Life Ni Yangu Naicontrol

Conversations around sex are everywhere, but credible information is not. This episode dives into contraceptives, unintended pregnancy, and the stigma surrounding women’s bodies. Why is responsibility still unequal? And how do myths, shame, and silence keep young people guessing instead of knowing?

Transcript

Disclaimer

SPEAKER_13 0:02

This episode contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some listeners. Listener discretion is advised. Coming up on this episode, Makenna takes to the campus at Egerton University in Nakuru, asking the youth one big question. Who's really responsible for contraception? Men or women? We then tap and revisit raw moments from MTV Sugar Mashariki and Gen Free, where fiction hits close to home. And later, Mushina sits down with Laura, who opens up about being judged for simply taking charge of her own health. Let's get started.

SPEAKER_06 1:04

This is Mushina Malomba.

SPEAKER_04 1:06

And the ever lovely Makada Kahoo! Ever lovely.

SPEAKER_06 1:11

Welcome to get on university.

SPEAKER_04 1:26

Today we were talking about consciousness. Accepted, yes. Like talk about alignment. Because you on your topic level today is the day.

SPEAKER_06 1:44

I'm curious about the conversations you are having.

SPEAKER_04 1:46

Yes, when I woke up very early in the morning today, students who are key melodic. I want to know who is responsible for contraception in this relationship. Now let me tell you, Moshina Uku.

SPEAKER_06 2:11

Were you shocked?

SPEAKER_04 2:12

I I was not shocked. I'm just wondering who is responsible. Because what are you going to say? Responsibility in the Uncle. Now why don't you think that is such a backward way of thinking? I can be a backward or not ski.

SPEAKER_06 2:29

Let's manage the king.

SPEAKER_04 2:53

Who does that responsibility lie with? And they were like, I don't swally. It lies with the man. Why? I am the head of this relationship. It is my responsibility to see the future. Just know I'm the one on the wheel. Okay. In fact, we've taken Jesus out of the wheel. I've taken the whole bus. It is now me in control. I love it. So the girls were like, it is my responsibility because I don't trust this boy. And the boys were like, I'm the man of the house.

SPEAKER_06 3:31

That is amazing because I talked to also a lady uh about contraception and uh condoms and choices. Now she was in a relationship with a guy who Ali feel how condom and a car and come. A lady's viewed like as hyper sexual. Exactly. Wana woman. And in fact, as a man a kibe condom, he looks responsible.

SPEAKER_04 4:03

Oh yeah. Yeah, in fact, it's an attractive thing because like ah, ooh you're making her.

SPEAKER_05 4:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:10

Such tado. But now, when a girl does it, it's literally different. It's heaven and earth. Completely different.

SPEAKER_06 4:17

You are hypersexual. But I'm also wondering why it became a condoms is still embarrassing at this time.

SPEAKER_04 4:23

Leave alone even just talking about it. Condoms are embarrassing. Going to the clinic is embarrassing. Going for an HIV test is embarrassing.

SPEAKER_06 4:32

There's still stigma, right?

SPEAKER_04 4:34

Yes, there is endometrios, but even what one they don't have the right information because the places where they're supposed to get this information and get help wanna pata shame. That's the thing. Instead of health, they go there and they're faced with shame, you know.

SPEAKER_06 4:47

Have you ever tried going to get an uh, let's say, a morning after pill? Ama uh condom. I won't have the experience.

SPEAKER_04 5:01

Wow.

SPEAKER_06 5:02

This is home. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:09

When I was a young girl, nele patana kidnah. You know? Um a date. And this, to be honest, I will say this, I was not taking um I was not making responsible decisions at that time because I found myself in situations where I needed to take the after pay. Yeah. And unfortunately, unfortunately for me and the other person una julikana. Sasa una imagina tembe a panna baby masa. Twelve munengave, um saseni, guy, ma keye. In a maciny menu Scott Simanshot. Next chemist. Kidding. Imagine.

SPEAKER_06 6:48

Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 6:54

Lisa, nihaki quali mushina. But mix, you know. And I can imagine this is just that, you know. So what even what would I have gone through? Cause about I have this fear of being ashamed of being looked at in a different way, you know. And I can imagine that is the exact same way. Ah, to an feeling, especially Kamacheme ni clinic ya shule. See no clinic iko kwa shule, u nasutam wona, maybe uku kuya homa u ku kujae, ame kujua jua. So now una taka ama unataka tu kujua, okay, pep ni nini, pep ni nini, condom zikuje. What are my other nini options in contraception? I just want to know. But unafeel, eh, na kujiangada homa sasasaki niangalatan zaku na having sex. And it's very unfortunate because these are the places that they've been set up for the youth to go get help. But that is not what they're getting there. In fact, they are shying away from these places and going and they're going and they're turning to other places for information. And most of the times, this information is misleading, it is wrong, it is harmful for their health. Yeah. You know, nah, see fair. It is important, let me tell you.

SPEAKER_06 8:21

First of all, I'm glad that you have opened up about that.

SPEAKER_04 8:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, also, also, I had to now do the responsible thing and now use contraception. Oh, yeah. Because the morning after pill is not a solution. Okay. And you can only do that one too many times. Silio. So, yes. Usiquekama Makena? Learn from me. Silio.

SPEAKER_06 8:43

But it's good that you're responsible to even just go for it. Yeah. One of one of the other things is just even like let's say S T I Lizam Twako. Where are you okay? Are you safe? Then you mutuan neonaj.

SPEAKER_04 9:08

It's not about it's not about kukam gonja. It's not that I don't trust you, but uneza kome.

SPEAKER_06 9:14

It is safe for both of us. It is safe for you and you need to protect yourself.

SPEAKER_04 9:24

Oh, you gonja and you can.

SPEAKER_06 9:26

No, that's the thing, you need to protect yourself.

SPEAKER_13 9:32

Everyone's got a take. Let's see what the people have to say.

SPEAKER_04 9:36

In a relationship, who do you think the responsibility of contraception lies with? The boy, the girl, or both?

SPEAKER_11 9:44

Both. Uh, because uh we are in this together, right? So it's about me and you. Okay. So I don't see it fit for the girl to be only responsible.

SPEAKER_07 9:56

I believe uh maybe the boy.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

There's someone that go for girls not for love, but to use them in such a way that does not make sense. Okay. So it is you to protect yourself. Okay. Kamakawa, why is that?

SPEAKER_00 10:16

Junazua boy la zima like uko in charge of everything. Junajua as the head of everything, unanza kujipa kuta mapema.

SPEAKER_15 10:27

We are in this thing together, in a relationship together. So it doesn't have to be all about me.

SPEAKER_04 10:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_15 10:33

Yeah. As much as he's the head, uh, it involves my body, my hormones, my mental health, my everything I can say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Uh I can say it's the boy. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_13 10:45

Why is that?

SPEAKER_01 10:46

You uh we need to be responsible in our relationships. We need to be the head.

Media Clips

SPEAKER_13 10:50

So that's the vibe qua ground. Now check this out. Here's a moment from John to Johnny Johnte.

SPEAKER_08 11:01

John T had the kind of confidence that made you think there was nothing he told him to do.

SPEAKER_09 11:15

I got you on the waiting for no matter.

SPEAKER_08 11:23

He made the world an exciting place to be. We hated condoms, but we hated children even more. So the morning after they came a staple.

Get Help

One on One

SPEAKER_13 11:36

Sour, let's get back into it. Heard anything on this episode that you want to talk about in a safe, private, and judgment-free space? Chat na our Semanami chatbot on WhatsApp. Number Ni 0758-919709. He, Ni Oneon One, take a listen.

SPEAKER_06 12:08

I'm so happy to see you and to be here with you. Uh, today we were talking about contraception choice control, and you did a story for me. I wanted to hear from you.

SPEAKER_02 12:17

Uh so there was this once. Yeah. We agreed we are meeting out. Yes. Uh, it was a date, then it got to Najua Tunile time, Leo Kunakito. So we proceeded home. Then uh fika time, yeah. Content, of course. Yeah. Najua ni nini meokuleta. So uh this guy, oh, okay, he does not have a condom. I produced one and he profiled me like ish. What? And I was like, yeah, it's for security. Like when it's a cosa, it's not Mesa How that's been a hurry. But he said no, he was profiling me in another. Is it a bad thing for me to carry a condom as a lady? Why?

SPEAKER_06 13:14

So that's crazy to say because I've I've always thought, or what I know, is like if we are having sex as the two of us. Yes, the two of us. So if I'm coming to uh we are agreeing to meet, if I don't have the condom, I should expect maybe you'd carry the condom. Yes. Why do you think women are profiled? Like if they get to carry condoms, they're promiscuous or they're hypersexual. Why do you think that happens?

SPEAKER_02 13:39

So society may perceive either they are mostly hypersexual or maybe we might be having multiple people or we're ready for anything anytime. Yeah. So they perceive a condom.

SPEAKER_06 13:53

Sleeping around.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

So that is their perspective.

SPEAKER_06 13:56

But if anything gets to happen, if you get to sleep with this guy and have raw sex, if anything happens, you get STI, you get HIV, or you get pregnant, it's really gonna be on you. Yes. Right? Because he must bail out on me.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

So he must be prepared with a lady particularly.

SPEAKER_06 14:14

Did you have that conversation with him? And I'm curious to know what happened.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 14:23

Did that affect your relationship with him?

SPEAKER_02 14:25

Yeah, of course. Why should he profile na it's uh responsibility for both of us?

SPEAKER_06 14:31

It's a two-way traffic. We are all here because we want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the thing.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

So I actually judge, we're not judging is sort of you sleep around.

SPEAKER_06 14:43

Uh I'm also curious to know, especially when you get to go to a clinic or when you get to go and buy condoms, do you also feel like you get judged by the people like that lady at that clinic or something?

SPEAKER_02 14:55

Okay. Majority we are talking about clinic sizes in Gen Z and Gen Zu to Ngenia. So kipatapale milene na Shangha, eh, then kujoko buy condom. Yeah. So it might be for someone, it might be mine. But of course it's mine.

SPEAKER_06 15:09

Yeah, but they'll still feel like they'll still feel judged in a way. Yeah. How can uh young women create safe spaces for, you know, just themselves so that they can be able to either buy condoms or talk about uh contraception very freely. How do you think that's gonna happen?

SPEAKER_02 15:28

We started uh since when you end up to embrace like it's a normal thing for us to carry condoms in case the other person does not have it.

SPEAKER_06 15:37

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:38

Furthermore, prevention is better than cure. That's true. So we're supposed to since when you stop judging us as women, if I carry a condom, then from there the men can at least judge us.

SPEAKER_06 15:50

Yeah, you're telling me even just earlier how like your friends even just get to listen to this story that you're saying right now. You're sort of afraid even that they might judge you by just listening to this, right? And these are young people, right? Your age, right? Like young people. And you wonder, where does that come from? Like mbona wanonanga, dema kyongelea, anything to do, even let's just not say condoms, but even just anything to do with sex, right? Like um consent, as I'm a woman, I need to uh, you know, a man should ask me if Kamachu have sex or not. Like it usually seems like a woman should just be able to sit down, kulizua, na ekaz de kiny ku kubali. Why did especially here in a kurumono wanawake, young women feel still judge?

SPEAKER_02 16:34

We still go back to gender norms. Yeah, that's the biggest issue right now.

SPEAKER_05 16:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

And cultural beliefs. So if I was raised, I must listen to a man, I must follow this channel. The man is the one supposed to say that's how I was brought up. So, at a thinking capacity in a comuna, the gender norms that we were raised with. That's why we have this profiling a lot.

SPEAKER_06 16:56

Uliacha wanome about the water. But Uli Uta Kamuyubacha, at least you got to educate him. Yes. Yeah, and you took your stand and let him know.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

Yeah, but later on he came and told me, yeah, I saw your idea of carrying the condom is actually better because next time maybe I was in a hiring or something, I was prepared to see risk back.

SPEAKER_06 17:18

To see risk, both of you should be able to carry that responsibility. Yes.

SPEAKER_13 17:33

This is the off-script podcast. Hiya, back to the convo.

SPEAKER_06 17:39

So we want to know uh if you can have a question to the audience. Why is it talking about condoms? STIs, yeah, it's still so embarrassing for so many people.

SPEAKER_05 17:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 17:52

Is this shame? Is this culture? Why is it so hard?

SPEAKER_04 17:57

Is anyone who has ever had like an experience that went to a clinic or a pharmacy to get something or you couldn't even make yourself to go there because Ulko already for me, I think the same thing that you're talking about, I'm totally familiar, but there is a friend.

SPEAKER_12 18:20

I'm talking on behalf of a friend. Who sent a friend?

SPEAKER_06 18:26

The friend is you.

SPEAKER_04 18:28

Tell us about your friend.

SPEAKER_12 18:31

Long story short, the friend Manzaka enakanua, the cheap ones. Nah, relatives wakakatalia. What ship? The after pill. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 18:43

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_12 18:44

Yeah, relatives wakakatalia. So even though Azazi wambalianza safario, uh we know them up to today, but sa se me kuangumu kuwambia.

SPEAKER_04 18:55

Kwambi aje.

SPEAKER_12 18:56

Kuna mwambiaji. Your friendele. Sema tuewe.

SPEAKER_04 19:07

So ahe.

SPEAKER_12 19:08

Your friend amend amended. But I'm letter the bad ones.

SPEAKER_04 19:12

Nik to my friend Yanko.

SPEAKER_12 19:15

Yeah, and for them, haiku kwa juya shame kuju, hawaju. Oh, they don't know about the advice amendia, but I me letter the bad ones, the cheap ones. To say yes, they were the the after pill, but ni cheap ones has in ye work. So relatives wakakata, kakuwa stories upale. But I think why so no they got pregnant actually. Many of the of these things are not taught. In school, you're only taught about condoms. And condoms are not the last alternative. We also have PEP and such, but we have no education even.

SPEAKER_04 19:56

Yeah, but also kume kwana cases of counterfeit the morning after ping. So most of the times they had not been working. I don't know honestly how you can.

SPEAKER_06 20:06

But I'm gonna realize very many men don't know about contraceptive.

SPEAKER_04 20:10

To canza kwa gelile story periods, and even in primary when we are being taught about periods, boys will kwa na tuko funza girls picketos. Boys are free time. Yeah, which was I think they should have been taught as well.

SPEAKER_06 20:30

They're gonna give back to daughters. Yes. Also, if there's a lady who has asked for a condom from a shop and you're comfortable to ask for a condom, I would want to know that.

SPEAKER_14 20:38

Okay. Uh back then in primary, uh, I used to t to study in a school. That time you power pads, boys wangiambo wa wendo wa cheze, ama watape wa tu assignment, kwa doms, and then girls muna baki mki power pads. So when the boys come in a kwa nikama, ah, muna pewa makaratasi zaku valia u kochini, you know. So una feel so ashamed that una demonstrate. Akwanza ya no nankituya kucheka kuz. Mbona mpewe karatasi like how do you work na karatasi ukochini? Pia our parents play a part because most of us took on our parents wa ni gen ex mostly. So unapatahawana your confidence ya sitting with you na wonge lele about contraceptives, about sex. Alafu pia wengi ni religious people, na spiritual people. So ni all about abstinence. But in the process of abstinence, na feeling they don't tell us there is a time that your body itakwana hormones, how do you react when you are horny? Ama what is honiness? Uno na like when I when I create when I create in a kwa ka like at a boom. And then I'd speak of majority of the girls' car. Okay, see you can majority, but some of us how do you most about contraceptives, nasaf contraceptives. Yeah, and I do about the morning feel. Because you only kick to a me kuja campus, na me. Pata to killamtuana to mea the morning pill. Hawange lili is something else that is long term. To prevent to prevent. Na mostly watuha waju that morning pill hita work if you are already ovulating. So itaku badu tapata yoboli ako like, you know. So na sometime back ata ilukwa very hard for me. Ata ninge kwa store ama supermarket na ni patani wanomekashia andam buying a pad. Nita toka kwanza. And then I recollect myself, alafu di kuze, nikani we funga macho, and then una jambia. Ah, maybi atasiango, you know. Like onatraiku jijazile, ah, siatafkiria maybe siyango.

SPEAKER_04 22:40

Una. And I like the way she said. The problem actually is not that we are not talking about contraception. It's basically we are not talking about sexual and reproductive and reproductive health. This thing, it's been like like a taboo. It's been it there is so much shame and silence around it. But we need to demystify that. That's it. If we want to talk about periods here, let's not whisper it at Kosababu. Speak loudly. Because if we're talking about KFC, Mushina singe, whisper to Julie. Speak about it like it's normal. Yeah. So that we stop isoma. Hash, hush, hush, hush. Then it will be normal for me to be like, Nis idea he, this idea here. What do I do when this comes about? What do I do? This let's demystify it in those circles.

SPEAKER_06 23:24

You see, so uh what she said also, it starts with the the parents. Parents, uh, kwakiao, hey, I want a kuna come when it comes like a wow. Like, there's no contraception is not an option it's a good thing. Let me say this. I remember when I was joining high school, I don't think I've ever said this publicly. When I was joining high school, my mother sat me down. I really appreciate my mother for that. But she sat me down and she said, So here you go, you are a because I grew up without a dad. So she sat me down and I'm like, listen, this is a condom, okay?

SPEAKER_05 23:54

And I'm like, mom, please.

SPEAKER_06 23:59

Because if you get to have sex right now, you can get a girl pregnant. Number one, you can get HIV, you can get SDI. So I need you to learn it from me. Yeah. And I've never forgotten because she got all the condom.

SPEAKER_05 24:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:11

And I don't remember what she put it, but she literally taught me how to put on a condom.

SPEAKER_05 24:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:15

Is how you do it.

SPEAKER_05 24:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:16

And if it gets to that, I was feeling quite uncomfortable. Yeah. But I appreciated that so much because I had that close relationship with mom where I could be able to come and say, Oh, yeah, but I sort of messed up somewhere, you know, and she could be able to guide me.

SPEAKER_04 24:28

And she didn't trust like the world will teach you. She didn't leave for anyone else to take that authority and responsibility and teach you something that she was supposed to teach you. So, yes, obviously, let's encourage talking about these things, but to see to ongelele. To the ongele ongelelea contracepted loudly and demystify. That's the only way to tell us a kuliza na kuongia. Don't hush hush. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:55

Thank you so much for watching this episode. Watch, like, subscribe, share, share with your friends.

SPEAKER_04 25:02

Comment, everything. This has been offscript.

SPEAKER_13 25:09

Coming up next on off script.

SPEAKER_12 25:15

And you're reminding me that me and we can are competing because we're both short, huh? That ain't good.

SPEAKER_04 25:20

Why do you want to put gender on games? Like a game is something that is so neutral.

SPEAKER_13 25:32

Off script is brought to you by Sugar Global. Heard anything on this episode that you want to talk about in a safe, private, and judgment free space? Chat Naosema Nami chatbot on WhatsApp. Number Ni 0758 919709.