You're stuck BETWEEN two versions of you... here's why

You are not broken.
You are not behind.
You are between versions of yourself.

There is a phase in every real identity shift where the old you has started to die… but the new you has not fully formed yet. That space feels like chaos, confusion, emptiness, brain fog, and internal tension but according to this script, that is not failure. It is transition.

In this episode, I break down what actually happens when you feel stuck between the person you’ve been and the person you’re becoming.

Most people think identity is fixed.
They think personality is permanent.
They think feeling lost means something is wrong.

But identity is not fixed.

Identity is a dynamic operating system.
It updates. It evolves. It sheds old versions and builds new ones. And every real transformation moves through a process not instantly, but through stages.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why the middle between identities feels like chaos
Why emptiness is not a void, but a clearing
Why most people get trapped trying to live in two identities at once
The 3 stages of identity transition: Dissolution, Disorientation, Reformation
How to recognize when your old operating system is expiring
What to do when old habits, goals, and environments stop feeling aligned
Why confusion is often a sign that your identity is upgrading
How to move through transition without running back to the old version of you

One of the deepest ideas in this script is that the transition itself is not the problem your response to it is. Most people panic in the middle. They interpret disorientation as failure. They retreat into the familiar. But the deeper truth is that the “void” is often your subconscious restructuring your operating system, recalibrating your emotional patterns, and expanding your perception of what’s possible.

This episode also walks through the key trap:

trying to live in both identities at once.

Old identity during the week.
New identity on the weekends.
Dreaming big… while still defending the past.

That internal tug-of-war creates exhaustion, self-doubt, and the feeling that nothing is changing. As the script says:

Two identities, one body = internal war.

This lecture is for anyone who feels like:

their old life no longer fits
their old goals feel hollow
success feels empty
their routines feel like a cage
they are restless, confused, or emotionally disoriented
they can sense a bigger version of themselves emerging, but can’t fully see it yet

The deeper message of this episode is simple:

You are not breaking down.
You are transitioning.

And once you understand the stages, you stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?”
You start asking, “What’s upgrading in me?”

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Every time that you outgrow an identity, there's a moment where the old you is gone, but the new you hasn't fully arrived yet. And that space, that middle, feels like chaos, it feels like confusion, it feels like something is wrong with you, but nothing is wrong with you. You're not stuck, you're not broken, you're not behind. You're in this space between two versions of yourself. So it's the you, and in the space is where you're currently at, which gets you to your new you. And today I'm gonna show you exactly what's going on inside of you, why it feels the way it does, and how to move through it instead of getting trapped in it. So here's the thing: your identity is not a fixed state. Okay, it's not a fixed type of individual that you are, it's something that you are constantly upgrading and changing. Okay, it's a dynamic operating system. Okay, so you're always upgrading your identity whether you realize it or not. And here's the thing: you can be upgrading it, but you can also be downgrading it. More often than not, what's the case is it's the same, you're keeping it the same, and you're not letting it grow and expand. But it's always a very dynamic thing, it's never a fixed identity. Here's what most people were never taught: they think that identity is a thing, something solid. Like you're born with the personality, a set of traits, a fixed set of capabilities, and that's just who you are forever. But that's not how it works. Your identity is a living system, it updates. So let's draw a line here, okay? Let's draw a first dot here. Because your identity is something that is constantly evolving, it's shedding old versions and bringing on new ones, and you've already done this multiple times in your life. Just think about all those different times that you have outgrown your past version of yourself. You've reached new identity levels, right? Think back to when you were 16. So, pray here, you're 16 years old. Think about the things that you cared about, the people that you cared about, the people that you hung around, the things that you did, the things that you saw as important, the way that you saw the world. If you think about it, that person is almost unrecognizable to you right now. And then let's move to the next thought. So now you're 22 years old. Now think about what your views and your perspectives were when you were 22. Completely different again, right? Different perspectives, different views, different values, different priorities. A completely different version of you from when you were 16. And each one of these different transition points, there was a moment when the old version of you started dying and the new one hadn't formed yet. You just didn't have language for what was happening. You probably called it a rough patch or a quarter life crisis or something along the lines of, I don't know what's going on with me. Nothing was wrong. It's just that your operating system was updating, and updates, real ones, they feel super uncomfortable. You're always evolving. You just only notice when you're in the uncomfortable middle. That's where you are right now, and that's exactly where you're supposed to be. You see, all these different years, and you may be 30 or 40 or 25, all these different years, right? 22, 25. Okay, then you go over here, 35. All of these different timelines here in terms of your age, you have gone through different versions of yourself, whether you realize it or not, right? And so it's important to realize and understand your identity is never something that is static, it's always evolving, it's always updating to that next version of yourself, and this is why being in that middle state, that middle place where you're right in between both versions of yourself is always chaotic. So let's break this down. So let's draw a little box here. So you have on one side your old self, okay, on the other side you have your new self, and then when things are familiar, okay, your new self starts to see things that are unknown and it's scary and it's different, it's out of the ordinary, and so you're kind of like in limbo, right? But it's necessary, and then you're comfortable with your current self, right? Your old self. And then with the new self, you're uncertain because you don't know what's going on, it's different, it's unique, right? It's like you're going into a new city, you're meeting new different people that you have never met before. The environment's different, right? But it's not necessarily a bad thing, right? It's getting you out of your comfort zone, and then with the old self, it's safe, it's very nice and warm and cozy, but then the new self is expansive, right? Just think about yourself being like in a small little box. Like, let's just go to safe right here and put a little tiny box here, okay. This is where your old self is in, okay. And your new self is expansive, like this box is now massive. So let's go here. So now you have a massive box, okay, that you have expanded to, right? Because before you were just here. This is what you knew, okay. This is all you knew, and then now your new self has expanded your horizons and expanded your new identity so that you can see new perspectives, you can become more than what you initially thought, right? Because you're always going through this process whether you realize it or not. So here's what's actually happening when you're in between versions of yourself. Your old self, the old identity that you've been running for months, for years, is starting to break down. Those habits that used to work, they now feel empty. The goals that you used to chase, they feel hollow. The people that you used to align with, something just feels off. And the routines that kept you going now feel like a cage. That's not depression, that's not laziness, that's not regression. That's your internal operating system telling you that the old version is expired. But here's the problem: the new version of you isn't fully installed yet. You can feel it trying to emerge, new desires showing up, new standards forming, a quiet voice saying there's something bigger here, but it's not clear, it's not solid, you can't see it yet. So you're in no man's land. The old you feels wrong, the new you feels unclear, and the middle feels like chaos. But the thing here to ultimately keep in mind is that you're just clearing space. And it's super important here because that emptiness that you feel, that confusion, that whole I don't know who I am anymore, it's not a void, it's a clearing. Your system is making room for the next version, but you have to understand what's happening, otherwise, you're going to panic and you're going to end up going backwards. And this is where most people get trapped, not in the transition itself, but in the response to it. Let me give you an example. So let's say that somebody starts waking up to the idea that they're meant for more. They start consuming personal growth content, they feel that a new identity is starting to form, someone who's more disciplined, more intentional, more aligned. And so they start getting excited. They start journaling about it and they start making moves. But then Monday morning comes and they go back to the same job, the same friend group, the same habits. And the old identity kicks right back in and says, Who are you to think different? You've tried this before and it didn't work. You remember the last time you tried? So, what do they do? What ends up happening here is that they start to live both identities at once, simultaneously. Monday through Friday, it's the old version of them. They're going to work, they're hanging around with the same type of people, same old habits, keeping the peace, right? Doing things that are familiar. And then Saturday and Sunday comes and it's the new version of them. Watching videos, journaling, dreaming and thinking big. And then they wonder why they feel like they're being torn apart. Here's what's going on. You see, you can't build the new version of you while you're defending the old one. That's not a transition, that's a tug of war. You're trying to pull your identity in two different directions. And the one that's most familiar always is going to win because that's what has the most power, the most pull. So there's this constant internal battle that's going on where one version wants to stay the same, wants to be safe, wants to be familiar, not have uncertainty, and the other one wants to expand, wants to go out of their comfort zone and become that future better version of themselves. But there's that internal friction that happens, and that's what creates that exhausting feeling. That feeling that I'm doing all the right things, but nothing's changing feeling. It's because you actually haven't left your old identity. You're just visiting this new one on the weekends, on a temporary basis. Real transformation requires letting go, letting go of that old version of you. And letting go is the hardest part. I get it, I understand it. I've been through this myself many times. I go through this like on a consistent annual basis, reinventing myself, letting go of that old version of me. And the reason why it's the hardest is because, as I mentioned previously, it's what's most familiar, it's what feels safe, what feels like a warm container because it's familiar. And when you want to step outside of that, there's a lot of chaos, there's a lot of friction, there's a lot of uncertainty, and that old identity is trying to protect itself, protect you, because it wants to continue to live as well and exist. But in order for this new version of you to take over and to exist, this old one must dissolve. Okay, so now what I want to go into is the three stages of identity transition. So let's go ahead and erase the board here. Number two, disorientation. Number three, reformation. Okay, so here's the framework, and we're gonna go into each one of these individually. Every identity transition, a real identity transition, moves through these three stages, okay? The dissolution, the disorientation, and the reformation of that new identity. And once you understand these, you'll stop panicking when the middle gets uncomfortable because you'll know where you are in the process. Okay, so let's go over the first one here: the dissolution. This is where the old self is breaking apart. Okay. Now, let me give you an example of this. So let's say that you have been working at your job in a corporate career for five years. You've been really good at it, and you've built an identity around that. That I'm professional, I'm reliable, and I'm successful by societal standards. And your whole social circle knows you as that person. Your friends, your family, your parents, they're all proud of you, and your LinkedIn looks great. But here's the thing something in you shifted six months ago. You started to feel restless. The work that used to excite you started to feel meaningless. You're sitting in meetings and you're thinking to yourself, what am I even doing here? And you achieved the goals, the promotion, the raise, but then you still feel like something's missing. That excitement, that energy is just gone. It's no longer there. In your morning routine where you used to get up in the morning and have a nice coffee and maybe a protein shake, maybe a nice breakfast, all of that now feels robotic. And your friends, the ones that you're going out every Friday and having a happy hour drink, you start noticing that their conversations feel and seem very surface level, and you can't really explain it. You just feel it, it just feels different. This is dissolution. The old identity is dying, not because something went wrong, but because you've outgrown it. The operating system that's been running your life for five years, it's reached its capacity, it can't take you where you need to go next. This is where your old habits stop working. So old habits stop working. Your old goals feel hollow. Okay. Without clear direction. But it feels empty. Right? Old habits stop working, old goals feel hollow. Everything that you have previously accomplished, you're like, man, like, is that it? Like, this is just like whatever now, right? Before it used to excite you, get you all fired up, but then you realize that it's just like, man, this is old news. This is like, is this it? Like, there's gotta be more, and that's where you are currently in that middle stage, in that limbo stage, where you know something's coming, something's on the horizon, and your old identity is starting to dissolve. And if you're experiencing this right now, congratulations! This is not regression, this is the death of an outdated version of you, and it has to die in order for the next one to emerge. What do you do in this stage? How do we apply this? How do we use this practically? This is where you get very specific, and you name what is dying. Okay, very important there. You want to get super clear and specific in terms of what is dying, what does that look like? You don't want to be vague and just be like, I just feel off, I don't know what's going on, something's going on with within me, and I just can't put my finger on it. What you want to say instead is that version of me, that version that needed that external validation in order to feel worthy, that's what's dying. That version of me that defines success by a salary, that's dissolving. That version of me that kept the peace to avoid conflict, that's ending. And when you can name it, you stop fearing it. That's where you stop trying to resuscitate something that was meant to naturally expire. You let the dissolution happen because you can't move to a new level while carrying the old self with you. Okay, so let's go to number two. Stage two is where you are in the disorientation. So this here is the void, okay? And this is where most people start to panic here, is because it's unfamiliar. It's where most people quit their transformation and run back to their old identity, even though it wasn't what they wanted, or even though it was just like making their life difficult because they're now thinking from a different level from a higher perspective, but they go back to it because it's what's familiar. So let's go back to our example. So you've accepted that the corporate identity version of you is dying. Maybe you've even started to take some action. You know, perhaps you signed up for a new course to learn a new different skill, started building something on the side like a side hustle, and maybe even told a few different people about your vision. But now nothing is landing. The new business idea doesn't feel clear. The course that you're going through feels overwhelming. Your creative output is inconsistent. Some days you feel like you're deep into work and you're having massive breakthroughs, but then other days you can't even do anything because you feel overwhelmed or you feel stuck, or maybe you just want to just kind of procrastinate, right? It's something where it's very hot and cold. It's not anything where it's consistently producing a certain outcome or result. Your motivation comes and goes in waves. You question everything and ask yourself, hmm, am I making a mistake here? What if I'm not cut out for this? Then you start looking at your old life and you think to yourself, hmm, at least I knew who I was. And then you look at the future and you say, I don't really know where that is. I have no idea what I'm doing. This is the void. This is the space between identities. And here's what's actually happening inside your brain. Your subconscious mind is rewiring your internal operating system. Your beliefs are restructuring, your emotional patterns are recalibrating, your perception of what's possible is expanding, and that process is messy. Believe me, I understand this. I've been through this many times, and as I mentioned before, I go through this exact process on an annual basis myself. So I understand and I know how it feels. It feels disorientating, it feels like you're lost, like you just don't know what's going on. Should I go back? Should I keep what's familiar? Or should I question everything or just take on this new full identity? And for me, because I've gone through this so many times, I'm really able to understand the whole process and acknowledge where I'm at. I don't typically get frustrated when I know that I'm in that void, right? I understand it what it is, but doesn't mean that I'm not going to get frustrated every so often in terms of like, man, what's going on here? Like, you know, today's off, right? And keep it in mind when you are able to understand that this process happens all the time to you. Yes, you're gonna be human and you're gonna react, but it's more important to understand that this is an infrastructure, this is architecture that's happening, right? There's a structural process that you're naturally going to go through so that those times where you do feel off, you're like, Man, what is going on today? I just don't feel it. I am off. Acknowledge it, accept it. You're not supposed to feel good, great, amazing all the time, right? That would defeat the purpose of existence. It's supposed to be waves up and down, okay? But it's supposed to be waves that are small, minor, right? Very small, minor waves. You don't want to be where you're like massive waves, right? That's where you don't want to be. So keep in mind the void is an important process for you to go through when you are reaching that new identity level. And think about it this way: when you are pulling a bow and arrow, right? An arrow back, and you're building up that tension and you're pulling that back. That tension is first built when you're pulling it back, right? So that you can create that force so that when you release, right, it gets sent out uh super fast, right? There's that energy that's expounded, but that backward pull is not regression, it's the loading of that energy that is creating that launch. And so that's how you want to think about it. When you're in this disorientation stage, you feel like you're going backward, you feel like you're Losing ground, but your system is loading the energy for that next version of you to arise. Here are some of the symptoms for the disorientation. So let's go here. This is where you have confusion, brain fog, low motivation or motivation that comes in waves. You're questioning everything. You're like, man, should I even be doing this? Maybe I should go back. And loss of direction and nothing feeling aligned. Okay. So all of these different symptoms are normal. Okay. Symptoms of the number two. So let's go like this. Okay. This is all number two. You're feeling confused. You have brain fog, low motivation, questioning everything, lack of direction, and nothing feels aligned. All of these are just natural symptoms of this stage. And when you can acknowledge that, accept it, you start to regain your power over it, right? So in this stage, you just accept it, you normalize it. Like it is what it is. So remember that confusion here and all these different symptoms that you're going through, it's just the process. And this is really important here because the moment that you start labeling disorientation as something being wrong with you, then you start going trying to fix yourself, trying to fix like something's wrong with me. How do I fix it? And that fixing usually revolves around you going back to your old identity because then you stop feeling the brain fog, the lack of motivation. You start feeling back to normal, how you previously were, and then everything feels normal, fine, but you don't want that, right? You're looking to upgrade and update your identity until you're supposed to feel this. The void is not a problem to solve, it's a space for you to move through, stay in motion, even micro motion. One journal entry, one honest conversation, one day aligned with who you're becoming. Don't try to see the whole path, just take the next step. Okay, so now let's go over number three. This is the reformation. Okay, this is where the new self, new self, emerges. And this is the one that catches most people off guard because when your new identity arrives, it doesn't arrive with like a big celebration with fireworks, like, hey, you made it. Because here's the thing: it's gonna happen just where it's like one day you're just going to sit there and you won't be able to pinpoint the exact moment. I mean, I've had different moments that I've been able to pinpoint where I've had like different breakthroughs and like new connections have built, but in terms of the identity aspect, like I can agree as well. It's like you never have like a specific moment where it's like boom, I'm at my new identity now. Because think about it this way: like, let's say you're running like a super long marathon, right? Like you're not ever going to have a marathon where you are from point A to point Z, like immediately, right, within a second or within a day. It's like typically, if you're running like a super, super long marathon, right? Just think about like those national international marathons where some of them even last like multiple weeks or multiple days, okay? And so there's a slow buildup each day, right? Each day, slow buildup, slow buildup, slow buildup, and then where one day you just realize, oh wow, oh snap, I'm here. I'm at a whole different level now, I think different, right? I'm starting to see things from a whole different lens, whole different perspective. You're working, for example, like on your side project, right? Your side hustle, and previously you had a lot of anxiety around it, or a lot of kind of fog, brain fog around what you need to do and how you need to do it. But now you realize, you know what? Like, this is important, but I don't need to force this. I think what's important here is that I get clarity around what exactly I need to do and how I need to do it. So there's that feeling of easiness, right? Of not having that anxiety, that forcefulness of just like, hey, I want to get this done. And I think the best way to do this is to get structured, to get clear on all the action items and the steps that I need to take to make this happen, right? It's like this wave that was there before, but now it's just like very even keel. While before it was something that would cause a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety. You have a conversation with somebody, and you realize that you're speaking from a whole different lens, a whole different perspective than you were just a few months ago. And you set a boundary that the old version of you would never do, and it didn't feel brave or weird, or you know, you weren't worried about it. It just felt natural. Because here's the thing your new identity doesn't announce itself, it whispers, it shows up in small moments. You catch yourself thinking differently, responding differently, wanting different things. All those different desires that felt vague during disorientation now feel a lot more clear, a lot more sharp. And that vision that you had that felt kind of foggy, cloudy, now you can see it with full clarity. And then you have a moment, maybe alone, maybe in the middle of your day, where you realize that I'm not the same person that I was six months ago. Not because you performed some new ritual or did something completely different, it's because you left your old self die away and you survived the void, and then you allowed the new self to form on the other side. And I want you to think about this from this perspective. So, you know the phoenix, right? When a phoenix rises, it doesn't know, it doesn't realize that it's rising, it just feels lighter, it feels more powerful, and it's just there, right? The action just happened and that lighter feeling, the clarity returning, and the energy coming back. That's the reformation, that's your new operating system coming online. So, this is where your new desires feel clear and specific. Okay, so let's go right here. New desires feel clear and specific, and then your new behavior feels natural, right? There's no force there. Things that would previously make you question or feel uncertain are now just naturally occurring instances where you've reached a new baseline where previously things would bother you, make you feel uneasy, are now just natural to you. Then your new boundaries form effortlessly, right? Maybe before you didn't have any boundaries that you set, and you kind of people please and let people take advantage of you or of your generosity, but now you have new boundaries, right? Your energy and motivation return a little bit more consistent, right? You have clarity on your direction, you have alignment, and old triggers lose their charge. So things that perhaps bothered you before are now just like meh, it is what it is, you know, whatever, right? And that's where you've reached that new baseline, that new identity has taken over, new internal operating system, and it's a beautiful thing. So in this stage, you want to do two different things, okay? Number one is you want to identify. We can even write this here. So here there's two different things. One, you want to identify the emerging self. Okay, this is where you want to ask yourself, what am I naturally moving towards? What no longer resonates, what version of me is trying to emerge, and then number two, this is where you want to align behavior with the new version. Okay, this is where you start acting from the new identity and not towards it. This is the difference between saying that I'm trying to become more disciplined and saying that you are a disciplined person, right? I am a disciplined person. One is aspiring to be a disciplined person, and the other one is speaking from identity. And identity solidifies through action, not thought. You're not building the new you through one massive leap, right? Think about the example that I provided earlier with the marathon. Like it's not a big leap from A to Z, it's A, B, C, right? All of the different steps that are getting you to Z, and all of that is done through small minor microactions that all build up over time. Okay, so now let me show you the full cycle and how this can be applied to a real transformation. So let me go ahead and erase the board here. I know there's a lot. So let's walk through how we can use the three different stages that we walked through previously in an example of real life situation. Okay, so I'm gonna use an example that we all can pretty much relate to, which is leaving a relationship that you've outgrown. So let's say you've been in a relationship for three years and on paper everything is fine, everything looks good, right? The relationship is great, your partner's great, and it's not that they're necessarily a bad person, but something starts to grow inside of you in terms of a feeling, a sense of feeling that you're not being met where you are, and so you start feeling restless. The conversations that you used to have that felt exhilarating are now just feeling shallow. You want to talk about ideas, growth, personal development, and they want to talk about the plans for the weekend and for watching Netflix and for hanging out with friends and for partying, and there's nothing wrong with that. I think that's really important here to acknowledge is that all of that is completely normal. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But the thing is, something inside of you has shifted. That's the dissolution. The identity of I'm a person that's in this relationship is starting to crack. Not because the relationship is bad or the partner's abusive or anything dramatic is going on, but because you changed and the container didn't change with you. So you make the change and you end it. And so now, when you make the change and end it, you go into the void, and then disorientation hits you pretty hard because you're alone for the first time in years. Your Friday nights are empty, your phone doesn't buzz the same way. You start questioning everything, you start asking yourself, did I make a mistake? Did I let that person go and I didn't think it through? Should I call them back? Should I text them back? Was I too picky? What if I can't find anybody else? This is where your old identity is screaming at you to go back to your old life, to your old identity. It's telling you that, hey, at least you had somebody, at least it was comfortable. And here's where most people crack. They text the ex, they slide back into their old dynamic, not because it was right, but because the void is that uncomfortable. The disorientation feels like proof that they've made the wrong decision. But it's not proof, it's process. If you stay, if you sit in the void, if you let the discomfort stay with you and be with it without running away from it, something starts to shift. Then comes the reformation. Slowly, quietly. You start enjoying your own company, you start noticing what you actually want and not what you settled for. You meet someone and the conversation feels like oxygen, like you can start to breathe. And you realize that your standards didn't get too high. Your old identity just had them too low. And you look back at the relationship that you left and you think, I can't believe I almost went back. And this is actually something that happened to me right before moving to Miami about almost six years ago now. Um, I left a relationship myself where I was really questioning whether I was gonna get married or settle down or whether I should just completely end it. So I understand this stage specifically through this example of having that feeling of like, what if I made the wrong decision? What if this, what if that? But once you make peace with it and you acknowledge the state that you're in, right? The stage, then everything else just falls into place naturally. Because remember, the dissolution, the void, was the bridge to that person that you needed to become. So that's the full cycle, the dissolution, the disorientation, and the reformation. And it applies to everything: leaving a job, leaving a relationship, ending a friendship, changing your financial identity, shifting your health, your purpose, and your self-concept. The stages are always the same. And here's the thing: this is a continuous journey, right? In terms of the human os. Let me erase this here, Ashley, real quick, so I can show you terms of the human os, okay. The human operating system equals continuous, okay. Continuous, I think I spelled that wrong. Let me respell this here. Continuous revision, okay. Your operating system as a human, okay, is continually being revised, updated, upgraded, all of that. And this process is gonna happen for you over and over again in your life. You're gonna be consistently going through new versions of yourself, and oftentimes it happens annually for most people, even though for the most part people have like new year's resolutions and they don't typically follow through. But for the most part, a lot of people will start their new year's resolutions and maybe they'll get to like 10 to 15, maybe 20 percent of their goals, and so they still have a little bit of a shift, right? So this is a continuous evolution in terms of upgrading and updating your identity. And so every time you reach a new level of clarity, a new level of growth, a new level of alignment, it creates a new version of you, and then that new version of you will eventually outgrow itself, and then there will be another new version of you, right? So that cycle starts all over again. It's the dissolution, disorientation, and reformation, a constant, consistent cycle that will continue for the rest of your life. And here's the thing: you're not meant to stay the same, you are built to evolve. Every time you feel lost, confused, disconnected, like you don't recognize yourself anymore. You're not breaking down, you are transitioning, you're between versions of yourself, and that version that's arriving is bigger than anything you've ever been. So trust the space between. That's where you're being rewritten.