The Identity That Built Your Success Might Be Limiting Your Life - ep. 224

What if the version of you that built your success is the same version limiting your expansion?

In this episode, I explore the hidden cost of performance-based identity, and why strategy isn’t the real issue for most high-achieving women

We get into:

• How conditioning shapes the way you lead, love, and receive
• The difference between mind fear, emotional fear, and identity fear
• Why the fear you think you have is rarely the real one
• How performance-based safety blocks intimacy, overflow, and ease
• The subtle ways you may be turning growth into another form of proving

This isn’t about optimizing your funnel or refining your messaging.

It’s about who you had to become in order to succeed, and whether she’s the woman who can hold the life you say you want next.

If you’ve ever felt successful but still slightly tense… capable but not settled… expanding but not spacious — this episode is for you.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Welcome to the Limitless Life Podcast. If you're new here, welcome. I'm glad you find your way into this space. I'm your host, Brenda Johnston, and if you've been here for a while, you already know that this isn't a surface-level strategy podcast or a fluffy podcast. We talk about deeper layers, subconscious patterns, energetic architecture, the identity shifts that actually will change your life. And let me tell you, today's conversation is going to be one of those. Because I've really been thinking about this a lot lately, especially after a few of my calls with clients, the one-on-one work I do, sessions where the same theme keeps showing up, but in very different ways. Different women, different businesses, different stages of life, but underneath it all, same pattern, same root issue. And I want to bring it here because I have a feeling that it might be relevant for a lot of you that are listening to this. And this episode is not going to be about tactics or optimizing funnels or refining your messaging or anything like that. We are going to be talking about something much deeper and honestly much more powerful. This is going to be about the identity that has built your success and whether that same identity might actually be what is limiting you now, especially when it comes to the life that you say that you want. So just let that settle for a minute because this episode might be one of those ones that feels a little bit personal. I'm also going to say I kind of don't want you listening to this in multitasking mode today, unless you're one of those people that can multitask and actually hear what is being said. I know when I'm multitasking and listening to podcasts, I'm not actually listening. So I'm going to leave that up to you to decide. But this is one of those episodes that I want you to hear. Because what if the identity that built your success is literally the same identity that is limiting your life right now? What if it's not your strategy? What if it's not the industry or the algorithm or the season you're in? It's you. Or more specifically, who you had to become in order to succeed. Listen, you didn't just build a business, okay? You and maybe you haven't built a business, maybe you're building a career. Same, same thing. And to do that, you most likely became this version of you that was very capable and very reliable. I'm pretty sure you're the one who has always been anticipating the problems before anybody else sees them coming. And I'm willing to bet you're also the one who holds everything together. And you probably make it look very easy while you're doing it. And if you're being honest, guess what? That didn't start when you launched your company or started your career. It started a lot earlier. Because somewhere along the line, usually when we're younger, you learned that being competent and capable made things safer. That being impressive made you have the respect that you wanted. And that being low maintenance or responsible made things a lot smoother. Maybe you learned that being emotional was kind of uh inconvenient, or as I was always taught, being emotional makes you weak. Or maybe you learned that being strong kept you from being a burden because you just handled everything on your own. That's something else that I will say. I kind of took on. I'm an only child. Any of my only children listening to this, send me a message and tell me if you agree with this. But as an only child, I learned to be hyper-independent. Like I did not rely on anybody. I learned that it was better if I just did everything myself, which also was a challenge because then when I actually needed to ask for help, I was not great at asking for help. So that is a thing. And the other thing that I learned very young, and you know, this you can learn this not being an only child, was that if I just did everything myself, if I just handled everything myself, then I wouldn't be disappointed. And if I was disappointed, then it was my own fault. So we go through all these times in our life and we create all these pieces of our identity and we adapt. And you know what? As you do that, you get very good at performing and pretending you've got your shit together. And that's great. It works, it helped build your income, your reputation, your independence. Probably built the life you're living now. But here's the part that I want you to really sit with because it also has shaped how you show up in your relationship or relationships. It has shaped how much help you actually let yourself receive. It's shaped whether you can rest without feeling slightly guilty or restless. It has shaped whether being soft feels safe or whether you only feel in control of things when you're managing all the parts that are moving. Hate to break it to you, but that is not a strategy issue. That is conditioning. And you probably don't consciously walk around every day saying, Oh, my worth depends on what I produce. But you know what? If you slow down and take time to reflect and notice things, you're gonna start to see that all those patterns are under there. You're probably gonna notice that you feel especially valuable when you are being effective and getting shit done. You're probably gonna notice that you feel safe when you're ahead of things, controlling them. You feel good when you feel needed. And I get it. You're human. But like I said, it is so interesting because lately, when I'm working with people and I'm doing the discovery part of things, and I'm mapping the fear patterns and the fear themes that they've got running, it's very interesting because when we start having the real unfiltered conversations about what is actually happening in their life, I am seeing the exact same thing just manifesting differently for different people. You come in, you think you know what the fear is. Oftentimes you'll tell me that you're afraid of being seen or afraid of rejection or afraid of instability or making the wrong decision. And you know, intellectually, that sounds very accurate and it sounds very logical. However, fear doesn't just live in your thoughts. It lives in three places. There's mind fear, the story that you can articulate and explain. There's emotional fears, the reactions in your body, the tightness in your chest, the charge that you feel throughout your body when something happens. And then there's the identity fear. That's the deepest, I'm gonna call it the deepest, deeper, deepest, whatever layer that protects the version of you that learned how to survive. It's survival-level fears. And for most of you, I'm gonna say this it is rarely the mind fear that is actually running the show. You might think you're afraid of visibility, but I'm gonna tell you right now, it has more to do with the identity that has always stayed in control. Because visibility means that you can't curate everything. You can't manage perceptions the same way if you're not controlling them. You might think you're afraid of rejection, but underneath that is the part of you that learned that love had to be earned. And if you're not performing at a certain level, will you still be chosen? You might think you're afraid of making the wrong decision, but guess what? You know what actually feels threatening? It's not being the responsible one anymore. Not being the one who always gets it right. And then when we go a layer deeper, the pattern is always almost this. If I stop being this version of myself, who am I? This version resists expansion because expansion threatens things that feel familiar. If you're not the strong one, who are you? If you're if you stop holding everything together, what actually happens? If you soften, do you lose your edge? Are people gonna respect you less? Are things gonna fall apart? That, my friends, is the real tension under the surface. Because the version of you that built this life, she knows how to survive, how to succeed, she knows how to perform, how to anticipate things, how to manage things, how to carry things, and how to deliver. She knows all the things, but she doesn't automatically know how to receive. She doesn't know how to let somebody else lead without correcting them. She doesn't know how to rest without trying to justify it. And that's why things can feel way heavier than they need to. In your business, it might look like you are overcomplicating strategies or struggling to delegate because if you're honest, it feels a lot better when you're handling things yourself. Things feel safer. It might look like constantly tweaking things, tweaking your message, tweaking your offers. And you know, you're doing these things and stuff just doesn't ever quite feel finished in your personal life. It might look like being the emotional manager or having a hard time letting somebody truly take care of you, or maybe feeling slightly restless when everything is actually calm, as if the calm means that something is about to go wrong. Yeah, just sitting around waiting for that shoe to drop. And if you're really honest with yourself, you might even realize that you've turned personal growth into another performance. You're not just building a business or a career, you're constantly optimizing yourself, healing, refining, evolving. And you know what? On the surface, that might actually look like conscious self-awareness. But sometimes it's just you still trying to prove things, just in a more spiritual or sophisticated form. And the problem is people don't respond to your personal growth resume or your accomplishments. They respond to your energy. And if your energy is still anchored in that proving energy, the people closest to you are gonna feel it. Your partner is gonna feel it when you can't actually fully relax into receiving or being supported. Your clients feel it when you start overexplaining things instead of simplifying and owning your authority, your body feels it because you can't settle down, and that is why expansion can feel very contracted instead of very spacious. Because at some point the work stops being about creating better habits or building better systems, and it becomes about your identity. And identity evolution can feel wildly destabilizing because it forces you to loosen your grip on being the one who always controls things and always has shit handled. And I'm gonna ask it again, and I want you to actually pause when you hear this question. If you drop the performance, who are you? If you're not proving and anticipating and managing and excelling, who are you? Those are the questions that you've probably been avoiding because it is a hell of a lot easier to refine a strategy. It's way easier to invest in another program or to double down on personal development than it is to let an old identity soften or to admit that an old identity that you've outgrown it. Your subconscious doesn't care about goals, cares about safety. And you know, all these things you've been doing, it kept you safe once. Your system's gonna defend those patterns, even now, if it is exhausting you. So when you say that you want more, more money, more visibility, deeper intimacy, and then you feel that tension instead of expansion, it's not because you're incapable of having those things, or because you need to manifest harder or try harder. It's because the version of you that survived through all of those performance-based things feels threatened now. And there's a difference between conditioning and design. Design being how you're wired. Conditioning taught you how to earn your place. Your design is what allows you to occupy it without needing to prove. The energy just doesn't match. So instead of asking, what strategy am I missing? I want you to ask yourself something deeper. Where are you still trying to lead by performing? Where are you overfunctioning because it feels safer than trusting? Why are you so afraid to take off all of that armor that you've been wearing for all of these years? Because the identity that built your business and your success, it's also shaping your marriage, your relationships, your boundaries, your health, your joy. Expansion really does require maturity. This is not about rejecting the version of you, the identity of you who built your success. It's about recognizing that she may not be the one who knows how to hold the overflow and who can carry you into the next level, who can walk with you into the next level. So if you're listening to this episode today and it feels kind of personal, good. It's supposed to. Because at this level, at this stage, you don't need more tactics. You need to become the woman who can actually hold what she says she wants. And if you're sitting there now thinking, uh, okay, so what do I actually do with this? This is exactly why I offer my free 30-minute subconscious strategy session. Because on that call, I'm gonna ask you some very direct questions about what you say you want and what you believe is actually in the way. And we're gonna be able to look at that and see where you might have some subconscious or energetic limitations and whether the way you're currently leading things and living is actually a match to how you're designed to create the life that you say that you want. It's a real conversation, it's a very honest conversation, and yeah, if it makes sense for you to go deeper or us to go deeper together into it, I'll tell you what that could look like. And if you're not ready to get on a call, but you like thinking at this depth, I want you to come and join me on Substack. It's free. Eventually I'll have a paid version of it where I bring in a lot of really cool shit. But right now, I'm just loving being over there and being able to create in a space that energetically feels really expansive and light, and the people there are just kind. I don't know how to explain it. And over there is where I'm gonna write things that I don't put on Instagram. They're longer thoughts, very less polished, probably a little more confronting. That space is gonna be for all of us who actually want to examine ourselves and not just collect inspiration. So I'm gonna drop both of those links in the show notes. And if you're not ready for either one, that's fine too. Just do not ignore what this episode probably surfaced for you. Because that tension you're feeling, that's a map showing you where the work is that you need to do. If this episode resonated with you, I would love and appreciate if you would go take a couple of seconds or minutes, leave a five-star rating and review wherever you listen to this podcast, because that really does help this podcast reach more people who could benefit from hearing this message. And also take a screenshot of this episode, tag me in Instagram, or send me a DM and tell me what part of this really hit home with you the the most. And until next time, here's to creating your limitless life.