You identity might be your road block

You may have already made agreements your  of about who you are, what you can have, what you are good at, bad at, etc. This might be your road block to your dreams. 

Transcript

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Hello and welcome back to the Beauty and Positivity Podcast. My name is Alyssa Skinner, and in today's episode, I'm going to help you remember how you are writing the movie that you are living. Your life is a movie and you are producing it, you just forgot, and you just need a reminder. And so the only reason you are not who you want to be yet is because of the story you keep telling yourself. The story that you repeat subconsciously and consciously is how you write your movie. This episode is a little piece I took out of the Enlightened Babe Academy to share with you because identity work is everything. And it's only a small, small portion of the Enlightened Babe Academy, but this has to be out there. You have to remember you are writing your movie. We all have an identity that we've assumed, okay? We all decided we were or weren't something or someone. We believe facts about ourselves, we've accepted things that feel true about ourselves, whether someone else told us we are this way, or we took it as truth because we've seen a pattern in ourselves, or we simply decided it was fact. This forms our identity. Saying things like, I'm not creative, well, I don't know what my purpose is, I don't know what I'm passionate about, or I can't meditate, my brain just does not stop thinking. Or I try to eat healthy, but I'm still not confident in my body. I feel like nothing ever works for me. Nothing works for me. I don't know what else to do. I've tried everything. Or I want to quit my job and I want to do XYZ, but I can't because dot dot dot. Fill in the blank. What is the story that we keep telling ourselves? What do you keep telling yourself? All of those stories are things we tell ourselves that we believe are true, or we believe we're different. We believe we're special, but we are not. We are not different than any other person next to us. All of those stories are identities, things that we assume about ourselves or things that we decide are true are equivalent to I'm not a smoker. Well, why don't you smoke? I just don't. I'm not a smoker. I don't know why, I just don't. And of course, vice versa, if you do. You simply decided that you do or don't. That's it. Somewhere down the line in your life, you decided you were or were not. You created your identity. This also goes for if you want kids. If you don't want kids, you created your identity. If you work, if you don't have to work, you created your identity. Because some women don't work and some women work. That means it's a decision. One woman believes, oh, I'm gonna marry a man who takes care of me. I don't want to work, I just want to be a wife, I want to be a mom, I want to be a homemaker, that's what I'm gonna do. While another woman is deciding, oh, that's not my identity, I could never do that. I love working, I love having my own money. These are just identities that we take on, the people we want to be or we believe we have to be. It's just a choice. You either believed it or you decided it. You want to be good at public speaking? Do you want to be a business owner? Do you want to make people feel good? This could be counseling, beauty work, teaching, massage. You could stay right where you are right now and assume the identity of I make people feel good, that's what I do. You could walk around giving strangers compliments all day and say, I'm just slight in this world, I make people feel good, that's my passion, that's my purpose, and that's what I do with my time. You can become anyone you want to be today. Just decide right now and practice it right now. If you're a server and you just want to be free, you don't want to do anything, then affirm all day, throughout the day, every day, I am free. I am always free, and it's easy for me to be free. Just start changing the story in your head that keeps repeating itself because deep down there's a quiet, quiet voice. Notice the things you affirm to yourself quietly in your mind. You don't even realize you're doing it because it's subconscious. When you look in the mirror, what is that tiny voice saying about your body, about your hair, about your clothes, about what you have to do today, what your life is. For one, you are not your thoughts, but for two, simply notice and decide. Just be neutral, take a step out of your body for a second when you hear that tiny voice, as though you're just observing. You're observing a third party. And you're observing your thoughts in that tiny little voice and what it's saying, and you're looking at it and going, hmm. Okay, that's interesting that you would say that. That's interesting, you would think that. Just be neutral. You are observing your thoughts outside of yourself, and just start to learn what you subconsciously say about yourself or your life over and over again. This little voice will reveal the identity deep down that you believe you have to be, or that you believe you are. This is like banging on the door and you start giving it a new affirmation, you're consciously affirming your new story, your new identity, over and over again all day, as many times as you can remember. That is banging on the door, telling this tiny little voice the new truth. I'm the producer, this is my movie, here's the new script. You are when you're repetitive enough, banging on the door long enough, it'll open. If you want to be good at something, start saying, I'm good at XYZ. Learning XYZ comes easily to me because I'm interested in learning XYZ. I inspire others just by being me. I'm safe to be me. I get paid to be me. My life is simple because I decide it was. When I first decided I wanted to open a business because I always felt like I was meant to be a manager or a leader or work for myself somehow, or just be free. I knew that one day I was meant to just be free, do whatever I want, and money would come to me somehow. I had no idea what or how that was going to play out. I was just finally fed up with working for other people and not feeling like my full potential was being utilized. I was finally fed up with someone putting a ceiling over me, someone telling me when I could grow, when I could move up, when I could make more money. These were things that I valued. I wanted to grow when I was ready. I wanted to do more. I wanted to do more and I wanted to make more because that's what I want. I wanted to feel comfortable in my finances, in my home life. And most importantly, in the mornings. I've always had this dream of just not waking up with anywhere or waking up with not having anywhere to go. Right when I woke up. Just drinking my coffee, not in a rush to get anywhere, living life on my terms, doing what I wanted. That was freedom to me. Peaceful mornings was freedom to me. So what is your freedom? These mornings were so important to me that I resented that I had to go to I had to go to work. I had to leave my comfortable home. I had to leave my peaceful, dreamful morning and go work somewhere. And all these people will have their opinions, like, well, that's life. You have to work. What you think you're special? I decided not to assume that identity. That sounds like a miserable identity to me. Acting like you have no control over your life. No, thank you. I decided not to be what other people said I should be, and not to believe what other people believe. That's their movie. I'm not in it. I'm a side character in their movie, okay? So who says you have to leave the house to work? A lot of people don't leave the house to work. A lot of people make money when they sleep. That's their identity, that's their belief, the story they keep telling themselves, and that's the life they live each day. I just found enough proof, enough proof for myself, that other people on social media who inspired me, podcasts, coaches, books, that it is possible to make money in your pajamas in the morning. I am recording this podcast at 11 a.m. on a Wednesday morning in my pajamas with an eye mask on. It is possible. Other people proved to me that it was. All I needed was the evidence. I had to find one person. And if that wasn't enough, I found 10 people that were doing it. Everyone is a human being just like us, but we look at them like they're different. We look at ourselves like, well, I'm different. It's harder for me. They're lucky. I'm not. Things like that happened for them, not for me. Why? That is this old script. We're throwing it out. I just needed enough evidence that it was possible and that I could stay home. So when I finally decided I was gonna go for it, building a business, I was not even close to being ready. This was a random, I think it was also a Wednesday. I randomly woke up one Wednesday, called out of work, and was like, I need a mental health day. And I was not planning on quitting. Okay. I just woke up and was like, I can't go there right now. Had no idea what I was about to where the trajectory of my life was going. I just needed a mental health day. That's where it started. So most of you probably know my story by now. I moved to a brand new state. I was only here for a few months. I had no clients lined up. I wasn't even working in that field. I was in the med spa industry, I was at a waxing salon, and I was at a hair salon one day a week. So I just decided in that mental health day, somewhere along the lines of that afternoon, I decided I'm done. I'm gonna go for it. I don't know what I'm doing. And this is really dumb and irresponsible, but screw it. It just it was very impulsive. And I just decided I would start working in my apartment. I don't know. There's nowhere else that's called me back to get a you know a booth for rent, or I can't afford a suite and right now because I have no clients. And so I don't know, why not just try to see if someone will come in my apartment and let me do their hair? It's crazy. And most people would be like, absolutely not. No, my job is way better. I'm not doing that. But for me, I decided it was time. I was a licensed cosmetologist. I was using that license in the med spawn industry, dermatology, waxing, and hair salon. I did a bunch of stuff because I loved it, but I didn't love the schedule working for other people. I didn't love the lack of freedom, and I didn't love the management that was a ceiling over my head. I knew I could do it on my own, but I didn't consciously know it yet. It was just a feeling like that's what I want. I don't know how, but that's what I want. And I just felt smaller working under someone because they were telling me I couldn't be bigger yet. So I simply decided it was time. I decided I was someone who was capable of trying. That's it. I did not know the end result. I did not know if it was going to work, and I knew if it didn't work, I simply would go get another job. I was already living my worst case scenario. Why not try? If it doesn't work, I either beg for my old job back or I go get another job. There's always a job hiring on indeed, okay? Always. And so I was stuck in the loop of well, I have to pay pills, I have to pay all my bills, you know, and then in my free time on the weekends, I'll work on building my dream. I have to keep my job and then just work on my dream in the very, very little free time I have. No, that was the identity I assumed. That was the story I kept telling myself. I can only do this in my free time. I have to work. But I knew deep down that was a lackful thinking and that was fear taking over. Deep down, with all the books I've read and all the podcasts I've listened to, I knew I had to go for it. I had to give it full time, and I didn't want to. I was fighting with myself. It was like a true angel and devil on the shoulder thing. The devil was like, take the job, they're they're offering to backpay you, they're offering this, they're offering everything you wanted for this whole time, you know? And the angel was like, you know, this isn't what you want. So you know the right decision. I was just like, the my intuition was so quiet, so quiet, because my ego was loud. My ego was like, that is irresponsible, don't do it. So my husband was a full-time student when we were doing this. We were not in a financial place for me to just quit three jobs and make a cute little business come true and just try, maybe see if someone will come work to my apartment so I can work and make some money. That sounds ridiculous, right? Most people would say, absolutely not. Most people would say that's so irresponsible. You're just gonna quit and just hope. Yeah, that's what I did. Because every single story that I read about a successful person had a story to tell from the bottom. That was the pattern I saw. And so that was the story I started telling myself. When I looked around at my rock bottom, I affirmed immediately, this is going to be a story I tell one day. And you guys, I cried when I wrote this podcast episode up because I was like, wow, full circle moment. I am here on a podcast telling my story. The story you tell yourself comes true. So, what story do you want to tell yourself? And don't give up. I am telling this story three years later. Three years. Three years I didn't give up. Okay. And my dream income that I've surpassed, and that is my regular baseline, I'm so grateful for. That I manifested, I journaled over and over again, I think for six years, maybe five, five, or six years. That is crazy. So when I tell you that I'm crazy and I don't give up on something, even though there's so many things pointing to, okay, it's been three years. It's probably not gonna manifest, it's probably not gonna happen, it's probably not possible, absolutely not. I decided not to accept that story. That tiny voice will try to tell you the story, it will try to make you believe it's factual. It is not. It is a test. You are breaking down your old identity, and you must keep breaking it down until your new identity is who you want to be, and the life, your movie, is the movie you enjoy watching. You're already living out every story you've always told yourself right now. Look at your life. This is because of your beliefs, this is because of the identity you've decided to be, because you either felt like you had to, there was no other choice, or you believe that's the only option, or it's an identity you actually really like. And in that case, you're ahead. I'm very happy for you if that is your story. But a lot of us are not there yet. And that's a good thing because when you realize that you have the power, that your movie is a result of the story you keep telling yourself, that reminds you you are the storyteller of your life. I know it sounds cliche, but you are. You take that seriously. You are writing your story, and you can rewrite your story, a new story, in the middle of an afternoon, any to anytime you remember. Oh yeah, I'm living that old story. I don't want that anymore. Here's my new story. Because that's what it will be in the beginning. You will forget and then you will remember. It will come in waves. Just keep up with the waves. Every time you remember, affirm your new identity, affirm your new story. My affirmation was I will tell this story one day, I will tell this story one day, I will tell this story one day. And I assumed, that was assuming that I would be successful. Me saying, I will tell this story one day, insinuates I'm going to be successful and I will tell my story of where I started with nothing. One day. And so I affirmed it to myself as many times as I could. Whenever I remembered, I would. I did not start with, I'm a millionaire, I'm a business owner, I'm successful. That was way, that was jumping too many steps ahead because that was not true. I only had to believe I was someone who was capable of trying. I am someone who will tell this story one day because that's affirming my current reality in front of me. I'm not denying it, right? I'm looking at my life going, yeah, this kind of sucks, but I will tell this story one day. That affirmation affirmed what I'm looking at is true. I'm not ignoring it. I'm not going to my garden and saying there's no weeds, there's no weeds, as I'm staring at weeds in my garden. Okay. Positive thinking, my last episode, that's toxic positivity. We do not lie to ourselves here. We simply rewrite our story. I now have my dream mornings. I wake up, I put an eye mask on, I get my coffee, I sit at my vanity, and I just take a few steps and work is right there. But I did not know that that was going to be my result. When I first started rewriting my story and rewriting my identity, I had no idea I would be here. I only had to affirm what was in front of me. I am trying. And I am someone who will tell this story one day. I didn't have to know the result, and you do not have to know your result right now. In fact, you won't. And if you try to know, you will feel that will feel way too big and you will give up. You will give up because that's way too much to try to figure out. That is not going to happen today. You only have to decide who you are today. That's it. You do not know where, you don't have to know where you're going to end up, okay? So don't get caught up in the bigger picture. That is what makes us give up. It feels way too heavy, way too big to hold, and way too big to figure out. You're not working on chapter 15 right now. You're working on chapter one. Who are you going to start being today? What kind of person are you? What kind of person do you want to be? Are you someone who doesn't normally take risks? Maybe you want to start. Are you someone who your old identity doesn't step out of their comfort zone? Maybe your new identity does. Maybe you try one thing out of your comfort zone and you gain this confidence. Maybe that old timeline that you were living on is in the past because today is a new day, and any decision you make today is leading you to a whole different life. It always does. And I won't get into it, but scientifically, our brain, the second you decide something you normally wouldn't decide, or you take action on something you wouldn't normally take action on, or you see something from a new perspective you wouldn't normally look at it from, that is a brand new neural pathway in your brain. It created a brand new neural pathway. Never never built before, your brain just built it. So building your identity is true. You actually become a different person. I want you guys to know that, you know, I'm this social butterfly, I'm full of joy, I'm excited about life. Right when I wake up in the morning, I could be friends with anyone. I just love people. But at one point in my life, in 2018, to be specific, I decided to be this person. And it didn't happen in a day. I just decided I wanted to be her. I went through a really hard breakup and I was looking at who I was. And I realized I don't want to be her anymore. I don't. I didn't want to be drinking multiple bottles of wine a week. I don't even drink now. I didn't want to be shy. I didn't want to be antisocial. I didn't want to be insecure. I wanted to be bubbly. I wanted to be friendly. I wanted to be someone who gets along with everyone. And maybe people have seen this in me all along, but I did not see it in myself. I wanted to be the person that someone else looks at and goes, gosh, they're just so happy. I just love being around them and I aspire to be like them. This is my identity now. I cannot imagine being any other person today. That is who I am. It's completely natural, it's completely genuine, but it started with a different identity in a decision in 2018. The first time I practiced this, I was at a bonfire with a bunch of people I didn't know. And this was the first time I decided to act in my new story I was telling myself, right? My new story was I'm bubbly, I'm friendly, people like to be around me, and I like to be around people, and I'm confident. I'm a social butterfly. I'm at this bonfire, I knew absolutely no one. It was their friend group, I was just a date, someone's date. And I remember standing at the bonfire with all the boys, and the girls were in the kitchen in the house, and I thought to myself, gosh, I want to hang out with them, but I don't know any of them. That would be so weird to go in there. And I thought, no, I am. The kind of girl who is confident, and I am friendly with everyone, and everyone is friendly with me, and I'm not going to be uncomfortable or shy anymore. So I decided and I ignored the fear. I was like, nope, I'm I'm doing it. I'm don't want to think about it because I won't do it if I think about it. And I decided to walk into this kitchen with confidence, and I decided they are going to be nice. We are going to be friends, and they want to be my friend and they want to meet me. I just decided. True story, I walked in. They I assumed my different identity, my new identity. I decided I was confident. I decided they wanted to be my friend. I pre-paved the way. And that is the exact result I got. The girls were so sweet. They were so interested in meeting me and chatting with me. They all told me their names and shook my hand, like very, very kind and welcoming. I did not even expect it to go that well. It went way better than I thought. And that might seem so dumb and small, but I was so antisocial. I was such a fearful person. And I just stayed in my comfortable place. I would have just stayed out with my date outside, right? My old identity wouldn't care to put myself out there. She would care to stay comfortable and stay small. So I want you to realize it is so simple to just decide. And it's scary the first time, but the first time gives you the confidence to do it a second time, and it's so much easier the second time. So what story are you going to start telling yourself about your life? What identity are you going to be today when you walk in to your current job, wherever it is that you are, your current home? Are you? I just want you to take on the identity that you want to be and just be her. Because this, you are the main character. This is your movie. Who are you? What are you good at? What do people say about you when they describe you? Your new identity. Not right now, not your old identity. The person you are assuming today. And listening to this, you've already stepped into that new identity because you are already becoming who you want to be. You fill your mind with good stuff. You care about growth. You care about loving yourself. And so you already know what you want to be good at. You already know how you want people to see you. And so be her today and affirm that to yourself. Tell yourself, I will look back on this one day with immense joy that I did it. And I will be so glad I tried and succeeded. Thank you so much for listening today. Tag me in all your social media posts. If you liked this episode, comment what you thought and tell me what things you're manifesting. Tell me what stories change for you today. If you want to get very serious about this identity work and go way more in depth, because this is just a little piece, believe it or not, this is actually step one out of like 50 steps, truly. But I want you to go to my social media, Gorgeous by Lissa on every platform, and click on the Enlightened Babe Academy in my bio and enroll into the deepest identity shifting courses I have ever done. This course tells you about all the signs in the brain and why it creates our reality. The science of our brain has been proven, and you do create your reality and you actually rewire it, and you get a new result every single time. And you will find yourself in new routines with new people, and I've done it, it is absolutely mind-blowing. I will do this work forever. I will repeat this course as many times as I need to, and I will focus on a new area of my life every time because it's addicting in the best way to grow your confidence, to grow your life, to grow your finances, to grow your self love, to grow your health and wealth. Everything has grown in my life, every single area of my life. And that's why it's important to keep this kind of mental hygiene coming into your brain daily and always remind yourself of your power. I am sending you so much love and success. Bye.