Keys of Education (Lydia Jones)

Lydia Davis (Jones)  is a counselor and life coach with a passion for empowering individuals and families to be their best and truest selves.  Born and raised in Corpus Christi, Texas, Lydia is a product of two educator parents who are well known for their community work, which is something very near and dear to Lydia’s heart. Lydia has been a volunteer grief counselor as well as directing her campus Backpack Buddies program that provided meals for low-income families in the community.

Lydia is a graduate of The University of Texas at San Antonio with a Bachelor’s of Arts degree in Interdisciplinary Studies as well as a Masters of Arts Degree in Counseling from Prairie View A&M University.  Lydia has served diligently and tirelessly in the field of education for almost 15 years and is presently a Middle School Lead Counselor in Spring ISD. As a certified counselor, she assists students with conflict resolution, crisis management, peer mediation, and college and career readiness. Lydia truly has a heart for kids, creating innovative social emotional curriculum, which seeks to improve peer relationships, help teens navigate through current world events, combat bullying, and create open dialogue with parents and teachers.

Lydia is also a certified Life Coach and founder of Lyter Life Coaching where she helps clients set goals to overcome obstacles holding them back and improve their careers and relationships.   Lydia’s goal is to improve family dynamics and help bridge communication gaps that prevent families from having open and productive dialogue.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 1:00

Area is educated. After it's going to be an artist podcast today because it's about education, it's about learning, it's about focusing on our therapy and how it works, and focusing on uh the things that we can do if you are afraid of education because there are some people out there that may not have the vision of what they want to do or how they want to do things in life. And that's what this podcast is about. It's about overcoming your fears, uh overcoming those obstacles, and going all in uh to find a way to out of no way. So definitely, Lydia Jones, tell them how you do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

How do I do it? Well, with the love of the Lord and his help, because sometimes they take you there. Nah, but it's never, never, never a dull moment. Um, one student at a time, one kid at a time. Um, just letting them hopefully see your heart through everything and know that uh you have their best interests at heart.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Like I was saying, uh before we got cut off, I knew this. Um I was telling you that my son, I have two sons. I have one eleven, one fourteen. That you know, they are you know in school, they they they don't like school as much. Um ADHD. And so um, hey, okay, I don't really want to go to school. I mean to go to school. Because you know, that's a really good idea. No, that's not the case. You need to be in school so you can learn your arithmetic and you really experience in order to live. If you don't have that, you're gonna have a hard time living in these streets or live in the period of you know, just to try to trying to find a way. I was gonna ask you is when you speak to kids or in general, yeah, middle school kids or high school kids. What do you talk to them about? How how do you get them excited about education?

SPEAKER_01 3:21

So that's one of the um that's sometimes can be tough because they're coming from homes where clearly uh education is not an important thing, or they may see that they have, you know, a family member, mom and dad who owns their own business or is doing quite well for themselves and possibly didn't finish school at all, right? So they're coming here and you know they have teachers that are, you know, under a tremendous amount of stress to produce a certain score, you know, for a class. And so they're really on the kids, and it's kind of like a triple-down effect. So when I have a student that is unmotivated, I kind of try to find something that they do get motivated about. And sometimes that uh can be a little tricky, and then you turn that motivation, whatever it is, and you explain to them how school can play an important part in them achieving that goal, knowing that everybody's road is different. And sometimes there have been some conversations where they've been absolutely right. Now I will tell them you're absolutely right. However, the state of Texas says, or this says, that this is what you have to do. So if you already have this plan, you already, whatever, you can still come into this with an open mind or understand that this has to happen in order for you to get to what you're trying to get to. And so, I mean, but we do have, I feel like in a way, that's kind of what possibly makes me a little bit different. I am not going to tell you something because I guess it's like that old adage of thinking because I said so. It's not a because I said so, because some of their points are very valid. We are changing, the world is changing, and you know, back in the day, might when we were growing up, you were preached, go to college, go to college, go to college. That's the only way that you're gonna be successful. Well, we're starting to see now that that's not necessarily the case, and we should be okay with that, and we should be able to teach our kids that that's okay too. However, there are still some tools that you need in order to be successful in that right, and so finishing high school is giving you those tools. What you do after that? Well, okay, we'll talk about that too, but you need a plan. And so sometimes I'll ask them too, okay, so you feel like post-secondary education is not important. What's your plan? You know, well, I want to be a this, okay. So how do you plan on doing that? Have you researched this area? What do you need to be able to be successful in that area? So it's kind of unorthodox for some, but so far it's worked pretty well.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Yeah, you probably encountered a whole lot of kids that that uh challenges you uh on a daily. So how do you you you are very patient and uh very wise when it comes down to these kids. Uh because some of these kids are disrespectful. Very very, very disrespectful to their elders. And um, I wish that you know they would learn something from someone and be able to kind of look out to the wise. Uh been there and done that type of guys, because we did, you know, when we're growing up, we're trying to trying to figure out how to do things and the best way to get through, you know, and I know that your parents were educators. Um, how did they how did they impact your life?

SPEAKER_01 6:40

They provided a very good model to follow. Um, I mean, and again, I'll say it, you know, forever. I mean, it's just it was a blessing. And I realize that everyone doesn't have that and didn't have that. But they provided an excellent model. It was an excellent model on the importance of education, um, and how, you know, just doing what you're supposed to do will actually, you know, things will fall into place with that. But they had a plan, they followed their plan, you know, and as a consequence, this is what they received. And also growing up, um, education was important, but it wasn't we had high my sister and I had high standards that we, you know, they gave us standards, which we're supposed to, but it wasn't contingent upon anything. We were loved regardless. Um, if there was a subject area that we struggled with, for me, it was math. Was math. We celebrated small victories. So if I came home with a 76 on my report card as a high school sophomore, we celebrated that because we knew what it took to get there. And that's something else that I kind of try to pass along to my students. Um, that you're not that number. Yes, you need that number in order to, you know, get out of school and everything, but you're not that number. I struggled with math, but that didn't stop me. You know, you everyone has a struggle. So that would be uh another one of the things that I feel like they really promoted with us. Um we we were we we celebrated the small victory.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Are there any like games that you play with them? Probably to like I guess keep them motivated in class? Um well for me it's different.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

They may come to me um if they're struggling with something. It's not so much games, I would say, as I'm the one that gives them things to think about. In my office, I have a ton of those um really cheap, like 25 cent journals. Um, and so when kids come or if they're sent to me and there's a specific something that they're dealing with, you know, if it's a class, if they're having a hard time with, you know, give me three things you like about the class, but I'm telling you, I don't like it. Well, you have to find something. Even if you, you know, when you walk in, the teacher smiles or something like that. So it's not so much games that we play, it's it's me trying to extend their thinking on certain things. If they're not avid writers, they can draw. If they don't like drawing, they can give me um three of their favorite songs that they would want to share with me, and then tell me how they feel when they when you know when they listen to those songs. So those are some of the tactics or strategies I use when they come in my office.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Oh man. Are you talking about like today's songs or back in the day songs?

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Whatever songs they want. It's whatever songs they want, whatever they want. And if it's today's songs, you know, we gotta keep it clean and they know that, you know, it'll be the edited version, whether they listen to it or not. But it's whatever songs they feel because in order to try to help them, you have to get into their minds. And so that's some of the ways we um I try to do that.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

That's awesome. Now, as a counselor, and you have the kids going to your office, you kind of just you help them, you know, guide their light. So I know in a way, you know, um I know you can't use God in school and maybe um this faith uh happen to play a part with you what what you do at all?

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Yes, absolutely. For me, and yes, we are not supp we're not supposed to. Every now, if they come in and they say, you know, this, then I'm with them all the way. But I mean, yeah, it it has to. And sometimes that's all you have because you know, throughout my time doing this, you hear some stories that are just they're crazy and it's beyond sad and it's troublesome, and you know, fosters kids, adopted kids. I've had students come in, you know, who were fresh off of an emergency removal from their home. So I'm the first face they see after being ripped from their house, whether it was, you know, for whatever reason. That's crazy. So faith has to play a part in it because there's no way you can do anything. There's no way you can be a teacher, there's no way you can be an education without it, let alone a counselor.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Yeah, I know. It's you gotta have some type of strength, uh, you know, from the inside because you deal with you probably listen to uh a lot of stories that you probably take home, and it's hard to it's is it hard to separate uh the stuff that you hear at the house, I mean the stuff that you hear at at the office to the house. Is there is there a uh a differential there or how do you uh cope with that?

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Um, so talking helps. Um, of course, every therapist has a therapist, and I'm certainly no exception to that. And I mean, I have a I have a great support system at home. Like um, you know, yes, we're newlyweds, but my husband's very helpful and very supportive. You know, he'll let me come home and and kind of dump on him. It's a lot. Um, I've been blessed enough to have really good friends that we've been at the same school forever, and now I consider them family. So the relationship I have with these students, they see them too. So we kind of bounce things off of each other. Um, I mean, there there have been some times where we were almost ready to become, you know, foster parents ours. So there was one little girl two years ago, um, who her story actually improved, and I'm still in touch with her. But I mean, mom was strung out on drugs. There were no lights in the house. I mean, and you're thinking, This is 2019. What do you mean there's no water in your house? What do you mean you couldn't take a bath? What how did you get that mark on your arm? What do you mean, a rat? Bitch, you a rat? Where is this coming from? And so we were repeated calls, CPS, and they were like, Well, that's not abuse. That's just, you know, that's just an unfortunate situation. Bad parenting is what we got. And I mean, it was myself and and like I said, family. There's a registrar who's still there. Who we took it upon ourselves to kind of see what this baby needed: clothes, birthday, shoes. I mean, um, my the registrar would take her to get her hair done, and we were able to, through God, it was only through God, where we were able to get her to her grandmother, and now grandma has custody of her and her sister. But I mean, it's like those type of stories. You remember, they're tough, but you remember why you were placed there. You were placed there to be alike to someone, and she's not at that school anymore, but of course, through grandma, we're still able to keep in touch with her. And so uh earlier, well, before the pandemic, at the end of last year, we were able to go eat lunch with her at her new school. So it doesn't stop. It truly is, you truly have to enjoy what you do because it's not for the faint of heart at all.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Yeah, you have to build relationships, and I'm glad that you're still you're still doing that, and I'm I'm glad that you keep building relationships and true relationships. Because you know, you can be in someone's life and then not be invested. And that's uh I I hope and pray that you know more counselors are like you, you know, because there's a lot of people that are looking for guidance and they need uh and they need people to invest in them. Uh you know, I I work for a school district too as well. And I don't see very many kids now that uh are being invested in the starting in third grade uh you know I mean and these kids they talk to the best track. Okay, and so we we get a lot of that and then when they go home because maybe being on the best is the best time that they ever had with a kid, with their friends. So it's it's crazy listening to the stories and I agree. And that's why like coming from you know the the classroom to your office is uh it's probably one of the journeys that the kids go through. But I think decision making by that time, by the time they hit your office, and then when they walk out of your office, um hopefully, you know, there's a life change there.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

And one can hope, because it's hard. I mean, it's hard and it's a hard balance, and you have to be an advocate for the kids. You have to be an advocate for the grown-ups as well, and they kind of go hand in hand with you saying that you didn't see that a lot. And I get why you wouldn't see it a lot, because teachers get they get dumped on and pounded on by admin, where so much so to where you don't even look at the students as individuals. I mean, okay, so this student scored this on the last one. In order for this to happen, I gotta bring them up to this. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care what you're going through, I gotta produce this number so that I can keep my job. So again, we're losing sight of the students. We're not building up their character or their emotional intelligence, they're just the numbers. And so that's the hard part. And I mean, even I have my days where there's reports we have to turn in or being on the middle school level. You got scheduling that talk to kids about their classes, and so you know, if I have a report that's due at 12, and then me being lead, you know, that's even a little bit more stressed. You know, there's a kid crying, I had to check myself because I was like I in my head, I'm like, I don't have time for this right now. And then I was like, Yes, you do. That's exactly what you have time for. You know, like this is what you're supposed to be doing. So sometimes it just takes a little bit of perspective.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Yeah, that's a lot of perspectives. Yeah, to refocus, you know. Right. So speaking speaking of focus, I see that you have written something. I did. And it's I believe that it's a game changer completely. So it's it's called uh what exactly do school counselors do?

SPEAKER_01 17:09

And so I did. Go ahead. Oh, I did that because um even in my office or when we apart of being a middle school counselor, you you talk to the elementary campuses, specifically the fifth graders, to prepare them for sixth grade. And so we go to these campuses, and I'm you know, we're introducing ourselves, three of us on our team, one for each grade level, and you ask the simple question does anybody know what a counselor does, or point to your counselor. That's one of the things I always do. And for the most part, they can point to their elementary counselor. Well, okay, well, tell me what you know, Miss Such and Such or Mr. Such and Such does, and it's cricket. And so I you don't know what your counselor does, you don't know what a counselor is, you know, and so that's where that came from. And what I wanted to do, my mission and goal is to normalize counseling, normalize working through, talking through situations, feelings, and issues for students at a young age so that when you get older, that's acceptable and it's it's okay to do, and it's not something that's looked at as a weakness because in actuality it's a sign of strength. And so that's where that came from.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

Wow. Wow. That is such that is a sign of strength. And not only that, but um I it's a it's completely a game changer because you know the the I look at it as you know, being in middle school and learning how to communicate is a big, big thing middle school that don't know how to uh express their emotions and how they feel and what's going on with them until they use certain verbiage. Are you able to share any of that verbiage with in within your book? Or how is how is it how was it written and how um did you articulate the words that are in in your book now, like to be able to um I guess um resonate to the kids?

SPEAKER_01 19:13

So so through my book, uh you're looking at it through the eyes of uh through the eyes of a young chocolate boy. We'll call him Little John, right? So little John's in school and he sees uh this lady, you know, putting up pictures with faces about, you know, like different emotions. When you feel this, what does this do? Things of that nature. So he was curious about it. And so throughout the book, you see this character have different situations happen at school and at home. One one in particular was like uh grandma got sick. Well, that's typical, um, not typical, but that's something that's not so uncommon. A family sickness to the point to where his grandmother had to go to hospital, and he didn't know he was scared, he was angry, he was these things, and he didn't know how to express that, or he went and talked to his counselor about different things. It was when he was happy, he met a new friend, or you know, when he was angry, or things of that nature. And so that's what I wanted to portray. You don't necessarily just go to counseling when you're upset or bothered, and being upset and bothered are totally normal emotions. It's what you do about those things that is really important, that really counts. Um, you talked about middle school, that level is very it's challenging, it's comical, it's interesting, it's all of those things because at that age is when you you find out your individual identity, you know? But it's like that age is where you figure out your moral compass. Um, and so it's also sad because in this age, this day and time, everybody wants to be accepted. So I don't want to be necessarily the leader unless everybody's gonna like me. I want to just be just where every I'm acceptable to everyone else, but never mind my feelings. And so, you know, I've had girls and boys in there, well, why didn't you tell them that that hurt your feelings? No, that's okay, I'm cool. It was funny, it's okay. You know, it's not okay. There is a way to share, you know, that this is how you're feeling. There is a way to say, hey, I didn't really like that when you did this, however, you know, whatever. And so that's kind of what I wanted to what not kind of, that's exactly what I wanted to portray in that book. And so that kids, middle school kids, students knew there is someone on that campus that you can talk to about those things and what goes on in there stays in there. That's what conf confidentiality is. What we talk about stays in here unless you're in danger of harming yourself or someone else. And I make that very clear. You do not have to hold your tongue when you're in my office. Let's talk about it because you need an outlet. Everybody needs an outlet.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

You're right. And uh so you also work with mental health, yes? Mm-hmm. Yes. So how does that um work? What type of mental health or mental uh I guess mental wellness it do you deal with on a nor on a normal day?

SPEAKER_01 22:18

Pretty much you run the gamut. Um what has surprised me um this year and last year is I've almost had more um adults in my office, um school staff as as kids. And it's because I mean you think about where we are in this day and time, and it's totally uncharted territory. And so it's just when you ask, you know, is there anything specific? Not necessarily, it's just trying to create balance, wholeness, and wellness. I've done a little bit of the grief counseling, I even volunteered um at a grief counseling place for kids, um, and that was pretty eye-opening, but it's pretty much uh it's the whole gamut. Well, so wherever there's a need.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

At this so what was the struggles in order to get that to this place? Like you mean like so in order to get to like I guess what I'm looking for is more of like I know there's there had to be a time where you felt the same way. So how did you overcome that uh to get to the place where you are now uh healthy and um and mentally strong?

SPEAKER_01 23:34

Um it's just it's reading. Um it's educating my you know, just educating yourself. Um this area has always been of interest to me. Like, you know, I can pick people's brains or just kind of people watch like all day. So I guess it's just the curiosity part of it. And then, you know, going to school to do it. Um, it's funny because when I was younger, I wanted to be a psychiatrist. I did. I was like, Daddy, I I've really figured out I want to be a psychiatrist. And he was like, mm-mm, try to keep. And I was like, why? He was like, girl, you're not good at math, and he's I mean, you know, he was right. But it's just like the continual study of it is is is just it's interesting to me why people make the choices that they do, why do they feel what they feel? Why do they say some of the things they say? And it's been one of the most eye-opening things ever.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

That's why I'm in love with it.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

And you just read.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

That's crazy because that's why I'm in love with educators, because you guys are so um in debt with what you do. And it's it it's uh it's curious, it's almost curious about um, you know, what type of questions I ask because it's it's it's because sometimes you may not understand everything that comes out of my mouth because I might not be expressing it correctly. But I know what I want to say. And and so as an educator, you know, you have the patience to deal with people like myself. So I'm I'm just thanking you and that whole generation of educators uh at your school and and all around the world, and everybody that's listening to this podcast, um, you guys are the awesome people that are in the front lines. Uh just like medical people, you know. I mean, it's you guys they're dealing with our our children, you're dealing with our adults and uh older generation as well. Because those guys with dementia and uh and uh those type of things, man, it's it gets bad, it gets bad, and it takes special type of people in order to deal with it. It certainly does. It really does. So I gotta ask you, after all of these things that you've done, you what are your most proud of accomplishments?

SPEAKER_01 25:52

Um just being able to help. That's pretty much it. Um that's it. I mean, there's nothing really specifically, or just being able to continue to you know hone the gift God has given me and use it however he sees fit.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Wow. Just being available, that's it. That's it. Is there a vision that you might have?

SPEAKER_01 26:20

So yes. And I don't want to limit it, but just like um writing books that was actually enjoyable and not as painful as I thought it was gonna be, or scary, not as scary as I thought it was going to be. But um, my sister jokes around all the time and calls me like the Eonla fanzan 2.0. That's actually not a bad idea.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

Like I take that.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

I definitely take that. And so, you know, just helping. I mean, I definitely see myself um having my own practice, um, you know, to help uh families, you know, anybody that needs it, not just kids. Um, I really do have a love of, you know, helping build up families, especially, you know, not limited to, you know, African American or brown communities, but that's where I see the need because again, the stigma is if you go to therapy or or need a therapist that you're weak, and that's not true. It's not true at all. It's actually one of the strongest things that you can do because it's one of the best investments in your mind and your body that you can do. So just trying to get the word out to minorities that it's okay and it's cool, and you know, if you just trust us, me, you know, we can show you that you know, we can untap and unlock some things that'll make life better.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

Right, right. I believe that wholeheartedly. We all need uh to uh reset. Uh I call that the the reset of everything that you can pretty much dump all on your therapist. No, and that's true. That's true. And and hopefully, well, I guess in my mind, I'm always looking for an answer or solution. So I know therapists, it's not about um the answer or solution, but it's about tapping, like right? It's about um getting you getting you to that place.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

Yeah, I say it all the time. Um, it's about giving you the tools to enhance your toolbox, right? Everybody has, you know, a toolbox, and you know, sometimes we encounter issues and situations, um, and we don't ha necessarily have the right tool to help us work through that. Well, to me, that's what therapy is for. You know, we help you, you know, add tools to the toolbox. So that when you come across something that may need to be fixed or adjusted, you have the right tool.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

Right. So at this point, what would be the next steps for I guess your toolbox?

SPEAKER_01 28:59

Um, continuing education, of course. Um you know, we we have uh somebody, you know, a mutual friend, uh Adrian has been trying to get me to get, you know, a doctorate. And I don't the Lord hasn't told me that yet, but it's just it's just continuing, you know, on the educational path so that you know I can build up my toolbox to kinda help people. Um whoever I encounter, whoever comes into my office, whoever sits on my couch or sits in my chair.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

That's so awesome.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

That's pretty much it.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

So at this point, um, how can they get in contact with you or get in contact with uh actually uh the book, you know, how how can people get uh your book and just let them know what they can do.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

So my book now is on is you can get it through Amazon. The title is What Exactly Do School Counselors Do? Um you can type that in and it's there on Amazon. Um I do have a social media. Uh I have Facebook. Um I need to do better about Facebook and Instagram and motivational quotes and such. But um, yeah, that's it. I'm here. And I'm growing.

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Well, that's awesome. And uh, Lydia, thank you for even being on our podcast today. I thank you for being an educator and being who you are, the smiling person, the motivated person that you are. And I'm so proud uh of you and your accomplishments. And uh uh uh congratulations on your newlywed uh person. We did. Yes, we are. And that's another story for the ages, yeah, during the pandemic. You are uh excited about that's the whole thing is excited. Uh it's an exciting thing to do, man. It is. And uh I just thank you, man, for being on.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 30:56

Thank you for showcasing educators and and therapy, making therapy go. Thank you. Oh, yeah, that should be a chair. Making therapy go.