Episode 1 - William

William served more than twenty years as an Army tanker, carrying the weight of combat, leadership, and the quiet moments that stay with a soldier long after the uniform comes off. In this conversation, he speaks with the honesty and unfiltered clarity that defines him — sharing stories of service, loss, brotherhood, and the line he still carries today. This episode preserves the voice of a man shaped by duty and decades of lived experience, offering a rare look into the heart of a soldier who never stopped serving.

Content Note: This episode contains strong language and candid descriptions of military life.

Transcript

William

SPEAKER_03 0:01

This is William, an army tanker who speaks the way a lot of us spoke in uniform. Direct, unfiltered, and honest. That includes strong language at times. Nothing here has been added or dramatized. This is simply his natural voice. As a former Navy corpsman, I recognize that tone. Different branches, different jobs, but the same truth. When we're talking about the things that shaped us, we don't dress to that. We say it the way it comes out. I've chosen to keep William's voice intact because Fireline is about honoring real stories of service, not polished versions. Strong language language isn't for you, I understand. But if you stay with us, you'll hear a career tanker sharing his story with honesty, humor, and heart. This is William, in his own words. So when you look back at your 20 plus years in the army, what stands out as the moment you truly felt this is who I am?

SPEAKER_02 1:17

My first week in Iraq.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

What about it? Why?

SPEAKER_02 1:23

Well, you know me, I was always a bit of a troublemaker. And that's kind of how I was in Garrison. Go for eight, nine months, nothing be wrong, and then all of a sudden just one counseling state after another BMA or mouth it off or whatever. But I don't know.

"It's like I excelled in combat"

SPEAKER_02 1:40

It's like I excelled in combat. And people back there listen.

SPEAKER_03 1:44

Like I said, you were always destructive, hyperactive kid. I'm not surprised.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

People always listen to me when we were in garrison, but they come to combat, it's like I had no fear. And even though I was supposed to be, yeah. But basically in a conversation with my best friend's mom, who's an ordained minister, and she asked me, like, Well, did you ever play Army as a kid? And of course, my response was, nobody ever plays Navy as a kid. And she's like, Well, with your whole family being your mom's side of your family all being military and stuff, maybe it's just who you were meant to be. That's why the whole PTD PTSD diagnosis that I have. It's not like I'm sitting there having nightmares and scaring me awake or terrified of fire or a tree and that kind of shit. Nothing seems to really bother me. I mean, I have my the first fire look always scares me, but once they go off, I'm good to sit there and watch them. But I just like I've seen people at the VA just I don't know if you remember Guiding Ed Roman. That's one of dad's friends and do construction stuff. Sounds like he's one of the yeah, he's one of those 4th of July, New Year's Eve. He sits in his basement with a loaded over, scared to death. He he can't help it. I'm just not that type of PTSD.

SPEAKER_03 3:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

It just like I was just meant to be what I was.

SPEAKER_03 3:10

So what what drew you to the army? What kept you there for two decades?

SPEAKER_02 3:15

The kid I had in high school. I mean, boils down. I I left to get away from all of that. Her and her family gave them up for adoption. I was kind of running away because Pendleton is one of those towns, if you don't move out right after high school, you pretty much live there your whole life. And I knew there was more to the world than just Pendleton, Indiana.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

Most people in Pendleton, Indiana don't realize that. They just kind of sit there and stay there. I know.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

Or they work in Indianapolis, but they still live in Madison County, or now they work in Anderson or something, and it's just there, there's more to I actually tell them mom it's not fenced in, right? Can't leave. I don't I don't really even like going back. Wasn't for the friends, family I got there, I wouldn't. Neither. Neither. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

Um, so what was your role and how how did it seal? What was it like being a tank driver? I know that's not what they were called, but tank driver, so to speak.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

It is that that was the uh greatest and hardest job ever. I mean, it's it's great driving around 72 tons that nothing on this planet can stop. But the driver's seat's so damn comfortable. When you come to a stop, it's hard to stay awake. I was yelled at through the headphones. People take an antenna out, jab it down through the turret, they hit me in the back of the head to wake me up. It is hard. Especially when you do a gunnery or something, it's just so repetitive and boring and exciting at the same time, but you come to a short halt because of range maintenance. Oh, you could everything you can do, just keep your eyes open. It's also late night and comfortable.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

How did express experience, how did that experience shape your combat and service, combat service and regular service?

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Oh, being a driver really didn't. It just I mean it's basically the start. I mean, it basically treated to teach you a little bit about teamwork, stuff like that, but I think it's especially when it comes to mechanized combat, like a Bradley or a tank or even Mornerman and stuff, you get a Lee, you learn to be, it's it's not just about you, right?

"It's the four people in your crew"

SPEAKER_02 5:27

It's the four people in your crew. It's almost like kids, brothers or sisters, but you learn you'd almost take a bullet for them. You get that close. I mean, a platoon is 16 tankers. We get kind of close, we have a good time together, but the four members of that individual crew are closer than any four people will be in aid the rest of the platoon.

SPEAKER_03 5:47

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

I mean, I still I still keep in contact with my first crew that I have in Iraq, all but one of them. He just fell off the map. Don't do social media, so he's impossible to find. But still got my driver, loader, my tank, my first tank, well, not my first tank commander, but Sergeant Burks. He he guided me a lot because he was a country bumpkin like I was. Even named our tank Backwoods. So it was we had me, him, and Guy Dem Cash in from Newton, Kansas, and then my buddy Oz for a sketer pump from California. He was the odd man out. And during our first tour, I ended up kicking him out of the service for mental issues prior to the military, we'll say. And that was 2003. And now he lives in Indiana, and every time I go home, as soon as he hears I'm there, he's wherever I'm at. It's like I can't get rid of it.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Like a like a like a lost little puppy dog.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Yeah, like me kicking them out of the service saved his life. Besides the other times prior, I'd saved his life. So he I I call him my little imperial soldiers. I mean, not that we ever did, but I do like hey, the 80-year-old lady going shit out of her. He'd go up there, do it, and come back. Wouldn't even ask why he had to do it. He had just he followed me blindly.

SPEAKER_03 7:13

Wow. Wow. Okay, what does the world look like and feel like from inside that tank?

SPEAKER_02 7:19

A bunch of targets. It's inside the tank, you feel invincible because it's you know, not nothing. The only munition around the world that can destroy that tank is our own ammunition. Like in Desert Storm, I think it was 14 tanks we lost. It was all due to friendly fire.

SPEAKER_03 7:39

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

Just and lack of communication. Nobody'd ever really driven in a desert, can't really read a map because dudes move. So, and GPSs were brand new during Desert Storm. So it was it was a learning curve in Desert Storm, but that everything, nothing, nothing stops that tank. As we say in a tank roll, it's basically 72 times up shrimp work. Wow, that's all it is.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

Wow. So, how'd your training prepare you or not prepare you for the realities of combat?

SPEAKER_02 8:14

On basic, it was our our basic along with a couple others. We go through what's called OSIT, which is one station unit training. So instead of doing basic and moving off to AIT, our basic was 16 weeks long, but we learned about tanks from day one. It was all AIT and BASIC was all incorporated into each other. So we learned about the tanks, but we still got to low crawl under the barbed wire where they're shooting guns over your head and stuff like that. Throwing hand grenades, shooting rockets, you know. We don't really get to do as tankers, but we learned the whole basic infantry thing and to be tankers all at one time. So it made it kind of easy. Especially when you got to Iraq, because after a few months of being there, we realized we can't take tanks up and down the roads anymore. You know, because they were tearing the streets up, bumping into cars, stuff like that. So it was just easier for a couple of tankers, 16 of us just to go out on foot patrol.

SPEAKER_03 9:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

Which may have been a long time since any of us have done that. But even in your garrison training, you want to rub marches once, twice a year, go to the gas chamber once, twice a year, still do everything everybody else does. So we we knew it. It was just uh again a learning curve for us to dismount the tank. Because tankers are always you know death before dismount, but not in my wreck.

SPEAKER_03 9:36

Yeah. When did you enlist? Because I I wasn't around when you I I'm not sure last time I saw you before I saw you in Louisiana. I think you were probably maybe early teens, mid late pre-teen or even early teens was probably last time I saw you before Louisiana.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

All right. I see, I enlisted in September of 93. Graduated year 94, and 16 days later I was a basic training.

SPEAKER_03 10:12

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

I definitely wasn't waiting around to stay in Penelope.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

I don't blame you. That's what I did. I graduated in May and I left in August for boot camp. With what without going into anything you don't want to share, what is a moment from deployment? What's a moment from deployment that still lives with you?

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Probably that first IED. You know, I because I the second tour, the first tour, we didn't have any IEDs. The biggest thing was people stringing piano wire across the road trying to decapitate takers, you know, so we elevated our 50,000, we broke down the road. People throwing grenades off of bridges, but and I got to Iraq about a month late. The second tour, you know, because I'd been divorced, and my first sergeant and all of them didn't want my ex to take the kids, which they knew was part of the deal. If I got deployed, she had to take kids. So they left me on rear D and my dumbass went and got remarried again. So they were like, Oh, look, you're married, you have a family care plan. Now you can deploy. But so I got over there a month late, and you know, when you first come into country, it's like seven to ten days. You have to wait for you out on mission. So I was bored as all could be. And they kept telling me and warning me, and you know, people would come back telling me about these IEDs. First day I got to roll out, the lieutenant's truck was still down from taking an IED hit, so he wanted to ride with me. And I'd become a tank commander at the time, so I was, you know, had a Humvee. I was like, Well, I guess you can sit in the front seat. I'll just the radio's this is my truck, so it's you know, I'll man the radio. And Lieutenant Norman, we called him Storm and Norman, a little skinny black guy. He was funny as all could be. He was as a soldier, he was the perfect lieutenant because he he knew he knew his stuff, but he also didn't talk down to like he was one of the guys.

SPEAKER_03 12:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:19

Yeah. We all do him, you know, we call him lieutenant and stuff like that, sir, but off duty. It was like, you know, I can't remember what he said his first name was. You know, because all officers go by first name, but within the platoon, we all called him by his first name. I just can't remember what it was. And we hit that first IED. They went right, it'd make you buffer. I just remember thinking, like, what the hell was that? And he was getting all crazy and panicking, like he was on the radio. I was like, no, I got this, sir. And he was he was like, I'm just surprised how calm you are. I was like, Well, I've been to Iraq before. I know you're fresh out of school, but I've been I've been to this country before. So he just stayed calm, called up our grid cordon, and luckily our truck was still able to move, so we got to where we were going. And then called in mechanical support. So it was time to be as raggedy as they run. It was my first time in an up-armed one, and it basically drove all the way where we needed to go on three tires.

SPEAKER_03 13:25

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Wow. So it was missing a whole hub and panicking and me just being calm. That's another one of those moments where, like, yeah, it's like I'm made for this or something. It just didn't seem to bother me.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

So, what was the camaraderie? What did the camaraderie look like in your unit?

SPEAKER_02 13:44

Based like a brother or sister. We'd pick on each other non-stop. I mean, it it was constant. Gave each other nicknames, but nobody outside, nobody outside the platoon could pick on anybody, otherwise, they'd be jumped by 15 other guys. Yeah. It's like it's, you know, like me at least, I'd pick on her nonstop. I wouldn't let anybody else. It's like she was mine to pick on nobody else's.

SPEAKER_03 14:12

You don't get her, she's mine.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

And that's how we all look at each other. We'd all make fun of each other almost to the point of making somebody want to cry. Somebody else do it, you'd see your brother stand up for you.

SPEAKER_03 14:24

Yeah. Okay. Who is someone you've served with that you'll never forget? And why?

SPEAKER_02 14:31

Sardin Burke. We uh obviously I can't forget Oz because he just won't, he's like something penicillin can't get rid of. You know, no matter how hard you tried. Sardin Burke, when I first came back from Korea, went to Fort Riley. They put me as the MO NCO, and Sardin Burke was the master gunner. So, and being a master gunner on a tank, there's not a whole lot about a tank you don't know. So he knew almost everything there was to know about the tanks. And we'd sit up there and talk about tanks, he'd teach me about tanks, you know, stuff that I didn't know. It's just a gunner, you know, that you know, only a TC or a master gunner would know. And as an am and he loved to fish. So every day at lunchtime, me and him would take off. And on Fort Riley, I had this place called Cameron Springs, which is real close to there on Custer Hill. It's one of the only ponds they had on Fort Riley that had trout in it. They would stop trout. So almost every day we'd go out there fishing, catching trout, and just get talking, bullshit. And his wife was actually the lunch lady at my kids' elementary school. And when I came back from the first appointment and was going through my divorce, it it was okay that I was late to work. We had to do things. Doris, his wife, being the lunch lady, would literally wait for my kids outside the school, walk them to her house, and she would literally babysit my kids until you know, until Raymond showed up or I showed up, knew I was off work. I'd come in. So she basically babysit them for free for a couple hours, out of the kindness of her heart. She was a sweet lady. And Sarge Sergeant Burke was too. He was he liked to talk a big game. Like he'd tell some nasty sex stories. But then I would chime in. I was like, does Doris know you fucking talk like this? I'm pretty sure Doris don't know you talk like this. You know, just men talking shit. I I knew that's what it was. But yeah, when he he ended up retiring and got a hold of me on Facebook and asked me if I would give him a recommendation because he was gone as a civilian contractor over at Dubai. Yeah. Or Sarah or some some one of those rich Arab countries or whatever. I was like, of course I will. You know, and then somebody like two weeks later called me and all I did was crazy. And I he ended up getting the job because I seen all kinds of pictures of him and Doris, you know, wearing those man dresses and staying in gold-plated hotel robes. He had a good time. You know, he's he's put on a little bit of weight, got older since he's retired.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

Oh, and we all.

SPEAKER_02 17:11

You know, you know if it comes down if I get Alzheimer's or something like that, that that I don't I think that'll be one guy I'll never forget.

SPEAKER_03 17:17

So having leadership, good or bad, shape your experience.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

You know as well as I do. Every now and then you just have jackass officers. And it at times it makes you want to get out, but then you just tell yourself, you know, my three years is almost up. I can go somewhere else and never have to deal with this guy. I I had that problem at Fort Riley. And when they transferred to me to Fort Polk, I'll be damned if he wasn't there too. But he was one of those officers like talking down to people and being a major. You know, I had made staff sergeant, and I was like, difference between me and you is I've been promoted five times. You know, I just never let him talk down to me. And he hated it, but there was nothing he could really do about it because I went be a district. You know, there's there's a trickful way to be district. Like you can basically tell somebody to go F themselves without actually saying the words. That was that was me and him every day. He gets like he walk away and be like, wait a minute, sir, really just tell me to go screw myself? I I was okay with it. Yeah, I I learned quick.

SPEAKER_03 18:31

So, what was the hardest part about coming back home and into civilian life? After getting out, after getting coming home from that from the the sandbox and then coming getting out after so many years.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

Wasn't nothing really hard about coming back from deployment. Brother bodies turned falling apart. Hard part about his retirement was lack of respect and discipline out here. Like I I looked at people who haven't been in the military as complete morons. They just have no clue about anything.

SPEAKER_03 19:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

And it's and it's infuriating sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 19:07

Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

So I know I don't I know people very well.

SPEAKER_03 19:12

Here you wish people understood about long-term military service.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

Or the kings of FAFO. Just because we're quiet, reserved, like I am now, you know. I still crack up a room, laughing, telling jokes. I tell combat stories that I get one of two reactions when I tell them, either like, what the fuck is wrong with you, or they just think it's hilarious. Right. But it's it's how I deal with it. And it's just because I'm calm and relaxed and I've actually found my peace, it don't mean I forgot how to be violent. Right. And people seem to see them on TV all the time trying to push that, and I'm like, you just have no idea. Like, we're gonna start a civil war. You can't start a lot now, or shut the fuck up. That's basically what it is. People have yeah, everybody wants to, oh, thank a better that one day a year. Just be doing it every day. You see that old guy wearing that Vietnam hat, thank him for his service. Yes. Yes, Vietnam or around here, surprisingly, here in Florida, there's a lot of Navy vets here. They wear whatever USS, whatever ship they were on. I think for their service. I don't care if they've done two years, four years, twenty years, you know. And you know, you know that you know as well as I do, the rest of the service makes fun of the Navy. Yeah, and we all make fun of the Air Force. And again, it's like a brother-sister kind of thing. I'm allowed to pick on them because they're my brother and sister, but you're not. That's right. That's right. I'm still waiting, I'm still waiting to run into that first Air Force better or Space Force better. I have so many jokes.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

I'm gonna probably edit this part out because but it's because it's more personal than anything. My you know my dad had another kid, right? Uh-huh. Her her grandson, her one, her, I don't know, she's got several, but one of her grandsons just joined Space Force.

SPEAKER_02 21:16

Oh, so we can edit this out too. I've got a joke for you.

SPEAKER_03 21:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

And you'll be even maybe, you may not appreciate it, but marines love this joke. I've told you three marines.

SPEAKER_03 21:27

Oh, I love marines, so it's it's a bit of a visual too.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

Okay, so God's just walking around heaven one day, looks down, sees a marine rowing across the Pacific Ocean. He's just down there, one, two, three, four, I love Marine Corps. God's like, and God's like, wow, these marines are tough, but the Pacific's pretty big. He must be rolling out there to die or something. You know, well, let me let me help him out. I'll take his heart. Snaps his fingers, looks down. Marine's still down there. One, two, three, four, five, level, marine core. And God's thinking to himself, like, man, I knew these brains were tough.

unknown 22:05

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

I know. I'll take his brain. Snaps his fingers, looks down. One, two, three, four. I love the brain core. God's like, man, there's just no stopping this guy. I know. I'll take his genitals.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

Looks down. In the Navy. We're the man for the girl. Marines love that joke.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

They do, they would. I love my Marines. I was a corpsman with the Marines. So I love my Marines. I always tell people I was bred by the Navy, but rings by Marines. I learned how to be a corpsman in the Marines.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

Yeah, I heard somebody say that you know the Marines are just the department of the Navy. Yeah, the Ministry department. I was like, wow. I thought the Army and everybody else was bad, but I guess there's a lot of jokes between the Navy and the Marines.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

Oh, yes, there are. So how has the service shaped the man you are today? And I use man because you know that's you are, regardless, as I still see you as a little boy.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

So is Aunt Judy last time I showed up. Like I knocked on Uncle Don's floor. Uncle Don had no idea who I was. But Aunt Judy was just coming back from the YMCA when she pulled her car, parked there across the street, walked over. And she gave me that look like she didn't realize who I was either.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

But then I smiled and she's like, Wonky, I knew exactly who you were. Minimus George smiled.

SPEAKER_02 23:32

I was like, God, I wish you all to drop that thing.

SPEAKER_03 23:34

That's what I was gonna re ask you. Can I use that nickname?

SPEAKER_02 23:39

I don't care.

SPEAKER_03 23:42

You'll always be wonky. Willie Wonka.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

Some of the better nicknames I've been called. Like my ex-wife called me a bastard. I was like, I've been called worse. She's like, what? I was like, your husband.

SPEAKER_03 23:57

So how has the service shaped the man you are?

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Honestly, I as a kid, I don't think I had a lot of respect for anything. Because I I didn't, you know, my parents divorced. Shut up. My parents divorced when I was young. You know, not that my childhood was rougher than anybody else's, but you know, you know my mom and dad. It wasn't exactly easy. So I just didn't have a lot of respect for anything. And definitely that's definitely one of the things we learned in the middle trip. Like I don't I find myself eavesdropping sometimes. Like people talk on their phones out loud in public and giggle and stuff, and I keep comments to myself as to where before I'd say something out loud. Just kind of be rude about it. But now I'm just not really rude to anybody unless they give me a reason to.

SPEAKER_03 24:53

Right.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

You want to respect others, leave. Treat others like I want to be treated, left alone. That's basically it.

SPEAKER_03 25:01

Yeah. So what part of your story do you want your family, future generations to remember?

SPEAKER_02 25:08

That I wasn't a complete jackass. I eventually got my shit together. And I I tell I tell everybody, no, I don't I don't care what other people think of me. I really don't.

unknown 25:20

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

I would I would I would hope that my mom and dad were proud of me and thought I'd spit person. But if they don't, it don't hurt my feelings. Other people's opinion of me is their problem, not mine. Right. I just stopped concerning myself with others. Wonder what they think or how they feel. Or if like the relationship I used to be in, whether the relationship I'm in is good for me or not, it's none of their damn business. Right. Yeah. I obviously my parents never listen to me, so I take their advice, I take their their words under advisement. That's probably as far as it goes.

SPEAKER_03 25:58

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

I do what I want to do. Only you can make yourself happy. I've found how to make myself happy. I found my peace, my happiness. And then I decided to go out and find a girlfriend. So we're happy. I'm happy.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

That's good.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

That's the word a lot of soldiers, I think, confuse being content with being happy. And it it still saddens me that, you know, even though I know they say 22 a day, I know it's a lot more than that. And I just wish that you all know they got the when you used to call the BA when I first retired. The voice prompt would always be, you know, say one for pharmacy, two for primary care, blah, blah. If you're thinking you're hurting yourself, call whatever number. Or when I first things I told my doctor. I was like, if somebody's thinking about committing suicide, don't you don't want them to get off the fucking phone. And probably a year later, now it's press seven to be ten acted directly to suicide highlight.

SPEAKER_04 27:05

Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:06

Not saying I made that change, but I made the suggestion. Right. I've dealt with soldiers are on the edge of killing themselves because they're they're alcoholics or their kids don't want nothing to do with it. The wife just left them. Yeah, it's shit happens. Yeah. Just because somebody, I mean, I understand a death in a family too. That that's rough on people, but just because somebody in your life died don't mean your life has to stop to it.

SPEAKER_03 27:32

Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:33

So I just wish I actually thought about starting a podcast thing myself where just actually, like I said, kind of hotline, just to where anyone, anyone ever served a service, feels down like that, call me. Most of my army buddies now call me two, three o'clock in the morning because they know two things. I'll answer the phone and I'm probably awake. And even if I'm not awake, I still talk to them. I'll wake up and talk to them. Right.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

It's just it's just not worth it.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

What is one thing you wish that the civilian population understood, not just about the army, but all veterans, all service members, all uh through all branches.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

I've heard people on TikTok, Facebook, oh, people just go to the military because they ain't got nothing else to do. They're too stupid or do this, too stupid or do that. I got five words for them. Bitch, I got a master's. I mean, I got accepted to Notre Dame while I was in basic training. And my drill sergeant tried to talk me out of getting out. He's like, dude, you got a full ride to freaking college. You don't need to be doing this. I was like, no, I'm here. They're too late. They should have contacted me before I graduated. They didn't. I blew them off, went on to the Army and State. So it's everybody joins for different reasons. And I see people saying, well, they target inner city black kids. Yeah, because if the inner city black kids want a way out of, you know, not the stereotype, but you know, gang life or getting into drugs or being shot in a drive-by, what better way to do it than get out in the world? You're on your own. You're making money. The Army pays for your and any military branch will pay for your college. And if you decide to go National Guard, which I have a ton of jokes for, usually the state pays for your education. Right. And it's no matter what you want to do. So it's not just go to military because you ain't got no other options. I had plenty of options. I just maybe it's like my friend mom

"It's what I was meant to do"

SPEAKER_02 29:46

Paula said, it's what I was meant to do.

SPEAKER_03 29:48

Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:49

You know, I if I'd stayed home, God, I'd probably still live in Indiana. I probably went to work with dad at Brunswick, you know. He used to make six figures a year working for Brunswick, bowling, building bowling alleys. It was a rough life, but when he took time off, he got to enjoy himself because he had the money to do it. Right. And I probably wouldn't have ended up doing that. And my body probably would have been more broke down than it is now. But I can always say after 20, almost 21 years of service, I literally sit here and make money. I don't have to do anything.

SPEAKER_03 30:22

I hear you.

SPEAKER_02 30:24

Some people may resent me. I like how my girlfriend looks at it. She's like, you've done your time, you've earned what you got. Almost earned myself some Leavenworth. That's your that's a different story for different different points.

SPEAKER_03 30:39

And different podcasts are way on different podcasts.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

It's not a war crime the first time.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

So this one.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Like I watched that vet TV. She knows veterans, we do have a twist fucking sense of humor. And some of the shows I've seen on there, I'm like, oh my god, this I cannot believe they still let this air. That is so offensive and just so, but it's so damn funny. Because it's it's true. It's you know, you think, oh, guys just hit on girls all the time, but girls in the military are just as nasty as the men. They talk the same, they think the same. It's it's a state of mind. We're all we're all the same, we all have the same issues. So, you know, doing vet TV is a way for soldiers to watch something, it may bring flashbacks to things happening, and but a lot of times you laugh and joke about it, but I think it helps a it may it helps a lot of people to talk about what's going on with it. Me, I've done therapy, it don't work. It it's especially the VA. You get a 24, 25-year-old counselor, and you're sitting there talking to them, you just don't they don't understand, they may have been trained to understand, but they really don't understand. And then when I was telling you earlier, they sent me to group counseling because they realized therapy wasn't working, sent me to group, and there was one Vietnam veteran in there. And this big guy in a wheelchair had a pacemaker, saying the yellow, he didn't have this group therapy, he probably just offed himself because you know, without the medications and stuff. Come to find out he was a rear cook that never left Saudi Arabia really during Desert Storm. In my mind, I was like, God, what a fucking bitch. But I felt bad for thinking that, so I never went back to group. I was like, I can't. Just different mentality, and I was like, Yeah, I can't stay in group. I'll hurt somebody's feelings, and they're really here because they need help.

SPEAKER_03 32:58

They are so I just didn't go to group, and that's why I went and they want me to go with combat vets, combat medics, combat corpsmen. I was like, my story's not the same as theirs. I have no clue what they went through. I've never been to combat and I've never watched my brothers or sisters die in front of me. I I don't know what that's like, no clue. So I'm not going into a into a group session with these guys and saying, hey, I know what you're feeling, because I don't, and that would be an insult to them. And I'm not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

Maybe going to that and bringing this with you would be a way to help them.

SPEAKER_03 33:37

Maybe. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

Let them let them get stuff off their chest and just talk.

unknown 33:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

That's really all some of them need, just some somebody to listen, really is all most of them need because they feel like there's nobody else they can talk to. They are that's I don't I don't sit around and tell dad or mom anything about the Bill Curry, but I'll sit and talk to you, even though you haven't been to Combat, but I know you understand what it takes.

SPEAKER_03 34:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

So I've got no problem talking to you about it. So I just don't tell stories to people that haven't been there. Other than my joking stories when I come home, we all go to my friend Jim's house, you know, party there, put a little alcohol on me. I'll say anyway. The whole drill of like 60% of what I'm saying is true, 90%'s bullshit. It's up to you to figure out which is which. But it makes everybody laugh, so it makes me feel better.

SPEAKER_03 34:31

Yep. Okay, so that's all. Everybody, we're talking to William. He's my cousin. Spent 20 plus years in the army as a tank driver.

SPEAKER_00 34:45

No. No. I spent a career on tanks, but only like two years as a driver.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

There's a hierarchy of the tank.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:57

Yes. I stand corrected.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

As an armor crewman. There you go.

SPEAKER_03 35:03

There we go.

SPEAKER_02 35:04

Armored crewman, like plus years. All right.

SPEAKER_03 35:09

Thank you for listening to Fireline. If this story moved you, challenged you, or reminded you of someone you love, I hope you'll carry it forward. Every story told keeps another memory alive. Until next time, stay safe, stay steady, and take care of each other. This is Fireline.