Enjoy Your D*rgs Ladies

This week on the porch we’re smoking Kaizen by Garden Greens — sativa leaning, social high, clear euphoric head. Perfect for a conversation that was supposed to be normal and was not even a little bit normal.
We open with exploding sour Warheads candy that genuinely feel like doing drugs, debate whether smoking alone officially crosses the line (Deb’s ruling: that’s drugs), and somehow end up with Shaquille O’Neal’s anatomy becoming a recurring topic of conversation for reasons that made total sense at the time.

This is one of our more unhinged conversations. We are not apologizing for it.
Pull up a chair. 🌿​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi, I'm Haley. And I'm Amanda. And this is Moms on the Porch, the podcast from Moms Who Get It. Every week we're on the porch talking cannabis culture, mom life, adult friendship, and everything in between. No guilt, no gatekeeping, just good conversation and zero apologies. If you've ever stepped outside after bedtime and finally exhaled, this one's free.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Enjoy your drugs, ladies.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

So, all right, you want to try garden greens? Sure. Oh, it is a two fat. I don't understand. Oh, that's cool. I won't get one free. Should I read the strange transstrong? Yeah. This is one that my sister-in-law got me. So I don't know anything about it. Garden Greens. Kaizen's a kaizen. Okay. It's gonna give me couch loss. Kaizen. It's called Kaizen. There is the word couchlos in here. Kaizen by Garden Greens is a sativa weaning Z cross that blends fruity candy terps with an uplifting, clean, burning high, ideal for daytime or early evening sessions. Perfect for an early evening. It's phenomenal. And it's daily Kittles style nose with sweet tropical and citrus notes backed by subtle gas. Love subtle gas. I don't, I don't and a peppery edge from something and something else. The effects uh tend to come on as a clear, euphoric head high with a relaxed body that stays functional rather than heavy, making Kaizen a solid choice for socializing. This is what you wanted. Yes, one of the things that you're talking about creative warm. Oh perfect. I could do this before my life.

unknown 1:21

I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Or unwinding without couch luck. Okay. Solds because I'm gonna be solo momming and gives it a feel that is both cheerful and soothing. Overall, Kaizen gets the modern desert lane, loud candy flavor. I've gotta tell you, there's some words in there that I feel like you're speaking another language. And I'm like, I skip over some and I'm like, I'm not even gonna try that one. Also, THC is very high just in FYI. Well, how high is it? The terps are more important 30.93. Okay, the original touchbox one though was like 50 something. You remember that? Yeah. What do you rain man? Sometimes. For someone who's not very good with numbers, I actually really like them. Oh, I think I taste the gas. Kind of weird taste, right? Are you going to field date tomorrow? Yep. We have to go at 9.15. I have to go at 1.45. Great. Pickup's gonna be awesome tomorrow. I'm just gonna take them right away. Although they probably won't allow it. They'll probably meet them. I'll go back to the classroom. I started writing the calendar for a post. But I think that my mind at 9.30 wasn't like as absurd. So I had to like put it aside. I'm like, I'm like, the things that I'm writing are just reality. Reality is nuts, but I feel like there's also the line of like what it feels like that's not reality. Yes, I if we had done, if we had had this conversation in May, it would have felt a lot worse than it does right now as we're staring down like nine days of school left, just a little easier. Yeah, but okay, so one made the spelling being and one didn't. Oh that's a thing that we're dealing with now. It doesn't, because you know what? You're two different people. Bailey's the athlete. So we we like yell and cheer and scream when she scores a basket, when she shoots a goal, when she and them doesn't get that. So, like, can't you just be mature and realize like this is my this is her this is her moment? Yeah, it's so fucking annoying. But I mean I'm competitive too, but but still, it's your sister. But again, pick me. Oh fuck Mrs. Pick me. She's so annoying. This does have a weird lemony. There's like something. Do parents usually go to field day? Do parents?

SPEAKER_03 3:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Not well, you did he ask for volunteers this year? I didn't see an email. But who knows at this point what we're fucking finding out and when. Usually Aaron's volunteer and work each station. I've gone every year. Tastes like a like a lemon Windex, right? Taste that? Lemon Windex? Like a lemon cleaning. Doesn't taste like weighed to me. It's a lemony. I don't know. It's a lemony. My mom never even takes a line. Oh, I got lemon on that one. Yeah. Your mom's ignoring us? Tell her I'll treat her a dozen cookies. She doesn't know how to work a phone. Really, she doesn't. How do I turn this alarm on? Oh no, I'm getting lemon. So one of the moms asked me if I would run a 5K with her. Like for shits and nickels? Double run. So it's just a like a fun run kind of thing. But I'm like, how many is five K? Three something last. So like what I just did. Yeah. Didn't I just have this? Well, she's not gonna walk, and then we're not doing it together. Well, then you have to say no because your situation isn't the same on how you would like perceive anything like that. Okay. Um ironically, I was going to talk about husband-free and kid-free routines. Like, what does it look like when you are free of everybody? Which is so you can't even have a routine. That's routinely. So funny because my husband was supposed to be gone and my kids were supposed to be gone, and my husband's still home and my kids are about to be home. Kelly, the amount of times that that happens within a year, I could probably count a one hand. Well, for me, it's more because my mother-in-law will take a baby when the kids are at school. So like I'm getting once a week. Years not very often. No, on Mondays, it's usually me and Al are home. Right. Al would be there though. Yeah. So like when the kids aren't home, then we'll watch whatever we want to watch on TV. And I might make dinner, might just pick at leftovers. Usually it's picking at leftovers these days. Yeah, why would you make one by yourself? Because I can make something different or spicy or you know. I like to cook. No, I get that, but I don't want to waste my time that I have to just like be on my own with food. But it's like my favorite thing to do, and the children take the joy out of that a lot of the times. So I like every once in a while on the Monday, I will cook something that's high when you do it.

unknown 5:17

No.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

If I'm not smoking with you, I'm not that you're not what.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

You're not what, exactly. What the fuck were you about to say? Get the lie detector test. I was gonna say not high, but that's not really true anymore. You're doing chocolates, you're doing 20 grams of chocolate at a time. Knock out at night and sleep food. And you're drinking wings that are 10 at a time. Yeah. No more. Skirt. I feel good. I do feel good. I feel like it we're probably headed up because we pretty much finished this. Never smoked this before, which we usually don't do. We usually are like, let's test this out. You know, I I can tell you. But because it didn't have schmutz around the outside, it's okay. This is not drugs. This is just smoking cannabis. No, I also think the really strong ones we typically feel after like two or three hits. And that's when I get started. I know there are some weeds that creep up. It's a creeper weed. You never had creeper weed as a kid. As a kid. As a young smoker, I've had creeper weed. It's creeper weed. I don't remember. It just fucking hits you out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

I I was high so much. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

I know, but I don't remember. You were getting whatever weed you could get. Yeah. So that could have been creeper weed. That's yeah. That would have told you though. In the description. Not there's no description when you're not buying it from a dispensary.

unknown 6:32

No.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

That's what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

So high that comes out of nowhere, it would tell you. Oh, well. These are not that sour strawberries, no. So that woman in the parking lot today. Yeah. Who was that where oh the post office, you said. Well, that wasn't the beginning of it. Oh my gosh. There's a story behind that. It's not a story. It's not a story. It's fucking toothless weird situation. But she didn't be sure she's driving. No. You can't be sure. You cannot be 100% positive that wasn't toothless. But you saw a picture of her face. I didn't. Have you ever seen her face? No. You've never seen her before. You've never seen Toothless Homeless. No, no, no, no. Oh, we could zoom on the video. I mean, it's still very far away. It looks like a freaking mannequin in the mailbox. She's so creepy. I think they're different. Never know. So what do you'll end to the post office at the post office at the mailbox? I pull into the parking lot of the post office. I hate when all the spots in the front are filled. It's rare, but like it happens. And so like I'll circle back and hope by the time I get back, somebody's like, pull out by then. So I did that once. The first time that I did it, you know, you go to the back of the post office. And sometimes there's trucks there, or sometimes there's like, but usually there's nothing. Well, that coffee place is opening up next to it.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

So there's two coffee trucks parked, not in the parking spot, but like diagonal. So like taking up some space. Toothless uh I don't, I didn't see her tooth, her teeth. Homeless was parked in the middle of the street, out of her car, parked, watched me pull in between the van and her car to make sure I guess I didn't hit it. Meanwhile, you're parked in the middle of the street. Yeah. And I'm like, what the actual fuck? Again, it's a what the actual fuck moment. Is this here? No, it's waiting. So I'm like, what the fuck? And I pull around again. Because I was leaving, I guess, and she had parked it in a parking spot now and was walking on you. Picking shit out of throw things or flu. I don't know. This is the woman I took a picture in Cynthia. She it was like the trucks were like parked like this, and she's parked like this. So I had to get through this tiny little space in between them. And she fucking watched it. I know. Doesn't this pilot know that we have a microphone out? Can you not, sir? Or ma'am? It's pretty good, the garden greens. Yeah. Okay with it. Yeah. I don't feel I don't feel sweaty. They say you shouldn't. It's a it's the social high, so you shouldn't feel fucking majorly womped. No. It's a good body, I like it. Feel buzzy. Like I could definitely There's people walking. We could people watch. Those are my neighbors. So much traffic happening. Look at that. I can't even keep up with all the traffic. I forget what I'm saying. Oh, the girls? When we were walking, my mom couldn't walk. So she had to wait for us. And then I think Liv was like, what's Grandma Deb gonna do? I'm like, we're walking the whole time, which was like an hour walk. I'm like, your grandma's gonna sit there and people watch. That's what she does. That's what she does best. Right now. That's exactly what she did. You seem like a moody. I'm moody because they're coming back. It's I it's made me anxious. Waiting for them to arrive. Now we're just waiting for it to happen.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

No, I know.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

And I feel like I've had like today. I don't know, man. I'm a little burned out, to be honest. I get that. Cranky. It was a busy weekend. Yeah. And I just did I just did the calendar too. Started plotting things out, and then we're trying to figure out the last two weeks of camp that we need to find something for them. What do you mean? After town camp. Oh, you signed them up for something else too. Yeah. Oh, good. I signed them up for one thing already. And then I need to still fill out two more weeks. Is there a lacrosse camp or anything? It overlaps with town camp. Oh I don't want them to be around. There's only one showing of it. Both the weeks are town camp weeks. There's build there's a lot of other things that other people do that they do weekly. Yeah. I can give you the names of some of you. I did I did a um I already did one week camp and then we're waiting to see if the school does that kindergarten prep camp. How long was that? It's two weeks. Was it really? Was it all day? Three hours, two hours? It was quick. I really want Ava to do it. I think it's gonna help her. It was great for Harper. There's nothing wrong with it. You should take any type of thing that you can get to help you. It's just that's what I'm waiting for to book the last camp for them because I'll either send if Ava just. Why don't you call the principal and just ask her if they're doing it? They don't know yet. How did they not know yet? They just asked who was interested, like a week and a half ago. Things I should have done like in May. I know. Things they should have done in May, they should have done it right after Town Camp opened. They should have asked if people were interested. Because once town camp happens and everybody's trying to frankens the rest of their summer and fill it out. Yeah, put it together. When she starts, when it hits her, this is my mom we're talking about. When the joint hits her, when she's had a couple hits, uh-huh, hits her, uh-huh, and she just comes out to play. And it it I could at one point, because I just kept every time she would say something, I was texting you every time I was hysterical, but texting you, so I had notes. Uh-huh. She goes, I'm just gonna stop talking to you. You're gonna text her again? I'm gonna stop talking to you. I'm gonna stop talking. It's funny. Uh yeah, sorry, I couldn't function. I woke up so early to clean and make food and get ready. No, but it's only because you overdid it with the wine, otherwise you could have come probably, yeah. I just I felt, but it was like, you know, when you're so tired that you feel sick? It's a combination. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I had like I was exhausted. I was having such a hard time keeping my eyes open, and then I was feeling ill. So sorry, sorry, I missed it. I think you could have sucked up the tiredness if you didn't feel the nauseous. Yes, because I had powered one at the recital. Yeah. Because you're five and six year olds. You can power through tiredness, you can't power through nausea. No, it's miserable. No, you can't. You just because you can't you can't push, there's nothing, there's no control over that, you know. Okay, so we know what happened Friday because you were here and we liked up for Friday. And there was Saturday. Three games. Yeah. First one was at 9 30, softball games. Second one was at 12 30. Mind you. Okay, so I leave him in the car with the air on, and I like am five steps away from the car watching from the parking lot because you can see the field is like right there. So I'm like, like I can see both. Yeah. Do you know how many times I had to go back and forth from the field to home? Why? This doesn't happen very often to me. You forgot stuff? No. Had to go to the bathroom. Oh shit. Literally. Yes. And it's one of it's like the hold on tight. I don't know if I'm gonna make it all the worst. Yeah, it's those. And I I uh right here, I'm like, I'm I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. Let me just fucking go, let me just fly through you guys. And I almost got hit because I thought he was I thought I could make it. Clearly I couldn't. So I finally get home and I and then I have to go back because that oh my god. So our team has a bunch of girls on it, but of course Saturday was dance recite all day, like you had. And all those girls were either at the morning show or the afternoon show. So, like by the time it got to the 3:30 game, there wasn't many left. Yeah, because at our dance studio we have a two o'clock and a six o'clock. Yeah, and I didn't realize it at first I was like, oh my god, this girl is really pushing it. She's gonna miss like the the opening show because she's just playing. And I'm like, Oh wait, there's a second showing, that's why. Okay, so you were in that show one year. No, then it all made sense to me because I knew you were there, and I'm like, what the fuck is she doing? So then I thought I told you this before, but I thought I was having another one of those be confronted in the parking lot once which was strange. Like, I don't because you were obsessed with my son. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. Then we get home and Debbie arrives with her cart. Now you saw the cart. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's the one she loves. That's funny. It's like perfect sizing difference. No, but when I saw you with it, you must have been bringing stuff out to the car for you.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Yeah. For her. It's not a tracks, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

It's small enough that it fits. Yeah, but it's and rectangular is hard to like maneuver as opposed to circular. That's practical to all shit. Right, but you don't have to have stolen it from a store. You could have bought it like an bought one on Amazon. Yeah, like my brother did. Right. Okay. Let me preface this with for a couple years. My mother wouldn't want to buy the girls their backpacks for the new school year. So she would take them to like TJ Mat, whatever, and buy them new backpacks. In one particular year, there was one child that wanted this book bag that was, I don't know, maybe 30 bucks. And the other child wanted one that was like $19.99. So my mom thought, because the $30 one doesn't come with a book bag, uh, a lunch box, but for $30 it should. So she was putting one in there. I feel like we can't, Aaron. I mean, it's okay. She's an episode about her clutch dog. She's a clutch dog. She it's on it's on Liv's lunchbox. She went through my dad and my husband to ask them if they would take the lunchbox back to the store because it still had the security clip on it. Oh my god. They're like, no, no, so wait. My daughter used that lunchbox all year long. I never took it. With the security tag. Oh my god. Yep. That's what happened. So, anywho, that's my mother. So her using a story shopping cart isn't really like so. There's a lot of stories about my mother, but it's not so surprising.

SPEAKER_03 15:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

I gave her a white claw. She's she fucking my mom. She fucking drove with the rest of it home. Are you joking? I literally asked, like, whispered in her ear as she was walking out with the cup. I gave it to her with a lot of it left. And I'm like, are you just gonna drive me to with that? Yeah, okay. Just checking. My notes. Such a I don't know if you want to keep that one in. It's fine because she I don't know, whatever. So we go to your house, we come back, and it's the two of us on the porch. We did, she's like, Oh, she looks at the ash right, she goes, Oh, what's this? I said, It's a pre-ritzed weed. She goes, Oh, you smoke that? Okay. What was I perfect? Because I think it was baby weed too, a little bit. Because she was nervous about since last time when I my my father and I tried to murder her. She should also just be nervous to smoke anything that we smoke. Well, she needs to take a more responsible amount of intakes, give it, but she doesn't really smoke at all. But drive with the bike off. That was today. This is last night. So we start. Are you ready for this? Do you want to go through the note?

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Go for it.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

I you are going to die. Are you ready to die? No. Well, first of all, let me tell you what she brought. Remember, I've been doing the sour explosion description of TU for the last couple days, but I have never mentioned what it is. And Jax had one of these, bugged. Oh, you're done now. Yeah, I can't. That was the big one. Bug me the fuck out. Big one. Bug me out. Because he was eating these, and his reaction to these was buggerific. You always say, I want something sour. I want like an explosion in my mouth. Oh, explode. Fucking disgusting. What do you say? Like, but you ready? It's an explosion for my taste buds. You ready? Yeah.

unknown 16:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

I saw these. What was his face? He had the whole thing in his hand. His hand must have been wet and he sour. It's it's sour, mom. Sour. Is this sour, mom? Sour. Like, once I'm sour, like just kept saying fucking words of sour. Meanwhile, put it in your mouth. How do you eat this? You gotta open it. And then what? Oh, it's like pop rocks. Um, this is drugs. This is sour candy truck. What the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 17:09

This looks like what am I supposed to- Am I supposed to snort this?

SPEAKER_01 17:12

What are you supposed to do with this?

SPEAKER_03 17:16

Sprinkling.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Oh you see, this is it's exactly what you asked for. This is some sour explosion in your that I that I hear from the what you asked for. I hear it in all sorts of my brain that I did not know existed. Yeah. Oh, that's weird. Yeah, you listen, sister, you asked for it. Meanwhile, she knew nothing about this. Like, how did she know that this was the perfect thing to bring?

SPEAKER_02 17:48

Look like Harper.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

You asked for it. You got it. There's other flavors you want to try other flavors. I know. You're like a fucking child. You're really like harper right now. Okay. Oh my god. Yes, it's a pop rock. It hurts when you open your mouth. Ow. It is an expl I told you! Explosion in your mouth. What do you not understand about this? All right, are you prepared for this? We're both really high. You realize that, right? Yes or no? Yes? No? You realize that, right? You're not speaking. So I'm gonna say that as a yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Ready? All of a sudden, out of nowhere, like it started last night. It was like quiet for a while, and then suddenly, like, the whole weather pattern changed. She's standing and telling me the story. It got windy. And all of a sudden, this is what she says. I feel like you just have to blow in the wind. Her arms start moving. And I'm like, what the fuck is happening? Oh my god. Okay. This is just the beginning. I thought with how loud and how windy and then the rain, I thought a tsunami was coming. Yes. That's when I was like, this is this is must be the preparation of the time. Tsunami. Okay. She also thought that she might need to take a walk. Like right in that moment in this tsunami. Yeah. Yeah. She felt so high that she just needed to take a walk. Yeah. Wow. Okay. That's like the opposite of what I did. She goes inside at one point to get something. Fucking back to the bridge. Okay. There was the black hole. Out of nowhere in the street. It was still like daylight. I could see things. There were pool floats flying in the street. Flying. And all of a sudden, I guess this, I don't know, do these people have a pool or something? I don't know. Because not black holes. To the left of them. Well, there's pool floats.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

Like maybe they have a kiddie pool or something.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

No, these were not small pool floats. It was like a raft. Like, like a tsunami was coming and he had a fucking raft for it. Swear to god, these were enormous. And at one point, because Mike's trucks there, I couldn't see that a person was holding them. So I just fucking saw pool floats flying in the street, and I said, bridge. That's why we need a fucking pool. There's pool floats just fucking flying in our street. Okay. She's not even here for that. I had that moment by myself. I'm like, this motherfucker. She would have died if she saw these pool floats sitting in this chair with me. How am I the only one watching this situation? Okay, this is just the beginning. The bridge. She asked me. She brought it up the bridge. I didn't even bring it up about the bridge. Yes, I didn't even bring it up. She wrote it up. I'm like, how are we having the same conversations that I have with Gailie right now? How is that possible? She thought we could possibly take the wink cans and make them into a bridge. Oh, line them up on top of each other and form a bridge with them. That was her suggestion. It was a real one. Yeah, it was a real suggestion. She was hysterical. I'm like, she laughed when I realized I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And that was it. She made a bridge. And you said, What in the cannabis are you talking about? Oh, and then she started. See, what do we talk about? What do we always talk about? The trees. No. The lights? The bridge. The bridge, right? Then, and I'm not bringing anything up. She's the one bringing these things up. She then she looks over and she starts talking about the black house. Yes, but it's not dark. So I can at least still see it as we're talking about it. So it's not as uncomfortable. I want to see those people coming out of the black hole. I want to have another conversation with them. She went on this top, this whole thing about speaking to them. And okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:36

I've been waiting for this moment. Oh my life. Okay. And then we went to the trees because of course you have to have all this. I can't not talk about the trees.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

I told her, I said every tree has a story. And then I told her. Remember the time that we talked about how big this tree was? And I said to her, from Haley's house, it looks like cock and balls. She says, Ready? I don't know if you're ready.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

It says like Shakira meal. I don't understand that at all. Shakila mealing, yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

I think she associates a large cock and balls to Shaquille. That's even what she said. She said, Oh, when you say cockables, I just associate myself to Shaquille and Ellen. I'm like, what? What does she know? If you were fucking listening to this, I don't know what's happening. This is why I'm like fucking rampage texting you because I'm just dying, laughing at Shaq she keeps bringing up Shaquille and Yo's testicles throughout the night. Okay, I'm dying. Then I've said nothing. I've said nothing about the bridge. I said nothing about the trees. You might be shouting. Sorry. She goes, what are all these noises? She played bingo and she didn't even know it. I'm like, I'm not even doing it right now. She goes, the not oh. What did I say? She was complaining about like ambulance noises. Oh my god, she did so much. Oh my god, so much. There were people over there. The pool floats, they must have been having a party of some kind or something because there were people out there that were like obnoxiously laughing, like you could hear them, and the echo was loud. And my mom was doing it back to her several times, too. Oh my god. Not just once. Yeah. Okay. I tell her that sometimes I I smoke by myself. You smoke by yourself? I said, Yeah, sometimes. You know, get like a little high by myself. That's drugs. Oh my god. That's her definition. That's her definition of but she also just nailed our content. Exactly. Every single thing we're talking about is exactly what we talk about. Does she listen to the podcast? No. She doesn't know how to do that. And then there were people that were driving and driving and driving, and she's trying to speak to them like 227 for whatever show I'm watching. But it was every fucking thing she brought up. I'm like, how am I I'm not even doing it this time, you know? And the fact that Shaquille O'Neal's penis kept coming up. Because that's when she equates to cock and balls.

SPEAKER_02 24:27

This one's good. Blue raspberry.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

Crack, crack. This is crack. This is candy crack. It's not real crack. It's exploding warheads. Oh my god, can you imagine? I am telling you, if you were here for this conversation with her, you you you you wouldn't have been able to survive. It was it was insane. Then I asked her, I asked her, I brought this up. So I said to her, Mom, like when when I was younger and I went to like elementary school, like that age, what was like the PTA like? The pizza day. What was that like? What'd she say? She goes, Oh well, I got into a fight with Gary Corona. Oh I know he's no longer alive, but yeah. I'm like, fucking for what? She goes, Oh, I was the treasurer. I'm like, what? That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever. Why would I say why do people do that? Why would you do that? Why did you do that? And she was like, Well, if you want to be a part of, you know, uh have a voice in your kids' education or whatever. I'm doing that from home. Yeah, I'm a Venmo mom with warhead exploding, popping candy as I talk. This is fucking verbatim of what you asked for. A sour explosion in my mouth. How did she bring that? Like, how did she know sour things? The universe candy. The lemon heads, probably. She was obsessed with. I think we might have told her. I think we did. What? I think she would have been sitting there when we were talking about liking sour things when we're my mom doesn't get very stunned. I think she she bought them because they were on sale. Oh it's weird to tackle them. I ordered some sour candy. You ready for this? You ready for the icing on the cake? I'm not 100% sure if I'm comfortable yet if you share this. But she wants to come back over so she can flirt with your brother. My brother? That's what she's saying to me. Well, how old is Z? I was like, he's in his 50s. Right? Not that I'm like, okay, okay. Do you, Deb? That's really funny. Yeah, right? This is how all over the map we were. Their flavors in here are red. Now I feel like I have to try them all. Do it? We're gonna start buying pop rocks. They make sour pop rocks. This isn't pop rocks. It's pop rocks. It's not the same thing. The texture's very pop rocks are bigger. What I didn't left over. Sorry. So this is what you missed. You would have lost your shit.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

That would have been such a ring.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

Shaquille O'Neal?

SPEAKER_00 26:37

I would have peeped myself.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

Shaquille. I know. Shaquille O'Neal's balls. You know. That like initially the story was that's the biggest tree. It's like a cock and balls. And now it's Shaquille O'Neal's cock and balls. It is escalated into. This is what we do. We escalate. That's true. Wow. Wow. What is that flavor? Watermelon. Oh, I don't like watermelon. I will take them all. Don't you worry about it. Whoa. That is flavored? It's the best thing I've ever had in my life. Oh my god. This is so good. Okay, one more. One more follow-up story. Ready? This isn't funny. This is just weird. This is so ironic. Remember how I told you there was a student of mine that's a teacher in Mike School? Yes. Okay. So today we went to the ALS walk. And there was like the CEO of that chapter, the head of that chapter, had like a long speech. And then she introduced one person to come up and talk, and he said his name. There is nobody else in the world, maybe Italy, that has this name. So I recognized it. And he was a student of mine. For two years, he was my student, and his mother was a teacher in the same school. Oh my god. I'm like, this can't be, but his I'm gonna not say his name. Right. So how many people do you know that would that? So I went up to them and it was them. And they he lost his dad. Only a year. Yeah. You like those, huh? See, it's like a pop rock. I saw these on Amazon and I will be purchasing them. Oh my god. You are fucking taking crack right now. You look like you're cracking. Give it to me. You are cracking. This is so amazing. This is exactly what you asked for. Yes. An ex sour explosion in your mouth. And you know what? I know like you meant it like in a like a figurative aspect, but this is a literal aspect. It really exists. Warheads.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

Mom got a good deal on these. Damn.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

She should have sold them. Wait, how much are they? This size on Amazon is $10. Well, sometimes my mom plays with stickers, too. Is that surprising? It doesn't I don't know. This one looks like it would have been hard to do that, but. Yeah, my mom is. Wow. She got you exactly what you asked for. That's amazing. That is my mom. She will look around. She will shop. Well, you let her know that she's a winner. I'll give her $20 to go find the mom. She wanted Mike to bring cookies home that you made the dogs. And he forgot. He what? She wanted to try this. She likes your cookies. Pressure's on now. What am I gonna do for unicorn milk? Don't sweat it. I already have an idea. I was thinking maybe colorful sprinkles. What was your idea? TBD. Sounds so dirty. I'm gate, I'm gatekeeping until I leave. No. I don't know if I tried the watermelon. The red one? You don't like watermelon though. You don't. That's why it's very watermelony. Look at you. You're like trying to skew me away from trying water. The crack. The cracking. What are these head? They're lemon heads, but they're not very sour. They're actually not sour at all. There you go. Oh, that is watermelony. Oh, we're more. Next time I come over and be like, Amanda, I've got stuff. And this is what I will need. That's before I have to hide this from the kids. You said Jack, so he's eating these. I can't believe you like them. And he was fucking with me throughout the whole thing. He's funny. Wow, my house is dark, dark. Right. The lights go out. Or do we go outtown? Isn't it fun to do that? Can you hear it in my throat? Yes. I feel like I hear it like back here in my head reverberating in my skull. Yeah. 40 count's pretty good. I will literally call her tomorrow. And if she's not working then I'll hear her, she needs to buy every single one she ever sees. I will pay her back. It's like sour and popping in your mouth. I like felt it in my ears. Yes. This is great. That is such like a sensory overload. That was awesome.

SPEAKER_02 30:16

Mom, where did you get the sour warheads neither not getting an answer or secondly not getting an answer?

SPEAKER_01 30:22

I wonder if you can hear it. I feel like I'm like, I go numb on this. I can like just drool at the starting line. I don't like the sounds that I'm hearing over there.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

It's kind of freaking me out.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

It was fucking raped. You know what I will say in the car? We have a car. There was a car that last night. There was a car that went that way. No, it came this way, turned around, went that way, and then came back. And my mom was like, what the fuck is this person doing? You just dropped off something left. That's the neighbor. Here we go. Keep those lights on. Oh, and just when I said it. I wonder if they hear me. I bet you we could file a letter with the town and be like, turn this motherfucking light back on. We probably can. I don't like that it's it's I don't like crossing. That one is right there. So I don't know when this one isn't. It's just out and it's our only source of light on the street, and it makes a huge difference, especially when I'm walking home at night. Yeah, I always get spooked that there's gonna be like some animal that comes up on me. Oh, the animal. You do see a lot of random animals in your life. A wolf, a spider. The other day, I was going to get I was going to get Ava from school. I turned down like over there, one of those houses, and I saw a fox running with something in its mouth, like a baby bunny or something that looked like I think it was a baby. No, no, no, I saw it. I was me and Ava were watching it, and it was like trying to jump over this hedge, and I kept getting knocked down by the hedge. So there are foxes in our neighborhood, and I know one last one. Okay, so add fox to the list. Yeah. So always like spiders, especially with this light foxes. Because there's usually one right here. Because remember when the actors lived here when we were doing our construction, she texted us one morning at like four o'clock in the morning, texted Al, and was like, I think someone's in your house. And it was when we weren't living there because we were doing it was when we couldn't live there yet. And she was like, I saw a light flick on. We're like, well, the power's not even on in the house, so that's that's not good. So we pack up and we come here. It's a 15-minute drive. We get here. This guy comes out of the house with his sleep shorts and a t-shirt, just rolled out of bed with a bat in his hand. And Al's like going through the house, checking everything out. There's nothing. And he walks up, he's like, We're gonna go in. You wanna go get him with this baseball bat. And it was nothing. And that's all to say. What I think happened was the street light clicked off and it was a reflection in our window because it shines right there. I want the streetlight back. All that for that? Yeah.

unknown 32:49

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 32:50

To say that I know that it's right there because of that story. That there was one day that we had three boxes delivered to our house, and it was like 20-pound boxes of kitty litter, and I fucking walked over one box at a time, and there were three. I for real. Why why were they here? Huh?

SPEAKER_02 33:07

They brought them at the wrong address. They weren't supposed to go there.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

To the black hole?

SPEAKER_02 33:11

No, to them when the actors lived there.

SPEAKER_01 33:14

Oh. Yeah. They had cats. No, they didn't. Yes, they didn't. No, they didn't. She liked to feed feral cats.

SPEAKER_02 33:21

Kitty litter?

SPEAKER_01 33:22

They didn't have cats inside the house.

SPEAKER_02 33:23

Why do they need kitty litter?

SPEAKER_01 33:24

I don't know. They're very weird people. You know everybody's gonna be Googling now. What did he add?

unknown 33:28

They dug in the middle.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

Oh, there's something D-list. Yeah, I know. Like character actors, not main ball actors. I actually don't remember their, I don't remember the wife's name.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

I saw it too. And then you got your response. It was like a bat went by.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

Dude, don't get me started on the bats.

SPEAKER_02 33:50

Oh, here we go.

SPEAKER_01 33:51

We got another animal. You've got wait, wait, let's reconnect. We are at wolves, cockroaches. Or no, it wasn't a cockroach. It was a what was the spider? My hallucination? Yeah. Spider. Yeah, but it was a big one. A big one. A tarantula? A tarantula. Yes. A wolf? Yes. A fox. A tarantula. And now what are we on? And now what are we on? Bat. Oh, we're on bats now. Okay. I had a bat in my bedroom. When? In high school? And we have to walk. How does that so that triggers that? You said it was a bat. And I was like, well, don't get me started on the bats because Harper asked me about if I ever had a bat in my house. And I was like, yes, as a matter of fact. Three times. Once in my bedroom at my mom's house. My mom had one in her room once. And then there was one in my college dorm room, my freshman year. What are the bats following you around for? It's the witchy in me. Must be a descendant of witches. Maybe Toothless Homeless has been following you. Oh maybe. And she appeared to me as a bat thrice. Oh my god, what is happening right now? I need to go to bed. I haven't slept. That's actually not true. I took a nap today. I laid around all day in bed and was left alone by the children. It was such a treat. I like watched whatever I wanted to. No, they were playing together nicely downstairs and they were taking breaks. They were watching whatever random movie dad was watching. That's why I was whenever I don't know if I remember what he was watching. I was like, well. I went upstairs and started doing laundry and watching Netflix. Then I hit up the I wasn't hiding. They knew where I was. But I just spent the day folding laundry, watching TV. I mean, that's sad that that's nice. Yeah. She's still choring upstairs, though. Just yeah, but I don't mind by yourself. I don't mind laundry. When it's at my pace, I'm not like panic washing things. I don't mind it. That's the only thing that has to be done. I fully ignored the mess that was left over from the party, that's true. Which now I have to pay for because I have to go wash dishes. I wash some dishes. Do I? Probably not. I'm not gonna have kids or a husband tomorrow night. He's going to Ryan's to watch the basketball game. I'm sure he'll be here to softball twice to me. I don't have to make dinner tomorrow. Do or don't? I don't. So I'm like snakes around tomorrow. He's going to watch the game. Alright. I don't want to go to bed. Alright. You want to take one to go? You don't want to take sour popping candies? No. No. I'm gonna become addicted to those very quickly, so we're gonna see. I thought it already happened.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

Is this drugs now? Sugar is a drug. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_01 36:05

That's literally an explosion. That's sugar crack. That's drugs. Yeah. That's doing drugs. Pop rocks. Yeah.

unknown 36:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

I haven't had pop rocks. It's like something. But the texture's different. That's that feels like sanding sugar. The sprinkles like you're so annoying. You are literally like harper right now. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Sure. Whatever you say, lady. Okay, goodbye. I'm going across the street now.