06. Learning to Trust Yourself Again

This episode explores self-trust as a relational process built through small responsive actions rather than personality traits or certainty. Patricia examines how override patterns develop, why uncertainty challenges trust, and how everyday moments of response gradually rebuild internal authority.

In this episode

• Self-trust beyond confidence
• Override as adaptation rather than failure
• Trust through small congruent responses
• Repair as a key component of self-trust
• A gentle noticing invitation for everyday moments

A reflection for you

Where might you respond to yourself slightly differently this week?

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Future episodes will explore practical ways to think differently about careers, identity, growth, and reinvention.

Transcript

I’m Patricia Ezechie, and this is Proactive Empowered Careers. A space for thinking about careers differently, not as something separate from who you are, but as an expression of you and the life you want to live.

Hello everyone, and welcome back. And if you’re new here, you’re very welcome.

In the last episode, we talked about learning to listen to yourself, not just when things feel dramatic, but in everyday ways, noticing your energy, your reactions, your curiosity, and your discomfort.

When you begin to listen more, you start to notice something else happening too, more questions. And you might be starting to get the gist of how this works by now. As you listen, new questions emerge. That’s not a problem. In fact, it’s often a really good sign. Because when your mind starts to ask these kinds of questions, it usually means something is shifting, even if it feels a little unsettling at the same time.

One of the questions that often comes next, when we’re in this space, is this, how do I trust what I’m hearing? Because listening to yourself and trusting yourself aren’t the same thing. You can hear yourself quite clearly and still override it, still second guess it, and still talk yourself out of it.

So in this episode, I want to explore this idea of self-trust, not as confidence or certainty, but as something quieter, something that develops over time, and something that is much more practical than it might sound.

Let’s take a closer look at what we mean when we talk about self-trust, or trusting yourself, because it’s often misunderstood. It can sound like something fixed, like a personality trait, like something you either have or you don’t have.

You might think of people who seem confident, decisive, and sure of themselves, and others who hesitate, second guess, or look for reassurance. And it’s easy to assume that’s what self-trust is. But it’s not quite that.

Self-trust isn’t really about personality. It’s not about something you’re born with or without. It’s something that develops.

One way to understand this is to think about trust in any relationship. It grows over time, when someone shows up, when there is consistency, when what they say and what they do begin to match.

Self-trust works in a very similar way. It develops when you begin to listen to yourself and respond to what you hear, even in the smallest of ways, even imperfectly, and even when you don’t always get it right.

Part of building trust in yourself is also learning not to turn against yourself when you don’t get it right. It is being able to notice what happened without harshness, to adjust, and to try again.

For example, resting when you’re tired, saying no when something doesn’t feel right, allowing a moment of curiosity, or stepping away when something feels off. On their own, these moments might seem small, but over time they begin to build.

That’s what self-trust is made of, not certainty, but a growing sense that you can hear yourself and act on what you hear. And from that, a greater sense of agency begins to develop in your life and your career.

So if self-trust develops over time through listening to yourself and responding to what you hear, why do so many of us struggle to trust ourselves?

I think it’s often because we’ve learned to override ourselves, and that is usually for understandable reasons. At different points in our lives, listening to ourselves hasn’t always felt like the safest option.

Sometimes that is about belonging, saying yes when saying no might have set you apart, going along with something because you didn’t want to disrupt the dynamic. Sometimes it is about safety, keeping the peace, avoiding conflict, not taking a risk that might have real consequences.

Sometimes it shows up in professional environments where being easy to work with, reliable, and adaptable is rewarded. Over time, you learn to prioritise what is expected over what you are actually noticing.

Sometimes it is shaped by family dynamics, what was encouraged, what wasn’t, what felt acceptable, and what didn’t.

So little by little, overriding what you feel, sense, or know becomes the norm. It doesn’t feel like a choice anymore. It just feels like how you operate in the world.

Many capable people become very good at this, so good, in fact, that they stop noticing themselves in the process.

Self-trust isn’t missing. It hasn’t disappeared. It is still there. It’s just that, over time, it has been ignored, interrupted, and dulled down.

Another reason that trusting yourself can feel difficult is uncertainty. When we feel uncertain, things start to feel less clear, and that is often when we begin to question ourselves.

We may start to wonder, what if I’m wrong? What if I regret this? What if this is just an emotion? What if this is the wrong thing to do?

When those questions start to appear, it becomes very easy to question what you are noticing in the first place, to second guess yourself, and to doubt yourself.

In that space, looking outside yourself can start to feel safer, because that is where reassurance and confirmation seem to live. We begin to let someone else hold responsibility for the direction or the decision.

That makes sense, because uncertainty is uncomfortable. And in that discomfort is often exactly where self-trust has been interrupted before.

So trusting yourself doesn’t come from eliminating uncertainty. It doesn’t come from knowing everything for sure. It comes from being willing to stay with what you’re noticing, even when you don’t know how things will turn out.

It means staying connected to your own experience, what you are thinking and feeling in your own body, rather than stepping away from it. That is where trusting yourself actually develops, not after the uncertainty has gone, but while you are still in it.

Self-trust isn’t about being able to predict the right outcome. It’s about staying present with yourself as you move through the unknown.

That is why it can often feel much quieter than we expect. Because when you stay with yourself, even as you move through the unknown, it doesn’t usually look or feel dramatic. It looks like small, congruent choices.

Pausing and giving yourself a moment to check in before you agree to something. Expressing a preference, even if it feels slightly uncomfortable. Noticing discomfort and not immediately dismissing it. Choosing rest when part of you knows you need it. Following a moment of interest rather than overriding it. Reconsidering something you have already said yes to because it no longer feels right.

These are all small moments that say, my experience matters.

Over time, those small moments begin to shift something internally. Your internal compass moves from I shouldn’t feel this to it makes sense that I feel this.

To do all of that, you also need to recognise something. You will override yourself sometimes. You will ignore what you are noticing. You will agree to things that don’t quite fit. You will move past something you needed to pay attention to.

Because you’re human.

Trusting yourself doesn’t come from getting every decision right. It comes from what you do next when you don’t.

From coming back to yourself, noticing what happened without turning against yourself, reflecting, adjusting, and responding differently the next time.

It is often in those moments of coming back to yourself that self-trust strengthens most, not through perfection, but through the process of return.

So here is something to notice this week. Where are the small moments where you could respond to yourself? Not dramatically or disruptively, just slightly differently.

Where might you pause instead of rushing? Express something instead of holding it in? Rest instead of pushing through?

Just notice what happens when you do.

This is where it begins to connect back to your career and your life. As you start to trust your own internal signals more, the way you make decisions begins to change.

You are not just looking outside yourself anymore. You are including what is happening within you, your energy, your sense of relief or resistance, what holds your interest, and what actually feels sustainable.

Over time, your decisions begin to feel different, less like something you have to figure out or get right, and more like something you can feel your way into and through.

So self-trust isn’t something you wait to feel before you act. It’s something that grows as you begin to act in small ways, by noticing, by responding, by coming back to yourself when you need to, and then doing it again.

Over time, something begins to shift. You realise you can hear yourself. You realise you can respond to what you hear. And gradually, you begin to trust yourself.

In the next episode, we’ll explore something closely connected to this, the idea of permission. Where it comes from, why it can feel conditional, and how many of us live inside invisible rules about what we are allowed to want, pursue, have, or change.

When we come back, we’ll explore all of that together.

So until then, take the very best care of yourself.

This has been Proactive Empowered Careers. If today’s episode resonated, subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss what comes next.

And remember, your career isn’t separate from who you are, it’s an expression of you and the life you want to live.