Episode 4 - Sasha-Lee Saunders

Episode 4 welcomes Sasha-Lee Saunders to the podcast. 

Sasha is an international singer and burlesque performer with a career of over 10 years. Originally from New Zealand, she took a chance by moving to Australia for an opportunity and that is where everything changed. From small shows, to musicals like Aladdin and now Pretty Women, she has built a career of taking chances and saying yes to things that feel right.

https://www.instagram.com/misssashalee?igsh=MW9xbGlrM2wyMXMzeA==

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Curiosity Unpacked. Conversations Beyond the Surface. Exploring the moments, decisions, and experiences that shape who we are, not just what we do. Honest stories, deeper questions, and the journeys behind it all. Episode four welcomes Sasha Lee Saunders to the podcast. Sasha is an international singer and burlesque performer with a career of over ten years. Originally from New Zealand, she took a chance by moving to Australia for an opportunity, and that is where everything changed. From small shows to musicals like Aladdin and now Pretty Woman, she has built a career of taking chances and saying yes to things that just feel right. Thank you so much for being here.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

I'm so happy to be here. Fresh off a flight, but so happy to be here.

SPEAKER_03 0:50

Yeah, um, you've traveled a little bit further than um the first three guests, so I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Hey, hey, happy to make, happy to make the journey. No, it's on the way, and you know, we get to sit down and chat. This was this was nice.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

Yeah, it's exciting. It worked out. I couldn't believe how well it worked out, to be honest. When I messaged you, I was like, I'll just take a shot, and she probably won't reply. I won't even see this. And you're like, oh, actually, I'm gonna be in Brisbane for a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

You want to talk about me? Yes, please. Okay, let's go.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

Um, so yeah, I'm really excited. I think it'll be um yeah, a space that, as I was sort of explaining to you before, a lot different than where I sit in my life. So I think it's really interesting and um yeah, it'd be good to get into your journey.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

So absolutely, let's dive in.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Yeah, I'm excited. So um take me back right to the beginning uh when you first started, maybe it was as a child, teenager, whenever it was that you first started your creative journey.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

I am a South African, so my family, it is full of music, number one, food, love, and just like I constantly remember joyous celebrations of singing and dancing. Like there was always a karaoke, someone had a karaoke machine, so the microphones were always out. So, like ever since I was born, I was like grooving to music and like singing, and I didn't really think I was great at these things, but I could always entertain everyone. And so, like, I would be dressed up, I would be getting the cousins together, we'd be doing Christmas plays, you're playing the fucking prince, you you know what I mean. You put whatever you find, tissue box cover, put that on your head, and now we're the three wise men. Okay, so like it was always a performance, always like that. Was family time for me, and that was always just a part of who I was. So, yeah. I mean, growing up, I knew academics was a thing. My parents were so hard on me, South African, they were like, strict, go to school, get good grades. And then in my final year of high school, I was literally about to, I got accepted into uni for like to become a teacher. Yeah, my sister was a teacher, my mum was a teacher, and then I did a musical in my final year of school, and I absolutely loved it. And I slayed. So I really got an itch for it. Then my teacher was like, you know what? New Zealand, where I was raised, it's just like a little bit too small for me. You need to go, you need to go uh bigger and better. Yeah. So I was like, absolutely, yeah, I do. So I I just I don't know, I like auditioned for a school. I don't even know what the audition was. I don't know what I presented to them, but I flew over to Sydney from New Zealand.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Oh wow, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

Auditioned for the school, my mom literally looked at me, she's like, girl, you are never gonna make it. And I was like, Don't be like this, I could be the one. So yeah, there was like definitely a lot of doubt and everything, but I just kind of bit the bullet and I knew in my gut that I needed to kind of get out of New Zealand, and just yeah, like I didn't feel like I was grateful to be raised there, but I didn't feel tied down to it. So obviously came to Australia and then like studying. I was surrounded by constant creatives. It just I was born, you know, I was really born again. So yeah, I just I started there, I did musicals, and this is um I uh my first love is always musicals, but I ran away with the circus for a little bit, and then that's kind of how I found bill esque. Um, and this is obviously another rebirth for me and myself to find another layer of who I am as a performer, which gets to culminate all my skills, you know. I I in my bill as performances, I love to just you know look at who I am, who I was, and who I am now. So yeah, I think that's kind of where I'm at. Yeah, awesome. And now back in the musical world again, uh, which is uh interesting.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

Yeah, I love it. So um, did you perform at all growing up?

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Yeah, I mean, like performing wise for the family.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Then my mum was obsessed with borum dancing. Don't ask me why. I think she saw it in like a newspaper or something. We went to like a 75-year-old woman, she taught us how to do a cha-cha. Next minute we were doing line dancing because she was into that, and I was like, Yeah, absolutely. So I was like, line dancing, I was doing borum dancing, we were doing like pageants at one point. So, like, I don't know, it was just kind of like truly from a young age, like thrown into like beauty, glamour, this idea of um I don't know, performance. And yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:46

Do you think deep down there was always, you know, as you said, that yeah, move towards academics and you were gonna go to university. But do you feel like subconsciously deep down there was probably something in you that was always gonna go down the creative path, at least at some point?

SPEAKER_00 6:01

I I I always knew I would be surrounded by music and everything. So that was never a doubt. But performing-wise, I genuinely didn't think that I could be like a performer and do a job and like pay bills, like I thought it was just like a fun thing that you did on the side. Yeah, because I did borrow dancing um while I was, you know, studying and stuff like this. So I it was always like an extracurricular activity. It was never you can make money out of this. Yeah. So when when that clicked, I was like, oh, oh, damn. Yeah. And then the brutal reality of it is that you don't always make money from this job.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

You don't.

SPEAKER_03 6:46

Yeah, I guess that's a good transition to get into it. Because that's probably one of the biggest parts for me that's interesting is um, like you said, there was obviously that that moment that was a big turning point to come over to Australia and that sort of kicked everything off. But I imagine there's a hell of a lot of hard moments through the entire journey, right?

SPEAKER_00 7:05

It's crazy. Um, I don't know, like I like we must be kind of psychopathic. Like just a little bit like not well because we keep coming back to this crazy world. But I promise you, like I have tried so many other things. Like my resume is actually hilariously long. It goes from like suit work to like at one point I was hiring and firing Santas for all of New South Wales. At one point, I was running, I was like the New South Wales coordinator for silent discos.

SPEAKER_03 7:43

How is that even a job?

SPEAKER_00 7:45

I made it a job. Okay. I tried, I tried everything. I tried everything. I was a bartender. This is also a great skill. I love this. It was kind of coyote ugly styles. I would be like shaking a shaking a cocktail, but also singing a song at the same time and giving them a show, you know. So this was cool. I got to combine the two there. But the yeah, I think the hardships are 110% going to be there. And I think in everyone's life, it happens in some instance. Yeah, it's not, you know, just performers go through it. But our hardships are pretty, pretty dark, I would say. But our highs are incredibly high. So I think for me, like I'm real realistic with this and understanding that I will have this, and I'm very grateful for like my support team around me, you know. I I'm very, very grateful for my parents, you know. Whenever I need, I'm like, hey guys, I need to come stay over. And they got me. So um hardships are okay when you have good people around you. Yeah. And yeah, you definitely are going to go through them. I will like this. Is the thing, is like I went, like I was in Aladdin, 2019, Singapore, Marina Bay Sands. We were in Cela V, like the bar Saila V. It's like just the top of the Marina Bay Sands, like little trio boat thing, fireworks, and like I just remember like I will never have such a happier moment than this right now. Like, this is incredible. And then like we came back and I had no job. And it was like within like seven days, my life just like changed, and I had money, and that wasn't the thing, but like the devastation of like not having a job, not fulfilling myself by performing, like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:45

And the reality is, like, I mean, I don't want to speak for you, but I imagine there's probably more no's than there are yeses, right?

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Oh, honey, honey, honey. I literally just had two last week. I had two last week. We're still going through that therapy, but like, yeah, you get you definitely get used to it. I mean, I I did modeling for a little bit. This was the best thing for me because I can look at a photo of myself and feel absolutely nothing anymore. You know what I mean? Like, people are like, oh my god, you could never post that photo of me. I couldn't give a fuck. Yeah, post it because my my tolerance to people character. Yeah, like I would see photos of myself on boulevards and be like, what the hell? Why would they choose that photo? But I just had to like work through this in my own mental. So yeah, I've been through enough no's now that it doesn't hurt as much. Yeah, but like I got the no from Moulin Rouge like two weeks ago. Okay, this hurt, this really hurt. But I'm also at the point in my life where I'm like, fuck it, you don't want me. Yeah, yeah. Okay, big bite, and also maybe the universe has got something, yeah, something better in store for me and something more along the lines of what I'm supposed to be doing in my life right now.

SPEAKER_03 10:57

I think that's a really healthy outlook on it. Oh my gosh. You'd have to have that.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Yeah, it's taken me a long time to get here for sure. Yeah. Um, and to really understand that and not just say the words, but to really feel it, feel it. I think this is so important to build this tolerance up because you're gonna get no's for things that you thought you were perfect for. Yeah, you know?

SPEAKER_03 11:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

So that's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 11:23

Yeah, and I guess it's it's probably all the perspective, right? Because like you said, like I'm sure those things like in Singapore, you can call back to that and go, well, how good was that? Yeah, that might come again. A hundred percent. It's gonna come again.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

You have to have those life moments that you can tap into, and that's it. You have to go and experience these things.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

And if you don't go out and try it, how are you ever gonna know?

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

So yeah, for me, I can tap back into some really freaking good core memories. Out of my 30 years of being on this earth, I'm like, you've made some good ones, girl.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

Yeah, yeah. And do you think that when do you think that I guess switch in mindset probably came for you in terms of being able to be a little bit more reflective of the of the good and not always just the bad?

SPEAKER_00 12:07

Do you think you've always had it, or do you think it's I think, yeah, like I think my my mum has said this like I do, I do kind of always focus on the positive. It's always kind of been something I I have personally just had. But in saying that there are so many moments where I am my own worst, you know what it is. It's never gonna be perfect, you know. Like I put on a bra the other day at Pretty Woman, and it's it's somebody else's bra. And I was just like, oh, the cup size is a little bit better, fitting for me, so like maybe this is good, but the it was way too tight for me. Yeah, so I'm looking at the mirror and I'm like, the things I was saying to myself in my head, I was like, oh girl. So I have these moments, but yeah, more often than not, my mind is kind of rarely trained and programmed to focus on the positive. Yeah, no, because there's so much fucking negative around. Yeah, there's so much, you know. And even if you try be positive, the negative will still try and come and get you. It'll still try. So I'm just like trying to be in my happy little bubble. Um, until I really have to deal with things, then I'll deal with it.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

No, um take me back. Was there a moment, I guess? Maybe it is that that Singapore example you use, but one where you had that distinct moment where you go, oh shit, I've I've made it here.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

Or uh uh yeah, this one is so easy because it's another one about my mom. I think I got mummy problems. Um so my mom said to me, I I got accepted into the school to go study.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

Um unpacked my bags. I'm like, Mom, I need to go do this. She's like, Oh, we're gonna do this. It's so expensive. I'm like, I don't know, we'll figure it out. I'll slave like a dog. I need to just do this. She looked me in the eye and she said, Sasha, you'll never make it.

SPEAKER_03 14:00

Wow. That's brutal.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

Now, I have to preface this word. My mom is like tough motherfucker love. Like she loves me so much, but she obviously never wants to see me get hurt. Yeah. And she knew she knew what this world was, and she knew that like it was not gonna be all sunshine and roses, like I was thinking it was gonna be. And I looked at her and I said, girl, my life has not been sunshine and roses, you know. My my whole childhood, multiple things, you know, that I wouldn't say normal childhood. So I I had already been through things. I thought I can do this. And the fact that she was like stopping me, I thought she didn't trust that I could do it.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Fast forward last year, I take them on a Euro trip, and then she's sitting in the audience of the Humbog theatre, and she is like, I can just see her beaming at me, and I was doing velvet in Hamburg, uh just absolutely beaming, and then I walked out after that because that was opening night. I walk out and she looks me in the eye and she says, I take it back.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

Yeah, wow.

SPEAKER_00 15:18

What I said to you, I take it back. That was like the moment I was just like, oh shit. Yeah, that was pretty, pretty incredible. That one, and then also probably Aladdin opening night in New Zealand. Yeah, I was gonna ask that about yeah, that one was pretty like core memory. Like my grandma was still alive at the time, and I don't know how I wrangled about 17 tickets because I had friends and my family. Like I could see them in the like second and third row, and to be a part of Aladdin in my hometown, like in this, it was at the Civic Theatre, like this theater I'd gone to so many times with a kid. So, yeah, that was like another pinch me bucket moment. Like really gratitude. It's like one tear coming down, like actress worthy. It was beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

That's incredible. That's incredible. Yeah, I was gonna ask about the sort of going back home and um what that's like. And was that the only time you've performed back home?

SPEAKER_00 16:23

I think I have gone back, I I have gone back a few times, and I actually like tried to start up like kind of like an education for kids kind of thing, but I I really am I need to be a performer first before I try to teach people. I think this is really important to like have knowledge before you try and just teach people things. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, yeah. Um, especially in this industry, yeah. So, yeah. Does that answer your question?

SPEAKER_03 16:55

Yeah, no, that's fair. 100%. Um, I guess on the the topic of your family and that sort of stuff, how do you go being away from them a lot? Like I imagine you spend a lot of your time away from Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

I think look, you're 30 now. I think it's a great time in your life to be like alone and stuff like that. I am so grateful that my family are so close and we fight like crazy. We fight like crazy, but like we are unbelievably close. So, I mean, for this two days off, my sister's flown from Sydney. She met me at the airport, we've come together to meet the parents, and then we're gonna probably hang out with like my cousins and my aunties. So, like for us, like that's really important. It is really important. Yeah, but I mean, I do I do pretty well on my own. I always have, you know. I moved out at 18 and they didn't come over to Australia till like two years ago. So I was here on my own the whole time. Yeah, like I said, I've had a good support team, I've always had a really great friend at uni. I've had a good partner, ex-partner, and married with a kid, and I'm like living my lovely little single fantasy over here. Um, but you know, like I I have sacrificed a lot.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

Um, and this is just a small sacrifice for I think such a bigger goal, you know, and things like having my family be at my opening nights and you know, able to come to Germany. Like this is crazy. But like this, these are the moments that I live for. Yeah. And yeah, it's it's really special. But I do, I like my alone time. Yeah. I do. And that's why I go on tour a lot, you know? And everyone's like, where do you live? And I'm like, I'm a gypsy, that's what I am.

SPEAKER_03 18:42

Yeah. Yeah, I think I can um really resonate with that too. Like uh my wife and I grew up in Victoria, um, and majority of our family still live down there. So we've lived for almost nine years now away from them as well. And yeah, I can sort of resonate with that a little bit in the sense of you know, just because you're not around all the time doesn't mean you're not close with your family.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

And I'm telling you, like, we've got 300 group chats going on, and I'm just playing catch up every single night after the show because I was in Perth as well. The time difference was like two hours, so I was missing everyone, and then they were trying to call me and I was asleep, and I was like, leave you alone. So yeah, it's really it's really special, and I I do make time. Like, I'm very grateful for Pretty Woman. We get annual leave. Yeah, this is insane. You don't get this as a performer, so I'm you know, saving out my annual leave, and it's my granddad's 90th, so we're gonna go to New Zealand, and I'm just like, whoever can go, let's go, because this is what we live for, yeah. You know, like money comes and goes, buy the tickets, and like let's be over there, celebrate the sky in 90, you know, so special. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

And I imagine it's probably helped by the fact that majority of the people you're spending a lot of your time with are in the same boat as you, right?

SPEAKER_00 20:01

100%. I mean, like especially on tour, you go through crazy life events. Like, I can't even tell you like what some people have been going through on this tour alone, and the fact that they turn up to work and come, you know, but it's it is pretty hard to miss out on these things sometimes. Yeah, um, it's a lot of sacrifice, it is, but I think like I don't know, it sounds so corny, but like so much sacrifice, but when you have it, it's so good. Yeah, and especially if you like sit in it and be like so grateful for this moment or this performance or this job.

SPEAKER_03 20:41

Yeah. Once again, it's just just that perspective of everything, right? Yeah, quality over quantity.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

100%.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

It's just the way that it is.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

Um you asked me when this clicked for me.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

I just I don't know when this clicked for me. I think like it I truly have genuinely had it. But I think like it genuinely, like when you turn 28, there's like a a bit of like a uh, and then you turn 30 and you're like oh and then you just start doing shit that you actually genuinely enjoy and you start pleasing others. You start, you know. Yeah. All these things when you turn 30, it's gorgeous. And then the hips come in hip flexors and not well.

SPEAKER_03 21:26

Yeah, I love it. Um, I guess pivot out of some of the more deep stuff now and could go a little bit lighter. But one of the things I guess, and this might sound silly to you, I guess, but um that I look at sort of from the outside looking in, and I guess just to give you a little bit more context, um, yeah, explain to you a little bit off off mic that I'm not sort of that creative of a person, but it's something that um especially sort of my wife and I have grown in our lives together, have sort of been exposed to the performing arts a little bit more now. And from a small town of Victoria growing up and then now moving up here, it's it's a little bit easier. To be exposed to it, um, but just grow sort of grown such a I guess admiration for it because it's so different than anything I've ever really been a part of, and not anything I could ever picture myself doing. So it's it's so different.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

Never seen it. I don't think anyone was that.

SPEAKER_03 22:16

But um I guess one of the things I've always sort of looked at is that that hive being on stage and wondered whether it was really a thing, and it that feeling I imagine would just be intoxicating because you work so hard for every other moment that when you get up there and get the chance to actually do it, that's the release of all that hard work.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

Absolutely, and it also is kind of on you as a performer. What you give is kind of what you get, and sometimes you get something different to what you've given, but that's all the part of it, you know. Um, for me, I'm an energy person, and that from performing for me is I give energy and it doesn't exhaust me. Like I I I like this is like something I do, yeah. So especially burlesque, when I get to see a reaction from an audience member, that is enough for me. You know, I'm just like, well, done my job, keep going, more. You want more, give me more. So like it is cliche, but it is like there is actually no no better high than that. The difference is you do musicals and you do this eight times a week, and it's fucking draining, and you're doing a bow at the end, and sometimes in your mind, you're having some like really negative thoughts, and you're like, what the hell is going on? Yeah, these people are clapping for you, and you are like too tired to even take in the energy. So that's when I have to like really check myself and be like, these people are paid, these people are giving you, they're clapping you, and you're like, come on, get me off the stage, bye. So yeah, I have to I have to remind myself of that, but yeah, you do. That's as a job as a performer, you get this high. Yeah, but you're only human, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 24:07

Yeah, it's the same as any other job, right? Like a lot of people, yeah. Monday comes into Tuesday and Tuesday moves into Wednesday, it's the same as yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

I'm like, a double show is fine, but uh no, a single show is fine, but a double show, this is exhausting.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

Do you think it because of that it's important for you to mix it up so it's not always the same?

SPEAKER_00 24:23

Well, this is why I think um, you know, like I I belong in this cabaret world because my energy is like I want to give, and I really do want to give. And sometimes giving two performances of the same thing in a row is not giving enough, you know?

SPEAKER_01 24:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

So uh like especially Bilas stuff. I've got to go to Melbourne, and Ivana has a great gig where she has just a bunch of songs, and you just come with your outfits and you just alternate and you get to just be creative, and it's just like gorgeous people who are on date night or on their anniversary, and they just want to be entertained and they give you such a beautiful energy, and that for me is just like uh it's divine. Yeah, that is like you don't even need to pay me, but yes, pay me. Pay me because I got bills to pay, but the energy that they do give me, I am so just oozing with like gratitude after that. That's just so nice, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:19

Yeah, wow, it's it's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

That's why I do it. I'm an entertainer, and it's completely different crowds, right? Like And this is this is the fun thing, yeah, you know, you go to Rudy Hill, it's a different story. Rudy Hill in Sydney, it's a completely different story to over here in Brisbane, and then Perth is even another crazy whole whole new world. Yeah, um, but yeah, you get to find these spots, and yeah, there's some really great spots popping up for performing.

SPEAKER_03 25:46

So 100%. And I guess to put it into sort of perspective too, like early on, I imagine there's probably a lot of times where you're performing in front of not that many people, right?

SPEAKER_00 25:55

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:56

Yeah, you're performing in front of thousands of people.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

I've done a few shows to like 20 people and I'm like, anyone there? Anyone? So yeah, there's definitely all, but that's what makes you a good performer, because then you have to switch and you have to go, okay, intimate.

SPEAKER_03 26:13

Yeah, you know? And once again, just because there's a lot of people in the crowd, like you mentioned, about that the energy is. They might not be giving you anything.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

100% kind of, especially Perth, we were at the crown now. Yeah, and this feels like you're performing in a barn. Yeah, it's like you're like, hello! Everyone there, it's so far away. Yeah. And their reactions are like even more delayed. So it's yeah. You just have to know that feeling inside and be able to tap into that and give that if you can't get that energy.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

Yeah, huge. Yeah, it's it's yeah, as I said, so interesting to me. Um, I guess one of the other things too is turning it on and off. How do you go with that? Like that have to be as you said medication. Do you often find that in your you maybe struggle with some of that energy in your when you're off stage because of how much you have to turn it on when you are on stage?

SPEAKER_00 27:09

Yeah, like I definitely have learned in my 30s. I've learned that my energy is definitely like one like I give, give, give, give, give. Yeah, but I have slowed the hell down, and my self-care regime is on lock. Like you could not touch me, you could not. Um, so I think it is so important to figure this out for yourself and um yeah, definitely be able to give myself time for myself, you know. Read a book. This is like the best slowing down kind of thing that you could do, you know. Um, and I love a sauna. I love a sauna. Yeah, you will find me at every sauna in every state. I'm making friends with everyone.

SPEAKER_03 27:58

Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. I guess you get so used to your process, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:02

Yeah, and this is it, like some people's processes. I'm like, I don't know how you can do that. Yeah, like people are running on a double show day, like 10 kilometers, and I couldn't think of anything worse. I'm like my energy, and I would not be able to. I would be like, yeah, so yeah, you have to figure it out for yourself, and yeah, this is a beauty of life, it's kind of trial and error.

SPEAKER_03 28:27

100%. Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

What did I try? I tried something I did not like. Oh, no. No, I did like that. No, I take it back. Yeah, life is about trialing things.

SPEAKER_03 28:41

Yeah, 100%. Like, how do you I guess how do I want to put it? Like, um I think for a lot of people, they would sort of look at the industry and go, oh, right, well, a six-month contract, that's security, right? And I think so so many people would be used to, you know, you work a normal full-time job, you've got that protection there, and I think we'd probably look at your life and go, that's not something that I could do, sort of thing. And I guess how have you sort of managed that of maybe the peaks and troughs of okay, I want that security, but I also want to be able to have the flexibility to build this into whatever I want to build it into at that particular time.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

No, honestly, I just have made it up as I go. This this life I have been living, it's just kind of like, okay, this is working. Yeah, this is working, and then it's not working, and then get out, evacuate, figure out another route, you know what I mean? And that is life. It's it's kind of for me. I've been able, I think that's the many jobs on my CV.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

I've been able to just with being a performer, you can just kind of pretend.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:49

So sometimes I'm just pretending to be an office lady for the day, and sometimes I'm doing this. Um, hospitality's been a great one though, because this is also flexible. This is jumping in, jumping out, you know, you get to meet awesome people along the way as well. So I think like in my performing time, I've done 10 years of hospitality within that. So I still got my RSA. That means something, right?

SPEAKER_03 30:14

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

That means something.

SPEAKER_03 30:17

And I think it's you know, it probably gives you that little bit of confidence too, that especially early on in the journey, if this all fell apart, well, you've got plenty of experience doing a lot of other different things, right?

SPEAKER_00 30:26

Yeah, yeah. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't performing this. I think about this very often. And I'm like, I would just be vacationing. But yeah, I've I've I've been very grateful to go to Europe for the last few years. So when I when I do this trip, I'm like, well, I'm over here and they've paid for my flights, so I might as well just extend it after I work, and then give myself that little time to like explore, travel, and you know, grab some beautiful life experiences, and then come back and be like, shit, I don't have a job, yeah, figure it out, bitch. But honestly, I've been I've been very lucky, very grateful. I should be planning my stuff more, but this industry, you can't plan. You can't, yeah. Like musicals are working like a year in advance, and then burlesque is working in maybe sometimes monthly advance, whereas like cabaret is calling you up, being like, hey, can you go on a ship in two days? You're like, what? Okay, yeah, so yeah, it's um stability, not really, and this is probably why I need a partner that is very stable and pulls me back down to normality. But at the same time, I'm fine, I'm living, yeah, I don't have much responsibilities now. So this is the thing. I um I've chosen this lifestyle for now. Yeah, it probably will get old, but I don't think I'll ever stop performing. Yeah, no ways. I'll be like old and decrepit and with a walking stick, yeah, and uh like you know, emphysema, whatever, I'll be performing because this is yeah, this is my sole purpose, is to entertain for sure. In whatever way.

SPEAKER_03 32:13

Yeah. Have you ever had uh I mean you've probably had little moments, but has it ever really got to a point where you thought you were gonna stop working professionally and this journey was gonna stop and you would figure out something else?

SPEAKER_00 32:27

Hmm. I think like there's always been moments of like, oh fuck, like just give up. You know what I mean? Just throw it in, get yourself a regular job, go on, you can do it. This this happens often. This does happen often, and I quickly divert out. I quickly, yeah. I I think I had a partner, a really, really long-term partner, and then COVID kind of happened, and then obviously performing stars. Yeah, and then I think this was my moment of like, well, my partner wants a bit of normality, and you know, he had moved over from New Zealand for me, so I was like, okay, well, maybe maybe this is our time to move back and kind of try to fix the relationship that was not meant to be, I think. So yeah, there was that moment there, but my gut kind of told me, like, no way. No way.

SPEAKER_03 33:27

How much did it stop during COVID for you?

SPEAKER_00 33:30

I stopped performing completely, and this is where I started modeling.

SPEAKER_03 33:34

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 33:34

It was crazy, it was a crazy turn of events for me. But like everyone was in lockdown and I had an exemption because I was modeling every day.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Oh, okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

But like I was on a clothes set, nobody I couldn't see anybody else. Yeah, yeah. Otherwise, I would lose my job. Yeah, but like I was working four days a week, I had like normality.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

Yeah, wow, okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

So yeah, and then yeah, I thought maybe like I'll do the modeling on the side, but just get regular job, you know, just just do do the do, buy the house, have the kids, do that thing.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

And I look at myself now and I thought, wow, well done, girl. Congratulations. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

Hey, awesome. Um, cool. All right, that's a pretty good summation of your journey.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

Thank you. I feel like this was more therapeutic for me, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 34:24

I think that's a good uh purpose behind it. I think the the point of it is to sort of have some more of these deeper conversations and sort of find out about how things work and how people get to where they are. And um, yeah, I think selfishly for me, like I've said on a couple of the episodes, it's it's nice just to be able to find things out about people and always sort of being curious about it. And um, yeah, so I think that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

Well, thank you for letting me talk your ear off. And also thanks for being like a nice safe place to talk, you know.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 34:54

Feel very comfortable sharing these things. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 34:58

So, um, like I've done in the first couple episodes, finish off with three questions. Yes. I didn't tell you ahead of time what they are, um, just to sort of get that raw reaction. No, you're really not that I told you really any of the questions I was gonna ask, but kind of guided you a little bit. But um, yeah, three a little bit different ones just to sort of finish it off in a nice relaxed way. Um so the first one is uh what makes you happy? Outside of maybe the obvious.

SPEAKER_00 35:24

Oh, what makes me happy? To be constantly fulfilling purpose. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, it's beautiful. To be in like constant fulfillment, that is my true happiness. Amazing, and this changes all the time. Yeah, yeah. No, I love that. That's awesome. That wasn't rapid fire. I really slowed that down. I was like, 'cause sometimes the sauna is just my purpose. No, that's good. I think that's and that is happiness.

SPEAKER_03 35:54

Yeah, I love that, to be honest. I think um, yeah, one of the big things for me I've tried over these last probably the last two years is to find happiness in those little things.

SPEAKER_00 36:03

Um this is it. They can be in these little tiny things.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

It doesn't have to be this big grandioso thing that you achieve with your life or every day or whatever. If you know if you can find happiness in anything, then I think you're doing better than a lot of other people.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

And that's just the truth of it, I think.

SPEAKER_00 36:19

So I mean, it's a nicer place to live, I'll tell you that. Their minds don't seem very nice to live in. No, that's right.

SPEAKER_03 36:25

Uh, number two is what's the best advice you've ever received?

SPEAKER_00 36:29

Ooh. Don't give away too much at the beginning. And I think this is kind of alluded into like personal relationships in my career, in my ideas. You know, don't just don't give away too much too quickly. Always just like test it out a little bit, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

Yeah, no, I love that. It's different.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

Yeah, it kind of is something that stuck with me.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

Yeah, right. So I was always like, okay. Yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_03 37:05

Um, see, not too hard hitting these are good. Yeah. Um, and then the third one is uh what would be your death row meal?

SPEAKER_00 37:14

Oh, that's so hard.

SPEAKER_03 37:17

And see, this is the way I think this is a good one because like there's no tomorrow, right? So like there's so many things. Like I'm I lactose free, so like there's a lot of things I can't eat. It's not too bad, but you know, generally you have to be a little bit careful about what I eat. Like on the last day, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because you're because whatever happens, like you can go as crazy as you want because you're gonna die soon anyway. So it's all good.

SPEAKER_00 37:41

That's so hard. Like if my mum is around and I'm like getting killed, yeah. Probably a meal from her, which would be like a full-on Shiverlam.

SPEAKER_01 37:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

Like Christmas on crack.

SPEAKER_01 37:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:56

I want like just a little bit of everything.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

Yeah, yeah. Like it.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

But also, oh, just like my favorite dish from Hugo's in Manley in Sydney. It is just like this beautiful fish dish, and like the sauce is amazing. So, like that would just be like delicious with a beautiful cocktail. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:17

See, I love it too. I think that's a good question, too, because it pulls back to some memories like that, too.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

Like, which I think is really cool. Yeah, really good food. I love food. Yeah, I really love food.

SPEAKER_03 38:27

Yeah, no, most people do, so I'm I'm doing well with that one. I think that's a good one. Um, amazing. So uh what's next?

SPEAKER_00 38:36

What's next? Two days off. Yeah, rest and relax, off to Adelaide. Got to start figuring out what's happening after this contract. Okay. So I am in this stage.

SPEAKER_03 38:47

Yeah, Adelaide's the last stop.

SPEAKER_00 38:49

We have Melbourne after this, but once we get to Melbourne, this is a bit too late for me to be organized in my life. But also, hey, maybe we don't have a job for a bit.

SPEAKER_01 38:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:57

And that's okay. Um, yeah, I would love to be jumping back into some burlesque star. Yeah. I am like feeling ripe and ready to do it. And maybe that's in Europe.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

Yeah, yeah. I think I've I've touched on Europe a little bit, and I'm just like, ugh, I need to like really plant my feet on the soil. Yeah. Like, yeah, see what it has to offer. And I feel like I've I've can made some beautiful connections over there, so let's go. Why not? And I'm only getting uglier and older and less flexible. So I've got to give it out now.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

Take advantage of it.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

I've got to get it out now, otherwise, like, yeah, I'm gonna be regretting it. So I think that's it. Because I love Australia, I know this is where I want to live. Yeah. But for right now, I don't have the responsibilities and anything tying me down here right now.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

So why not?

SPEAKER_00 39:54

Why not?

SPEAKER_01 39:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:55

Let's say maybe this time next year, Paris, London, something like this.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

Well, um uh yeah, I can't wait to follow along the rest of your journey. Yeah, um, I have seen you perform a couple of times. Um you were uh in blunt to blunc here. That would have been over a year ago, I think.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

Would have been, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_03 40:19

Um and then actually uh burlesque at a drag brunch in the valley.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

Uh-huh. That was a really nice one.

SPEAKER_03 40:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

Like honestly, burlesque in the daytime is crazy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:31

This is on a Sunday. Sunday o'clock.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

And it was like brash. It was like brash morning. It was really giving brunch. So, but honestly, that's me just trying to find any excuse to perform.

SPEAKER_01 40:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

Yeah. I'll do, I'll do, I'll do anything. But that was such a good night. Oh, that was such a good one.

SPEAKER_03 40:54

Awesome. Love it. Thank you so much. And uh yeah, hopefully we'll see each other somewhere along the traps. See you soon.

SPEAKER_00 41:01

Absolutely. Thanks for having me.