The voice of doubt in your head

this episode helps you normalize having the voice of worry or doubt in your head, how to tame it , as well as live with it. 

Transcript

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Hello and welcome back to the Beauty and Positivity podcast. My name is Alyssa Skinner. I'm so excited to be back. I took a very long, much needed vacation home to San Diego, California. I spent about 10 days there, and of course, I came home to a laundry list of things to do back in the grind, but I'm feeling much better today. I took about two days off after coming home, and those are the moments where I just love working for myself because if I want to take two weeks off, I can, right? So I did, and it was amazing, and I really am glad to be back. I think I'm finally back to Tennessee time zone. That is very difficult, if I do say so myself. So I'm really happy to be here with you today. I've received some DMs on today's topic, and I always go through messages and I take notes on things that you girls want to hear. So today we're gonna talk about the voice in your head, aka doubt, worry, fear, and how to handle it. So if you are struggling with that tiny voice in your head when you think about your manifestations or your goals or something risky that you want to do, I want you to think about this. The voice in your head has been the same for most likely your entire life. It is on a default setting. And that default setting is the second something excites you, you immediately think of what could go wrong. You immediately think of what if. Or even the second you receive something, you think of all the ways you could lose it. I know it might seem like you don't have control over this voice, but you do. Because it is your body, it is your mind, it is your choice. That choice is not easy, but it is simple. The voice in your head might not literally be yours, but that doesn't mean you can't tell the voice if it's welcome or if it should go. And what I mean by the voice not might not be literally your voice, a lot of times it's our parents or a teacher or a guardian. Someone at some point said something to us and told us it was truth. It told us the things that could happen to us in the world. Someone told us to be careful because things could go wrong, because you could fail. And then we chose to repeat that in our head over and over and over again. So it didn't start as our voice, but it became our voice. And of course, most of the time, our parents are protecting us out of love. This might sound like, well, don't quit your job. Don't just go all in, make sure you can support yourself, you know, just build your little business on the weekends in your free time. Or just take it one step at a time. Don't take on too much too fast, you know. What if things don't work out? How are you gonna support yourself? You can't quit your job, you've been there this long. Someone else's voice is in your head, protecting you of loss, fear, scarcity, lack, while also telling you to focus on loss, fear, scarcity, lack, right? They are literally telling you to focus on that on accident, simply because they want to protect you. They don't want you to experience pain or loss. But it's not their fault because someone did that to them growing up. And so they think this is loving you, they think this is protecting you, even though it's actually harming you, it's causing more harm than good, unintentionally, of course. Again, this is this comes from love, but you know, these topics aren't talked about. And so that's why I love to discuss it with people because I just like to get into the brain, you know, how does our brain process information? Your parents are telling you not to go after something risky because you could fail, and your brain goes, Oh, I could be a failure. It's not safe for me to go after my dream life, right? Who knows how our brain is processing it? It's subconscious. That's why it takes all this work. So if I have a passing thought of what if my little sister gets hurt? What if she's not super aware of her surroundings, or you know, she's tiny, she's small. Maybe I could help protect her by reminding her to, you know, look both ways and XYZ. I remind myself, this is my thought, not hers. This is not a scenario happening right now. Of course, anything's possible, but if everything is possible, doesn't it mean it's possible she could remain safe her entire life? That might seem more difficult for you to accept at first because you've been told the world is scary and dangerous, people are not safe, be on guard at all times. I mean, look at how trendy true crime is right now. Quick note on that. Do you really think true crime is healthy for your brain? Do you think it helps you thrive in life? You know, food for thought. And physical safety aside, let's talk about money because most of you know by now I released the Money Babe Academy. That is to help you tame the voice in your head. The Money Babe Academy helps you go into the space where the part of you, aka the voice, or another word would be your ego, right? The part of you that's protecting you, the part of you that keeps reminding you, what if the part that keeps coming up, you get to have a face-to-face discussion with this voice. Now, that might sound crazy, but if you've done the academy, you already know what I'm talking about. I did this work myself because, of course, I test everything out first to make sure it works, I make sure I like it and I complete it. Or it's work that I have done myself, practices that have changed my life, my identity. You know, I follow a ton of manifestation coaches. I mean, I could name five right now, like Tony Robbins, Catherine Zinquina, Joe Dispenza, and so many more. So that is just one way that we can change the voice in our head. We start listening to people who are feeding our brain good, who are helping us focus on the right side of the stick. We're gonna go deeper into that. So if the voice is telling you your physical safety is at jeopardy, or your money is unstable, it's your safety is at stake because your money, or your partner's not safe or loyal, or honest, or your job is XYZ, your body is XYZ, your friends are XYZ. Whatever the voice is repeatedly telling you, I teach this in my enlightened babe academy as well, it is simply your ego. This is your survival, it is the human part of you meant to keep you alive. This voice is just doing its job. In fact, it's doing exactly what it's meant to do. This is a part of your system, and a part of your system is keeping you alive. And so this podcast isn't meant to make this, you know, demonize this voice or make you deny a part of yourself. We all have an ego, but we also all have our highest self. So our highest self, or our soul, you could say, I use them intertwiningly. Your soul is not worried about your safety, it actually has tunnel vision straight ahead for love and joy. That's it. And that's where the crazy ideas and dreams come from is your higher self. The amount of money that you desire to have. Your soul understands this brings you a sense of freedom or safety. Your soul understands that your dreams bring you a sense of peace and gratitude. Your soul only wants love, joy, gratitude. It wants to expand those good feelings, and so having that new car expands gratitude. It is okay to want materialistic things because of the vibration it puts you in. Your soul understands that your dreams bring you peace, or the love and marriage that you desire so badly. Your soul understands that that safety or comfort of having someone to do life with brings you peace, freedom, safety, and love. That's what you're here to experience. Or the house, or the boat, or the group of friends that you dream of. All of that good, all of that excitement is your higher self lit up inside of you. It's your soul's tunnel vision, and your soul knows it's possible. All the things that make you feel good that you daydream about is exactly what you were meant to have here. It is not random. Your soul knows you're meant to receive in life. That's actually one of your biggest roles is to receive. And you're not meant to constantly work and grind, you're meant to pause and receive the fruits of your labor. But we are doing life on earth with many other people around us, different upbringings, different beliefs, different traumas, different life experiences, different wisdom, different successes. Other people around us affect us, good and bad, through highs and lows. One day I decided no one's life experience was going to affect me so heavily unless it was their success. I stayed focused on their good and whatever they had, I would let inspire me. So when you feel envious of someone because they have something that you want so bad, you must feel happiness for them because you cannot receive something that you don't wish upon someone else. You can't receive something in the vibration of rejecting that same thing for someone else. And so feel gratitude for them that they have received whatever it is that you want. You must feel happy for them that they have achieved that level and recognize that they are showing you it's possible. This is a good thing. When you see someone have what you want, they are a human just like you. They are just showing you absolutely 100% possible. It is possible to make $100,000 a month. It is possible to live in the $8 million mansion. There's a family living in that mansion, and it's their normal. That kid is growing up thinking it's normal. That's actually a specific goal I'm working on right now is making my brain and body feel safe to receive a mansion. Whatever mansion I want. It's just a number, it's just an energy. So it is possible to have the friend group who's loyal and trustworthy and who loves you. It's possible that you find your dream partner who is safe, who doesn't abandon you in the moments you're not perfect, who doesn't judge you in your lowest moments. It's possible to travel the world flying first class. I have seen so many people live a life that I desire, and I see it as inspiration. And I add it to my list of manifestations, things I'm bringing in. And it's so beautiful that someone just like me, another person who is just doing their best, because not every person who has all the things you desire is a trust fund baby. A lot of them are actually people who have worked really hard from the ground up. That's like every personal development book ever. They started with nothing. And so I started doing this at a very early stage in my journey. Girls that looked the way I wanted to look, I would feel happy for them. Like, wow, you get to be confident every day. What a feeling! Like, that's amazing. People that made the amount of money that I wanted to make. I'm like, I would watch my favorite influencers fly first class, and I was like, wow, that's gotta feel so good. Like, what a feeling of worthiness and just peace. Like you have a bed to sleep in as you fly to Europe, that's amazing, and it's inspiration. And I used to get that little voice of doubt thinking, wow, flying first class is probably so far away for me. I mean, if it even ever happens, right? But I changed the voice once I became aware of it. The second those thoughts come, you you you switch it, you reframe it, you become aware of it. And you are aware of it. That's why you've asked for this episode. And so when you hear the voice, you talk to it and you say, actually, it doesn't have to be that way if I don't want it to be. First class doesn't have to be that far away. I've just been told that it's hard to afford first class, or I have to wait and hope I'm the lucky person that gets the free upgrade, right? Or I've just been told that all men cheat and lie. Since when is that true? Since when did you start believing that? So just talk to the voice because at some point the belief was neutral, and then you took it as truth and you made it mean something, but that means you have the power and the control to reframe it again. And we all have that voice of doubt. There have been, there's probably always going to be that small level of fear, especially if you're going after something, or the nerves that resurface when you receive something and you suddenly become very afraid to lose it, or you're worried, wondering if you're capable of even holding on to it and questioning your worth of having it, aka imposter syndrome. Fear is a human emotion, so it's likely not going anywhere. Hate to break it to you, it's not. So my advice is that you stop living life waiting for fear to go away. Stop living life being worried about what if. It does nothing for you. Go listen to my episode Faith in Fear, okay? It does nothing for you. You can either daydream and feel excited or stress about something that's literally not even happening in front of you right now. Because you're likely stressing of the potential of that thing happening. It's always a scenario we make up in our heads, it's never reality in front of us. Very rarely. That is the voice. And again, go listen to Faith and Fear, the episode on that, because both are asking you to believe something that's not even real. So if you're gonna believe something that's not real, at least let it be the side of the stick that you want. It's always one stick. Faith and fear are one stick. What end of the stick are you focusing on? Because imagine if you stopped being so afraid of failure, and I told you, you can go do XYZ, you'll never fail. I have this magic wand, you'll never fail at anything you do, just go for it. And then imagine the confidence you would have. And then at the end, you achieved all those things, and I said, by the way, I was lying, this isn't even magical, is a stick. I just showed you which end of the stick to focus on. Most of the time, we don't go after things because we're focused on the wrong side of the stick. The worst case scenario, a totally made-up scenario. If you quit your job to go build a business, the worst case scenario is you get another job. And in your mind, you're probably like, well, people are struggling to find a job right now. That may be true for someone else. It does not have to be true for you. It does not have to be true for them. Hold your metaphorical stick in front of you and ask yourself, what side of the stick am I focused on? Because if you're focused on it's so hard to get a job, yes, you are correct. If you focus on people just really like me, I get hired on the spot pretty much every interview I've ever done. That's what's gonna happen for you. It's all the same stick, right? So assume what it is that you want, and that's the voice that will get louder over time, right? You are a creator, you are literally shaping your reality every single day with the thoughts and emotions and assumptions you carry. So when that voice turns on in your head and you begin thinking about something so important to you, you must decide. I go after things in spite of worry. I go after things that I want in spite of fear. That's what courage is. Courage does not exist without fear. Courage literally does not exist without fear. Take that in. Whatever you're doing scared, that's where the courage comes in. Because you're doing it fearful, you're doing it scared. It's a part of the process. They are two that make up one and they make you strong. And at the end of your journey, when you look back and you succeeded, you feel so fucking proud because of the fear that you had, and you did it anyways. I built a business from the ground up. I quit all my jobs, I was not prepared. Zero logical thinking because that's what the books I was reading told me to do. And I could have been like, oh yeah, that's great, that's inspiring, but like that's not responsible in real life. No, no, no. I can't actually do that. No, I did it. I did exactly what the book said. And you can too. Just do it. It's literally just do it, just go after it and only focus on achieving it. Nothing else. Your brain will go back and forth, right? It's not point A to point B in a straight line. You're gonna go up and down and up and down, confident, not confident, confident, imposter syndrome. It's gonna go up and down, but that's okay because you are feeling all of the feelings, and so you get to choose what you're feeling. Stop focusing on what if. When the voice comes on, you are going to tame it. And I've shared this affirmation before in previous episodes. You're going to tell that part of your brain, thank you so much for loving me. I know you're protecting me, but you're not needed for this right now. It begins to feel like that part of you is your assistant, and your assistant is just there to give you a suggestion. They are not the boss, they are your assistant giving you a suggestion. And that part of you keeps you alive, it keeps you safe, and it also keeps you in worry and fear, but it's simply your assistant, and so you must love your assistant, thank your assistant, because it's a part of you. And there is no self-love if you deny a part of you. You must love all of yourself, even the parts that are scared, even the parts that made mistakes, love every single part of you because you are doing the best you can in every single moment as who you are in that moment. And you are growing and expanding every single moment. You are learning through your ups and downs, your human experiences. When you get in an argument with someone and you say something horrible, and an hour later you feel regret, that emotion passes, and you feel regret because you've grown and expanded in just a few moments. Your growth is constant and your expansion is constant. So love every single part of you that made mistakes or spent too much time in fear because the that version of you still got you here today. It still got you to the day that you were excited and motivated. It still got you wherever you are in life right now. We are always growing and expanding, and things always work out in the end when we look back on our life. We see that it's always worked out. That every single version of you was strong enough to get you here. So accept all of you and just love the part of you that's protecting you. Love the voice that comes up and fills you with doubt, and just thank it. Say, thank you for protecting me. Um, you're not needed right now for this. Over time, if you're gonna be a master at this, just like you became a master at stressing and worrying. Are you a master stressor or worrier? Because you did that to yourself. You let your assistant run the show. So take the show back, thank it, love it, put it back in its place. The voice has been on the same program your whole life. You are changing the program now, and this is how you change the program. Through those moments, you catch yourself the second it starts happening again. You say, Okay, actually, we're not doing that anymore. We're on a new program now. I am no longer energetically available to that old identity. It's become so easy for me. And I started on day one, just like you are starting on day one. Imagine day 365, you're gonna be a new person. Day 30, you're gonna be a new person, and you're gonna have much different experiences in life. So I hope this helped you work through any voice of doubt that pops up. You can always listen to these episodes, by the way, over and over again because naturally we forget things. We need that reminder. That's why I call it mental hygiene, because you will go back on autopilot, you skip one day, two days, two days turns into three days, you're gonna slip right back into that old identity and you don't even realize it. So I do it too. So we have to read, listen to podcasts, do this work every single day, even if you've already listened to the episode. Give yourself, give your brain that mental hygiene, that reminder, and you'll always hear it differently the second time and the third time. I want you to be so sick of it where you're like, yeah, I know, I know, I've mastered this already, Alyssa. Thank you. I want you to get to that point. So you should have proud pride in yourself when you do scary things, and just have faith and certainty in anything you do. I am sending you so much love, and let me know in the comments if this resonated with you. Bye!