Chaos Addicts

*Some Vulgar References

Ephesians 4:26 (control your anger)

Romans 12:3 Self-Esteem)

Isaiah 43:18, 19 (forget the past)

2 Corinthains 5:17 (born again, a new creature in Christ)

Job 17:9 (God will strengthen you)

Philippians 3:13, 14 (forget your past, stay focused on the Lord)

Proverbs 17:9 (let them gossip)

Colossians 3:13 (Forgive)

Ecclesiastes 3:8 (Peace)

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi, friends. Welcome to Matthew 4.4. I'm your host, Winifer. Today I'm going to talk about chaos addicts, people that are addicted to drama. I like to share experiences that I have gone through during my life as I journey on this walk with Christ. So that's what my ministry is openly showing and speaking about things that I have encountered and how he has strengthened me. And I'm hoping that it'll reach someone that may have gone through, if not the same thing, something similar. So let's talk about chaos addicts. They're addicted to chaos. Chaos is my definition, is a characteristic that the chaos addict has in common with a woodpecker. Woodpecker syndrome, which means they are dedicated to their ability to continue carrying on continue to carry on toxic conversations, you know, about someone who has detached themselves from their drama. You know, woodpeckers enjoy blaming others. They don't listen because someone else's reality was they my reality of what they may think is right. It's like I'm challenging them, so I dare to disagree with what they're saying. Even if it's something about me, I could tell them, no, that's not true. And their thought passage, it is, and they will argue you down. When you think about a woodpecker, a woodpecker just pecks, pecks, pecks, pecks until he makes that hole in that tree. You know, he's constantly pecking. So when I say that they're woodpeckers, that's how I visualize them. They're constantly pecking at you, but at some point they lose their hold on you and they're no longer causing pain or turmoil. Because whenever the woodpecker is pecking at you, you are feeling the pain, the stab, the humiliation, the insults that they're throwing your way. Even if they don't know what they are speaking about, in their reality zone, they think that they're true, especially if they have gathered all their facts from people that are close to you. It could be your mother, your father, a sibling, close friend, even your significant other or husband or wife, whomever that might be. Okay, so let's just talk about these chaos addicts and how to identify them so that we can rid ourselves of that type of behavior that they throw our way. Ephesians 4, verse 26 says, be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. That's a passage that I thought to put in here. Because with the chaotic addict, the person that's addicted to chaos and drama, that's almost unheard of. If you are in a relationship with someone like that, most likely you're not going to go to sleep drama-free, you know, unless you grab your pillow and your blanket and you go to the living room or another room somewhere in the house. Even you might have to leave out of the home overnight, you know, in order to have some sense of normalcy. Because in their mind, whatever caused that rip in between you guys, that tear, that was your fault. They're not going to own any of that. Okay. All right. So these are the people you must eject out of your life at some point. But if it's a husband or wife, oftentimes people develop coping strategies where they know how to back away, let them have their way, let them do whatever, you know, and they think is right. But there does have to come a time when just for your sanity, you have to be able to develop some type of a coping mechanism so that you are not pulled into something that could cause you to suffer from some kind of mental illness behind them. Because it is possible that they could cause you to lose your sense of reality as to who you are, because you're always giving in to their domineering behavior, their controlling mannerisms. You don't want that. All right. Their ultimate goal is not to communicate with you unless it's what they say, they're constantly being in control. Even if what they're trying to control has nothing at all to do with them, they want to control that situation, they want to be the narrator of whatever's going on. Okay. They want to snuff out your light. They see you here, she comes, she's always happy, bubbly. I'm gonna put a stop to that, you know, even if it's spreading some kind of vicious rumor, something about you that would cause others to stop and stare and point at you. And you're just like, whatever. All right. Some people are able to get through that without even saying anything to them. And when you ignore them, it's just like you are throwing gas on that fire that's inside of them because they've been trying to bait you in to pull you in. And if you're someone that will not allow them to pull you into that, they really get upset. They're challenged, you're challenging whatever it is that needs to be fed inside of them, and that's the chaos. And if you choose not to engage in that behavior with them, it can be very challenging to the point where if you are employed by that person, if you are working with them in that environment, you're a coworker, you might have to just say goodbye to that job, you know, because you got to weigh the pros and cons. Okay, you're studying your Bible, you're reading your Bible, you're praying, praying, praying. But at some point, God may say, I'm gonna open up a new door. And sometimes He doesn't want you to wait, He wants you to just get on up out of there because it's just too much drama. Oftentimes, these people, most of the time, they are suffering from a low self-esteem, their own sense of value, who they are. It's seriously, because if they can't control and they've always been dominated, and people have always, you know, put them down and whatnot, from childhood all the way up, because it's embedded inside of them. And whenever they get to a certain age or whatever is going on with them, a certain maturity, they still think, you know, in their mind, they're thinking they, you know, are being belittled, but they're standing up for themselves, but they're standing up for the wrong thing in order to make them feel like they are more superior. They're gonna try to dominate and control you. So they're constantly trying to control, and it's always something, and it can be very challenging for you, the person that's on the receiving end, because you don't even want to even weigh the pros or cons of trying to salvage, trying to keep a friendship like that or a relationship, especially if it's a relationship that most times, you know, you don't think it's gonna end, a mother-daughter relationship, father-son relationship, you know, siblings. If they're going to constantly put you down, you do have to forgive them, but it's you oftentimes you got to move on and let them go. And that can be hard. All right. These are people, once again, that you must eject out of your life. Their ultimate goal is not to communicate with you unless it's what they say. They must be in control, they want to snuff out your light, they want your gifts that God has given you, that He has invested in you. And they don't want the struggle, they didn't pour anything in, they didn't pray for you, they didn't encourage you, they didn't try to inspire you with scripture or words of affirmation, things that they could have done or said to you to help lift you up and help you feel the sense of, man, I got someone that I can lean on, someone that understands what's happening. They just want it. They want to take whatever it is that they are lacking, that they do not have inside of them. They want to take it away from you, but they don't want the struggle. When they see you, you look like you are someone that hasn't gone through anything. And whatever struggle they have gone through, this is the battle that's going on in their mind. They think that they have gone through some challenges that were worse than yours, and they don't even know, not even a little millimeter of truth as to what you have gone through. It just looks like you haven't gone through anything. Okay, they demand an apology from you, especially when they have caused the turmoil. I have been a person that has been on that end, receiving end of that, where there was a time I had a family member was, I understand that she was going through some things and she had some challenges with one of her children, and the behavior of the child was when it was unspeakable. But on the other hand, God was telling me, not that I was trying to get in the middle of their business because I don't do that, but I was saying, if it's too much for you, I don't mind walking with that person through the rest of my life, you know, encouraging them, trying to let them know, in spite of what has occurred here in the past, even if that was the person that caused the hurt and pain for someone, I wanted to be the one to help that person to understand God is a healer, God will make a way. I didn't want them to think that, and it was it was it was a child, a young adult child. When they're 15, 16, 17, 18 years old, oh my goodness, they can be a challenging mess. Well, this child got into some trouble that was really something, you know. She just kept telling me over and over and over again on the phone what he was. And I said, Well, he's still your child. You know, he doesn't have his father anymore. He's gone, he's dead. I don't mind walking with him. Oh my goodness. When I and I I told her walking through life, it's not like walking down the street. If he needed me to walk down the street with him, I would to keep him safe. Because who he is today, we should not look back at his past and define who he is today or what he may become in the future. But if you always have someone beating upon you and reminding you of the sins, your past sins, things you have done. And yes, when you hurt people, you should be held accountable. But at some point, they gotta lift up the veil a little bit so that you can walk through life and have this sense of normalcy, like, look, Ma, I overcome this. I'm turning into someone that God is making me so that you can be proud of me in spite of what I did. I'm ashamed of my behavior. That's who I was back then. But I'm a different person right now. So that's all I wanted to say about that. But I I I was made to apologize to her because I said that I didn't mind walking through life with her child. I understand how it feels to be a motherless and a fatherless child. I'm a grown 58-year-old woman, but for years, even when I was a child, I felt I was motherless and fatherless. And it can be to the point where you give up. There was a time when I took my mom's paint pills. I thought they were sleeping, but I took our paint pills and I wanted to die. I was a girl, I was only 13 years old.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

But God made a way. He did.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

He made a way for me, and I'm still here today. But when you're going through different little hindrances and different little obstacles, and people remember what you've done, and it was something bad, they don't want to let it go. They don't want to forgive you, but you gotta forgive them. Anyhow, I had to forgive her and I begged her pardon and I said I was sorry. But one thing I did not neglect to do is I severed the relationship. I should let you know if you don't feel led to ask someone to forgive you for something that you truly believe God has you standing up for another individual or for some kind of cause, don't ever apologize because you're lying. And that's what I did. I lied to her, but to make her feel better and to make the other people that were around her, they quote unquote saw themselves as more superior than I was with their relationship with the Lord. And so they didn't say Jesus said do it, but when I look at them, they're their ego, whoever they were in Christ, they're letting me know you need to ask her to forgive you. First of all, you had no business. They didn't say this to me, but they're saying you don't have no business saying anything to her about her child. She brought it to me, I didn't bring it to her. But anyhow, I apologize for that. But I want my listeners that take the time to listen, even if you're not followers, don't ever apologize for something that you are standing up for and it's correct, it's the right thing because that is lying. Don't do that. So I lied when I did that. All right, now Romans chapter 12, verse 3 says, Oh goodness, I thought I had it all snuffed up. Yeah, here it is. Romans chapter 12, verse 3 says, For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than one ought to think, but to think soberly, each according to the measure of faith that God has apportioned. It's important that we do. Some of these people, they see themselves as superior, like I told you, superior to who you are. When the fact is they are they really do have low self-esteem. I even saw them as superior. I don't know what I thought they were gonna do to me because they're not God, but I apologize because they took me to them and they let me know, you know, that wasn't okay, not in words, but they took me to where she was, to her home. And I apologized to her. I told her I was sorry for saying that to her, that I would walk with her son through life, you know, because if he didn't have anyone else to walk with him, and I would have, but I I wouldn't reach out to him now, I wouldn't want to cause problems. But that's where I stand on that. Don't ever allow anyone that you see that is preaching the word of God or not preaching the word of God, even if it's your mother, your father, whomever it is, if you know without a shadow of a bout of a doubt that you have not done a person wrong, do not apologize to them. And this is something that they'll say to you be the bigger person. Don't be the bigger person and tell a lie. Don't. Because sometimes these people need to be able to come to realization that what you are actually doing goes against the teachings of God through Jesus. All right, and don't stand up there and argue with them because remember, they are chaos addicts, they love to keep stuff going. And when you have cut them off, the chaos, the chaos addict, they breed, they breed off of your past, things that you have done in the past, and now you're saved. You think you're so much because you're saved. Don't let them do that. It's a form of manipulation. Don't let anyone do that to you because they don't like change, they want to continue to be able to manipulate, be in control, just dominate in your life, and you'll see where they had that power whenever God pulls you back and say, No, this is a drama king or queen. They love chaos, so they're addicted to drama, they're addicted to chaos, chaotic activities. They love to keep stuff going, and it can be exhausting to you, especially when they begin to steal your energy from you because they get in thrill, they get a high off of that because of your reaction to them. But the moment God delivers you and you no longer respond to them in the way that they're used to you responding to them, how they're accustomed to you. Okay, you are saying this about me. That's my path, and then you're getting all mad and angry and you're fussing and carrying on. When you walk away, you're just like, you know what? Let's let that go. I want to tell you that means you are basically living rent-free inside their brain whenever you walk away from them, because they are still fixated on what the past was for me or you, and you failed to participate in that anymore. You're not, I'm not gonna fall for that trap anymore. I'm not gonna let the devil do that to me anymore. So you decide you're not gonna do that. All right, so chaos, addicts, they breed on your past. Isaiah 43, verse 18 says, Remember not the events of the past, the things of long ago, consider now not. And verse 19 goes on to say, see, I am doing something new. Now it springs forth, it springs forth. Do you not perceive it? In the desert I make a way, and the wasteland rivers. So God's making a way for you, and they can see that. They know that you are growing in Christ, and oftentimes you have past them, and they know you're not gonna fall for any of their false teachings because they can see inside of you who is directing you, who it is that's speaking through you, and they can't believe it. You mean to tell me the Holy Ghost showed up inside of her? And it's This isn't a joke, but it feels good because who man rejected and said she is not qualified. She don't look the role, she doesn't talk the role. It's better. Her country behind, she don't even know how to put the words together. Oh, yeah, the no. But guess who said I did it good? My big brother Jesus. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. All right. Just remember them chaos addicts. And they get upset with you, especially when they see that you have these special gifts. I remember they stole in the spirit. They tried to steal everything that the enemy sent to break me. But I was given gifts in the spirit because he strengthened me. A gift, how many of y'all even know that a gift does not have to be financial? Gifts that will get you through any blazing fire that the enemy is trying to hit you with when you go through it and you don't smell like them burning embers. You don't look like a mess. You ain't sitting up here upset and angry with them. You're happy. You feel joy. Joy is that everlasting good goodness that is inside of you. And when they get upset and they can't get that, they're mad. Because that's who you were, the old you. They want to be able to keep it going. I remember when my mom had passed away, that was a long time ago. But they said, Oh, why don't you come back and stay close to the family? Baby, I broke it down for them. I let them know, no, I can't do that. Well, why not? Well, I'm not saying that this is gonna happen, but do you remember when I was a young girl? I was growing up, all you and my mom ever did was argue. Y'all raised hell all the time. I was always nervous. You got mad, I couldn't go visit y'all, y'all wouldn't come visit us. Even if you saw us walking down the street, you wouldn't even say hi. If it was raining, you wouldn't even stop and say, Do you want to ride? No, I don't want to come back there to live. For what? I'm like, she's gone, but you're not gonna pick up the next chapter with me and do that. Because I let them know I'm not equal, and I let them know God is definitely not through with me. And I'm not gonna put myself in a position where I'm gonna have my children where they are not accepted. Because, first of all, I wasn't accepted, so why would they be accepted? You know? So I'm like, no, and I'm not saying that about you. I'm just like, I don't want to live that anymore. And you know what? The head ring leader that loves to keep the chaos going. This is what she told me. She said, Well, they don't do that anymore. I looked at her, I looked her right in the eyes. You know what I told her? That's because my mother is no longer living, and that's it. I have no more, nobody else asked me that again. Uh-oh. Yeah. Because I'm like, I'm not dealing with that at all. Because when God is doing a new thing inside of you, they don't understand He's working on you too. They just see it as God ain't finna work on her for what? That's their view. All right, let's go on to 2 Corinthians chapter 5, verse 17. And it says, So whoever is in Christ is a new creature. The old things have passed away. Behold, new things have come. When he told me that, I still was a baby walking in Christ. I'm like, he's like, Don't you go back to that? I remember one time she's passed on. She said, What if your mom has been dead a long time, and you are so strong. Only thing I could do is just smile at her. I didn't even have any thoughts. I'm thinking to myself, who you see is the Lord. That's who made me strong. Yeah. It didn't mean that I didn't miss her. I didn't, you know, want to fellowship with her. I wanted to be around her, but she was gone. But it wasn't to the point where I wanted to fall over in the grave with her. I didn't want that. No. I knew I had to keep going. And God showed me there's life in spite of. You know, we gotta grasp it. All right, listen, don't get stuck in the past with these chaos people, these chaotic, these people that they're addicted to chaos. Don't get stuck in the past with them. Continue to evolve past your ruin, past whatever it is. Don't get stuck in your ruin. It's the what ruined you in the past, because it's taken up a lot of space in their mind, whether it's truth or lies. Some of them are delusional with the things that they have been told and the things that they believe about you, or whatever is going on. Don't get pulled into that and don't get stuck in that rut with them. Because you ever met somebody, no matter how long you stay away from them, when you meet up with them, you say, Oh, hi girl, how you been doing? They tell you, doing good, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And like 10 minutes into the conversation, you would have thought it would have been, they were telling you something fantastic has happened. They go all the way back to the last time you saw them, even if it was 10 years ago, that same hurt that is embedded inside of their life. Or if that's not so, let me tell you like I'm a divorced woman and I'm not like praising that or anything like that. I want to give you just a prime example as to something that had occurred. The man that I was married to, someone very close to me, sent me a picture of his wife and his new baby. And we had at that time when that occurred, we had been divorced for 13 years. It's way longer than that now. And so I told her, I said, Well, why did you send this to me? And I'm like, Great, that's wonderful that he has a brand new baby. I'm thankful that all my kids are grown. I'm the grandma now and not a new parent. And I'm like, why did you send me a picture of his new wife and his new child? That was for your eyes only. And then I said, What you were expecting for me, because I was in total shock. And I'm like, Were you expecting me to be sad, to be hurt? And I'm like, I'm the one who told him, This is over. And I want you to divorce. And he agreed. It just took a little bit more of a little push, but he agreed. And I told her, I said, in case you didn't know it, we've been divorced for over 13 years. That's a long time. And this is what I did. And I know this is not the right thing because I wanted this person to understand. Don't ever do that again to me. I she knew that it was over and there was no more love where the heart was broken. But don't bring my past to me. You're showing me that this man, 50-some years old, decided to have a child with a younger woman, and he got children that are your age. Can you imagine the kind of chaos is going on in his family with his adult children and their children? I'm like, don't do that anymore. I'm not part of their lives. And then I told her I I this I was bad because I rung up who I knew she loved. And I'm like, so what about so-and-so? She hung up the phone on me because she didn't want to hear that. That was that hurt her heart. And I never had her do that again. I gotta tell you, I had to repent, but I didn't repent real good because I say I did one of them, Lord. I'm sorry for that. And then I had to go back and like didn't mean to say it like that, but it took a few days to go back and say, you know what? Because I used to be one, you throw that over here to me. I'm gonna throw it right back at you. And see, that's what they're used to. But when you no longer do that, that's what they can't fathom. Because you're taking your yourself, they are not physically around them. You're not having conversations with them on the phone, on the social media, you're not doing nothing with them. And it's just it's like you just gone and you're still living, like you're still on top of the grade, and they're not understanding what is going on with her. Why isn't she reaching out to us? She gotta be suffering, she gotta be going through something. And then whenever something pops up and you post something or you say something kind that you want on your social media, then they're like, Oh, she's still doing okay. It got to the point, the chaos addicts, like people that we knew, one in particular, was just like, oh my gosh, too dramatic. I'm like, I cannot do this, because afterward, I would be so exhausted. I'm like, you pulled all my energy out of me, and I allowed you to do it. And I would have to go back to God and say, you know, you already told me not to do this, because I was new in Christ and I knew exactly what they were up to. Because someone tells you, I'm sorry, forgive me, I won't do that anymore. They might not do that exact offense, but because of your history with them, the next time that they feel the need to dump on you, it's gonna get worse until finally you don't even respond to whenever they're like snapping out, blowing all out of the place. Don't say nothing to them. And you'll get to a point where you'll see you won't even purposefully be doing it. You'll be impressed with yourself because you'll know it's God. He's just like, I'm not gonna have it, and he's not hurting them, but he's putting you in a way where whatever they're talking about is irrelevant. You lived that 20 years ago, they're still there. You don't need to go back and relive that. You don't, and he let me know you too. He made this world, there's a lot of space in here. We don't even have to bump into each other, there's a lot of room, even if you live in the same city and state where I live at, there's a lot of people. You don't even have to be fearful of, oh my goodness, what if I bump into? No, you're not gonna bump into them. And if you do, most times what they'll do is they might see you coming and they'll pull back and they because they now see that they don't have anything to trigger you to get you to act a fool with them. Yeah, and they'll pull back, they'll see you coming and they'll avoid you. You're just going on about your business and they'll avoid you. If they see you, even if they're in a car, if they're walking, if they're somewhere and they see you, they're not gonna come near you. Once you put your foot down and let them know I won't participate in this chaotic behavior with you, I'm not a part of this addiction. I am in recovery. I no longer carry on like that, and I won't entertain it in my life, and you'll be so surprised with how much energy you have. How you know, you're just looking forward to each day that God gives you. And like instead of before, when you take a look back at the past, it's like you were dreading it. Like, what's gonna happen now? It's another day. You're just looking forward to God's goodness. Something is as simple as going for a walk, or just to see the sun peek through the blinds, or to hear a bird chirp through the window. You enjoy that because you know you no longer have that in your life. God has removed it because that person's understanding, or that group of people are understanding, we cannot do that to him or her anymore. And when they see you, they understand that, and it's no longer you think you're better than them. Look at her. How in the world could I think that I'm better than anyone? I lived in a house growing up. I ain't talking about when I was really small, but when my mom had that nervous breakdown, we lived in houses where you would have to put buckets all out and puts to catch the water when it's raining. If you needed a drink of water, there was no water in the house running. So I would have to go and fill the jugs up. And I was a child. Go to the creek and get the water that's running out of the creek and nobody's even boiling it. I didn't know to boil it and I was a child, and my cat was watching over me. Butterball. I remember him. He's a good cat. But having to fill jugs up. And when the creek was frozen, then what I have to do is break the ice. You break the ice and then you bring it inside the house. You gotta make sure you don't get any ice that's got yellow stains or brown stains because that's not good. But poop and bee from the animals, because we lived out in the country. That's not a lie. Anyone that lived there, and this wasn't the time where this country was not built up, everything was okay. I come back from the time when I was a kid, your parents could put their utility bills in your name and jack up bill. Well, when you became an adult, they done messed up your credit because they didn't pay their light bill or their phone bill. You're and it's in your name, so now they done messed it up in your name. Yes. Our house, we didn't have any lights on. Used to have candles and oil lamps. I'd go to school, I'd be going to school smelling like smoke. But the children in my community knew the situation, and they act like it was nothing. Playing with me, never said anything against it. Because their parents, the ones who I associated with, their parents had enough sense to sit them down and talk to them and tell them things that they needed to know. So you don't have to let people that are addicted to chaos try to pull you down to the standards that they want you to be at, talking about you think you're better than them or you ain't used to nothing. I worked hard. And I had to give everything back that the enemy told you belonged to you. Car, furniture, clothing. I gave it back. But you ain't gonna take my name and continue to drag it down in the mud. God said no. I am somebody that is so full of love. I have it where it's just brimming over. But I ain't giving my love out to my enemies like that. I don't care what you say. Love thy enemy. Yeah, the Bible says that, but you better not be no damn fool because Proverbs will tell you, and I said no damn fool, Proverbs will tell you about a foolish child that you can have. And don't you be the one that your mama and daddy had that was a fool, and you let the enemy come in and snuff you every time. You forgive them and tell them, hey, go home. Don't come back here no more. You are not welcome here. And mean it when you say, and you don't have to say it loud and shut the door quietly. I will get the lock. That's what you do. Trying to act like you a ghetto hood rap. That's who you want me to be. Don't let them do that because they're addicted to chaos, and that's the only thing they know. All right, no. So don't get stuck in the past with them. Continue to evolve past those that are stuck in your past, okay? Let them don't revisit that with them because they know they are aware of your spiritual growth, and you have outgrown most of them. Yep, they know that. Job chapter 17, verse 9. Go with it. I tried to have it where I'm not flipping pages so much like I normally do. Chapter 17, verse 9, it says, Let the righteous, yet the righteous shall hold on to his way, and he who has clean hands increase in strength. Believe it. Believe it. Believe every word of that, because God will strengthen you and me. And our strength looks different in each person. Don't try to gain the strength of someone else that looked like Hercules. No, and I have no right on Hercules. No, I do not, that name or anything. But accept the strength that God gives you. Because, see what the enemy might want to try to do to you, he or she cannot do it, and they're upset. And if they don't stop, what they're trying to do to you is gonna cause them great harm. Avoid distractions. Your past can't keep following you into the now or your future unless God is using it somehow. Don't allow people to do that, don't let nobody throw your past in your face. They got one too. Yes, they do. And don't try to dish it out to them because then it becomes a mess, just battling over something that just is not okay. Don't do it, don't let them pull you into it. And it can be hard sometimes to resist, but you got to be able to know when you are being challenged by Satan and his wild behavior, you got to be able to resist him. Like, okay, I've done seen you, you've been around this person multiple times, and even if not the same person, you have been tried in this area a number of times, even when you see it with some stranger that's walking down the street, resist it. If it means that you have to cross the street and continue on your journey, if it means you have to turn around and go the other way, continue on your journey. Don't let them pull you into their mess. Don't let them do it because they'll try. Okay. Philippians chapter 3, verse 13 and 14. Remember, avoid distractions. Your past can't follow you. You into the now or your future, unless God is using it somehow. Don't be trying to peek into the future either, okay? All right, let's see. It says, brothers, I, for my part, do not consider myself to have taken possession, just one thing, forgetting what lies behind, but straining forward to what lies ahead. I continue my pursuit toward the goal, the prize of God's upward calling in Christ Jesus. So remember that. Don't let anyone distract you. And if they're able to get a little bit of a distraction in there, move past and say, I know what this is, it's a distraction. They're like, oh, what? And walk on. You don't even have to stand there and explain yourself. They may think you're being rude. You don't have, you don't owe anyone any explanation. Don't let them pull you into their chaotic mess. And when they are like that, you better believe that is a drama, drama-seeking person. The happier they are at times behind your back is when you have failed to realize they pulled you into their mess. It makes them have a wonderful day. What you may call peace, where it's quiet, calm, no stressors in the environment, you know. That's not peace for them. That's boring. What they call peace is when they can tear you down and have you struggling and everybody laughing and talking about something about you that's not even the truth. Believe it or not, when other people, some of these people cause you problems, that is how they get peace through their chaos that they bring your way. Yeah. But when they meet up with another person that favors the same type of behavior, if they don't develop and bond some type of a ref a friendship or relationship, they'll go at it with each other, but they'll back up because they've hit, they bumped into something that is a reflection of who they are. They want to be up against the one whom they see as weak underneath them. They can get you put in prison, they can have things taken from you. Don't let them. Don't let them draw you into their mess because they've had a whole lifetime of learning how to do it. They watch their parents to carry on like that. Yeah. All right now, when you talk about your now and your past, that means you, when they talk about you, what's going on with you right now and your past, that means you are living in their mind rent-free. Once again, I told you that. You're not even responding to them, but other people are around them. And the only thing they do is talk about you. The people that they are around begin to avoid them or they're like, watching she go again. She's gonna start talking about such and such. I really don't want to hear it. Sometimes they don't want to hear it, and they don't have any other choice but to just stand there and hear what they're talking about just because they don't want to be rude to them. If they knew like I knew, they would do what? Get up and leave them right there where they're at. Don't even stand there and listen to what they have to say. All right, Proverbs chapter 17, verse 9 says, He who covers up a misdeed fosters friendship, but he who gossips about it separates friends. So remember, when they talk about you and your past, that means you are living in their mind rent-free. Listen up here talking about you, scandalizing your name. They're breaking a commandment, they should not be doing that. God don't care for a gossiper, they don't see themselves as that either. And they might be trying to warn somebody about you. I don't know. Don't even trouble yourself with that. All right, so many. Sometimes after at the end of the day, when you sit down and you assess this, like you've had a big fallout with the um person that's addicted to chaos, the chaos addict, and then you sit down at the end of the day after having a breakup with them or a fallout with them, something, it's a confrontation, and then you begin to assess how it went, and you think about the things that you said or should not have said, you'll realize that so many lost opportunities are no longer necessary for you to receive healing and recovery from the damages inflicted on you or the attempts that were made to cause you harm. This is because when you sit down and you think about things that you could have done instead of standing there going back and forth with them. I've done this, and it can be for hours, and then voices are getting loud and whatnot. And eventually, if they are around like you, like you, let me tell you, for example, they I had cooked some food for my kids. I invited them over for it, it was a Thanksgiving dinner, and there's one of my adult children. I just do not like when this individual drinks, and I said, no drinking, no one's bringing their drinks. Don't drink before you come here. Only thing we're drinking is juice, tea, water, or coffee, you know, but no alcoholic beverages. So had cooked the food and everything, and everything was going well. We had a little music, we talked about God, and we did a little dancing and just had a good time, but there was no alcohol, okay? At least I didn't think. I never said don't drink before you come. This person, this adult child of mine, she had a drink, it's a girl, and it's just like her personality changed completely, and it's just like not, I don't know who it was. It was like she was okay, and then she had a drink, and she didn't really drink that. I I don't know when she had the drink, but apparently it was in her purse. It was in her purse, it got so chaotic in there, it was ridiculous. Just one little thing, she said something, and it just went from happy to what in the world are you talking about? She went to her childhood, she went through her young adult years, very young, and her relationships, and how she was not like valued in the family. She leaped on me and I told her, I said, You're gonna have to be quiet in here. You are too loud. The neighbors could hear that, that was embarrassing, and everyone was like, it's enough, and so she. This is the kind of stuff that happens sometimes, anyhow. I got so mad, I said, get out and don't come back, do not come back here ever again. I meant it at that time. Where am I supposed to go? I'm like, well, you should have thought of that before you carried on. I'm not gonna deal with this until you get ready to calm yourself down because I noticed after I said, get out and don't come back here no more, you were able to stop what you were doing. And then it started again. I said, get out, and I had baked a chocolate cake and I had made a pot roast, and there were some more foods. I got so mad, y'all. I threw the pot roast in the trash, and she was dating this guy. He loved the ground she walked on. He was a heavy set man. He's like, Miss Harris, please let me get a piece of that chocolate cake before you throw it away. So I cut him a, I mean, like over half a chunk of it. I was just so mad, and he wanted some of the pot roast and everything. And long story short, after I threw that pot roast and all that good food and that cake and stuff away, after she had left, I wanted me some of that food in the middle of the night. And I had thrown it away, so I couldn't get it anymore. It seems comical because I did think about it. And my younger daughter, she was home from college and she was like, Mom, I sure wish you wouldn't have threw that away. And I'm like, I don't know what else to do. And the other child of mine that was going at it with the one that was drunk was like, Oh, and nothing was open. Just when you are around people that will bring the worst out of you, be mindful of that. Know who you're with. Just because you forgive them doesn't mean that you allow them to come back into your social circle. Even if they are a child, a parent, whoever it is, they have to get themselves together. Other than that, that's a cycle that continues. Had I had a more of a strong grip over my emotions, I wouldn't have thrown my cake and everything away. You know, she would have just been asked to leave. And that's that. And she's come back, you know, before, over and over again, but she's understanding you're not doing that here. I've had her in the car before where she's gotten all upset. I'm like, I'm gonna stop this car right now. You're gonna have to get out. You're a long ways from home. I'm not listening to that while I'm driving down the street. Whatever you're going through, someone can counsel you because I'm not the one that can do it. These are choices that they have made, and you have to let them know I'm not gonna walk with you through this. I am not. And once people realize they cannot manipulate you because of who you are in their life, they get it together. And sometimes it's overnight, and sometimes it takes years, but you have to be mindful of that because you have so many lost opportunities. Apologies are no longer necessary. You don't even apologize to you. You can tell when a person is sorry just by looking at them, and you can tell when a person isn't. Keep living, you'll be able to figure them out. Forgiveness. Let's go to Colossians chapter three, verse 13. Because we need to know this, because it's important that we understand that. I always do this. I lost my marker. I really don't like this here. I lost my and then, of course, whenever I'm strumming through, I can hit on every single passage I need to go through, except that one. Because not just the same old thing, wanting to be forgiven. Yes, we want to be forgiven. We don't want God to, you know, hold us accountable for things that we have done or said to others, but it's important that we understand that when we do something, we gotta be held accountable for it. And I'm not talking about just the person that's addicted to chaos. Me, as the person that's on the opposite side receiving the lashing out from them. I gotta be responsible for me. I already know what that relationship entitles, so I need to know when they come, there's a possibility that this is something that is gonna occur. So Colossians chapter 3, verse 8 says, No, chapter 3, verse 13 says, bearing with one another and forgiving one another. If one has a grievance against another, as the Lord has forgiven you, you so must you also do. So forgive. We gotta forgive. But forgiveness doesn't mean that you have to allow the person to continue to be in your life. And sometimes you have to cut some people off. And sometimes you have to be the one that they cut off because you really have not realized, and it hasn't been brought to your realization where you're able to understand, I'm the one that's causing this. You know, you're the one that's putting others through different situations and scenarios that are just not safe for them. But remember, forgiveness. You don't have to invite anyone suffering from a chaotic addiction or the chaos addiction back into your life. You can let them seek treatment and show once they show evidence of having recovered, then you can allow them to come back into your life. I'm serious, because you don't want that. That's pain. Who wants to always be in pain from something that someone has it wants to put them through? No one does. And there are people that they will adjust and adapt to that type of lifestyle. I don't know, I guess God created them that way. But someone like me, I can't deal with that. I know I had a trauma bomb with my mom for years, and it's just like one day I wasn't screaming or yelling at her. God just let me know, you gotta be out of this. You can't be around this anymore. It has to stop. I got my kids and we left. We moved to another city, and I was able to, for the first time in my life, there was no significant other to that I would allow to drag me down. And I didn't have to like honor your mother and father, do what they want done, or else you're gonna be punished. I didn't have that radar on me. I was able to live, and it took some time, it was a challenge, but I was able to adjust to life free from other people's chaos and what was expected of me, and it feels good, it really does. All right, Ecclesiastes 3, verse 8 says, a time to love and a time to hate, a time of war and a time of peace. Y'all, this is my time for peace, and I want you to be able to embrace whatever your idea of peace is for your life, not to allow people to bring all kinds of chaos in your life because you're someone that's following behind Christ. A lot of people are trying to manipulate you and make you think if you are not uh like if you're if you're a Christian, you gotta go through this. You gotta put just my Bible. Don't tell me how to go through, but you want to put me through. It doesn't, and I'm not gonna go through that because half of the time, the ones who want to put you through that chaos, they couldn't even handle it themselves, and they want you to go through it. You got to find someone else to do it, but I suggest you get it together and learn how to live in peace with others or distance yourself altogether and just give yourself time to heal and just embrace life because life is good. Whenever you don't have to deal with people in their mess and they're trying to dominate and control you, and when they find out that you love Jesus, that's a way for them to think they can do whatever they want to do to you and let them find out you have a gift, whatever is going on with them, they see you as a genie in the bottle. They can come through and stand in the light, take the light, whatever it is that they want. They can't do that. There was a time way back when people would find out there was a man or a woman of God in their community, and God had equipped them with different gifts. They used to say, when that person comes through and that anointing is on them, that you can just take it. They were teaching people that you can't, you cannot take that. That's stealing. Why would you take that? Those are gifts that belong to God, and they are for specific individuals that have been praying to him, and only that person is going to be the vessel that God uses to heal and deliver and provide whatever need they want. And why would you even think if you ain't even know, yes, he will touch you if you're not a born-again Christian? Well, why would he do that? Why would he omit some that have been faithful? And if Jesus was to walk up to you right now and ask you what time it is, you wouldn't even give him the time of day you dismiss it. Oh, you look like Jesus. Get on down the road. And that was really him. Some of the things that people do, they want to distribute the Holy Ghost and the gifts that he has given to God's anointed chosen ones, they want to distribute them the way they choose, but your Bible tells you that the Holy Ghost distributes them the way he sees fit. So stop. If any of you are listening to this podcast, don't ever reach your hands out in the spirit or in the world and open your mouth up to tell God's servant what you want them to know.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:11

Because if God wanted that person to touch you, he would have told you.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:19

You have listened to me, especially when I have spoken about the different ones that he had anointed in the Bible. When it came to Paul, we knew him as Saul in the beginning. He was going around crucifying people that were speaking about Jesus because it was a new movement. And they were getting, and he would he he was on a mission. He had approval. He was certified to go to different to Damascus so that he could imprison anyone that was preaching and teaching about Jesus. Because, see, by this time, Jesus had been put to death. But Jesus met him on his way to Damascus, and he blinded him with a light. Everyone that was accompanying him, they heard his voice because Jesus said, He told him his name was Saul. He said, Saul, why are you persecuting me? Why are you hurting me like this? And he wanted to know, well, who are you? He didn't know that he was blinded. He said, Who are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:06:35

And he told him, he said, I'm Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:41

Saul was able to see him. But the people that were accompanying him, they couldn't hear him, but they testified, they couldn't see him, excuse me, but they testified to being able to hear the voice. They didn't see him, they didn't visually verbally, they didn't visually see him, but they heard the audible voice. That's another prime example for you to understand. When we are given gifts, you may have one Christian that's given a gift where you can see in the spirit. Some of you people don't understand. God's children are equipped with gifts. They can see your dumb behind trying to hurt them. God forgive me for saying that. Because what are sheep? Sheep without a shepherd are lost. They can see you running all over the place trying to cause harm to people that God has equipped with his goodness. And you don't know the hell those people have gone to. Look at him. Saul is getting ready to go through it. He can testify. He was struck with blindness. And he told he talked to him and everything. And he told him that he was gonna have, he told him where he needed to go. And he told him he was gonna have a man named Ananias meet him there. He was gonna come and see him, and he was gonna do what he told him to do. It was just gonna be for a little while. And God let uh Jesus let him know. I don't know, it doesn't go into detail as to what all the conversation was, but on that very day, whatever it is he and Jesus agreed to, saw when he got up from there, he began to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. We are taught in the New Testament there. He wrote some of the greatest letters and books to the different churches that were being established and erected in Jesus. How to live and walk as Christians, and who better to use than someone who persecuted and put down the church. When we say we want to follow Christ, we don't know what we're gonna have to go through in the spirit. Man, if I was to even tell you, you think I was mentally insane with some of the things God has shown me that people have had to try to do to me, and things that I have literally been able to see. Like I can see you. You think you're so smart. But the thing that they don't realize is you know what your wants are, you know what you want, you know what the devil has told you. And the devil is the very ones that they know that are ministers, people that are faithful servants of God. Like, why you couldn't get whatever gift that God has inside of me? How come you couldn't go to the same church your mama go to and get healed and delivered? How come you couldn't let the same preacher that came and told you this? Well, you didn't ask him, how come it ain't in you? Because that gift is not for you, it's for someone else. And the people that he has me to touch is not because that's who I chose to touch, because he let me know that's the one evidence of when Samuel anointed David, his father had seven sons go before Samuel, and each time God told him, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is not the one. And they even look like they would have been qualified, but God don't see like man does. What you see is stupid, dumb, and ignorant. God used it for something great, and remember, he knows what you lust after, because none of us are perfect, and then this is one thing I want to tell you here before we go on. This is me telling you, when they see they know the anointing that God has on me, oh my gosh, the way they try to come up to me as if I don't know he has an anointing here, there's a gift that he has invested in on me.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:20

Don't you know he told me? And he didn't say it had your name on it, but the ones that he has invested in front of, he let me know this one. Just like he told Samuel.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:39

He let me know that one, not even your children. Do you know there have been people that have sacrificed their children to the mulloch? To the God of Mulloch, putting their children in front of me, thinking they're gonna be saved and they're gonna come through and get all this good blessing, and they wind up messing up what the children would have had in the future.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:10

They think because they're in a wheelchair, they back hurt, they got one leg. That's not him either.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:25

God looking at our hearts, he's not looking at the outward appearance, and you don't take his gifts and distribute them anywhere you want to or where man or lady wants you to do it to, because it's not okay to gain the world, because you're gonna lose your everything. You will, and people that think they are they position themselves above you, and they're supposed to be someone that can guide you and talk to you, just like God spoke to Saul and I ain't talking about King Saul, I'm talking about Saul, the one who was on his way to crucify the church of Jesus, the one that was on his way to Damascus to slaughter. He also spoke to Ananias. He lined them up, he positioned them. Don't get yourself in a place where you're not supposed to be positioned with me. You don't know what God has told me He's gonna do for you. You think you can kill me in the spirit? Touch me and see what happened to you. You're gonna immediately find out who God is, and it ain't no joke.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:44

Always running the behinds all in the way, bringing their kids, their babies. And looking at you, smiling.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:58

Man, do you know who you're operating under? He's here with us. Satan is using you. Come and sit the car and park it beside my daughters or right here in front of the door, sit on the step. You're gonna regret that. Because if you speak to God, and you tell him something, you don't even have to know my name. And he tells me that he wants me to do something for you, it's gonna be done. That means he's gonna do it. Some of these people don't even believe God will heal them, he will provide for them. Why wouldn't he? If he were to touch you and do something nice for you, it's gonna make you want to run all over the place and tell what God did for you.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:52

But what you gonna do? Go around talking about Winnie did this. No. Winnie's hateful.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:06

She could have healed us, she could have provided for us. Could I really? I don't have a heaven or a hell for you to go to. I'm trying to make it to heaven. Cause I sure enough know how to get to hell. Do whatever I want to do. And that street heading there is crowded. It's full of people. The one that's less traveled, it's got a few people here and there. You might be on that road by yourself, look like you're on it by yourself for a long time, but there's someone there with you that's higher than you, that's providing you, that's protecting you.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:03

It is.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:06

And you know, these people aren't even ashamed of themselves, they don't realize your children are similar to you, even if they don't behave like you when they grow up. Because, see, when a man and a woman grow up, they're going out into the world. But when they're there with you, you can put your children down in front of me. You say Jesus loves the little children, and he does. He does. Just because you want to put them there, don't do that. A lot of people sacrifice their children to the gods. Don't do that. Whatever happened to when people used to say, Can you pray for me? Will you pray for me? I think because we have so much chaos in the world, people are addicted to chaos, we are coming from a standpoint where we can just do what we want. We can take it, we can take whatever we want, especially when people are preaching, even to this day.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:27

If you know of someone that has the anointing on them like that, just go on and you can go ahead and take that.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:37

That's yours.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:38

It is not, you can't, don't do that. Don't do that. Do not do that.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:53

There was even a time in the Bible, God is telling me, when there was a woman with the issue of blood, when she reached up and touched the hem of his garment. He wanted to know who was that that touched him. And the disciples that were around him talking about, what do you mean? All these people. And you want to know who touched you, even though there was a multitude of people around him, no one was drawing from the anointing that he possessed. But the one that reached out and touched his garment, he felt that when it left him.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:49

Went through her whole history.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:55

She was sorry for touching him. Some of these people aren't even sorry for trying to walk in the spirit like that. They try to set traps. Sit down doing this, that, and the other.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:07

Well, you set a trap for God. Trying to threaten.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:18

I have people that are trying to tell me, I will kill you. Well, you go right ahead.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:27

To die is to be with Christ. I'm not begging you for life. I'm gonna beg you for life.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:43

And you trying to take something that I got. You want to intimidate me? You want to see how bad I want to live?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:50

Man, if you had to pay some of these bills that I got, if you had to walk in the spirit and deal with people like you. God, I'm thankful for life. Better know what you're saying and doing and what you're plotting and planning to do.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:17

Anyhow, stay blessed. And remember, when you are in the company of someone that is chaotic, they are addiction addicted to chaos. You've heard of drug addiction, all kinds of different ones, even food addiction.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:40

Yeah, chaos.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:48

A chaos addict, and if that's all you know and you have been doing is providing chaos havoc, God is able to set you free just like that. Don't let people intimidate you. Because at the end of life, you are gonna have to be held accountable when the Lord comes through here, when it's judgment day. You're gonna have to be held accountable for the gifts that he invested inside of you. And if you take those gifts and use them the way that you want to use them, that's you. But as for me, I'm gonna do what he says, do. You don't think I would like to open some doors for myself? He didn't tell me that. He said he'll do it on his time. What he has shown me is for other people. There are people that have gone through similar situations, if not exact, and they are at the point where they are full of something that is called no hope at all. They have no faith, they don't believe the Lord is real, they don't believe He cares about them. They don't because they're looking at what they've gone through. There are days through my journey and my walk.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:27

I like, is this real? There are.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:39

Stop trying to take something that's not yours. There are times when God will protect it because it's not yours. You probably ran the person away that God was gonna use. And if you're uh grabbing a hold to the Holy Ghost, you see him as the person. You think you can take the gifts and do whatever you want to do and then turn around and go try to give it back to the person in spirit, you can't. You must hold on to that because you have gathered gifts that are not yours.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:15

I wouldn't want to be you.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:21

That means you're holding on to something that you cannot give back. And before you repent and say, Lord, I did this, and own up to whatever it is, be a man and a woman about yourself, a man and woman of God, and let him know whatever my fate is. That's how it has to be. Listen to how Eli spoke to Samuel when God was speaking to him. God wouldn't even, it was very uncommon back then for him to even reach out and talk to anyone. But he definitely wasn't talking to Eli and his two boys.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:01

The way Eli let his sons carry on, all had women all in the sanctuary laying around with them, stealing and taking whatever they want. And they were priests.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:39

I hear you. Yes, Lord, speak to me. And he began to tell him the fate of Eli and his children. He let him know he was gonna kill them. And none of Eli's children will be ministering to anyone else ever again. Today there are some ministers that God has removed that from out of their bloodline because of their behaviors, their addiction to chaos teaching people false teachings. When God blesses you, sometimes it's from some of the stuff that you have gone through. Can't nobody come through and take that? You the one who caused me to be receiving his blessing. What you tried to do to me. And then you want to reap the rewards for the hell and havoc you put me through.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:45

No, you can't.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:51

You cannot share in the inheritance that he has for me and mine, or that he has for you and yours. What do I look like stepping up, showing up to your door, trying to cash in on what you have gone through? God has the power to bless you with whatever he wants. And even before you even receive it, because the devil has shown them, they're stepping up trying to block it. You're testifying, your own spirit is testifying as to why he will not bless you like that. You're the problem. You missed, you mess it up for the whole everything. Kit and caboon. All right now, you guys stay blessed. And do not let the enemy trip you up, okay? And remember, Ephesians 3, verse 8, there's a time for all things. Yes, it is. Dwell on that last part, that peace and love. Because Jesus loves you. Because you don't want to be a part of someone's chaotic addiction. You don't always want to be the one that in order for them to get that feel good, you do not have to be the one that they tear into. You can move them out of your life. Let them say what they want to say about you. At least you have peace. Stay blessed, y'all. Dear Heavenly Father, I ask in Jesus' name that you will continue to guide and direct us and keep us safe from all evil. Show us the way, guide us so that we do not fail you. We can't do it without you. Holy Ghost, dwell within us, guide us, teach us. I pray that the people that listen to this will not be afraid to allow the Holy Ghost to reign inside of them for fear that they may do something that is offensive and never get forgiveness. Don't fear like that, because the only thing the Holy Ghost is gonna do is fix it, correct it. You can pray to the Holy Ghost, you can pray to Jesus Christ, and you can pray to God our Father. You can pray to His Mother Mary.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:41

Don't let anyone tell you no.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:48

Stay blessed in Jesus' name. Amen.