Do you ACTUALLY believe you can have your dream life?

If you struggle to believe your dream life is possible or “realistic” then you have to learn how to rewire your beliefs around it. 

Transcript

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Hello and welcome back to the Beauty and Positivity Podcast. My name is Alyssa Skinner and in today's episode we're going to talk about your dream life and your ability to achieve it, or should I say your belief in your ability to achieve it. A lot of us have a dream life and maybe you don't know what your career is that you want to do yet, or you don't know what your passion is or your hobbies, but you've at least visualized a dream life at some point. Usually we visualize our perfect day, what our perfect day would look like. And maybe for you right now, with the information you have now, is just not saying an alarm or not going to a job you don't like, going to Pilates or the gym whenever you want. Having coffee on the front porch of your brand new house, we all have a different idea of success. It means something different for each of us. For a lot of us, it is an amount of money, right? Or it's buying a home, or it's just getting married and starting a family. Success is different for each of us, but one thing we all have in common is we don't believe we can achieve it, or it feels really, really far in the future. So before we get into the nitty-gritty, the first most important part, you must believe you can actually achieve this dream life and make it happen. Okay. The reason most people are not successful is because they keep making excuses on why they don't yet have their dream life, or they keep finding reasons as to why they can't get there. They keep telling themselves a story, as well as telling other people that same story, why they can't start, or why it feels impossible, or why it's too hard and it's not realistic. You know, I don't have enough time, I don't have enough money, it costs too much to start up. I can't take that risk. I have children, that's irresponsible, or I can't because of where I live, or you know, I can't get fit because of my genetics, or whatever it is. There's so many reasons we all come up with for ourselves. And it is very important you understand. I validate all of those reasons. Every single one of those reasons is absolutely true, it's absolutely validating. That is a real experience. I am not discounting that whatsoever. I fully believe in those. Those reasons make it very hard, they make it feel very impossible. I validate them. Okay, just so we get that clear. However, once you understand the science of our brain and how our beliefs actually determine our experiences, meaning our day-to-day, what we experience, the people in it, you will quickly realize that you are telling yourself a story about what is true for you and your life and your identity, and your brain loves you so much, it is going to find every single reason it can to prove you right every single time. So basically, that means it will only highlight the parts of your day that validate your current belief. They validate why the belief you have right now is true. Your brain will keep showing you the same experiences over and over, a different day, same thing in your reality. Because it wants to show you you are correct. Your belief is true because of this, this, and this. It'll even find other people who are going through the same thing as you just to validate to you that that is true. Because for some reason, our ego, it wants to know we know what's going on all around us. It's it's our survival. So our brain has something called the reticular activating system. I have talked about this in previous episodes, and what that is, it goes by RAS for short. It means that it finds things in front of us in our experiences, and it will validate what we already believe. Okay. I'm gonna make this kind of short because science is not explained in a 15-minute podcast. But basically, it validates the beliefs you already have by generalizing, distorting, or deleting parts of your day. That's why I said your brain will highlight only portions of the brain, I'm sorry, only portions of your day to prove why whatever you believe is true. Like, okay, I don't like my job, and I have proof of that because my boss was a dick today. Or um, being a hairstylist is hard. Clients are never happy. Yep, you're gonna meet all of them. Okay, do you see how I mean our brain will find only those people or only those experiences to prove whatever you believe is true? So, our brain is not looking for reasons to challenge the belief you already have, it's never looking to prove you wrong. That's not survival. That is a threat. That's a threat to your survival. It's trying to prove you right through each of your life experiences, each thing that happens day to day. So, how do we fix this and control it? You have to deliberately look for things that prove the current belief to be wrong, if it's a belief you want to change. So, if you believe becoming a millionaire is really hard, but you wish to believe it's true or it's easy, so you can become a millionaire in this lifetime, you must start seeking reasons why it is easy. Becoming a millionaire can be easy. Why? Because it can be done, because it's possible. I've seen other people do it. Millionaires exist, billionaires exist, right? So you can start reading books on people who have become a millionaire. Seek out specifically people who started with nothing, which is pretty much everyone. Why is every millionaire that they have the same story? Like I came from nothing, I built this from the ground up. Why is that so incredibly common? People coming from nothing now have everything. The very first time you tell yourself something, okay, so you're trying to change your beliefs, rewire your brain. The first time you tell yourself something new, if it threatens a belief you already have, so just for an example, um, you say, I am really fit, but you look in the mirror, your brain starts finding all the reasons because you have a current belief of I'm not fit, but you want to be fit. So you start saying, I am fit. No, your brain already holds a belief of I'm not fit. So you look in the mirror and you your brain highlights all the parts of you that defy you being fit. Okay. So, anyways, I had I have to go into examples, but your brain does that because it goes into protection mode. It thinks, oh, but we have this belief and you're saying this. What about this? What about this conversation we had? You just told me this. You just said that it's hard to be fit because you're genetics, or you can't take that risk because we believe that taking a risk is irresponsible when you have children, or you can't be rich because you'll never get rich at this job. This is the job we're at. Like your brain is just going to find a million reasons to support the belief you already have, especially when you start trying to make a new belief true. That's why affirmations are really threatening in the beginning. Your brain is going into protection mode to not change anything it already knows to be fact. Okay? These are just our dominant thoughts. And this is why it's so important to be deliberate with your thoughts and be deliberate with the words you speak, especially about yourself and about your life and about what you want to be true for your life. We are constantly programming ourselves every single day with our I am sentences, with work is hard sentences, life is hard, things are expensive. Listen, I'm not saying we can find a million reasons why all those things are true. But do you want them to be true? Why are we pounding in this belief, going, oh, but it's real, it's right there. Okay, but you don't want it to be. You know, we're trying to change our life, so we're not gonna focus on what's already here. We know what's here, and we can all agree it's here. We want to change it, we want a new life and a new identity. So you are programming yourself with everything you say, everything you think, and this even includes your thoughts on autopilot, not just the thoughts you're consciously thinking. So you start reprogramming your thoughts just by being aware of what your thoughts are. Start there. Be aware, what kind of thoughts do I think? You notice yourself going into autopilot, and you start, you know, arguing with someone in your head or thinking how life is hard or I hate this traffic or I don't want to be at this job and I'm stuck here. Whatever your autopilot thoughts are, when you snap out of it, because you will, you just think, oh, I did it again. Okay, I'm here, I'm back, I am now being deliberate with my thoughts again. I am steering my thoughts exactly where I want them to go, not where I don't want them to go. I'm gonna make sure I don't think any thoughts that you know aren't supporting my successful self. This is just guiding your thoughts. Don't worry about controlling your thoughts. That's way too threatening for our brain. Just guide them, just observe them. And when you think a thought that does not serve the life you're stepping into, you just say, I release this. This thought no longer serves my new identity, it no longer serves the life I am stepping into as we speak. It's just a conversation with yourself because think about your brain as your best friend, it loves you so much, and so you're just talking to your best friend, aka your brain, and you just say, Thank you so much. I know you are protecting me because you love me. I appreciate you for protecting me, loving me. We are no longer available to thoughts like that, though. This is a really good affirmation. I use it all the time because it's a way to still love yourself and accept yourself. We can't change our life if we don't love ourselves because your brain's gonna go, I'm not taking any of these new thoughts and ideas you have. Like, you don't love me. Okay. Oh my gosh, I get off track sometimes. This is self-acceptance, though. You say thank you, but we are no longer thinking thoughts like that because we are now stepping into a new version of ourself. This new version of ourself in this new life is going to make us feel safe. That it is good that I'm chasing this life. I will feel safer here. I'll have more money for resources here. I can deal with life's same stress with more money, with more resources. So this is good. This is a good thing. You just have a conversation with your brain. And I just want to say, I know all of this, I've done all of this, and I'm so excited to be sharing it here. 2015, Alyssa had no idea she would even be the woman I am today, let alone have this mindset or think these thoughts. I'm literally teaching people personal development here. That's crazy. Ten years ago, I was in an abusive relationship, I was hanging out with loser friends, getting into trouble. I was living a life you would never picture me living simply because of who you know me to be right now. You would never guess. And that's a beautiful thing. That is how much I've completely 180 my identity and my life and my experiences. I'm so grateful I was able to build a new life for myself. I got a job at a gym, I met new people, people that were good for me, people that were into bettering themselves. Just a quick side note. I completely dropped everyone in my life at that time, other than my family. But my whole friend group, the relationship I was in, I just went off the face of the earth. Like, that is crazy. Still, I feel shocked to hear that I was strong enough to do that. I just decided, nope, this is not who I want to be. I am better than this. This is not the life I want to live. Like, I'm not doing this forever. And it just hit me. I just woke up one day and left my whole life. I got hired at the gym. That's when I started hanging out with better people. Someone taught me how to meditate, and it was like a new life was introduced to me because of one decision, a big decision. I decided to separate myself from anything that didn't support the successful version of me, the version of me I wanted to be. The very first personal development book I ever read was called As a Man Thinketh. And it was inspired by someone who was in my life at the time who was reading it, and I really admired this person's mindset and just grace for the world and the people in it. I wanted it to make sense so bad. And it my brain could not process what I was reading. It was so foreign to me. It's kind of sad, but I wanted it to make sense so bad. And so I kept reading it, and you know, maybe I'd have a little breakthrough here and a little there, but I was trying to kind of fake it till you make it. I was like, well, I want to be the kind of person who reads this book, and so I'm just gonna read it. I'm gonna try. I want to normalize this, like it feeling uh foreign like that, because that was me in the very beginning. So if you ever feel like, oh, this is a lot to take in, or you're reading a book I recommended, because I always share all the books I've read. If you're ever like, I don't even understand this, it's okay. I didn't either. Just keep going because you are in the process of creating a new normal. Your normal right now is based on everything you've done up until this point, and most of us have stayed comfortable up until this point. So just know a little discomfort means it's all changing. It's a really, really good sign. The polarity of 10 years ago, Alyssa, and 2025, Alyssa, completely new world. I have a new frequency. I am a different person, and because I am a different person, I live a different life. My finances are completely different. I love myself completely, my relationships are different, my whole life is different. I believed in myself enough, and because I tried and I did all those things, I now trust myself more than ever. Because I did it, and you are on the same journey, and so I want to talk about that because you are taking all those action steps right now. You're also starting at the beginning, regardless of how old you are or where you are in your life, it doesn't matter. You are in the perfect place at the perfect time right now, and you're gonna look back on this day just like I did. You're gonna look back on this day and wow and go, wow, I did it. Like she got me here. She did not know what she was doing, but she just tried. She just was like, I don't know, I'm just gonna stick it out, you know. Let me just see. And you're going to find so much self-love because of small little choices you make that get you to your successful dream life, to your perfect day. Because your dedicate your dedication is not for nothing, it adds up, it builds momentum, it will snowball. So if you're struggling with self-love, just know you are going to love yourself more than ever. And just you being here right now is changing your life, and it's making you it's telling your brain this is actually possible because we're doing it. Your proof. You're already in the top low percent of people most likely to be successful. You are in the group of people most likely to be financially free simply because you're putting your focus here. This personal development industry is where all the successful people put their focus into, at least to get to their riches. They did. It's personal development. And side note, anyone who calls it self-help, I feel like that's kind of an intentional negative connotation because people are very afraid to grow, they're very afraid to take a step into something, you know, the unknown, or to even face themselves, to look within, to even admit I do want more. That can be threatening, especially to the brain. So just know it's okay, they don't have to do it. But that's why I say personal development. I feel like it actually has intention. Like we are building, we are expanding, right? So just know you being here right now, this is how you build the successful version of you. You already have the potential because you've already stepped into it, you're already on your new path, and you're building the life you want. And you know what? Because of what you're doing right now, God, the universe, however you resonate, is already creating your future experiences based on what you decided to do today. How cool is that? So, whatever your dream life is, whatever your goal is, whatever you're trying to achieve, you must accept that it is possible. And every single step you take from now on is bringing that closer and closer to you. That could be an affirmation. I love that actually. Even if you take a few years, even if you're thinking, okay, that's gonna take a few years to achieve that, oh, I don't know, that's a long ways away. Like, do I have to start now? The time is going to pass, anyways. Okay. If I told you, okay, if you read this book and you listen to this podcast and you do these journal entries and you take that class, you will be a millionaire in three to five years. If that was a promise, you would be like, oh my gosh, three to five years is gonna fly by. That's gonna be so quick. Like, hell yeah, I can do that. You would jump on it. Suddenly, a few years would be worth it, right? So you don't have to know the how, okay. If you're thinking, how am I gonna bring this dream life in? What do I have to do over those three to five years to make it work? No, no, no. You're already getting off track. You have to bring your brain back to right now, to today, which is what can I do today? Let me just read this chapter, let me listen to this podcast, whatever it is, don't get caught up in the how because that is not your job. So do not take on duties that are not your job. Leave some of it for God, okay? Leave some of it up for surprise. Stop controlling every aspect of your life and only worry about guiding your thoughts into things that make you feel good. That's all that matters. It just needs to feel good. And take your small action steps with whatever feels right that day. Whatever idea comes to you, if it feels exciting, do it. Take that action. That means that feeling indicates its inspired action, meaning this supports my dream life. This is gonna make you feel really overwhelmed if you try to worry about the how, okay, and you might give up because that's gonna feel like the really big picture. Oh, what how am I gonna make this happen? That is the big picture thinking three to five years from now, you need to worry about the little picture every single day. Things I can do today. Have detachment. This brings peace. When you have peace and you have detachment, you know, you become a natural, you bring in anything you want. Let go of the how, become detached. That is guide your thoughts, become detached, let go of the how. So that's what we've gotten so far. The top three so far. So the time is gonna pass, anyways. Three to five years is going to pass. So, right now, think about your life three to five years ago. You can probably remember what job you were at, maybe you were in a relationship, maybe you were single. You know, you look at this and you're like, wow, that kind of flew by, especially as we become an adult. You're like, that just flew by. So that feeling, you're gonna do that now. Or I'm sorry, you're gonna do that around today. Like you're gonna look back on this day three to five years ago and go, I can't believe I did it. Like I just did it. You're doing the work now because the richer, wiser, smarter version of you is gonna be sitting there three to five years from now, looking back on today, going, wow, I just opened that book, or I just opened that podcast, and that was the beginning of it. It's like every step I took just led me here. I didn't even know I was doing it. That is exactly how it happens. It snowballs, and that's why I say let go of the how, because then that leaves so much room for your creativity to just take in that one small step that sounds fun because that's exactly my story. I look back on my life and I'm like, I don't know, it just worked out perfectly. I decided like I was gonna quit my job, and then I didn't know what I was gonna do, so I just decided I was going to work in my apartment kitchen, and then I don't know, and then the house came along, which was unexpected. I'll tell you that story in another day. But it's like I look back and I'm like, I thought I was just doing whatever sounded good that day. I had no idea that decision was gonna lead to this, and then this led to this decision, and then that led me here. Like it all just works out. So don't worry about the how because as long as you're taking action on these small little ideas and inspirations, they are going to snowball and they're going to build so much momentum, and they're gonna bring you to your dream life. So don't worry about what if I fail, what if it doesn't work out? Don't even question that. Only focus on your excitement. You are enter you are entering the top low percent of people that are deliberately creating their life right now because you're just taking the small action steps and you're letting your excitement guide you. Let the kid in you just be excited. I swear that is the path to success. So I heard something that's really good. I think about it all the time. You should only be working to make two people in your life happy. Can you guess who those two people are? Your five-year-old self and your 80-year-old self. Your five-year-old self would look at your life and go, Wow, you get to play with hair all day and drink coffee and hang out with girls. Wow, you get to, you have all this money. You can buy whatever toy you want. That is so cool. But your 80-year-old self would look back and be like, wow, she fucking did it. She just took the risk. What a badass. Like she just she believed in herself enough to try. Like, I'm so proud of myself. You don't want your 80-year-old self looking back and be like, I wonder what would have happened if I tried. No, you're you're you're not making your five-year-old self and your 80-year-old self happy. So strive to make those two girls proud. You want your 80-year-old self to look back and go, she took that risky decision, that quote unquote risky decision. I say quote unquote risky because is it really risky if you're leaving behind a life that wasn't your dream life, anyways? Sorry. That is my dog. Sorry, someone came to the door. He's my protector. But is it really risky if you're leaving behind a life you didn't want to live, anyways? A life that didn't light you up, a career that didn't make you happy, or bring in the amount of money that you deserve. Is it really risking that much? Think about it. So you're already living check to check. What can what's the worst that can happen? Maybe you have anxiety or stress and you feel trapped at this job and you're sitting in traffic and your boss sucks and your partner doesn't make you happy, whatever it is, right? It's really not that big of a risk if you think about it. So decide today that the life you want absolutely wants you back. And the only reason you might have believed otherwise up until this point is because someone told you to. Someone passed down their limiting beliefs to you. Don't take on any beliefs from someone who is not living a life you want to live. Open that personal development book, listen to that podcast, and only trust the people who are in a position you desire to be in. And remember, most of us started with nothing in our pocket, okay? I do consider myself successful now. I absolutely live a dream life that used to be a dream, excuse me. And I still am so excited to expand. I started with$50 in my pocket, okay? The typical uh, you know, rags to riches story. It all gets figured out along the way. All of the scary what-if thoughts, they always get figured out. Look at your past. You made it through everything up until this point, and you are just fine, and you are gonna get through everything again on this path to your dream life. You've been doing it all along. This is not foreign to you. You're strong, you're wise, and just let your excitement guide you. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you got a little something from this. I am sending you so much love and so much success. And I can't wait to share even more and go even deeper in future episodes. Bye.