Still Figuring It Out Podcast
We don’t have it all figured out… and that’s the point. Josh and Britt talk real life, real struggles, and real wins when it comes to marriage, parenting, and everything in between.
Still Figuring It Out Podcast
Dear Moms. We Know We Need To Communicate Better
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In this Mother’s Day episode of Still Figuring It Out, Josh and Britt have an honest conversation about one of the biggest struggles in marriage : communication. From forgetting Walmart runs and tuning out conversations, to pride, shutting down during arguments, and trying to balance busy family life, they open up about the real issues many husbands face but rarely talk about.
This episode is not about having all the answers. It is about recognizing the problem, trying to grow, and figuring it out one day at a time. If you’ve ever felt misunderstood, defensive, distracted, or just bad at communicating with your spouse, this conversation will probably hit home.
The guys also discuss:
• Why small issues become big fights
• How pride affects communication
• Feeling unheard and unappreciated
• Scheduling intentional time together
• Communication struggles with money, parenting, and daily life
• Why silence never really solves anything
• Practical things they are trying to improve
As always, Josh and Britt are not experts. They are just two husbands trying to learn, grow, and do better.
We appreciate y’all listening. If you got something out of this, share it with someone who’s still figuring it out too. We’ll catch y’all next time.
Welcome back to Still Figured It Out. I'm Josh with my co-host Britt. This is episode six. So, you know, we're just still trying to figure it out one day at a time. Um, with all the failures and all the lows and the highs. You know, we're just moving along. So today, you know, I want to talk about communication. You know, communication with our wives. You know, how is communication with you, like with your with your wife?
SPEAKER_02I feel like my wife does a pretty good job of it. I don't I don't feel like that's probably what you're asking. You're probably asking more about my communication with her. It's improved. Yeah. It's still improving. It's pretty rough though. You know, I don't know about you, but I spent a good chunk of my 20s single, you know, mostly single before that. And so, you know, at that point, it's pretty much I'm gonna go do what I want when I want, and I don't really have anybody to have to answer to. And then, you know, you get in a relationship, girlfriend, wife, whatever, and and that pretty well goes out the door.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, you know, it's it's funny because uh this podcast will come out on Mother's Day. Oh, really? Okay, yeah. So this podcast will come out on Mother's Day, and here we are talking about uh probably the most important thing to all women communication. Oh, all women are like that. Yeah, okay. So that was just my wife. Yeah, no, yeah. How many arguments could have been avoided if we would have just communicated better? Yeah. I mine would be probably at least 85.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so I'm in the same in the same range. And you know, probably have an argument over that two, three times a week.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you know, that that you're exactly right, man. And it could be something as small as stopping to get something at Walmart. Yeah. Just I mean, just anything, you know. Why do you why do you think we don't communicate well as men?
SPEAKER_02I don't know. That's a good question. For for me, a lot of times, I I just I don't know. I feel like with a text message or a call, it just you do those little 30-second calls or whatever. I it sometimes it just seems like a waste of time. It's like, look, I'm just gonna run to Walmart and grab this, no big deal, come home, save myself the 30 seconds from having her the hassle of having to pick up the phone if she's busy or whatever. Yeah. And so get home, and then yeah, I really wish I'd taken that 30 seconds.
SPEAKER_01Man, you know, mine is multitasking. You know, there are so many times, and you know, I suck at multitasking, I guess. Now that I've now I'm thinking about it, I I suck at it. You know, because nine times out of ten, my wife and I'll be talking about something and I'll be doing something else. And in that conversation of us talking, was when she will say something, communicating that I don't hear, or I just choose to not listen to. I don't know if it's a pride thing, I don't know if it's not wanting to start a fight. I I don't know, because I'm sure there are some times she says something that I'm like, I would, I mean, if I was listening, I would be like, no. You know, like that's not how it's gonna be, you know.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01But if if I were to listen, I may be able to say something like no, and we can go around it. It might not have even started a fight. But with me not listening, and then going on two or three days later, and that happens, and I'm like, well, nobody told me. That's when the fight starts because she did tell me. Yeah. Or we did talk about it. I just again were was doing something else and wasn't listening, you know. So I don't know, man. This was, I mean, this topic is a little, I don't want to say sensitive, but it's hard because I'm sure you think you do a good job at the time of communicating until that time comes and you're like, man, I suck at this. Not really. I know I'm I'm I'm pretty good about it.
SPEAKER_02Pretty self-aware that I know that I'm terrible at it and and usually don't honestly uh I don't always have the intentions of getting better at it. Now I'll now she ask me, you know, do you really think you communicate? Well, yeah, I know I do. I I do a great job of it, typically, is what I tell her. You know, I won't make her think she's the problem sometimes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, and that's exactly right, you know, and and I think another problem is is even when I'm wrong and we get in that argument, I'm so prideful that I don't want to admit that I'm wrong. Right. And I'm already this far into this rabbit hole, I'm not backing up now. Right, you know, I'm just gonna bear down and just go for it. I'm just gonna keep on going, you know.
SPEAKER_02You're just gonna tell her, like, hey, that's that's not what you told me.
SPEAKER_01Right. Yeah. I mean you didn't we didn't talk about this, you know. But I think like I said, I think this one is the hardest. Not just for me, I mean, clearly you as well. So, I mean, I like to think of this as all men, you know. If if I have a problem with it, you have a problem with it. I mean, there's a good chance that there's other guys that have problems with communicating. Yeah, I'm sure. And I'm sure if if wives were to listen to this, they would be like, oh, you know, my husband does the same thing, you know. But a lot of times, you know, even when we when we do talk, I don't want to say I get tired of talking to her, you know, because I I don't get tired of talking to her, you know. I I really don't, but like I try to keep it short. Yeah, I'm the same way.
SPEAKER_02Do you ever I guess like I don't know if I want to call it a pet peeve. When whenever I'm talking with someone and uh and they and they're leading their story into something and I can already tell what it's leading into, I'll kind of lose interest because I already know where it's going. And it's kind of that multitask you said, it's like, well, I can let my mind fade off for about 10-15 seconds and then try to come back whenever I know what's gonna happen happens. Yeah. And then a lot of times the story doesn't end up going where I think it's gonna go. And then you're lost, and then you're lost.
SPEAKER_01So uh no, for sure. But but like I said, and and I don't know, you know, why, but like I said, I just I I'm kind of speechless, and that's not a good thing to be when in a podcast, you know, when when it's talking. I mean, it might be different if there's a video because I can see the dumbfound look we both have on our face.
SPEAKER_02But like but the good thing is when we we don't claim to be experts.
SPEAKER_01That that is very true, and we and it is called still figuring it out for a reason. Exactly, you know. So so what do you think?
SPEAKER_02You know, you you said it had to do with multitasking, and and that's kind of the same issue that I'll have sometimes. So I've just learned, you know, if I'm doing something important on my phone and she's talking, I'll just have her okay. Hold on, hold that thought. Let me finish this and then I'll listen. If it's not important, then I'll just put my phone down and I'll listen.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And that usually will help. Sometimes I still we could be looking eye to eye like you and I are right now, and I and I'm still out off its basically.
SPEAKER_01Right, yeah, yeah. You know, but I I do the same thing, but man, you know, sometimes I think I tell myself I'm tired and I just don't want to do nothing. I don't want, I don't mind my mind to work.
SPEAKER_02I just want to turn it off and just yeah, and I feel like I should be allowed that time. And then so that's seems to be usually the time when when my wife wants to start bringing out important deep conversations that it's like, really, we we've got to do that right now. Like I, you know, I'm tired. And of course, she's gonna say, Well, when are we gonna do it? Because you're you're either never home or you're never listening, or yeah, you know.
SPEAKER_01Well, you know, and I feel like when I'm ready to have those conversations or something she's not, and then it's vice versa. Yeah, same. You know, how do you how do you navigate to find that right time? I mean, do you write on the calendar and say, hey, we're gonna have this, these conversations at this time on this day? I mean, that, I mean, seriously, like, do you plan for it? You know what I mean? Like mine, mine would be in the morning, you know, to have these conversations and be able to talk and just be able to get stuff sorted out. I feel like hers would be in the afternoon when I'm ready to check out and turn it off. You know, like so how do you have these conversations where you're both engaged and both aware and I mean, and both communicating on the same level so you can make it work? Yeah, that that is tough.
SPEAKER_02Uh, one thing that we do is once we put our daughter down to bed, which is supposed to be around 8:30, we try to have an hour together from 9 to 10. But it's it's not TV, we're not on our phones, it's just together, whether we're going over finances or whatever the case, any, you know, scheduling, things like that, and just trying to be on the same page as far as all that goes. I'm kind of with you. I'd probably rather do that in the morning. But, you know, I think being able to come together with your wife and figure out a time that kind of works for both of you. Yeah, women aren't usually awake, really wide awake till probably close to noon, or at least my wife, you know, maybe maybe 10, 10, 11 in the morning. So that's probably not a good time for them.
SPEAKER_01Well, mine, you know, I will say my wife wakes me up.
SPEAKER_02So okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, she uh she actually wakes me up. I man, I don't know why. My phone, I'll set the alarm and all it does is vibrate. I don't know what's wrong with it. Oh, right. We've even turned the sound on. My wife could probably fix it. I mean, I think she has once before. But if my phone turns off or dies, it'll go.
SPEAKER_02My wife will end up waking me up too. Um my alarm will go off and I'll snooze it three or four times forever.
SPEAKER_01No, yeah, but but you know, like, whenever I would like to have those conversations or whatever, my wife is already going 100 miles an hour in the morning, getting herself ready, getting the kids ready, doing their hair, doing makeup on her, and you know, rounding up backpacks, and you know, just I mean, so there's no time for conversation in the morning, you know. And then when we get home, you know, I'm ready, I'm tired, I mean, I've done whatever I've got to do throughout that day, and she'll be talking and I'll be doing something else, or you know, we just don't really have that time that we have for one another to sit down and just quiet because you know, you have one daughter that goes to bed at 8:30-ish, and then y'all have that time together because it's a three-person household. Sure. Well, right now, my son is home. So we're getting a building for him to stay in, but there's not a building here yet, and he's in the house. So we have seven people in our house.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, little different.
SPEAKER_01How do you navigate that? You know, how do you find that time? I mean, there's been a couple times where Infinity and I have gone out and had dinner, just the two of us, and she brought her calendar. We looked at finances, you know. Okay, this is where, and it sounds dumb, but like, okay, we're gonna go on our trips during this time, this time, this time, and this time. You know, we so we we planned our trips, but also I think that I could do a better job of putting other things higher up on that list than just worrying about trips and when we're gonna go on them. You know, like I told you a while back, you know, I love going places. I love traveling, I love going and seeing things. But that that's important to me, so I put that towards the top of my list on the priority level. So I made sure we had that done. Right. You know, and maybe we need to, maybe we need to go out and eat once a week together, but I don't know when we can find the time to do that. Right. You know, because we're we're constantly doing things, you know, and it's just it's a mess, you know. So I don't I don't know, I don't know how to fix it. And who knows, maybe maybe in this podcast we may go a little bit, and that might give me an idea on how I could possibly fix my situation. You know, so I I just don't know how to to go about it, you know. So like how did how does that affect your relationship with your wife, you know, with the the poor communication?
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, it it affects it a lot. I mean, it seems like it's a constant battle between us, between me feeling like I'm listening enough, communicating enough, and her feeling like I'm not. It seems like it's just a constant struggle.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I'm kind of like you, I don't really know the answer to it. That hour, that hour of night usually usually can help, but there's always times during the day that things change and whatever the case may be, and you're you're trying to you're trying to communicate things that you feel are important without causing a big fight, without you know, necessarily giving her too much information. Like I said, I don't I don't care to spend too much time on the phone talking or or texting, but still trying to find that fine line between how much, you know, how much do I want to share with her.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, you know, and and for me, you know, I asked you how that affects relationship. I think it turns small issues into big ones.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it really can. I mean, it does. And and for her, you know, here I am, I'm speaking for my wife on this one, but probably feeling, you know, unappreciated or unheard, you know, because she's probably thinking, am I not important enough for him to step back and listen to what I'm saying or or what I'm talking about or what I'm trying to tell him or what we've got going on? Like, am I that far back on the list of what's going on in his mind to to put me up top? You know what I mean? So, like, so here I am making small issues into big ones and making her feel unappreciated. You know, I'm just digging my grave, man. You know, like I should, I should really be trying to do better. And and you know, like I think at times I am doing better, and then I just jump off the cliff. Right.
SPEAKER_02You know, so you know, and with my wife, it's like sometimes I feel like I really have to dig to get how she's really feeling because you know, it might be a big subject, it might be something that's important, and you know, the answer she gives me is kind of enough to where it's like, okay, this is okay. Yeah, you know, then we go off to something a little less important on and on until we get to something that's real small, and then all of a sudden she's blowing up. I'm like, why are you blowing up on me on something so small? Yeah. And then it's all these other things that it's like, you know, to me, it's like I feel like as guys were usually pretty straightforward, and it's like, you know, if she's telling me something that I don't want to hear, I'm probably just gonna tell her right there that versus with with or at least with my wife, she's gonna bottle it up until it just all explodes at once, and then we're getting four or five different fights all within one, yeah, and then it's just chaos.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, you know, and and like we talked about a while back was money situation. Like I handle all the money, I handle all the bills, I handle all the finances, you know. So, like miscommunication about money, you know, that that causes a fight. Like, I'll bring money up, and she's like, I don't even want to hear it, I don't want to talk about it because it makes me sick to think about, you know. But I'm like, this is something that I do want to talk about because I do enjoy numbers. I do enjoy, like it sounds weird, but I enjoy a good spreadsheet. You know, I I enjoy looking at numbers. I don't know why, but I do enjoy looking at numbers. I enjoy seeing, granted, most of the time it's going down, but I enjoy seeing it come up, you know. But so like that that usually causes some sort of miscommunication or some sort of argument with communication. You know, another one for her would be, you know, you know, about time and effort at home. Like she may be doing a lot, I may not be doing them very much, and so she'll tell me to do something, and of course, the communication again, I don't listen to and I mess it up, or I and I and I have full intentions of doing it, but I'll I'll forget and I'll go do something else. And she's like, Josh, I literally asked you to do this, you know. Like, why is it not done? It's something so simple. Get it done, you know, pick this up or or do this, like like it's and then at some point I'm like, hold up, I'm the man of this house. Like, you ain't gonna tell me what to do. My pride gets in the way, you know, and then it just gets bigger, and it's just I mean, it's just a constant just doing just everything that I'm not supposed to be doing, you know. Right, like, and and I don't know how to fix it, you know, and that's and that's my problem. So for this Mother's Day, maybe us talking about this communication. Happy Happy Mother's Day. Here's your present. I'm gonna try to get better, you know. Like, so so you know, like I feel like that is our biggest arguments, is the communication. Same. Definitely is ours. It isn't, it isn't the picking up after yourself, it isn't the doing the dishes, the cleaning the kitchen, doing a lot, you know, any of that. It I guarantee it if she was to walk through that front door right there and I said, Hey baby, what is the biggest thing that I do not do that you wish I would? She'd say, communicate. I I would I probably put my paycheck on it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, same 100%.
SPEAKER_01You know, and I I really believe that it aggrav I think it aggravates her more than she even lets on. And she lets on a she lets me know a lot, you know. Right. So for me to be able to say that, I I see it, I I understand it, I get it, but I don't know how to fix it. Because I can't write down everything she says, because if that was the case, I'd have a novel. You know? Like, but there's gotta be a way. Maybe there's an app. I don't know, a honeydew list.
SPEAKER_02What what part of communic where does she feel like you miss the communication? Where where does she feel like you're you're not like are you not communicating your time with her or is it like you said about picking things up?
SPEAKER_01I think I think it's it's a let's see, there's a, b, and c and d, and then e is all of the above. I think it'd be all of the above. Like I'm just I'm not good at it at all, you know, and and it's it's bad because literally, so I went to football last Monday, and she's like, on the way home, I need you to stop by Walmart and get some laundry detergent and some dish soapers, laundry detergent and something. And I drove right past Walmart, got home. She's like, Where's the detergent? I was like, I'll be right back. And I had to turn around and I had to go back to Walmart. You know, like just little stuff like that. Like, I I don't know. Man, I just I don't know. Maybe there needs to be a some kind of app developer that can make me a list and I can just check it off on my phone or something. I I don't know, man. Right. It's just it's just a hard thing of I mean, maybe I need to call this episode instead of something about communication, just call it I don't know. I don't know, man. You know what I mean? Like I don't know. So, and I don't know how to fix it because if I knew how to fix it, I would fix it. You know, so what I mean, what do you do? You know, maybe there's something like you think you're doing enough, but she doesn't think you're doing enough.
SPEAKER_02So let me ask you, she sent you that in a text message, right? Are you one of those people that has all your text messages cleared that shows zero, or do you have like a hundred unread messages?
SPEAKER_01No, I don't I don't have any unread messages.
SPEAKER_02Now I do my my messages do delete after 30 days because it helped me it helped me save so like if I if I'm looking at my phone and something pops up from her that I think's important, I won't go read it so that later on when I'm trying to clear all my messages and still have that one, pop it up, but you just gotta you gotta pop it up at the right time. So that's another thing is I don't know. I don't I don't have a good answer.
SPEAKER_01I don't know how to fix it. Like I said, I don't I'm kind of the blind leading the blind right here. Yeah, and and if if somebody that's listening to this podcast, if there's a guy that is a great communicator, please reach out and give me some tips. Yeah. I mean we might even bring you on the show. So you can talk to us the best guy ever. Yeah, so you can talk to us about how to what you do to help you communicate because like I said, I'm I mean, it's like you said, or like you said, it's the blind leading the blind on this one. I do not know.
SPEAKER_02That'd be a good question for Ron. I guarantee you Ron Ron would be good at it.
SPEAKER_01R yeah, no, yeah. Yeah, I agree. I think I think but everything Ron does, I believe is biblical. And you know, he will he'll have some sort of scripture to back it up. You know, the knowing knowing the kind of man Ron is, that that will be something. And and you know, I don't I don't know if you know, I don't know if I told you, but next month sometime Ron Ron is gonna be on the show to kind of talk to us. So that'll that'll be that'll be nice because I think he has a lot of wisdom that that I pray for, you know. I think he's he's already received it. So but what what are some things that actually does maybe help you out with communication, you know?
SPEAKER_02Well, like I said, that that that hour and a night, um we don't do it every single night. We we try to. We're we're usually pretty good at it. I think that's been the biggest key. Like I said, put my phone down when she's talking and and really really listening to her. That's really those two things, and they're not just they're not like the be all end all of it, but uh that's really all I've got that that actually helps. Uh I don't have a whole lot of insight on this one because I'm like I said, I'm the world's worst at communicating it.
SPEAKER_01No, there's me. So you're you could be at least second world's worst, because I can guarantee you I'm I'm bad, I'm I'm worse at it. But you know, like I think one thing that does help me is if I'm saying something or if I'm thinking something and I have it on my mind to say it. You know, I I mean Yeah, that would help. Because there's a lot of times that I may think something and I don't say it, and then I forget about it, and then it gets and it happens again, and then I get mad, you know, and I'm like, I know I told you that, but I might not have because I didn't say it when it's when I should have said it, and then it happens again a month later, and then in my mind I'm like, oh, we talked about that because I remember last time I I got mad about this, but did I really say it, or did I not say nothing and then move on and forgot about it, you know? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So and and that's you know it that whole trying to win thing or trying to make them lose. Yeah, you know, and if I feel like I've won and I've kind of got her backed in a corner, I'm real bad about being passive aggressive, you know. And then and then that's when you you're just looking for a fight at that point.
SPEAKER_01Letting her know you won. Right. Yeah, that's and because let me tell you, I don't know, I don't know how your wife is, but my wife, my wife, she's a fighter. You know, if I get her in a corner, she's gonna get herself out of it, you know. So she's gonna come out swinging. So uh I just I I've gotta take my wins gracefully, I guess. Because they don't they don't have it very often. Right. But when they do happen, I want her to know that I that it happened, you know. So it's it's just hard, man, you know, because I know I'm not always right. I mean, I mean, actually, I know I'm hardly ever right, I should say, you know. And and you know, I I also know that I don't communicate as well as I as I should, or sometimes I don't communicate as well as I think I do. You know, that's that's another one for me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And I mean, do you feel like when you start getting interrogated about your communication, what what's your what's your type of response? For me, it's more like shutting down. Yeah, no. I'm just I'm not listening. Whatever. Whatever. You same way.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, whatever. Like, I'm not gonna argue with you because it's stupid. You know, I start deflecting or you know, something like that. Like, I don't I don't take it well. Right now, I I don't take it well. I might be a baby and I don't want to talk about it or Yeah, I'm the same way.
SPEAKER_02Uh, because you usually when she does want to talk about those things, it's it's right I'm either asleep or right before bedtime, and it's just like, man, you know, I've had the whole day and and you're wanting to talk about this now, and and you know, drag out three or four different things that I didn't communicate or or whatever the case may be. I don't know. Uh there's probably not a better time to do it. Right. That's probably the best time for her to talk about it, but that that aggravates me as well.
SPEAKER_01You know, and I think I think the biggest thing, one thing that I've learned about communication is silence doesn't solve anything.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It doesn't solve anything, man. It could be just like a Coke bottle, man. You bottle it up, shake it up, and at some point it's gonna explode. And when you're silent, that's what happens. It at some point explodes and it comes off either wrong or harsh or negative or angry, you know. But if you would have clipped in the butt a month ago, it could have been a simple conversation. Right. You know, it could have been an easy conversation, but during that time, you you gotta stay level-headed. And sometimes I don't. You know, again, I get in defense mode and I get upset. Sure. You know, you hurt my feelings. Right. You know, quit acting like a five-year-old little boy, like man up, and it's okay. You know, you'll be okay. You know, because at the end of the day, they they they love us, you know, they're saying it out of love. You know, they're not saying it to be to be negative and hurt your feelings or anything like that. I mean, they our wives do. I mean, I I think they love us. Typically, I my wife loves me greeting. Right. She tells me that. That's what she says. Yeah, that's what she says. But but you know, like I said, it's just uh it's hard. You know, you've you've gotta you've gotta communicate. Communication is just a huge part of it.
SPEAKER_02And it's not something that is ever just gonna happen. Like, you know, it you're gonna have to work on it, you're gonna have to learn how to learn how to do it, yeah. Learn how to do it, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01And I think that's you know, kind of like last week's episode is having those friendships, and that and I think that's an important conversation to have with your friends on on how they communicate because you never know, they might be great at communicating, you know. Their wives might not be the ones not communicate, you know. You don't know if you don't ask. No, you really don't know if you don't ask. So like I think that's the important part of of the friendship is communicating because you know you might be able to learn something from them that you're not very good at, you know. Right weakness might be my strength, and vice versa. You know, you might be weak at something that I'm not too bad at, you know. Yeah, and it can work out if you just talk about it. And but again, it goes back to communicating. Right. You know, you've you've got to communicate. So I think I think I'm gonna try to be more aware and take more initiative in communicating this next week to see if I do better at it.
SPEAKER_02You know, I'm yeah, I feel I feel like i if it's something that that you focus on, not just you but me, I th I think that can be that can be real helpful and hopefully they'll at least notice it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I know it'll be uh I mean you give me an A for effort. Right. You know, I mean because I'm I'm trying. I mean, I'm not gonna be the best at it. I'm not gonna, you know, obviously come out guns of blazing and hit every home run out of the park and and do great at it, but I'm I'm gonna try. I'm I'm gonna make it a point this week to to try to do better at communicating. Yeah. Whether it be listening to her talk or just making her aware of certain situations that I have going on. You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna try to do that. So I think this week, you know, we go about trying to communicate and and do that. So with this, we're gonna leave you with uh one question to you know to kind of think about is when was the last time you had a real conversation instead of just a reaction? Whether it be she says something and we get defensive, a situation happens and all of a sudden we snap, or just something bothers us and we just completely shut down. I think real conversations aren't easy. I mean, most of us really try to avoid them, but but that's where things actually change, you know, is when we when we do those things. We're working on it, just like everybody else. I'm Josh, this is Britt, and we're just trying to figure it out.