Breaking an unwanted pattern in your life

This three step process will help you figure out how the pattern started and how to release it

Transcript

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We are going to break that pattern. Don't you worry, girl. Welcome back to the Beauty and Positivity Podcast. My name is Alyssa Skinner. Today's episode is exactly what the title says: Breaking an unwanted pattern in your life. We all have one. We all want to release it. We all wonder wonder if it's possible to even release. Finally, stop experiencing this pattern. It is. It is possible. You have heard me talk about vibration. You are operating at a certain frequency, at a certain vibration, and that vibration you're operating at matches the vibration of the experiences you are bringing into your life. Hard pill to swallow. We've talked about this in previous episodes, so go listen to those. Now, of course, I'm not a therapist. I am not a professional. I am only here sharing my thoughts, my life experiences, what I've learned along the way, how I create my dream life day by day, how I've watched people in my life change because I took my control back. I took responsibility for my vibration and what I was attracting. And I started deliberately creating my life. Now, I don't remember the name of this episode that I did, but it's a podcast episode about how your emotions manifest, not your thoughts. Your thoughts don't manifest, something like that. Go listen to that because I'm really sorry I can never remember the names. Um, there's so many ideas flowing in and out of my head at all times. The notes on my phone is actually insane in the best way, though. So your emotion, as a reminder, from that episode, the emotion you're feeling is attracting experiences into your future. You are activating that emotion to reoccur. So for example, you get cut off in traffic, you're angry, you're operating at a frequency of anger. Like attracts like. But there is absolutely a connection to your soul. Your soul is here to feel, and that's how you are creating. So, in order to break the pattern that you no longer want to experience, let's say you attract the same type of guy over and over again, different guy, same shit, but he just does things maybe even worse than the one before. Or maybe it's different. It's worse, but he does totally different things. Why do I have these karmic relationships? You're asking yourself. Now, I just picked this as an example. I feel like it's common amongst women. Um, we are nurturers, we stay too long. So it that I just picked this just because I have been that girl. I mean, I was like 17 to 20 in a really bad relationship, and I broke the pattern, and I was young. It is hard when you're young because you don't really have your frontal lobe developed, you don't have the critical analytical mind that you have at the age 30 that I am now. So I'm very proud of myself for breaking a pattern at such a young age. I've always been, you know, very wise. So this I was dating a boy, you know, and he was not good for me. When I broke the pattern, I started dating men with goals, good head on their shoulders, smart, intelligent men. Like the amount of love they had to give out of this world. But before that, very embarrassing, absolute gross loser. I mean, I don't even care. He's a loser, he's gross and shameful to I'm ashamed for people that know who it was, because yeah. So it took me a long time to realize, but I just felt all this shame. It was gross to think about, and that I would stay that long. And it's so common, unfortunately. That's why I'm gonna use this example and help you break it and get out. So you must identify first what is your root belief? What do you believe to be true that keeps getting you in these relationships, in these situations? So I would guess my belief maybe I didn't do a lot of work around this. I kind of just left it behind me. Sometimes that's possible. You don't have to heal everything, you can just change your identity, snap of a finger, and that's what I did. But I'm guessing my belief then being in an abusive relationship was oh well, abuse comes at all different levels. Mine's not that bad. He didn't try to like you know, end me. So maybe until he gets that bad, then I should probably be concerned. Absolutely not. Or he only did that when he was drunk, and it's not really him. No, absolutely not. Your brain will make all these excuses. Or he's sorry, he won't do it again, he wants to be better. No, no, no, no, he doesn't. He does, but he can't. He's shown you time and time again, girl, he can't. He does not hold the capacity you hold. So honestly, I don't even know if my parents know I was in an abusive relationship, so I don't share this a lot because I truly did just like change identities. I don't need to talk about it, I don't need to heal. I just decided I was way out of his league and I deserve the type of man I'm with now. So I had so much shame around it because my parents raised me so well with such high standards. Maybe you're the same, maybe you're like, how did I even end up here? But being raised so strict made me want to rebel. It made me want to go date the bad boy. Gross, but whatever. I get it. You're young, I was 17. It made me want to go do bad things. So it made me the total opposite. It was too strict, and that taught me some things for parenthood, but no one's perfect. I'll make my own mistakes, and my kids will do different parenting than me. So I think my root belief, it could have been so many different things, but I did watch adults in my life get abused for far too long. So that probably showed me a sense of normalcy. And to identify the root belief, I'll give you another example because maybe you're not experiencing this around relationships. I had a pattern in my life where I was either doing really good in the love department or I was doing really good in the money department. Never both. I've shared this in a previous episode. I have a series of podcast episodes all about money, and I talk about it in one of those episodes. And it just came up one day. I was sitting at my vanity and I was like, holy shit, I think I can only have love or money. Oh my god, it was an epiphany. And I'm like, my whole past is flashing before my eyes now. I'm remembering every movie I saw. Oh yeah, she's with a rich husband, but he cheats on her all the time. Oh yeah, we have lots of money, but no love. Oh, she finally left him and she went and dated the sweet guy, but we don't have a lot of money. We live a very humble life. No, that is low-key why I don't like rom-coms, but anyways, every single movie teaches you subconsciously you can have love or money. You can be with the rich in the rich marriage, but there's not gonna be a lot of love there. Or you're gonna be in so much love and such a humble, perfect little happily ever after. But are you gonna be in your dream home driving your dream car with your dream, you know, lifestyle? No, that's not in the movies. So I'm like, I want that, I want both. I want to be loved and I want to be rich as fuck. So I started thinking, who is the epitome? Who can I look at that has lots of love and lots of money, at least to my knowledge, right? So I trained my brain to start finding those examples. And I had been doing so much work, like you're probably one of these people, since you're here listening to this. If you are doing the reading and meditating and you're listening to these episodes, you're doing the personal development, then you are probably going through this spiritual healing and you understand that you create your reality, including consciously and on autopilot. On autopilot just means subconscious, you don't know you're doing it, and so you are able to dig deep and shed light on what this reveal, what the true root belief is, and you can determine what you're unconsciously believing. So if you're here doing that work, this might feel easier for you to do, and you're gonna be like, Yeah, I can absolutely have whatever I want. And you understand you can train your brain to look for those things. You buy the red card, suddenly you start seeing them everywhere. You can consciously do that. Second, neutralize the emotion that this pattern triggers in you because again, if you observe it and you feel emotion around it, it's gonna continue. Like attracts like. But if you observe this pattern with no judgment, it happens again, and you just take a step outside of your body for a second and you look at this problem as if it's not yours. You're just looking at a board game, and this character on the board game is having this problem, it's not affecting you because it doesn't appear to be yours. You're just looking from a third-party view and observing it. Feel neutral, just go, hmm, interesting. I I can see this happening, interesting. And don't feel upset, don't feel happy, don't feel anything, just feel neutrality. Notice what's happening. Exactly how you feel looking at that game piece, thinking this doesn't affect me. I just feel neutral looking at this poor game piece. Go through that. Aim to look at your patterns from that third party perspective and analyze it. What does this mean? Does this feel good? Does it feel bad? It's okay because here's the facts. Look at it from the factual information. Next, your physical routine, you must take inspired action. You must respond differently than you normally would have. Change your daily habits, your physical environment, the routine. Something you would have said in the past, do not do that now because you're going to repeat the pattern. You must break the pattern by responding differently. Inspired action. Act differently. It's very important. You step into the new identity of no longer being available emotionally to this pattern. Act accordingly. Act in that new identity who no longer holds this pattern. If you're no longer willing to entertain that belief that you can only have love or money, then your life is going to shape itself to that. You are like coding your life. It's like, okay, I'm putting in this new code. I no longer accept only being able to have one or the other. I have both. That's that. New coming, new, new coding, override, new life, right? Next, express your gratitude, shift your energy, and think about something that feels so good. It can be completely unrelated. I think a lot of people get stuck in thinking they have to find something in the situation they're experiencing that they're grateful for. Absolutely not. You're not enjoying the situation, don't force yourself to find some sort of good in it. If you can, great. I'm not saying don't do that. I think that's wonderful. But I don't think it has to be related at all. I'm so grateful I have such a good relationship with my mom and my dad. I'm so grateful I have the best friend to support me through this. I'm so grateful I have a home, I can sleep safe at night. I'm so grateful for X, Y, and Z. Something that makes you feel lit up. It can be so unrelated to the pattern because like attracts like. When you are focused on feeling a type of emotion, you're experiencing more of that emotion in your future. That's why it does not have to be related to the pattern. If you are your car breaks down and you're on the highway and you're like, great, of course this would happen. And you're like, okay, well, let me find some gratitude. I guess I'm grateful I even have a car. Like, yeah, that's great if you can do that. But you don't have to. That's like going to your garden and saying there's no weeds, there's no weeds, and you're staring at weeds. It's just ignoring the situation. It's ignoring the experience. And so you don't want to feel like you're lying to yourself. I do think that will create tension between you and yourself. You can't lie to yourself. Your brain is smarter than that. So I think it's important to just find a situation you truly feel gratitude for, something that's undeniably like, oh, that's such a good memory, or I feel so good when I think about that, so grateful when I remember this. Step into that feeling for 17 seconds or longer. If you can do 60 seconds, do it for 60 seconds, but a minimum of 17 seconds. I've shown you girls the list of my books that I read religiously over and over again. They're linked in my Amazon. You can just um hit the search bar and type in books and you'll see the list pop up. I have read Ask and It is Given at least four times. It's by Esther Hicks, and I've also read all her other books. There's like a whole series, and I read them all last year, and I loved them. So she states 17 seconds or more means you will you just created another experience in the future of that. It's highly likely you're manifesting that experience again if you think and focus for 17 seconds or more. At least a situation very similar. That's why it's important to focus on the things you love. But if you think about how rich you are, how much love is around you, and remember it's your birthright to experience love and abundance just for simply being here on earth. Think about that as long as you can. Because that's right now you get to have all those things. You're not different. There's no pie in the sky giving someone more than you. You're not loved a little bit less than someone who does have the yacht. Like it's just the flow of abundance that you have cut off. You have accidentally, unconsciously cut off your flow from source based on your beliefs. Beliefs that were given to you for the most part. And if you did experience something negative like this pattern, it became difficult to not expect that pattern to happen again, especially in a bad relationship. Of course, eventually this becomes your partner's identity and you start receiving the same thing over and over again. And it's really hard to get out of that cycle. So if you remember, you can have whatever you want, and you just have to open that flow of abundance open again. You can cut that flow back open. You will absolutely step into that, and that will get easier and easier. You've interrupted the pattern. You have to walk yourself through it mentally. It is always given. And if it hasn't been given, it's because you have a belief that it will not be given to you for some reason. Everyone's reasons differently. You have to dig deep. What did someone tell you one day? When did you decide this thing was true? What evidence do you have that this thing is true? What evidence do you have that thing this thing is not true or doesn't have to continue? So as a reminder, it is absolutely your birthright. Each individual deserves every desire they have. We are the ones with the power and the free will to accept. So, of course, consciously, you're probably thinking, I do accept, of course I want that, of course I want more money, of course I want more love. Like, yeah, I accept it and it's still not coming. Subconsciously, you have not accepted it yet. And I dive into this in my academy really deep. I completely help you rewire your brain. But for now, remember your birthright abundance and do these practices, walk through the step by step the next time you experience a pattern you want to release. Let me know if you try it. And if you do see the pattern interrupted, I'm so excited to hear your stories. I love you so much. I'm sending you love and success. Bye.