Our First Phones, Mom Guilt, and Why Digital Parenting Is Hard

Jordan and Yassi are back, and this time they almost get to the quiz. 

In Episode 2, the hosts take a trip down memory lane to their first phones (Nokia bricks, Razors, and dial-up internet included), before diving into the real question: what kind of digital parent are you, actually? Are you setting firm boundaries and testing every app first? Or are you figuring it out as you go, one tablet negotiation at a time?

From neuroscience and screen time guilt to snack stashes and restaurant standoffs, this episode is equal parts relatable and genuinely useful. The quiz is coming. We promise.

New episodes every Wednesday. Follow Moms Off Mute on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Mom's off mute. We are back. I hope you enjoyed and gave us grace for our first episode ever. Just turn the volume up. It's not that bad. It gets better, remember? Just I promise it gets better. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

This one's not that great, but I mean again. It gets better.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Episode three. Episode two, we kept hitting the table, which was hitting the mic. Learning, learning curve. Yes. We also did not, we we didn't get to the quiz. We we didn't. We talked about a quiz the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

It was the preface to the quiz.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

It's fine. It's fine. Enjoy mom's off mute, episode two. Again, give us grace. Listen all the way through.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

I mean, it really is like how us moms are in the regular day when talking. Like you have a topic, and then five other topics come in the way. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

To-do lists are trash because we got the list, but like somebody five more things on too lists. Yes, and they have to let us actually do the list. And then we have to reprioritize based on everybody else. This is an episode five. So join us. Yes. Enjoy episode two, everyone. Okay, good morning. Welcome to episode demo two. I am Jordan. This is Yassi. And we are here still trying to figure out our podcast name. But in the meantime, Yass, how old were you when you got your first phone?

SPEAKER_02 1:31

It was a Nokia brick phone, the blue and white one. Old school. Yeah, I love that. You're 15 years old. I didn't know about texting at the time and how much it cost. And back then it was like 25 cents or something like that. They did. God, I racked up such a bill.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

I did not because I was told I couldn't. So I was worried about the consequences.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

I didn't know who was texting.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Who were you texting at 15? It was probably like LOL send 25 cents. So did people have like your friends? Did everyone have like a phone? Was that the motivation? Or it was just like you needed one?

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Yeah, no, there was no motivation because of my friends having phones. It was my parents got a family plan. And so we all had the same kind of phones. So they're like, okay, just for safety, have it. It wasn't really, you know, peer pressure based.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

So how old was your sibling then?

SPEAKER_02 2:25

Oh man, that's a very good question. I'm so I'm 13 years older than my brother. And I actually don't remember. I should really ask. He was probably like 12 or 13, I guess. My guess is.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

My sister is 13 years older than me. So we probably got phones around the same time. Because like how old were you? I want to say I was in seventh grade. And there wasn't really a need. It was just, I think at the time, like everyone was getting phones. And I think it was like, ooh, you got a computer. Yeah. You're using AOL, AIM. Oh god, I missed those things. Wow. Another episode. Yes. And then that door opening, door closing in the chat room. Using dialogue.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Oh my gosh. CSL. Waiting 20 minutes to use the internet. And then the phone line is completely missed because you're online.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

And then you have the parents who can afford it getting two separate legs. Or the old school ones who have three separate lines because they needed a fax. They needed the dial up, and then they needed the phone.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

My goodness.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

What a leg.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

We should talk about screen time for the older boomers, man. Because that's a lot. You all get new lines in the house because you need to stay connected.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

What that must have been like.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

Exactly. Seventh grade was me. I had my first phone was definitely blue. It was a flip phone, but I'm trying to remember what it was. Remember the razors? Yes. I wanted one so bad, and my mom got one but didn't get me one. And I was like, oh, I want to feel cool. But I got one that had the speaker on top. Oh. So I was still kind of cool for middle school because you could like close the phone and not have to pull the antenna up. So I could have a conversation just by having the phone closed. I I mean I was fancy.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

But back to texting, you would have to do the, I think it's the QWERTY keyboard, is what they call it, where you have to hit the number like three times or four times to get to your letter. We got like became professionals.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

I mean, the carpal tunnel is real for us at this age because of those early keyboards.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

But you were so fast, you could text no problem. It's not like nowadays, like on an Apple or you know, a screen keyboard. You kind of have to look. I mean, some people are still pretty good at not looking.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

You can talk to it. That too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:53

That too.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

We have gone beyond our years. But that was a time.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Fun time. So today, let's entertain ourselves. I love it. You know how there's like a quiz that highly engaged parents use. I won't say all parents. To find out what kind of parenting personality they are, like authoritative, helicopter, yada yada. Or if you're just curious, you want to know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:17

You know, you're like, where am I at?

SPEAKER_01 5:19

I haven't been curious, but I'm curious about what kind of digital parents I am.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

I never thought to check this, so I'm glad you brought this quiz up.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

I mean, it's just something that I randomly thought about because I was very lax about screens at very early on. I was like, I just didn't care. And then working here, I'm like, huh.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

Maybe I should care.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

You know, yeah, maybe my one-year-old shouldn't have an iPad. But like, why shouldn't he have one? Like, all of these things make sense. But it's like you think of it as like a toy, and he's also one. So what is he what could he possibly get into on an iPad? Well, you find out very quickly that these kids can get into anything.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

For me, from my perspective, I study neuroscience in undergrad. So I really study, you know. Like, what you know, what are you being? But you study the effects that these devices have on the brain, especially a growing brain, and the plasticity that it builds or prevents, or the addiction that you build. And so that's something that I always kept in the forefront of my mind is like, am I overstimulating my child? So let's find out what we've been doing.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

How are we doing it? I feel like we have to change the direction of the entire podcast now. We have a neuroscientist or an aspiring neuroscientist. Not aspiring, God knows. That just happens to know all the information. I do not. I went to business school. That's that's my contribution.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

Um, you've got a lot to say about that though.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

As a mom, yeah, run experience. Run your house like you would run a business. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

But a loving business. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

There you go. Loving and nurturing business. Thank you for taking those words because I was like, huh, let's think about non-toxic work environment. But we'll see. Um, okay, so I had AI put together a quiz for us because why not use AI when we're talking about digital parenting? So I'll let you go first and I will ask you these questions and we'll see. Okay. But first, what digital parent do you think you are? Even if you put a word to it, maybe like describe an example. Are you hands-on and you learn with him? Do you let him try it out first and decide whether it's like, oh, okay, he has questions, or are you like, hey, you can only have this for 10 minutes, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Like, so that's a very good question. I had to think that through for a hot second. I definitely have safety boundaries, and that's also my parenting style. I have boundaries, healthy boundaries that he knows that he can be able to, you know, explore life in without getting into too much trouble. And I also feel like he's safe in what he's doing as well. So, with that being said, I know the programs he's watching, and he is thank god I have such an angel boy that he listens and doesn't like challenge that, you know? God bless you. I mean, thank goodness for that. And then the apps. I also have apps that I've tested, reviewed, and just looked at and with him, also played with him and approved as well. And so we stick with that, and that's it. And we have the time limits, of course. We don't have unlimited screen time unless there's a road trip or we're traveling by plane. Any travel, he has unlimited because let's be honest, no one's going to be sitting in a car just looking out into space, right? Why not? That's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

It's my favorite game.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

I'll let him scream. Wow, okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

It's all up. Six-hour car drive? I listen, no, you have met my husband. Where are we going for six hours in my car? Well, we do this like almost every month. So I'm so proud of you. I it's I'd be lucky to get in the car for two hours. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

Six hours. For six hours, I'm gonna go crazy. I need time to close my eyes and chill. So if my son wants to play or do whatever within again, those healthy boundaries, I'm okay with that. But then he knows when we reach our destination, limits back on. That's amazing. We need to go to playing outside, engaging with one another, drawing, all of that, and he's good with that, thankfully. So, yeah, does that answer the question? I feel like it was a long answer. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

I I could learn a lot from you because I think I try and limit their exposure to things, but not from like an authoritative way. Yeah, it's just it's too much to actively engage with kids that are into dinosaurs, wizards, candy, uh, drawing, painting. I mean, there's so much for them to consume at every stage of life. And there's two of them. Absolutely. And it's like I could be a little less hands-on and just let them figure it out and come to me and be like, hey, this is what I learned. It's like, that's great. But it's like, I don't want to do that. I have the time to engage with them. So exposing them to more things on a tablet. Um, it's a lot to try and keep up with he wants to read this book on this iPad. She doesn't want the iPad time. She wants, uh, I keep saying iPad. It's a tablet. So sorry for the product people on who are listening to this.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

Oh, we're so used to saying iPad. Yes. Great marketing. I know, right?

SPEAKER_01 10:51

It turned it into their own tablets. Both were gifted. I did not buy my kids' tablets, which is a whole nother thing, right? And then figuring out like what kind of hands-on parenting I want to do with this. Right. For a while, my youngest was only using her tablet when for potty training. She knew that, oh, I'm going to the potty. I get to play this bubble pop.

SPEAKER_02 11:19

Encourages them to sit down on the potty. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

And she potty trained very quickly, but I cannot attribute that to the tablet wholly because you have met my daughter. She is perfection in a bottle for herself, you know. Literally, Mini U. Thank you. I love that. That is very sweet. Um, she has leaps and bounds past where I was, but she is definitely uh Miss Perfection.

SPEAKER_02 11:46

Uh, you know, future press, I'm telling you, man.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Listen, small countries. I would not be surprised. She did tell me she would rather be a princess than have a job.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

Oh, I remember this. She's like, I don't want to work.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

She looked at me for her. You work too much.

SPEAKER_02 12:02

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

She's no these young girls understand. They're like, why would I do that? We're gonna have to work on that. Anywho's. Um, so now I mean they don't ask for the tablet, which is nice, but we're also not constantly in environments where like they're in a six-hour car ride or we're traveling that often. So when we are traveling, we've brought them, but we engage with them so much that then they want us to engage with them on their tablet unless we're playing a movie. Oh, that's and it's like, do I want them to watch a movie right now, or do I actually want them to uh read? Do I want them to play? So it's a balance. I don't think I have decided what kind of digital parent I'm going to.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

It's hard to label.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

It's really hard to label. I will say this: like, even with our six-hour car rides or any kind of traveling that we do, I always, I mean, as a mom, we're always on the hunt to find the next best activity for our kids that does not involve screen time. So I've got a slew of things that are available. So that six-hour car ride, I'm using that as an example because that's what we started with. It's like, it's not just screen time the whole time, but like we have a bunch of different activities that we can pick from and use. And of course, we take his little bicycle with that with us so when we stop, he can, you know, get some physical activity in or maybe chase his dad around. That's fun. Yeah. So, you know, we try to keep him engaged. You're doing your best. As best as possible. I'm proud of you. With the snacks.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Yeah, all the snacks. All the snacks. I was a Cheerios kid. Yeah. In church. Love Cheerios. And like meetings my mom was going to hey, grab some Cheerios. Cheerios in a book. And honey nut cherries were always a treat. Yes. Because they were sweet. Yes. Oh my gosh. Good time. What a time. No, I think the biggest thing for me is really trying to not use the tablet as like the crutch. Yes. Yeah, totally. Or the last resort. Yeah. Right. Like, I want to get to a point where they are using it in a habit that is healthy. Absolutely. Of like as we're supposed to use AI, right? Like, we're not supposed to use AI to do our work. We're supposed to let it amplify and scale the work that we are already doing.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

So reading multiple books on their tablet. Yeah. Or practicing writing and stuff like that. Things like that. Rather than saying, I don't want to deal with this anymore, take the iPad or the tablet, or I have to do some laundry, do something else, sit in front of the screen. You know? Um, my niece brought up to me yesterday that there's on YouTube, just dance just has videos that like obviously you can't like show that you're doing the dance because there's no we or anything connected to it. There's kids that just like to look at the screen and dance with it, whether it's connected or not. They're toddlers, they don't care. So I'm like, that could be a fun thing for them to do without making it like this big deal about oh my gosh, it's too much screen time. I was like, no, that's connection in a different way. Absolutely. And we know that reading is better for everyone's mental health. Yeah. So let's make sure that I'm pushing them towards that, but also let's push somebody to do some research on all of the screen time. Like, does everybody need these blue light glasses?

SPEAKER_02 15:33

Oh no, girl.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Because one day, if I'm miraculously healed and have beautiful eyesight again, I'm still gonna put something on my face because I need the blue light protection. It's too much.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

It can be overwhelming. I totally agree. But like back to bringing the tablet in as like a last resort, and I gotta tell you, I have to share this. Like, I feel immense guilt sometimes when we go to a restaurant as a family, and the first thing my son asks is, Mommy, can I use your phone or tablet or whatever to play or to watch a show? And I'm like, Oh god. Because why is it always on me, the mom, to think of activities for this kid? Because you are you are you're doing it, and he's my husband and he's watching you.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Why isn't my kids? Listen, I had drives me insane. It was eight people, adults in my house, and that were playing with them, hanging out with them. Anytime they needed a break and they needed something, they would bypass the adult that they were actually engaging with, their father, both grandmas, where's mommy? Oh my god, where's mommy? And it's like finally somebody says, What do you need your mama for? And you know, I'm gonna censor my children, but it was uh more of a smarter response than it should have been from a three-year-old to an adult, but that's fine. Like, uh, mind your business, it's my mother. Uh, you know, what do you need my mama for? You're emphasizing that it's my mom.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

So I'm like, buddy, low, we're not gonna get on the tablet right now. We're not gonna do eating, let's talk. We're at the meal time together, we're at the table together. So it's like trying to reel that in. At the same time, I'm like, man, but I just want us to have a quiet moment. And so eventually I end up caving and giving him the tablet, and I hate it so much.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

You gotta stop putting that guilt on yourself. If I what the last demo we talked about you not having like mom shaming, I'm not allowing mom guilt. Yeah, you gotta leave that in the physical parenting world on the digital parenting side of things. Yeah, there is no guilt. Okay. Sometimes the tablet is needed. Sometimes. Sometimes you just want to take a nap in the closet and not be disturbed.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

That's so true.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

Not that it's me, but I'm not gonna judge if someone wants to take a nap in their closet.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

Shout out to all the moms that know what I'm talking about. You got a little cozy corner in that closet. Yes. Like, why is there a pillow on the floor of your closet? Mind your business. Don't you worry about it.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

This is just a spot. Why is there a light there? A book? Do you have a stash of snacks hidden somewhere in your life? I've got some of the snacks. Oh they had tried to find my snack stash.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

They found it once. Girl, you're not hiding it, girls. They found it once. We need to do that. Last Easter they were behind the sofa eating my peeps.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

They found my Swedish guummies. No.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

I was so good to live in.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

You know, they changed the recipe because it's it had that dye in it that family.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

No, no, specifically from Sweden. Yeah, I'm the bougie. Oh, so it wasn't the uh the Swedish fish that you get from 7-Eleven.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

You are bougie and you get your candy from a different candy of the US. You know, we are very diverse podcasts, and not everybody can relate to needing their candy being shipped from over. It's so bad.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

It's so bad.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

We're at 20 minutes and we did not get to the quiz.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

So maybe we'll do it on the next episode. But I had so much fun. Prequel to the next episode that we'll get to a quiz. Girl. What are your favorite snacks while your kids are watching Screen Time, you know?

SPEAKER_01 19:37

Oh my gosh. Uh, all right. Well, to find out um more tools, tips, resources, and just see really smart people doing really incredible work in the digital safety space, please join us at posi.org. Thank you all for listening. I'm Jordan.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

I'm Yassi. Catch you on part two.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

Bye. Bye. This podcast is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice, including medical, mental health, or legal guidance. The views expressed by hosts and or guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the Family Online Safety Institute, otherwise known as FOSI. Guest contributions are based on personal experience and are not intended as professional guidance. Any mention of products, services, organizations, or tools is for discussion purposes only and does not constitute an endorsement by the Family Online Safety Institute.