Veiny Dreams

First official episode of Happily Depressed; THIS IS NOT SOLEY ABOUT POKEMON! Strap in, because in the first episode we make that very clear! We dive into a couple really weird dreams, discuss creating content during grief, dive into each others backgrounds a bit, have a craving for double doubles, and more. 

SEND ANY COMMENTS ABOUT US (TOGETHER OR INDIVIDUALLY) AND ALL STORIES YOU'D LIKE US TO TELL OR TALK ABOUT TO CRASHOUTDADDIES@GMAIL.COM NO LIMITS, NO FILTERS, HAVE FUN, GO CRAZY, MAKE US CRY, LAUGH, AND BE LIKE WTFFF... (I mean, this podcast is explicit after all...)

enjoy.

-Colt & Christian

Socials for Tiktok/IG

Colt: @cltpkmn

Christian: @mybrotherspack

crashoutdaddies: @crashoutdaddies

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Just want to give you guys a heads up. Uh we do talk about some more graphic content in this podcast. Uh, don't want there to be any surprises. Um, the whole point of us doing this podcast is so we can open up a little bit more about the different things that go on inside of our heads and inside of our lives. So just want to give you guys a heads up. Um yeah. It might not be what you're used to, but this is what goes on behind the scenes.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

You are dead staring at me right now. You're just full locked in right now. It's kind of creepy. Anyways, trigger warning. Tell me when we officially start. We're starting. Tell you when we start starting.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

How do we start?

SPEAKER_00 0:38

We start by talking and then we get the episode rolling. Why is this vibration so loud?

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Yeah, they're gonna hear all the vibrations. No, they they're going to. It's gonna be you hear you hear that in podcast and you go, wow, that's unprofessional.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

How do I make how do I Well, uh, we're a little unprofessional like that. So we're happily depressed.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

Welcome to Happily Depressed Happily Depressed.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Dude, how do you like the intro? We're we're fully gone now. How do you like the intro? That's good. Thank you, dude. You know how long I worked on that? Not very long. Not long, dude. You're very creative and talented. Yeah, I know. I should have worked on it more, dude. But welcome. Better singer than I expected. I really had to touch the soulful part of my body to do that intro. Uh yes, welcome. This is, hey dude, we need to remember this moment because this is the first episode, and people want this. So this is the first episode of Happily Depressed, and we don't know where it's gonna go. So, how are you feeling right now?

SPEAKER_01 2:02

A little disappointed that I don't have my orange bucket that I requested to sit on. You gave me you gave me this big comfy chair, and I said, no seats for Christians butt until we get a sponsor.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Your writer is it's just uh it's just an orange bucket. You know, like when you go to do shows and stuff and you have like a writer and like you yeah, you request things, and use it's just an orange bucket.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Instead of like all red MMs, and like I need an orange upside down Home Depot bucket.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

If you hadn't if you actually got to that point of being able to have a writer, what would be on your writer? Like, no joke. Dude, that's a good question.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Oh man, there's gonna be some white You want to finish that. I was gonna say there's gonna be some like dead air. Well, I think. Yeah, yeah. There's gonna be white. You're gonna be some editing that needs to be done, is what I was gonna say. Ooh, that's oh that's a good question. Everyone asked this before. If I could just have.

unknown 2:55

Alright.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Okay, maybe, dude, maybe you go. I've never thought about this.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

I've never thought about this, dude. Oh god, but I do my brain like gravitates towards like Well, what am I doing?

SPEAKER_01 3:02

What's the event? Because I think it changes from event to event.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Oh, you don't want your tummy to be messed up in certain things. Okay. Hot, hot press right here. We have Christian gets tummy issues. Um, dude, this is what they all sign up for. He thinks. Yeah, no, same. Uh I don't know. I gravitate towards like, I don't know. I feel like when you have writers, I think that when people get big and famous, they want to gravitate towards doing shit like you said with like kid uh um like kid like things with MMs and stuff. So you're like, this is my moment where I can finally have as many Skittles as I want, you know, or whatever. Um that's a good, yeah, shh. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

It's not really about the quantity, is it? It's about the shit. You have to have 8,000 skittles precisely.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Some people are like that. Yeah. They say it's like a superstitious thing. You always hear it's about like the color of the candy, though. Everyone, every famous person secretly candy racist, just towards certain I think that people just prefer flavors, is what we'll say. If you want to call it taste racism, taste racism is exactly what it could be, dude. What was no, but back to the main point. Are you are you pumped about this? Are you pretty pumped?

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Yeah, I'm still really thinking about those writers being racist. I'm like, what if that's you know, maybe someday we show up to an appearance. Picture this, you and me walking in. We're both wearing sunglasses, but they're oddly shaped. Okay. Okay. My hair, your hair.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Glory.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Look as they do now.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

Amazing hair. Maybe a little bit better kept because maybe maybe we get haircuts. Oh, and we have money for fancy shampoos. Yeah, like I want a perm. A nice loose perm. We can perm. We're walking in. Boots on. We wear boots now. I have boots. I wear boots. What are you talking about? I guess you're ahead of me. I'm ahead of the curve, man. I'm prepared. Yeah. And we walk into our room to get ready. And on the table is go. Oh, uh.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Um. High chews. High chews. We like high chews, I don't know. We had high cheese, we kept eating them at that card shop. Yeah. Those are already there. You can pick any.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Do you remember those pumpkin balls that I made us? Oh, yeah. Yeah, there we go. Yeah. It's if you don't you don't know, it's like these pumpkin pie balls that I made Christian and I during the fall time with whipped cream and they were delicious. Yeah. Something like, I don't know. Ooh, I don't know. I don't like that you just set that up and I still don't have an answer. I'm like envisioning the whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

We have Hey Colt, I'm the manager for the show. Uh if you can just tell me really quickly, we're in a big hurry. What what do you want? You got ten seconds.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

You could also go bigger.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

We can just say like I'm still the media manager and you have three seconds to tell me.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

Double doubles from in and out. Oh.

unknown 5:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Oh, that'd be cute.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Two double doubles.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Yeah. And they'll put a little bows on them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Yeah. Oh, yeah. But they have to be like commercial grade aesthetically. Like advertisements. Yeah, we gotta we they gotta bring in the what do they call them? Uh Subway the sandwich artist. Yes. We need like the burger artist.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

If you can only have one fast food burger for the rest of your life, what you're picking. Double double. It's that easy. Probably go the same. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Hi high quality ingredients. There you go. I guess Anna. Alright, here's here's my here's my here's my choice. Here's my choice. I walk in on the table, single pack of Timo. Oh, dang it! I know it's back to Pokemon and you Yeah. But that's fine. My life isn't all Pokemon, but like single pack of T-Mo, because you never know what's gonna happen. Yeah. Or like any no, dude, just any vintage pack. Yeah. Like base set all the way up to whatever, you know. Just something interesting. Just really a little something to take the edge off. Dang. And then I would do some fresh mango with tahine. Yeah. You know you pay for the stuff, right?

SPEAKER_00 6:56

And a topo chico.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

What?

SPEAKER_00 6:57

I pay for it? I'm pretty sure you still have to pay for the things you ask for that you request. If I'm not mistaken.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

I can have all the things.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Because my brain was about to go, dude, why not just do a whole base set booster box? My brain was like, oh shit, I gotta pay for that. Yeah. You're like, wait, we have to pay for meeting. No. I'm not even going to that.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

No, the people who organize the event put it on the table for me.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

I thought you have to pay for it though. No. Can we spend 12 minutes Googling this? No. There's no internet on this podcast. Then we're it's I guess we're not making it. No, let's assume that we don't pay for it, but we are within reason. And if we don't need to pay for it and it's within reason, is two neo blisters in reason? It's 1500 each. That's not within reason. No. That's not within reason.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

No. Okay, so what there is a limit here. Yeah. Like you're not that successful in this situation. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Thanks, dude. Seems like the current moment in our lives right now. Sick, dude. Um within reason. Do you think we've talked about this for long enough? Did you have any uh hesitations or anything in your mind when I was like, we need to do this podcast? And we already had, first off, we already had people asking us to do one. Right. But when I was like, no, like, because I feel like anytime we have certain moments like this happen, which is of no offense to you, is that I'm very much just like, yes, let's do it. We're gonna do it. And I start really just like, like, let's live the fucking dream then. Let's get it going. Right. So did you Are we past three minutes? Can we curse now? Yeah, I would hope after 10 minutes we've been passed. Three minutes. Is ten minutes more than three minutes? I don't know, dude. Okay. Times a construct that we made, and we're all slaves to it. So yeah, we're good. Yeah, I think so. Um, but no, did you have any hesitations where you're like, oh, this isn't gonna work or this is stupid or anything like that?

SPEAKER_01 8:42

I think the biggest one for me was thinking back to when I first started creating content and I had to edit my videos. I'd open one pack of cards and I had to like cut out so much dead air where I just sat there and be like, today was a hard day, and and I wouldn't start over. I couldn't make it through a full pack, forming an entire sentence. Right. So like that part of me still lives in my head. You know, so it's it's it's like, am I gonna hop on here and not be able to find the words that I'm looking for? Which uh I'm I'm better at talking talking now. I'm better than talking now. But yeah, I just like go back and watch this video sometimes and I'm like, I think I was like forgetting how to talk. So that is my one apprehension about doing a podcast is because it's solely talking. Yeah, and you see people who are great at talking. Yeah, you know, you think of I mean, really any other creators out there, they're they're quick, they're witty, they're able to just talk on the fly and not pause or say something incorrectly. Like, how many times are we recording a video and we try to say something?

SPEAKER_00 9:49

I mean, I think that's a lot of people though. I think that even with big creators that like I mean, you could watch like uh Good Mythical Morning, like I'll just say them, but like because they do like a behind the scenes thing, so you'll watch them like do a whole thing. So like a 20-minute episode actually took them like an hour and a half to film or something like that. And those guys have been doing it for 20 years or whatever, you know. And they even do their live shows, I'm sure, like, but those are things that they like kind of script and prep for and like do all these things, and they're like, we know what we're hitting and talking on and doing, everything like that. Um, dude, yeah. I mean, watching my old videos, like I'll like I posted that one where I pulled the Moon Brian and stuff because it's been getting comments, and I was like, hell yeah, dude. Like, people don't probably don't know because I've been gaining more followers and shit. And um, but I like normally I've I haven't watched that video in like three, four months, but then like something happened where I watched it when I posted it, and I was just like, Oh god, the editing is horrible.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

I was thinking the same thing. It that video sucks.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Yeah, thank you. But I agree, and same with you. Like, I think that your whole which is just growth, yeah. You know, that's all it is. Repetition, yeah. And still to this day, like you said, we still deal with like the what are we gonna do? Like, what what's gonna happen? Right now, sitting here, I'm like, what are we gonna talk about next? Just let it flow, baby. Yeah. Speaking of flow, this podcast is brought to you by Tampax. No. Um, but I don't know. It's I think like I always tell people that, like, oh, because I'm sure you get it too. We uh like when you get a following, you get a bunch of people being like, You inspire me, give me advice on like I want to be a content creator, tell me like how to do it, or like what can I do? You know, helpful shit. And I always tell them, like, one of the things is I'm like, remember that you're in full in control of like the editing. So even if you do have those moments where you're like, I'm I gotta breathe, I don't know what to talk about, blah blah blah. Cool, you recorded that part, but you can cut it out just as easily as you hit record and sat there or whatever. I don't know if I had hesitation. Thank you for asking, by the way. I don't know if I had hesitations with bot you.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Yes. Yeah, I know. Uh so I didn't really necessitated me asking you the same question. Hey, whenever we do stuff, I love to do it. You probably were nervous.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Yeah, but it doesn't mean I'm not nervous. I still, even if I am gung-ho, I do have my nervousness about things. I do all the time. Yeah. I really do. I get super nervous. I go, I even get to the I get to the point of overthinking. Excuse me. I get to the point of overthinking that like I don't know. Like I I I also not to dive into the mental health so soon, but with like my abandonment issues and stuff and everything like that, I do have moments. Actually, I got something going on. Then I would be I would sit here the rest of the day and be like, ah, dude. He's coming back, right? He's coming back. I just had to go get some milk, dude. I'm I'm literally the epitome of Stitch sitting there in the rain crying on a hill, dude. That's all I am in my inside my heart, dude. Spoilers. You've never seen Leela and Stitch. Oh my god, bro. It's literally my go-to depression. Is that the one where it's like? Yeah, good job. Good one, dude. Yeah, we that's copyright. We're sued now. Sick, dude. Thanks. But no, like I go to the point of overthinking like that, where like my brain does go like sick, I'm gonna like even when I was building this part and you were doing your call in the other room and stuff, I was like, there was one part of my brain briefly where I was just like, ah, Christian's not gonna want to do this. Like, I fucking am setting up this wall for no reason right now. Like, it's just not gonna happen. And like, because I think that I get so pumped. I'm sure you you probably feel this way too. If you get super excited to do something and you're like, oh, I'm really pumped to to do this activity or have this thing happen, and I'm putting all of it into works and stuff that you think that maybe the other person that like you're doing it with, whether it's like your wife or your kids or your friends, that you sit there and go, Oh, they're they're not as excited as I am. Like there's no way they are. Like I'm super pumped, but I don't know if they are. Yeah. And shit. And I think I deal with like a lot of that where I'm I don't know. But I'm I'm super pumped. I do have my hesitations though, but I do want it to do well. And I want people to uh have fun with us doing this and stuff. Like just the the people listening, which hello, which we can say right now, what do they need to do, Christian? Let me show you the sheet. Is there a flow chart? Oh my god, he's blind.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Bad handwriting. Why do they want to do that? All right, I'll do it, and then you can do that. Hey guys, if you want to send us emails, crash outdaddies at gmail.com. God, that was such a beautiful way to sell that, dude. For some reason, if there's anything you want to send to us, we we haven't covered exactly why.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

If you listen to the prologue, like you said, you're gonna do it. Oh, I did listen to the prologue. Okay, I do. Yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Then why then why why are you putting this on the bottom of the body? I'm gonna put a secret message somewhere.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

I'm gonna put a secret. I'm gonna put a secret message. We're not gonna talk for 20 minutes about why they need to email us. We can't, and I'm going to. It's the first episode. I don't care. No, I'm gonna put a secret message somewhere in this podcast, and I'm gonna make that make ensures that you listen to this podcast. Of course, I'm going to listen to our podcast. And then I'm gonna quiz you on what I said, dude. What we want to do is because obviously I said in the prologue is that we want people to email us their stories, whether it's about mental health, um, something going on in your life, could be anything to do with grief, depression, bipolar, any mental health things that you want to talk about or stories that you want to say. But we also, because we want to make sure that it is lighthearted and happily and the happily depressed, we want people to. I love conspiracy theories. You like conspiracy theories, dude? Haunted. No, not really. Okay, I'm gonna go fucking die. And then uh we want to um, I don't know, haunted, haunted stories, dude. I love those. Let's get spooky with it. I want funny stories, I want all these things. I want us to sit here and spend the last 20 minutes reading people's emails, talking about their stories, getting people's stories out there. We also will say that it's gonna be uh you're gonna have full anonymity, is the word I believe, right? We're not gonna say their names or anything like that. But if you have stories about uh your life or anything, whether it's super chaotic, super fun, or super depressing, and stuff that we can talk on, I would love to absolutely do that. So send us an email at crash outdaddies at gmail.com. Crash outdaddies at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

And that's d-a-d-d-i-s, not d-a-d-d-y apostrophe s. That's correct.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

I don't think you're allowed to have apostrophes in there.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

That's the key. But it doesn't make a difference because uh email addresses don't pick up punctuation. So like Christian Naylor at gmail is the same as Christian.nayler at gmail. That's really s silly. But you can make two different accounts, but they go to the same place.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Hmm. I didn't know that. I think. Tech trivia with Christian. I love it, dude. But yes, Crash OutDaddies D A D D I E S at Gmail.com. And uh also follow my brother's pack if you don't already, which I'm sure you all do, and then follow me at Cult Pokemon at Switch. Which I'm sure you don't already. I'm sure you definitely don't do that. You absolutely don't.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

I was thinking we go like origin story a little bit. Okay. You know, I think people know my story pretty well. But what's your story? I don't know it. A long, long time ago. Okay. And I guess. No, but people no, so seriously, like I think people look to me because they know my story when your story is just as complex and difficult and heartbreaking. You know, just getting right into it, huh?

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Yeah, well, I think so. Like So, what was it like being abused in so many different ways, Cole, for 15 years of your life? Let's talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

Yeah. I mean, something happens for half your life in a bad way, that's bound to shape you a little bit. Oh, yeah, I think about that all the time. That's why you beat the fuck out of me once. Every time I get here, you're always just punching me, dude.

SPEAKER_00 17:11

Yeah. Uh that's why we're not filming this, is because you're a big black eye right now, dude. No, I mean, yeah, I think about like the half your life thing. Like, I do think about that where I go, damn, like I guess technically speaking, 17 to 18 years of my life, I did which like, well, I can't include like, you know, the first two or three, like you're a baby, your brain's which I mean still, you know, whatever. But I do think like in the terms of that, like it is such a massive amount of time that it like I think like you have moments where it just like it clicks in my brain where I go, shit, that was that's a long time, bro. That's not like like in comparison, like you know, three years versus like seven. Yeah, my brother's only been dead for a year, dude. Yeah. Let's talk about that. Wait, never mind. He's into the jokes later, dude.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

No, no, no, no, no. We're gonna we're gonna joke. Yeah. Like there there are ways to joke because one, it's what guys do, two, it's what we do. Yeah. Um, while still having massive amounts of respect and understanding for each other's situations. It's not all jokes, but yeah, that's also how guys just communicate.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Oh, 100%. I was no, I was gonna touch on the fact that I'd make a joke about how uh wait, I'm dead, because if you guys don't know, there's an entire community of people out there that think that I am Christian's dead brother, and I don't know how to handle that, dude. I don't think we put those rumors to rest. We don't.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

I don't but the thing is, is like we talked about is we're opening new sets, like we're we're doing yeah, you know, current event type situations.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Like, wait, he's dead, but perfect order, bro. Like, I don't I don't get it. And and Christian has known about this apparently, but one day, uh because I only watch his videos on TikTok and Instagram and and stuff, so I was like, Oh, I'm gonna go to his YouTube and like just watch our videos and stuff, narcissists. So like I wanted to see the videos and how they were doing and everything for our collab videos and stuff, and I like was going through the comments and I was just like, Rest in peace, Colt, we'll miss you. And I'm like, wait a minute, what? So then I completely doom scrolled all these videos, and I was like, Holy shit, so many people think that I'm the dead guy, and it's so fucking weird. And you know what I do to combat that? Nothing, literally nothing, nothing, dude. And I was like, I wanted to start commenting, and I was like, Christian hasn't said a fucking thing to any of these people, dude. It's really weird. It'll be wild when we go live on YouTube together, yeah, and people will be like, holy shit.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Not one person at the I don't know if you can see him, Christian, but your brother's right now.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Don't acknowledge it, just have me in the background, just standing in the background, like just creepily, like or whatever, and then just like kind of do ghost walkbys and stuff. No one will ever know. You're like, sometimes I still feel him here with me. Like, you know how people say it? You can feel your face. He's right here, dude. Yeah, I can feel they're like you know, he's literally right there, dude. I want one person like I I talked about at like the card show, which nobody did. Um, but I wanted one person like you're talking to like one of our fans, and then like just me step up next to you and then them freak out. Yeah, like, huh? Jump scare? Yeah, yeah, and just uh freak him out. I would love that. I think that'd be great. But uh yeah, we'll we'll joke. I'm glad you're not dead. Thank you, dude. Yeah, I feel it. What if I seen this post the other day? It was like, send this to your buddy, and then it was like, I have no evidence to prove that I'm not, or it's like I have no evidence to prove that I'm not actually just a figment of your imagination or something like that. And I was just like, oof, damn, dude. And then I was like, I I spiraled because I was like, damn, we went through so much shit that what if we're just having a Shutter Island moment, dude. You don't get that reference because you don't watch movies, but yeah, not at all, but not at all.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Uh that's kind of freaky because I feel like you're the person who could be a figment of my imagination. Fight Club.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

You've never finished Fight Club, and I kind of just spoiled it for you. Brad Pitt's character is not real in Fight Club, just saying are you I just spoiled it. Fuck off. He's not real. Brad Pitt's fake, the whole movie. Okay. We'll watch it, right? Just the rest of the podcast, just watching the ending of Fight Club and you going, What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 20:58

We're just you start like in the middle, and like, I don't remember, and we have to keep backing up. We just end up watching all of Fight Club again.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

No, biggest spoiler. I love that movie's so great, but it's I mean, I like just bought the book to read it, which I love Pilonic, and I've never read it, which uh one of my all-time favorite movies that I've watched a million times over. We're really weaving a web right now. I know, dude. But this is what I love. I love it. Because you could rewind three minutes and be like, what the fuck did this have to do with Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:24

Maybe they wanted to under hear more about like your story and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

No, see, I fully diverted.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

We're at Fight Club now, and it's been perfect.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

Fight club. Oh, you mean like how I had to fight my whole life to not kill myself? No. There we go, dude. Weaved it back. I'm I'm a professional at this. Yeah, maybe just start wherever you want. So I remember when I was filling up the bathtub at no, I'm just kidding. Oh, it's fucked up. Also, never mind, I'm not gonna say this on the podcast right now. You didn't take baths as a kid. Did I? Uh yeah. Bubble bath? Yeah, we talked about this. I used that the little guy. Yeah, with the everybody knows. What we're talking about. Yeah. We all had the pink guy in the bathtub with us. Just doesn't even sound like anything remotely like the soap. Yeah. You guys had the pink guy, he had that cool little muscle. Yeah, that's a great dude. Uh no, yeah. I took both bats as a kid and stuff. We can talk about my stuff over in due time, but in case you didn't know, I was uh uh abused growing up and uh did a lot of self-harm. I was abused physically, sexually, mentally, religiously, which a lot of people don't know is a form of abuse, but it is. Took me a while to figure that out. Uh religious abuse is real. Jesus is just like, Jesus is fuck you, dude. You you think you're going to heaven, you fucking loser. No. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:42

You just wake up out of a cold sweat, but you're in like the seventh layer of hell. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, see, dude, this is your future, and you're like, and then you just Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

No. Uh I was abused in all those ways and uh committed a lot of self-harm. And I tried to commit suicide about 10 to uh 10 times or so or more. And I'm still here, dude. And sometimes to get a little dark, I still think about it sometimes, dude. But I don't, because I love the people I have in my life and all that. But I don't know, I lived a pretty messed up life and everything. We can dive into it throughout time, but I guess that touches so people can get a small understanding. Yeah. I'm still having my coffee right now, bro. You're like, what was it like stab yourself in the stomach, dude? Which is true. I have a s anyways, what? That's true, yeah. I have a scar in my stomach. I tried to do that, and then I had a friend rush in, uh, kind of busted in the door, and like the blade was about an inch and a half in, and he like timing was just hey dude, what's up? Why are you making that face, dude? That's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. I've tried to do it many a ways. We're really gonna get dark. You started this, by the way. Just so you know, you could talk about I don't know, the hanging. But anyways, you're here. The pills, the fucking what do you what do you want me to do, dude?

SPEAKER_01 23:57

Yeah, no, I'm no, I'm here. Yeah, you're here, and yeah, life is tough. If you want to play footsies, you keep angling. We can do a little foot holding foot high vibe if you want. You're like, it's okay, bro. Just tapping your foot, it's all good, dude. Um no, dude, but you're here, and that's obviously great. I don't know where I was going with that sentence. Holy shit, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

Just leave it at that. Well, you're still here. But in a tone of just like you didn't want me to be, you're like, well, you're still fucking here, dude. Still one day. Yeah. One day, dude.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

Um, dude, but it's I mean, I love to have met you and uh yeah, super glad that you're still here and you're gonna do great things. We have a contract. We have a contract.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

Most people think that we're actually just best friends, but I no, this is fabricated.

SPEAKER_01 24:48

Yeah, we have to be doing this right now.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

100%.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

Legally. Legally, we have to.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Um, can I tell you about my dream last night now?

SPEAKER_01 24:55

Yeah, because one thing that people love great content is hearing other people's dreams.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

No, you'll want to hear the stream, especially Pokemon fans will want to hear this stream. Oh, okay, yeah. Now I'm sorry. So I was thinking, I think so. You know, when you're dr you have a dream, but it pulls like random things to like symbolize the other things that you've seen or like experienced throughout the week or something like that. Like, you know, like if you ate Taco Bell and then two days later you're not in. Yeah, continue. Yeah, not sponsored. But uh, but then you're in a Taco Bell in your dream, like days later or something like that, you know. You were posting about your GoFundMe. Sorry, Cole just killed himself. I'm leaving that. No, but uh, so you're posting about your GoFundMe, by the way. Please go check out my brother's pack's uh buy on stuff. He always does GoFundMe's and giveaways and everything like that. So please, please check that out. Um but you're posting about that on your story like two days ago or something like that. You posted about it. So last night I had a dream, and I think part of it had to deal with that. Uh and we also just had met Pokeshawn 151. Love that guy. Follow me back, damn it. And then so we were listening, he's just like, no. No, dude. I just he thought I was in a band, which was so weird because he's also said that he recognized me from your videos, I think, but then was also like, Are you in a band or something? Porkay not lose. Yeah, dude. Absolutely. Me, I'm eagle. I don't know. Yeah. Frittada. But, anyways, so no, so he was in the dream as well. And it was so weird, though. But like the only part I remember is like I was walking down a street, it was dark, buildings were on fire, and you were standing there, and like two other people I knew that I can't remember who it was, but I know I knew them from like past shit. And there's literally just piles of cash, and you and the other person I know was just handing out bills while everything was on fire. And you looked at me and you were like, GoFundMe's doing really well, man. And you were like deranged though, and I was like, Okay, Christian, that's great, or something. I was like, keep doing it, and then you were like, help me hand it out. And I was like, Okay, so I'm looking around and just handing money to homeless people while everything's on fire. And I was like, which you could also weirdly think that there's some symbolism of the whole room. Oh, so weird. So, anyways, but then I wound up leaving and then like cut to the other part of the dream that I vividly remember, which is I was in a bathroom, and you know when you have like a uh like a pimple on your like just arm or something like that, but it's like an ingrown hair, and you can like pull the hair out. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. So I would go and I look down, I'm like, oh what the fuck, dude? There's like the hair sticking out. So I go and grab the hair and I start pulling the hair and it's never ending. I don't like this content. I don't like this content. Hold on. So I'm pulling the hair and it's never ending, and now it's approximately like two feet long, right? And then I and then I yung myself with the hair. No, so but I look at it, and then Pokey Sean enters the bathroom and we're staring at these deny mirrors, and I and I and he goes, Hey, what's up, man? Blah blah blah. And he's all pumped to see me, and I go, Oh, nothing. I'm looking at this hair that I what is just still coming out of my arm. And he goes, I don't think that's a hair, bro. And I look down and it's not a hair, it's an entire vein.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Dude, no, dude, he's he's definitely not following you now. This is the fuckiest thing I've ever heard. Dude, and I'm sitting there holding the bloody vein. You said I want would want to hear this dream. I don't, I don't unsubscribe. Unsubscribe. But dude, and that's all I remember.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

And then walking back out to the street, going to show you my vein and being like, Where's Christian? And I want to go to the city. I'm not, dude. But I went to go find you to show you my vein and be like, Christian, I need to go to the hospital. And and just I couldn't find you, and everything was on fire. And then that, and then I woke up to a message being like, When's the first episode coming out? And then that's it. Hey, dude, my dreams are either that type of dream or sex, and that's it, dude. It's either dark as hell or it's a sex dream, and that's it, dude. That's my brand is that. I'm really glad that this one didn't have a part three, then, Colt. Yeah, we're having a lot of things.

SPEAKER_03 28:51

This is getting kind of weird.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

We're not beating the allegations when Colt dreams about that shit and then sex with Christian. That's it, dude. Anyways, so that was my dream. What did you dream about last night?

SPEAKER_01 29:00

I don't have dreams anymore. I think that was weird. Uh huh. It's weird. I, after my brother passed away, every single night for about six months, very vivid dream about my brother. Where I like felt like I was there, like childhood bedroom, stuff like that. Um, and now dreams have just gone away. I don't dream anymore. It's weird. So you dreamed up until six months after.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

Uh roughly, yeah. Don't have an actual date, but no, I wanted a real date. Did you tell me? There's you know no clue. But yeah, I just uh kind of stopped. But yeah, I haven't had a dream in a while. Have you ever had like a recurring dream?

SPEAKER_01 29:33

No, all the time, yeah. Like, what is it? Like related to the last year of my life, or I have this one where like I'm on top of like this super snowy, icy mountain. Okay, and I'm like driving, and there's like it's a very narrow bridge, but I'm always driving around people that I love. And there's like a little tiny gap, and you just have to be going fast enough, but you also don't want to fall off the cliff and plummet. But it's very icy, and I always it feels super real when I'm doing it. It's very freaky. Huh. Yeah. It's just maybe it's just like trying to have to stay within, you know, responsible for a lot. It's I'm always driving people to I'm never alone. It's always driving around like family and stuff. I used to have a recurring dream where I'd be sort of your turn.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Yeah. That's how it works. You talk, I talk.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

Didn't know if you wanted to dive in on mine a little bit after your veins story. I really don't want to hear another one of your dreams, Colt. I don't want to hear another dream.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

Well, it's no, I have a reoccurring dream that's similar. I have lots of veins. I have the same amount as well. Do we have the same amount of veins? Let us know. Yeah, please comment down below on this podcast. Um, also, please give us reviews. Uh, all the reviews are like, can Colt not talk about veins anymore, please?

SPEAKER_01 30:41

Actually, yes, guys, please do. No, don't do that. No do that. No, we're gonna get a bad look on the podcast. This is gonna be a five-star review, but please let us know. Constructive criticism, never ring up one of your fucking dreams ever again.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

Also, keep in mind it's the first episode, so be be kind to us.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:57

Um, no, so um my mom and I used to, weirdly enough, I have some nice memories with her. We used to do a thing when I was a kid where we would go get French fries from McDonald's. I'm from South Florida, and we would go to this specific thing. Is it different there? Yeah, 100%. They have meth on them. Texas. Um, no, so we would go to this uh right next to this bridge that we used to, she also used to run it and everything, like this big overpass bridge. I just talked to somebody about it, which was really weird. But we used to run this bridge and stuff, and we would pull off the next to the bridge, we'd feed the seagulls, the fries, and stuff. Now I would have a recurring dream that we would be in a car on this bridge, and we would be going over it, and we would somehow crash, fly off the bridge, and I would remember this shows you how fucked up my life was because I'd have this as a kid.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

Like, but like actually, you know, oh 100%. Like Colt's not just sharing his weird one-off dreams.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

No, this was a recurring dream. So we would crash. Yeah, we would crash, and I would remember watching my mom and my siblings, which was just my older brother and older sister at the time, uh, all of us drown. But like I would be watching them drown, and then I would go last, and it would like after I watched them die. And then I had another recurring dream, which this one shows you how trauma. I had this one way more, and I had this all the way up. I haven't had it since uh 2022. It was the last time I remember having it, but I had it ever since I was like a 15-year-old. But I would be walking down a hallway in a really deny, gross, like hallway, and and there would be a door at the end, and I had like a little window, and I would like open this disgusting door, and I would walk in and I would look to the left, and there would be like uh uh like the doctor's sterling, not the like the stainless steel doctor table thing off to the left. Oh yeah, yeah, okay. And I would look over, and that was an entire, like foggy, disgusting, smudgy mirror was covering the entire wall. And then there would be a guy sitting in the chair tied up, right? And his head was all hunched over. And then I would like this is about to get s small graphic, kind of like the van thing, but not really, not really. This is gonna be a quick sentence, but I like there's a guy, his head's hung down, and he's tied up, and I walk up from like to his behind. That sounded weird. I walk up behind him, that's a way to say it, and I grab his head and I look over, and there's like a smaller little table thing, and there's a knife on it, and I grab his head and I look in the mirror and I'm holding my own head, right? And I slice my own throat open, and then the entire room fills with blood while he while my other self uh is gargling on my own blood.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

So, guys, uh five star reviews and remember no more cult dreams. Yeah, no more cult dreams.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

But I had that for years. That in the car dream was like a recurring dream for me for years. Can we just talk about how much blood that is, though? A lot, yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Uh I talked to a couple therapists about that dream and stuff. Usually it's similar. Hey Christian, why aren't you excited about the podcast anymore? I'm just curious. Why don't you why don't you want to come back for episode two, dude? Anyways, I like it. It's it's I think we're touching on a lot that people can get prepared for, that it's not just Pokemon, dude. What's your favorite set to open, right? Oh, dude. Ascended Heroes. Yeah. You can say something, right? You're just staring at me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

Be excited. I'm very excited. It's part of the fucking contract. That is not part of the contract. Um, yeah, dude. I left you speechless after that. Yeah, you got me with those dreams, man. You got me with those dreams. Uh, I think that that's a good glimpse of the type of people that we are, too. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's like you don't have to be the exact same as somebody to be their best friend or be in a relationship with them. You go, my dreams are like, technically don't even have to be friends to record content or hang out together.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

My abandonment issues are still gonna happen, they're gonna start kicking off, dude. I'll be listening to this part while editing it over and over, being like, Did he mean it? Does he is he trying to tell me something?

SPEAKER_01 34:58

He's one foot out the door. Yeah, yeah, that was that's wild. I think we I think we leave dreams in the past.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

Well, yeah, I don't have them anymore of that dream. Now I just have Pokishan telling me my veins coming out of my arm.

SPEAKER_01 35:10

So yeah, I think I remember that one. Yeah. Quite vividly. Quite vividly. Ooh, yeah. I don't even know where to take this now. You I just have a lot of fun scenes in my head. Now they're fun scenes in your head?

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Well, clearly not fun. You looked very sinister when you just said that you're you did the whole uh Stanley Kubrick Jack Nicholson eyebrow thing, dude.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

Clearly uh We're like, it's a 40-minute conversation, then 20 minutes of us just yikes, dude.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

We did have other what were we saying? I don't know. Well, you brought it up. You wanted to be all like I didn't say anything about dreams. Not the dreams, but just the you know, abusive past and shit. And you're like, let's learn about you.

SPEAKER_01 35:54

So instead of like hearing what actually happened, you told us what happens in dreams.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

I think that that's avoidance. I don't I'll be honest, they could probably rewind it 10 minutes and connect on how I diverted to that. Oh, yeah, for sure. But I don't remember. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

You just do a voiceover here, like the next five minutes are very, very graphic. We recommend you don't listen, even though it's not real.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

I wonder how many parents are gonna be listening to the car. They're like, guys, remember.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

Yeah, like maybe don't have your kids listen to this podcast. Well, I think that might need to go. Okay, yeah, it needs to go at the beginning. I don't want an eight-year-old.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

It's marked explicit. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

I don't know how this works. If you listen to the prologue, you would have seen the explicit. If I listened, I wouldn't be using my eyes. You had to use your eyes to click the episode. No, you sent it to me.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

I'm done making this podcast. Dude, this is I'm not even releasing this. So they're like, I don't think they really like each other. Yeah, dude. Yeah. But uh Pokemon, you know? What if everybody flipped onto my side and they're just like, poor Colt really just needs love and help, and Christian's just shitting all over the world. Yeah, wouldn't that be crazy if everybody's like, dude, Christian's kind of mean? Yeah, dude. I would love that. We could dive into us a bit uh if you want, because you just made my brain think. I do wonder all the time, like, because we've I've make the jokes on us like when like we're not around people and like or in videos, but like I do constantly make the joke how I am the less loved one of the thing. And I and that doesn't mean I want to be more loved. It means that I want equality of love, which I know will never happen, you know, and stuff. But I do think that a lot of people view me as the actual dick of our like relationship. And I think when in reality it's me. Yeah, no, a hundred percent. Uh it's uh it's not a hundred percent. Don't read into that.

SPEAKER_01 37:31

But somebody somebody hits pause right there. They're like, and then they never listen, and they're like, I hear my my brother's pack is dude.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

They cancel you just immediately. The podcast just cancels the shit out of you. You're like, I'm like, Well, this felt kind of targeted. Yeah, they're like this poor kid talking about abuse and suicidal ideations, and then Christian just being like, Wow, dude, what a fucking gross thing to talk about, dude. No, but I do uh we talk about that, and like I think that a lot of people maybe we need like trigger warnings. Would you like to give a trigger warning right now? I don't know what we're gonna talk about, so no, I can clip this and put it at the beginning. Would you like to say a trigger warning? There's some graphic talk in this, and there's like at the very beginning. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that might be a good idea. Uh is that good enough? Trigger warning. There we go. Trigger warning.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

All right. Um But yeah, trigger warning, there may be some conversation about You got this. Oh, oh shit. See, there's the there's the old hawking thing I was talking about. Trigger warning if you're listening to this podcast, which is why the fuck you're here, so why would I say that? Trigger warning.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

Well, now I can't put that part because it's gonna be at the beginning and you just use the word fuck.

SPEAKER_01 38:37

And yeah, I know that's why I'm starting again. Okay. Trigger warning, we discuss suicidal. Oh, great, dude. Yeah, trigger warning, we discussed suicidal.

SPEAKER_00 38:49

We discussed suicidal Wow, why can I say suicidal ideation and uh very graphic dreams that deal with blood and and veins and uh slicings of the body part. How do we actually say this? We can say warning uh for this first episode and future episodes, but we do talk about things such as suicide, violence, and uh we curse and everything like that. No, that just seems like because I don't want people to be turned turned off. Yeah, you know, so look, there just trigger warning. This is not all Pokemon. We're gonna be talking about a lot of things, and some are gonna be graphic, and that's okay because it's part of life. Trigger warning, right? Yeah, I want your voice to be in there too, so work with me here.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

Oh, you're just like trigger warning. We're gonna talk about this, and if you're too big of a bitch to handle it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

Can't put that in there either, dude. No, yeah, I know, I know. All right, serious. But anyways, but back to the thing is that I I I do think that a lot of people do view me as like the the dick part of it. And I when I there's moments with you where like when we were talking to Rebecca, shout out Rebecca, who's Avery Avery the Poke Kid's uh mom, where like you called me a dick. Or you're like, it fucking pisses me off how like nice and thoughtful you are and stuff, and it and it almost bugs me sometimes because I'm like, no, not many people do see that part, I think. And we had like a whole conversation about that. And uh Rebecca said a lot of things that was just very like was making me want to tear up and cry in front of her and and Phil, your dad's wife, and yeah, same for you. And I was like, what the hell, dude? Also, if we can talk about that day on the next episode or something, if you guys want to hear like a whole story about the card shown Denver, uh Christian and I continued to pinch ourselves, I think, throughout that whole experience, which was crazy. But I think that was the highlight for me was just sitting there having those conversations with you, Rebecca, and and Phil's wife, which now I'm forgetting her name, so apologies. I don't think she'll listen to this, but apologies. Maybe she will.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Mallory, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 40:48

I was gonna let you struggle and then you're moving on to the well, I my brain wanted to say Mallory, and I was like, was it Mallory? And then like I didn't want to say it and then be wrong, and then she hates me or something. But um, no, I think that was truly the highlight is we had like a really good conversation with them. And like it was incredible, but there are moments in there where like it does my brain does think, and I'm like, dang, dude, a lot of people probably like you, you wrote me off when we maybe a little bit you wrote me off when you first seen my content, I think. Because you did talk to me about that too, where you're like, Oh, I just thought the first night we filmed a video together, which I love looking back and watching that footage, which maybe you'll all see one day. But when we were like doing that whole you knocking on the door skit and blah blah blah, and just sitting there with the bagels and coffee and stuff, it was I remember we had a conversation where you said you'd like written me off because you're like, Oh, he's just this handsome, cool guy that like he's probably just some crap. I didn't say you were handsome, but yeah, continue. You did, and it's okay. I'd say you're handsome all the time. See you, see what I mean, guys? I'm not the dick here. Okay, dude. But no, you so what what did you think, I guess?

SPEAKER_01 41:49

Uh yeah, I mean I'd seen your your videos of like you pulling the Umbreon. Are you getting cool hits? And I was like, Yeah, this dude's just he's a good looking dude. He's cooler than me, he probably has a cooler life than me. And I don't even think I really wanted to comment on your videos ever. Because I was it was kind of like a I don't belong sort of thing, where I was just like, self-esteem is super low. Yeah, this guy's super cool, I'm not super cool. Why would he want to talk to me? And then it was your video where you opened up and discussed a lot of your history, and I was like, Oh, okay. Wasn't expecting that. Wasn't expecting that, yeah. And I said, Hey, if you are ever in Colorado, you have a brother here and you DM me, and you were like, How the fuck did you know I'm in Colorado?

SPEAKER_00 42:36

I literally remember I stood up and I was like, I know I live in Colorado, because I told nobody that.

SPEAKER_01 42:41

And then I was like, hey, read the message. I said, if you're ever in Colorado, because that's where I am. Yeah. And then it turns out we live 30 minutes away from each other, which is crazy. But yeah, it's just, I mean, it's it I dude, it's it's an appearances thing, it's judging a book by its cover. It's like you have, you know, the cool hair, you have the tattoos, you're a good looking dude, like Ryan Gosling, you know. And when we make videos together, like people don't understand how much we have in common, even with such different backgrounds. Right. Like we have a lot of the same beliefs in life. We uh yeah, I mean, dude, we're uh you're you're the the most generous person I know. You know, you're for my daughter's birthday, you get them them binders and make them custom cards and and do all like this super sweet stuff. And I don't think people would expect that from just looking at you. He's probably like that dude probably is just thinking about his next tattoo, his next cool shit he's doing. Right cool having something whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's never if s ever if everybody in the world could be given like a present from you, I think that'd be like the most eye opening thing for a lot of people, because you give the best presents, you give the best gifts of a ton of thought, puzzle oriented. It's an experience.

SPEAKER_00 43:53

You give experiences. When you made that video about me, not to make it about me, because I just I want to talk about what you're Just saying in a second, but like when you made that video about me where you're like the four facts, four packs, or whatever you yeah, the amount of times I watched that video where I was just like, damn, like somebody like in this community, it was like for the first time, I was like, Wow, somebody sees me, and like the way that you curated that whole thing, which I was I've the biggest honor I felt from that was not only being seen, but the fact that I knew that I was gonna do the same crap to you. And I made my video where you thought we were just gonna be ripping in uh one of your child bedrooms, uh childhood uh childhood bedrooms, and I was just like, Oh, I get this is my prime time to flip it back and give give him the same medicine and and everything. But yeah, I mean, I don't know, you're right. I think also what I wanted to talk about is like what people don't see, like you're just saying, and everything is I know that you feel sometimes when we film videos together and stuff, that you feel a backlash almost in a way, where like you feel like you're expected to be the guy that cries on camera about his brother and all of this was for his brother and stuff. And I know that we've had small conversations about it where you go, like, I'm just trying to have fun, like I'm just trying to be me and dude, what I feel in that moment and everything. And I think my dude, it's something that I just truly enjoy and love is being able to make those videos with you and almost because I almost hold like uh a weird crown, I think. Like, or I don't know how to word that, but I almost hold like this weird thing where like it's not I want you to be happy and do happy things elsewhere and stuff, but I always know that when it's me and you, it's gonna be a good time. It's gonna be fun ripping, it's gonna be these things. And I love that you have like this out uh outlet to sit here and not feel like every video you have to make has to be about giving something away, doing something for your career, doing these things because that can be daunting, especially after so long. And after you know, I know when you pulled the God pack, even you're just like, What do I do now? Right. This is now what do I do? And so being able to continue to do those things and have those moments where our friendship like really gets to well, I wouldn't even say really shines in the videos.

SPEAKER_01 45:58

I think it's like the entirety of like making content or being with ourselves when the cameras aren't really Yeah, like if we had just posted the footage of like us just making any of those videos, just full length unedited, yeah. It would shine when we're in like how start on YouTube and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:14

I would love to do that. It's entertaining. Oh, 100%. Yeah. But it's I don't know. I think, yeah, like you said, there's just a lot more that goes on, not only just with my life, but I think with your life that which is why I love that we're doing this podcast, is just to be like, here is the weird dreams, the the things that we go on with, the traumas, the the fucking things that really will make people be like. I said it in the prologue. Like when we make these clips and we're doing stuff together, whether it's you crying uh or doing whatever, haha. But like when you're doing these things or I'm sitting here, you know, doing crash out crap or being stupid or something, because I post videos that I'm super proud of where I'm like the whole what's going on with content creators or like the mental health and like all this other stuff and everything. I I said in the prologue that this is where you get to actually find out like the thing that I get afraid of, which is people forgetting that there's two guys behind this camera, like behind like this you know, stupid crap we do and everything. Yeah. Um, so I'm really pumped about the the whole thing of all of this, and I hope you are too. No, I he said as he points a gun at Christian. Tell him you're excited.

SPEAKER_01 47:19

Tell me, tell me you're excited right now, please. Right now. Um Yeah, I I I think that when it comes back to it, like we make videos and they're entertaining, and like we have a decent amount of people who like to follow along with our story, but like we're the most normal dudes out there, you know.

SPEAKER_00 47:36

I would argue that we are and we aren't the most normal dudes, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:40

And I would argue everybody is and they're not and no uh you know, it's like everybody's just a normal person, but like everybody has a story to tell. And it's just a matter of how do you tell it and which one do you tell. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:52

You know, and if you would like to tell us your stories, please email us at crashoutdaddies at gmail.com. Great segue, Christian.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

Yeah, but I mean it I mean that's literally it. Like, we make content that doesn't do well. And I I've made content that I'm not proud of where I'm like, I wish I didn't make that and post it, but like let's m we're moving on. Like that's a lesson. Like just on the way here, uh as I was driving, I was just watching all my old videos as I do. Yeah. Um while I'm driving. Conceited. In the snow, snowstorm.

SPEAKER_00 48:19

But no recommend doing that.

SPEAKER_01 48:20

Yeah, don't recommend doing that, yeah. But you know, you watch them and you're just like, I wish I didn't make that video. But now I know how to not make videos like that anymore. Yeah, you know, so it's it's all and what's crazy is like, you know, you put yourself out there and like one video could be the one where people are like, I don't think I like this person. Yeah, it's just like it's such a cutthroat thing where you can edit one thing wrong and your intentions are taken way out of context, and then people are saying something about you. Well, we But we're not we're not perfect, dude. Like we don't I've never done content creation of any sort before, and now we're like that's what I want to do with my life. But like that's but that's also terrifying.

SPEAKER_00 48:59

Like you know, what if I say something what if I say something wrong? You're human. I know. You're vastly human, which I've talked about with you plenty of times. And I think that one of my biggest attractions, not only to people that I want to date, but don't wink at me. You're a dick, remember? Something that like genuinely like that I look for in somebody that I'm gonna date or somebody that I just have, which I don't have many people in my life. Obviously, I don't have a family, I don't have you know any of those, but I have like my three close friends. I have like, you know, and then the people I want to date. Something that attracts me to them is them being vastly human. And I say that I've said that many times, and I think people do hear like, oh, vastly human. Like they understand, but you'd really that it's not that's just a buzzword to some people. Yeah, it's just a buzzword. Oh yeah, human, but like what does that mean? For me, it's like what you just said though. Like you, you having this fear, it's one of the billions of things, but it's having that fear, like you said, of just, oh, what if I say something I mess up? And my brain, my brain works in a way of just like, you're vaccinally human. Okay, you said something that was a slip-up or whatever, like that. Like you didn't go murder a bus full of kids. You you know what I mean? Shh, shh, shh. Don't tell them, dude. When I was driving in the snow, dude, I veered a bus off the side of the road. No, uh, it's but it is that. I I don't know. Like, I we've had moments like earlier. It feels like we're like preparing the community for like bad news to come out here.

SPEAKER_01 50:22

We take zero responsibility for the news. There's gonna be some news that comes out, guys, and we just want you to know that we are vastly.

SPEAKER_00 50:29

It's just you on the side of the road with a bus turned over, me driving up being like, What the fuck, Christian, what are you doing? And you going, It got 800,000 likes, bro. Look at it.

SPEAKER_01 50:40

An empty bus, though. Yeah, there's nobody on it. Yeah, yeah. No, there's no driver, it's just like I flipped a bus.

SPEAKER_00 50:46

It's a mysterious skit for a Pokemon pack rip when you have a bus flipped over. Yeah, you're you're crying, and I'm like, open this back, and like you pull heat, dude. Yeah, it's it's all we do. Um fuck, you made me lose my train of thought. What was I saying? You're talking about what vastly human means and your attractions to Yeah, but then there's something after that, but I don't remember what it was anymore. But you're yeah, I was gonna say something else too, and I forgot too already. I don't know. It's just the vastly human, and yeah, it's buzzwords to people and stuff, but I don't know. I Oh, that's what I was gonna say. Like when we have certain conversations, like you and I, like you not to bring it back to like you being a hesitant person, but you do, I think, hold such a uh weight on how I'm viewed by people because of your situation, because of the content you've constantly put out, that I think that like I want people to see this side of you and hear more from you because it makes you more vastly human in my eyes. I think that like you do have these hesitations because of what you have put out where you feel like like you just said, like, I don't want to slip up, I don't want to like, you know, and be viewed a certain way.

SPEAKER_01 51:48

And it's not as much about like the image when it comes to that, too. Like, people are gonna think what they're gonna think, but it's just like it's I've gotten so many comments where people are like, he's using his dead brother for clout. And that's what weighs on me the most. Is like I never ever ever want it to even appear to be one percent turning into a, you know, he got some recognition because of the story that he was telling about his brother, and then rode that wave into doing some podcasts and freaking some stuff.

SPEAKER_00 52:18

Yeah, sitting in a room with his buddy and like making no, but no, but like, you know, making stupid, like clickbait, right, skit-based, unnecessary content, and then like and that's what I meant too earlier with like videos with us, where like I have seen comments people left on videos of you and I where you're like where they've said something similar where they're like, This was supposed to be about your brother, yeah, or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 52:38

And I'm like, guys, it all is yeah, like if you if the all the videos I make with you, we're not just showing up and being like, all right, let's rip these packs. Like, yeah, it's like, oh yeah, we just had massive panic attacks and now we're calming each other down, and then you know, and now we're ripping packs. And like the video that I made with Kiki, like we talked for an hour about our brothers and then got into it. Like, it's a lot more complex than what goes on. It's not it's never just like, hey, dude, let's make a video and act like jackasses. It's there's a lot of this. This is what we carry with us all the time. Yeah. And yeah, I just I think that that's maybe unnecessarily weighs on me all the time. It's just like I want to make sure that because of the story that I told, that I'm giving back tenfold. Right. You know, because I wouldn't, I mean, I don't want to say I wouldn't be in this situation without my brother, but like I wouldn't have the community that I do now without being able to tell like my story and my brother's story. And I feel a responsibility to make sure that it's a good community, you know, not one and like that, yeah, and that doesn't mean every video is gonna be, you know, my brother's pack themed. Right. We're gonna have fun and we're gonna do silly stuff and make stupid videos sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 53:47

I think it was uh obviously it's always gonna be a blessing when you when you did pull the demigod pack finally and on every brother. Like that was always inevitable that it was going to happen. And um, I do think that, you know, like you had like said the thing about like, oh man, like what do I do now and stuff. But I do think that it was almost like that push or that moment where like you sit there and like maybe even Adrian or and stuff was just sitting there being like, This is your time to grow, grow a bit more. Right. And I do think that it happened at like a very pivotal moment in your life and stuff. Yeah. And to to sit there and I know there's a lot of crazy stuff, and yeah, I don't want people to sit there and like you said, like to watch these videos and be like, this is supposed to be my brother, this is supposed to be this and that, blah blah blah. Like like you said, like all of it is like it that's the thing. That's the core.

SPEAKER_01 54:33

Like when you like That's the GoFundMe, that's the the giveaways, that's the like like when I do a giveaway, it's like I could be spending this money on opening packs with my brother, but I want to get that same stuff into somebody else's hands. Oh, it's it's not just like it's not just like, oh, follow me for this giveaway, which like if you do that, that's fine. Like a lot of people do giveaways, but like in my head, it's like I have this stuff and I wish I could be ripping it with him, but I want to get somebody else to rip it.

SPEAKER_00 55:00

Yes, you know, just like but it when you look at it from the perspective of grief and loss, like people that make those comments, it almost comes out like they're just saying, like, you should be crying every day, you should be sad every day. Like, it's almost like as if you're robbing like memories or like diminishing memories of Adrian because you're having a day where you feel good or you're laughing.

SPEAKER_01 55:21

Yeah, it's it's either you need to be sad all the time or it's time to move on.

SPEAKER_00 55:24

Yeah, and that's there's no like they need to understand there's like a massive road. Like when you're sitting there, like you're allowed to have moments of levity in your life. It's almost like we're happily depressed. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 55:35

I mean, that's literally like the whole point of this is like we're going, both of us going through life in a the I think of the video that you showed me the other day where what's his face, Chris? Uh uh where he's like screaming, he's like Oh, crystal, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I'm so so sad all the time, but my life is so good.

SPEAKER_00 55:55

Yeah, yeah. It's like yeah, yeah, it's and all the good things remind me of how sad I am.

SPEAKER_01 56:01

Yeah, dude. It's uh yeah, 100%. Yeah, and then it's like a good thing happens, and you're like, it almost makes the sad things worse when good things happen too, which is so strange. But in the vice versa, it's yeah, it's yeah, it's like, oh my gosh, this is an amazing thing. Why is it amplifying the bad feelings too? Yeah, 100%. And talk about stability, yeah. That all adds into being unstable as a person. It's I mean, it's dude.

SPEAKER_00 56:28

You have to go through those like moments, but we you know, when you have these moments where like I know my ex-girlfriend who she had lost her older brother due to uh suicide. Um, but like we she would have moments where like we'd have good moments together or something, and she'd have those moments where she'd be like, Man, he would have really loved like this moment with us or like feel guilty for like Yeah, 100%. So I know that you probably also feel like those things. Like, I mean, I think about those things, and I never even met Adrian, but I do think about like, man, I love to cook, man. I really do. I would have loved to have cooked with Adrian, like, or just see what like his food was like and stuff like that. I know you probably have moments where you're sitting there having such a happy moment, and then don't don't cry, dude. So on branding you, dude. Stop fucking crying. I can just turn it on. It's yeah, it's uh it's all lies. No, but uh I'm sure because uh the reason I say it is I get those things. Like I don't have like the family stuff, but like I have moments in my life where I'm going, man, like I'm doing something really cool right now, like we when we just did the Denver thing, but the only person I can talk to about that is like you is you know, the three other people in my life that I'm getting close with and stuff. But I don't have like that outlet to be like, I get to talk to, you know, my dad that I don't have or my brothers that I don't have, or whatever. Like I don't get to do that. And it's I do feel conflicted sometimes when I sit there and like have moments where I'm like, fuck, like that is now another hole. And I am happy that the people that I put in my life, like you and stuff and others, that I I do get to just kind of you know embrace into that more, even if I feel empty sometimes. Yeah, so I I you know I think it's normal if you do feel like during those moments of man, this is really good high, but fuck, it's elevating the sadness right now because of X, Y, and Z.

SPEAKER_01 58:10

Yeah, like we were on stage with the Dew Boys last weekend, yeah, and we're up there and we're singing, Tonight will be the night.

SPEAKER_00 58:18

Pull the bone.

SPEAKER_01 58:19

And like I literally in like mid-song, and I you might be able to see it on the video, but I'm like, dude, how I'm like, I'm literally only So these are thoughts that I have is that I'm only on the stage because my brother died. Yeah, but that's not that's not it, and I keep having to correct it. I'm here because I'm a I'm telling a story. I was courageous enough to tell a story that a lot of people are resonating with, yeah, and people want to be a part of like that story that I'm continuing to tell. Right. You know, it's not like a pity party. That's not how I'm like singing with the do boys. Yeah, but like it's so hard to like stay out of that trap sometimes where it's like I'm just here because I'm a sad, I'm a sad boy. Yeah. When it's no, it's like I am strong, I'm telling a story that's helping a lot of people. And I know for a fact it's helping people because I've seen the DMs, you know, and it's like also maybe if any none of this ever happened, and I still had the courage to like create content, maybe I'd still be good at it, you know, still be fun, still make good videos and and stuff. But like the catalyst was wanting to connect with my brother still, and I had zero intentions of ever showing my face and having anybody see my videos. And the only reason I started making the videos is because my brother and I would send uh photos to each other because we would rarely, not rarely, but 60% of the time we would open packs by ourselves and text each other the hits. Yeah. You know? So when he passed away and I still wanted to chase it, I was like I can't I can't send it to him.

SPEAKER_03 59:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:54

But maybe I'll just put it into the internet and somehow that'll be a better connection. Right. You know, so it's yeah. Proud of you did. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:02

You know, it's a lot more uh Yeah, we have a lot going on. We do. I I thought I think about it all the time. Like with just like I had a talk with my ex the other day where I was just saying, and like, cause we'll check up on each other and stuff, because she's a great person and everything. And like she was like, I haven't said this yet. And she was like, and I feel bad for not saying it, because she has her own crap going on and everything. And but she was just like, it is crazy, like what happened in the past year, like with you and with Christian and like what you guys are doing. And like she was like, That's crazy to like look back and go, I remember when you just like because she's no, she knew I always loved poke. And she was just like, for you to literally, she's like, I remember, like, I don't know. To have like that thought though, where I'm sitting there going, dude, I remember like I remember sitting on my couch, like watching people pulling god packs and stuff, and being like, Fuck, dude, I haven't I haven't ripped Pokemon in like four years. Let me get back into it, you know, right and let me see what's going on. And I went and bought, you're gonna hate me for this, but Prismatic Surprise Boxes had just came out or whatever. I literally went and bought one. And in the first prismatic surprise box, I pulled the Joltion SIR. And I was like, fuck, dude, I'm I'm back in this. And having a a past where I've already done social media and everything, like, and and doing a bunch of different stuff on there and everything, like I don't know, like, and going through like my bipolar episodes that were hitting really hard, and like my depression that was hitting again. I was like, this is a good avenue for me to just because I took a year off from making content on my other page, or almost a year, and I was like, because I was hit with like panic attacks every freaking week multiple times, and like depression and like you know, all these dark crap and dark shit and everything. And I was like, all right, this has to be the outlet and everything. But I remember like sitting there and like filming my first video or whatever, and then like two other ones and whatever it was, and I was just like, all right, maybe I can do something with this and everything. But to think back at like when I was making those first ones, I thought they would do okay, you know. I didn't think they would do where we're leading to right now, but like I do think about it constantly where I'm like, shit, dude, to think back from a year ago and going, I'm gonna do this, to fast forward, I'm meeting and sitting with who I do claim is my best friend and brother. And like it's just a claim though. It's just a claim. Yeah, it's not it's contract. It's but no, to sit there and be like, this guy's you know, best friend, and truly like I wouldn't the lay out my own life for you, like type of person. And um to just look at what we're doing is just absolutely astronomical. Like, I would have never, never in a million years, like ever since watching the first two boys video, just bringing it back to them, I would have never thought we would have been doing what we just did. Yeah. Same with Beard Dad and like you meeting him and like watching that whole experience, like just anything, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:49

Like, I would Yeah, I was I like had a little freak out when I was at work, and then I see you know, beard dad cards want to collaborate on a reel, and I was like, What the hell? Yeah, yeah, like I knew it was coming, yeah, but like not yeah, it's like you know, you watch these guys and you're like, uh, I could never when we were mating these people and like even Coop and like talking them, dude.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:10

There's so many times where like I know we were both doing it where I was just like I think hyper focused on his face. Do you know what I mean? Because like you you said a couple times, you're like, it's like we're inside social media right now. And it a hundred percent was like that. Like just being and like, I mean kind of in a fanway, but I don't know. But it was just like, I don't know, just to be sitting there being like, we're not not in a fanway of like, oh, coop's behind his table vending, we just walked up, blah, blah, blah, blah. But like, we're just standing there, just being like having a full fledged conversation with him. Or like when we'd have moments when we were doing stuff with the do boys, and I had to go back over to Avery and Pokishon's table and stuff. And I'm literally like, sounds weird to say this, but like touching Poke Sean's back, being like, yo, bro, where's your cookies at? Because like I needed to eat a cookie to to like, you know, settle myself down and stuff. And he's just like, Oh, hey, bro, gotcha. And he's like, all just normal and like we're just hanging out. I was just but there's so many moments where I'm like, This is if you told me a year ago that this is what I would like be doing right now, or like people coming up and taking photos with us, or like, and you know, we're signing shit, like never would have thought. Yeah, would and I'm beyond grateful to have just been like, This is like I told you before, like, there's I have I'm a man that's like multi-layered with a million hobbies, which is you're like an onion. Yeah, uh, but it's due to yeah, thanks, Freck. So, like, but it is it's a byproduct of mental health issues, yeah. And also because I am a firm believer that I hate corporate life and I hate people, which you know all about. Yeah, you you're that. And like, but I'm such a person that I always have deemed in my life ever since I was a kid, after seeing the worst of the worst in life, that I want to live through my passions. I want to do things that I love and is creative and make money off of it and do things with it and change people's lives and and change my life, and like show people that no matter what, you you sh good shit can happen, dude. Like if you just you don't have to live by the book that some weirdo fuck wrote like a hundred something years ago. But I don't know, like I would have it's just I like with all of the different hobbies I have, whether it's drawing or music or writing or fucking whatever, like this is something where like I want to start it with Pokemon and see where it goes because we're killing it. And I really am pumped for this podcast and anything else to see what happens and unfolds for us on this weird little journey that we're on. Yeah. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:29

Yeah, and it's I mean, and I know you said like you want to be doing the stuff that you love and make money off of it, and but it's like it's never about the money. Don't you nobody thought that until you said No, but like no, there but there are people out there that are like Yeah, you know, they're branching off to do this to try to get money and they're talking about sponsors, and it's like I joke when we talk about sponsors. Like, yeah, that'd be cool, but like But I do want them. Yeah, I do want them, but I want them because people believe in the content that we're putting out and that it's helpful.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:56

I think that I think more people would want us to have sponsors. And make money off of it, then people wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:02

Imagine having more money to be able to like not worry about like for me, I'm like, dude, I work a full-time job that bleeds into the mornings and nights and the weekends. Yeah. And it's like being here right now, I text you, I'm like, I gotta be quick. Yeah. You know.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:19

But I think in the regards of like money and sponsors and stuff, like it's like I've said before, like with you and everything like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:25

And it's just real life. Sorry. Like no, no, no. Like, I'm not like, oh yeah, like I am expecting it to be different. Like I know I know people work full-time jobs and content created at the same time. Yeah. A hundred percent. But I think everybody's dream is like that they can use the code.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:38

But not to make us sound like shitty or narcissistic or conceited, but like a lot of people gravitate towards their content not because of the cards we're hitting. Like, yes, that's an aspect of it, but like they're invested in you and I because of who you and I are. Like they would want us to have the sponsors, they would want us to get paid to do this and have it be a full-time thing because they are that supportive and they want us to live that life where you get to sit there and be like and touch people's lives and make these videos and have this podcast or whatever the fuck else we do in the future. Like they want us to do those things because they are invested in who you are, Christian. They're invested in who I am and they want these things to happen. Like they see the effect that we have, the openness we have, the humanity that we have, and they want that to grow. And having sponsors or making money is just the byproduct or what happens when people support you. You know, like you said, you when you're doing a live and you get donations, they don't do that because they're like, rip the rip the pack. Yes, it's part of it, but it's because they enjoy you at the core of why they're watching it. They could watch anybody rip a pack of Ascended Heroes. Anybody, dude. There's millions of creators, there's millions of people on there, but people gravitate towards you and I ripping them because they go, These guys, they got it, dude. Whatever that is, they got that. Right. And that's that thing is is vastly human, dude. And being. I thought you were gonna say Vaseline. They got it, dude. Whatever it is, and it's Vaseline, dude. They rub it all over their bodies, and dude, then you know what I love.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:01

This is the anxiety of me, is and this is part of why I don't drink anymore, is like the anxiety when you're like you're like, oh, I what did I stupid thing did I say last night? Um Are you gonna have a lot of anxiety about this? I'm gonna have some anxiety. It's like, am I gonna like listen? I'm gonna think about stuff that I said and be like, I really hope that's not taken the wrong way. Here's what I want to do. And then I'm gonna be like, oh my god, I hope that doesn't get taken the wrong way. And then I'm gonna feel the need to address it on the next one and be like, hey guys, I wanna briefly touch on I don't like Vaseline. Guys, I something that I said, and it's like, you know how many things, yeah. I was bullied as a kid and I got called bad names and it messed with my self-confidence, so I became sarcastic and witty. And I like that we both simultaneously through therapy, you know, it's like a defense mechanism. It's like I don't want to be hurt like that. So then sometimes when I'm uncomfortable, I say witty sarcastic stuff that gets taken the wrong way, and then I you know, punish myself later.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:57

No, don't don't do that. I want all the reviews not to be about my vain dream, but I want it to be about like they're all about but no, I want the conversation. I love seeing this side. Like, that's what I want. Like, I don't want you to have that, which I know that it's it's human nature. We're gonna have like those both of us, like I'll have those thoughts, and like I'll listen back and be like, God, I sound like a fucking idiot right there.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:16

Yeah, or whatever. But but we're just trying our best, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:20

And that's it, and there's nothing more you could ask for. But I genuinely like I want you to try to do your best, whatever you have to do, to relieve yourself of that anxiety, we can call it. Don't don't look at me like that, dude. But I want you to to to just take a breath, dude, because you know it's all a part about like it's it it is part of what we're doing, and they're opening that door and having those things.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:41

I think it just takes time.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:42

You you are looking at it from the lens of they know me as my brother's pack talking about my dead brother and ripping Pokemon. So like everything you're doing right now is so new and fresh, and it's gonna be new and fresh to some listeners, and that's fine. But if they do love you for the reasons and follow you for the reasons that they're claiming that they do, then they're gonna love this too. Like that's all it is. Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:04

You know, because like the person that I put in the videos is just me. Yeah, you know, but it's one one part of you.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:11

Yeah, and this is where you get to be a little onion, dude. Or a big, tall onion. Handsome little onion you are, dude. Sweet, sweet onions. Sweet onions, dude. That dude could have been our podcast name, dude. Sweet onions. It's kind of the same thing, halfly depressed sweet onions. Yeah, it's the same thing, dude. Same thing, just onion related. Do you like eating onions raw? I do. If I'm if I'm cooking a dish and I'm slicing onions up, dude, I whole handfuls of onions. Onions don't make me cry. No, me neither. I love that, dude. Is that like a gene? Is it gene wilder, dude? Yeah, he never cries. No, he cries. Well, he did. Yeah, can't I'll never get to meet one. Not so wild now, huh? He's one of my idols in life. Massive idols. Love Gene Wilder. Um, but no, yeah, weird.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:50

All right, I gotta hop on a meeting, so that's wrap this up.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:53

All right, guys, thank you so much for listening to the first episode of Happily Depressed. Please, please, please email Crash OutDaddies, D-A-D-D-I-E-S at gmail.com. Uh send us your stories, send us your feedback, let us know what you love about us, what you hate about us, tell us your mental health things, your sad stories, your happy stories, the crazy conspiracy theories. I don't know. I want to hear a bunch of I want to tell anything, dude. I want anything. I'm going to say this again to really hammer down. I want so much different stuff, dude. I want to have a blast.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:22

Nothing is off limits, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:23

Nothing is off limits, dude. Tell us This is our pilot episode, too. So tell us why your boyfriend sucks in the bedroom. I don't know, dude. I I yeah I don't care about that as much, but I want to know everything. Dude, just human female cult, yeah, Pokemon for the for that stuff.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:38

For the other stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:39

Uh no, I want to know everything, dude. I want to I want to have a blast of this and uh make sure that we all feel human while we all live happily depressed. Dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:48

Happily depressed.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:49

All right, guys, thanks so much. Go follow my brother's pack. Everything's in the description. Follow my brother's pack and follow Cult Pokemon CLTPKM and make a GoFundMe donation. We get that money to people that really need it. Yes, GoFundMe Donations. Check everything out, and we'll see you on the next episode. All right, then. Until next until next time. Until next time. If you don't hear us now, you'll hear us another time later. Crushed it.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:10

You've been riding with happily depressed. Depressed.