Home? Hakuna peace

What if the people meant to protect you are the ones holding you back? From child marriage to control masked as care, this episode explores power, boundaries, and the right for young people to say “no” even at home or in school.

Transcript

SPEAKER_14 0:02

This episode contains sensitive content that may be triggering for some listeners. Listener discretion is advised.

SPEAKER_04 0:27

Previously, on off script, I mean, I love you.

SPEAKER_11 0:34

I started just talking to my friends about what I'm going through, and slowly they started opening up.

SPEAKER_14 0:55

Coming up on this episode, McKenna walks through the campus at Juice University asking the question with two very different answers. Who are you at home versus who are you in the streets? We then tab and revisit raw moments from MTV Sugar Mashariki and Gen Free, where fiction hits close to home. And later, Mushina sits down with Gladwell, who opens up about what it means to lose your freedom inside the walls that are supposed to protect you. Let's get started.

SPEAKER_11 1:32

This is All Screams! I'm Mushina Malomba. Welcome to another episode. We are so excited. We're live. And people here what have realized. They're so warm. Now, one of the conversations we were having today, uh, because I sat down with one-on-one with one of the students, actually, Mishina, nime kuja, nime kuja juice, kufanya because I did not even want.

SPEAKER_06 2:04

Oh.

SPEAKER_11 2:05

The parents foster kufanya education. Kama journalist. And I say I've always wanted to be a journalist. Like in my parents are like, uh-uh, my friend. Uta Julipia f is a journalist. No. End of education. And I thought that's so disheartening, manze. Why would parents force kids to do a course they don't want?

SPEAKER_04 2:26

I love utain when you imagine four years. First of all, education is difficult. And then to sit down and do it for something that you don't want.

SPEAKER_06 2:36

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 2:37

It's crazy. It's for students who are really sharp. Now I'm kwa promising tangu wakwe kwanza primary, a lafu high school. The parents have so high hopes for them. Nataniki imagined mzazimwya mem chagulea teaching. Yes. Kama si mwalimu, ni nas. In fact, big area chanzanga kuta kwa mwalimu. Kwa sababu, a teacher was a big deal. So I can imagine if your parent is choosing for you teaching, it's because they have that idea of what teachers used to be. Nasa, zima usome teaching, do ku mualimu.

SPEAKER_11 3:15

Nataku TikToker. Kuna forex. Kuna skia. Kungi. No, just online work. Exactly. Utafos mutuafanyi kitu nya taki. It doesn't make sense to me. Also, one of the things I got from that conversation is that it really affects the person because they end up literally living a life that's not theirs.

SPEAKER_04 3:40

Yeah, it's not them.

SPEAKER_11 3:41

And attack for mamarket degree and patier. Now this lady semaine attack for education degree. Now I start doing it. Journalism.

SPEAKER_04 3:48

And four years is such a long time to put your dreams on hold. To bring your parents' dreams to life, to bring to make your parents' dreams come true. And then now sosa after you on to sessa on the kuem back on your life journey. And actually it's true because even I spoke to some young people, and what I've realized actually, what you've said, it's true. Parents actually have to. Do you know Mimi? Nimonga to num to happen or mena. Mimi ni kuwa kushu letimina kuanga head of the house. Mikirumi nyumbani mimi ni kababa. Mimi ukuna pangangam's chana na grocerieshu lemimi kuguruma to mani meshikili report from Mameno. Is this the same person?

SPEAKER_11 4:40

Do you think we should have boundaries as children? Ambo to Nezambewa Zaziwa to know.

SPEAKER_04 4:46

Let me tell you, Mushina, wazazi wanafar kwaambiwa know five usually.

SPEAKER_11 4:49

I'm telling you. Five usually.

SPEAKER_04 4:54

No, one thing that is the truth. Uh parents, wanna tuna kamama toto and it's very. And it's very difficult for them to give up that control. Yeah. So, freedom, as much as I don't like to say it this way, freedom from parents has to be taken. It's not given. And even as you take your freedom, there's a respectful way to do it.

SPEAKER_06 5:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:15

Since as a mzazi wa, eh, you peo na jobiana za kupega, coffee one and green. Imagine. Mzazi and be no, but I'm be no in a respectful manner.

SPEAKER_11 5:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:33

At the end of the day, I take an upenda kujua, shindavile na jiju. That's true. Yeah, you know what you desire, you know the dreams you want to pursue, you know the kind of life you want to live. And if it does not align with the life that your parents want for you, it's okay to say, listen, mom or dad or whoever is raising you, Sho Sho, I know you love me, but let me take the wheel.

SPEAKER_11 5:57

I want to now ask. How do we set boundaries? Nawaza. How do you tell your parents? No, but in a respectful way.

SPEAKER_14 6:09

Everyone's got a take. Let's see what the people have to say.

SPEAKER_04 6:13

Mildred, Nata Kulisa, Uki kua home, no kikua shule, unakwanga the same person.

SPEAKER_12 6:19

A little bit different. Nikiwa home, but now follow zile rules as it comes. Nikona friends kid dog.

SPEAKER_08 6:41

You know, we're deliver the same.

SPEAKER_15 6:45

Most of the time, I'm friendly my parents, so the norms or how they want me to be has really entered into me. So that is very difficult to change with their friends. So that when I'm in school, I only have two friends, and I also want them to be like me.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Obviously, the setting niko at home. Eh, m totum zuuri mpole, but light skinned kidogo too.

SPEAKER_14 7:09

So that's the vibe qua ground. Now check this out. Here is a moment from Sugar Mashariki.

SPEAKER_05 7:21

I can explain. It's just a cosplay.

SPEAKER_15 7:24

Personally, I love it.

SPEAKER_05 7:27

I am actually joining a uh uh a cosplay from Andraiser Inventor Juni, so I sometimes wonder what's in that head of your head. Wipe it off.

SPEAKER_12 7:40

Don't worry, he doesn't get it.

SPEAKER_05 7:45

He doesn't even try it. Man, the guy hates me.

SPEAKER_14 8:02

Sour, let's get back into it. Heard anything on this episode that you want to talk about in a safe, private, and judgment-free space? Chat na our Semanami chatbot on WhatsApp, number Ni 0758-919709. Hey, Ni one-on-one, take a listen.

SPEAKER_11 8:33

One of the conversations I feel it's very important for us to have is about uh, you know, home being and safe. And that pressure also I think we get from our parents. Of course. Yeah, and this is a story you're telling me earlier.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

I'm a student at this school. Yeah. I mean, currently in my final year, I mean fourth year. Literally, when I was joining campus, I had to do either journalism or law because I had passion. Literally, I was a journalist back in high school, back in primary. I was a very good journalist. But then you find that the parents are telling you that if you want to do your own course, you'll have to pay for your own school fees, you'll have to sort things out, upkeep everything you'll have to do on your own. As much as you're choosing your own course that I'm not okay with it, you'll have to cater for yourself for everything. So I was left with no options rather than just choosing what my parents wanted. So right now you see, here and we finally are doing something that literally didn't have an idea of being a teacher, but of course, yes.

SPEAKER_11 9:28

It's so crazy how that still happens still today. But my mom literally told me, do whatever you want. And I feel like people don't, so many young people don't have that. Like I want those parents who sort of support them in whatever they do. So, how does it feel like just your day-to-day?

SPEAKER_02 9:45

Actually, it feels so bad, but then you just have to do it. Literally, in Kamailea, but you have to fit in. As much as you're trying, it doesn't align with your heart, it doesn't align with your personal belief. Like you need something, but you have no you have no options literally.

SPEAKER_11 10:01

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Yeah, I do with uh my mom.

SPEAKER_11 10:05

Your mom? Yeah. Did you have a conversation with her to just let her know, Mom? I really don't like this course. Did you bring that up?

SPEAKER_02 10:12

I I did. I talked to her, but then she was really reluctant, even in high school. I was forced to go to a school I didn't choose actually. Just because that uh they have uh that that that thing that I'm gonna be, if I go to boarding school and they still need me to be around, they'll fill that gap. And then I was just forced to go to a day school just so that I can get back to home daily.

SPEAKER_11 10:33

Uh, do you feel where you're at in life right now, you'll still want to pursue journalism?

SPEAKER_02 10:38

Yeah, I still want to, especially if I uh if I'm done with this course that I'm doing right now, I can actually get uh to now do my course. Wow. But yeah.

SPEAKER_11 10:47

That's crazy because it's usually like living double lives in a way. Like I want to live my mother's life, I get done with that, and then I'll start living mine.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

Exactly.

SPEAKER_11 10:56

Now that you're talking then about parents, do you feel like sometimes being at home is it safe for you?

SPEAKER_02 11:03

Or personally, home isn't safe for me, and I feel like it's the same thing that happens to most youth, and they just can't communicate or air out how they feel. Home, sometimes home sounds like a prison. For instance, you can't air out something that you're not okay with because it will sound rude to them. That's something boundaries. You can't create your own boundaries, like you're just forced to do what's their what's my their own personal belief, like you want back to flying, even u tafany, and I couldn't do tafanya.

SPEAKER_11 11:29

I've had uh experience before while being at home where my mom experienced like um uh was assaulted by actually my stepdad. And it was crazy because, like, at that moment, you're a child and you feel like you're very helpless, right? And you don't want to be in this home because you just feel like, what am I doing here? These people are always fighting every day, and it just feels quite unsafe. What do we do?

SPEAKER_02 11:55

I I feel like it should be a mutual sharing of vulnerability in a manner that both the parents can air out why you ask them why are you being so reluctant in this? And then I I air out my point of view, like I'm not okay with this and this, and you're forcing me to do this and this, and this is how I feel. So that you come to a mutual agreement at the table, like we figure things out.

SPEAKER_11 12:15

I'm not paying rent in this house. But could I get to agree? You know? And I feel that's that's very, very important.

SPEAKER_02 12:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_11 12:22

Uh when you feel this sort of control from parents, even just mentally tell you, do this, do this. Do you think it affects you in your own body? Do you think it does that?

SPEAKER_02 12:32

Yeah, it literally does affect me a lot because I think all decisions are made on you. Well, a decision wanna make, wanna make you a killer decision, or to kill a point like you don't know how you can approach a tough situation because everything is decided for you. Close to the teacher, uh every work passes through you, every instruction goes through you so that you can deliver them to the fellow students. So you feel like one day I was uh he asked me to go to his office. He was being touchy touchy. But then that's your deputy, that's your deputy principal. You can't say anything. You feel like he's he's up there that authority, but then you're just a kid, you're just a 14-year kid. You don't know how to say, you don't know what to do, you don't know how to approach the situations because even if you go back to back home to tell your parents they won't do anything, literally, they haven't given you that safe space to express yourself.

SPEAKER_11 13:20

Like as a child, when you go and tell like your parent or someone else that I've gone through this, somebody has assaulted me, they sort of say, ah, we're total.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

Exactly.

SPEAKER_11 13:32

They don't believe you when you get to say uh a teacher assaulted you or somebody touched me inappropriately. And I feel like this is the time to have such conversations. Yes. Parents to know and to be aware that things like this can actually happen. Yes. And it doesn't matter which which uh gender. It can be a woman, it can be a man. We just need to be able to listen to what our kids are saying. Yes. I'm really sorry you went through that. I'm so glad we had this conversation with you. Thank you so much, Gladwell.

SPEAKER_14 14:02

Thank you. This is the off script podcast. Hiya, back to the convo.

SPEAKER_04 14:09

Mzazia and no in a respectful manner. Because at the end of the day, attackama mzazia nakupenda. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, you know what you desire, you know the dreams you want to pursue, you know the kind of life you want to live. And if it does not align with the life that your parents want for you, it's okay to say, listen, mom or dad or whoever is raising you, Sho Sho, I know you love me, but hapa, let me take the wheel.

SPEAKER_13 14:42

Okay, mimi saying no. The first time I I said no to my mom, it sounded like a disrespect. But mimi ni sema, it's better it sound evil so that at least kukwena yo boundary. But nili mombiya no, and I explained why I said no. Because my view kwa kito nye tkwatna discuss was different. Niliona what she was telling me wasn't best for me. Jumi Litaka my own way. Ju nil kwani mejaribu ku figure out. Did it work out? Yeah, it worked out. Na, ikatoka, any the result. Ikambia C UC.

SPEAKER_04 15:14

And was she proud of you after that?

SPEAKER_13 15:16

Yeah, she was proud.

SPEAKER_04 15:18

Okay. And how did you feel about yourself?

SPEAKER_13 15:20

I felt good from because from that time, we are discussing about something. If it's a no for me, it's a no. Kama it any effect, then she'll be right.

SPEAKER_04 15:28

Yeah, so it even gave you the confidence to say no even more when you call, and it made her even trust you to make your own decisions for yourself.

SPEAKER_13 15:38

Not actually making my own decision, but we sit down and discuss.

SPEAKER_10 15:43

Okay, for you to say no, sometimes it depends uh with the environment. I'm when you kwa brought up. You know, there is families whereby we were brought up different ways. There is family whereby kunawatwa brought up in a strict way. Na kuna ilenye, people are given that chance ya kuji express. Like for my case, I was brought up in a family whereby naiza ji express, yanindo use me no, you need to explain. But kuale when you wameleo kwa strict family, I can say you need to say no in a hard way, the way you are treated. But inafaume shit, kamo nawana ii no nayo inaiza letanoma. Ebu webu waskize.

SPEAKER_11 16:23

One of the things also that I think a no would really help in this situation is when a parent will tell you things like, oh, we wanna go, ukibazatuvi shule na miakaku shirinane, nataka ni konamutu dakia na wolewe. Ama, you need to marry by this time. You know that how now that confidence of saying no in a come through.

SPEAKER_04 16:42

Konza, one of the things that brings on to ina encourage your early marriage, ni ni kupata first early pregnancy. Yes. Yes. And they said that ukikua mzazi, uezi lala nyumba se mzazi. Wow. So you have to now move out. Move out and then now go get married. Or, mimba.

SPEAKER_11 17:03

So now namzazi munzang.

SPEAKER_04 17:05

Eh, wezi because now you just have to be married. You know, you're in a position where you feel already disadvantaged. At the end of the day, um, having a child is difficult. But also, having a child and being in a marriage you're not ready for is even more difficult. And we're not saying that saying no will ever be easy. Your first no kwanza namzazi na kwangangumusa na mushina. I know you agree. I don't know how you can, but you have to just gather the courage in you because in fact I feel like the best way to gather the courage is to think of the consequences of not setting this boundary.

SPEAKER_11 17:41

And it is important for you to set those boundaries because at the end of it all, you are your own person. Yes. You don't want to be forced by your parent to do a can you imagine doing a course for four years? They don't like. Can you imagine going to marry Ali to someone you don't know just because Mzazi C MSM? And at the end of the day, parent is not necessarily always right. Yeah. When when you're PO you're an adult, you can see no say, hey, Mother Miyapo. Could I video CZC accept, right?

SPEAKER_04 18:04

And more often than not, it comes from a place of love. We know that. Yeah. But consequences, itakwa nizako.

SPEAKER_11 18:11

A line needs to be drawn. How are we going to uh bridge this gap of young people and the parents or the elders? So that kusikue nam vutano sana wake chini wa elewane.

SPEAKER_04 18:23

For me, I would say um part of being understood is listening.

SPEAKER_06 18:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 18:30

If you want to be understood, you also have to be willing to listen. Yes. Yeah? Yes. Because as much as our parents want to exercise this control over our lives, they do know better at the end of the day. They might not be living in our day and age and our exact situations, but they know better. They've lived before us, and their concerns are legit. Cindy, I just want you to be safe. I just want you to have a stable career. I just want you to be, you know, I want the best for you. And then bring out your points clearly. What you want to say, say it clearly. Cindy, make sure they understand that you understand where they are coming from. Tell them, I know, ma'am, this is what you want. I appreciate. I don't disagree, but I would like to take this approach. Sinyo, atta won't see watwayasana, one eza kuskiza. And at the end of the conversation, they might disagree. And now that is your chance to politely but firmly take your stance and say, Dino Baya, but Apa Mali me fika ma'am Mimi ni konahi miaka na ni na ku na omba permission, ni ku politely disobey.

SPEAKER_11 19:40

Mimi, ataka to roleplay. Wellendo mzazi.

SPEAKER_04 19:43

Mimi and mzazi mimi.

SPEAKER_12 19:44

Mimi. And I am a strict parent.

SPEAKER_11 19:48

Mom.

SPEAKER_12 19:49

Hmm.

SPEAKER_11 19:49

Mambo. Mave. Um, nkwantaku Lisa.

SPEAKER_06 19:54

Mm.

SPEAKER_11 19:55

Tulkonaka events uh shoulder.

SPEAKER_04 19:57

Mm.

SPEAKER_11 19:58

In aisha sa sita tu kona cultural nights.

SPEAKER_04 20:01

Tinini so?

SPEAKER_11 20:02

Cultural nights.

SPEAKER_04 20:03

Culture no night?

SPEAKER_11 20:04

Yeah. Tukuna ni mambaya culture to nail culture. Kasha. Mr. and Miss University. So Mr.

SPEAKER_04 20:13

Goja. Umanya bea ni kosha a lavu na niabia, miss and mister and missing ya modering.

SPEAKER_11 20:18

Ido culture yo.

SPEAKER_04 20:19

Kulcha nakumode.

SPEAKER_11 20:21

Sasasindakombiani event, ma'am.

SPEAKER_04 20:23

He's a kufubu and nini sasita ya usiku. Ah, because it'siku.

SPEAKER_11 20:30

Ni toxic lyricali and akam kupa form. Ata u. Toxic lyrikali. Toxic lyrikali.

SPEAKER_04 20:35

Mutu anajita toxic. Donana ku muskiza. Mikuasha na toxic usiku. Ateni.

SPEAKER_11 20:41

Anakam kupa form li kuta kanyonekama zenda funtaru di sasita.

unknown 20:45

Hehe.

SPEAKER_04 20:45

Mam sulkuna kuwa. Baja kwaja. Mimi nibaja nini.

SPEAKER_11 20:50

So lipa sana na badiku kita.

SPEAKER_04 20:53

Nili kwa muto wapi. Nili kwa muto wapi. Una saka ku rundisasita kuanani.

SPEAKER_11 20:58

Misa ni mtumzima man.

SPEAKER_04 21:00

Mutumzima kwana kwake.

SPEAKER_11 21:14

You know, what we try to do is like just showing how difficult it is like approaching parents. Or anyway, see parent like it was like when it's crazy, and I think it will be more better if there's a cook one understanding with our parents.

SPEAKER_04 21:29

Listen to your children. Yeah, let's put those boundaries in the politest way possible. But also, as you endeavor to take control over your life, just know it comes with a lot of responsibilities.

SPEAKER_11 21:41

Thank you so much for this episode. It was an absolute pleasure. This is off script.

SPEAKER_07 21:54

Coming up next on Offscript. The best cause of action ni watu onge, and then to a chari debate who is more. Empowered than who. At the end of the day, it's not a competition. It's about creating equal spaces.

SPEAKER_11 22:14

I think we should find ways how we can be able to let boys communicate. I don't know how, but we need boys to talk more.

SPEAKER_14 22:36

Heard anything on this episode that you want to talk about in a safe, private, and judgment free space? Chat naosema Nami chatbot on WhatsApp. Number Ni 0758 919709.