Trauma Bond

When you are bonded to an abuser; through the use of Biblical scripture...

Trauma bond; based on terror, dominance, and unpredictability...a strong emotional bond.

Exodus 20:12, the 5th Commandment; Ephesians 6:1-3, 4 (Used to dominate parental/child relationship)

Luke 6:37, (Judgement used to manipulate)

Matthew 6:14, (Use of forgiveness as a form of manipulation)

Proverbs 20:19, (Gossiper spreading rumors)

Matthew 5:39, (Turning the other cheek)

Transcript

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Hi friends, welcome to Matthew 4.4. I'm your host, Winifer. Today I'm going to talk about trauma bond. Trauma bonding. It's based on terror, dominance, and unpredictability. It's a strong emotional bond with the foundation of abuse. And you are loyal to your abuser. And I myself have had trauma bond. And this is something that I really thought it wasn't widespread until today. I work with someone in my work environment, and this person was able to bring up a court case, charges against individuals that cause trauma in this person's life during their childhood. Be careful how you are handling our youth because they are our future. Things that people used to be able to do to you years ago, these children are not suffering from it. And coming from a family that is grounded and rooted in the word of God through the teachings of Jesus Christ. And when I say rooted, the roots, the seed was planted, and the roots are embedded in the earth. Okay. And the tree that blossomed looked like it was flourishing, but some of the fruit it was damaged. And I'm someone that was damaged by some of the treatment that I received as a child. And I'm pretty sure, hmm, you might want to do a pity party. Nah, not for me. No. But the trauma that I experienced, dating back to being known as the child that was incest, not truly knowing who my real father is. Lies and manipulations, cover-ups. No one wants to tell the truth. And no one wants to shame the liar so that they can stop. But anyhow, I want to talk about trauma bonding. And coming from a family that I believe truly believes that the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob is their everything. And they believe that his son Jesus willingly agreed to come here to deliver us from suffering. I do at least. I want to start with some things that people will use when you are growing up as a child or you are an adult and you have bonded with someone that abuses you physically, emotionally, sexually, financially, whatever it is they do to hold you grounded, and you still feel the need to stay loyal to this person. You feel that they love you. You love them out of this world, especially if it's a child that the parent or the parents are the abuser, the one that the bond is, the trauma bond was created between them. You fear losing that person in spite of all the harm that they do to you. I want to bring some things to like because have you ever heard anyone tell you, honor your father and your mother, or your days will be shortened? As a child, someone telling you that you know what they are doing to you, saying to you, or want you to keep quiet about is something that is not okay, it's wrong. And because you know that God is real, they use his word, the word of God, to keep you in line. Some call it the fear of God. That's not the fear of God, that's manipulation. It is where they tell you that you gotta listen to me because I'm your mother, or you gotta go over here and do this. Some parents are doing things that are unspeakable, and in order to continue to get what they want, I'm gonna tell you, as a child, I was I think I was like in the tenth grade. And right before I was getting ready to go to school, I got ready and I was getting ready to go to the bus stop. And my mother, she's like, Oh, I want you to go up there and get me a bag of weed. And as a child, you feel that you cannot say no, you have to do what they want you to do, and this isn't to beat down on her, she's not here to defend herself, she no longer lives, she's not with us, but there are some people that need to be set free from things such as this. I didn't want to go, my heart was racing, but I couldn't tell her no. At least I didn't think I could without being in trouble. And it I don't mean like physical abuse, emotional abuse, I believe personally, is the worst form of abuse that I ever received as a child. Where you are given this false sense of love and this sense of belonging. If you don't do what I want you to do, I'm not gonna call you my bae. I'm not gonna hug you or you know, make you understand that I love and care for you. Well, anyhow, I didn't want to deal with that. I was getting ready to go to school, and so I did what she said. She gave me her money, and I went to this place, and they knew me because they saw me with her, and they gave me what she wanted, and I took it back to her before I went to the bus stop to get on the bus. And I didn't feel good, I felt uneasy, but I gave it to her. She was so happy, she could have gone to get that herself, but she didn't. She had me. That was a bond, a trauma bond. And so when I got out of school, she told me, she's like, I'll never do this again. I will never ask you to go somewhere and get my weed for me ever again. And so I looked at her, I didn't ask her any questions, I knew not to. And she went on to explain. She told me, she said, you know, after you left there, those guys were busted. They went to prison, they were arrested. And truly, that was God speaking to her, letting her know that. And how she would have known, I don't know. Someone must have told her in the community, you know, you set that child up there to get that. And right after, and they probably were there watching. That's just me speculating. And someone said something to her, and she's like, I'll never ask you to do something like that ever again. Do you know why? I thought when she said that, that meant she loved me so much, she would not put me at risk like that to go to like some children's center or something like that, or to be taken from her. I think, yes, that was a fear. That's just me. God did not reveal it. But I believe what she realizes is I still need her to do different things for me. And if I put her in risk like that and they in danger like that, she was also thinking about what are people gonna say about me? She doesn't use the drugs. There would be no reason for her to be there. They would have known why I was there, and then it would have come back to her, and she also probably would have gone to jail. But just, I want you to understand being a servant of God, be careful how you use the scripture, being one of his vessels, and even if you are not, don't prey on people that are less fortunate than you are, cognitive thinking, their skills are not as quick as yours. You know, you look at some people, myself. I might be someone that when you hear me or see me, I'm lonely. I'm beneath you. That's how you think, not me. But don't use the Bible to manipulate and to form bonds with people that are rooted in emotional turmoil and abuse, mental, physical, or sexual abuse. Whether it's a child, an adolescent, or an adult. Now, Ephesians, first of all, let's go to Exodus chapter 20, verse 12. Because the scripture that a lot of parents like to use to either try to get their kids to be on a straight path, and yes, they mean that. They want you to understand, you need to honor me as your parent. I'm not talking about that. You'll know if this is something that resonates in your spirit where you have been bonded to someone that is in a ministry. When you look at them, you think God is using that person. Okay, now, Exodus 20, verse 12 says, Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land which the Lord your God is giving you. And also, as you know, my mother and her mother had a very tumultuous life there together. They were often going at it until they were able to come to some type of resolution before they both passed away. Well, oftentimes that scripture would be thrown at her. You know, your days are numbered because you are not honoring your mother. You were being very ridiculous disrespectful towards her, especially the time when she went in there and snatched her wig off of her head in the church. You know, and I guess she felt some sense of relief because of what her mother said about her and her father. The poor woman only had one living child, and she was accused of having sex with her father and then giving birth to a child with him, and she only had one child, and that was myself. So with her lashing out and everything, and wanting to harm her mom, and she didn't get a free pass for that, but that's some scripture that can be used instead of healing scripture, asking God to heal them, bring them back together, mint whatever the rift was, the tear in the relationship, allow forgiveness to flow without manipulation. And one thing they would often say is because they didn't want to hear her talk about it, you would get tired of hearing someone talking about the same thing over and over and over again because you're like, okay, I know what she's gonna talk about. You might be glad to see them, but you know they're gonna sit up and talk about the same thing that's been binding them down. But the only thing they wanted was closure, they want validation, but their feelings were bruised tremendously. That was a trauma bond right there. Yes, it was. Now I want to go over to Ephesians 6 because it also, these are different scriptures that you might find in the Bible where people will use they'll like hurl those at you in order to say and do things to you. Oh no, no, you know you're you're a Christian, you're not supposed to be doing this or that. How do you know the relationship that that person has with God? It's personal. That's between that person and God. It doesn't include you at all, especially if you're the person that beats them down and tears them down, and you're the one who wants to use and abuse. Now, Ephesians 6, verse 1 to 3 also tells us: children obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you, and that you may have a long life on earth. Now, my mother passed away in her fifties. She was young. And some, some of these Christians that knew them and how the relationship, how dysfunctional that trauma bond was between her and her mother, they often associated that with her having a short life expectancy. It did not. She did not have, she needed to have a surgery. And you know, when your doctor will say, like, who can we call if there's something going on? You know, if there's an emergency or we need to talk to them about something, who can you give us consent to be able to contact? You know, so that we can make sure that you get a message. So, like most people, you're gonna put your mother, your father, your sister, someone who you know is gonna be able to get in touch with you, your daughter, your son, someone you know that has enough intelligence that they're going to be able to, you know, your doctor call, and they don't give you all the information, but it's important that you get in touch with them. I want to tell you something. I remember my grandmother, she told me this. She looked at me, she looked at me right in my eyes, and she said she called my mom's name because she was even they did have that trauma bind, she didn't want her daughter dead. She told me she said she called my mother's name, she said her doctor called me and asked me to tell her to have the surgery, she would live. She thought because, and she wasn't thinking, you know, medical science has advanced. And she thought when they would take her breath away when she had to go under the anesthesia, for some strange reason she thought that she was going to die. I don't know if that's what God revealed to her or not, but the way that those doctors were reaching out to different ones to get her to have the surgery, God wanted her to live. But she wanted fear. I remember one time before she passed away, she was talking to me. And I said something to her, and she said, Winifer, when you talk to me about stuff, it makes me feel like everything is gonna be all right, and it is. Because God is not gonna allow me to tell you something unless He truly wants you to know. That's meant to break and tear you down. But if God is saying something to you and that person, you hear confirmation and something someone is saying, you don't even have to put it out there on the table and let anyone know. That was just the moment you needed to be right there to hear that word. But she was afraid to have the surgery. Well, she passed away, anyhow. So a lot of people would use that scripture to validate the reason behind my mother's passing away. You know, be careful what you say because hey, I got a scripture also, Luke chapter 6, verse 37, tells you about judging. They really didn't know her relationship, they knew of her. See, I didn't know your past, they knew she used to like a blunt, she used to like to smoke wheat, and she used to have her wine, you know, stuff like that. And she had stopped going out and stuff like that. I want to tell you, before this woman passed away, I had never seen anybody wreck a Bible except for myself. And when I say wreck a Bible, I mean, well, you gotta put the pages back together, you gotta tape it to try to hold it back together because you ain't got enough money to go run to the store and go buy another one. You just keep reading that one. Well, you done cried, weeped, and moaned all night long. The pages in your Bible got like that brownish like tinge on the end. Yeah. Look like it was you that book was something that they recovered out of a storm. It is a storm that was within you. Be careful what you say about people, because the very ones that you said may be going. Heaven might be on their way to hell. Close your mouth and stop saying where people are going. Okay. But this is just to let you know about a trauma bond. When we have trauma bonds, we'll have a sense of loyalty, especially when you're part of a religious sect, a religious community. Oftentimes a lot of cults they'll use this to keep you grounded, to keep you under their control. And parents that are they want to control some of their children, they'll use that scripture. So you gotta just have a good relationship with God to know what he's saying to you. But Exodus 20, verse 12, that's the fifth commandment telling us about honoring our parents, and Ephesians 6, verse 1 through 3 tells us about when we don't honor and we need to honor our parents. But if we don't honor them, he tells us what's gonna happen to us. And I just give you a scenario as to what that was. Now I want to go on to verse 4, but that's not in there, but God let me know. Say verse 4 also. Verse 4 in Ephesians 6 says, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up with the training and instruction of the Lord. You can't provoke those kids to carry on like that with you. They're pulling off of the wig, cussing you out, wanting to fight you, want to jump on you. Some of them will try to do it and they're just loaded down with drugs, alcohol, and some of them just plain nasty. But make sure you haven't done anything to cause those children to that's wrath, to be very nasty towards you. Give them their space. I have children that are grown grown. I learned that looking at a comedian, and I mean my kids are grown grown. I work alongside people that are younger than my two oldest daughters. Almost fell out when they told me their ages, and then I showed them a picture of my two oldest ones. They couldn't believe they were the ages they are. Yeah. But they are. To them, they look younger. To me, they look like they were their age. But anyhow, let's move on to Matthew 6, verse 14, because Matthew 6 is another scripture where we need to forgive. When we need to be forgiving other people, okay. People will use that to keep on letting us know we have to forgive sister so-and-so, because that's what God would want us to do. Yes, he does want us to forgive them. Stop apologizing to people for things that you have not done wrong to them. Okay. You know? But let's move over to Matthew 6, verse 14. And it says this is Jesus speaking because it's in the red writing. It says, if you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly father will forgive you. Okay. And then let's go on to verse 4 15 because it says, But if you do not forgive others, neither will your father forgive your transgressions. There is a scripture in the Bible that tells us that God knows while we do the things we do. Okay? Don't give someone free reign in your life to handle you any kind of way. Do you understand me? And that means you sit up there and let them just treat you any way they want to treat you because you are supposed to be Christian, and it's just something you need to do. I was at a church a few years ago in Florida, and the lady got up, she was preaching, preaching, preaching on the healing. Well, she wasn't preaching, she was doing the I don't know what they call it when it you first began the opening up service. She was in charge of that. But she began to speak, and she was saying how you could tell she was very appreciative of her pastor because he had prayed for her and something was wrong with her hand, and she needed her hand to keep things going in her home as far as making money and providing for her family, and so she just kept preaching and preaching. And she was a preaching, she was just like, she was just praising what that man had done and how he had prayed for her, and it was amazing. So I'm like, oh, he's anointed. He's really, she was able to go to him, he prayed for her, and she was able to go on the work in spite of, and she still was relieved of pain in spite of what the hand looked like. The hand looked like it shouldn't have been able to be moved, but she was able to do her job. Anyhow, she asked different people, which I'm assuming she opened the floor up for anybody. I didn't know if you're just visiting, you could not speak. But anyhow, she had opened up the mic and she said, Who in here wants to testify as how good God has been to them in healing and delivering them from stuff? Then nobody put their hand up but me. And I'm like, I do. I wanted to God had flooded me with all kinds of stuff, and I'm like, I want to, and so I had my hand up. I even stood up. She went around, just she overlooked me. She's like, to me, I don't know what God had done for you, but it couldn't have been too much. That's my thinking. So that was the devil using me there, but I didn't say that to her. But anyhow, she's like, is there anyone that, and she was in front of her church saying this, is there anyone that would like to speak and tell what God has done for them? Anyone have a testimony? And so I said, I do. My tone changed, and I stood up. I kid you not, I was getting ready to go and get the microphone from her because, first of all, it was my late grandfather's church, and he told me when I was a little girl, Dixie, you will never have to worry about where you can go and praise and worship the Lord. That's why building this church and putting it together for our family. He said, You don't know how it is to be in some of these churches, and you are not a family that started it from the foundation up. And I listened to him and I'm like, Yes. And then I was aggressive that day. I'm like, Well, I want to testify as to what God has done for me. And it was another uh the assistant pastor, you know, the pastor, he didn't say anything, but the assistant pastor got up, and she she gave me that phone, that uh microphone. And so I began to tell her that I had a child. I won't I was looking directly at her. I'm like, you asked who wanted to testify about how good God has been for this to them, and I let her know I had a child that weighed two pounds and four ounces, and his lungs were severely underdeveloped. And I was told by doctors while he was still inside my womb, we're gonna bring some paper. It was a teaching hospital, and it was I think it was four or five doctors with dirt white coats on. They came in and they had these papers for me to sign. They wanted me to give him to science because they told me that he wasn't gonna live past the age of two. He might make it to age four. I believed them. My relationship with God was I didn't even have one. And he still would make a way for me. And so I told her, I say, he's sitting right here. They told me he would live until he was two and five at the most. And I began to tell her the beginning of his life. I couldn't bring him home. He had to stay until his lungs were developed. And I told my mother about him. And she had never, she had always told me about God, but she never got into detail about him where she could have taught me a lot more about him, but I'm not angry. But my mother began to talk to me, and she's like, the reason they bring the papers in there is because they want you to give him to science, they're gonna experiment on him. And she's like, Child, don't you give those people no meat you cannot go to the grocery store and buy? They want a donation, and the donation they want is your child. And they're like, No, you don't either. Don't you give them my grandson? And what she said to me is name him miracle. Oops, I said his name. And she's like, Don't you leave that hospital without naming him miracle because that's exactly what he is, and she say, is what she told me. She said, I didn't know that their sister, her older sister, was a premature child, was a premature baby until that happened when I gave birth to my son. And she's like, She living, and she got her own children, and she's raised them. Yeah, and she's someone's grandmother. And so I'm like, Okay, and you know what she told me? God is getting ready to get your attention, he got it now, and she's like, He's getting ready to show you something, and she began to tell me, He can do, God can do all things except fail. And he's getting ready to do something through that little boy that you just gave birth to, something he wants you to know about him. Yeah, she told me that. I kid you not. My sack, it had leaked, it had a tear in it, so all the water was out, and I used to have to drink, drink, drink. They had been watching, they had been doing ultrasounds. I could literally see him inside, sitting up in there just waiting to come out. And so after they saw the last time, they knew that I was getting ready to go into birth, to birth him. And I did that very same day. And that night, it was early in the morning, and so they had said, Well, it's gonna be a dry labor. Do you want us to give you anything? Man, I'm over. I'm like, I never took nothing for any of them except for the first one. And what I did take, it made me groggy because I didn't have the epidural, and so I'm like, I do not feel like having my head all high up off of whatever your drugs are, but I still feel pain in my body, so let's just go ahead and wing it. And that was a dry labor. I could literally feel my hips when they moved to open up. I could feel everything moving where it needed to go. Okay. And I'm like, listen, I cannot take this anymore. And so the doctor that had been with me, he's like, the way that the contract, the contractions are coming, you're about to give birth any minute. That's why I'm here so close by. Because they knew he was gonna be, he was born at, I think it's 26 weeks. I've my memory's not a second. He was born at 26 weeks. And they had a little tiny incubator beside our bed, well, my bed, and they had like a nasal cannula. They had stuff that they were gonna do to help him. And what they did is they and he did, he came right after there. He's like, it's almost here. By the time we get the emperor, the baby will be out, and they're like, just a little bit longer. And he's like, okay, and so the team came in, and these were people that were learning to do to become doctors, and they were fascinated because they were not they were to see baby that tiny and to be able to, you could see through his skin. I didn't know that they were that little, you know, like being well, they could stay alive and be so tiny like that. And that's when my views on abortion changed, okay. But I'm not so against abortion that I go against what the individual is wanting, but just to randomly just go have an abortion because oops, I made a mistake. No. Uh-uh. Anyhow, he was born, and I saw him, his little big eyes. He was so tiny. And what they did is they didn't even wrap him in a blanket, they put him in like a this bubble wrap. And they did let him lay up against me just for a little bit, but they had to get him where he could breathe because you could literally see his lungs moving. And he made it. And they're like, okay, they found a doctor. They were gonna send him to, no, they were gonna send him to the doctor in my hometown because I did not live there. I was in Hershey, Pennsylvania. I actually lived in Chambersburg because of him coming so early. They sent me to Hershey. The ambulance took me there because they wanted to make sure I didn't give birth in the ambulance. This is just to let you know, things that God can do. We have to forgive people. This is stemming from how the lady treated me when she asked who had a testimony. I had a testimony. Long story short, that little boy that I had grew up to be a grown man. Okay, but he spent the first four years of his life inside of a plastic bubble. Seriously. He spent so much time at Hershey Medical Center. It was called Penn State Geisinger during the time he was in the children's hospital. He spent so much time there. The one nurse, she told me, she's like, I know he's used to being around grown people because he did not even interact with the other kids. He would say hi and whatnot, but he liked to dance and move around in front of the adults. And he was like around three. And I think I've told this before. And so he did bond with my mother, one of her sisters, her youngest sister. And when she came with me to visit him, man, that was God wrote. That little boy jumped up from there. He was so glad to see her. It's like he got his second win, and he's like, I'm gonna live if it ain't nothing but to live, to be around my great aunt. Okay. And so she was talking her little baby talk to him and everything. And he got up from there, and so she took me to church with her, Gettysburg Baptist Church. And I kid you not, those people prayed and they told me they say, Winifer, you're gonna have to stop working so much. I was rolling my eyes to are you kidding me? I now have three children and I have to feed them. Okay. I didn't tell them all that, and I wanted to live a certain way. And so they're like, Winifer, because they were telling me that's what God is telling them to tell me. And some of you are at that stage where you're like, Yeah, I hear you, I believe you. But and then I'm like, in my mind, God, you thought I gotta keep working. Anyhow, they prayed for him. He had four holes in his heart, and his heart murmur was a mess. And when they got through praying for him, he went to his doctor visit. Three of those holes closed. And they thought he was gonna die at one time. He was like three years old, he was about to die. You should have heard them. They were talking, like, oh my, they didn't know what they were gonna do. And so the doctor, he don't play. Whenever you got a good doctor that really loves children or you, the person, that patient, the doctor, he said, What's wrong? And I'm like, Well, there, I believe they believe he's gonna die. And they had all this steam, this mist coming in the sack for him. He was in a balloon for him. The doctor looked at him and he said, No, he's not gonna die. You know what he did? He made them get out of the room, and when they came back, they didn't make no more mention about nothing in front of me. And he's like, What I'm gonna do now is he told them what to do. And when he well, after he got through telling them what to do, his breathing changed. It didn't go back to normal, but it was he was not in distress. And he says, Then he's got to go back to the children's hospital. So he sent him back to the children's hospital, and then he had a doctor. I mean, this was one of those old, old school doctors where they had the little light up there on his head, and he's like, He's because the people that had him that were taking care of him before, he said, I don't want them taking care of him. He will die. And so he's like, the doctors, the one that took care of him tonight, the one that sent him back here to me, he said, That's who I want to take care of him. They know what they're doing. We're all on the same page, and they know what to treat him for. The other ones are just feeling their way, and they've never seen a child like him before. Yeah, and he's like, This is one of the extreme cases. He's never had one like that before either. But he's like, mm-mm, gonna let them take care of him. And so from then on, he was in good medical care and God had worked it out, and I just began to give him praise. But I want to tell you, after I gave birth to my son, man, my hair turned white overnight. Seriously, it was black, and I had very thick, thick hair, and it would grow, and I would like often cut it because it would be so thick, it would like my head would be slutty. And so that night after giving birth to him, seriously, I wouldn't say like three days later, I was it was visible. I could see there were. Gray hairs and it wasn't completely white, but there were gray hairs, and my hair was salt and pepper. And I am 29 years older than he is. It wasn't like I was an old, old woman where I should have had gray hair like that in my head. But anyhow, it was what it was. That came from worry. And that's when I began to learn how to pray and give thanks to him. And it was baby steps because I was like, oh he was there. God was. I began to, I still wasn't acknowledging the fact that God was in the room. I still have my hopes and everything I anticipated. Every single thing that I wanted came from what the doctor had to say. And they knew it. That's why he knew that. It's like he had become my God. I'm like, I pray, but I'm looking for you to do what I needed to have done to keep my child alive. The doctor knew how to pray. And he understood where I was with my walk with Christ. Don't let anyone be little where you are with God. Because, like my mom told me, he can do all things but fail. And if he doesn't give it the way that you want it, because I gave birth to some babies that were born and they died after birth. There was one that was inside of me that passed away. He was a twin, and then there was one that came out and he died right after. Okay. And I gave birth to my one little boy. He passed away right after birth. That's something when you have something. I mean, when you give birth to those children, you can see what they look like. That's something. It is. And there's no one that can tell you what's going on, what's the problem, what caused it. And you know, I was asking them, and they say sometimes God's just not going to put more on you than what you can handle. And it might have been some unforeseen health ailments that might have been able to happen, and you might not have been able to take care of the child as well as the children that you have. But God just decided they need it to come back. Yeah. Yes. So don't let people manipulate you through the word of God. Now, I also want to tell you about that, was forgiveness. Luke chapter 6, verse 37. But that's just the prime example as to when you have to forgive, forgiving others, and don't allow a trauma bond to cause you to be manipulated by whatever that individual wants. In spite of the bond that my mother and I had, there were instances where God prevailed. But there were times through my journey that he did not allow trauma to get in the way with whatever his message was for me. All right, so let's move on to Luke chapter 6, verse 37. Because yes, we have to forgive others, but you also got to remember God knows why we do the things we do. And when you forgive someone, it doesn't mean you can just let them have access to you so that they can come back and do a worse deed than what they've done before. You gotta sit back and reflect. Keep him in the loop, don't keep him out. Keep him in the loop. Don't let their God, their idea of who their God is, don't let their God dominate who your God is. Don't let them do that. Do not okay. Luke chapter 6, verse 37 says, and once again, this is Jesus stopping. I mean talking. He says, stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Okay. And when you forgive people, it doesn't mean you have to allow them to have access to you. Don't let them, okay, come through and hurt you to the core. And some people will say, oh, you be the bigger person, and you apologize to her because you did say some things that were not nice to her, not thinking about what they did to you. And you go in, you I've done this. You apologize and say, you know, I'm sorry about how I spoke to you and what I said to you, because God would not want me to do that. Yes, he did want you to do that because you had to let that person know you do not get to turn the tables on me and treat me the way you want to treat me because it's not God that has them acting like that, it's them. They could be jealous of you, they want to control, you know, there was no one that walked this earth that was perfect except for the Lord. You'd be surprised what some of them are doing in the spirit. I said, and I haven't recorded this one yet, because God is still dealing with me with the scripture. The evil eye. Someone sent that to me. That was out of jealousy and control. They could not make me do what they wanted to do to me. When God tells you no, no, said all kinds of things about me. Oh my goodness, if I was to get a husband, he'd be too scared to touch me. Because he'd be afraid he's gonna wake up with fleas. And there's no caller to help cure the fleas that they say that I have. But I'm still thankful and I want to shout out to the whole world. My name is Winifer Sherelle Harris, and I love me. I love me some me. I love myself. Because when God created me, he did not make a carbon copy. There may be some people when you see them, you will say, Oh, she's related to them. We look alike. That's the genetics, the facial features. When you see me, you're like, oh, she's related to them. She looks just like them. But get to know me for who I am. Yeah. And when you talk about someone's bedroom life, and you haven't been in the bed with them, that's a no-no. Yeah. Her mother told me this. Yeah. Some mothers and fathers are jealous of their children. And sometimes when you are confiding in someone, and sometimes they'll that's all they need is for you to tell them something, and then when it gets back to you, you don't even recognize it. You ever, when I was a kid, I wasn't like a kid kid, I was an adolescent, we were in high school. I remember the teacher did a certain thing, or she whispered something in one of the children's ears. And then they had them to whisper it around until it got back to everyone. And then that last person that received the message, the teacher would have them tell, can you tell me what it is? And I whispered in her ear. And when she did open her mouth, it was nothing. It had nothing, the teacher said. What they were trying to teach us was be careful with gossip. Because when it gets right back to the source, and when I say the source, I'm not talking about the one who started it. The person that you're talking about, because I'm not a victim of anything. When it gets back to the person, when that person hears it in their ears, what you have said about them, it's nothing like what they said. Yeah. And that's okay. Because remember, he told us right there in 37, Luke chapter 6, verse 37. He told us to stop judging, and he told us to stop condemning, and he told us to forgive. Yeah, you forget. All right, now let's move on to Proverbs 20 verse 19. Let's go to Proverbs twenty verse nineteen. Excuse me. It says a proverb when spoken by a fool is unwelcome, for he does not utter it at the proper time. Okay. That's letting us know. Be careful. Verse seventeen. Oh, that's just a rock. I'm sorry, you don't have that in your Bible. I'm sorry. Apologize for that. Proverbs chapter twenty, verse sixteen. Verse nineteen, I'm sorry. It says, A newsmonger reveals secrets. So have nothing to do with a babbler. You know what a newsmongler is? Gossip. Yeah. Be careful the person that's bringing you messages. Yeah. Don't listen to that. And don't you be the bearer of bad news or good news. Sometimes people are like, oh, I can't wait to hear her. Because they know they got the latest gossip. I used to like to watch when ladies, she has all the latest gossip on the stars. You don't get to hear that no more. But I used to enjoy that. That's something we all wanted to hear. I wanted to hear. I used to even imitate her. But we don't want to be gossiping about people, things that we don't know. You want to go and check someone's health records. You want to go and do everything. Who's checking yours? Who's checking on you to make sure? Who would invest so much energy in spreading something like that? Saying things about you that are inappropriate, checking your background, just why? What's the meaning of it? To want to tear them down, hold their heads down. Do you see what God is doing now? Even people that have sicknesses and ailments, medical science has gotten so fabulously wonderful. You can't even go around talking about people having certain ailments and stuff. I told you I wrote a book. And it's going to come out this summer. And in that book, it tells different things. It's revealing of things that have been said about me. And there are other people that are hanging their heads down. I want them to know God will lift your head up, and it won't be an arrogance. It won't be an ego trip. You'll be your normal, just you. Do you know one thing what Jesus was saying to me? It was this thought that just kept coming in my mind when I was hearing things that these were people that were our relatives, were relatives saying stuff about me to somebody I don't even care about or want. But letting them know where you better not touch her. Don't you dare touch that one. Because if you touch her, your health is not gonna be like your sexual health won't be good at all. Can you imagine someone saying something like that? Mm-hmm. And then they send other people to touch you. Uh-uh, no, I'm good. I even heard one say, whatever she got, she can't pass it on to her children. Because you're not laying around, you're doing what he tells you to do, no fornicating, no committing adultery. There's a a punishment for that, there's a consequence for that. And it could cause you to be separated from God, and some of us don't want that. Now, listen this here. So that was Proverbs chapter 20, verse 19. A newsmonger reveals secrets, so that nothing to do, so have nothing to do with a battler. Be careful because you even though they're revealing secrets. I remember one time I was working for this age of security agency. One of the workers, he had a higher title, had the nerve to come through. Hey, I know who's getting fired. I didn't want to hear that. You think I'm gonna rejoice over someone getting fired? Why would I do something like that? Even if it's an enemy, I still want you to pay your bills, I still want you to provide for your family. You don't want it for me, but I still want it for you. Don't let someone develop a trauma bond. And if they have, pray and ask God for deliverance from that. But this is a way to recognize red flags and stuff like that for trauma bonds. And some of these bonds have already been created from childhood. And when you reach 18, 21, whichever one, you're deciding shall I stay here with this person or go go and live your life? Get your education, get whatever it is that you need, your skills to develop a life for yourself. Because remember, your parents were here before you, okay? Your aunts and uncles were here before. Yeah, help them if you can, but don't be a fool. Don't be a fool. Don't what is meant for you is yours. No one can take it. Not what God has given you. No, I don't care what the hidden message is, what somebody's trying to do, then shut all that up and stop. Go sit down somewhere with that wickedness. That's been handed down from generation to generation to generation. That's a curse. And some of you have invoked curses on your children and your loved ones because of you trying to harm someone that God has clearly chosen to do his will. You said things about that person that's not okay. You've done things to them, hexes, vexes, whatever. I'm going to give you a prayer that will break all of that off of different ones. Because there's a prayer, it's a Catholic prayer that we pray and it protects your family from hexes, vexes, witchcraft, divination, things that people want to do to you. Things you wouldn't even think. But when you pray these prayers, this prayer, it protects you and your loved ones. And your loved ones shouldn't be trying to do that to you. All right. Let's go on to uh Matthew chapter five, verse thirty-nine, and then we'll be wrapping it up. Matthew chapter five, verse thirty-nine says, and this is Jesus talking, but I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on your right cheek, turn the other one to him as well. Okay. Turning the other cheek. Does that mean that Jesus wants you to just allow people to do whatever they want to do to you? No, it does not. Don't let anyone pull that scripture, throw it at you in a manner where they want to cause you harm. Don't. There's No reason for you to go through some of the suffering and turmoil that individuals want to put you through because they want some of them actually, I literally want to be you. They want what you got, their idea of what they think you have. And they probably got more than you. But it's just how you carry yourself, how God created you. And they're so busy, busy, busy bonding you down, trying to, they're not realizing what they're actually invoking on themselves and on their loved ones. Because sometimes the one that is causing the pain, they're so engrossed in their evil wickedness. No matter what may come their way, it's not going to stop them. They're just going to keep right on going. But the moment they see that God is not afflicting them with that, and they see it on their offspring or whatever, they'll begin to see, you see what you did, because you would not leave him or her alone. You have now cursed your children. You cursed your children's children. Because you just couldn't thank God for everything He had given you. And you didn't pray for that person, you didn't speak blessings over them at all. And some of these people are people that you love and adore, and you pray for them, only thing they got to do is just tell you what's going on, and you pray and ask God, Lord, stand in the gap, stand in the way, and help them. I'm here. Let me tell you. I'm asking you, Lord. You're saying everything you can to ask God to help and protect them. And now that God has said, I'm gonna break this yoke off of you, trauma bond is no longer part of your DNA. And it's broken off your children and their children for a thousand generations until Jesus comes back here. Whichever one comes first. I declare and decree it in Jesus' name. Yeah. I'll running around messing with you. Can see the anointing. There's a strong anointing on me. And I used to be where God just let me just go through, just happy, just not happy, just spreading his joy. Something happened, just praying and whatnot. He let me know enough. We're gonna we're gonna shut this down a little bit now. Because I don't want everybody walking in that. He is. I got specific ones that I want to put that anointing to heal and deliver and set them free from some of the things that others would want to cause harm for them. There are people right here around me. They have gone to witches, voodoo workers, anybody that they can go and spend a dollar with to try to stop me from doing something. And I ain't doing nothing but reading my Bible, minding my own business, praying for me and my children, and relaxing when I can, whenever I'm off from work. And whatever they see me with, oh my goodness. I want to tell you, there was a time where there was an inheritance. This is a trauma bond. I want to give you an example, an inheritance, God's bringing into memory, and they had it where they were getting ready to go and break up the inheritance when everyone's gonna get a little chunk. I'm the only child that my mother had, and she was the only one that was passed away. I can pull these papers up from the wording that they worded the petition where they were going into the courts. Do you know who they named me as? They didn't even name me as her daughter, my mother's daughter. They named me as my grandfather's child, his daughter. Yes, they did. And that's not a lie. Yes, they did. And then as it began to move on through, I had no idea they were trying to take something that really was not theirs. But they got it, and I did too. Because the one she's passed on, she said, Well, if you don't want it, I'll get it. And I'm like, Well, I'll give it to it'll be for me to pay off a few bills and I'll share it with my children. I did just that. And the little money that they gave that was received, because it spent years in the courtroom, which you don't realize that's not free. One of them died during the process, so she had five living children. It wasn't like the other one, she had one, so she wasn't able to receive hers, so it passed on to me. And one thing they did not do is change the wording. They always referred to her five children as her five children, and they were all dead. The grandmother and the grandfather, they were gone. So, who would have put that I was his daughter, his child, his living children? That's what they believed, that's what they were taught. And some of them have died believing that. Yeah. Excuse me. And then there have some that are living. And you know what I don't understand is why they wouldn't do a you know how you do the paternity test? Seriously. When you do the paternity test, it'll tell just whose child I am. If they know who the father is, and if they do not. To be honest with you, only thing that I have similar to the man that took me under his wing as being his daughter, and we really didn't have a close-knit bond, is my skin color. And when you look at me with his other children, I'm a little bit lighter than they are. You know, there you wouldn't know that I was related to them. Because I look too much like that side of the family, my mother's side. Yeah. People that want to persist in a trauma-bonding relationship, set yourself free from it. Do not keep turning the other cheek and letting them do that to you because this is a norm. It has been passed down from generation to generation, and it stops at you. God may move you to another area, and I don't mean another town. You may, you may go to another town, another state. You might even have to go to another country. Wherever he tells you to go, go, because you will be provided for. Yeah. You will. He is not going to let you be lacking. Everything God gave me in the absence of being around them, these people used witchcraft and sorcery and just dismantled and tore up. And it wasn't easy because he didn't let it go. And see, what he needed to let me know is I had to let this happen to you so that you can know why I'm moving them out of your life. Because I saw it in a dream where he showed me there were two people he was cutting out of my life. And they were relatives, and they were both a sister and a brother, but they were my cousins. I loved them, but they didn't love me. And he was, he showed me where he he just threw them to the side. They wouldn't get down, they wouldn't stop. So he removed them and just slung them down. And I'm free from them. Because everything that God had given me and allowed me to have, they thought I got that from their inheritance. That wasn't enough money for all of that. It was not. No. And when they use the scripture of God, you come back with the scripture of God, letting them know you're not doing that with them. Your God is not a manipulator. And you let them know. Numbers chapter 12. That'll tell you he's omnipresent because he's everywhere at one time. During the time that God was revealing who these people were and how they really did not love me, they hate me. What he did is he let me know they were together, they planned it, they plotted stuff, but it's not gonna happen. Even when God showed me that, I still wanted to have them in my life, and then finally he's like, no. Because what happens is when you don't listen and you don't heed the word of God, when he's trying to tell you something that's not good for you, he intensifies, he turns the heat up so that you can know I am God, and you are my child, and I know what's good for you, and I want you to have what is good for you, something that I want for you, not what they want, they want what I put inside of you, however, I can't invest that inside of them. He showed me where they went to someone that did a reading on me and told them every single thing about me. And the one thing the person did, the person, it was a man, he did a reading on me, and he was trying to let them know she got a good heart, and they ain't listened to nothing he had to say. Yes, kingdom spouse. I had never heard anything like that, but for the past four or five years, I understand there's no such thing for me, not in my faith. No, thank you. And God is gonna let this man know. Adultery, he's gonna let him know. Jesus, I saw him, he was sitting on top of the world where you can see the earth. I was on the left side of Jesus, and this man was down on his knees. He was sitting on his throne, and it wasn't no big old fancy thing. And he was begging and pleading with him. And do you know how when I get upset, I'm screaming and yelling and carrying on? Jesus didn't even change his tone. And he looked at him with such a pleasant yet stern look. He let him know you are an adulterer. And he allowed me to see it. And I was sitting over there, my spirit was sitting over there looking at that. He wanted me to know because I asked him, I want to see whenever you are punishing him, but he didn't change his tone, and how I see Jesus is how I see him in the pictures that I have seen him in. I want to say one more thing before I say goodbye for tonight, because this will be recorded tomorrow, well, Wednesday morning. One thing about him is he did not become indignant, he didn't yell, he didn't scream, he didn't curse him, none of that. We serve a good God, even in our missy, messy mess, he did not. The things that this man did to me, he was supposed to do to his wife, and because of him his being ashamed of me, the mistreatment, the abuse that I endured, and only thing they had to do was walk away. Just walk away and go about your business. But they wanted to treat teach me a lesson. They wanted to teach me a lesson. That I'm not on no ego trips. They wanted to teach me a lesson. I was not the chosen one. My cousin was the chosen one. I was chosen by God. This woman was chosen by her family, man. And that's okay. But what's not okay, and where the punishment comes in, is when you try to abort the destiny, the calling that God has on someone that God chose. This is his kingdom, not man's. What you do in your church buildings and whatnot, and if it goes against God, it ain't got nothing to do with me unless me and my children and my grandkids, anyone in my direct bloodline, my descendants, if any of us are in there, then if I'm on the other side and I'm dead, I'm asking God, if ain't nobody else available, get me up from there. Cause remember, he brung them dry bones. And baby, they had a whole army there. Get me up from there. So I can go see about my babies. Hurting people, stealing destiny, you stealing something that God didn't even give you permission to tear and dismantle. And the trauma that you inflicted upon me, man, if there was no God, I wouldn't be here. That's evidence if you could even just peek in, see what they have put me through, tried to, and I still know who I am. I still love the Lord, and I still am happy. I feel good inside. I am so thankful. And I'm thankful to see every day and night come through. And I can sleep, I can rest, get up on time, go to work, go through whatever I need to go through during the day at work, come on back, relax, drink my little coffee. I'll have to let them energy drinks alone. But I got two of those that I like, or if it was not for you, I wouldn't even know who I am. Because I want to tell you something. The woman that gave birth to me, she lost her mind behind some stuff like this. Being accused laying up with your daddy, and not only laying with your father, having a baby for him. One of her family members told her right in the middle of the street. That's why you had a baby for your daddy, and she looked right in my eyes when she said that. And you know what she did, my mother? Mm-hmm. I don't know, but I asked God, I ain't gonna miss so angry like that. She pulled her drawers down, her underpants, and spread her butt cheeks open and told her to kiss that. Oh my goodness. I never forget that day, Lord. She was so shame, honey, she got up from there and went on somewhere, and she ain't say nothing else to her about that anymore. And the one who she said it to, my mother, she went and got her a pack of cigarettes and got me a bag of chips and a soda, and we kept walking where we were going. Yeah. And I believe it hurt the one who said that was her first cousin, because I think she saw her, we saw her maybe like a month later. She wasn't doing too good. She wasn't. But you could tell she was sorry for that. Yeah. And in some families, some people don't know how to say I'm sorry. Even in friendships, they just start joking and teasing, buying you stuff. I don't care for that. Tell me, I beg your pardon. And mean it. Because if it's unspoken, to me, that means you are not sorry. I don't care how you may laugh and tease and giggle with me, what you may buy me. Because it's a lot of people you come in contact with on. A day-to-day basis in your work environment, just in your community, in your living area, wherever you are at, some of them will smile at you and they got all kind of nasty in their heart towards you, and they don't even know you. But yeah, choose to forgive and move past it. And in spite of everything that that woman did, her whole family can vouch for the fact that she's going to heaven. And how they can do that, I don't know. Because see, the sins that are in our heart, those are the ones that'll block us from getting into God's kingdom. Yeah. So the next time you see a chosen one, someone you know has God's anointing, don't you dare try to walk in it. Whereas, first of all, you don't even know the prayer that God has invested inside of them, where He is going to deal with you for stepping in that. Because you don't know what He said to him or her. Who's supposed to receive that? Only thing you know is you're greedy, sneaky behind. You think you hi, you know a lot of them what they do is hello, hi there. Let me get the door for you. You just don't know. Some of you have received an invitation directly to hell. Stop hurting yourself, myself included. Yeah. Everybody that's smiling at you, I don't care if it is the bishop. They might not like you. They know how evil you are. Or might not be. You know, it could be a mistake. Be careful how you treat people because you might be treating the wrong one in a way that's not okay. All right, now I just want you to remember trauma bonds, they can be broken. It's important that you recognize when you're in a trauma bond. Do you know how old I was when I realized I had been in a relationship that was trauma bonding? And I want to tell you, I never let any other individuals in my lifetime bond with me in a traumatic way. But what held the bond together, it was a traumatic, it was trauma between my mother and I. We had a trauma bond. And through the scripture, honor thy father and thy mother. Yeah. Forgive with my mother's children, her, I'm not children, her nieces, her nephews, my cousins, you know, even on my father's side, the one that I knew of my father. When he passed away, I was so special. The lady at the funeral home, the one that was going to do the service and did the service for him as funeral. She's the one that called me on the phone and told me that she had my family there. Yeah. And they couldn't do anything without me signing the papers so that he could be buried. And she was going to expedite the papers to me and have me sign them and whatnot. And she wanted me to send pictures and stuff. And I'm like, no, I'm not sending any pictures because I don't even know when he died. That ain't a trauma bun. What is it? And I told her, I'm like, wait a minute. You don't understand what the problem is here. And she had a beautiful voice. Like when she spoke, everything was gonna be all right. It was so soothing. She said, Your, she let me know your father has passed away, and your family's here, and we need you to sign. I didn't even know they needed me to sign anything. And when I told her, I said, didn't one tell me he was dead? You told me he was dead. I just had it in a pit on my belly. It's just like you need to see your father. I had just been battling cancer. Then none of them pray for me. I didn't even reach out for what. Strangers prayed for me. People I don't even know. And I got through it. I don't know what made me able to come, but I tell you what, when I got through the very same night, I asked the priest, I went to the Holy Spirit hospital. I'm just jumping all over the place. I asked the priest, please let them know I need I want to go home. And whatever they want me to do here, I can do that at home. I got enough kids, they're grown, they can get me something to eat. And right now I want nothing to eat. And they can help me. I ain't gonna drive, I'm not doing any of that. Because, see, however long you have been out, because they had to do surgery, they caught it very early stages. And however long you have been out, you go by how long it's gonna take for you to get your mind back the way it was. Your movement, how you move and whatnot. It takes a while to come back to who you were. None of them knew that. For what? Why would you call people? I remember this is what got me out of that for calling and asking for prayer. I had called and asked one of my mother's nieces. I'm like, can you pray for me? And she asked me, she said, Well, wonderful, what you need us to pray for you for? I told her, forgive it. Never mind, I don't. I don't need you to pray for me. Yeah. Don't worry about it. This is the very person I prayed for, not once but twice, and God delivered her from cancer. Yeah. One the first time, the cancer, she had been for her treatments. I think she had her surgery and everything. And she found herself where she was so weak she couldn't even get up off the floor. And her mother came to help her. That's something to talk about. But it's just letting you know, if you're not someone that is loved in some of these families, don't you dare reach out and ask those people to pray for you. I want to tell you, when I got through talking to the priest, he told me, okay. So he did what I said, and they trusted him. And he trusted I was going to do what he said. And so they let me go home. And that very night when I was laying on the bed, I kid you not, somebody was trying to write on my belly. What they did is they were just trying to scratch it. Is the doctor, she numbed me. She said, You're gonna be numb. And at the time I had a herniated disc. That was the first time where, even though I had cancer, I had to have it removed, I did not have any back pain. My legs were not hurting me, where the nerves were hurting. The cancer surgery did a wonderful thing. And I was laying there sleeping on my bed, and I heard these voices, but I felt the trying to scratch on my belly. And the guy, the woman said, He's not gonna let you do that to her. This is before they came in to attack me. Well, they won't be doing any more attacking. That's null and void. Yeah. The evil they sent in there, and they had erected altars. Trauma bonding is not okay. I ask God in Jesus' name to set anyone free that listens to this podcast and make them a stronger version of who they were before the bond. Strengthen them. And don't allow the memory to hold them back. Let it strengthen them in Jesus' name, myself included. Amen. Trauma bonds do exist, and in today's society, right here in Pennsylvania, they're laws that govern against people that have abused children and adults. Stay blessed and peace to all my listeners. Amen.