Small City Sessions

Extreme Would You Rathers - Episode 3

• Seth R. • Season 1 • Episode 3

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0:00 | 1:15:31

These aren't the typical would you rather questions you'd normally hear. Today, Riley has brought some extreme and diabolical would you rather questions, and with Seth and Ethan being the co-hosts, they must make their choice. 


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Small City Sessions art work made by JellyTheAlmighty

Music used:

"Cloud Surfer" by WhiteBatAudio



SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna be noticed.

SPEAKER_02

Boys and girls, guys and gals, welcome back to episode three of Small City Sessions.

SPEAKER_01

I'm here with Seth and Ethan, as always. How are y'all boys doing today? You know what? I'm not doing too bad. I'm pretty visible.

SPEAKER_00

Doing quite wonderful.

SPEAKER_01

I took a little early work or took a little I took an hour PPPO today just so I could actually fucking like get this fucking topic ready for today. So I made sure I had it good. Because I didn't want to only have like 30 minutes to like you know make sure I was actually ready for this episode. But taking notes. Yeah. The dedication. I love it. It was okay though. I kind of wanted to get off work an hour early anyway, so it worked out, but dude, it's like that had having worked at Walmart before. Yeah. I always tell myself, like, no, I need to save my PPTO. And like, I just can't help it. I'm putting in the hour.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's funny because I did also rip an hour just last night.

SPEAKER_01

That's true. I say normally I try to save it as good as I can, but I was like, fuck it, I'll I'll take an hour today, but why not?

SPEAKER_00

Ripped a whole hour just to watch SummerSlam.

SPEAKER_02

I haven't watched WWE in forever.

SPEAKER_00

Man, it's it's falling off.

SPEAKER_01

I don't think I've watched it since like fifth grade, probably.

SPEAKER_00

Jesus.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. What was that like 2013? No, not 2013.

SPEAKER_00

No, maybe 2013.

SPEAKER_01

Honestly, I don't even know. I couldn't really tell you how long ago, but I used to watch it all the time.

SPEAKER_02

I like Sundays and Mondays, but then I just kind of stopped.

SPEAKER_01

That's fair, that's fair. Alright, I guess I can get to the news here. It's a little early, but very early. Good guy, we're only two minutes in. Whoa. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know if this is necessarily like I'm gonna assume it's over the entire year, but I saw that Xbox has been down $1.7 billion.

SPEAKER_01

Really? Apparently, they've lost a lot of money. How how recent was this? Um, was this before what's her name? Asha? Was it before she came in or after? I don't know if this is like I want to say this is probably like the entire year of 2026. But I mean it's definitely getting I can't say it's probably it's gotta get getting worse, I'm assuming. I mean Xbox has gone boy downhill for a while now.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, now Sony and now Sony's going downhill.

SPEAKER_01

Oh Sony, man, that's broken my heart. Being as the PlayStation boy myself, I've grown up with that stuff. Seeing seeing them do their own shit. Breaks my heart, man. No more physical copies for some fucking reason. I don't know why. Yeah, I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_00

Well I mean I know why, because they because they fucking want more money, but next thing you know, the only way you can play games is by purchasing PlayStation Plus.

SPEAKER_01

Mm-hmm. And oh how convenient that as soon as they start pushing for digital only, that they're all all their servers shut down. And now no one can play any of their games. Yeah, it's it's it's it's like we were trying to tell them that this digital only thing kinda sucks. That's her man. I uh I I'm just so disappointed with Sony. It's like I I I hope that Sony will get their own like version of her name is Asha, isn't it? Or am I getting that wrong? I feel like I feel like I'm getting that wrong, but maybe I'm not. Honestly, I don't really know too too much. But uh I hope we I hope PlayStation gets their own version of that and they they start healing because they desperately need it. Yeah, okay. I tell you what, PlayStation, if you want to redeem yourself, then get a new CEO. And the first thing I want you to do, with the new CEO, bring back Little Big Planet. That game did not deserve to die the way it did, and it breaks my heart because I grew up on that game and I fucking love Little Big Planet. It is my it is my shit. And seeing that it went out the way it did, it it doesn't deserve that.

SPEAKER_00

Sony hit his peak at probably PlayStation 3 era.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, probably the whole era was kind of like peak for gaming, I feel like. Absolutely. Black Ops. Yeah. I feel like kind of when the Xbox One started coming out, that's kind of when Xbox started falling off, too. Conveniently before Fortnite came out. That's fair. Yeah, no, it is kind of sad how it, you know, because I've obviously Seth knows I've always played on Xbox, which I can't lie, I do kind of wish I would have gotten a PlayStation just a little bit. But you know, I got what I got. I don't mind you know, Xbox, it was it's good, but obviously it's it's definitely going downhill a lot. Like how now, now I guess now it's lowered again, but you know, you know, the game price pass going up and shit. Another increase? No, it did go back down, thankfully. It's still at 22 now, but like when that whole thing happened, like I know it pissed off a lot of people. Oh yeah, no, uh-huh. Didn't like the Xbox online servers like shut down or something? Because so many people at once were trying to cancel their subscriptions. I think so, yeah. Which is I respectable, I mean it's they added like the fucking Fortnite crew shit to it, and like some other shit, which is why they increased the price, I think. Of course, so it's Fortnite, that's stupid fucking shit. Yeah, but like I don't know, Fortnite crew is not even worth 10 bucks that it like is in the first place, so Fortnite's not worth any money. I don't even talking about the board, it's not it's that's for sure.

SPEAKER_00

But 1020 30 hits will all be PC gamers.

SPEAKER_01

I'm hoping. I don't even I I don't even want to like try to give any respect for Fortnite because I just can't believe that even though they had like at least a billion dollar in revenue, how like they're still somehow losing money, and then they had to lay off all those employees that that they had at working for Fortnite, like even the dude that made the Jonesy skin, like they got laid off, which is kind of sad because like that's an original crew member that was been there from the beginning and they just get kicked out like that. Yeah, when's the last time you actually played Fortnite? Like what chapter, do you know? Fuck if I know I didn't really give a shit to keep track of the chapters. Um I'm pretty sure the last time I played was during like season two. Season two no oh okay, no, because it's it's it's it's stupid. It's stupid because they fucking because like what it was after chapter 10, whatever the fuck. Season 10 that now like they did chapter switch, like why? Well, I I okay, I'm gonna put on my tinfoil hat here. They they want to try to show it off as new numbers, like this is a brand new thing because it's gonna be better for their marketing, but like there's no point. You like just say it's season 11, season go up to season 30. Who gives a shit? It's the same game. To be fair, it was quite different after chapter chapter one. Like I did a lot of mechanics and shit.

SPEAKER_00

I think during the entire first uh first chapter of Fortnite, I was more of a PUBG gamer. That's fair. PUBG wasn't bad, but it certainly didn't have quite the popularity as Fortnite did. I started chapter two, season two, I believe.

SPEAKER_01

Makes me think of Overwatch when they did their massive update where they changed it to Overwatch 2. And everyone, like, we're so confused because like, oh Overwatch 2, it's gonna be brand new Overwatch. No, it's the same game, it just with a massive update. Yeah, like I'm like, why would you even do that? Like, don't don't call even I don't care if it's the brand, like I don't I don't care if it's such a massive update that almost everything's changed. Like, if it's the same game, don't market it as a different game. That is fair, it basically was really game. Really got me thinking of the ship of theseus, where like, oh, if we change every little thing in this game, is it the same game? Oh man, but um I'm pretty sure last time I played was during chapter two. What which season was it? Fuck if I know, I don't remember uh either to be sure. But it was quite a while ago. Then the end one, two or three, and the only reason why I got back on was because my friends would not shut up about me wanting to play with them. Like, I was like, I really don't want to play this game, guys, but fine, I guess it's something for us to do. Uh let's say it was back when they added their racing game for some reason. Oh, the Rocket League racing shit. Was it Rocket League kind of? Yeah, because they bought Rocket League. Oh yeah. I don't know if I didn't I didn't play their Rocket League thing, but I played I played their like actual racing game.

SPEAKER_00

And then I and then I know they had Rocket Racing, or was it my was that not what it was called? Yeah, it was uh Rocket Racing. Uh same time that they added music festival, their guitar hero bullshit.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah, yeah. I I didn't even bother with their uh rock band kind of crap because I knew it was gonna be ass. Honestly, it actually was not that bad. Really? I mean, it's kind of hard, like, especially if you're playing the harder difficulties, you gotta like know where all the buttons and shit are. But see, it is very similar to Guitar Hero, so I mean it's not bad. I'd rather I'd rather just play guitar hero instead of the five. I mean, that's fair, but like if you don't got guitar hero, you can play guitar. You can actually, or maybe rock band one of the two. You can get like those those little like instrument controllers, yeah, and it makes you feel it makes you feel badass when you're doing it. You can't do that. I mean, I'm sure you could figure always do that in four years.

SPEAKER_00

Um I'll never touch Rocket League again.

SPEAKER_01

Was it that bad?

SPEAKER_00

Touch Rocket League in A. It was that bad. I did not like that game. And yes, I'm only saying that because I'm bad at it.

SPEAKER_01

I never got good at Rocket League. That's one of those games I really couldn't get good at. But to touch to wind it back to like way earlier, and I was talking about the layups and stuff. Um they definitely must have laid off like their uh like their market team or something. Because uh when they released their Lola bunny skin, everyone was making fun of them for it because it was just showing her off shooting trees. And oh yeah, I remember that. Yeah, I remember that. Like, uh like why is this how you are advertising this? This is the most lame fucking advertisement I've like we've ever seen. Just out here shooting fucking trees.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we're gonna be able to advertise new skins by showing off their shooting abilities. Listen, that's not a person, that's a that's a fucking tree. Oh man. Trying to save money when everybody plays their fucking game.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Oh, another billion dollars we made. Ah, I thought we have some more employees.

SPEAKER_02

Yep. Tom Spender the two billion on fucking all those fucking skins they had and shit.

SPEAKER_00

We're a billion dollars, but we were forcing ourselves to budget.

SPEAKER_01

Literally, in like their like website, they s they like they didn't even try to do that like CEO like cover-up. They just blatantly said we need more money to pay the bills.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Which first off, you're making a billion dollars in revenue. How? Well, actually, no, I know how because who would have thought that getting all these licenses for all these cosmetics and all these crossovers that no one asked for would cause you to start losing money. Like, cuz because they obviously they can't they can't just add in a skin of Dwayne the Rock Johnson. They got they gotta get they gotta get his like a license for that. So them and like knowing Fortnite, because they've tried to it's they've literally just tried to put everything that ever exists in their game. It's bas kind of like how Rule 34, if there's like if it exists, there's porn of it. Fortnite. If it exists, there's a skin of it. Uh it's fair. I mean, they do have like Kim Kardashian skins and shit, so oh my god. You probably didn't even know that, did you? No, I didn't. But it surprised me at all. Oh man. Do it do it have the like always in the item shop? Like, I don't think it ever goes away. Which is kind of crazy. Who's gonna buy that shit?

SPEAKER_00

Do it have the uh Sabrina Carpenter and Hatsune Miku.

SPEAKER_01

Oh yeah, I'll be honest, I bought Hatsune Miku. I bought that. I bought every I I bought everyone. Do they do they have like the jiggle physics like they do in Marvel Rivals? I wish. What do you mean? No, definitely not. It's a kid's game. Oh, that's right. You know what? You got a point there. Even though it's not really, but I mean, yeah. Oh man. It's a kid's game, they can't have boobs. It hasn't stopped Roblox, apparently. You can make these characters fucking crazy, man. You're right, it is different. Roblox is just a game where kids play, yet for some reason the CEO wants to make a dating app for it. You guys ever heard of that crap? I think you remember you telling me. We are children. Exactly. Exactly. Everyone was like, bro, what like I don't even remember the CEO's name, but we're everyone was like, what are you doing? This is like this is low-key for children. If this game is played by kids, why are you making a dating app for it? That is that's crazy. To be fair, it's not only played by kids, it's played by a lot of pedophiles too. So maybe that's why they're making the dating app.

SPEAKER_00

But for no one reason. Oh, and better yet so well that the targeted audience is people that are like maybe less than 10 years old.

SPEAKER_01

And better yet, in instead of banning the creeps that are actually committing crimes in a game, let's ban the people that actually do something about it.

SPEAKER_00

And and then when uh let's give them a big old slap on the fucking wrist.

SPEAKER_01

And and and then when they were trying to advertise that dating app, they put it as 17 plus. Even though 18 plus is the adult.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but say why would we why would we stop at 17?

SPEAKER_01

You can't just put the plus in the end and call it A-O-K. That's not how that works. Amen.

SPEAKER_00

Man, I just want to go back to all games. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I just want to go back to the old days of Call of Duty Black Ops and Little Biggie.

SPEAKER_00

Sorry, I had to throw that in there.

SPEAKER_01

Oh man. But no, yeah, it doesn't really surprise me that Xbox has lost the money. I mean, I've heard I've heard about that before. I don't know how recent it was. Because I mean, so far I've heard pretty good things about the new CEO of Rob. No, sorry, not Roblox.

SPEAKER_00

No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01

Xbox, Xbox, sorry, they both sound alike. Um, I heard good things about the new CEO of Xbox. Um it seems like at least to a degree things might be healing for them. I guess we gotta hope. I mean. Yeah. Just gotta hope that she's does something different, because obviously what they've been doing isn't fucking working. But I mean, I don't know, we'll see. Although I will say the uh the Atlas is a scam. Don't don't don't get the Atlas. The Atlas? What is that, the new console or something? Uh oh wait, no, the Ally, not the Atlas. Oh the Ally like a little handheld thing. Yeah. I completely forgot about that. Cause they because they marketed it as like a way to play um Xbox on a handheld device, and it has access to like Steam library. Well, come to find out, it only has access to the Steam library. It's an Xbox device that can't play Xbox games. It's ba it's literally just their version of a Steam Deck. So why not just save yourself a little bit of money and just get a Steam Deck? Yeah, I actually didn't know that. That's kind of retarded. A little bit.

SPEAKER_00

What the whole concept it makes zero sense.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Like their whole branding was the Xbox plus Steam. So that's like half of it, the half of the way you bought it were gone right there. Like, what the fuck? That's probably why I would have gotten it. I would have been pissed if I bought it and then saw that. I would have had to like rebuy all my games that I already had on Xbox on Steam, that would have sucked. They were tired me out today. I don't know why. I was more than that.

SPEAKER_00

I actually woke up somehow three minutes before my alarm, and I was just like, okay, we're doing this again.

SPEAKER_01

Uh I hate when that happens. That's happened to me so many times when I'd wake up like a just a few minutes before my alarm is supposed to go off. It always pisses me off when that happens.

SPEAKER_00

It's just me yelling at myself, like, what's the point of making an alarm if every time that I put an alarm, I only only end up waking up five minutes beforehand.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly. Because I I love sleep. Sleep is like a sacred thing to me. So if I'm losing out on that, I get pissed. And it's like, well, I can't go back to sleep because I gotta get up in five fucking minutes. Yes, I'll just go fuck myself.

SPEAKER_00

It's funny because like I would um I would not turn it off. So I I was just lay there for five minutes and then it would yell at me to wake up. I was like, shut the fuck up, I'm already up.

SPEAKER_01

I know I usually set like three alarms just in case like the first one doesn't wake me up. But like 99.9% of the time the first one wakes me up anyway. So I'm just like, okay, okay, I get it. I'm awake. You can shut up now. I know I'm the one that turned you on, but I'm I'm awake. Stop. I'll always sleep through my alarm. Like, I'll wake up to that bitch and then I'll just fall right back asleep every time. It don't matter. I've been that a few times too.

SPEAKER_00

There's been numerous occasions where I wake up to my alarm. Think of like how urgent I put an alarm on. Like I I gotta remember the reason to why I put on this alarm. And if it's like urgent that I get up, they'll get up. But if it's not urgent, uh make another one half an hour from now.

SPEAKER_01

The exact same way. It's like, eh. I just I'm going back. Take me take me back. I'm trying to go back. That's when it feels the best.

SPEAKER_00

Sleep pills. And I haven't taken one yet because I have a feeling that like if I have to force myself to wake up to an alarm, that's really gonna suck. I gotta find a day where I'm not gonna have to care on what time I have to get.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I don't really I don't really like taking sleeping medication because it's just such a gamble for me. Cause it'll I mean it really does help me fall asleep, but then like whenever I wake up, I just I feel so like tired and just not in reality. Yeah. And like my whole body's just aching for me to go back to sleep. I'm like, I get up. Fuck. Yeah, no. So I've been taking a lot of melatonin recently, and that's every time I wake up to go to work, I'm just dead tired after taking those things. But sometimes I need to take them, otherwise I can't fucking fall asleep. So it's like I'm cooked either way.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but say the the sleeping pills are either way you're cooked. It either doesn't work or it does. But when you wake up, you're just there there's there's no going back.

SPEAKER_01

I was work last night. It was alright. You know, wasn't anything different than normal, I guess. Although, yeah, we must have had a double truck because I went back to GM and that shit was completely fucking full.

SPEAKER_00

It is like full of shit. It was Saturday, so yep, it was went double truck. Yeah, it was fucking those days are fucked. Don't you miss those guys take that shit out? Don't remind me, Seth. Last year, the day after inventory, we were there till midnight because it was 6,000 cases.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that day that day was I was not fond of that.

SPEAKER_00

And one of the trucks had spilled paint in it, so that never made it better. There's only like three different occasions in which a truck has spilled paint in it, and it's literally the worst.

SPEAKER_01

I do not miss how they would put the pallets in the grocery truck.

SPEAKER_00

It has gotten better.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I just made it as well. No. I I'll put all my chips on red that has gotten worse, in fact. Because they literally like will have both lanes where the pallets are like sideways, and it just like you you can't even pull the pallet out of the truck anymore because it's just it's just too tightly packed together.

SPEAKER_00

They recently had to make a rule that um you're no longer allowed to manually pull out a uh pallet of water because we recently just had a stock and two associate break their foot trying to do that.

SPEAKER_01

Ooh. I mean, the other jack's pretty fun to use though, so I was happy when they finally trained me in to use it.

SPEAKER_00

And then I left Walmart, so just for you to leave.

SPEAKER_01

Uh honestly, I didn't want to leave. I mean, I was starting to get sick and tired of the job, but I didn't want to leave. It was just uh I ended up picking up another job, and it was literally during like their like the Christmas hours, so both of the schedules just completely uh interfere with each other. So I was like, well, I guess I gotta say my goodbyes.

SPEAKER_00

I don't even know why they even had stocking to work Christmas Eve. Your whole uh your whole thing is just unloading trucks. And if there's no truck to unload, then all you do is run freight. But how are you supposed to have freight when there's no truck to unload?

SPEAKER_01

Don't they usually just have a bunch left over? Ever since I've been fucking working there, they've had a shit extra all the time, so I always send those a bad trucks.

SPEAKER_00

Those those trucks every Saturday will make it way easier for there always to be something to do. It was literally like it's like it was like last year, Seth. I must say there's no seeing the back wall, you'll never see the back wall again.

SPEAKER_01

Probably not.

SPEAKER_00

I remember there would be days where I would come in as the team lead, and if I ever saw that back wall, I would start crying of pure joy.

SPEAKER_01

Oh sir. Oh yeah. I got the fuck off mug. I got it from Spencer's.

SPEAKER_00

Hell yeah, dude. This is the only place where I expected you to get it.

SPEAKER_01

Of course, dude. Oh the cool shit. I got lovely, I'm sure for sure I'll tell you that. Mm-hmm. I think I got this shirt from fucking Spencer's. Oh wait, no, I'm thinking of hot. Wait, no, I am thinking of Spencer's so I was thinking I was thinking of hot topic there from like what the fuck am I talking about? I don't know if they did get it from Spencer's.

SPEAKER_00

You are the host today. What are you talking about? That's where a lot of people get their design clothes. If it it's either from Spencer's or Hot Topic. Yeah. You ain't getting no designer shit from Walmart.

SPEAKER_01

Hell no. I'll just you know, Walmart, a place known for selling clothes.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I thought about it. That the fact that um in this town, we do have a Kohl's, but you never hear about anybody actually going there.

SPEAKER_01

I've actually shopped there a few times. Yeah. To be fair, Kohl's is expensive as fuck, though. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Back when I didn't have a car and um I would go on my lunches. There was legitimately times where I would go walk across the street and go into Kohl's just to check stuff out because I was that bored.

SPEAKER_02

I kind of forgot what time do we normally actually start the fucking like topic part?

SPEAKER_01

Is it 30? Yeah. Is it okay? I guess we can get into the topic now.

SPEAKER_00

We had a two-minute intro follow this brand news topics. We somehow made it work for 28 minutes.

SPEAKER_01

Somehow, I don't know how we did that. Somehow. Alright. I couldn't really think of any unique name, so I just named it exactly basically what it is. These are very extreme would you rathers, alright? Oh so basically, I'm gonna give you guys a would you rather, and I want you guys obviously to choose. And if I want you to try to give me a very detailed explanation on why you would rather pick this specific one over the other one. And whoever I think has the better explanation, I'm going to award the point to.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, teacher, I'll make sure I show my work on the quiz.

SPEAKER_02

Let me pick which point I want to start with, because I've wrote down a decent amount.

SPEAKER_00

Man, I'd be I'd be remembering those like days of school when they make you show your work, even though it's the most basic, like, you would get the answer right, and they would still fail you because you didn't show your work to how you got that answer.

SPEAKER_01

Well, you see, two plus two equals four, because declared by Isaac Newton in 1789, he wrote the laws of addition.

SPEAKER_00

The laws of addition.

SPEAKER_02

Alright, this first one I think is a pretty pretty good one, in my opinion. So I'm gonna start it off with this one. Ooh, what you're gonna.

SPEAKER_01

Would you rather every time you sneeze 20 angry wasps go after the nearest person with a B allergy? If none are around, you become their target. Alright, so keep that in mind. Oh every time you cough, there's a 10% chance all sex offenders become invisible for 24 hours.

SPEAKER_02

Bro, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01

It's a very good one. I really want to know what your guys' answer is here.

unknown

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01

Either way, these both suck. Ooh man, this is this is the podcast defining episode. This is what we are about, ladies and gentlemen.

SPEAKER_02

I'll let y'all think about it for a little bit if y'all need to. You guys can decide who wants to go first.

SPEAKER_00

Jesus Christ. That's how we're starting off.

SPEAKER_02

That's how we're starting off.

SPEAKER_01

Hey, I could have done probably a worse one if I really wanted to. You probably could have. I I'm I worry about your imagination now. Hey, I didn't think of all these, right? I had I had I got some ideas from other places, but uh, so which of us do you want to go first? Um, I mean, you guys have a preference. I don't really care too much. Do you want to go first, Ethan? Do you have do you have a choice in the matter? Uh I probably have a choice, yeah. I would hope you have a choice. You gotta choose one of these here, buddy. Um, I'm gonna have to go with the first one. Uh, where what was it every time you sneeze a bunch of angry wasps?

SPEAKER_00

20 angry wasps.

SPEAKER_01

Like they call 20 angry wasps, they will heat seek towards the nearest person with a bee allergy. Or if let's there's none around like close enough to that area of the bees, you become the target. See, what I would do is um I'm gonna pick that one where every time I sneeze, a bunch of angry wasps do the heat seeking. I'm gonna pick that one because I'm gonna become a supreme strategist and associate myself with people that I hate, but they have they have a B allergy. And then what when whenever they piss me off, I'll just get a handful of pepper.

SPEAKER_00

Just you're gonna have a pepper shaker next to you at all times.

SPEAKER_01

And then um, I'll just sneeze, and then I'll sit there eating a bag of chips as I'm watching them just getting attacked and probably die. Because I'll I would have also stolen their epi pen. Because fuck you. You you you took you took the last slice of pizza. How dare you? Not not around me. Hey, to be fair with also because I don't want to imagine what the other scenario is gonna look like. I I don't want to imagine that scenario at all. You gotta think about it, it's every every single sex offender to be on the sex offender list will be invisible for 24 hours, but it is only a 10% chance of that happening. That is true. But every time you cough, every time you cough, there is a 10% chance of that happening. That's I mean, to be honest, that's that's still a little bit high. It is it is a little high, but it's like every single time. So if I'm if I if I if I cough like five times consecutively, that's basically like there's probably gonna be a lot of bad things happening overnight. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna have to go with uh every time you sneeze, 20 angry wasps come after you. Um my strategy is just become a mouth breather. Um because it's I was saying otherwise, um I I don't fear many things, and wasps are definitely one thing, definitely one thing that I do fear. But looking at it from a community-based community-based line, um I've done the research, we have fifty-nine sex offenders that are registered. No, no, not in Iowa, just in this town. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, that's even worse. Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_00

That is I I've done I've done the research. Having roughly 60 people become invisible for 24 hours. That does not sound good. Um but I'm also gonna probably use the same strategy as Seth.

SPEAKER_01

You can steal my strategy. You can steal my strategy.

SPEAKER_00

Look, man, I you and I were just thinking the same thing. I'ma hold I'ma hold a black pepper grinder on me at all times. I keep that strap on me.

SPEAKER_01

Are we gonna turn into like uh like Vane from some of the DC comics? Just have like the the tubes of like pepper just strapped to us. I don't think you'd ever stop sneezing. Yeah, no, we but then it but then all those fuckers with bee allergies around me. Okay, but think of red. Think about this. What if you're having like a really bad like sneeze fit? Every time you sneeze, you spawn 20 wasps. What if there's no bees around, like no people that have bee allergies around you? It's very likely that you will die how many wasps things are coming up. That's why I'm gonna only associate with people with bee allergies.

SPEAKER_02

I I feel like that's gotta be somewhat rare. I don't know. I've never met anyone with allergies.

SPEAKER_01

I don't want the other option, Riley. I don't want to make that work. I'm not trying to make you pick the other option here, because I wouldn't pick the other option either, if I'm being honest. That one's pretty bad.

SPEAKER_00

I'm going to the local doctor's office and finding documentation to every single person with a B allergy. Because I have this power, I'm gonna fucking use it. It may be by chance, one of those fuckers with B allergy is also a registered sex offender.

SPEAKER_01

There you go. That's gonna be like a one-of-one thing. I don't know. I would hope at least. I don't know how many I guess there probably are a lot of sex offenders out there. Alright, I think I'm gonna give that point to Seth there. Just because Ethan did kind of end up stealing your idea a little bit towards the end there.

SPEAKER_00

One point, one point to Seth. Holy black pepper or become a mouth breezer breezer.

SPEAKER_03

I'm a little scared to see what the rest of these are.

SPEAKER_01

No, yeah, some of these I'm a little scared to see what the rest of these are. You know what? That was the first one. That was the first one. This one I feel like is just as interesting.

SPEAKER_00

He did say they were extreme.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, he did say they were extreme. All of these are pretty extreme, I'll be honest. Alright. This next one honestly might be better than the last one.

unknown

Oh lord.

SPEAKER_01

What do you mean by better exactly? Not not better in like a worse way. I feel like it's you'll see here. All right. Would you rather have headaches felt in the tip of your penis with two times like the strength of a normal headache? So you're it'll it'll hurt, right? Or be a professional boxer, but your testicles are located on your chin, right? So you're always getting hit in your bulbs. Oh no. So either way, you're gonna feel a lot of pain all the time, probably. I have a question about the first question. You said it's a headache, but in my penis. In the head of your penis, specifically. In the head of my penis. Yes. But you feel you feel it two times as much as like you normally a normal headache would be. If if I take if I were to take some ibuprofen, would that would because it's a headache, but just on my penis. Yeah, you're technically d I mean you know what? Just for this, I'm gonna say no because I don't think I'll say no. You're you're always going to be feeling that headache twice as bad as you normally would in your head.

SPEAKER_00

It's like a period for for for dicks.

SPEAKER_01

Uh you know what? You're going first this time, Ethan.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, you sure we can't have like you sure it's not like a caffeine headache on my penis? Can I just try caffeine? It will be fine.

SPEAKER_01

You can try, I guess.

SPEAKER_00

I'm going with the second option. I'm gonna become a professional boxer, but where my testicles are just right fucking here. I will I will say, professional boxer, I mean, this entire time, I'm gonna have like one hand at least right here guarding this at all times. No one is getting going after my chin. I'll wear a mouth guard, I'll fucking I'll do what I have to do. Alright. If I'm a professional boxer, I at least know that I'm gonna at least have one win somewhere. If I have to use one hand to be on the offensive side, I will. But I'm protecting this at all times. If I have to put a jock strap over my fucking mouth, I'll be ready.

SPEAKER_01

See, would they allow it though? Unless I'm saying it might be illegal in there. Would they allow you to wear a jock strap?

SPEAKER_00

Probably not. Probably not. But so, and I was saying I won't even have to wear a jock strap down here when my balls are up here. If I play in the NFL if I play in the NFL, at least I have a chin strap.

SPEAKER_01

I'd love to just see like the perspective of your opponent. You can just see a pair of balls just dangling from your shin.

SPEAKER_00

But I will I will say this that um the second option is much better only because of the fact that the first option, you'll feel that the entire time. It's just on the could you imagine having to take a piss while your dick is having a while your dick is having a headache.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't even think of that. That might suck really bad.

SPEAKER_00

You gotta imagine how much that would hurt.

SPEAKER_01

That is very also you gotta think about it. Even though it is on your chin, I'm sure you're getting punched in the balls, even though it's on your chin, I'm sure you're still gonna feel all that stomach pain.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it's gonna it's gonna be way worse than being normally punched in the chin or normally punched in the balls.

SPEAKER_01

And in boxing matches, you do get punched a lot. There's also, I guess you'll even a chance of like rupturing your testicles because it's getting punched a lot. And you're getting brain damage on top of that from getting repeatedly punched all the time.

SPEAKER_00

If I get punched in a chin and one of my balls just comes out from my fucking mouth.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I don't want to think about that.

SPEAKER_00

Oh no, from I have a permanent headache on the tip of my dick, I will I'm I'm I'm done.

SPEAKER_01

It's not permanent, just as long as you have a headache, it just goes to the tip of your penis. So it's not that would suck if it was like constantly. That would not be fun. I'd probably go boxing too. Well, I'm gonna give my answer. Or let's hear it, buddy. I would rather actually go with the first option of getting the headaches on my tip. Okay, because um, I mean, yes, I guess if you're a professional boxer, you can't you will be blocking some of those hits, but there's no way you're gonna be blocking every single hit. And when you get those punches to your balls that's on your chin, that is going to hurt like absolute hell. And uh thing is like I've seen like some people boxing like for a while, like usually like when they take so many punches like to their head, like it's it starts to like get a little bit deformed and stuff. I don't want that from my balls. I I don't want my balls to get deformed from taking so many punches to it. Um so I would rather just I'd rather just go with the with the tip headaches because it's I mean it sounds like it's gonna suck, but um I mean and it's not permanent and and like eventually it'll just go away.

SPEAKER_00

And um but just remember that the typical headache is amplified times two, yeah, times two, and the possible concept of just having a straight up migraine. So you you gotta imagine, you gotta imagine this that the normal headache can range from right here, the back of your head, or the back of your Next, if you have a full-blown migraine where it's just everywhere, would that well say you gotta imagine the concept because like originally he said just the hit with a dick.

SPEAKER_01

So like what if you do have a that bad? I mean, it definitely sucks, but I I really feel like having testicles on your chin is worse.

SPEAKER_00

So I gotta imagine like I know it's not technically what he said, but like imagine like a full-blown migraine and it goes all the way down to the fucking shaft.

SPEAKER_01

I don't even want to imagine that pain, dude.

SPEAKER_00

No, that'd be terrible.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, to be honest, I'd I'd say the best way to compare it is like when you get blue balls. So except it's just on the tip this time. I wouldn't really consider that the same thing. No, I mean it's not the same thing. I'm just saying it it's the best, it's the best way to compare it to. I guess I mean, yeah, it definitely sucks. But um I I I feel like having face testicles is just worse. No, and and like imagine like you take an in like a very serious injury, so now like you can't box anymore. How you how you gonna I'm just gonna show it up to job interviews with testicles on your chin?

SPEAKER_00

Look, man. If I could rock a Peter Griffin accent, I'm golden.

SPEAKER_01

You know, I didn't think of that part.

SPEAKER_00

I will be in the studios filming that live action.

SPEAKER_01

Well, that's fair. A little extra money. This is one of those ones that honestly both answers kind of s like either way, it would suck to pick. Like I don't even know which one I would really pick. But you know what? I think I'm gonna go Ethan for this one. Just because let's say he he's a boxer, let's just say he's just gets really good at defense. Maybe somehow he can minimize how much he gets punched like in the in the testicle area.

SPEAKER_00

Maybe it's like when your headaches are gonna come.

SPEAKER_01

That is fair. That could happen anytime. Even like imagine you're having sex and that happens.

SPEAKER_00

You probably could could you imagine a concussion? Could you imagine a concussion?

SPEAKER_01

You wanna run that by me again?

SPEAKER_02

That was calling. Alright. Let me figure out the next one I'm gonna do here.

SPEAKER_01

Would you rather every time you masturbate, you are teleported to a school, but like in a classroom, or let's say classroom, right? But you can't leave, you can't leave the classroom at all until you've done, like you bust a nut, essentially. Right? Or be the reason that there cannot be a cure found for cancer, but everybody knows that you are the reason that cancer cannot be cured. Ooh no. Oh no. Listen, you're not ready. I'll give my answer because I know what I'm gonna do.

SPEAKER_00

This is how we get canceled.

SPEAKER_01

Episode three, we finally started publishing and we get cancer.

SPEAKER_00

These are all hypothetical, no, don't worry. I'm gonna have to go with being the reason that we cannot find a cure for cancer, and it being publicly known that I'm the reasoning. Either way, you're being publicly ashamed. There's just no way around it. But like, at least like having to avoid publicly masturbating, at least that's avoidable. There's many ways where you can avoid that.

SPEAKER_02

Not in this army.

SPEAKER_00

If you are to reason that, um if you were to reason that cancer can't be cured, well obviously you can't stop that from happening. I guess I guess it kind of depends on context, however. Like, is there any specific reason to why like I'm specifically not the kid? Like, I'm specifically the reason why we can't find a cure for cancer.

SPEAKER_01

Um I think you're just the one that just gets blamed for it. I don't let's just say your existence in general is just stopping the cure being found. I don't know. I don't really know. I didn't think that's just that's just depressing.

SPEAKER_00

I'll be the sacrificial lamb. Just to find out that we still can't cure it. Oh, so I just so I just died for nothing. But yeah, no, you could definitely avoid uh public masturbation.

SPEAKER_01

Uh yeah, you can a hundred percent avoid that.

SPEAKER_00

Just don't do it.

SPEAKER_01

Just don't don't fucking do it. Well, I'll give my answer. Alright, let's hear it, buddy. I think I'd rather go with the first one. Really? Listen, because really all I have to do is just never masturbate again in my life, and I'm fine. You didn't even specify anything. You never said I had to masturbate. You just said every time I do, that that crap happens. So just as long as I don't ever do it anymore, nothing happens. I don't have to be worried knowing that people are gonna hunt me down because they can't cure cancer because of me. I could just live the rest of my life in peace. Honestly, probably better off, honestly. Hey, think about it though. What about the first time you ever jerk off? You probably wouldn't know you're getting teleported.

SPEAKER_00

So now you're just going through puberty. You're just not going through puberty. You there there's no stopping it. And by the way, I must say, teleported not being on the bed. So now you gotta now you gotta restart.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, let's just say you teleport onto the fucking teacher's desk. You're just there, you're just you're just going ham or something. I don't know. Oh man.

SPEAKER_00

Because now you're cooked. Now you're cooked, you lost your focus. Now you gotta restart.

SPEAKER_01

No, but oh my god. If if people if everyone in the entire world is blaming you that you cannot cure cancer, like they will hunt you down. You'll have you'll have to you'll have to go into extreme hiding. Like also too, like if it's like let's say it's like your parent or something that gets cancer, they will know that they're the reason that they cannot get cured. It's because you're alive, like or yeah, because it's just you in general, like you're the reason cancer can't be cured. It's just like damn. And you have to live with that fact too.

SPEAKER_00

Evidently, if you do tend end up being like publicly known as the reason that you can't cure cancer, you could basically say goodbye to your life. Like within 48 hours, someone is gonna kill you.

SPEAKER_01

Versus all I have to do is just never masturbate ever again, and then I'm living my life completely fine.

SPEAKER_00

Listen, buddy, everybody goes through puberty once.

SPEAKER_01

There's no stopping. You know, probably not everyone, let's be honest. I mean, maybe not.

SPEAKER_00

I would I would think so, but unless you cut your wiener off. There you go. But again, you don't know that you get teleported. You're like, I don't want to take any chances.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I don't want to take no chances. This thing's just weighing me down anyways. I guess. Fuck man. I'm sure you'll be feeling that shame for the rest of your life though. That's never going away. Well at least uh I don't know. Oof. This one was a bit of a thinker, I guess. I guess. I don't know. These are just like random extreme fucking woody rathers. I don't know who I'm gonna point that one to, I gotta think here. Um they're both pretty bad. We still have we still have like over 30 more minutes to do this card. I do have a decent amount of these. I was only with the third one, or was it the second one? Yeah, that's just the third one. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Damn. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

So I I I put a lot down just in case these kind of didn't go by fast. So we might have a content warning for this. Oh my god. I told you this one's a little uh we're making no money off this video. You know what? I think I would have go Ethan. Yeah, just because I think the shame and guilt anyone would feel after doing that, even a single time. Alright. Say, would you rather rally an Avengers level team threat with the sole purpose of just bullying orphans? Right? Or you yourself become an Avenger level threat with the sole purpose to create orphans. What the fuck? Yep. This one I got off TikTok. I was like, you know what? Fuck it, I'll throw it off. You got all these off of TikTok? I got a lot of these off TikTok. These are pretty bad. But you know, I was like, fuck it, it might make it an interesting topic. So um so you either become the hero or the villain. I mean, you're kind of a villain either way. In this context, but Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I'm going to be the Avengers level threat. I'm going to become the villain to make the orphans. And here is why. Either way, you are the villain. There's no going back from that. If I'm already a villain, I'm gonna become bloodthirsty. And um who knows? Even the Sunkids, I could be their hero. They could live in bad households. Guess what, buddy? Not anymore. You're going to that orphan home. You're gonna have a new mom and dad.

SPEAKER_01

Is that is that the reason for your answer?

SPEAKER_00

That's about all I got. Yeah, that's about all I got.

SPEAKER_01

Alright, I'm gonna also go with me myself being the Avengers level threat. Because what I'll do is I'll uh you know, be my Avenger self, creating the orphans, and then now we have all these orphans just laying around doing nothing. Just laying around. I will con I will inspire them to join an army as one, and now we have an army of orphans to rule the to rule the world.

SPEAKER_00

Avenger level threat, by the way. He has an army of orphans.

SPEAKER_01

So you guys both are going the route of murdering a bunch of parents, essentially, here.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I guess so. So either to be the hero, become a villain, or just create a fucking orphan army.

SPEAKER_02

That would be kind of hard, especially if you're the one that orphaned them kids. You're the one that murdered their parents.

SPEAKER_00

And they're just like, you know what? We're we're with you, dog.

SPEAKER_01

We will rise against the parents. No more curfews.

SPEAKER_00

It didn't even matter, I went against my curfew, anyways.

SPEAKER_01

That's fair. Alright. You know what? I kind of like Seth's idea of trying to build an orphan army. So I think I'm gonna do it in the point.

SPEAKER_00

I I I fuck with it, but the concept it doesn't make much sense.

SPEAKER_01

The context doesn't make much sense, but you know what? We'll go with it.

SPEAKER_00

But I fuck with it.

SPEAKER_01

Listen, I'm all I'm just trying to work with what I have, okay? No, that's fair. There isn't really much to go off on these. I thought it was kind of why I'd be interesting.

SPEAKER_02

Hear your fucking thoughts on it. You know what? We'll do this one. This one, I'm curious for this one, all right. Alright.

SPEAKER_01

Would you rather unanimously be considered by all women in the entire world being the best in bed? In like say including your like sister, your mother, and your grandmother, like every single woman in the entire world, or would you rather be known as the worst in bed by all women, including like everyone in your family, like your mother, your sister, your grandmother, like that. Oh, well, this is easy. But think about it, how else would they know that you're the best in bed? You gotta think about it. How else are they gonna know that you're the worst in bed? Yeah, exactly. It goes both ways, though. Ethan, we don't even need to argue about this one.

SPEAKER_00

No, if if this is what we have to work with, I'd rather be known as a professional over being being known as the bum in bed.

SPEAKER_01

Uh but now is the part we have to try to explain it. Fuck.

SPEAKER_00

If you are better in bed, the is a probably a stronger likelihood of a case of incest. If you are the worst person in bed, there's a less likely chance that that has occurred. You've only had to probably have had sex once and be completely terrible at it that with it being publicly known across the world that you're so bad, no one's gonna want that. And all you have to do, all you have to do is just lay in bed and just beat your fucking dick.

SPEAKER_01

Well, here's what I'll go with. Alright. I'll I'm really putting these words to use that you've given us. So I want to hear no fucking extra shit. Like, no, actually, uh no. You said that every woman in the world would know that we're the best in bed. However, I never said how they would know how you're best in bed. You never said how they would know, which means you didn't specifically state that they've slept with me. It could have just been like maybe they just heard me from across the room and they're like, okay, you go, champ.

SPEAKER_00

Maybe they googled it. Maybe they just maybe they googled it. Maybe that's up there somewhere.

SPEAKER_01

Maybe, maybe they just heard over Fox News that newsflash, this guy is the best sex dude.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, my mom's looking up at Google. Is my son good at sex? Like Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01

So, you know, it's I'm just saying. There's you didn't you didn't say that any of that crap happened. You just said that everyone knows. So I mean, I'm going with that at least. I don't really know what else there is to say. Um, yay me, I guess.

SPEAKER_00

Yay me, but it just wanna be Johnny Sins.

SPEAKER_01

You know what? I think I'll both give you a point because you guys kind of have the same. I'll be honest. I'll be honest, I did kind of mean in the way that they knew was by you having sex with them, but I I will admit I did not explain that. So we'll we'll just skip that whole part that since I didn't technically explain that. So we'll just got a point, Eve. So right now you're tired 3-3 right now. Ooh, three to three. Depending on how long these couple ones take, you might have time for like two more. Are y'all ready for this one? I guess. No. Go ahead. Here we go. Alright. Would you rather shit your pants once a week for an entire year? Or would you rather go to your neighbor, hold him down, and shit in his pants one singular time? One time, that's all you have to do. It could be any neighbor, but it could be it has to be a neighbor, but it could be any one of your neighbors.

SPEAKER_00

I think I'm gonna go with shitting my pants 52 times a year. And here's why. I I will say I've lived in the same place for 16 years and never had a bad neighbor. I would feel so much guilt for having to force one of my neighbors and shit in their pants when I could just shit in my own pants, clean myself off, throw away those clothes, and buy new ones. Shitting yourself is fucking nasty, but at least it's fixable. Throw your clothes away, clean yourself off, go buy new clothes. And you only gotta do it 52 times in one year.

SPEAKER_01

Honestly, I've got a hard time trying to decide which one I'd rather do. If I want to retain my dignity, I'd go with the first one, but the second one is kind of funny. If we're completely honest, I think I'd rather just go with the first one. Cause uh I mean, yeah. I mean, worst case scenario, you just change your pants. And as long as as long as just I just won't ever wear white pants anymore. They'll all just be just be like brown denim. No one will even tell anymore. Brown denims. Might not be able to tell, but they'll definitely be able to smell, that's for sure. And I mean, either way, I mean it's already a catastrophic event, but maybe I can just wear diapers underneath and then oh no, you can wear no diapers, you're shit in your pants. Well, so I'm not wearing any underwear either. I'm I'm scrolling around just okay. Well, I have to wear underwear, but like shit in your pants. Yeah, okay. Well, in that case, I just gotta get more. I just gotta get extra. I just got stack up on undies, and uh, well, that's honestly cheaper than pants, I'm pretty sure. Well, there we go. I mean, honestly, that's that kind of just kind of just takes it away. And then if you know, then you know what? If people notice and like, oh my god, dude, did you just shit your pants? Dude, just lie, be like, yeah, man, I gotta like I got I got Ebola or something.

SPEAKER_00

You better work on a schedule by the time you hit week two or three to figure out, okay, this is when I'm gonna shit, this is when I don't want to be around people. Um by the time you hit week week two or three, you realize, like, hey, this is not happening on a weekly basis, where I'm shitting my pants. You will have like at least 50 to 45 to 50 weeks in which you are able to strategize on how you want to go through with this.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, and then uh once you start noticing it, you can just get like one of those work from like work from home jobs, so you don't even like you would never have to interact with people. You can just stay away from all of them. You can if it's a good job, you can get you can just door dash your food, and you know, you just don't ever have to leave the house. Unless if you want to, because you might be like, Doctor, I just can't stop shooting my pants. Why am I shooting my pants, doctor? To be fair, I'd also probably take that one. I don't know if I'd want to shit in any neighbor's pants. I just want to imagine like all the news channels like covering that, like around 8 p.m. last night. Uh we we got reports of a man going into his neighbor's house where he allegedly held him down, pulled down his pants, and then he shat in his neighbor's pants. The suspect has now been arrested, and he will be going to court in the tomorrow. Like that would just that would just be the craziest like news line to ever hear. That will be a problem I mean you know what? And to be fair, I feel like well maybe not exactly that, but that kind of shit unfortunately just happens on the regular. I don't know if you guys ever you guys saw the video of um there's like a janitor, he was mopping like the hallway of like one of the malls, and some random dude just walks by and just shits in his fucking mop bucket. Oh, I think I did see that. Yeah. At least it wasn't in his pants, though. Better than the janitor having to grab it from the floor. Real victim there was the mop bucket.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I wonder how long it took to clean that shit up, dude. Literally. I'm sure that was fun for the janitor. He already has to clean everything with shit filled mop bucket.

SPEAKER_00

You know, actually, Ethan. You better hope he hasn't taken any stool softeners.

SPEAKER_01

Ethan. Ethan. You remember that one day when we worked at Walmart?

SPEAKER_00

Seth, I swear to god, if this is what I think it is. In the apparel aisle. The one day, the one day that we didn't have maintenance, I decided to volunteer to help. And of course it had just it just had to be human shit. Smeared on the fucking floor.

SPEAKER_01

I don't quite remember how I'd fucking stumbled on to that, but like I just kind of noticed that like I I saw like you and some other lady kind of freaking out, and I'm like, what the hell's going on over here? It's just like there's shit on the ground. I'm like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_00

Not even like not it's not even like an actual piece of shit. It's shit smeared on the ground.

SPEAKER_01

How far did that shit track?

SPEAKER_00

Because it hadn't been from the bathroom quite a while.

SPEAKER_01

It was it had to be like from the bathroom that was like behind the electronic area, and it got all the way down to the apparel.

SPEAKER_00

From the bathroom all the way down to apparel.

SPEAKER_01

Wait, seriously?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Oh my god. I don't even know how. I don't even know how. It's like someone actually stepped in after every step. It just smeared a little more and a little more and a little more. I've had people wash ditches in the fucking public bathroom and detract shit from fucking like 50 fucking feet.

SPEAKER_01

Alright. Well, I think I'm gonna give that point. I'll give it I'll give it to Seth just because he gave I feel like he gave a little more detailed explanation. Um now this last one I definitely don't think it's as bad as these ones. I think it might be a little more thought-provoking. Alrighty. Hopefully. This should be this probably the last one. I assume it'll probably take about five minutes. So unless if Ethan wins, we'll have to do a tiebreaker. Oh, yeah, that's fair. Uh, yeah, okay. Um so would you rather your toilet gains sentience in the ability to speak and remembers everything like you've done in the bathroom essentially? And he also talks to you every time you're in the bathroom. Keep in mind he doesn't like you. He's not very happy with you, okay? He got beef with you.

SPEAKER_00

Who talks out of the way?

SPEAKER_01

Or your bed gains sentience and he whispers atrocities in your ear while you're trying to sleep every night. I guess I'll go first here. Uh I would rather have the toilet gain sentience and speak to me. Because even though it has beef with me, honestly, I mean it's a toilet. I mean it may be sentient, but it can't do anything about anything. So I'll just sh- I need in anything it says, I'll just show up ignore it. And then if he's really annoying me, all I have to do is just uh just crank up my headphones and I won't even be able to hear what he's saying. And then I'll just like I'll just not even like care that he exists. I mean I'll I'll feel bad for him maybe, but I mean he's like what else am I gonna do? What am I supposed to do? Just shit in my neighbor's pants? I mean you could, but uh yeah, no, I I'd I'd rather go at that. And then like, you know, there's shower curtains, so it's not like the toilet's watching me shower, so he'll only he'll he'll see me naked for like a second, and then I just hop in that bad boy. Well, I play music when I shower, so I won't even care. He's loud enough, he might be over that music.

SPEAKER_00

I am also gonna go with the the toilet. And only I was saying mainly because of the fact that um basically all I'm gonna be all I'm gonna tell it is just like, buddy, your whole point of living is to do this one job. I will piss and shitting you all I want. And if buddy just wanna keep arguing I was gonna say, like, the one thing that I fear is that like it just at one point gets tired of it and just ends up saying, Fuck it, I'm flooding this bitch up.

SPEAKER_02

That would suck.

SPEAKER_00

But um I would rather have that over the bed, obviously. Because if the bed she's gonna shit talk me the entire time overnight as I'm trying to sleep, I'm never gonna be able to sleep. I mean concept that it's like uh buddy this is your whole job. This is your entire living. You are just here so I can sleep on it, on you. But at least the concept is uh it's either you're gonna shit talk me as I'm trying to piss or shit, or you're gonna try to shit talk me when I'm trying to sleep. And I'd rather I'd much rather be talk shit to if I'm pissing and shitting over when I'm trying to sleep.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, no, because it would be it would be impossible to like actually fall asleep if your bed's just constantly whispering atrocities to you.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01

I'd if you'd probably just have to throw out the bed and you have to sleep on the couch. Or is the couch gonna start speaking too? Hey well, this we did just in the bed, so yeah. You could always just move to the couch. Fair enough. Uh yeah, no, I I I feel like the talking toilet is just uh better choice in this scenario. Very much. I don't feel like either way would kind of suck. Because obviously that would not be fun trying to sleep when somebody's just whispering in your ear random bullshit the entire night. Especially if it's something you're trying to sleep on. Can't really get away from that, like put on headphones. I don't even know if that'd help too much. Because it's like basically the surrounding you, anyways. And then the toilet knowing everything you've ever done. Like, imagine you did something really bad, he could always just keep bringing like bullshit up in your past, keep you know, while you're just trying to take a shower or something.

SPEAKER_00

Me and me and the toilet should not have that complicated relationship. It's seeing my body up and down, it's in my fucking taint multiple times. And you're no longer trying to argue with me.

SPEAKER_01

I I will say this. The toilet may be sentient, but it doesn't have a soul. It's basically just if fucking if chat GPT was a toilet. So and we all know how we feel about AI on this podcast. I will gladly stand on that shit. You know what? I think I'll go with I think I'll go with Seth again just because you know what? I guess it is fair if you really wanted to, you probably could just blare like music really, really loud. Yeah. Get rid of him talking to you the entire time. Instead of him bitching at you while you're showering. I mean, even if you did put headphones in here taking a shit too, I guess. That would always work. Although maybe he'll start splashing you when when you're not listening to him, but all right, so Seth Seth wins 5-3, I believe. Yeah. I'm gonna be honest, I don't know if I should be proud of the episode I won.

SPEAKER_00

This was LF it was really good.

SPEAKER_01

This was certainly something. Yeah, I was trying to think of something that'd be interesting. I thought, you know, maybe really extreme would you rather should be interesting. Alrighty, wrap this up, Riley.

SPEAKER_00

I believe now the all the almost I'm pretty sure we have all won now. So yeah. We've all won at least one now.

SPEAKER_01

I see kind of basically in the order that we were going too.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Ethan won first, and then I won, and then you won. Alright. Oh, thank you guys so much for watching this episode of Small City Sessions. Today, Seth is the winner. Five, two, three. Everybody, give a round of applause to Seth here for the winner. I'm so happy. I am I'm so happy. I'm I'm glad that everyone believed in me in this very and also since he won, not that this matters, but he will also be hosting next episode. So be looking forward to what he has coming up. Uh yeah. Thank you guys for watching this episode.

SPEAKER_02

We hope you guys enjoyed, and we'll see y'all in the next episode.

SPEAKER_01

Hope you guys, we're gonna go to the house.