My advice if you’re going after your dream life

5 favorite tips that will keep you going AND what to avoid doing. 

Transcript

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Hello gorgeous souls and welcome back to the Beauty and Positivity Podcast. My name is Alyssa Skinner and in today's episode we're gonna talk about what it's like to go after your dream life and what advice I have for you. So I'm diving right in. This is a very highly requested episode. So when you're going after your dream life and someone hits you with the, are you really gonna quit your secure corporate job to open a nail salon where you have two children and you have a mortgage, you have high blood pressure, such few new businesses succeed in the beginning. In this economy, aren't you worried about what happens if you fail? What about your family? Girl, of course you are worried about what's gonna happen, right? Of course you're afraid of failing. If you fail, you could think about that all day by yourself. You do not need someone prompting you, right? You have enough of your own panic around that. But guess what? That is the easy route. It is so easy to give up. It's easy to brush off your million-dollar idea, it's easy to stay safe because of the what if I fail mindset. You are just like anyone else in the world if you take that easy route. It's so hard for people to digest that, but it's the truth. Only the people with potential for real success have this one trait. Over 99% of the people in America, okay, I'm only thinking Americans, don't have this trait. And that's the ability to move past your fear. Doesn't that sound so easy when you say it? Yet no one does it. It's very scary. I will validate that. But you you have a chance to create something you were so psyched about, and you're going to let the fear stop you. I mean, everyone has fear. No one would be successful if we all listened to that. If we all listen to those thoughts. Like, remember why you are excited rather than going and sharing the pain and the misery in the break room at your job with everyone else. Okay, but listen, not everyone is meant to be an entrepreneur. If you don't feel the absolute adrenaline and excitement running through your body when you think about opening a business or working for yourself specifically, then you're not meant to be an entrepreneur. And that is not a bad thing. I just think that there's this toxic self-help community on social media, specifically, like if you don't work for yourself, you're lazy. Or if you don't become an entrepreneur, you're just scared to go for anything. Like you won't be successful. That's not true. You can be successful in any job. That's just not the case. You can imagine if we didn't have people working certain jobs, like the people that come pick up our trash every week, they woke up and decided to show up for work in the freezing cold and in the dark because they value their paycheck, or people that clean our water so that you can just run your tap mindlessly, taking advantage of the resources we have here. The people that work in our sewer line so that you can just press a little knob on your toilet. You don't have to do any of the dirty work. So I'm only speaking to people who actually want to become an entrepreneur. I do not think everyone should be one. And I don't think there's negative connotation around not wanting to be one at all. I don't think everyone has a dream to be an entrepreneur, and nor should we. We are so individualized in our dreams and our passions and our work ethics. We all have our own motivation. We all have the line that we've drawn in the sand of what we think is worth it, what we think, you know, will bring us happiness and contentment. So I'm only talking to those who want to go for something, um, but have, you know, those fearful thoughts. And they have, what if I can't afford it thoughts. Now that we've cleared that up, how can you truly not care about what other people think while you're stepping into your most powerful self? Ask yourself uh your why, otherwise uh known as like, what is your why? You've probably heard that a lot. What's your why? What is your why? When I first decided to quit all my jobs, I was working three at the time, I knew working at the laser center, I was performing cosmetic lasers, I was working at the and that was full-time, five days a week, Monday through Friday. And then I would go work at a waxing salon four nights a week, and then I was at a hair salon part-time. I was working multiple jobs, not because I needed the money, I was working on all of those jobs because I had multiple passions. I could not be satisfied only doing one of those things. I was not living up to my full potential, I wasn't allowing myself to pursue all of my passions, okay, just by committing to one. So I worked all three. And when I decided to leave, it was the scariest thing I had ever done. It was the exact imagery of the angel and the devil on your shoulder talking back and forth. The voices in my head were like, No, but this is your dream, this is everything you ever wanted. And the other one was like, No, you're never gonna live your actual dream if you don't make this decision. So, what kept me going? I knew my why. I knew I wanted to be a mom soon. It just hit me one day where I was like, Okay, I'm not ready to be a mom like this year, but what is my long-term goal? Like, I'm working so many hours. I would go home crying sometimes, just like exhausted. And I was working at the time this many jobs because just a side note, I was coping. I had just moved to a new state, and the lifestyle was so different. Okay, just gonna be real. I came from San Diego, California, where I could walk outside three times a day, easily get sunlight, easily hit 20k steps, throw on my roller skates, hop on my bike, grab a coffee, and meet up with the neighborhood girls for breakfast. Like I missed my lifestyle, and I moved here where there were no sidewalks, and I moved here in the winter, so the trees were bare and it was freezing and the sky was gray. I was depressed. So, yes, they were all my passions, but I think I was actually coping as well. I was distracting myself, and so I came here for my husband's dream. I came here, you know, to support him, and I'm like, okay, I also came here to reinvent myself and see what I could do. Like, when what when's my you know journey coming? Like, what am I doing here? So, anyways, I was coping with that. I was working a lot, but I decided my why was I was ready to be a mom, could not possibly do that with the amount of hours I was working, three jobs. I was like, my kid's probably gonna grow up with someone else, which I respect everyone who has no choice but to do that. But imagine if you did have a choice. Imagine if you did just go through temporary discomfort, six months to a year, because that's how long it took me. I built my clientele in one year, and you know why it happened so quick? Not because I'm lucky, not because I'm pretty, because someone told me once that clients only come to me because I'm pretty, so that's hilarious. Um, but it happened quickly because I gave it 100%. I didn't just quit one of my three jobs and say, okay, I'll start working on my dream part-time, you know, I'll try to make it work in my free time, and then I'll keep these two jobs to keep money coming in because I'm scared, you know, I can't not have money coming in. So that was the angel and devil on my shoulder. It's like, you're never going to do this. You have to give it full time, you have to give it a hundred percent right now. And girl, my ego was screaming at me when I was on the phone with corporate because they called me when I quit and they were like giving me everything I ever wanted to stay. You know, they were buttering me up, and I was so confused. They could probably tell on the phone, I wanted to say yes, and I was like, I don't know, like, yeah, they're giving me everything I wanted, like they heard me, you know, but no, I'm never gonna live my dream life. This is not my dream life. I already decided, I made my decision. So it was a struggle. So I know how scary it is. I know it's scary when you're taking the jump, and that is why my favorite phrase in the whole world is leap and then the net will appear. We want so bad for the net to appear so that we can leap. That's not how it works. I mean, that's just my belief. I don't think that's how it works because you will never jump. The leap is never going to appear. And I knew deep down I had to prove to myself, to the universe, to God, whatever you want to call it, that I had faith. I had to make plan A work. I could not have a plan B. And how did I get here mentally? Because not having a plan B is terrifying. You know, you're probably thinking, okay, how could you just jump and not have like a plan? What if it fails? It's like I knew to myself, what is the worst? I had to think, like, what's the worst case scenario? If I if this doesn't work, what I just find another job? I just go apply on Indeed again to 10 freaking jobs. Like, I'm already doing that. I'm already working for a job I found on Indeed. What is the worst case scenario? I'm already living the worst case scenario. And honestly, you probably are too. You are already sacrificing your time, your comfort, your flexibility, your freedom, okay, your freedom to travel, your freedom to take a day off if you feel burnt out, your freedom to take that mental health day, your freedom to take whatever lunchtime you want for as long as you want, your freedom to meet up with a girlfriend when she's calls out one day and you go get a pedicure, like your freedom to wake up and have a slow morning, your freedom to go exercise in the mid-afternoon just because you felt like it. Or just wanting to take a walk outside. Like there's so much we dream of while we're sitting at work, right? You're already sacrificing all of your dreams doing that, you're already living the worst case scenario. And so when you think about it this way, suddenly it feels less scary, right? It feels so much more doable. It's like, okay, if I fail, what? I just get another job. Like, or maybe I beg for this job back. It just feels more doable. And I do want to say, if you have kids and you feel like you have more to lose, because I respect that, I only had myself and my husband to think about, I probably would have felt a duty to keep a job as well, to keep money coming in while I worked on my dreams. I can't even lie. I probably would. So I don't know how I would have felt because I've never been in that situation. But if you are and you do have that duty to provide while trying to build your dream life, you can. But you must understand it will most likely come with a little bit more sacrifice. That's just my belief. Maybe it won't, but I do personally believe your nights, your late nights, and your early mornings must consist of you building your dream life. You simply cannot go to your job to make someone else's dream and someone else's business successful and then come home and not work on yours. You will never get out of that loop. So, what is your why? Why do you want this thing? Why do you want to go after this life? Is it because you feel called to do it? Because you feel excited, because you feel like there's just something about it that's gonna change your life, because you just feel like it's the next step to your dream life, because you're over being on the hamster wheel with the rest of the world. If you take time to understand your why, why you want this, why it's worth the sacrifice and the time and taking the leap, you will keep going on your hard days. Your why is the only thing that keeps you going, okay? So figure that out, journal it out, whatever you need to do, and always remember this feeling. Why? This is why I'm doing it. And maybe your kids are your why, maybe you want to be around for them more, you know, it's temporary sacrifice. Next, always do your best. Most people give up too fast, they see that it's not working, or they, you know, should I I should say they see the illusion that it's not working. Because if you've read any of the personal development books, I've recommended to you on social media, you would know the breakthrough comes at the hardest moments, the deepest, darkest, darkest moments. Every single successful person will tell you at this moment, you feel like it's not working, and then you give up, but you have to keep going. If you feel like you can't go any further and you have to get another job, or you have to put it on the back burner, your dreams, you must push through. Like I said in the beginning, successful people push through their fear, okay? You pushed through, you are the successful person that I'm talking about in the one person. When you step into that and you embody that, the universe has no choice but to shift itself around to you because you are standing in that energy of demanding and declaring and deciding, and that's when it fucking happens. Remember the excitement you felt in the beginning. That's the only thing that honestly kept me going. When I started getting fearful thoughts, or it became really hard because it does. I'm like, okay, maybe this isn't right for me. I'm not feeling aligned with it anymore. Like, no, uh, the the excitement was there in the beginning, and that's your sign. That is why the journey is worth it. And it it takes faith. You have to have faith. Also, never fall victim to outside opinions. It's very easy to become anxious, and all the thoughts of what if I fail will start rolling in. Okay, especially in the moments of insecurity. When you go after something, it's gonna be up and down, it just is. And people are always going to push you to make the safe decision. That is not how you get to success. The safe decision is always back on the hamster wheel. People encourage you to do this because they love you and they want you to be safe. They don't want you to go through a struggle, they don't want you to be hurt or they don't want you to fail. But unless they are someone living their dream life, they have no helpful advice for you. They can love you while you go through it, but you've already made your decision to go for it. Next, trust your intuition. Like I said, the feeling, the excitement in the beginning, that is your intuition, and it only speaks once. It is an incredible guidance tool that you need to keep in the back of your mind the first time you feel it. It doesn't speak twice. Any thought after that excitement is your ego and it's trying to keep you safe, it's trying to keep you in survival mode, and you simply have to say, I've said this in previous episodes, thank you, brain. I thank you for loving me, thank you for keeping me safe, but we're no longer energy energetically available to those thoughts. Those thoughts are not getting me to my dream life. I've been thinking those thoughts my whole life, and here I am not living my dream life. So thank you. But you always have the answers inside of you. We all do. So listening to outside opinions, they will always validate your fearful thoughts, your doubtful thoughts. They will always validate your fear, and that's why they don't live their dream life. Your intuition speaks one time. Remember that. That's the excitement. That is the oh my gosh, this could work feeling. Trust that and know you were only gonna feel that in the beginning. So when you don't feel it throughout the rest of your journey, that is normal. And you have to bank on the first time that you felt it, you have to count on it and know that is how I know I'm on the right path. Not any feelings that come next. Next, find a temporary role model. Do not listen to people that are not living their dream life, like I said. Find a mentor, someone that you are impressed by, someone that inspires you, someone who talks about a time that they faced the challenge and they made it through. Because this is going to remind you it can be done. And it's just part of the simple puzzle you're putting together, you're building. They are a part of that puzzle. Finding a mentor like this inspires you to surround yourself around people like this, like successful people, people that have been through that hard journey and they got out on the other side. The listening to these people, whether it's even just their content, they're gonna get you to the other side. Next, love yourself. It is so important to be patient one step at a time, journal your affirmations, work on your self-love, listen to this podcast, read personal development books, do your mental hygiene, exercise, go for a walk, do your skincare at night, meal prep that healthy meal you found on Pinterest this week. Just love yourself, just seriously love yourself for even going after this. You're so incredibly brave, and it shows how much you love yourself because you are taking the leap. You being here right now says so much, and you're already doing more than the average person. So I hope these tips have ignited a fire in you and have made you so excited. I've had two cups of coffee, so this was kind of a quick one today. Not really, I guess it's been almost 20 minutes, but um yeah, successful people always share their story in their books. And so keep up on those. Personal development is the only thing that kept me going. I would fall victim so easily, and I would give up if I didn't keep up on my personal development. Podcasts, books. You know what? I even used to go on YouTube and just type in motivational video. I'm not even kidding. And I would put that on in my car on my way to my nine to five every single morning, and I would get hyped knowing one day I'm gonna live my dream life. Like I'm not here forever. I'm just here today. That helped me, so maybe that will help you. But remember, we said six months to a year. That's a long time. You need to stay hyped. You need this kind of content in your mind every single day. And if you miss a day, hop back on the next day. It's okay. Thank you so much for listening. Let me know in the comments what you thought. Tag me on social media if you listen to this, and have a beautiful day. Knowing success is already on its way to you right now. Bye.