We Thought We Had It Figured Out… We Didn’t

This week we’re talking about dad fails. You know those moments when you feel like you’ve got parenting completely under control… until everything falls apart.

We get into the confidence, the chaos, and the reality checks that come with being a dad. From thinking you nailed it to realizing you absolutely did not, this episode is all about those humbling moments that keep us grounded.

If you’ve ever been riding high as a dad and then got knocked back to reality real quick, this one’s for you. It’s honest, it’s funny, and it’s way too relatable.

We appreciate y’all listening. If you got something out of this, share it with someone who’s still figuring it out too. We’ll catch y’all next time.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome back to Still Figuring It Out. Um I'm Josh. I'm with my co-host Britt. Um we're gonna talk about um how our week was basically. How I mean, how how was you this week? Uh uh it was a pretty good week.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

Um Yeah, had softball, had a softball tournament uh today, actually, and uh you know, work as usual, all that good stuff. Uh this episode four, by the way. Yeah. So just letting them know. Uh what about you? You have a pretty good week?

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Wasn't too bad. It was long. It was a long week. Um Walf was gone most of the week. So uh that was always uh adventure all in itself. So it was um a little bit of a struggle, you know. Had its ups and its downs, you know. Um our good points are our bad points, maybe not bad, but lower points, a couple meltdowns, not just by the kids, but myself, you know.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

So it was uh thought the house looked a little messier than usual. Not that it's messy, but by my standards, it's clean, but uh, it's usually uh pretty spotless.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Yeah, well, like I said, um we got a couple pairs of shoes. Um my bag, I got I just got back from a retreat, um, a men's retreat this week. So um that's my bag still sitting there. I haven't really got to go through it and take stuff out and put where it's supposed to be, but but yeah, so um this week I think we're gonna talk about um you know some some fails, some dad fails, you know, just whether it be you know failing your kids, failing yourself, failing your wife, um just any type of fails that you, you know, you may have done or that I've clearly done in my life, you know. And I mean it ain't even gotta be with our family. I mean, it could even be, you know, work related, just just things that we've failed on that that we thought we probably should have done better on.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

Yeah, I mean, I feel like this could probably be a two or three part uh project because I could go on and on about about fails.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

No, yeah, because I mean, you know, I like I I think we've said it a few episodes ago, you know, even failing on paying a bill or something, you know, forgetting to pay a bill, and you're just like, oh my gosh. It's uh it's because you know, I don't always have everything automatically taken out of my account. I try to, but there's things that I I either haven't set up online to make to do that, or I just don't do it, you know. And you know, sometimes you might get a text and says, Hey, our power's out. I'm like, oh it shouldn't be, you know.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

Yeah, I gotta, I gotta take money out sometimes just to make sure nothing does come out of it. So I can put it where I want it to go.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

No, but yeah, so uh, you know, I was talking about dad fails and stuff. Um, and Vinity, she she went to um her work conference this this past week. So it was just Riley, um, the twins, and you know, Jersey. So we get home on Monday from school. Uh, you know, I do some football training on Monday nights, and I get home from that, you know, and I have I have baths ran. We take baths, we we get in bed, and we ate, you know, got in bed. I'm like, man, I am killing this. I don't see I don't see why it's so hard, you know. And I was like, I I picked up around the house, you know, and I was I was like, you know what, the girls got pictures tomorrow, so I'm gonna go ahead and get what they're supposed to wear. Well, it was laid out, but I noticed that Ivy decided to wear her dress the day before um just to try it on or whatever, and she got jelly on it. So I was like, well, I'll go ahead and wash her stuff as well. And I usually don't wash anybody else's stuff with mine, you know. And um, and so every once in a while I'll go to put stuff in the washer, and there will be a couple little pieces of clothing in there, like the kids just and finite will get out of the living room and just go put it in the washer. So I'll I'll usually grab it out and I'll put it in the floor or a laundry basket by the washer or something, so and put my clothes in. Well, this time I walk in there, I looked, a couple things in there, I'm like, oh, that's not too bad. I was like, I'll just go ahead and throw it all in there with mine. So I just put my clothes in there, started it, got going, you know, and I'm matter of fact, I know exactly what I did. I came in here and I was like, I'm gonna go ahead and knock out these dishes because there's not very many, but I'm gonna go ahead and try to knock them out while, you know, there's not many so it don't pile up on me. So I do that and get my clothes once they're done. I put them in the dryer, and I usually get my clothes out right out of the dryer, and I put, you know, not say I'm gonna put them up, fold them up, stuff, but but I get them out of the dryer and you know, in the room or something, but I fell asleep. And I woke up at I think it was 5.45 because you know, I had to drive to Durant. I take Jersey to daycare, then I had to drive back home, get the kids to school, and then drive to work all before eight o'clock. So, you know, I got up, you know, 5:30, 5.45 ish, and I'm like, man, I'm gonna kill this, man. I'm already up. I got up right before my alarm. So I go in there and get my open the dryer, and it looks like somebody threw a bunch of paintballs in there and they all exploded all at once. And I'm like, what in the world is all over my clothes? And remind you, these are my work clothes. Uh they're these ain't these aren't just like a couple t-shirts and a pair of shorts, but these are something you can't go buy. Yeah, and and you know, my work clothes are are nicer, you know. I I I like I like nicer clothes. So I'm like, oh my gosh. So like that was like a gut a gut punch. You know, I'm looking through there and I'm like, oh, that shirt's brand new. Oh, these pants are brand new. Oh man, I just recently got this shirt. And I mean, I'm just going through here and I just see all these colors all over them, and like they're like embedded in my clothes. And I'm like, what in the world is it? So I'm going one by one, pulling stuff out of the dryer, trying to find the source. Well, the more I dig, the more color there is. And I'm just like, what is this? Oh, by the way, I had six white shirts in there. Uh six to be exact. I remember. Um, so I finally get to the bottom of the of the dryer, and I pull out one of my daughters' little skirts. I'm pretty sure it started off yellow, but when I pulled it out, it was like a dark green. And I'm like, what is this? So I like break open the pockets because like it's just caked together. And I break open the pockets and I start trying to dig out what it is. Well, I can't tell what it is, but I finally pulled out a piece and it was a Crayola wrapper. So I start looking more and I come up with six different Crayola wrappers of different colors. Yeah. And I was just like, oh my gosh. Like, um, so it's 5 45 in the morning. And when I thought I was doing really good, I was kicking butt, you know, killing it, what I thought was killing it. Really, I was just digging my hole without me realizing how deep I dug it until that next morning. So I'm just like, I don't even know what to do. Right. I mean, like I said, all my clothes, because I waited until I literally had nothing left to wear before I did the laundry.

unknown 7:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

You know, so I I dug myself a hole for that. Like, literally, you know, didn't have anything to wear.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

So you know, mom would have uh either checked the pockets before, had them take the stuff out. So yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

And again, and again, like that's stuff that that I didn't think about, you know, and and so I just I had to use a half day because I couldn't, you know, just wear shorts and a shirt to to work, you know. So so I uh that set me behind quite a bit because I was pretty upset. Luckily, I'm just I'm just glad the uh the girls were asleep because if they would have been awake, I probably would have got onto them a lot harder than I should have. Oh yeah. You know, so luckily they were still sleeping, so that gave me a chance to kind of cool down a little bit because I was I was very upset Monday morning or Tuesday morning. And um, so I went ahead and get Jersey up, and you know, I I get him get him up surprisingly earlier than he usually gets up because usually he's not easy to get up at all. Like he fights it and he's the last one up, last one out the door. So I get him up, we get dressed, and I, you know, I tell Riley, hey, I'll be back. I'm gonna have to go get them something to wear. So um that's what it was. Yeah, so Jersey was up. I got him, I got him some breakfast. So I had to run to Walmart because again, pictures were Tuesday. Well, guess what? Their their dresses were in the dryer, so they were ruined. Right. So I ran to Walmart and I found something that they had, you know. I call Infinity because obviously I had to get her approval on what they was gonna wear because I if I'd pick something totally different and she said no. Yeah. Well, well, I mean, I'd have I would have got a dress, but I was something that I thought would have looked cute. But I'm and like I said, I I FaceTime her and you know, it's six in the morning, and she was like, What? And I'm like, I'm like, hey, something happened. I'm at Walmart, I gotta find dresses. Does this work? She's like, no. Okay. So I hang it back up. I keep looking. I'm like, what about this? She's like, that that works. I love you, but hung up the phone. So I get that. I head home. Head home. You know, I put them on the couch. Luckily, Riley's, you know, to a point where she can help with those with the girls, you know. I mean, she can get them ready. She does their hair because obviously she's gonna do their hair better than me. So I'm like, hey, while you're doing that, I'm taking Jersey to Durant. So I hop in, I hop in the vehicle and I take off to Durant, and we get to Durant, drop them off, come back. They're walking out the door whenever I get back. And I was like, oh, well, good, they're they're ready. I was like, but now what about me? You know, so I get home and we can't wear jeans until Friday. You know, we can wear jeans on Fridays. Oh, yeah. And well, guess what? I had to wear jeans because I didn't have anything else. So I I put some jeans on, put my boots on. Um, I find a shirt that was, you know, two sizes too big, but it was in my closet. That's what I had. So I I put it on, and I get to the office probably about 9, 45, 10 o'clock. And I walk in, I said, listen. And uh I was like, Did you see, did you see that I put my half day in? He was like, No, I hadn't checked it yet. And I told him the story, and he just thought it was hilarious. And I'm just like, uh, geez. But yeah, so I had to, you know, I had to wear the boots and the and the pants that day.

SPEAKER_02 11:28

But you know, it should have come in when, hey, I'm gonna take the rest of the week off, so it's Friday for me.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll probably fly. I probably need to take the rest of the week off having those kids because like I said, I've man, it was a long week, you know. Sounds like it. Work, and that was just one day. That that whole story was just one day's worth, you know, and and I mean that was a 10-minute story, but but like I said, you know, you think at times that you're doing really good, you're you know, you're killing it, you're knocking things out, then all of a sudden, bam, you get hit in in the face with a frying pan, you know, you know, or you know, it's like a gut punch, because like I said, it was all my clothes, man. So I I spent I spent the day going to Dallas and having to get work shirts because I have zero, you know. And I took a couple of those pieces of clothing that had just a little bit of stuff on them to the dry cleaners.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

We'll see what happens. I mean, I don't know if they can get it out. They said they wasn't sure, but they probably have a better chance than I do. Right. You know, I read that you could turn hot water on the sink and bake in soda and soak them in hot water. So I'm I did that for a whole day. You know, there was one thing where you could get a wet rag and like iron it, and maybe it'll pull it out, and then you can scrape it off and then wash it. I tried that, didn't work. So, so like I said, you know, sometimes you think you're doing great, and then there's those, you know, those fails, and in that process, I forget to take the picture order to the school on that day. Well, they don't if they don't have the picture order that day, they don't take pictures because there's spring pictures. So I I went and got those dresses, got them ready. Well, I I say got them ready. Riley got them ready, and they didn't get to take pictures because they didn't have the form. Oh man. So then I have to call my wife and tell her, hey, I messed up there too because I didn't give them the picture form. And if they didn't have the form that day, then I would take pictures. So, you know, not only did I mess up my clothes, I messed up their pictures. You know, so I took away that that memory of pre-K, you know, from my wife because I forgot the picture order.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

Yeah. Well, at least you'll still have the memory of the crayons and the draft. I'll have that.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

I'll I will have that. I still kept a couple of those t-shirts because I mean, those t-shirts went from being wearable to work or undershirts to yard work shirts.

SPEAKER_02 13:58

You know, so the real question w when when uh you asked or told Infinity uh is she giving you the blame or the kids or like a 60-40 situation?

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Well, you know, I did exactly what probably ninety-nine point nine percent of men will do and deflect the blame onto her. Yeah. You know, I was like, you put those clothes in the dryer or the washer, you know. I just I just threw the stuff in the washer and washed it with it. I didn't know you didn't change the pockets. You know, I I did that. When when in all honesty, I shouldn't have done that. I mean, but I I did. You know, and um, you know, I didn't obviously I didn't mean it. I mean, I could have easily done what I usually do, pulled them out, put them on the floor or in a laundry basket close by, whatever, and and done my clothes. But like I said, I felt like I was in a hurry because I was I had good momentum, I was full steam ahead, I was knocking stuff out. Like I said, man, I did the dishes, I did, I got them in baths, I got them ready for bed, I got their clothes laid out for the next day. Like, well, I had their clothes in the in the washer and dryer because I was going to wash them, but I knew where they were. I had Jersey's clothes laid out on the couch because we had to leave early. So I was like I said, I was I thought I was doing really good. In all honesty, trying to go and go and hurry up. I I missed a key part that knocked every like a domino effect, you know. So like I said, it was just one of those things that that happens and is behind us now. That's good. That's good. That's that's always a plus.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

But no, I d I don't have a have a good a good example, especially just in this last week, like that. Um when you were a kid, did you ever uh go to the arcade?

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

You know that uh that whack-a-mole game. Sometimes I feel like being a dad is like that, but like with the whack-a-mole, I think you usually have like maybe 12 or 16 of those moles you gotta whack. Sometimes I feel like if you could picture a big one that would had like a hundred moles, you know, and you just gotta just got them all over the place. Yeah, but see what I'll do is I'll run over here, and I know I'm gonna just abuse this analogy, but I run over here to these few moles on the left side, you know, and I'll whack those and I'll keep them down, and I'm not even gonna bother sometimes with with the whole thing. And it's like they're coming up more and more every time you ignore them. Right, yeah. But I'm just gonna stay on these. I'm just gonna work on this, you know. It might be it might be money or it might be um, you know, it might be spending time with my family. It might, but uh I'm bad about just picking one thing and staying with it. You know, usually it is gonna be money and trying to make money and think I'm doing good. Well, maybe actually I do have a good example. Uh it'd be from today. Um, so Gabby had a softball tournament, and um so she's playing second base. There's two outs, there's a runner on third. So they hit a little dribbler to her, and it's it's coming slow, she's not coming and getting it. So by the time she actually fields it, the runner on third's about to score, the batter's about to be at first, and she finally gets it, and she pops up and she just slings it over to the third baseman. And I'm like, what are we even doing here? Yeah, and it's you know, it's at least for me, when I see a fail like that, it's like my first thought is man, I'm not I'm not doing what I need to be doing. I'm definitely not spending enough time with her on softball because Well, it don't help, but you're a former college player, and and so you know rub it in a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 17:40

No, you're right though. That's true.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Um but uh but yeah, that's so you you feel like you failed by not teaching her those things, you know. Right. But really, I mean, it's that's just her being a kid, and you know, what we talked about last week or the week before was you know, they have to learn, you know. And I I mean that's a learning example. I mean, you know, we were taught from a young age to think about what you're gonna do with the ball before you ever get the ball. But at some point in our life, we didn't know that rule and we got the ball and didn't know what to do with it, you know.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

So Or you're so worried about when it is hit to me, what what am I gonna do? Right, yeah. You're definitely not gonna be thinking ahead. You're like, and I just hope I don't let it go through my legs or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Yeah. Well, you know, and it's funny because you know, when I played first base or like if I'm let's say I'm gonna use the first first base scenario, you know, being a lefty, I always thought if I had to backhand it, I'm touching my bag first. You know, no matter what where anybody is on the field, if there's a guy on third, a guy on second, or whatever it may be, if the ball's hit to me and I've got to backhand it, I'm going to touch my back first because I'm going towards the bag. That's a good way of looking at it. You know what I mean? And that's that's just what I was I was taught, you know. And it's funny because I don't remember who I learned that from, but I was I was at a baseball camp in U at UTSA in San Antonio, and it was like sixth, seventh grade. Um, but that was that was what that first baseman told me. And I never thought about that because before then I was like, well, I'm gonna thank, am I gonna look back that runner first? Am I gonna do this? What am I gonna do that? But he always just told me where I play on the field, if I have to backhand the bag's right there. Touch the bag because that's gonna be your first quickest out. So, but if it's if it's you know glove side, I'm going away from the bag, or I'm sliding over away further away from the bag. So that's when I gotta decide am I gonna go to third, if there's a guy on third, or look back at the runner and watch him, or if if he's already going home and it's you know, depending on depending on the scenario, sure. But that's stuff that we talk about in our heads constantly. But before I was ever I was ever taught that, I didn't know that. Right. So when I did get that ball hit to me on that backhand, I'm thinking something totally different. Like, yes, the bag's one foot away, and all I gotta do is step on it, but in my head, I see that third baseman going, so I'm thinking, Oh God, I gotta throw the ball. Right. You know, so I mean that's just a learning point.

SPEAKER_02 20:19

And that's a good, yeah, but that's good though. I mean, that's that's how I feel. I I feel like I'm trying to teach my daughter what you're talking about with the backhand. Right. But we're still not even at the point of of knowing how to feel the ground ball. Knowing to attack the ball. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

You know, you said it was going slow and she waited on instead of going towards the ball. But those those are little things.

SPEAKER_02 20:43

Those one step at a time. I'm trying to jump to step 10.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Yeah. Yeah. But let me ask you, did you holler at her or or was you just like, ah, you know?

SPEAKER_02 20:53

Yeah, more of the latter there. Um I'm not I'm not big into hollering from the stands. Thank God, not that bad. No, I you know, I'll and then really, you know, one thing I've really learned with having a daughter is I don't even like to say, hey, you played real well, but you know, what about this throw? I have to come at it like, hey, you played real well. Let me also show you, you know, yeah, maybe you should have done this or that, and try to make it try to not ever throw any kind of a negative in there because uh boy, she'll she'll shut down on me real quick when I'm when she feels like she's being criticized.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

Oh, for sure. That's that's Riley. Riley's, you know, I can, you know, look at Riley without a smile and and she'll, you know, she'll think I'm mad at her or something. Right. But um, you know, and like like so I mean that's one of those situations where it could be a teachable moment, you know. But uh what about you know, thinking about dad fails or just failing in general, maybe forgetting something you may have promised your kid that. You ever ever done that?

SPEAKER_02 22:01

Yeah. Oh yeah. And uh my daughter's the I mean, when it comes to her memory, she may not remember a lot of things, but if I told her, hey, on Saturday we're gonna go to the park, and this could be Sunday, you know, be a whole week. Saturday comes around, she's gonna remind me if we you know if we're not going to the park. Uh-huh. So that's that's one thing I've really had to had to learn is you know, being bad about, you know, yeah, we'll go do this, we'll go do that, and then that time comes, it's like, man, I don't really want to go to the park today, but you know, having to uh commit to something you already promised to, which, you know, should be doing that anyways.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

Yeah, well, you know, that that was kind of like me today. I mean, I told the kids we was gonna go to Chuck E. Cheese. You know, I was like, yeah, we're gonna go to Chuck E. Cheese today, we're gonna go to Chuck E. Cheese today. I gotta go do a couple things, but after that, we're gonna go to Chuck E. Cheese. You know, so um we did those couple things because we had to go to Dallas, and you know like I said, I had to get my church and stuff like that. And then we went and ate, and then by the time we got done eating, these storms start rolling in, all these tornado watches and everything else. And Infinity was like, Hey, y'all need to come home. Like, we need y'all don't need to be out, you need to come home. So then I have to tell the kids, well, sorry guys, I know I promised, I know I said we're going to Chuck E. Cheese, but we're not going today, you know. So that that sucks.

SPEAKER_02 23:32

Yeah, you know. That's that's probably a little different where you know that's something that was out of your hands, but but it's still it doesn't really, you know.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

They I mean, again, mine are mine are three and four. I mean, what is yours? Nine? Uh she said seven. Oh, seven. So, like, so even at seven years old, they're still they're still not putting that together right now, you know. So dad said we're gonna go do this, and now dad's saying, nah, we're not doing that. You know, it's it's hard because they don't they don't think about storms. And plus, if it's a storm, who do they go to? They go to their dad because it's gonna they're gonna protect them. You know, so they're like, okay, even if it's a storm, I mean, I'm with you, like I'm good. You know, they don't they don't understand the big picture with uh you know a tornado dropping out of the sky and stuff like that. They don't see that. They just think, oh, well, when it lightnings and stuff thunders, I go get in daddy's bed and I sleep with my dad and I can sleep because I'm I'm safe. You know, so when I say, Oh yeah, we gotta leave because of the storm, they're like, No, we don't. Like, we're with you, we're good, you know. So so that was that was difficult. So Jersey cried half the way home until he fell asleep because we passed two Chuck E. Cheeses on the way home, and he seen happened to see both of them. So you're just like, sorry, bud, we can't go, you know. And that was like I said, that that was hard, you know.

SPEAKER_02 24:57

So Yeah, that that would probably be a better time to to throw that one on mom than the you know than the crayons in the dryer.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

No, yeah. Mom said, not me. And and like I said, I I probably I I do deflect, man. I'm I'm terrible about I don't want to say taking the blame, but like when it's my fault, I'm like, oh okay, like let's move on, you know. I don't wanna I don't wanna stay on it, or I don't wanna talk about it, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 25:27

Oh, yeah, you know, in the same way. Or or you know, trying to fix it, you know, and yeah, and and my wife catches on to that real quick, and it's like, yeah, you're right. There's no fixing it. Let's let's go back and figure out where I messed up and make sure it doesn't happen again.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

You know, and and we're talking about, you know, failing as a dad or failing as a husband or whatever it may be, but you know, something that I think gets overlooked is not being present, you know, even when you are around. And that's a huge fail. Man, and I'm so bad about it, you know. Like when I get home from work, I, you know, I do other things. I mean, I have I have a travel business, you know, so I I have to do that sometimes, and my kids are home, and then oh, basketball's on, so I watch basketball. So like I've got to be more intentional being present when I am home, you know, because if you're not careful with it, you could, you mean, you could be further away even though you're home than you are when you aren't home. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

I'm bad about that too.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

I mean, I mean, like, doom scroll, you know, on the phone.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

Yeah. Oh yeah. I I I do that too, man. That's uh that's probably one of the things I'm I struggle with the most, you know, especially if it's you know been a long 12, 16 hour day. It's like, oh, I'm done. I just want to eat and relax. You know, this was my hour, hour and a half of family time.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

I didn't uh didn't use that very yeah, and I and I do that more times than not. Yeah, same. You know, I really do like Jersey will say, Hey, you want to come to my room and play? And I'm like, Well, in a minute, bud, you know, in a minute, I gotta do this first. I don't have to do that right now. Right. Why can't I do that when he goes to sleep? You know what I mean? Like that's right.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

In theory, you try to do that. But you know, you say not right now, and then you look up and it's their bedtime. It's like, yeah, well, yeah, and with that one.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

And that's what that's what stinks the most. I mean, we get out of the house at 7:30, and they get home at, you know, whatever time, or we get home at 4:30, 5 o'clock, 6 o'clock, and by that time, two hours later, it's time for bed. But during that 6 o'clock to 8 30, you know, we've got to, we've got to cook dinner, we've got to get stuff washed or cleaned, and we've got to get in um in our bath, we've got to, you know, there's so many things we've got to do in that short time, and and I've got to be more intentional about that time. Right. Yeah, me too. If I wanna, if I wanna scroll on social media or if I want to watch basketball, I need to do that after they're in bed. And and you know, I say that and I know that, but I still don't do it.

SPEAKER_02 28:26

You know, I I don't, I mean Yeah, I I'm the same way. It's just like when I get home, you know, I've been thinking about it the however long I've been driving, it's like I just want to use this, you know, at least 20, 30 minutes to, or even an hour, you know, I'll let it spread out into an hour or two to just shut down for a second.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

And that's and that's the problem, is is that hour turns into two hours. And then that two hours turns into two hours, thirty minutes when they're in bed. You know, so like I I don't I don't know. I don't and I don't know how to fix it. I mean, I'm not gonna sit here and I'm a I'm a therapist or a coach, how I can tell you how to fix it. Because I think I think we do all have that problem. I mean, as men, like we need our downtime. I mean, because men got a lot of things going on, you know, they may not tell you or or you can see it on the surface, but there's a lot of emotion going on. There's a lot of stress. I mean, a lot of everything, a lot of thinking just that that's going on throughout the day.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

You know, one one thing I've I've done that that's helped me is I've I've just had Danetta tell me, like, you know, if you see me doing that, you know, say something or you know, something to let me know.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

You ever get you ever get offended when she tells you? You're like, I'm not doing that so much.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

I d I did and until you know she she mentioned it, you know, maybe 15, 20 times. Yeah. No, yeah. And then I was like, okay, well, let's try this. Where you know, you tell me, and I won't I won't get offended because I told you to say that. Uh and that's helped.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

Yeah. So you know, and it because it's it is hard, man, because you know, our kids look at us like we are everything. Right. You know, they, I mean, they probably seriously, the whole term of, you know, you hung the moon, your kids seriously think you hung the moon, you know, and when you let those kids down or you do something that is disappointing, you know, because you might not think it's disappointing at the time, but when you look step back and look at the big picture that you let them down, I mean, it sucks. You know, it's hard. Yeah. Yeah, that's so it stings. I mean, my son's all the time telling me, you know, oh, dad, you're strong, you know, or oh, you're big and strong, you know, and you're just like, man, like I'm I'm not that strong. Right. But to him, I'm so strong because I can pick up two chairs instead of sliding the chair across the floor. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:03

You know, so it's just like, um, and part of part of it's yeah, letting them down, that's probably the big part, but also, you know, you know there's gonna come a time when when your kids realize you're not Superman.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

Right.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

I just don't want it to be today. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:22

That's no, that's and that that's that's a really good way of looking at it. I mean, because I enjoy it, you know. Like just last night, I was on I was on FaceTime with Jersey at uh Falls Creek at that at men's retreat, and uh, and you know, he he's so funny because he has his little paintball mask on that he walks around. And uh he was like, I love this guy, you know, and that's what he says, I love this guy. And and uh the guy that was right in front of me online, he goes, That may have been the cutest thing I've ever heard. And I was like, No, he's a precious kid, you know. And and but I know someday he's not gonna say that. He'll say, I love you, dad, or something like that, but he's not gonna say it how he says it now, you know, when he thinks that you are the man, you know. So, and and that's that going back to trying to you know embrace that time and enjoy that time and really soak it in because it goes by before you know it, you know. Yeah, but um, you know, and we're talking about failing and and stuff like that. Um how often when you do fail, do you apologize and mean it? Or do you just apologize and just you know, just to move on from this the topic?

SPEAKER_02 32:41

That's a tough one. That's a tough one to answer just because you know, if I think I failed three or four times, I really probably failed twenty. Yeah. So, you know, maybe that one out of that twenty, even though I think it's a lot less, even though I think I I failed a lot less than I did.

SPEAKER_03 33:01

Right.

SPEAKER_02 33:02

Um yeah, very seldom for me do I do I go that route as far as apologizing or even like I said, recognizing that that it was a fail. Typically my wife will catch probably 18 of the 20, though, and she'll let me know.

SPEAKER_01 33:17

Yeah, no. That's now that's that's the truth. I'm I'm pretty sure uh my wife would probably be the best outfielder in the world for how much she catches stuff. You know, cuz because uh she can she can catch a mess up for sure. And and you know, nine times out of ten, or maybe nine and a half, she's she's usually right, you know. So and that's and that's something, you know, that I try to tell Riley, or I used to tell Riley a lot, you know, because I'll or and now, you know, the kit the little ones, because they'll just go up and hit one of one of the other kids, then all of a sudden you hear crying, and then all of a sudden you hear, I sorry, I'm sorry, I sorry, I sorry. And I'm like, You're not sorry because you did it five minutes ago, too. You know? And I'm just I mean, and then my favorite one is uh Indy or Ivy will hit one of the other, and then you'll hear crying, and they know they've already got in trouble for it. And you hear, hit me back, hit me back, hit me back.

SPEAKER_00 34:27

And I'm like, no, like that's why you hit her. Like, I mean, was we just bounced back and forth, you know. You gotta give them some credit there, though. Like, hit me back, hit me back. And I'm just like, do not hit her back. Pretty clever, pretty clever thinking. Yeah, because I mean, you know, the the whole sorry thing, and that's something that I don't say enough, you know, because I'm pretty hard-headed.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

Yeah. I'm hard-headed, man. And it's it's my way or the highway, you know, but it can't it can't it can't be it can't be my way or the highway all the time, you know. Right. I've got to I gotta give a little, you know. Right. And that's that's something I really gotta work on because like I said, I'm you know, I'm oh I'm the boss, you know.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

Yeah, no, I'm I'm the same way, man. It's uh it's definitely a struggle, especially, you know, I don't know how hard headed your wife is, but mine is is hard headed too, and we'll butt heads most of the time because we both think we're in charge. Yeah. And we are both in charge, but uh we both think we're the the one that's in charge sometimes, and and that leads to to a lot of conflict, and um she's a lot better about apologizing when she does make mistakes than I am. That's for sure.

SPEAKER_01 35:55

No, yeah. And and that's like, you know, that's that's infinity. I mean the kids will always be like, well, dad, dad's in charge, dad's in charge, mom's in charge, mom's in charge. I'm like, no, guys, like we are both in charge. You know, and they're like, they're like, well, I'm in charge of my room. No, no, you're not. That's that's my room. That's mom's room. We just let you use that room, you know, like like we're not you're not in charge. You're not the boss, you know, because they matter of fact, Riley made a good point the other day. I was picking them up on Tuesday or Wednesday. Yeah, I was picking them up on Wednesday, and uh I had I had a work conference, you know, Wednesday, and then um we we had about an hour and a half break, and I came home to change, and and uh mama hadn't got home yet from her conference. She was coming in as I was going out. Well, um, I go and I'm like, okay, guys, I was like, I need y'all to stay here because they was getting upset that I had to leave. And I was like, I just came to change and I gotta go back. And I said, uh, listen, I said, I need y'all to watch Riley and be in charge. You know, like I need y'all to watch her. That way they could be a little calmer. But I was like, Dad, you shouldn't say that because they will really think they're in charge and they won't have to listen to me. And I was like, you know what? That's actually a pretty good point. Like, okay, scratch that. Y'all aren't in charge. Riley's Riley's in charge, you know.

SPEAKER_02 37:30

So well, what what made you do that? Like, why why'd you think that was a good idea?

SPEAKER_00 37:35

Well, because I thought I've you know, I I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 37:42

Sounds like Riley's got the only logical thing.

SPEAKER_01 37:44

But well, and and I think the reason why was because I I said it. I said it, and thinking, okay, well, they're going to be okay with staying while I leave. Take their mind off of it. Yeah. I see what you're saying. That makes sense. So uh that's that's what I did, and I was like, well, that, you know, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

Yeah. I guess you could have told Riley just to let them be in charge, see what happens.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

Yeah, but I and you know, like I said, I I think it worked out because I don't think they were home but five or ten minutes before Infinity got home. So But yeah, I mean, you know, just those ways of of trying to be perfect and um do the right thing and in and failing. Like failing's gonna happen. You know, yeah, you're not gonna be perfect at it. Yeah. At anything, really. And you know, I think I think we talked about being present and stuff like that, and and being here. I mean, kids don't need a perfect dad. You know, they just need a present dad. They need a dad that's there, they need a dad that's gonna be a leader. It's gonna show, you know, it's they're it's gonna show their daughters how how a man should be in the household. It's gonna show their son how to grow up and be a man. You know, they don't need to see somebody that's lazy and doesn't want to do anything and and you know, all those things that sometimes I even catch myself doing. Sure. You know, and you know, we can use the all well, we're only human, but you can only use that that excuse so many times, you know, as a deflection. But like I said, I think that's something that we need to take away from for this next upcoming week is is try to be present, you know, just do something extra for your kids or your wife, or you know, put your phone down or turn the TV off, play a board game, um, go outside and play with your kids. Whether it be you just sitting in a chair watching them jump on a trampoline or or go outside if your kids are big enough to play catch with the ball, you know, go go play ball with them for a little bit. I mean, or you know, something that I I used to do for Steven would, I mean, when he would shoot a basketball, I would just rebound. Just rebound and give him the ball back. You know, just spend that time with them, you know.

SPEAKER_02 40:25

And I mean, in the end, it's way more fun doing that than sitting on your phone watching TV or whatever the case. No, that that's exactly what just it's really just getting up off the couch and doing it. And then once you're there, it's easy.

SPEAKER_01 40:39

No, and and and like I said, I mean, because yeah, once you sit down, you're gonna be there. Right. Because you are tired.

SPEAKER_02 40:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:47

You know, I mean, we dads get tired. I mean, everybody gets tired, you know, because you're probably the first one up at your house and probably the last one to bed. Yeah. You know, and that's that's how that's how most households are with their guys. Right. I mean, yes, your wife may get up a couple minutes before you, but nine times out of ten, they're probably in bed before you. You know, so I just think this week we need to try to be be more involved, be there for your kid, be a present dad, um, be a leader, you know. Yeah, I like that. That's a good challenge for the week. Yeah. So, well, with that being said, um, I think this was a a good and fun episode, even though I took half of it up telling a story, but hey, that's all right. That's what I expect you to do. So well, well, guys, I appreciate y'all tuning in um for this week um of still figuring it out. Um, I'm Josh, and this is Brit, and we'll catch y'all next time.