Alexandra Bojarski-Stauffer on Architecture and Triathlons | Hidden Foundations Ep 11

Viewer discretion is advised. This episode includes sensitive conversations about alcoholism, suicide threats, family instability, and difficult parent-child dynamics.

In this episode of Hidden Foundations, Kendall sits down with Alexandra Bojarski-Stauffer, architect, triathlete, and founder of Emerald Hive Design, to explore how childhood responsibility, financial instability, and emotional survival shaped the way she leads today. Alexandra shares how a childhood drafting board sparked her love of architecture, why roadblocks as a woman in architecture pushed her to start her own firm, and how becoming a caretaker for her parents forced her to grow up fast. The conversation also covers therapy, vulnerability, Team USA triathlon, mental resilience, visualization, business ownership, community, and the hidden family patterns that shaped Alexandra’s operating system.

Chapters
00:00 Cold Open: Pressure, Architecture, and Caretaking
01:04 Meet Alexandra Bojarski-Stauffer
01:35 Discovering Architecture at Age Four
03:22 Starting Her Own Firm After Career Roadblocks
09:55 Money, Family Instability, and Becoming the Caretaker
18:44 Therapy, Survival Mode, and Emotional Growth
25:10 Triathlon, Grit, and Competing With Team USA
37:32 Business Advice, Architecture, and Community Lessons


Hidden Foundations is a weekly podcast hosted by entrepreneur and investor Kendall Schoenrock, examining how family systems, early adversity, and childhood dynamics quietly shape high-performing adults. Each conversation uncovers the “invisible wiring” behind resilience, ambition, leadership, and grit — told through candid stories from entrepreneurs, athletes, creators, and leaders.

Guided by the thesis that strength is forged early at home, the show uses a consistent framework to explore emotional environments, money narratives, family roles, conflict patterns, and early challenges. Every episode delivers at least one practical, repeatable insight for parents, leaders, and anyone seeking to understand how greatness is built long before it’s visible.

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#HiddenFoundations #AlexandraBojarskiStauffer #WomenInArchitecture

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You know, when you're doing tr a triathlon um on the world stage, there's a lot of pressure, right? A lot of game time pressure.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Walk me through the process of when you decided to start your own firm.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Being a woman in architecture, which is a male-dominated, you know, profession, I just kept running into roadblocks. And it was very frustrating. You know, I would work just as much and as hard and as long as my peers, and then they would get all the cool projects. I don't think growing up like my parents ever said I love you, or hugged very much, or were very, you know, emotionally giving in that way, and so I had to actually teach them how to hug and how to say I love you.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

So it seems like you've been forced into a caretaker role.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Yes, oh absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

This is Hidden Foundations. A show about how family, childhood, and adversity shape leaders. Because before they became who they are, their foundation was already being formed. Today I'm joined with Alexandra Bajarski Stolfer, if I say that right. That's right. I struggle with Nick, I'm sorry. So, okay, um, Alexandra, you are an architect. That's right. A triathlete, a business owner.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

So many different places to start. Um let's dive into uh some of your architectural history. So, why of all the things that you could focus on, did you land on architecture?

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Um I pretty much knew I wanted to be an architect from a very young age. Um, I think I was four or five years old, and my parents um gave me a drafting board, and I really, really wanted a pool in the backyard. I just love to swim, and um I'm an aquarius, so you put me in water, and I'm just really happy. And they said, okay, well, if you can draw a pool to scale, we'll get you a pool in the backyard. So I got out this drafting board and kind of learned how to, you know, take a measurement and scale it down. I drew the pool, but I never got my pool. They duped me. Um, that's okay, because later I ended up helping get them a pool. So I guess it comes full circle eventually. But I I always knew from that first point that I was very interested in architecture. And as a kid, I was always in my backyard building forts, um, putting things together, always taking apart things, putting them back together, building Legos. I would build like these entire worlds for like my Hot Wheels and the Barbies, and I was more concerned about building things than I was actually playing with dolls, so to speak.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Um, and recently you started a business around this.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

That's correct.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Uh tell me the name of your company now.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Um, my company is Emerald Hive Design. Um, I am a hundred percent female-owned architecture firm. Um it is just me. So one stop shop. Um, but I am partnered with Emerald Hive Build, um, which is owned by Jared Young.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Okay. So walk me through the process of when you decided to start your own firm, what does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Um, it's not, I will be honest, it is not something I ever wanted to do because I understood the inherent risk and responsibility that owning your own firm and your own business would take. Anytime anyone would ask me, I would say, absolutely not, don't want the liability, I'm not gonna do that. But as I got further along in my career, being a woman in architecture, which is a male-dominated, you know, profession, I just kept running into roadblocks. And it was very frustrating. You know, I would work just as much and as hard and as long as my peers, and then they would get all the cool projects. And so eventually I would get more opportunities, they would get the raise, they would get, you know, the title. And so um I was with the firm actually on the East Coast for about four years, um, running a global department called 3D Visualizations, where essentially it was a design studio and I was doing all the front-end design. Um, but I noticed that a lot of people would come up to me in meetings and say, Oh, you're the visualizations expert. You're just a graphic artist, you're not an architect. And that really got under my skin. And I asked my boss, like, hey, can you? I know that I'm running this group, can you please, you know, put me on a few projects instead of just doing exterior design? Could I actually lead something all the way through? Um, and we just couldn't get to that point. And so I left that company um to start my own.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Before you made that decision, did you lean into your parents for advice?

SPEAKER_00 5:01

You know, my parents, I I of course, I would always ask my mom and dad, like, hey, what do you think about this? It was kind of a very quick decision. Um, my parents are so supportive of me. And, you know, my mom itself, herself, you know, being the breadwinner of the family, was like, yeah, you can do it, go for it. Um it it was a very easy decision um on their part to support me.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Um at s at one point they were involved in politics and running for uh was it Senate? Is that right?

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Yes, the US Senate. And um, yeah, growing up with my parents was very interesting because they were always involved in politics, specifically the Libertarian Party. Um both of my parents, my dad was a civil rights investigator. Um he went to SMU SMU University and then later taught political science at Rockhurst. Um my mom got a PhD in economics at the University of Chicago, and they both met and fell in love with each other because they, you know, have a similar interest in politics. Um so when I was, I was saying three years old, my mom ran for U.S. Senate. Later, my dad, um, it was in 1992, and later my my dad also ran in 1996.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Fascinating. So think back to um childhood dinners. What did you guys talk about?

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Oh, it was always very intellectual and very interesting. My parents loved to read, um, usually the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, and so um a lot of times we'd have friends come over from the Libertarian Party, and they'd I, you know, would find myself eating dinner and listening to these conversations about what was going on in the world, you know, what was going on in the city in particular. Um, they actually helped start um Academy Lafayette, which was the first charter school in Kansas City.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

And that was when we at Kelolongan lost funding, and everybody who spoke French and went to this full measure in French school no longer had a school to go to. And so they stepped up with a couple of other parents and um and helped with that initiative. And so um to them, education, especially early education, was always extremely important.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

How did the focus on education um flank or support your traditional schooling or your your upbringing as it relates to reading and entrepreneurship and the educational journey?

SPEAKER_00 7:40

Um that's a good question. You know, obviously my mom going to really good schools, you know, in University of Chicago, and um for them, education was always extremely important. And so I always worked really, really hard in school. I felt like that was the my number one priority. Um, you know, I graduated um Academy Lafayette at the top of my class, and then decided I myself was gonna research and decide what high school I was gonna go to. Um, and so I ended up going to St. Teresa's Academy because not only could at the age of 16 could you go to Rockhurst and UMKC and take college-level courses, um, especially French courses, but they had track and field um and just a lot of opportunity for those higher level courses. So um going to St. Teresa's and all girls, you know, private school was uh definitely influential in my, you know, my upbringing, my education.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

That decision, you basically drove the exploration, the the decision-making process to your parents, yeah, and then the the final decision to to go there. Correct. And what does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 8:54

Um it it kind of looked like me coming to my parents with a presentation and saying, these are the schools I research, and this is the one I want to I would like to go to.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

Do you think that that the the approach um did you approach it that way because you thought that's what land would land best with your parents, or is that just how you problem solve?

SPEAKER_00 9:13

I think that's just how I problem solve. They said, okay. And you know, it obviously it needed to be presented to me in that way because you know, my mom was a breadwinner, but my dad didn't really make a lot of money. And I think at the time St. Teresa's was nine to twelve thousand dollars a year. So, I mean, that was kind of a big financial decision. Um, and later, I think about two years later, my mom actually lost her job. So I had to get a scholarship to continue to go to that school, and they gave me uh an economic scholarship.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Wow. How much was finances? Um did you discuss money uh around the table? Was it a tool? How was finances discussed?

SPEAKER_00 9:55

You know, it was always I was always fascinated with finances as a little kid. My mom, um, I would crawl into bed with her in the morning and she would have the New York Times, and I would guess whether the stocks went up or down. And so at a very young age, I was very interested in that. And I was always very frustrated that my parents were so bad at finances. They, my mom was a bipolar alcoholic, and so for her, it was just, I'm gonna go here and I'm gonna travel there and just throw it on the credit card, and who cares? You know, it was a very like laissez-faire type attitude when it came to finances. And my dad just didn't really have a whole lot of ambition when it came to making money. So I kind of watched my parents really struggle financially, and that kind of lodged itself in my brain is that I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna make those mistakes. Um, and later, as I sort of, you know, went to high school and then later moved to New Orleans to study, you know, get a master's in architecture at Tulane, I watched both my parents lose their entire uh retirement and all their savings.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Well, what happened?

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Um kind of within the same year, um, they were trying to help people. Um, my mom went to the a cruise to the Caribbean, ended up in Jamaica, and met a guy who became her boyfriend. Uh, he then came back to the United States, ended up getting on her bank accounts, and right when we stole we sold the apartment in France, um, he ended up taking all that money and putting it in his account. Um, she also did things like bought a record studio, you know, and she tried to buy a building that would that she wanted to renovate to create um, you know, a live music venue, but didn't get the right fun funding and basically lost her deposit.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

So it seems like you've been forced into a caretaker role.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Yes. Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

How does that happen? I mean, uh did you just decide that you had to step in and and stop the bad decisions?

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Yes. And I wish I could have stepped in just a few months earlier. Um, but yeah, I it sort of subsequentially happened, oddly, within, you know, maybe a year of each other. Um, my dad had a house in Midtown and he had eight people living with him. Nobody was paying rent. Wow. Um, and it was it got pretty bad. Um, I was getting calls from neighbors. I was getting calls from the police saying, hey, they're selling meth out of the house. Um, we've got people living here that are um obviously possibly might not be legal residents of the United States. Um and so what I did was I realized I couldn't just go and kick them out. The police, I tried to take the cops there, and they said, no, you can't do that, they're guests. So I had to interview each one, get copies of their driver's license, create leases, try to go through the legal way to evict them. To evict them. Eventually, I got some of them to leave. Um, but it didn't actually, I didn't get all of them to leave until I sold the house to someone else, and he started demoing the house and playing loud music and eventually got everyone to finally leave.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

Yeah, it was a whole process.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

What what type of burden does that place on you as you're running your managing your career, starting and running a business, balancing both sides of the equation? Because it doesn't, I mean, you solve traditional work responsibilities.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Oh yeah, oh yeah. So I was at Populous at the time, um, and I don't know if you know what happened with Frank Wright in Jackson County, but the property taxes increased on and almost doubled, if not tripled. And I got a call from both my parents saying they could no longer afford their property taxes, and they didn't have enough money in their accounts. Um, and I will never forget when I got that call, I was at Populous, and I just went up to a principal and started crying, and we went into a room. She's like, I'm gonna help you get resources. Um, and I realized at that moment that I really had to step up because my parents were about to be homeless.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

And so um it took a while because A, I didn't have the resources at the time. Um, but that following year I got a job which doubled my salary, and I was able to finally make some more solid decisions. So sold my mom's house, moved her into low-income housing in the river market, sold my dad's house, I bought a small condo for him in Crown Center, and got them to sign power of attorney. And that at that point, they trusted me enough to take over financially and also manage their healthcare.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:48

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

So it just it happened like that, 2020 and 2021.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

And this is right, and then we've got COVID and all navigating all this.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

I moved my mom into that apartment at the end of February 2020. Wow. And then everything shut down. So I I felt very lucky that I had gotten her, you know, moved and settled. And yeah, it was it was uh it was not easy.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

What advice would you have for somebody who's also struggling with parents that are burdensome?

SPEAKER_00 15:24

Oh, that's a good question. Um well, it depends on if they're willing to work with you, you know, if they're willing to see reason. I understand sometimes if you're dealing with like an alcoholic parent, like my mom, for example, um, uh she had to stop drinking in order for me to help her. And that was a decision that she made in order for her to come back into my life. And I think there needs to be mutual respect there. And I think it really helped her kind of go into a new chapter of her life. Um, you know, my advice is to lead with kindness too, because I realized the reason my parents had gotten into this situation is because they had not been around kind people and they had didn't have um the support and sort, and we're around people who are rational problem solvers, if that makes sense. They were both kind of with these people that were using them, and they thought that they were their friends, but they weren't. It was very like this emotional turmoil. So remove those people that are affecting them, that's number one. Put them in an environment where they are loved and are feel like that it's a positive environment. Um, and then set them up with healthy habits and make sure that they they follow those. Working out, eating correctly, not drinking, things like that.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Did you have anger or resentment that that um your parents put you in that position?

SPEAKER_00 16:56

No, not at that point. I mean, I was upset with them when I was younger. Um, but I think it was more from a lack of understanding. Like, oh, why didn't we live in Brookside? Like, why is this so difficult? You know, why why aren't my parents normal? Why didn't I have a normal childhood, so to speak? I never I went through years of therapy to kind of arrive at the conclusion that it wasn't my fault. And so therefore I realized, oh, it's not their fault. I don't need to be angry at them. You know, of course I was disappointed, but I understood the decisions that led to their circumstances. Yeah. So at that point, it was just all love and understanding from coming from me.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Where does that forgiveness come from?

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Oh, that's a good question. Um, I think uh it's just always been inside of me. I've always been a very kind-hearted person. Um, you know, I just I love people and I love my family. Um and so it's it's sort of this strong resilience that's always been inside of me. I just realized that it needed to come out when it was time to let it show. Um, I don't think growing up like my parents ever said I love you or hugged very much, or very, you know, emotionally giving in that way. And so I had to actually teach them to how to hug and how to say I love you. Um, and I and those are things I learned over time, not only through therapy, but by being around positive people who did the same.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

In terms of actually showing affection.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

How does that happen? How how so was this a decision that you made along the way that you needed to seek external help in order to understand the dysfunction of your parents?

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Um, yes, yeah. So it it sort of came to a head when I was my freshman year of college at Toon Lane University. So doing a five-year master's course, my mom would call me and threaten to commit suicide because she was unhappy and it was my fault. And I'm like, mom, I'm I'm in too late, I'm in college, like, how is this my fault? And I think she felt like, you know, I'm not with her, she's alone in this big house, you know, she's struggling financially, obviously she's drinking. And it was really hard for me to deal with that, and I didn't know how to move forward. And so I went to my teacher. I think it was the only C I've ever, ever remember gotten. And I I was really struggling in studio that semester, and she said, Well, why don't you just go to therapy? And I said, Therapy? Well, that's a unique idea. And I was like, Okay. And so I went to therapy and I met this woman who ended up becoming a mentor of mine, and she told me, you know, it's not your fault. Your parents are this way because of things that happened in their lives, and and that burden shouldn't be on you. And so that started my journey of therapy and understanding why they were the way the way they were.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Yeah. Do you think that the your parents were not enabled with the correct skills or the emotional toolkits to handle the issues of their lives? And that's the reason that that echoes and impacts you?

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Oh yeah. Well, I I think it's actually a generational thing. I think anyone from the age of, you know, 60 through 80, I think they really struggle with handling their emotions. It's really rare to find someone who can, but it's probably because they've been through therapy. But I think people in that age range who, you know, were born in the 1940s and 50s, they didn't understand emotions. They didn't talk about emotions at home. So I don't think they were emotionally prepared to deal with hard problems and hard things. And so, in a way, um, you know, if you don't ever learn that, then you just lash out. You're kind of like a child and you throw a tantrum and you think that's okay, but it's not. And so I think my parents just never really quite learned that somehow.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

Right. Um, I'm not sure it was ever taught.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

Yeah, yeah. My I know that for for example, my father, um, who was born in 1942, his father didn't talk very much. There wasn't a lot of exchange of love or understanding. You know, he was a doctor, you worked all the time. And um, you know, they just didn't have that sort of level of communication. Um, and I think the same thing happened, you know, with my mother. Her mother was raising five kids and was busy. So, you know, when her father died at a young age, her mom had to work and take care of five kids. So I don't think there's a lot of um communication on how to handle your emotions at that time.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

So did you find it challenging to be vulnerable when you went to therapy?

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Um, oh, initially, yes. It was incredibly hard for me. Um, not only because I had never really. Express myself in that way, but I didn't grow up, you know, I didn't have a lot of friends growing up, I didn't have any cousins in town, so I was always by myself. Um, and it took me years to be able to um do that, and it was only when I eventually developed girlfriends and being around them and um having sort of that, you know, the girls that you hang out with and and watching how they react to each other and share that I began to finally learn that in my 20s.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

What broke or what changed so that you could really start to explore that in the the mental fitness journey?

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Um, you know, I think not only was it that initial incident incident with dealing with my mother, um, but you know, being in my first relationship, I realized that I struggled to um, you know, express myself, to show love and to be compassionate. Like it was really hard for me. Um, I had always grown up in this mindset in which I had to be in survival mode. And it took me a long time to figure out how to not always be in survival mode. And that it affected my relationships. And so it felt it became very important to me to figure out how not to be that way. So then I embarked on the whole journey of learning about Brenee Brown and reading all her work, and people like that have really influenced me.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

What other mentors or leaders do you lean into for guidance? Uh both for on the emotional side and then also on the business side?

SPEAKER_00 23:47

Oh, that's a good question. Um, well, like I said, I mentioned Brene Brown because she's such a good, you know, psychology analyst. Um reading her work and understanding, you know, how people deal with emotions was very profound for me. I think I first saw her TED Talk in college. Um, I thought she was incredible. Um, people like Mel Robbins, you know, she was um, I think she was like, I I can't remember her background exactly. Was she a lawyer? And then ended up getting into public speaking and writing.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

She books let them or something, correct?

SPEAKER_00 24:20

Correct, yeah. And she had this incredible initiative. She went through a period of, you know, depression and financial instability, and she realized one day, she's like, you know, as long as you include doing something with movement and you have less than five seconds to think about it, you'll actually start to get it done. And so she said, if you can't get out of the bed in the morning and you say five, four, three, two, one, then you you have to get out of bed before you get to one. Otherwise, you just won't get out of bed. And so now I use that with if there's something I really don't want to do and I just like need to pick up the phone or need to start writing or need to start working on a drawing, I'll use that. Okay, five, four, three, two, one. Just pick up the mouse.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

Um, you're also a triathlete.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

Yes, that's correct.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Does that motivation roll over there in terms of? I mean, there there's some days when you have to get up and train. Oh my goodness. It's rainy, raining and cold and dark, and you don't want to run. Yeah. Where does that grit come from?

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Um, it I think it comes from my, you know, resilience as a child, you know, always realizing that it was on me to get up and get things done because my parents weren't gonna do it for me and no one else was going to do it for me. Um, for me, I've always been an athlete. Like I've always had a really good high, high VO2 max. I've always been really strong when it comes to running. And I when I got into triathlon, um, you know, I wanted to do it because it was hard, right? Like I loved running, I was really good at it, I loved cycling, I was good at it. I was not good at swimming. I mean, I love to swim, but competition swimming is a whole different ball game. And so when I decided to pick triathlon as a sport, um, for me it was a challenge, it was the new challenge, right? And getting yourself to be motivated to go out there and get those workouts done, it's not easy. Um, sometimes you need to play some pump-up music, but you just have to say, okay, we're gonna get after it today. Like, don't be a pussy. Get after it. Just go do it.

SPEAKER_01 26:35

What sports did you play when you were a girl?

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Um, oh, so that's a good question. Um, I because I went to Academy Lafayette, I did not get to play sports as a kid. Um, Academy Lafayette was new. Um, by the time we got it established, I was in fifth grade. I always wanted to play sports. I always wanted to play soccer. And I went to my mom and I said, Hey, I would like to play soccer. And she's like, Well, I'm not, I'm not gonna drive to Oberlin Park. And that was kind of the extent of the conversation. And so I was always really sad inside. I really wanted to play basketball. Um, and so I got my parents to give me a basketball hoop. And before high school, I trained all summer. I got really good at um, you know, three-pointers and layups, and then I went to try out for the basketball team, and I didn't know the rules of basketball because I had never played on a team. And I was really good at three-pointers, but I wasn't as good at the layups because the hoop was smaller, and I it wasn't the same as the one I had practiced on. And so, um, and then of course, me being me, I was talking to the only black girl who was like trying out for the team, and because we sat by ourselves, we were considered that we didn't get along well with the other people, which is not true at all. Um, and so we didn't get let on the team.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

And it crushed my basketball team dreams from there. Um, so which is solely ironic because I later found out a few years ago that my great-grandfather played for James Nay Smith, who invented the rules of basketball. Right. And yet somehow I didn't I never got passed down to me the rules of basketball. So I ended up doing track and cross-country instead.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

And running. Recently you traveled to Australia to compete.

SPEAKER_00 28:26

Yes, that's correct.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

Tell me about that competition.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

Um, oh my gosh, Australia was absolutely incredible. Um, the the country itself is just so beautiful. I don't when people think about Australia, they think about desert climate, right? And like that vast plain. Um, the east side of Australia, if you look at an aerial map, is actually very tropical and very hilly. So it was not what I was expecting at all. Um just is for a triathlon. Yes, yeah. So very lush forests. Um and so I I ended up going to uh compete at nationals, which I do every year. And if you essentially get in the top six in your division, uh you get a spot on Team USA for your division. And it was in Australia, which I was so stoked. Um, and the team that I had qualified for the event was um the Draft Legal Sprint, and that is a 750-meter swim in open water, um, a 12-mile bike ride, and a 5k. So you're redlining the whole time. But as I was signing up for the race, I saw that you could do the duathlon as well. And I thought, oh, a duathlon. You're just you just swim and bike. That sounds easy. I'll just use that as a warm-up. Um didn't even realize the distance. I knew it was a 1500-meter swim, but um a 26-mile bike ride after that is is pretty hefty.

SPEAKER_02 29:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

I didn't really put the two and two together until about a few days before the race, and I was like, oh no, I'm doing back-to-back races. And the first one is gonna take me two and a half hours. Um, so I did the race. I didn't go full gas, um, but it was good. It's really good for you as a triathlete to put on the wetsuit, um, swim the course, get used to the water, get used to siding. So for me, it was kind of like a reconnaissance. Um, I ended up coming out of the water um fifth, had no idea because there's different groups going on. It's really hard to see when you're swimming. Um, and then got on the bike, did the 26-mile bike ride on the wrong bike, actually. You're supposed to have a TT bike, but you can't take two bikes to Australia. Um, and I ended up fifth.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

Which was in the second US woman, which was actually really shocking.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

Yeah. And then the next day I did the draft legal sprint. Um, obviously was a little sore, so I was really unsure as to how that was gonna go. Um, 30 minutes before the start of the race, it ended up being very windy and choppy. So instead of going out and back, like out of the bay and then back in, they they made it into an M shape. So it became much more technical. Instead of swimming around one buoy, you are now swimming around one, two, three, and then coming out. And that will really break up the group. And so you have to be a really strong swimmer with good siding skills to not get off track.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Right. And swim extra, which is not what you want to do.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

You don't want to swim extra. You want to stay in your line, um, and also learn how to draft.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

And somehow I I end up doing well and coming out in the not the first group, but the second group. And it's all about who you um end up with on the bike because that's who you pack with.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Do you think your work in therapy and mental fitness relates to your headspace when you're doing triathlons?

SPEAKER_00 32:01

Oh, yes, absolutely. Um, you know, when you're doing a triathlon um on the world stage, there's a lot of pressure, right? A lot of game time pressure. Um and you know, going through what I've been through throughout my life, especially dealing with mental resilience, it definitely plays through athletic mental resilience. Um, because not only is there the pressure of the race itself, there's the pressure of performance, there's the pressure of what happens when you make a mistake, how do you mentally recover from that and keep going? And that translates to work too. Um, and I think why I'm so confident as a business owner, because if there is an issue, I know that okay, there's if there's a problem, there's always a solution. It's just figuring out which solution you're going to pick.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

Um, and being resilient enough to not be defeated. You know, if there's an issue that happens, you need to be able to overcome it and keep going. Um, I've never quit a race and I don't intend to unless it's a serious injury. Um, when you you do have to know when to stop. But I think the two go hand in hand.

SPEAKER_02 33:13

Right.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

Yeah. Otherwise, it's um you won't you won't do well in either. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:20

From a uh from a sports perspective, um, are there any books or guiding lights that you would want to uh point people towards?

SPEAKER_00 33:32

Oh, um that's a good question. The lore of running is um pretty incredible. I don't know if you've ever seen it. It's a book about that thick that describes everything there is to know about the anatomy and running and stretching and you know, exercises and nutrition and how the ATP in your muscle works. It goes into like a very deep, um, you know, not only physical but biological level. I always think that's really fascinating. Like if you want to understand more about your body, um, really helps you understand how to compete at a higher level. Um I also really love um books about people. Um, in particular, like the memoirs of Hadrian, you know, for example, is also really fascinating. I love to read about leaders and how they've overcome and accomp accomplished things in adversity. Um I've told you about my friend and CEO, um Bonnie. Um, she's pretty incredible and has an AI startup. She interviewed over 30 different people and the different adversities, uh, women who had graduated from Harvard, like the different adversities that they had gone through. And every time I need a little pick-me-up or I'm going to bed, I'm like, okay, I'll just read a chapter, you know, and get some inspiration for the next day.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

If you could go and and make a phone call to the girl at Tulane whose mother just called and threatened suicide, what would you say?

SPEAKER_00 35:02

Oh, that's a good one. Um, you know, I do one of the things I've learned through mental resilience is sort of having these sessions with my inner child, and what I would say to my younger self if I had the opportunity, especially during a hard situation like that, I would just say, hey, hang in there, and um, you know, it's okay. I got you, but don't be afraid to ask for help because you can't handle it alone. Yeah. Right? Like it's okay to reach out to your friends, it's okay to reach out to your teachers, um, and find those resources and those people around you who can help get you through that situation.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

Yeah. Um thank you for that. Thank you. Um where would you where do you go now for your inspiration?

SPEAKER_00 35:55

Oh, that's uh good question. Um, well, right now I'm watching the Olympics, which is incredibly inspiring. Um, you know, we're currently watching the Milan Um Cortana Olympics, you know, winter 2026, and you know, seeing the stories like Lindsay Vaughn and you know, understanding what they've been through, you know, they've done a really good job of highlighting um the different athletes and really understanding the adversity that they've gone through. Um, you know, leading up to the Olympics itself, I think there was like a full documentary that they showed about Lindsay Vaughn and the many, many surgeries and crashes that she's had and you know, things she's come back from. And now here she is, you know, competing at the age of 41 and you know, still trying to do it and prove to everyone that she can do it. Um obviously, you know, you may have heard that she crashed 13 seconds into her race, and I thought broke her leg. Broke her, she fractured her tibia. Yeah, which is, you know, incredible because she, I think, strained her ACL only 10 days before, and she was like, oh yeah, that wasn't the problem. I just ran into the gate, fractured my tibia, like, you know, no big deal. But even what she said was all the hard work that she had done to get there was still worth it, you know. But and I believe if she wouldn't have hit that gate, she would have won. She was definitely the fastest on that mountain and had ran done that course more than anyone else.

SPEAKER_01 37:30

Oh, it's incredible.

SPEAKER_00 37:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

When when we look at owning a business and the struggles that go into that.

SPEAKER_02 37:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Uh what would you say to somebody that's specifically a young girl that's looking to potentially start a business?

SPEAKER_00 37:46

Oh goodness. Um, well, uh, if there is someone out there, uh a young woman who wants to start a business, you know, I'd say be confident, be resilient, um, you know, take risks. It is scary. It's absolutely frightening to leave the umbrella of the corporate world where you have insurance and a you know, bi-weekly paycheck and um all the comforts of um, you know, a larger corporation, so to speak. Um, you know, and it I would say it's okay to fail. And and it's on you. It's not like anyone, if you do fail, say you go out and start a business and you you fail, um, you know, it's okay. You can always go back if it doesn't work out for you. But I think those people that um, you know, are willing to try and are willing to fail will have better success than if they're not willing to fail and take those risks.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

I totally agree. You know, one of the things that I I looked at when I had my when I left college, I had job offers to go work on Wall Street or work for a pharmaceutical company or to join this really small startup. And I decided to go to the small startup because I knew that if it failed, I would have a really good story to tell to get into business school.

SPEAKER_02 39:11

There you go.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

And so when I evaluated that risk, I I mitigated the downside with well, if it fails, here's how I would leverage that failure to something else.

SPEAKER_02 39:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:24

And uh that company ended up getting acquired by Symantec for just under $30 million, and it was a huge success. And I made all the mistakes that any 22-year-old with uh a windfall, you know, I bought the sports car and day traded and made all the all the stupid mistakes.

SPEAKER_02 39:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:42

Uh but it was because of that decision to take the risk, even knowing that if it failed, I would still be in a good spot. And I think there's a real art that goes into when you evaluate opportunities and identifying the risks and then defining a failure and then navigating mentally before the failure takes place of what you would do.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

And so I think, you know, and and even sometimes, and we've worked on projects together, and what I'll say is, okay, we have an issue, how big of a mistake or how big of a problem is this? Right. And then, okay, in a nightmare scenario, what does that look like?

SPEAKER_02 40:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

And then what do we do? And then if there's something that happens that that a solution in the middle, well, we've already fought through the worst case scenario and we've defined that outcome.

SPEAKER_02 40:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:37

And then everyone on the team is then able to go and and navigate. And I just think that approach is is uh more useful than leaving the fear surrounding an undefined failure. Right. Right? Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 40:55

Um Yeah, I totally agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 40:58

Yeah. Yeah. I I I I found that that just it just works better.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

Yeah. Well, and especially if everyone you work with, it's like, hey, we're all on the same team. You don't cast blame to anyone else. It's like, hey, how can we work together and you know get past our differences to find the solution?

SPEAKER_01 41:16

One of the fundamentals I think is just last this this week we talked about. I said practice blameless problem solving.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

Yeah, I actually really love that. I wrote that down over next to my computer.

SPEAKER_01 41:26

Sometimes it doesn't matter where the blame is. And you get sidetracked with with pointing and addressing blame, but that actually doesn't solve the problem. It does. So come up with a solution and then after it's all done, sure you can do a post post-mortem, right? Figure it all out and figure out how you you would change things in the future, but let's get the solution first.

SPEAKER_02 41:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

Right? I think in architecture and in construction, um that really matters.

SPEAKER_00 41:53

Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

Yeah. Yeah. What are some of your your most proud architectural projects that you've worked on?

SPEAKER_00 42:00

Um so in a previous life, I did sports architecture and I did a lot of um rec facilities for universities. And one of my first projects that got built was for Utah State University. They have um a campus in Logan, Utah. And I was working with an architect called James Baum, and I was sort of his right-hand man. So really small, nimble team in which he would kind of come up with a concept, and then I would help embellish it and build it in 3D. And then he would build something, and we would kind of go back and forth. Um, and it ended up being a really interesting concept because in Utah, um, especially at this university and this their rec program, they were really fond of the mountains and hiking and being really integrated into nature. And so we ended up designing this building that was like two mountains on each side with the canyon going in between. And so, like as you entered, you're like going under this canyon that's like kind of extruded and jagged, and you go inside, and like the front desk is looked like it was carved out of stone, and you know, it's like edgy, and um, you know, wood is protruding. And then I had drawn a sketch of the two mountains with like a waterfall coming down like through the through the mountain. And so we ended up working with an interior designer to create um the essence of a waterfall essentially. So it like it was a gradient tile that went from light blue to dark blue and actually flowed out into the lobby.

SPEAKER_02 43:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:35

Um, and then I got to help do like an undulating sort of wooden soffit as you walked down this hallway, and then above that was like these chandeliers that kind of crisscross, like shards of ice. Um, and then we would have like these projections. So we had the entire wall mapped with Utah Mountains and the elevation points. Wow. And then I got to work with the CNC company to Do these um, you know, rock outcroppings that all kind of fit into the theme. And then at the end was the pinnacle as a rock climbing um wall that was about 50 feet tall that you would see at the end. And so you so cool. It was really like an incredible project. Um, so I got to work on that for two or three years while at uh 360 architecture in the NHO Cat. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 44:24

Yeah, it's really cool.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

And it's still my favorite project.

SPEAKER_01 44:28

I can see why.

SPEAKER_00 44:29

Right. My second favorite would probably be um Utah State University.

SPEAKER_02 44:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:34

Um, we ended up designing uh an end zone. And I don't know if you've ever looked, some of those a lot of college campuses can't really afford to build a stadium from the ground up, so they build it in pieces. Sure. There'll be a north end zone, and they'll get money for an east side and a west side and then the south end zone. And so they got money for a south end zone, and we ended up combining, you know, the athletic training facility for the football team, um, which is, you know, nutrition, sports science, as well as um premium suites, you know, for the millionaire alumni who want to donate to you know um the university and the clubs, and we created these um two field clubs where there was a tunnel. Um, and we ended up designing the um what is it called? What is this?

SPEAKER_01 45:28

The the uprights, the field goal?

SPEAKER_00 45:31

No, the animal.

SPEAKER_01 45:32

Oh, the longhorns.

SPEAKER_00 45:34

The longhorns, yes. So we actually designed the longhorn into the bowl itself. Oh, cool. Out of um, you know, some sort of orange metal. And so the coach's office were at the top, but we had nitrogen tanks that would spew out gas when the players ran out on the field, like from the snout of the longhorn.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00 45:55

And then on the base, there were um fields where you could sit sort of at a you know bar height level rail where you could watch and drink your beer as the kids are running out onto the playing playing field. Yeah. It was pretty elaborate.

SPEAKER_01 46:09

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 46:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:10

What is your stance on alcohol, especially with the the impact it had on your mother?

SPEAKER_00 46:16

Oh, that's a good question. Um, for a really long time, I would not drink.

SPEAKER_02 46:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:22

Like obviously going to um a college like Tulane. It was definitely a party school being in New Orleans.

SPEAKER_02 46:29

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

Um, it was always very difficult for me. I didn't like to be out of control. I still don't like being out of control. Um, it it kind of I have to be in the right environment with the right people to kind of allow myself to do that. Um, but I've I, you know, I'm not against it. I just think in moderation should be good. Um I've I've always been, I love wine. I love things that like that should be experienced. And I I like think that there's um, you know, history and culture when it comes to like the vines. My uncle had a winery growing up. Um, when it comes to drinking for the sake of drinking, I don't think that's a healthy thing, right? And I also feel like drinking is a social um something that you do with your friends.

SPEAKER_01 47:21

Yeah. Yeah. Surrounding a social lubricant.

SPEAKER_00 47:23

Right. Yeah. I don't really promote drinking by yourself too much unless I don't know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:32

Um what advice would you have? You actually know my daughters.

SPEAKER_00 47:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 47:37

And you've spent some time with it.

SPEAKER_00 47:38

Oh, yeah, they're so great.

SPEAKER_01 47:40

What advice would you have for my kids if they want to start a business?

SPEAKER_00 47:45

Ooh, that's a good question. Um, well, your kids are adorable. They're so smart and so well spoken. Um, if I were to tell them, like, hey, I want to start a business, I would say, you know, make sure that you're well informed. You know, research, do your research, do your homework. If you're you want to make so much money, well, make sure you do your research and do your benchmarks, right? Like find out how much someone else is making, and then see if your skills and the quality of your product is, you know, does it meet that? Is it, does that not, you know, meet that? And how do you get to that level? Um, you know, when I was younger, I always tell kids if they want to do something, like study architecture or become a scientist or doctor, go find somebody and shadow them. Find spend a day with that person and find out if you if that's what you really want to do. Um, when I was a kid, I I shadowed someone in high school named Daryl Hawkins, um, who ended up starting his own firm as well. And I spent a day with him at his architecture firm, and he had clients come in and he would sit and sketch. And I was, I thought he was the coolest person ever. And he told me, Don't become an architect. You'll never make any money. And I was like, Well, I don't care. This is cool. Like, well, who cares about making money? I mean, I'm sure you do all right. You drive a sports car.

SPEAKER_02 49:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:15

Like my brain just didn't understand his comment. Um, I I understand why he said that now, because sure, you can get stuck in a firm. We don't make very much. Uh, but I think if you're ambitious and you you do start your own firm or you become a principal of some kind, yeah, you'll you'll be just fine.

SPEAKER_01 49:35

Yeah. Yeah. Shadow someone, understand the key performance indicators, yeah, build a model.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

Yeah. Um, and just don't be afraid to try.

SPEAKER_01 49:45

Yeah. Don't be afraid to fail.

SPEAKER_00 49:46

It exactly. I think a lot of kids, I really um struggle with social media these days because they think, oh, I can just start a social media account and make a million dollars. And they don't know how it works. No, they don't understand the hard work that it takes to get there.

SPEAKER_01 50:04

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 50:05

Um, and so don't be afraid of hard work.

SPEAKER_01 50:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:10

Um Elizabeth Eli is going to do a triathlon.

SPEAKER_00 50:14

Oh, yes, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 50:15

And she's now training. And so we've got we've thrown her in the pool and Megan has her swimming.

SPEAKER_00 50:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:21

Uh, what advice do you have for young triathletes?

SPEAKER_00 50:24

Um, practice your transitions. I think I did, I did actually talk to her about this one day um outside in the driveway. Um, you know, triathlon, there's a lot going on in triathlon, right? There's a lot, there's a lot of different components. You need a lot of gear. You're going from, you know, swimming to biking to running, and how do you do that? And there's a lot of little things that can save you time. Um, one of the reasons I became one of the fastest people in transition is because I practice it in my head. The night before the race, the weeks leading up to a race, before I go to bed, I will actually imagine myself running out of the water, getting to my, you know, bike location with my towel. I'll practice, okay, putting on the helmet and then glasses. Okay, now we've got to grab the bike. Make sure helmet is shut tight, because you other you can't otherwise they won't let you ride the bike. Um practicing, I do a running mount. I'm sure she's not gonna do that. But practicing getting on the bike, what does that feel like? Are you wearing socks? Right. Do you um if you do wear socks, you know, practice doing that. Um if you're wearing shoes, get those little clips so you don't tie them. Because every single little thing will add seconds, and that will be the difference between, you know, first place and tenth place.

SPEAKER_01 51:52

Do you use visualization in other places in your life?

SPEAKER_00 51:56

Um, yeah, absolutely. Um I've learned that to use it as a powerful tool, especially if I'm nervous, or um to practice, like if I'm gonna come, you know, talk to you, like instead of like rereading my notes, sometimes I can get really nervous. I'll just imagine myself, like, how do I want to feel? I want to feel calm. I want to be um like this is how it's gonna go. This is it's going to be okay. Um, they said they've actually done some studies that practicing doing a sport or even like piano, if you practice it in your your brain, you'll actually do better at the actual thing than you would have if you were just practicing.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

I love it.

SPEAKER_00 52:40

Right.

SPEAKER_01 52:41

Thank you for that.

SPEAKER_00 52:42

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 52:43

Is where can people find you online?

SPEAKER_00 52:45

Um, I am oh, I'm all over the place. Um I'm on Instagram, obviously, Facebook. Um, I have um, you know, my own website for my business. Um, I'm on LinkedIn. I'm very on LinkedIn a lot um since I manage communication. Um, I think that's it. I don't do Twitter. I think Twitter is silly.

unknown 53:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 53:09

Anything else you would like to pass on to either my kids or any of the viewers that might be interested in that, what you're working on?

SPEAKER_00 53:16

Um, you know, don't be afraid to get involved with your community. Um, get out and meet other people. Um, obviously, I do a lot with AI in Missouri and Kansas City. Um, and I'm currently working on an inner city track and community center that will hopefully bring the community get together and running. Um, you know, just make sure that you aren't always with the people that you're with. Like your kids do gymnastics, you know. I don't know, go hang out with some people, girls who play football. Like maybe you'll learn something. Maybe you'll find something new that you didn't know you loved.

SPEAKER_01 53:56

Cross-training.

SPEAKER_00 53:57

Yes, yeah. Don't be afraid to try something new and and put yourself in uncomfortable situations. You know, go volunteer over in a part of town that's not great, because then you'll learn and have more appreciation for what you have.

unknown 54:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:10

And be able to help other people at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 54:12

Wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 54:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:13

Well, thank you so much. We would love to continue these types of conversations. Help us get the word out by sharing this message with someone else that you think might enjoy it. Uh, like, comment, subscribe, tell us what you want to see. Uh thank you for coming on this journey with us, and we appreciate your support.