The Truth About Marriage, Masculinity & Success | The Winegards Ep. 3

In this episode of The Winegards Podcast, Eric and Alexis dive into real conversations around marriage, masculinity, family values, pregnancy, money, and modern relationships.

The two discuss why financial success alone does not define a man, the importance of being a strong husband and father, and how family dynamics shape future generations. Alexis shares her experience navigating pregnancy, preparing for motherhood, working with a doula, and making informed health decisions for their growing family.

They also open up about:

Relationship standards and respect in marriage
Why do many people stay in unhealthy relationships
College culture and political experiences at Ithaca College
Money habits, financial responsibility, and entitlement
Career advice for young adults after college
Building a meaningful life and future together

This episode is honest, funny, reflective, and packed with conversations that many couples are thinking about but rarely say out loud.

Subscribe to new episodes of The Winegards Podcast!
Follow us on Instagram @the_winegards

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, everybody. Welcome to the third official episode of The Wine Guards. I am one of your hosts, Alexis Weingard, and I'm here with my husband and business partner, Eric.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

What's up?

SPEAKER_00 0:12

What's up? So um, yeah, we're really just planning how these episodes are gonna go. And you know, you're gonna hear a lot of different themes of which we talk about. You know, for those of you that are tuning in for the first time, we do own a business together. We own a digital marketing company, and we're married, and we're also expecting our first child. So a lot of different things are happening in our life. And I was actually just making the comment that I can officially not see past my belly when I look down. So this is new for me. I'm getting used to that, but it's a beautiful experience. And for anybody who is unsure about having children, I highly recommend it if you feel like you're in a good spot, you know, with your relationship. And actually, that kind of brings up, I want to go into a little more about what you and I were talking about last night. Um, you actually made an Instagram post from a conversation that we had talking about how you're actually not a real man if you're not a good husband and a good father. And I think that's a really powerful statement. Um, I kind of want to go a little bit more into that. Like, what does that look like? What's our definition of what it means to be a good husband and a good father?

SPEAKER_03 1:23

You know, I I wanted to make it like a rap lyric. I wanted it to be like, how can you be a good man if you ain't a good husband? That's literally, but I I couldn't get the message across on IG like that. I just I have observed a lot, a lot of men that like like in when I was in Rochester, I don't know what it was. It was like if a guy made 500 grand or more, because that's like a high earning, I would say in Rochester, it's like a major earning. Or if you're making a million bucks a year, whatever it is, it was almost excused to be a bad husband. It was almost like, oh, well, but he's a provider, but he's a bad husband, or his relationship is Rocky. It was almost encouraged, it was almost expected, I feel like. And and maybe it was my circle of people, um, which is very possible, um, because you know, I I understand that the circle of people that I'm around now in South Florida are very different than the circle of people you might expect to find in South Florida, right? So I understand circles play a role in this, but I think I think that's the biggest cop-out because you know, if you're a hyper successful man and and and you let's say you're you make uh I don't know, three, four million dollars a year, I would say that's super successful. Yeah, of course, women are gonna be attracted to you. Like, duh, of course. And a weak man is tempted by those things. And a weak man um believes that because he's financially successful and because he's bringing money into the family, he believes that he's allowed to be subpar when it comes to him being faithful or him being, you know, um, you know, honoring his wife and his children, right? So I don't know why I don't know why that was, you know, I don't know why that was kind of like the theme in in Rochester where it was almost kind of accepted. But but I think I think a a great man is someone that is like like I said, a great husband too, because you know whether they call a woman a CEO of the home or not, at the end of the day, the the man is the leader, and the family is gonna follow the man's actions, right? And a man has a duty to to be a role model, right? So it's like you know, your your children are probably are very likely gonna model your behavior. Very likely. Now, don't get me wrong, they could go the other way and say that was bad, poor behavior, but a man is the leader, and and and the man is gonna be the one that the children model their behavior after. So, you know, if you're out, you know, drinking excess excessive amounts of alcohol, or you're out not necessarily being faithful to your wife, um, then then I don't think I I think you're a weak man. You're you're you know, you might be have be strong in business, but you're weak in your relationship with your wife, and you're now weak in the relationship with your kids. Like, how can you how can you cheat on your wife? Like, that's crazy to me. Like, how like don't get me wrong, if the marriage is on the outs, and you both know you're breaking up anyway, but how can you cheat? Like, how can you cheat on your wife? Like, the way I always look at it is this if you were a child and you saw that your dad cheated on your wife, you would think your dad is a scumbag, and vice versa, with the wife. Let's be cancer.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Yeah, it goes both ways, of course.

SPEAKER_03 5:15

Goes both ways, right? Um so why do you get to why do you get to cop out and and behave like that when you would expect your own parents not to behave like that? That's the biggest hypocrisy of this whole thing.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

That's a really interesting point. And I think I've become more sensitive to like thinking about the environment that our child will be introduced to, right? And and you and I obviously love each other so much. I think everybody around us knows how much we love each other. And um, it takes time to get to the point of, you know, you know, respectful conflict resolution, for an example. But I agree. I um I think that for a while society has kind of allowed men who have made money to be able to treat their wives a certain way. And and that I think that's actually on a scale too, because I don't I don't actually care how much a man makes. They they come home and they act a certain way to their wife. Yeah, sure, they they probably are still taking care of bulk of the bills, but they come home and they they're an asshole to their wife. Eventually the kids are gonna get older and witness that, right? And it started from somewhere, right? What is this pa behavior that he or she picked up from it? It started from somewhere. We talk about, you know, breaking the cycle. Well, you're literally not breaking the cycle because, like you said, there's these expectations of their mom and dad, but then all of a sudden those go out the window. And I feel so bad for these innocent babies that are just born into these, you know, unhealthy family dynamics, and the cycle's not even attempted to be broken. And I I think I'm just hypersensitive to these innocent souls that don't get to choose who mom and dad is and what their home life is, and hopefully eventually all of the cycles get to be broken from that. But I I don't know. I've become more strongly opinionated on this topic. And it goes, it goes both male and female, 100%. I mean, if you don't have respect in your house and you're not modeling that with especially children there, like why? Why did why wouldn't you just want to be a better person, at least when there's a kid? And if you know the marriage isn't good for you, get out. And I know it's easier said than done, sure. But it's definitely an interesting thing. I think I always say that you can tell the kind of man a person is as a man, but also in business by how their relationship is with their wife. Like, would you trust somebody that treats their family with the utmost respect, um, more likely in business, or somebody who's not. Like, if someone's willing to take advantage of the most precious thing that they ever have created, being family and their and their marriage, how do you know they're gonna be a good person in business anyway? I it's almost like they're going to great lengths to affect their marriage and you know, being a parent, why would you want to be doing business with them either? They clearly don't respect anything except for it feels very selfish. They really only care about themselves, he or she.

SPEAKER_03 8:17

So, you know what I think about too is I always joke around and I say, You're my number one accessory, right? So let's say I wanted to impress upon people, I actually don't have to wear a Rolex. I don't need to drive up in my nice car. Because I have my wife who shows up who looks like a Rolls Royce, you're like the Rolls Royce of females, right? But then yes, you have a nice car, yes, you have a nice wedding wedding ring, yes, you have a nice uh watch on your hand. You're literally my number one accessory, right? You're my Gucci bag. But but it's but take that, take that a step further. How my wife feels emotionally does my wife love her life? Does my life does my wife love excited about her future? Is my wife excited about bringing a child into this world? That is a direct reflection of who I am as a man.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Wow, that's gonna be a great video.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

That should have gone viral. No, that was really good. That's going viral as a bitch. That was really good. No, it's a it's a direct reflection of who I am as a man.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

And to answer your question, which I already know that you know, I'm I think that's why I am so excited to have this baby. Like I cannot wait to see how you are as a dad. You're such a mush already, so you're just gonna be such a mush. And I'm so excited about our future. I think that's why I work so hard because I just know that it's gonna continue to be fruitful and there's gonna be more gratitude to be had, and it's gonna I'm I'm just so excited. And I feel sorry for people that don't get to experience that, but let's be honest, you know, so many people are victims to their own lives. So and it takes an enormous amount of self-awareness too, though. Because even if you want this life that you think you deserve, it's always like, okay, let me look within myself first. Am I delivering the best version of myself to husband or wife or children, colleagues, whoever it might be. I think a lot of people really struggle with the self-reflection piece of it. Or they just avoid it entirely. Not even that they're not willing to self-reflect, it's just an avoidance thing. And there's just something blocked off in their brain that's like, nope, I am who I am, stubborn, this is how it is. If you don't like it, so be it. Bye. And then there's these shitty relationships because unfortunately, in the situations where the man does make a lot of money, there's a lot of situations where the women might feel more strapped to the situation and they can't speak out because they're being provided for and their kids are, you know, they're they haven't they're sheltered, they're they're getting food, they're you know, doing the family vacation, but they're kind of stuck because they did the whole stay-stay-at-home mom thing. And they're like, I'm sure there's that battle of, well, would I rather, you know, not be taken care of and not have my child be taken care of and and have this mediocre or ass relationship or or not. And I think that's a big hurdle for a lot of women because when it comes to the finances portion of things, I think you've even said this before. People a lot of women give up their careers to be a stay-at-home mom, and that's a lot of where their time goes. That's that's why there's probably alimony and all these other things. But a lot of women are probably even scared to take that leap if they're not in the right relationship because the finances hold so much power.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

Yeah, I think um, I think a lot of people stay, and and I understand this conflict. I think a lot of people stay married. A lot of women, because the idea or the premise of a s of a successful life for them is having a family together, right? And they might feel a divorce to a woman almost might feel like she got fired from her job. Like, like a guy who prides himself in his identity is focused on his career and he got fired from his job, that could really hurt his identity. Like, oh, I'm not as competent or as or as good as I thought I was. I could see where a woman might feel like that and and hold on to a relationship even harder than a man because so much of her identity is wrapped up in her family. But I would argue your your job, like I wouldn't argue that that is success. Like, I would argue that's an unsuccessful relationship, and you're probably creating more chaos and more detriment to your children and the people around you and to your own uh sanity to hold on to that relationship. Like I'm all for working on it, but if that shit ain't working, get out. Get out, you know, and and that's what I realized in my my last relationship. You know, her and I, we were you know, we went through the whole therapy thing, and and there was a moment in therapy where I looked at the therapist and I looked at her and I was like, oh, this shit is broken. And I just walked out. But I knew, but I did have to go through the therapy to 100% know it. Um, you know, but I tried and I applaud people for trying. But if you feel that it's it's broken, rip off the band-aid.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Yeah, nothing's nothing changes if nothing changes, right?

SPEAKER_03 13:54

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

It's not like you're gonna miraculously wake up one day and hubby your wife is like totally different.

SPEAKER_03 14:00

Yeah, no, no, and and and you know what? And unfortunately, this is the sad truth, dude. People don't change that much. You know, they don't. And and you know, someone that's a low life at 23 is probably a low life at 43. Their their mindset doesn't change that much. That's why I, you know, one of the most motive motivating things I've ever seen anybody say was from Grant Cardone. He talked about something to the effect that he was 51 years old and he realized he wasn't thinking big enough and he had to go bigger. All of his net worth was in his home at the time, and he pulled, you know, those few million dollars out. I don't know what it was. It might have been like five or six million. And he pulled it out and he and he leveraged it to buy more real estate and investments, and today he's probably approaching being a billionaire. But but that's rare. That's rare. 51-year-old goes. I'm I'm thinking small. It's rare. Most people, I don't know what a psychologist would say, but dude, you get to be 24, 25, dude, you ain't changing. Like, like that's who you are. Usually this is nine times out of ten. So if you meet someone, uh a 28-year-old guy, you're a 25-year-old girl, that's who that dude is. And you might see potential in him.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

Oh, I hate when people cling on to the potential.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

But but it's it's rarely ever realized at that age.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Yeah. Then there's like the chronic people out there that will date people to fix them.

SPEAKER_03 15:31

Which yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

Ugh. It doesn't go anywhere.

SPEAKER_03 15:36

Yeah. You know, it was wild last night. So Alexis is 25 weeks tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

Tomorrow, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:44

25 weeks tomorrow. We finally physically saw our baby girl pushing on your belly.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

Yeah, I've seen it a few times, but last night was more of uh a pronounced kick or movement, I guess I would say.

SPEAKER_03 15:57

Well, you you're you're taking pregnancy head on. It's really cool. How did you feel seeing your child push on your belly for the first time?

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Oh yeah. I mean, well, thanks for even saying that. Because I don't even know how I'm handling it. You know, it's the first time, it's the first go-around. I think I'm just really excited. I just can't wait until I can have another built-in best friend, essentially. Because like Gigi's like my little our dog Gigi's like our little my little built-in girl best friend. But when there's a an actual human that I will eventually be able to have conversations with, you know, like me and my mom are so close. I just think it's so special when um there's such a closeness in relationships. So I hope that the relationship that I have with my mom that I'll also be able to have with Sophia, our daughter, because it's just not there's nothing better. And I'm just getting more excited. Now I I know I got 15 more weeks. It's um it's not that I'm getting antsy, but I now I'm just like, okay, I can't wait to meet her, which we got her crib on Friday, her dresser and everything.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

And sent that dresser right back too.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

I know.

SPEAKER_03 17:02

Didn't even hesitate.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

No, yeah, the the dresser came um the movers tried to come in horizontally through the area and it it bumped into the wall and it chipped this brand new beautiful dresser. So I reached out to Pottery Barnett.

SPEAKER_03 17:16

This is an aggressive word.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

It was chipped. And I reached out to Pottery Barnett a ding.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

Yeah, if that.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Okay, well, it's brand new, and Sophia deserves to have a perfect dresser with no dings before she gets here. So yeah, I did reach out to Pottery Barn Kids and they're sending me a new one. Yeah. In exchange.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:34

Um But I thought the Doula was really interesting.

SPEAKER_03 17:38

Oh, that's uh that's literally where I was gonna go. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

We did a doula came over on Saturday to our house because I decided to go down that route. And I didn't know much about it, but she she came highly referred to us, and um so much has changed in the healthcare system from when my mom was pregnant.

unknown 17:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

So what roughly 30 years ago. And, you know, she was just like, even when my mom goes to appointments with me and I tell her stuff, she'll just say, I feel so bad. So much has changed since I was pregnant. So she almost feels like I can't help my daughter as much because it's not the same when she gave birth to me, Paige and Marcus. But there were so many moms that I know that had recommended either midwife or doula. And I didn't really, you know, I was doing my own research, and I just was like, you know, I'm gonna go off of all the people close to me who know me and my lifestyle. Um they just know myself as a character. And they're saying, hey, highly recommending a doula or a midwife. So she came over on Saturday, and I think she really just instilled my decision my decision making and wanting to have her. What did you think about it?

SPEAKER_03 18:42

Well, what did I think about it?

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:45

I have a couple funny I have something hilarious I want to say something.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

We should say it.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

Can I?

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:51

So here was the funniest thing about when the duo came over.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:56

She was a very attractive woman. She was a nice looking lady. You know, she's she's nice looking, she's well put together, very articulate, very smart. For any man to sit in a room and to hear another pretty woman tell your wife, can I see your boobs and your nipples? Like, you know, it's kind of like that was funny. I'm very faithful and loyal to Alexis, but you know, it kind of felt like, like, are they playing a trick on me right now? Like this is like um, but you know, all joking aside, yeah, I mean, the relation I understand the relationship with the doula has to be you know relatively like open and honest and intimate, and and it was a very nasty.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Because we're just talking about breastfeeding, right?

SPEAKER_03 19:46

Yeah, right, right, right. But I wish you could give the context. I wish there was a camera on me and my facial extra.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

I wonder if she saw your face.

SPEAKER_03 19:53

I was probably like, you know, like what is going on here? Anyway. But um, yeah, no, she's cool. And and I I don't know. I I um I I guess I'm uh not not I guess. I'm glad we're doing the doula because I'm really uneducated about giving birth. I don't know the first thing.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Honestly, same. Yeah, and you can read books, but it there's nothing like she's gonna just be with us through every single step of the way. And you know, the truth is, unfortunately, hospitals are a for-profit organization. So a lot of the times they just do the things that get in and out more patients, even though probably it would take a lot for somebody to admit that. But I don't want to just be forced and induced into labor just because they're trying to flip a bed. So it's just nice because you and I are gonna be feeling emotions that we've probably never felt before. Hormones are gonna be super high, and this person will be able to say, No, I already talked through her birth plan and everything. This is what she wants, and make sure that that happens. And I thought, you know what I mean? What I thought was really, really interesting. Um Picosin, the induction medicine.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

She had said, because she asked me, you know, she did a really good job with asking questions without being influential on my decision making, which I thought was really important. But I had told her from my research, I don't want Picosin. Um, I would like to just go into labor when I go into labor, and then I do want the epidural. That's what I want, that's what I feel is going to be best for me. And then once I told her, you know, how what my plan was with that, she said, you know what's really interesting is a lot of the people that I've known that I know that had Picosin, because it's pretty much just loading up your body with it, oxy oxytocin and giving you all the happy hormones. Well, a lot of the moms apparently go into postpartum depression if they go through that with getting Picosin and getting all these more hormones injected into you, right? Because yeah, of course, you get this surge of the happiness hormones. You're already really hormonal, as is, delivering this child. And then imagine you you you get more from this um Picosin. And then all of a sudden it drops substantially. Yeah, that makes sense that a lot of women go into postpartum depression from that. So I was really happy that I was even more so educated on it. And I don't want it. I mean, I get that postpartum depression's real and who knows I could still have it not even getting that drug. But if I can avoid it or at least help it, I'm going to.

SPEAKER_03 22:22

So it's like a hangover.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Yeah, I think it's just like a hormonal hangover. And sometimes for people, it lasts a really long time. For some moms, they have a hard time.

SPEAKER_03 22:30

I know about hangovers really well.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Yeah, I know. But for some moms, they have a hard time bonding with their baby because they're so depressed, right? Like they're just like such an it's almost like they're stuck in this um fight or flight mode after the birth. And they struggle bonding with the baby because it's uh it hasn't hit them that um there's this baby here and their life has changed and they're almost frozen. So I thought that was really an interesting fact that she had mentioned that.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

I don't know if it's a fact, but it study. Yeah, but possibility and maybe more likely than unlikely. And I was actually the one that brought it up. You didn't give me credit, she just answered it.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

Was it you that brought it up? Yeah. What how did you phrase it? I don't remember.

SPEAKER_03 23:11

Well, because some of the some of the research I've done, but it's hard to know what the heck is legitimate, what's not, was saying that when women get the epidural, because the woman doesn't have the natural feelings or whatever that when they conceive not conceive the baby, when they have the baby, that afterwards there's this natural series of events that occurs hormonally that is good for the woman's psyche, uh, you know, uh becoming a new mom. And she was saying, Oh, you're actually right. You're close, but it's research shows that it's not the epidural itself, it's the picosin. Yeah, Picosin. It's the Picosin, not the epidural. So you could do the epidural, skip the Picosin.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

Yeah. So that's I I I think what my plan is. So that was you that asked that question. Yeah, I've been, you know, I didn't maybe your algorithm's a little different than I thought. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:12

No, I've I've been checking it out a little bit. What do you what are your um how how are we gonna handle this is a big topic. As new parents, how are we gonna handle vaccinations?

SPEAKER_00 24:25

So I personally feel like it's important to do your own research with anything when it comes to health. Um, I don't think this is such a conspiracy anymore, but things that we're told isn't always what it is. So, you know, they might say, Oh, get this vaccine, get that vaccine, and because we are told that that's what's best. Uh, I think that you and I will just spend the time to do our own research on it. Because I understand that some sure have to be had or whatever. I'm not like totally anti-vax, but I do want to do my research on some things that I don't think are necessary. For an example, one of the vaccines that they want for a newborn to get, the two that they want is the vitamin K and the hepatitis B. Well, I already don't want the hepatitis B, so I've already made that decision. And that's also um, you know, like you you do your own research on that too. I just think we'll have nice conversations and and in and conversations and planning, like, okay, does it make sense for our baby to get this? Because I think after two months they're supposed to get a handful of them. But we're really lucky because um Florida's different than New York State. And my cousin, who just had her second baby, you know, she had to go to a totally different she doesn't even go to a pediatrician because she declined some of the vaccines. She had to go to a special family practice type of clinic thing. And she said it's so hard when you're up in New York State because these doctors and these nurses judge you so much when she's done her research. She feels that's what's best for her baby and her family. But they judge so much if you decline any type of vaccine, any vaccine. So I think it's just important that you and I continue to do our own education and research on it, rather than just being forced and just doing what society wants us to do. I'm not like the, like I said, a black and white, like complete anti-vax, um all four vaccinations. I lean more towards just give the people a chance to do their own research and see what feels right. I wish I didn't get the COVID vaccine. I wish you didn't get the COVID vaccine, you know, but there wasn't any research on it. So maybe if there's not research on the vaccine, I'm probably not gonna put that in our baby either.

SPEAKER_03 26:39

So, how about this story? So I just had a guy on the podcast a couple hours ago and he has four boys. This is not great research. First two boys got all the vaccines, last two boys got zero vaccines. First two boys are always sick. Next two boys are never sick. Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 27:03

Yeah. That's what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 27:05

I'm leaning towards a nun.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

For which though?

SPEAKER_03 27:09

Any vaccines.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

All right. Well, we'll have to go back to the table and come back with our findings. No, I I understand the vitamin K one. I do. But I'm supposed to be getting a couple of vaccines in a few weeks, actually. One's for whipping cough, so we'll have to research.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

It's interesting.

SPEAKER_03 27:30

Yeah. It just sucks that we live in a world where we we don't know.

SPEAKER_02 27:34

And then and then someone from upstate New York, oh, you wouldn't know it's science. Science says that this is the right thing to do. It's like, oh my God, I can't.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 27:48

Can we we talk about a funny story?

SPEAKER_00 27:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:52

So Alexis grew up in a very conservative household. Dad is, you know, Republican through and through. What's it like being someone that was raised heavy Republican and you went to the most liberal school in the United States of America, Ithaca College?

SPEAKER_00 28:09

Was it actually rated as one of the most?

SPEAKER_03 28:12

It's Ithaca is the most Ithaca and Portland are the two most liberal places in the country.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

What was it like? So I think everybody knew that I leaned right, but I wasn't loud about it, right? And in fact, everybody else around me, there's one other girl and another guy that I knew that leaned right throughout my college outwardly, or at least felt comfortable enough to say it. I would just be like, yeah, no, like I'm I'm this. I wouldn't get into it. I wouldn't argue with people, I wouldn't debate, none of that stuff. I just left it alone, right? It's college, not that deep. And so when Trump became president, it was the craziest the first time. It was the craziest experience ever. Well, first of all, my roommate at the time um made her phone background. I think it was Michelle Obama to try to piss me off. Here's the thing that's ironic I'm not an emotional political person. Like, that didn't piss me off. Like you're more emotional going ahead and changing your phone background to try to piss me off. You know what I mean? I just was like, okay, it was my direct roommate uh that's like, oh, like would light her phone up because she had Michelle or Barack Obama as her, I can't even remember what it was. But the irony of it was is that these people were the more emotional ones. And they would try to get more under like mine in the other handful of people's skin because they knew that we wanted Trump to be in office, right? And um, I'll never forget, like I fell asleep that night and the polls were looking like in favor of him. But the next morning I woke up to a flurry of emails from all of my professors saying class is canceled, all of my friends are getting deported, um, I have Mexican friends that are no longer welcome here. I have a gay brother that can't get married now, like saying all these things, right? Like they literally closed campus because he he came in office, right? So what was it like? I mean, I kind of just let it it didn't really bother me because I felt like it bothered them more, right? Like I would actually be curious to ask those people what was it like when Trump first came in office in 2016? And um it was like whatever. I just didn't talk about it. But there were then those people that knew that would try to get under my skin by being all like Trump's a fucking rapist, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_03 30:38

So what was it like on Ithaca campus when Trump got elected?

SPEAKER_00 30:41

People were crying. Dude, people were fucking crying. And honestly, though, that's where I was kind of like, I don't know if I should like laugh or it's just like, oh, you guys want to go to algebra? Like dude, and I'm gonna go get a degree or I uh you know, you have to take these elective courses, right? And I forget what this one was. I think it was called personal health. It was a personal health class. And this is right when they started kind of introducing the LGBTQ community because that was the first class that I was ever in where they made us go around and um say our pronouns. Like that's when I learned what it was.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

And what was your pronoun? She, her. Oh, they were doing it back then?

SPEAKER_00 31:22

This was the first time I ever witnessed it. I think I was on the cusp of like right before colleges made it, every class had to make sure that you were an Ithaca.

SPEAKER_03 31:30

No, but this is what's what's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 31:35

Sure, but this is what's crazy. I it was only the one class when I was in college, the personal health class that made us go around and say that. Um, and I think because the professor was a lesbian, like, you know, she probably was more s sensitive to that type of thing. It didn't make a difference to me. But but once Paige and Marcus kind of went through their college years, it was every class got asked that and on every freaking application. So I was actually, I think, on the cus. I think if Trump I think Trump getting re-elected this last time, I probably would have had to transfer, to be honest with you. Because it's just gotten the climate has just gotten so much worse. It wasn't so bad then in 2016 because all of these things weren't as much talked about. But I think if I was at Ithaca College in 2024 when he originally got or when he got re-elected, I think I would lose my freaking mind. I honestly do. But it wasn't bad in 2016.

SPEAKER_03 32:33

Yeah. Wow. Ithaca college, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Yeah, it is very illiberal. But you know what? I will say there wasn't that many people that kind of pushed things onto you, right? Like I just had the one roommate that was just like trying to be funny or whatever she thought she was doing. But people moved on. Nobody really forced the conversation. I think it was more the climate was different. People just kind of were like, okay, like I know she feels this way, I feel this way, we're just not gonna talk about it, right? So I don't I don't think it was actually that bad then.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

Yeah. Wow, very um yeah, me when I was gosh, my I don't even want to talk about my college years. My college years are I didn't I didn't experience college the way you did. I know. Like I was just there to just muscle up and get my degree. I didn't I didn't actually have that that college experience, but but overall, I feel like you had a good college. Well, did you have a how would you what would you consider your college experience overall?

SPEAKER_00 33:34

That's a really great question. And I actually just said this to Paige. How would I rate my college experience overall? Well, I'm actually really grateful for my experience.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

Um I had abroad.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

Yeah, well, abroad was one of them. I studied abroad, I went to Rome with two of my close friends at the time. Really, how I look at college though, um, I'm actually so grateful for every minute of it. I'm not close with a lot of people that I went to school with anymore. Um, really only one person and some of my guy friends. But I have no, you know, even though I've had for whatever reason the friendships have fizzled out, I literally look back and I still I think to myself, I'm like, oh my God, I had so much fun with these people. Like I, you know, differences aside, I really look back and I said, I had so much fun with these people. And it's, you know, because you go to college, right? You think, oh, I'm gonna get a degree, I'm gonna become this person. No, it's I think it was more about the bond, honestly, at the end of the day. Like I'm I had great times with people. I had, I went abroad, that was great. Um, it was always so much fun when you this is what I was talking about with Paige, because a song came on that reminded me back in 2016, and that was like the the year for music in college, by the way. Just so that you know, because all the good music came out in 2016. But he's like, what the fuck? But it was so fun when you would come to campus after summer and just reconnect with your friends. So I did enjoy it. I'm not friends with a lot of people from college, no animosity. I'm I'm grateful for it.

SPEAKER_03 35:00

Yeah, it's not really a real thing. I mean, it's few and far between do people stay really connected from college for the city. Well, it's a bubble.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

It's a bubble. Yeah, it's not real life. No way.

SPEAKER_03 35:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

No way.

SPEAKER_03 35:13

Yeah. Now you're down in Florida. Let me ask you this when when you graduated from college. What?

SPEAKER_00 35:19

Yeah, I'm curious. What what's the question?

SPEAKER_03 35:21

Yeah, where did you think you would end up living? Where did you on and I know it's hard to forecast that. And I guess this is kind of cool because I I guess I'm trying to ask you questions right now. Because you're such a successful 29-year-old woman today with an unbelievable future ahead of you. And you've done really well after college. Like I would argue you've done damn well after college, right? So I'm just sitting here thinking, I'm really trying to help you communicate with the 22-year-old girl. That's that's what's going on in my mind. You know, when you graduated from college, what I I know you took a job and a couple jobs, but what did you actually think your future was after college?

SPEAKER_00 36:03

Well, um, it I think it was not so much what did I think my future was, what was my mindset? Because I graduated with a handful of student debt, right? Like probably six figures of student debt. And so what did I think my future was? I I graduated with the mindset of I I'm gonna figure this out. I'm gonna be the most successful person that I can be for myself because I'm in charge of me and and my foreseeable future, whether that's finances or whatever. I so I don't think I actually picked where I was gonna be. It was more about what's gonna take me to where I need to be, because I have to take care of myself financially, right? Like you graduate with all this freaking debt. Um, and a lot of the people that I went to school with, they did not have any debt. So the way that I had to make my decisions was very different. So I think for the 22-year-old girl, the 22-year-old girl, I think it just unfortunately it makes a difference in like what's your situation. Um I would say like what was popular when I was graduating college was that everybody went to New York City. And, you know, they got these pretty low-paying salary jobs, lived in these tiny apartments, had to have a handful of roommates just to be in New York City. Well, that didn't appeal to me either. Um and and that was the part of the the thing. I took a job in a different city because it made more sense for me financially, but it was also the smarter decision for me from a career standpoint because I pretty much the the path that I took right after college was an accelerated plan to get me to where I needed to be with where I wanted to be at the time. Now, granted, I'm not in hospitality anymore, but um, and I'm glad that I'm not, but I think it just it's more mindset. Like what kind of a mindset do you graduate with? Shoshinei, again, the one girl that I'm super close with still, her and I had jobs lined up by February of that graduation year. And it was the craziest thing, so competitive because her and I had these jobs, and all of the girls that we were friends with had similar degrees or majors. And it got so competitive and catty because like her and I we figured out and had our jobs lined up, and then there was this panic and this like lack of I'm happy for you because they were still not, they hadn't secured a job yet post-grad. Um, but we weren't picky. Like Shosh ended up in Huntsville, Alabama. I ended up in Philadelphia. You know, these people were really picky. They were like, New York City, have to be making X this, have to be doing this, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I don't think 22-year-olds should be that picky unless they're like pre-professional, right? Unless they're um, you know, going off to be a pharmacist, an attorney, something like that. I just think people are too picky once they graduate. And then the story that you uh bring up about people think they have a degree, they're entitled to something. My advice to the 22-year-old girl is don't be entitled to getting out of college unless you're a pre-professional.

SPEAKER_03 39:04

I think what's interesting about taking a job somewhere, like let's say um let's say you take a job out of college, it pays you 50 grand. Let's say I met a girl. What the hell is the place called where I get the shakes? Where's the place where I get the protein shakes? Plenty of juice. I met this girl at the protein shake shop after a workout or whatever, had a nice little conversation with her. She was asking me what I do. She's like, Oh, I'd be interested in interviewing, blah, blah, blah. And she said, Oh, I have this big opportunity up in North Carolina, you know, fresh out of college, you're going to pay me $75,000 a year. And she said she didn't want to take the one job down here that was offering her $50,000. And I said, Well, I said, it's a mute point. It doesn't matter if somebody offers you $75,000 or $50,000, because there's no guarantee that you're going to keep that job. So when you go work there and an employer gives you $75,000 a year or $50,000 or $150,000, you got to earn it every day. Every single day. Right? So if you go take the $75,000 job and you suck at your job, you're going to get fired. And now you're going to be unemployed looking for a new job. And if all you're thinking about is what the employer pays you, you're not thinking about the right thing. What you need to be thinking about is what are you going to provide for the company? Because if you go make the $50,000, if if you're if you take the job that's $50,000 a year, but it's more in line in line with the culture that you like, the skill set that you can provide, and it's an environment that you feel like you can contribute to, and you have the skill sets to match what that company needs, you can ascend. You can become very valuable in that company. Whereas if you take the job just for the salary, there's no guarantee you're going to be valuable to that company. You want to go somewhere where you believe you can provide value. And you have to be honest about what your skill set is. Make sense?

SPEAKER_00 41:16

For sure.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Do you like that?

SPEAKER_00 41:17

I love that. I love that. I think that college does this weird thing where people come out very entitled. For they just think that they're deserving of higher, higher paying jobs, better opportunity. But let's be honest, you know, look at the people that are going to trade school nowadays. They didn't even go to college and they have they own their own businesses. So it really doesn't matter. You're exactly right. What value do you bring?

SPEAKER_03 41:43

Yeah, and the other thing too is what what are what are employers like us taught in the marketplace? Hire slow and what?

SPEAKER_00 41:51

Fire fast.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

Fire fast. Yeah, if your ass sucks at your job, you might be fired two weeks in. I mean, somebody most likely somebody will give you a quarter, right? A decent employer will give you 90 days to see who you are, see your behavior, see your attitude, see your mindset, see your skill set. But if you suck, you're out. Like you're gone. You are a burden. You got to be a bargain with companies. So I don't know. I think college kids, you know, they they they're kind of sold this bill of goods and they do have a sense of entitlement. But I think you got to work on you. Like, what are you gonna provide to the company? And as long as your mindset and and determination and grit and willingness to learn and you have a great attitude, you're gonna be great anywhere you go. So who cares if it's in Boca Raton or or you know, Raleigh, North Carolina, or wherever the job was? Like pick your area that you want to freaking live in. Like, where do you want to live? Do you want to live in New York? Do you want to live in Boca? Do you want to live in Cali? Do you want to live in Michigan? Where do you want to live? Okay. Okay. You want to live in Michigan? Okay, cool. Where are the highest where's the biggest metro area in Michigan? Okay, probably Detroit, Metropolitan, Ann Arbor, I'm sure there's some good salaries in that area. So, okay, so let's go there. Let's not go to Poe Dunk in the middle of Michigan, and let's find the top employers there, and then let's go kick ass at one of those top employers.

SPEAKER_00 43:24

Yeah, just come in kicking ass, really.

SPEAKER_03 43:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

It's a mindset thing. I don't think it's so much and and and the harsh truth is that I've seen so many people that I knew whose identity was being an athlete in college, that they hit quote unquote real world where they're used to being the man getting praise for being athletic. Well, then they get into the workforce and they're not great at their job. Sure, they have that competitiveness to them because you have to be competitive to be an athlete, but they're not great at their job.

SPEAKER_03 43:57

You know, it's funny, you know what happened to me. I I always And I mean this, I say this with all humility. I never had a problem with girls when I was younger. Shout out Greece and New York, one most handsomest in seventh grade.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

The fact that you remember that.

SPEAKER_03 44:10

Of course I do. Of course I do. Um, but but I always, you know, girls kind of came easy because girls at the at a young age, they were attracted to me for very surface level things. You know, I was the athlete, I was a cool kid or whatever it was, you know. And uh, as I got to be about 23, 24, I remember I used to get girls because I was really fit and I was kind of jacked, and like that was like my thing, right? You know, I'd wear tight shirts and look good. And yeah, a 20-year-old girl is gonna be attracted to a 23-year-old guy who looks like a gym bro, right? But then I get got in my mid-20s and the girls stopped asking me, oh, where do you work out? It was, where do you work? What do you do? What do you have going on in your life? So, to any young man out there, bruh, if you think those biceps are gonna carry you through your late 20s and early 30s, you're you're tripping.

SPEAKER_00 45:06

The fit and broke guy.

SPEAKER_03 45:08

Yeah, you fit and broke, and now listen, I went the other way. I I started to make money and I got you know out of shape, but you know, I can get in shape a whole lot quicker than than you can get money. So m money's money's something that, and I don't just mean I don't mean money in the sense of uh, you know, showing off your Rolex, driving your Maserati or whatever it is. I just mean accomplishment and status.

SPEAKER_00 45:40

Well, we always say money solves a lot of problems though, because you know, do you want to be the guy that who pops a tire driving and they're fucked because they don't have their rainy day fund? I mean, I say that all the time. Like you and I know what we pay our team, right? Like, and this is just an example, but how people manage their finances is not our problem. So I think that yes, making good money, great. How do you mi manage your finances too? Because you hear these people, these young kids that all of a sudden figure out this online e-com thing and they make all this money, but then they blow it. So managing the finances too are just equally as important, right? I think that's a respectable thing to figure out. And that's something that college doesn't teach how to manage your finances, right? Like how many people I think 70% of the country is in credit card debt. At least.

SPEAKER_03 46:40

This is how bad some guys see how I do it all in uh books now.

SPEAKER_00 46:44

You have to teach me that.

SPEAKER_03 46:45

I will. This is how bad some guys run their finances. So I had a buddy of mine, he was really hard up on money. I said, dude, you're my brother, don't worry about it. I'm gonna give you one of my credit cards. I need you to live, I need you to not be so anxious about life. Just use it to live, okay? You know, food, gas, whatever you need, right? So now I'm getting these notifications over the next couple of days about how this guy spends money. And I think you know who it is. I do. At the time he was young and dumb. Today he's very mature. And I'm looking at it. Oh, it's $174 at this bar, it's $222 at this dinner. And and I'm like, dude, I called him up. I said, bro, you're gonna owe me a lot of money, and I don't even know if you can will ever be able to pay me back at this rate you're going. I go, bro, I go, when you don't have money, you can't spend money.

SPEAKER_00 47:41

No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_03 47:42

Like, if you don't have money, he was making $500 a week at the time. You can't spend $174 at the bar.

SPEAKER_04 47:50

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 47:51

It doesn't, it it it it literally didn't click with him. It literally, I go, dude, that's my credit card. Like, like, like you're going into you're going negative now. Like, what is wrong with you? And it but it finally clicked with him. He was like, Oh, I'm spending money like an imbecile. Now, I don't care if you make $500 a week, five grand a week, or five million a week. You can overspend yourself. Now, I'm not saying to be a cheapo, that's not what I'm saying, but but some guys just don't even understand money in and money out. Um, and this dude, thank God he got his stuff together. But, you know, I'm like, this is why you're broke. Because of your lifestyle and the way you spend money. You better either level up and get your money right, or you can't you can't spend like this.

SPEAKER_00 48:38

It's really interesting too that that's and I mean for me, you and I, that's common sense, money in, money out. But what's really interesting is that that's not common sense to people. Or that they don't think that they need to have a little abundance for, you know, if they have a vet bill that's really expensive or a flat tire or they get into a car accident and insurance is only covering so much. Um so yeah, money solves a lot of problems. It does, it's not everything, but it it helps.

SPEAKER_03 49:04

He he drove around this old beat up uh green Thunderbird.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

I don't even know what that is. I gotta look it up.

SPEAKER_03 49:10

And uh yeah, yeah, look up Green Thunderbird. And uh I was like, dude, I was like, you gotta you gotta lay off the nonsensical behavior because you're young and handsome right now, you're in your mid-20s. I go, but dude, when you get to be 35, you're not gonna be able to pick up chicks in the Green Thunderbird, bro.

SPEAKER_00 49:30

Oh my god. Was that like a cool car at the time?

SPEAKER_03 49:32

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He knew and like what girl are you picking up in that?

SPEAKER_00 49:39

Honestly, is this what we're talking about? Yes. Um, we'll have to put up a picture for this for those that don't know. It kind of reminds me of the Office episode when Michael Scott has his like convertible little buggy thing and he thinks he's like pimping out in it. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_03 49:56

Um, guys, thanks again for tuning in to the Wine Guards. Make sure to like and subscribe. We'll see you again.