How to take back control over your life

You get to decide if an event is positive, negative or neutral. Where are you leaking energy? 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Good morning, gorgeous souls, and welcome back to the Beauty and Positivity Podcast. My name is Alyssa Skinner, and in today's episode, I'm going to help you control your life a little bit better, believe it or not. With that being said, every event is neutral until you assign it a positive or negative meaning. Everything that's happening in your life is neutral. You are assigning it your positive emotion or your negative emotion. Now, if you don't get it, just stick with me. I'll explain it all. I loved this so much. It clicked immediately, but you know, I'm obsessed with this kind of stuff. I'm reading books 24-7. So this is why I liked the 10-day challenge. Because in the 10-day thing was just a period to practice a certain mindset. We needed a finish line, but really we should be doing this every day. Now that 10-day challenge was just to decide whatever happens is for me. It is working out for my highest good. So even when it feels like things are going wrong or you are experiencing negative situations, you are assigning it, it's negativity. So think back to a moment where you lost a job or you went through a breakup or somehow a part of your life crumbled and it felt like, why is this happening to me? This is so uncomfortable. This is incredibly painful. And you probably deemed it as a negative experience. And you shared it with others as a negative experience. But then as time goes on, life goes on, and you realize this was just a stepping stone to an even better situation, a new situation, a situation you did you deemed positive, and you knew that that negative thing had to happen for this positive thing to fruition. We've all had that experience at some point. And so was the original negative experience ever negative at all? Or was it just neutral? It was always falling into place. It was always neutral. We just thought it was negative in that moment, and so we assigned it so it was always just making room for the new, the better, the bigger, and the life more aligned for you. Excuse me. I personally, as we all have, gone through some pretty negative experiences, quote unquote negative. And at the time I deemed them that negative. But then now when I look at my life, all of those things had to happen to get me here. And I know it's cliche, but that is where that saying comes from. I wouldn't be me without all those things happening. I wouldn't be who I am today, right? And if you're not there yet, that's okay. You will be. Um, thank goodness I am finally there, but I didn't think I would be at one point. So, you know, it's very easy to look back on an experience and be like, mm, I could have gone without that. I don't know how that shaped me. So stick with me. This can be easier said than done. Depending on how low the experience was for you. I don't think this can be easily applied to everything. So take what resonates and leave what doesn't. We've all gone through different situations. Not all trauma is the same. I am not a trauma therapist. I just want to disclaim that. Overall, this can be applied to most dumb little things that go wrong in life, and we deem them negative so quickly. And it ruins our own day. But as time passes, it always ends up revealing that it was a good thing. Or we forget about it completely. So was it that negative if we just forgot about it? What happened brought in more good into my life. It always has and it always will. So 2026 is where I make this my new pattern of thought, and I hope you do too. Deciding that everything is neutral. I get to deem it positive or negative. This is why I did the 10-day challenge because I get to decide that thing is bringing good into my life. That thing that appears really shitty is actually going to bring something really good into my life. I am the observer. I'm the creator of my life. I'm living out my life. I'm the main character. I get to choose what is happening in front of me and around me and that it's good for me. And I also get to choose if it's negative for me. I am the chooser. That's your affirmation today. Again, to be clear, this is easier said with all the little minuscule things that we tend to make such a big deal throughout our day-to-day, and it doesn't even matter. So this is great to apply when your boss has a tone with you and it ruins your whole day. Did it need to ruin your whole day? No, you deemed it so negative that it was worth ruining your whole day. We could have just brushed it off and walked away. But you are not in the habit of brushing it off and walking away. You are in the habit of deeming things positive and negative, stamping them as soon as the experience shows up. So eventually you're going to start feeling like life is just one big negative experience. Because if you've listened to my previous episodes, you know that the reticular activating system in our brain seeks out everything in front of us, what we tell our brain is important. So if you're constantly telling your brain, stamp this one positive, stamp this one negative, stamp this one negative, the brain is going to be seeking out the negative because the whole time we're sitting here trying to train our brain through this podcast, through books, through courses, through coaching to seek out the positive, our brain is going to focus on the negative because it threatens your safety. Now I want to remind you, our brain takes in 11 million bits of information per second. You don't have to know what that means. Just remember 11 million bits. 11 million. Your conscious processes 40 to 50 bits. Okay. This is why I don't know if you heard the rumor growing up, I definitely did, we don't have access to our entire brain. I heard that all the time, and then I've heard it was a myth, and I never really fact-checked that, but I'm assuming this is what they meant by that. We are constantly deleting 99% of what we're seeing in front of us. And our brain can't comprehend 11 million bits per second. It can only comprehend 40 to 50 bits, okay? We would explode. So wouldn't you, now that you know this, scientific factual information, thanks to yours truly, wouldn't you want your brain to only process the 40 to 50 bits of positive information out of your day? Don't you think your life would be incredible? You would be the happiest person on earth because 100% of your life would be positive. All 50 bits of information that your brain kept was all the good shit in your life, all the nice things your partner did, all the compliments you did receive that day, the promotion you did receive, the raise you did receive, rather than being like my raise should have been more, my promotion should have been sooner. These are all bits of information that we're choosing to keep and we're stamping positive and negative over and over again. So become aware of what bits of information your brain is keeping, what are your thoughts during the day? Become aware of these things. What are your memories? What are you remembering? Your brain chose to keep those bits of information because all of this will show you what your brain's pattern is, what you have accidentally and subconsciously told your brain was important. A lot of times we don't realize we're telling our brain that the negative is important to please keep the negative because most of us are like, no, I don't want to experience negative, I don't want my brain to keep that, but you keep telling your brain to keep all the negative because it's threatening survival. This is where the ego comes in. The ego is us still. We have an ego and a higher self, but that's another story. And so we think that it's important because a lot of times we're looking for negatives to protect ourselves, to prevent an undesirable situation. And so that would mean your brain is going to find that important because it's linked to your survival, it is linked to your safety. So now your brain is seeking out all the positive, all the possible negative, undesirable situations in order to keep you safe. So let's say in a relationship, you can't stop seeing all the negative things your partner does, all the things you wish they would do. Your brain has deleted over 10 million bits of information regarding your partner, and it's only kept 40 to 50 bits of that information. I know this feels impossible because you are awake, you are conscious, you are a walking conscious mind, and you're taking in life, you're looking around, and you're like, what do you mean I'm deleting 99% of what I'm experiencing? I'm looking, it's all here. I know it feels crazy, but you couldn't possibly know you're deleting 99% because you can only see in front of you your experience. What's in front of you is and in your mind is just the 40 to 50 bits. That's insane. We don't have to comprehend it, just be aware of it. So once your brain finds it's it's important that your partner isn't showing up the way you want them to, that is linked to your safety because no one wants a broken heart, no one wants their feelings hurt. This is an undesirable experience. And so you're protecting your heart, you're going in the survival mode, your brain is only keeping all the time so they didn't do this and they should have done that because this is what your brain is looking for. You've told it that's important to me. It's a very highly emotional experience, and our brain holds highly emotional experiences as a memory, or it completely deletes it altogether. If it's too emotional, too traumatizing, brain deletes it. It is there to protect us. So it might sound like you're not in control and you're like, my brain is just deciding my life, what? But you are the controller. You just haven't figured out how to tap into the controls yet. So how you do that is you start telling your brain what you're looking for. Talk to it like an assistant, talk to it like a friend. I first started talking to my brain as an assistant, an assistant who loves me so much and just wants the best for me. And I would just talk to my brain and go, thank you so much, but I'm no longer energetically available to that, to those thoughts. Thank you though. Love you. Because you want to make sure you're not denying yourself, your brain just loves you so much, you're its entire life. And so make sure it's all in love, but also firm. I love you, but we're not gonna focus on that anymore. Okay, thank you. You can even give it a name if you want. I'm I'm not kidding. So I talk to my brain every single day, and I say everything is gonna go right for us today. I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I'm so excited to see what fun things happen. And your brain is like, okay, let's see where all that proof is today. Like, let's see what can go right. You're the leader. I'm just here to serve you, whatever you say goes. That's how your brain responds. And if it doesn't, if you don't experience that, if you feel like, no, I try to affirm to myself, today's gonna go right and everything's gonna be great, and then my whole day goes to shit, then that tells you you are so caught up in a pattern, you need to do this work even more. It's similar to when people say, I can't meditate, my brain just doesn't shut off. That is why we meditate. Girl, you need meditation more than anyone. So that's what that means. It just means you have been in a pattern of thought for such a long time. It doesn't mean that the affirmation didn't work, it means you need to be consistent. Because what's the alternative? You just stay exactly where you are, and your experience just is whatever it is, life just throws whatever at you, it's all random, and you just experience these things you don't want to experience, and you feel out of control, and you feel like life is happening to you and not for you. What kind of life is that? Really? I know that's not the life you want. I don't know about you, but I have done enough work for this to share with you on this podcast that when I say I'm a lucky girl, things are working out for me, today's gonna go perfect, those things happen. Random, fun things happen to me, random opportunities find me. I can't even tell you, I don't want to share yet, but some random opportunity approached me the other day while I was just out running an errand and I was like, wow, I can't believe I just met that person and they want to do this, this, and this with me. That's amazing. And guess what? Two minutes before running into this person, I was in my head going, hmm, I'm such a lucky girl. And I was affirming to myself how lucky I was, and then I run into a business opportunity. That's insane. So I hope to share one day. If I don't, it didn't work out, but I am hoping it does. Anyways, I'm still mind-blown when these things happen. And I've been doing these things for years. I've been doing this work for years, and anytime something goes right, the excitement is still unmatched. It's still like the first time, every time. When I tell my brain something, I believe it. My brain believes me. When I say everything's gonna go right, my brain goes, Yes, it is. I believe you. My brain and I have built trust with each other. I didn't always have that. So I'll do another episode on how to build trust between you and your brain, or you and yourself, whatever you want to call it, you and your soul, because not everyone has it and everyone deserves it. It took some time, but it is possible. So I'll do a whole nother episode on that. But I want to normalize that I did start at this journey from step one. I started with all my limiting beliefs. Family gave me, teachers gave me, the TV gave me, all the limiting beliefs that were never mine to hold. They were always someone else's, and I took them in as truth because I was just a kid and I believed it. So I started at step one. Last night I was reading a book. It's a Dr. Joe Dispenza book, and it's about quantum physics. And I bought this book seven years ago. I want you to know, I tried reading it when I bought it seven years ago, and it was gibberish. I was frustrated, I was annoyed, I was like, this is so boring. I would never read this. Ew, I just wasted money on this book. I felt defeated because I felt dumb. I wanted to be the kind of person who read books like that. And I just wasn't. I was nowhere close. I just decided I'm not the kind of person who reads these things, and I moved on. And still, people tell me this personal development book in general, this genre, they're so boring. And when I hear that, I'm like, they just haven't reached their journey yet. Because I used to think that too. And now I can't put them down. The information, the words, click immediately. But I'm sharing because I started exactly where everyone else starts. I'm not saying you have to only read personal development. If it's not lining you up, you're just not grasping the information yet. You're not fully understanding that this, these types of books are the fundamentals of life. They enhance our life experience. I want to enhance my life experience. But whatever. We're here to enjoy life. Read the romance book if you like it. I'm just saying, I also started at the beginning where I was like, that is so dumb and boring. But I didn't give up. And it was a long time of me just trying and giving up and trying and giving up, trying to be this person and then just finding evidence that I'm not and I never will be. Why am I doing this? Why am I even trying to read something like that? So I did something, I found something that worked for me instead because the books were not working. I went on YouTube and I typed in motivational video. So if you relate to anything I just said about being at step one in my journey, try this because it absolutely worked for me. I started with YouTube in the car, plugged it in to my radio, and I had an old car at that time. You don't have to plug them in anymore. But I typed in motivational videos, and that's it. I just clicked on a random one and that shit lit me up. Girl, I was so excited to better my life. I was like, I can do anything. It felt so good. And I wasn't trying to be someone I wasn't. It wasn't fake, it wasn't pretend. I wasn't lying to myself because a lot of this work can feel like that in the beginning, right? It feels like we're denying evidence in front of us. But this didn't feel like that. It didn't feel like I was trying to read some book out of my league. I was trying to just have a good morning. I was just trying to have a good day at a job I fucking hated. I was trying to have a good morning in the midst of a life where I had no direction, no career. And I was like, what am I doing with my life? I don't have a degree. I hated doing hair at the time, so that was not an option. And I was just working these random office jobs where I barely had qualifications. I was just getting receptionist after receptionist job, all these different types of companies. And I'm in a relationship at the time with someone whose life's going amazing, and they're a pilot, and everything, everyone they meet, you know, makes their life better. And I loved that, and I was inspired by that, and I wanted that so bad. And instead, I'm just sitting at my apartment by myself drinking two bottles of wine. Like I was in a rough place, okay? And so you look at my life now, you see all the good, you see the result, but the journey was so relatable. And these motivational YouTube videos lit me up. It was just the small step. I told myself that morning, the first motivational I ever heard, I listened to in the car, if I would have told myself, okay, in eight years from now, you are going to be making your dream income. No, actually, I hit my dream income two years ago. And so, in six years, if I was sitting in the car with myself, the first motivational YouTube video I ever typed in, if I was sitting in with my old self, going, your dream income is going to be surpassed, you're gonna manifest a beautiful home remodel, building your dream home, and your husband and you are gonna live in a completely different state, you're gonna have a career, you're gonna be teaching this information, Alyssa. I would have been like, you're crazy, you are insane. Get out of my car. So, anyways, I wouldn't have believed you, but after a couple weeks of listening to those YouTube videos, I would have believed you because that's how good they made me feel. And I listened to them every single day. I remember one morning feeling so hyped, I got out of the car because I finally got to work and I walked into the office and I had just finished a video. I walk in and everyone's in a bad mood. I worked with engineers and architects, so everyone was always stressed out and grumpy all the time. And I didn't know how I got all these badass jobs, by the way. Zero qualifications. That's another episode. I truly had a belief I was worthy in the workplace. So I'll teach you how to manifest whatever you want in life because when something comes so easy, you have a certain belief about that area of your life, and that's why you manifest so easily. But if you're struggling manifesting in another area of life, like money or something, you have to take whatever you believe about the easy part of your life and apply it to the hard part of your life. So that will come. I'll do an episode on that too. So I walked in and everyone was just in a bad mood, and I was like, you can't get me down. I'm feeling good. You guys are bad vibes right now. Like, I don't know about you, but I'm gonna be rich. I don't know about you, but I am like that's how I was feeling. So, all to say, after months of listening to these motivational videos, I started finding people on Instagram, just like little motivational clips, and my algorithm was changing and my life was changing. And I think the first personal development book I finally ever read was You're a Badass by Jen Sincero. And I read that after watching the movie The Secret. So this was my step one, wholeheartedly changed my life within a year. So start there if you have no direction. Go watch The Secret and then read You're a Badass. Um, I also share a ton of books online, so read whatever lights you up and makes you feel aligned. But that is where I started. And so I was a complete different identity. I was in a complete different life. So when I say do this exercise and do this work, it works because the people that knew me 10 years ago have no clue who I am, unless they listen to this podcast, of course. But I just want that to motivate you. I want it to motivate you. You can be a completely different person if you want to be. You can be the same person if you want to be with better life experiences. You can literally have whatever you want. You are the main character in your life. Start taking control, start writing the script, change the script, throw out the old one. I know these are metaphors, but it's true. It really is as simple as a decision. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I'm so grateful I get to share my experience and hopefully motivate you to go after yours because everything is possible. Every successful person who's ever written a book or made a million dollar business started with nothing. Why do you think they all have that in common? Truly. Why did they all start with nothing? That's where you're headed, okay?

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So

SPEAKER_00 22:00

So if you want to learn any specific step-by-step practices that I did to manifest my dream life, go to my Instagram, GorgeousBy Alyssa, click on the link in my bio, and click on the Enlightened Babe Academy. I personally have invested thousands of dollars into courses, coaches, manifestation experts. I changed my life in six months. I thought I was already living a great life, and I was just doing this for fun. I was like, I mean, life can't get any better, right? Or it can only get better, so why not? Here's three grand on a course. Just like, what? I've walked out a completely different person. I didn't even expect that. I just thought I would I would walk away with like one cool fact or something. Anyways, I leveled up and I walked out a new identity. So I'm sharing everything I learned, all the practices I've done. This podcast is just showing you that I I know enough to teach it. I'm like giving you all these fun little tips every single day. But the course is the meat and potatoes. I'm sending you so much love. Thank you so much for listening today. And comment below what you want to hear next. I threw out a couple episode ideas in there. Um, and so let me know which one you want to hear first. I love you so much. Bye.