Moms on the Porch

We're Doing it for the Plot

• Episode 9

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0:00 | 40:41

This week on the porch we're smoking Super Boof — Leafly Strain of the Year 2024, which we absolutely did not know until right now — and processing a week that had absolutely no chill.

Both sets of girls had their last day of school. Hailey cried six times. She did the secret handshake at the kindergarten door one last time and did not hold it together. The teachers noticed.

Then we get into the mom friend thing — the real version. The pressure to make friends at school pickup, the feeling of being excluded that apparently doesn't stop when you turn 40, and the story of how Amanda spent an entire first year of kindergarten mom dinners drinking water while everyone else had cocktails because she had just gotten inseminated that afternoon and couldn't say so. The room absolutely clocked her as not their brand. She has spent two years making up for it.

Also: Hailey's number one parenting hack involves telling her kids their tongues turn purple when they lie. It works. She's passed it on to other families. We have thoughts. Plus Foodie Field Trip Fridays are officially in the calendar, 60 people showed up to movie night and somehow that felt normal, and we rank who makes the cut for the next one.

We're doing it for the plot. Come be part of the conversation.

Pull up a chair. 🌿

SPEAKER_00

Hi, I'm Haley. And I'm Amanda.

SPEAKER_01

And this is Moms on the Porch, the podcast for Moms Who Get It. Every week we're on the porch talking cannabis culture, mom life, adult friendship, and everything in between. No guilt, no gatekeeping, just good conversation and zero apologies. If you've ever stepped outside after bedtime and finally exhaled, this one's for you. Enjoy your drugs, ladies. So I'm holding an ounce of weed in my hand. Oh god. That's so bold. Fucking legal. And that blows my mind.

SPEAKER_00

Do I have a bowl?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I know. Sit in there? So now the question is What do we have that shirt to open it? Yeah. Investigate. Wait. I got it. I got it. I got it. We're good. What did you get? Oh, pendant to clean this out. Wow.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01

No, but the first whiff was like so tonight. We were smoking. We both super guess what? Guess what's in the strain, Amanda? Some type of gel stuff cookies.

SPEAKER_00

Sure it is, because Tropicana cookies in the Super Booth is a V hybrid wheat strain made by crossing black cherry punch and Tropicana cookies and Leafly Strain of the Year 2024. It has the same chunky deep green and purple dappled buds as its parents that look wet with silver something. Okay. The effects of super booth are relaxing and giggly. I might need that. I need all the giggles that I can get at the moment. It's like an old school strain. Reviewers on Leafly say that strain makes them feel euphoric, creative, and focused. Medical marijuana patients say they feel they buy superboof for gastrointestinal disorders, depression, and fibromyalgia.

SPEAKER_01

Well, healthcare without THC.

SPEAKER_00

Superboof consistently wins top honors in the flower and hash category.

SPEAKER_01

I do like a winner. You love a winner. I'm always here for a winner. Well, thank you for reading that for us. I have brought you absolutely no forge tax this evening of the homemade kind. I've got our brain blasters, sour treats, and um the crispiest motherfucking diet Dr. Pepper I've ever seen in my life. Look at that shit. It is marinated and is ice cold.

SPEAKER_00

It's crisp. You know what it really tastes like to me? Oh my god. It's bad. My description is very specific. Let's hear it.

SPEAKER_01

It tastes like what my grandparents' house used to smell like, which was mothballs. Okay, I'm not getting the mothballs to me. It just tastes like it's the smell that I would get from my grandmother's house. So, you know, last week we were talking about when is it drugs? I'm telling you, there's something about smoking out of a bowl. I feel like it's like it was the last time I smoked.

SPEAKER_00

That's like the yeah, the most natural form of it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I also think that the last time I was smoking out of a bowl it was illegal. So there's that.

SPEAKER_00

I feel already. Well, it's also more obvious what you're doing, but you're smoking in front of a bowl.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, but I feel it already. I've taken two hits. I feel it, it like punched me in the eyeballs. I feel like it's not there yet. So an ounce of this is supposed to cost $245, and I got the ounce for like $40. Oh, because it was a mystery ounce from the mystery ounce that you got was a good one.

SPEAKER_00

Like, are they typically all of top category or life sold?

SPEAKER_01

Is it like those little stupid fucking dumplings that like you open it and you get the glitter dumpling? That's the best thing you've ever fucking got in the world. I don't know. What is with the fucking noises tonight? Sorry, we need the noises. Like, what a fucking day. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. So it's the girls, both our girls. Last day of school, both our sets of girls. Last day of school. I cried Ava, right? She was already done. No. Today was her last day. And then she had I don't have to understand that. They graduate early and then they have they finish up the month. You know what?

SPEAKER_00

In the past, these days would upset me. Maybe the reaction that I would see of other I think it that's what it was. Whenever I see another kid crying, I get like the nobody cried.

SPEAKER_01

This is first year, then nobody cried. I um I cried like probably six times today. That's fair. It's kindergarten, that's fair. And pre-K. We're not going to our preschool anymore. And these people I've seen every day for four years straight because she went there. They went there in the summers too. Wait, I don't see anymore. I'm gonna see them. We'll get into that. We'll go back to that. But I think that we should definitely at some point, yes. What'd you say? So I'm good right now. Do you good right now? Yeah. See, because I like I do like smoking a joint because you see the progress on the channel. I know you see how much you smoke, yeah. To get an idea of like, am I good enough? Yeah, I might have more of that because I need to fuck the BPM boozle break after today. I get it. So both my kids last day, so pre-K and kindergarten. The both kids they want both both of us to come to drop off today. So it's all four of us headed for the preschool. Can I get a timeout?

SPEAKER_00

How come Ava came to drop off that one day this week? I thought that meant she was done.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, it was a thing. You didn't even teach me that.

SPEAKER_00

I saw her, but I was like, oh, she needs to be done.

SPEAKER_01

No, it was a whole thing. Why? So uh get there. So actually, let me tell you right now. I'm surprised you didn't mention that part because we're gonna do that. So this is what happened. I got in the car, we're nice and early, we go get bagels, I'm taking Ava to preschool. So I get to the preschool and I get an alert from a ring camera that his cousin is at the door. My house his cousin is at your front door at your home. So I go and I'm like, that's gotta be wrong. Like it's gotta be a delivery person that looks like her. Nope. I opened the phone. That picture right, but everybody else is somebody else. It wasn't her, it was her daughter and his aunt. So it wasn't right. Were you supposed to take them? Yes. Oh shit. Yeah. And you know what happened? My husband failed to tell me I needed to take them. Get the fuck. I was out of. Can I tell you how mad I was? Because I knew I was gonna have a rough day at work. And I'm like, I gotta get them on time and I gotta get back to my computer. Like I forgot. Oh no, no. He like told his aunt what that was. It would right away. I'd be like, come on, are you fucking like I was that would piss me up? I was not happy. He was very apologetic. And I'm like, I just pulled up to her school and I didn't have time to get back right away. I just panicked, was like, can I gotta come? No, he went out for a haircut, so nobody was at the house. So I'm like, I'll be right there. I'm turning around right now. Was the did the grandma at least stay? Yeah. Oh, oh wait, do you drop?

SPEAKER_00

I thought you dropped Ava off before hardware.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. I got to the school. I saw that on my phone. I called Al and I'm like, Am I supposed to preschool? Am I supposed to take her to school today? Yes. Like you couldn't have told me that before I left. Right. But you were at Ava's school. Why couldn't you just drop off Ava while you were there? Because it takes too long. Like I can walk in. Yes, because I know why I have to. I already know that if I'm taking her to school, it's because his aunt has to be with the other grandkids at a very specific time. I'm like, I don't have time because of how long it takes to get her into school. I cannot believe you fucking didn't tell me about this. I was so oh saving it. No, this was not nonsense. No, I for whatever fucking reason. I went with the theory that Ava was done. Because you know that my kids' screaming. Yes, because I don't typically take her.

SPEAKER_00

But at no point did you even look at me like holy fuck like you could you would give me a look and I know something happened. You didn't even give me a look. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I think it was just last week of school. You usually would look at me like, yeah, I don't know why. Because I mean no sign that something was up. No, you gave me a lot of it. But it was also had nothing to do with Ava, you know? Like it wasn't No, I know, but not that it would be with Ava, though. But like look like something happened. I wouldn't assume it was Ava that pissed you off. Maybe. Yes, you would. Maybe. You would have been like if you were taking her hard time. If you're gonna question it if you gave me a face, you gave me nothing. So I didn't question anything. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, usually give me something. So that's why Ava was at the go. Today was her last day of school. She did not end after graduation. So I pull up to the school. I start getting teary-eyed, and all four of us in the car because Al came for drop-offs today. I'm like, wow, this is the last morning I'm gonna pull into this parking lot. It's also the last paycheck you have to write. And no, that was May. We didn't our deposit but yours June. But you're done. Yeah, yeah. That was done last month. Yeah, it was great last month when I felt it. It's like I'm gonna go put her backpack upstairs for the last time. Like next time I pick her up, I'm just cleaning out her cubby and taking all her shit with me. And it just, it like it started hitting me. And then when she was like, Come on, give me a hug. I'm like, she's like, I'll probably see you later, but give me a hug. The teacher. Yeah. I'm like, I just can't believe this is it. She was fine. No, nothing. No. All the kids are all fine. So then we're leaving and I get all I can't control anywhere. I'm crying. So we drop Ava off, and it's time to drop Harper off for her last day of kindergarten. So we're in the playground and I'm talking to one of the other moms, and we're both just like getting a little teary-eyed, like, I can't believe this is the last time. And Harper and I have a secret handshake. Me and Ava have one too. It's they're pretty similar. So I got to do my my last secret handshake with Ava too this morning. And I was like, oh, this is like got wrenching. I know, but it's like in that school, you know, because what happened when Harper went to kindergarten, she didn't want to do the secret handshake anymore. She was too cool. So we did it like first day, like sporadically here and there. We don't do it at drop-off anymore. It's like the first week of school. So we get up to the door. At all, you don't do it anymore. Still to this day. With Harper, no. Ava and I all the time. Me and Harper, no. Really? Yeah. Wow. Like it's she's too cool for it. Yeah, but a kindergarten, she shouldn't be too cool yet. No, and and you know, she likes going in the big door, especially if her cousins. Yeah, especially if her she will not let me drop. I have to walk up, but she will go in the big door. But unless somebody goes in with her. Yes. Okay. Then she's cool. I'm like, Harper, you should go in the kindergarten door. Like it's it's the last time. We should do that. I walk her up to the door. I'm like, all right, kiddo, like this is it. Have a great last day. And we did our secret handshake, and I just like got choked up. That was the only time of the year you did it? I mean, like a handful of times, yeah. Oh. And then she had to get picked up first. Obviously, they had a half day. So I'm saying, obviously, to you, you know that. And we go, you know, like we're in the corridor. Did you pick up the back room? And all the parents were chit-chatting. We're like, damn, that was like it was so fast. And everyone's like, we all got it together. Nobody gets choked up. And then the teacher opens the door and she goes, here they are. And all of us just start clapping for them. And I like no together. Look, I mean, now I still can't contain myself. And then that like I that passed really fast. And then it was like three o'clock, and it's time to move at Ava from school for the last time. And Harper and I get in the car and I just start crying. And I cried the whole way to her school. I cried when I walked in the door. The teacher was like, Are you okay? Like, no, no, we should have taken a Xanax before this. Jesus we go up to her classroom.

SPEAKER_00

Four now between drop off and pickup. Four times you've done this. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

You should and a couple of times I've gone to Xanax prior to doing this. In the moment, and I got a little choked up. So I start walking up the staircase and I just start crying. I'm like, this is a staircase to go up to her classrooms on the second floor. Who's oh, you're in Harper? Ava. Yeah, you're on Ava. Okay. So we go up and I'm like, wow, this is the last time I'm gonna go up to this classroom. I'm never gonna see this classroom again. There will never be a reason for me to be in that classroom again. And like I just have tears streaming down my face, saying by the teachers. It was like I know I'm not gonna see these people again. But with the teacher, I was like, all right, oh yeah, I was like, you can't get rid of me on Monatextu all the time because this is really weird for me. I'm I'm just sad that it's over. Yeah. Yeah. Shit, my mom is 15 minutes away. I've seen this woman more times. Yeah, it was monumental. No, and I'm driving out of the school, Trader Joe's. No, it's not on the same side as the school. You still have to. No, you can't see it from the road. You have to literally go in. You would make a left. No, it's just different. I'm telling you, it's I gotta go. Where are we going? To go by the school to Trader Joe's. Oh yeah. Stone. No, but like seltzer stone, not this stone. Oh yeah, I couldn't handle this. No, because I also went to the street.

SPEAKER_00

I'm way too long for the work there that I'm but like they know my kids, and I'm like, I wouldn't be no, you'd be feeling social high.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I would love to see you in there just because I know you love to cook, and there's just such random things. Oh, I'd be so in.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, if you put me on something that's really creative, mic'd up, but like have it on underneath our shirt so you can't see it.

SPEAKER_01

You think it'd be rough, but we should totally do it. We should do it. Film trip to Trina Joe's. Yeah, and that's the reason they go. I love it. We should do field trip episodes. Yeah, so we like field trip friends. You know what I'm saying? I just I am fascinated to see what you would be like. If you give me something creative, I think that would be real that like walks around and like, oh, what is this? What's this? Uh what is this? Are you gonna be like whacked out of your mind? Yeah, that sounds like so much fun. I love grocery stores. I know, but there's so much stuff there that like you've never even seen.

SPEAKER_00

I know I'm curious if we're gonna be shuffling one inch by one inch down every single aisle, which there's only like five aisles. It's a very small trader gym. Yes, it is.

SPEAKER_01

So that's a good thing for you. What we'll do is we'll start there and then we'll go to the new one. How many shopping bags would you bring? If you bring our shoulders all of them. How many is that? 100. It would be all of them. No, you could not take me, but we should take me. Yeah, go on. Whole foods for sure. The problem with Whole Foods is that it's a very big store. It'd be nowhere. You should take me. You have to keep it small. The small Trader Joe's, right? Where we should go.

SPEAKER_00

I'm afraid.

SPEAKER_01

World market.

SPEAKER_00

What the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_01

Oh my what does that mean? Are you serious? Yeah. World market, we're going. World? Yes. No idea. It's a store. Never mind of it. They have international candy in the back.

SPEAKER_00

Your eyeballs just blew out of your hands.

SPEAKER_01

Do you understand how good the candy is? They probably have some cool sour shit there. I fucking love grocery stores. I love grocery stores or specialty food stores. Where could you go next? I mean, okay. Well, on an epic field trip? Eatily. No idea. In the city.

SPEAKER_00

We're going to the city high.

SPEAKER_01

Oh. No, we get high when we get there. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00

Then how we will not figure out how to get high. Yes, we'll just fucking be wandering across the street. Fucking Schmoes.

SPEAKER_01

I don't worry. We would be Schmoes. No, we'd be fine. Hmart. We should go to Hmart. Every grocery store. We should just do field trip food Friday. Foodie Field Trip Friday. Oh. Nailed it. Foodie field trip Friday. Sign me the fuck up for that. That sounds like so much fun.

SPEAKER_00

I need we have to test it with Trader Joe's first and see how it goes. That's fine. Because I have to go with something that I'm familiar with as a first rounder. I want to know prior to going in, like, I'm prepared with where things are typically located and with things that I've tried.

SPEAKER_01

So I can also kind of steer you in places. Yes, but I'm wondering if I'm going to be like uber creative and like dialed in, like, oh, you don't be really good. It's like if we mix this, this. Yes, no, I expect you to look and analyze all that.

SPEAKER_00

But I also know I can also be like, I've tried this and it's either good or bad. Yeah. I feel like go, it's a different experience going into it knowing I'm way more prepared than you are. That's a different experience than me going in and being like, what the fuck is going on?

SPEAKER_01

You're you know, uh-huh. Like HMR. It's a small small start. It is small start. All of them small start Sundays. Shopping Sundays, shopping Shatterdays. Yeah. So it was a happy week.

unknown

Wow.

SPEAKER_01

Just went from there to that. That was wild conversation. I was actually thinking about your dad this morning when I was listening to our podcast, and I was like, he's gonna think that this is like I don't choppy or like all over the place or something. And it's really fast. Do you know how little you cut dead air time I cut between conversations? We were like, Yeah, I'm like right now, we are fucking ripping through conversations. Rapid fire. It's like, you know what it's like when you have ripping best decisions. You know, you have like I have this thing where I'm like, I know you're my best friend when we can maintain text conversations and like different platforms all at the same time, and they're all different conversations, and we're tracking on every single fucking one of them. Like what we're talking about on text is different than we're talking about on Instagram. Now we have two Instagram accounts we're bopping between.

SPEAKER_00

Plus, we're sharing one, so we're kind of talking to each other instead of talking to ourselves.

SPEAKER_01

Like, this is weird.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, yeah, I said that too the fact that I text you randomly and just say words, and you're like, I know what you're doing right now. Yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But it's the you know, volume of platforms. Yes, it is the volume. And I have like Instagram, Facebook, text, and we do read the same same emails, which then turns into a side text. And then so the one of the moms at school were texting on WhatsApp, on to actual text. Yeah, we they have to add that into a repertoire. Well, I might have to create a WhatsApp group for Saturday movie nights. No, I've I didn't make the form.

SPEAKER_00

Don't mock me for my fucking form. I didn't make it. I would I know nothing about it. All I know is I'm not on it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so yeah, we're having 60 people somewhere. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

I don't I haven't seen 60 people together in a long time. As if I'm not like dressed in something fancy.

SPEAKER_01

What do you wear to school pickup every day? I don't see 60 people. There's 50 people in East Wumblefluck where I pick up. Really? Swear to God. There's definitely at least 60 people where I pick up. I'm also not counting school pickup as like I'm there for five minutes. Oh, I'm there for like 15, 20 minutes. Oh, and then I sit in the pick again every day. No, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I'm also picking up an ace bumblefuck. We were trying to figure out where fourth grade picks up next year because Ace Bumblefuck is a weird. It might be by us.

SPEAKER_01

I think it's in the back. Well, we're in the back. All the way in the back. By the way, it's yeah. Honestly, it's not there's 10 kids from kindergarten coming and two of A bis friends. Yes, but each 10 kids probably look two adults. At least one. Probably two. No, there's some moms that are just bringing the siblings and not parents. There's there's a mix. They're bringing siblings too. So it's more than two. Right. That's what I was gonna say. Is now we've got but all ten of those kids have at least one person coming with them, if not two or three. So there's whole families coming, you guys, these guys next door, the cousins around the corner, our own kids obviously will be there. They will be in a challenge. Would you like area? Yeah, this is pretty good though. Well, thank God, because Amanda, we have an ounce of it to play for real, that's true.

SPEAKER_00

So my god, typically sucked when I get my period, it can take me anywhere from like right away to maybe like two days for my hormones to like equalize. It is not happening this much. I've never seen it like this before. I'm still in the state of holy fuckerage. Yeah, that's why I was like, I wonder if these fucking pills are gonna work because they did work at a point.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. We'll have to put up your PMS. Um it does work for me. Your PMS magic pills in the show notes on Instagram. What is with the motherfucking noises?

SPEAKER_00

Jesus Christ. Plus, it's kind of funny. I thought about this as it was happening. Then I walked outside with just a random pill in my hand and threw it at you. I know it's like this is this is. And you're like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna try this. I didn't tell you any names, I didn't tell you anything. You just fucking down. Should I not trust you to give me something? Like, what are we?

SPEAKER_01

What are you telling me? But it worked. You saved my husband's life and you kept me out of jail. So thank you very much. Because I was ready to jump out of a car on the highway this yeah, and I'm so I'm like, why is this not not not going away yet?

SPEAKER_00

I don't I don't like this, but it's it was it didn't take that away, it just calmed it. Like it's still it was still there. I know it was there. Oh no, it was like festering waiting, but I was very much more calm.

SPEAKER_01

But you had a lot of recent ads. Okay, yes. One of my nonsense things was mom hacks. I've had three good in my career as a mom.

SPEAKER_00

What's with the eyebrows?

SPEAKER_01

Is that one of them? I just this is how I talk since when just now I'm a very animated lady. Shall I share my three best hacks? I'm gonna go in reverse order. Like, does one of them include blue? Okay. My we're counting them down. Number three is past the story. This is how I've been getting them to fall asleep is we trade on and off a line in a story. And then I started using it to get Harper to tell me like what she would want to eat for lunch or snack, right? Like we had half days and whatever, trying to figure out what to send her to school with. So I would get her all this week to tell me what she wanted through that story. Because if I just ask her point blank, she's like, I don't know. I have to think about it. But if we do it in a story, she'll tell me right away. Okay, what was the story? Once upon a time, there was a girl named Avery, and she had a half day at school. So for snack, she packed and then she answers and then she would answer me. And then we say, Okay, that's interesting. Then her mom put together this snack. And then when they got to school, she ran up to a tree and found a fairy door. And then we just like have some weird ass random story and we just pass back and forth. Anyway, that's number one? No, that's number three. We're counting down. Oh, we're cutting down. This is the We need a drum roll for number one. Number two, popsicle baths. This is the little kid equivalent of unplugging and plugging it back in. I swear to God. It is so good. Bath anytime they're absolute monsters, such a good reset. But a bath with a popsicle, they get to eat the popsicle in the bath. It is such a novelty for her for my kids. They what do you get out of it? Uh, I reset my children to stop being complete fucking terrorists. Okay. It's a good, it's like unplug and plug it back in. What do you say? Time to go in the bath. Say, oh, it's a popsicle bath. Sometimes I get a popsicle too, you know? It's a treat. Okay, my number one best hack, purple tongue. Do you know my purple tongue thing? No. I tell my kids when they lie, their tongues turn purple. It has been the best parenting hack of my entire career. Have they ever seen it turn purple? Or do you give them a purple lollipop? You should give them a lollipop if they ever lie. Only they would catch on that so fast. Only parents can see it. You have to be a parent to be able to see it. Yes, it is. The elf, the fucking Easter bunny? What little bunny do you see ever see that?

SPEAKER_00

They ever fucking talk about this?

SPEAKER_01

Did we ever have we've had these conversations on mic?

SPEAKER_00

I don't think so. The fucking leprechaun? Oh god. In what world would we like to see that fucking creature just appear? I mean, no, thank you.

SPEAKER_01

Come on. I just got permission to throw away permission. I just got away with throwing away our leprechaun trap from March.

SPEAKER_00

Why is the leprechaun trap why what do you want to catch? I don't want to catch any of that. Why? They've seen pictures of this thing. Yeah. And that's what they want. Yeah, it's little. It's cute. What are you looking at over there? Oh, I heard a dog barking. Oh noises. Yeah. So noisy.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so my god. We tell them black real black tonight. Yeah, I don't want to talk about it. We tell them that they're it's it's the tongue thing, it's so it's so good. We tell them that only we can see it. And I'll be like, let me see your tongue. Anytime I think they're bullshitting me. And Ava's such a good tell. She tries to hide her mouth so you can tell right away. And then Harper, she'll smirk when I'm calling her out. And if they're not lying, and they're not telling, I say telling stories, I'm lying, but they're telling me stories, they will just stick out their tongues if it's if it's like actually true. And then Harper does it with Sass and it's fine. Oh, I think that will last for I think Harper knows at this point that it's bullshit. Does she? But I think it catches her every time. It kind of disarms her into like, okay, I'm not getting away with it. Yeah. Because she'll ask to see my tongue and she'll yell purple. So I think she knows it's not real. I think she's just but it is my number one parenting act. That is interesting. It works. I've passed it on. I've seen other families now do it and it works. Really? Yes. Is that a star? What is that? That's the moon. Wow. I'm a little concerned about you right now. Oh, I guess so. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It just looks like a star with my glasses.

SPEAKER_01

Sure. If you're in the Truman show and that's actually a stage light up there, that would be such a bright star.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Well, I thought it was a bright star.

SPEAKER_01

When have you ever in your life seen a star that bright? They're Chaplain. I fucking plane.

SPEAKER_00

I wish I wish there would be a flag that came down that told us. Where it was going.

SPEAKER_01

You want to hear the secure bedtime story that ChatGPT wrote me last night? Her harper. Oh, I think it's too long. Let's see. It's reminding me of the moon. Wouldn't that be cool? What? To know where it's going. You could do that. I know, but that takes effort. No, it doesn't. There's a flight radar thing, it'll tell you what's flying over you right now. You click on it, it'll tell you what it's where it's going. I would like to know that information. Okay. Next up. You can do that though. How do they feel about the black hole? Who? The neighbors. I actually was gonna ask her that today when I was talking to her outside. Did you? No, because we got hijacked. And my children kept coming out crying because they couldn't find their bathing suits that were right in front of their faces. Yeah, well. The 60 person movie, movie night. I kind of think it's gonna be really fun. It's gonna be a different experience for me than you. I don't know these people. That's true, I guess. You've met a bunch of them. No, I don't know any of Ava's. You've met four families, three families.

SPEAKER_00

They're not 60 families, 12 families. Four families, so 16 people out of 60?

SPEAKER_01

A quarter of the population that's coming to this party. Yeah. You know a quarter of the people there.

SPEAKER_00

That's not a lot.

SPEAKER_01

Not a lot. That's not a lot.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Well, we have to stay for the content. We're doing it for the plot. Plot. So we're gonna pick this podcast up again on Sunday. Then we should go into a did we did we cover everything? It's movie night. Yeah. It's the first time we're just happening. It is. I was considering whether we let the kids pick kids one by one, like just a small group of people that they would want to invite. Or I would invite the whole class. And I invited a whole class, the whole grade, the whole class. I felt like the nice thing to do is the day after the school's day. So I invited the whole class. So it could have been more than 60 people. Oh yeah. Could have been a shit show.

SPEAKER_00

You are fucking out of my fucking mind.

SPEAKER_01

I know.

SPEAKER_00

Who are you? I know. Why? What kind of high do you prepare? What? It's all outside.

SPEAKER_01

I dare you to fucking take a 20. I fucking dare you to have a chocolate bar. A chocolate bar. No. I could drink 20. I dare you to have a fucking chocolate bar. No. Oh, one. No, a two. A two that you think is two, but it's really a twelve. What dare you? Oh, I gotta fucking buy those 12 and sneak them in your motherfucking. I'm gonna open up a drink and have a sippy cup tomorrow night. Oh man. I guess I'm the idiot today, but yep, yeah. I could have been a lot more people. I got it from your actions. But this is also why because I was inviting her class and I was gonna invite a handful of people from Ava School. This is why the Google form existed. You're talking like a hundred people. Because I potentially yes. And how am I gonna track all of those RSPs? That would have been impossible. So I did a uh form and I asked people to write their names down too. Because listen, I'm on WhatsApp with all these parents. I don't know the kids' last names, so I can't really. There's some names I recognize at this point and who their kids are, but like I don't know every single parent in that chat and which kid is theirs. So how am I gonna know when they start RSCPing to me? Because you don't have their number. Right. So it means how really good of friends are you with these people? I'm not saying it's I invited my friends. You right. You invited people you don't you barely know. You don't even have their phone number. Yes, however. No, however. That's it. Well, no, I know I know their names, but I don't know, I don't know enough to tie their name to their kids' name.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Which means you don't know them that well. Which is why there's a Google form. Which is why, why the fuck did you invite all those people?

SPEAKER_01

Because we're trying to make friends with parents. We thought it would be a fun thing to do, and now I already know. That's a lot of people. This is 10. It's actually eight from her school. Eight families that are like, that sounds like fun. Let's do it. Okay. It's a good first clearing of the group of people. It's a good first pass. You know, it's a good first pass. Step one, complete. First round of edit. Right. Well, you don't know that. Some families might just not have. No, I know. But I but I was what I was gonna say too, we're saying, like, okay, we invited the whole class. We don't know who will be in her class next year. So we're not like, I don't know, it's we were thinking about like how do you cut things off? I've lost my train of thought though.

SPEAKER_00

You have turned into exactly what you said you weren't gonna turn into.

SPEAKER_01

No, I never said I wouldn't have a big party. When have I ever not wanted to have a big party?

SPEAKER_00

Not party what you specifically said we are going to have no friends in the school.

SPEAKER_01

I know, because you listed X, Y, and Z of all of the women that exist. But okay. In your mind, the other thing is, and now you are trying to throw a shindig because you want to meet X, Y, and Z. Because we are feeling pressured to make friends at the school. Yes. Why? For the benefit of our children to be able to have play dates and things like that. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Because we're definitely not invited to those things with people independently without I forget what it was part, without like being buddy-buddy best friends, you know, like can I pick up your kids? Can they come over? Whatever. Yeah, I know you who you are, whatever. I you go and then they come back. I don't have to be buddy buddy, you know.

SPEAKER_01

We can still have play dates without being besties. Whatever. The pressure, yes, but I'm just saying we are feeling the pressure to make wide in the circle. Oh, we're feeling the pressure. I think like culturally, how the parents like engage with each other and get together and the kids are playing, and then the kids are talking about it. So you weren't prepared for this. No, I don't think so. No, because I this is not it's not this is not my job. I'm not the social one. It's Al. But when we go to pickup and I'm the one chit-chatting because I know all the parents from pickup, so he doesn't talk to anybody.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_01

Because I chit-chat with everybody. Wouldn't we stare at each other? Like, no, everybody talking. He could go, he would meet. He does every once in a while. He'll cover for me. Like he there was one week he did, I didn't do pickup at all for a whole week. Right.

SPEAKER_00

But if he were to go more often, then he would be able to see these people as much as you well, not as much, but more, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So yes, it could have been quite the fucking shit show.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, people would have walked in and you would have been like, This is so and so.

SPEAKER_01

I'm sure which kid is theirs. Yeah, that's why the that's honestly why I needed the form because I'm like, okay, I gotta make sure I'm connecting the right names with the kids now. So now I know just based on the like RCPs in my Google form, like I know exactly who everybody is, like the names. And now when I see them, I know it's like locked in my brain which kid belongs to them. Belongs to them. I know a hand like I've got a handful of it figured out, but this is very informative.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so it is a situation though. It when I was when the girls just went to kindergarten, I knew nobody because they went to pre- Oh, I knew like one or two moms, but nobody in the class for kindergarten. There's a bug. And I just so happened to decide to start doing IVF again in the summer, like literally October, so the very beginning of the year is when I inserted jacks into my body. And so like they got together. The moms were like, oh, let's get together, be kindergarten moms, and like go out for dinner and meet each other, whatever. I literally got inseminated that day. Oh, that's crazy. So we went to dinner and I couldn't drink. And so I it's your first meet of people, right? So it's that first impression of people. Are these my people or not? Right. So I'm drinking water and everybody's having a cocktail. And so I got the she's like not our brand. I see. And I couldn't say I wasn't saying I didn't tell them what I just did, you know? It was very awkward. And I didn't even know them to do that. So there were a lot of things in the beginning that I wasn't invited to. A lot. Even after him, I had to like, I had to put in extra work to make up for that entire year that I missed of like, I'm your brand, I promise. Work. You know what I mean? So looking back at it now, I still a lot of times I'm like, remember when like you thought I was a fucking when I'm high and I'm fucked up with them. I'm like, remember when you thought like I wasn't cool? That remember that?

SPEAKER_01

But that's the thing, is like I don't, but again, social pressures. Yes, and I don't want to be, I don't want to be excluded. Yeah, no, that in a way that like I don't even know what's happening.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like I've been feeling excluded my entire life of friend groups. And so that doesn't ever stop. That that like it's such a shitty feeling. I felt like when I was younger, I'd be like, whatever.

SPEAKER_01

When I'm an adult, like you just don't, but you still do you still have those feelings of like I don't think I I was ready for how social school becomes for also the parents. I could I know that's like you have I I also want them to see mom and dad being social, so we're like modeling behavior where we're meeting new people, and like it's it's really I also I think part of how we want to parent them. It's another stigma, yeah. And I don't want to I don't want to be left out and like not, I don't know. And I think that eventually comes that trickles down to like my kids being left out, and I don't want that for them. I completely understand. Well, I am also pretty shy, so it's very hard for me. Well, it's this has also not been your cup of tea. No, not at all. And I know the the it just I know it gets clicky, I know it gets catty, and it's shit gets really stupid, and I have no fucking interest in that. I'm really I'm like disgusted by it. Stories. I know. I just it's fucking ridiculous that 35 plus year old women act in this way. I think we're more like 40. All right, some of the moms are in our class, at least we're younger. So I'm just saying in general, that we're all this age and everyone still thinks it's appropriate to behave this way. Like, what? And we're raising children seeing us behave this way, it's so fucking stupid. Yeah, but that means that they've always been that way. Yeah, but like, God, fucking grow up, do some work on yourself, go to therapy, fix it. Yes, there's a plan. Noises. Noises. I don't know. We should count. Get a little you we're gonna have to give all the statistics of this event after how many people how many people showed, how many kids actually watched the movie? No, no, nobody's gonna sit down and watch this movie. Did we put the screen in the right spot? Because that was a whole debate today. Did anyone notice the roses that my husband decided to plant today instead of doing everything that needs to be done for this party? Nobody's gonna notice those fucking roses. I should text every parent and be like, whatever you do, do not make one single comment. Did you have this before? Do not add one, do not say one single comment about those flowers just to annoy them. You gotta go home. I must go home. I must return to my movie theater of a house. Are you going to Never Neverland? It's a drive-in. Go on the drive-in. Oh, we have to come back. That's what we should name for it. That's what we should call. Not the drive-in, just the entire 60 party. I gotta go. Super boof is boofing. Boofing me in. Boofing. That's boofing. Okay. I'm gonna go home. We'll we will regroup on this actual episode. On Sunday for a weekend. On Sunday for a weekend. Follow edition. Stop it. Don't. Uh-uh. No. Stop it. So we need something here to be like on Sunday. Fast forward to Sunday. Take it away, Sunday. Amanda. Sunday. Haley. Is that the sound? Not what it sounds like. I think so. It's pretty close, right? We do. But okay, I'm gonna hand this off to the versions of us that exist on Sunday. That's two days older. Yeah, who knows what's gonna happen. Two days wiser, baby. Oh my god, it's tomorrow. Don't yeah. Okay, yep, go. Cool. Okay. I'll uh near nearly Sunday. Oh my god, it's right.

SPEAKER_00

Something about that white dog wall for wall. That's like oh yeah. Love it.

SPEAKER_01

I want to be debilitated when I get home after um movie night yesterday. Oh, promotion. So this is our Sunday cells. Yeah. One movie night in the books. You felt like that was a lot of people.

SPEAKER_00

Not that I felt like it was a lot of people, I think it was more like a lot of people that I've never seen before gathering in one spot was interesting. So we're gonna have a different perspective because you know them, and I've never seen these people before in my life. So for me, that might be how you feel on Sunday when you go to Jackson's birthday party.

SPEAKER_01

I also, I must say, I must say, the moment that the movie started and all those kids sat their butts down and it got quiet. We were all looking around at each other like, what just did that just work? Just work. It was very cute to see them all. It was amazing. Even though it lasted for it lasted for about 20 minutes, too.

SPEAKER_00

I was exactly gonna say 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_01

That is quite impressive. Um, I thought you were handing me a cigarette, but a joint. I keep trying to light it.

SPEAKER_00

Let's get to the phone. That's real. Yeah, that was cute.

SPEAKER_01

But again, I feel like I coagulated okay with just like you guys, the gays, and you're his the dads and his cousin, cousin? Yeah, I kept coming back there too. Yeah, but otherwise, I just I didn't feel like it was a lot of people. I took a video and um I sent it to my mom, and she was like, Oh wow, it's like a move uh concert in Central Park. Like it's really not that. It was cute though for the 20 years. Yeah, it's cute. Um, but I didn't feel like it was a lot of people, it didn't feel like a lot more people to me than like a Sunday fun day at our house. Yeah, but it was it was 55 people, I counted. But you have to, it's more than a Sunday fun day. I know, right? It is, but it didn't feel like that to me. It's oh a hundred percent it does. Oh, you got your hundred percent your little butt crack. I shit you not. There was 55%.

SPEAKER_00

Um Sunday fun days are always different, it's usually like family, yeah. And so you know what you're getting yourself into, you know how you can show up, yeah, yeah, and how you potentially could wind up, and also how I'm gonna show up. Yeah, yeah. I like at least knowing a percentage of the population.

SPEAKER_01

I get that, which is why I had you guys there, so I knew a percentage of the population. This little bitch. It was fun. I want to do it again. It was cute. We'll do another one in July. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Don't name any names or like anything specific. According to our set list, does everybody make the cut for the movie? People that you think that like you eventually will create a core of no no no no no no.

SPEAKER_01

What do you mean? No, no, no, no. At that party? Yeah. There's nobody you want to cut, or there's nobody that makes is there anybody that are there people that will make the cut? Yeah. Yeah. A couple. Are there people that won't make the cut, is what I meant to say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Yeah. That became a very important convers uh question for me to have with you.

SPEAKER_01

You just wanted to make sure that not everybody you would have to see again. Oh no, I was no, not at all.

SPEAKER_00

I just wanted to see if you and I were correct in the same mind frame. Oh, it was really hard to get that joint. I hand what just happened, but I feel it in my face. Now I feel a frontal. Gotta go home. Is this enough? Holy.

SPEAKER_01

Did you feel like you talked to everybody decently? Like, I want to put this up. Um, I feel like I worked the room enough and didn't work the room, work the art enough, and didn't sit with any one group of people too long. Like I was forcing myself to not just mingle with the people I already know.

SPEAKER_00

Do you feel like you had just like basic cordial conversations with anybody versus not versus opposite?

SPEAKER_01

Versus like having really good, enjoyable conversations? Like I had like a good handful of people. So not all of them. No, I didn't talk, I didn't talk to everyone for necessarily a long time. Have you guys had like any kindergarten mom nights?

SPEAKER_00

Or it's just like the women, dinner or happy hours.

SPEAKER_01

Um, they did a happy hour. They did one or two of those and then did you go to any of those? Two parent ones. Yeah. That does help kind of.

SPEAKER_00

No, I'm not saying you have to do it, but I'm just saying for the scorecard, it does help the next step of like, you know, I was gonna take one for the team for you, by the way. Why? For why? I already did by being there. I was gonna just bring a can that said exactly what the fuck I'm drinking so that like if I got any facial reaction to like yeah, then you would know who your people are. I would have I'm helping you cut your list even more.

SPEAKER_01

I know I was going I was planning to mop water all night. But you can't tell what you're drinking. No, but if anybody asked what I was drinking, I would have said it.

SPEAKER_00

You would have said mop water and be like, and assuming.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I would have said I I make my drinks with THC. Oh, you would have? Yeah. I didn't know. I did that at a party yesterday with family, my in-laws, my uh with his family. I didn't care. But you were worried about her seeing annoying moms on the porch. Yeah. Why? What's the difference? In-laws? You just said no, no, no, like his cousin, no, it was cousins. It was all people our age, it wasn't the grown-ups.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, I hear it again.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so I was like, just take a can over, see what kind of reaction. The only time it came up was with the teacher. I know that was so funny. So when's the next one? Uh I gotta pick a week in July. How many chores the end of July? We'll do one end of August. All right, well, there was a successful weekend and I am tired. All right, well, I got nothing else. Other than movie nights are fun. Other than what? Movie nights are fun. How do you decide what would be a hit? What movie to pick? It's gotta, I'm trying to find things that make me feel summer nostalgia. So thinking about like what the parents would also enjoy, right, that like makes us feel nostalgic, that I would guess we all would like want to be movies that our kids get to see in in the summer and like have some of our same childhood memories. So I'm trying to find things like that, but that appealed to both boys and girls because we're inviting a mix. Because Parent Trap to me feels like it's a quintessential summer movie. We've watched it a bunch of times already, but I don't think that would be very entertaining for a bunch of boys. Thinking little rascals or Dennis the Menace. I bet you there's gonna be a fucking long list when I figure out to open my phone.

SPEAKER_00

There we go. Summer camp movies, eh? Came up. Heavyweights? Camp Nowhere, heavyweights, apparently.

SPEAKER_01

If there isn't a long way, I think I think Dennis the Menace would be funny for their age. Little rascals is cute.

SPEAKER_00

Let's see. What kind of how do you go about all of these words? Movies that attract to a six-year old and 40-year old.

SPEAKER_01

So Gen Z, Gen Alpha, and Millennials. Let's see. Matilda would be cute. Here we go.

SPEAKER_00

I don't want to do your four free dig thing. No. Frozen one and two. No. No. Sing inside out up wally. Ratatouille. Secret life of pets. Utopia month. No. You're wrong, lady.

SPEAKER_01

Those will all be good movies in general, but one for like a Goonies Summer. The Parent Trap. It's hard because Home Alone would have been a good choice, but you're not going to play it now. We could do Christmas in July.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, remember now and then?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, but they're too young for that.

SPEAKER_00

But you remember.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, no, that's a summer movie for sure.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, here we go. Now and then. The Goonies. Diary of a Wimpy Kid Dog Days. No. Camp Rock. Parent Trap. Camp Nowhere. See a lot of camp movies. Not all fat kid camp, but camp.

SPEAKER_01

No, but camp because it takes two.

SPEAKER_00

Daddy Day Camp. Woody the Woodpecker Goes to Camp. Snoopy presents a summer musical. Camp Hideout. I don't know some of these. Lego Star Wars. No.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, these are not um They had the right idea in the beginning. All right, you think about that. And I'm gonna go to bed. Okay. I have my stupid show. Grease? That'll be fun when they're older and they jaws. Also will be fun when they're older. I said it to Alan, like, I really want to bring the the screen to my mom's and do jaws there. The kids stand by me.

SPEAKER_00

Mama Mia.

SPEAKER_01

Mama Mia will be fun too when they're older. Yeah, these are good when they're a couple years older. And by a couple I mean together. All right. I gotta figure out how to get across the street. The mighty ducks. That's hot summer. Come on, though. That's a great one. Okay. Goodbye.