A Firefighter Paramedic And His Wife Explain How They Make Home Life Work

Two days on shift sounds like a schedule. It’s actually a lifestyle that reaches into your kitchen, your sleep, your parenting, and your marriage. I’m Jake, a firefighter paramedic, and I’m joined by my wife, Kristie, to tell the truth about what our home life looks like from both sides of the job, with the unfiltered details that never made it into any academy lecture.

We talk through the practical reality of a 48/96 schedule: meal prep, packing bedding and backup uniforms, shift change, station moves, and how mandatory overtime can flip a plan in seconds. Then we get honest about what it costs at home, from missed family moments to the daily mental load of being the one who keeps dinner moving while the phone rings and the kids melt down. We even share the unforgettable “nail polish toilet” story, because sometimes the funniest memories are also the most revealing.

The deeper thread is first responder mental health and work-life balance. We cover what I need when I come home after hard calls, how Christy can tell when my vibe is off, why turning off alerts is a real decompression tool, and how the wrong kind of counseling can shut a person down. We also dig into how trauma and PTSD can quietly shape family safety rules, from seatbelts and helmets to fire extinguishers and unplugging lithium batteries at night.

If you’re a firefighter, paramedic, EMT, nurse, military member, or the partner who loves one, hit play and see what resonates. Subscribe for weekly drops, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more first responder families can find the conversation.

Transcript

Welcome To Call Residue

SPEAKER_01 0:08

You know, you spend enough years uh uh in this job, and it leaves something on you. Not always visible, not always something you can name, but it's there. I'm Jake. I'm a firefighter paramedic, and this is Call Residue. It's a podcast about what this life actually looks like. The calls you carry home, the stuff nobody briefs you on at the Academy. The ugly, the heavy, and sometimes the beautiful. Let's get to it. Sitting across from me is my wife, Christy, who honestly is running our entire life while I'm gone. You know, I'm on a 4896. This is this is a cult residue. And tonight we are talking about what our life is from both sides.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

So yeah. Hi.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Hi, honey.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

It's like we don't talk enough.

SPEAKER_00 1:10

I know. That's the number one complaint I'd have.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

I love talking with you. I think that you are you are my best friend, and I'm extremely honored to do this with you. Everyone listening, this this is the brains behind all of what has gone on in the last week and a half.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Almost two weeks, but not quite.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

I was feeling some angst and I was like getting some stuff off my chest, and she was like, You should really start a podcast. And I was like, Nobody wants to listen to me. Like, really? No, no, I'm good. She's very supportive, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

I just kind of want to say though, to us sitting on the back porch at night, we had a nice gas fire pit that we take camping, but it was like kind of ambient. It was the first night that we had kind of summer weather. And when I say that, like it was like 68 during the day, and maybe 50 at night.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Yeah. Yeah. It was it was nice.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

It was. So we were sitting on our back porch and and I was like, hey, so about that podcast thing. And he laughed and he goes, Oh, about that. And I'm like, Yeah, I really think that that we should do that. And he's like, No. And he kept saying no. And then he went to work and he did some stuff like over the next few days. And he came back and he's like, Yeah, when I was at work, I was telling somebody about the podcast idea, and you know, and he sounded excited about it. And I was like, this is it. I I can't let this excitement go. I need to jump. So here we are, day 13. We've already dropped our first episode. He has people, guests signed up already to, you know, come and drop their knowledge for you guys, and we're just running with it.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

So this was even a win. I was contacted by a lot of people I haven't heard and heard from in a while. And they're like, when's the next episode? So here we are. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Give the people what they want, Jake.

The Silence Around First Responder Stress

SPEAKER_01 3:13

This is where we've started, and it's been a whirlwind. It's been amazing with the support. And because this is a topic, the main topic that we're talking about is stuff that culturally you're trying to push down. First responders, military, EMS, nurses, doctors, they don't have a sounding board. They really do feel like they've got to just keep it in. And I felt the need for that. You know, there's some people that are selling stuff on on Instagram. I'm not trying to sell you anything. I'm just a guy with a mic now and talking with my wife, and now we're just recording stuff, which I feel very, very blessed to do.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

I feel like I'm gonna be like the least exciting guest that you're gonna have on.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

I mean, you uh you understand this. You were in EMT for what, six years?

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Yeah. And then you went into the OR.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

And we're there for nearly 15.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

16. Don't forget that last year.

What A 48/96 Shift Looks Like

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Yeah. Tonight's episode, we're just gonna talk about how our home life works. And yeah, it's it's it's quite funny because I've worked many different shifts. I've worked a 4896, I've worked a modified Detroit, I've worked countless amount of overtime. Some would say I take too much overtime. Some, I think a lot. I've worked a one-on-three off in a four platoon. You've worked at all. I've worked a lot of the different schedules.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

So I have a question for you. Walk me through what a 4896 looks like because I don't think some people realize how wild it is.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Like on how long it is? Yeah. You really have to do is prepare for food. One of the stations I work at is nowhere near a grocery store. So it's going to the grocery store the night before, the morning of, you walk through, you get your breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Sometimes you talk with the crew before, like this rotation. I've talked with the crew, and we're trying to plan a dinner on both on both days. Some crews do breakfast altogether. Some just grab a protein bar and and go and go out to the rig after shift change. So shift shift change for us is at eight. Some departments switch at seven, some switch at nine. There's a department that I I know that switches at six. I used to do that. That was horrible. And I had a two and a half hour commute. So I was up at like 2:30, 3 o'clock.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

No traffic though.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

It was no traffic, especially during COVID. There was no traffic. So I got to leave a little bit later. But so prepping for food, prepping for your like, you know, your clothes, your bedding, because you do stay at the station. And then yeah, sometimes you switch in the middle of your shift. So you switch to the other stations. And hopefully you don't have to. Switching does suck sometimes because you got to pack it all up again and send it to a you know, on a nice little field trip to the other station, especially if it's not your primary station. So you gotta take everything back the morning after you get off. Yeah, I mean, when you start a 48.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

So you're talking about like 48 hours. So 48 hours on, 96 off for the people that are.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

Yeah, for the people that that don't know our crazy schedules. On for two days, off for four. Normally relief gets there between seven, seven thirty, maybe seven forty-five at the latest. But yeah, you do shift change, which is your pass down, you you give to the person re leaving you. In my case, it's another paramedic, another paramedic driver, or if I'm sitting backseat, it could be the EMT that's relieving me backseat, and then the driver or the captain that's coming on that's the medic.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

That sounds so complicated.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

It's really hard to like keep track of who's coming in sometimes, but for the most part, it's pretty simple. You know where you're sitting most of the time. So you just go and you just find the person that you're relieving and Fagure out.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Fagure out.

Food Prep, Gear Prep, Headspace

SPEAKER_01 7:51

And put yourself on the rig, do your rig checks, and get ready for the day.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

So what's going through your head when you leave for a shift? Like when you wake up and you're going out the door.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

Prep starts the night before. So make sure my bag is ready to go.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

What's in your bag?

SPEAKER_01 8:10

My bag has multiple pairs of underwear, socks.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

In case you shit yourself.

unknown 8:16

No.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

It's just in case you get extended, right? Sometimes you get that nice M word, which is called mandatory, which I know you love.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Everybody at your department knows it.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

And then the also like running fires and you know, cleaning yourself off. And you always want to make sure you have extra pairs of stuff. So we have washer dryers, our stations are all set up like houses, right? Yeah. I mean, it it starts the night before meal prep, bag prep, making sure that you're on. If you did switch stations, and then I've done this before, make sure that your boots, your duty boots, are still in your truck.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Or you're gonna be like sporting the slides all shift.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Chief doesn't like that. So yeah, you don't you don't want to forget your duty boots because then you have to wear somebody else's boots, and that's pretty gross. It's the big ick. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

So and then when I leave for shift, I'm checking traffic. Recently, I've been turning on my notifications, and then I also check pulse point to see if there's any possible incidences on the freeway in neighboring departments before I get there. So you are so I can avoid it.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

You're such a good Eagle Scout for caring.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Yeah. And then Yeah, I try and leave an hour early. So I'm there at seven. Yeah, I my routine is I shower, shave, grab a quick little power bar or those little those bars you bought from Costco. I can't remember what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

I don't know, I buy so much stuff from power bars.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

You know, yeah, and then I walk in, I if the girls are still asleep, sometimes they're up if I give them a kiss on the forehead, and our son is always up when I leave. I hug him and then go and kiss you goodbye.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

I never remember because I am sign logs.

SPEAKER_01 10:28

And then I walk out the door. So that is my routine in the morning.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

Well, I'm glad that I found that out because I'm too busy sleeping when all this happens.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

I don't think you've ever been up.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

There'd be something wrong if I was up. Maybe when I did the nine to nine?

unknown 10:47

Yeah.

When Work Makes You Miss Home

SPEAKER_00 10:48

So I I might already know the answer to this, but maybe not. Has there ever been a moment on shift where something happened at home and you couldn't be there?

SPEAKER_02 11:03

I mean, countless things.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

I mean, besides family events, you know, when your brother was here last last year, I couldn't be here for that uh because I had to work. Soren broke her arm while I was working. Countless soccer and swim meets and basketball games. As far as incidents at home, I can remember one thing that is pretty laughable now because it's still plastered all over our our toilet.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

I thought we were gonna get there, but we can talk about it now.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

It's not what you think, and it's probably a similar answer to the question that I have for you.

The Nail Polish Toilet Story

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

And you probably have the same exact answer, and that is Well, we are one with each other. So the girls one morning were very, very sneaky. Their brother was at his dad's house.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Soren was three and Sutton was two.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Yeah. And so it was a weekend, and it might have been the summer, actually.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

I don't remember because it was so traumatic, that's all I can remember is what happened. They were so quiet, and they grabbed the nail polish, like in retrospect. Why have a whole bunch of nail polish and reach? But I did, because we had just moved into the house.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

We just moved into the house, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

I woke up and the girls had nail polish all over their faces, their hands, and I think I don't know, but the wall and the the walls, the hardwood floors, the everything. And they had taken the nail polish. I think they were because you know, they were we just did the potty training thing. So the first thing they did when they're in the bathroom with each other, because you know they're cheerleading each other on, is to find the nail polish and decide that they needed to make the toilet pretty.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

Pretty.

SPEAKER_00 13:00

So they took all different kinds of nail polish, sparkles, pink, black, it didn't matter. And they painted the inside of the toilet and it looked like a magical painting. Yes. If I wasn't so upset and shocked, I probably would have really appreciated their artwork. But yeah, it was everywhere. And then the reason why it was all over, well, it was all over the bathroom floor, and then the gnome, which, you know, fingernail polish. I did not fingernail polish the toilet though, because that gave me the ick. But I cleaned all that up and then I went down the hallway, and there was still some, and then they walked me into the garage where they were painting the wall and the wall and the concrete and the concrete floor. And I was like, wow, to this day, when people come over guests, I have to be like, they're like, Where's your bathroom? And I'm like, it's over there. Oh, by the way, don't be afraid of the toilet.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

It looks like a mosaic painting.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Yeah. And when they come out, they're like, wow, you were you were onto something. That's right. And then I have to tell all of our guests the story. So some of you might already know the story, but that's the story that that and Jake couldn't be there.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

No, I couldn't be there. And then of course, countless, yeah, just countless home like like kid events.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

You know, you tr you try to make it for everything that you can, you know.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

I've I mean when when Sutton was like, Are you gonna miss my field trip?

SPEAKER_01 14:43

And I said, Nope, I'm off that day.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

Did you sign up?

SPEAKER_01 14:47

I did not. I'm going to though.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Oh my gosh, that question. You didn't sign up. Yeah. She's gonna have your head, that girl.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Yeah, so I I will have to now since she knows that I'm off.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

Might have to pick up some overtime that day.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Dear Lord.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

All right, you ready for some my questions? Shoot 'em. Shoot 'em. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

So what is the hardest part of holding everything down while I'm gone?

SPEAKER_02 15:16

But I know you're amazing at this, but I know that it's like it's something that we won't really talk about.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

It's kind of like an unspoken type thing.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

It's only spoken about when I'm like losing my mind. But like the day-to-day stuff, I guess we don't talk about all that much. I mean, me and you communicate like every day.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Every day.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

We have great communication. But what is like holding everything down? It's a learned thing. Now that the kids are older, because they're five, six, and sixteen, it's much easier. I also have to put this in there that I I was holding it all down with a very bad back injury. So that was just an added layer to everything.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

But that was all that was also the underlining of you know, like a an a blessing of the fact that you were like the kids have always had you home.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Besides, besides Aiden.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Our two littlests don't remember. No, they literally think that women are at home and the dads go to work.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

Which is not what I want them to know. So me either.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

It actually enrages me when I hear them say that. But anyways, so soccer, getting them ready for soccer. I coached this last year, so doing all that, doing snacks, and then you know what else do they do? Aiden did swimming, they did baseball, all both of the girls did baseball, taking them to all that, finding time to do dinner because when is that gonna happen? And showers keeping the house clean.

SPEAKER_02 17:14

You do a fantastic job like managing it all, like yeah. So next one.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

What's one thing you wish people understood about being the one at home?

SPEAKER_00 17:34

How many directions I'm being pulled in? I am constantly I I'm making a meal, maybe the phone's ringing, I have the kids arguing, or maybe Most likely your dad, just so you know. Or your mom or a telemarketer, or you. I feel like everybody knows, like there's a camera in the house, and they're like, right now, so chaotic, let's fucking call. I feel like, because I'm like, this is the worst time, and my phone's like ringing off the hook, but and then I'm having like you know, a kid be like, What my butt? yelling from the bathroom, and I'm like, this is too much. So yeah, it's sometimes it's a lot, and then I put the kids to bed, and I need to relax. So, how I relax, like any sane woman, I watch murder shows because how else do I relax before bed? And Jake won't watch murder shows because he doesn't like them. So I literally can only watch them when he's not there. So that's like, you know, that's my relaxation. If he's home, then I don't need to watch murder shows because you know, his vibe is there and I'm already relaxed. But yeah, that's that's what it's like when I'm the only one home. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

You do a fantastic job. Thank you. I'm very, very blessed. And I'm extremely excited that you've found this new passion because literally when you got injured, it was a long time. Like this has been a long time to see you be so happy about something because you lost your identity. And I wanted to give that back to you. And it it really is absolutely a beautiful thing that you have somehow convinced me to do this. I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

I I don't know if it's convincing or forced you, but here we are.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

You you convinced me because I somehow bought into it.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

So I think it was you telling your coworkers and your friends about it, just bouncing it off of them, like in a nonchalant way, like, yeah, Christy wants me to do this podcast. And they were like, Yeah, you should. And so it gave you the confidence to be like, oh, maybe I can. And I I it shop me if I'm wrong, but I I that's how I feel it actually progressed.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

That's I mean, that's exactly how it progressed. And then just after launching the first episode and the amount of feedback that I got, you know, people going, hey, when's this? When's this? When's this? I was like, wow, people actually want to listen. All right, cool.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Who wouldn't want to listen to you?

SPEAKER_01 20:21

My very first guest is my best friend, the woman that I love, the woman that makes me the like pushes me to be a better man, a better person, and I can't thank you enough. So here we are.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

I'm your like little cheerleader, always.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Always 10 years. Yeah, wouldn't be in the spot where I'm in at today professionally, personally, without you. So the support goes beyond just you know me walking through the door and you saying hi instead of do you know what happened to?

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Yeah, that's my stress level. You know, like do you know what happened while you were on shift? Yeah. It's sometimes it's pretty insane.

SPEAKER_01 21:11

Oh, and guys, you want to and and and gals, you want to know the secret if your spouse is not on shift uh with you when you get home. Don't go, oh man, I slept all night. Bad idea, especially when you have a sick kid at home. So I've done that once.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

There is no better way to get me raging if I slept all night and I come in.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

I cry about it.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

When I'm home with so much going on, single parenting it, and you're like, oh man, I haven't slept that well in like I don't know how long. And I'm like, oh, daggers in my eyes for you. Yeah, you know it's really funny because we've been doing this for years, but every morning you're like, Good morning, beautiful. And I'm I'm like, I'm like, good morning, baby. And then the first question is, how'd you sleep last night? I I feel like you gauge it because you're like, How'd you sleep last night? And I'm like, oh, it sucks because you know, blah, blah, blah, peed the bed, and I had to get up and I had to change it, and I had to give them a shower, and then, you know, change their pajamas and put them back into bed.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

And the dogs wanted to go out.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

And the dogs wanted to go out and whatever, blah, blah, blah. And then your response is, oh yeah. I mean, we had calls up until 4 a.m. And I just finished my report and I only had 30 minutes of sleep and now I'm coming home. Or, or when I'm like, you're like, how did you sleep? And I'm like, oh, I slept so good. And then your response is, yeah, me too. We didn't have any calls at night. And I'm like, is this a pissing match? Are we engaged in each other?

SPEAKER_01 22:52

It's when you sleep well, I sleep well. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

I've always wondered.

What We Need After Hard Calls

SPEAKER_01 22:55

When I do text you, like, what am I gonna walk into? You know. So, but yeah, no.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

So when you come home after a heart check, what do you need from me?

SPEAKER_02 23:10

I mean, you've done it since day one.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

When I came home after that infant CPR and we were pregnant, and I just was like, I'm just gonna hug my baby bump and fall asleep.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

And that's exactly what I did. It was a hard freaking night. Because we had four calls after that. One of them was a was another CPR, but yeah. You've always been great.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Now we have all the kids in school. So now I come home. We sit down, we drink our coffee or our monster energy drinks, which I'm currently on, and talk about an addiction. Holy crap.

SPEAKER_00 23:54

He's a recovery, but not for monster.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

Oh, monster is. I think I need to go to Monster Anonymous. We sit down.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

The dogs jump on me, and you know. And we just talk. You know, you know when there's a tough, like a tough shift.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

I come in quiet. I come in like, hey, how's it going? You're like, you know, your little spidey senses go up, even if I hadn't mentioned it at all.

SPEAKER_00 24:21

Vibes off.

SPEAKER_01 24:22

Vibes off.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

That and I know you very well.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

Yeah. Or if I had some frustrating calls. Patient care went amazing. But then you read the the post up follow-up care, and you're like, I missed what?

SPEAKER_02 24:37

Yes, we missed things, but and I don't have x-ray vision, you know, but the biggest thing is the support, just not being like that counselor and saying, I can't, I can't write down.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

That was so wild to me when you came home and told me that because the whole reason why you went to her is to help you with your PTSD and traumas, like work-related stuff.

SPEAKER_02 25:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

It made me mad. Coming from a person, me, who's been in counseling for decades for trauma and PTSD, it made me so angry and it made me so sad for you.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

Yeah. Yeah, it was frustrating.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

I actually never have gone back to a counselor since.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

I know because I've asked you about it and you brought up that moment, and I left it at that because just that incident is traumatizing in itself, I think.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

I mean, you've been my sounding board.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

So And I love it because I think that's what makes our relationship stronger and our communication so great is the understanding.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

I also feel like, even though, you know, Aiden doesn't know it, but there were a lot of calls when he was younger.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

Like that teen teenager that was shot up at the park. Yeah. And just going and spending time with him. And I just took him to the park, or did I take him to Chuck E. Cheese?

SPEAKER_00 26:14

That was the Chucky Cheese. That was the Chuck E.

SPEAKER_01 26:16

Cheese day. Yeah. Yeah. We got like 3,000 tickets.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

Oh my gosh, you guys.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

We'll play for like four hours. We still have one of the little like spiky balls, though.

SPEAKER_00 26:26

You know what? He loves that.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:31

Yeah.

Decompression And Turning Off Alerts

SPEAKER_00 26:32

So is there ever a shift where you just can't turn it off when you walk in? I I think we kind of already answered that, but yeah, I think I think when you have those life-changing ones.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Well, especially when I, you know, live so close or work so close to where you live.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

There was no decompression. There was no drive. There was no radio silence home, right? To go through your thoughts for an hour, two hours, however long my commute was, depending on where I was coming from.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

I know we talked a little bit about how you worked where we lived, you know. I think another aspect of that, on top of the no time for decompression, is it's a small town. And you know people, whether you know their aunt or you know your your parents grew up with them in the church or whatever it is. I'm just throwing things out there. There is such a connection with the community, you know.

SPEAKER_02 27:44

It definitely is a different decompression rate.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

At least when you have a little bit of a drive, you have that decompression where you're like, all right, so I'm gonna walk in, a little quick prayer of just like, just take this from me. Like I to my higher power of just like, I can't do anything about this right now. I need to be home with my family, be present. And that's why you got to turn off the alerts. You know, and I know that you and I have had that talk where you have the alert still on, and you know that is one of your biggest pet peeves.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

We've had that talk multiple times, and then it gets better, and then it goes over time it reverts back, and then we have to have the talk again. But I I want to say, I think you're getting it for sure.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

This time?

SPEAKER_00 28:35

Yeah, this time.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

It's been like four months.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Well, I'm not counting days, but if you want to say that, it was the first of the year.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

It was it was my it was my resolution of saying, when I come home, I'm going to like on my way home, my alerts come off, and that's it.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

I love that for me.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

Yes, I love that for you too.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

Because I get the benefit of it. Well, you know what you do too.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

All of spring break, because I had 17 days off.

SPEAKER_02 29:05

I didn't know a single thing that was going on at work.

Overtime, Kids, And Balance

SPEAKER_00 29:11

I think that that's wonderful. And I think that that is.

SPEAKER_02 29:13

I said no to what, seven overtime shifts?

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Six overtime shifts?

SPEAKER_00 29:19

Probably. I wasn't every time you asked, I'd be like, no. So I didn't count. I was just like, no. I think it's like work life balance.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

And I And it's also the respect that we have for each other of like, hey.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

For the balance, because that's what will throw a relationship off kilter.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Is when you don't have that work life balance, especially when you have kids in the mix. It's not about me. Like me and you talk about like what I need, but it's really about the kids. It is. It's like the kids want to see you. Sometimes you're like, hey, can I take the shift when you're already at work? And I'm like, you told the kids I'll see you in two days. So they live and breathe by what you say. So you are gonna be the one to ask them. I just don't tell them, you're gonna ask them, hey, is it okay if I work this extra day? And see what they say because it's their opinions too.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

They both have cried when I've had to go to shift.

unknown 30:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:17

Well, I'm not I'm not even talking about mandatory stuff because you can't help that. But it's the extra, you know, shifts.

SPEAKER_01 30:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

So I get it. Is there something that I do that you didn't expect would help? But it does.

SPEAKER_02 30:37

You allow me to rest if I need rest.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

It's only fair you do that to me.

unknown 30:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

Uh the like you uh you allow me to rest, you allow me to, you know, get tattoos.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

That's your new thing. That and monster energy.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

So I'm trying my best not not to, but I'm on you.

SPEAKER_00 30:57

I told the girls at the local gas station that I'm gonna make a poster with your name on it that says do not sell to him. And they're on board. They just want me to make it.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

Yeah, that's true. You are spreading the word.

SPEAKER_00 31:09

I am.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

Like I said, you've been fantastic since the beginning.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

So I think you know, you you knowing that I just needed time or I needed, you know, that extra time with your baby bump.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

My baby bump loved it.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

Yeah, it was good. But yeah, no, it's hey, let's get away with this weekend, you know. You come up with some amazing like getaways, and it's fun. Like going to Leavenworth or going down to like our random trips. That's the one reason why we couldn't live in Hawaii, is because in our four-hour trips, we'd just be back where we're at.

SPEAKER_00 31:52

I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

I mean, we randomly go to Canyon Beach, we go to like we just do random trips. Like we don't really plan.

SPEAKER_00 32:01

No, you just get up and you go. I mean, it's a little bit harder with you know kids that decide they need to change their socks before we leave, and it takes them 24 hours to do that.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

Well, one of the kids doesn't wear socks ever.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

So true.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

Yeah, she's our little hippie.

SPEAKER_00 32:17

She is a hippie.

SPEAKER_02 32:21

So when I come home after a 48, what do you need from me?

SPEAKER_00 32:26

Not to make sexual advances.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 32:30

I thought then when you said when I asked you when you come home after a shift, what do you actually need for me? I thought I knew what that answer was, but you didn't go there.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

No, I didn't.

SPEAKER_00 32:39

But we're going there. He always starts like the night before. Or you know, let's just be honest. The whole time he's there, he's like, hey, I wish I had my arms around you. Like the whole time. That's how we talk. That's it's lovely. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 32:59

You don't want to talk about it? I mean, you're hot.

SPEAKER_01 33:03

So there's that. But anyway.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

Well, thank you, baby.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

You know, you are you're gorgeous, and yeah, I I mean I love holding your hand.

SPEAKER_02 33:19

I love kissing you.

SPEAKER_00 33:20

I love it too.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

So, best night's sleep is when I'm laying next to you.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Just give me like four to six hours, honestly, relaxing. It's too much right away.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

Have you ever been able to tell just by looking at my face walking in or the way I walk in?

SPEAKER_00 33:42

Yeah, you you're a little like more quiet.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

And that's usually when I'll follow you into the bedroom when you put your stuff down. I'm like, hey, what happened? How was your shift? I feel like we talk all shift long. Well, not all shift long because you're pretty busy.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

But yeah, playing pickleball and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

Yeah, pickleball, pranking each other.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

No, we work hard.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

But yeah, so I just walk in behind you and check on you, you know, when the kids aren't around or and maybe they're at school or whatever. And just if you can, talk it out with you. Let you vent whatever you can vent. Because I know that that's so important.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

I'm not your therapist that said, don't talk to me about this, it's too much.

SPEAKER_02 34:36

Yeah, no, right.

Marriage As The Safe Place

SPEAKER_00 34:37

I'm like, give me, give me more. Tell me what's upsetting you so I can ease, you know, your pain or take some pebbles off of your shoulder so it doesn't feel so heavy.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

Yeah, it's definitely a a give and take.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

Um having the support is by far the healthiest part. And early in our relationship, in my past real relationships, maybe I didn't feel like I could talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

So I held it in, I started using alcohol as a crutch. Started to think, wow, no like no one's talking about it at work, so I must be the like only one feeling this way.

SPEAKER_02 35:31

And then, you know, you just start to spiral down and next thing you know, you're getting hammered alone and your own bedroom.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

I'm glad that you feel that I'm a safe place because I think that that's so important for everybody to have a safe place to drop their shit at, you know? Like, you don't have to carry it around all day.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:01

Or a month or a week or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 36:03

Like it's important to put it down sometimes. As often as you can.

SPEAKER_01 36:13

I outkicked my uh my coverage uh uh with you. Like I am I am so lucky that swipe right and yeah, I so this is a commercial break for Bumble.

SPEAKER_00 36:32

We're doing a shout-out to Bumble. They can pay us anytime they want. Just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

Yeah, just kidding. Um yeah, like I I definitely outkicked my coverage because I've been at rock bottom and you literally like all you wanted me to do was stop drinking. I well stop coping that way.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Yeah. I well, I you even hid your addiction and use from me.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

Yeah, I mean, but there we are.

SPEAKER_02 37:01

Yeah, I'm very, very lucky.

SPEAKER_00 37:04

I love you.

Safety Rules Shaped By The Job

SPEAKER_01 37:05

I love you too. So a big thing in our house is safety, of course. We call our 16-year-old Mr. Safety. The fact that he's now like got his permit and he's driving, he's probably the most cautious 16-year-old I think I've ever met. You know, takes wide turns like he's driving a freaking semi at very slow rates so he can see the curve and see everything. But a big line that you'll hear our kids say is if you don't wear your seatbelt, you go through the windshield.

SPEAKER_00 37:35

Yeah, we're just building trauma from the conception. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:41

Yeah. I uh I don't know where that came from one night or one day. It's because they refused to wear their seatbelt when they were they they were starting to take their uh their seatbelts off while we were driving.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

Yeah, well and we got so frustrated. And the worst thing you can have is kids that are defiant over safety with two parents that have seen and witnessed traumatic events.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

Not that it was right, but yeah, that's what happened.

SPEAKER_02 38:15

This is what PTSD does to people. I've only I've only had one clinician say that I borderline PTSD.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

What?

SPEAKER_01 38:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

I'm not a clinician, I'm your wife, and I call bullshit on that.

SPEAKER_01 38:41

But that was eight years ago, um, even so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:47

Well, come join the club. So rules at home because of the job.

SPEAKER_01 38:54

I mean, being safe, like wearing seatbelts, helmets. I mean, Aiden will just go down the street, like telling the girls, where's your helmet?

SPEAKER_00 39:04

We drive in the car, and if they see anybody without a helmet, they like freak out like it's a federal offense.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

Yeah, like when we were driving, they're like, they don't have a helmet. They're going to jail.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

So at least they didn't say they're going to die because I could see that coming out of their mouth.

SPEAKER_01 39:23

Yeah, for a while they were they were obsessed with death. Like, oh, they died. And explaining death to the kids is kind of natural because they asked. Sutton asked if I if I see people die, and I said, Yeah. And she's very sweet about it. And she gave me a hug and she said, It's okay, Daddy. But safety's a big thing in our. I mean, we have a fire extinguisher almost everywhere in our house. We have CO2 detectors. You when we leave, obsession here unplugs everything, everything gets unplugged.

SPEAKER_00 40:01

Anything with a lithium battery.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Well, this is why my electric drill is always dead.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

Yes. This is also why the kids side by side is always dead in the garage.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:13

This is also why I don't own an electric vehicle or have electric, like lawn mower or anything like that, because they would all be dead because I would walk around and unplug it because I refuse to have those things plugged into the garage while we're sleeping.

SPEAKER_01 40:32

Yeah. Or while or while we're gone. Yeah, while we're gone. Because of fires, the past fires I've been to. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:41

Not on my watch.

SPEAKER_01 40:42

No, definitely, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Don't gotta tell me twice. That and my great-grandmother, when I was 17 or 18, Lake City, their entire house went up in flames because of a baseboard heater, and they had a whole bunch of stuff in there. And it just was very well fed that fire. And like coming from Shoreline where I lived, just getting on the freeway or whatever, you could see the black plume of smoke from Shoreline to Lake Cityway.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

Lake City.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

It was insane. And that was also a traumatic thing.

Listener Support And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 41:18

Like it's been an absolute honor and blessing to have everyone's comments and calls and text messages. Even our 16-year-old listened to it and was like, when's the next episode?

SPEAKER_00 41:37

Yeah, that's actually the number one question we have gotten all day is when is the next episode? Did you guys seriously just drop one episode? Because I feel like I need more.

SPEAKER_02 41:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:49

And so give the people what they want. Keep going.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

More, more, more. We just have to work around your 4896, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 42:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

Yeah. I mean, we'll see. We'll see where this all goes. But I'm really excited on where things are.

SPEAKER_00 42:09

I'm so excited for you.

SPEAKER_01 42:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:12

And I'm excited for all the listeners that get to, you know, get some knowledge on things maybe they didn't already know, or just think I'm not alone.

SPEAKER_02 42:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:27

I mean, anyone that has been in a relationship that doesn't support this. I've been there.

SPEAKER_02 42:34

The communication just wasn't positive. Wasn't, you know. Did you feel like they supported you? Not really. A lot of it was couldn't understand on why I wanted to do this.

SPEAKER_01 42:55

Why I wanted to run into burning buildings and go help people that I didn't know, and there's a little bit of a disconnect.

SPEAKER_02 43:06

You know, and that's okay. It just wasn't the right time.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

I just want everybody to know that we're sitting across the table from each other, just like googly-eyed at each other this entire time.

SPEAKER_01 43:19

We're disgusting. Our kids are right. We're disgusting. I just absolutely adore her.

SPEAKER_02 43:25

I love you. I love you too. Again. We want to hear from you. Thanks for listening. Submit your questions. Follow for more.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

Well, that's a wrap on this one. If something we talked about is home, share it with somebody who needs to take care of it. You probably already know who that is. New episodes drop every week. I'm Jake. This is Call. residue. Stay safe out there and if you're not okay, that's okay too. We'll talk about it.