Identifying & Loving All Parts of Self

In this episode we discuss:

1. Internal Family Systems.
2. Parts of self.
3. Self-compassion/non-judgement
4. The goals with our parts of self.
5. The bus.
6. Survival skills.

If you feel triggered by any information in this podcast, or if you feel led to start your own therapeutic healing journey, please visit psychologytoday.com to find a mental health therapist in your area.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call 911 or 988 for support. You can also visit 988lifeline.org for more resources, and information.

Remember.....YOU MATTER!

To schedule a discovery session with Sherri, please go to Elevatetoabundantlife.com. 

The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome back to Divine and Most Unlikely. You're spending some time with Sherry Conran and Nathan. It is not the critic who counts. Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles. Or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena. Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. Who strives valiantly? Who errs. Who comes short again and again. Because there is no effort without error and shortcoming. But who does actually strive to do the deeds, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best, in the end, knows the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. And that is from Theodore Roosevelt. Well, when we were talking about what we thought might be good to cover in a podcast, you know, you and I often have discussions about just general topics. We don't script it very much.

SPEAKER_01 1:28

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

This this the topic that we want to address today, we think would be really helpful for people. And it's one that you not only have a knowledge a lot of knowledge in, it's also something you have a lot of experience with.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

So we're gonna start by talking a little bit about internal family systems.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Thank you, Nathan. That was beautiful. I love what you read by Theodore Roosevelt. Yeah, very beautiful. So thanks for sharing that. Yeah, we're gonna talk about internal family systems today. And Dick Swartz created internal family systems, and it has it when I was a therapist, no longer a therapist, as you guys know that, um, now an abundant life coach. But when I was a therapist, and actually not when I was a therapist, but I still use it as a coach because I think it's imperative for us to go forward, for us to propel, um, I was gonna say propel ourselves. We don't propel ourselves, the Lord propels us forward. But for us to go forward, move forward in life, we have to understand the different parts of self. And so that's what the internal family system is, is like all of these parts of self within you.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 2:38

Yeah, it does. But tell me, so tell me a little bit more.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Yep, yep. You and I have dialogued a lot about this in your healing journey and a lot in my healing journey, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Um, we've dialogued a lot about it. So with the parts of self, Richard Swartz came up with eight C's to help us befriend each part of ourself. And those eight C's are calmness, clarity, curiosity. You know how how I'm so passionate about being curious, right? When we when we talk to people, when we want to know things or want to help somebody, we want to practice curiosity, right? Yeah, compassion. You know how big I am on compassion as well, right? You have spoken the need for self-compassion over myself, towards myself, and I've done the same thing for you. Confidence, courage. Oh boy, are we gonna talk a lot about courage today and and in the next podcast? Um, creativity and connectedness. So, can you see where those eight C's are really important when we talk about the parts of self and just as we go through life, yeah, all of those C's are really, really important.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Yeah, absolutely. The one that stood out to me as you were saying it, I mean two, but curiosity was the first one because curiosity and judgment are kind of antithetical to one another. You can't, if you're judging, you won't be curious, and if you're curious, you're not gonna judge.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

That's really good, Nathan.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Yeah, so I think that one really stands out to me as being really important. And not just with the the parts of self, although it is incredibly important here, but just a lot of areas of life. You know, if you I think sometimes people they have a desire to not be judgmental, and so they think, all right, I'm not gonna be judgmental, but they don't know sort of the the contrapositive attribute to try to exercise instead. And in my opinion, I think that curiosity is that contrapositive attribute.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

That's really good, that's really good because there's a lot of power in um in being compassionate, yeah, and in being curious both. Yes, compassionate and curious, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:44

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

So I I used to, when I was a therapist, tell people this, and I also tell them as a life coach, if you are judging parts of yourself and not loving parts of yourself, it's like sandpaper against our current goals.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

We're we're not gonna reach current goals, whether it's in therapy or coaching, if we're not loving ourselves and liking ourselves, right? And I think you listeners, we all have parts that we don't like. And and we're gonna talk a little bit about that today, and we're really gonna talk about that in the next episode because the Lord has called me to um share some really personal things, but I I know why. So we'll talk more about that in the next podcast, but we're gonna talk too a little bit about it in this one. So, in this instance, I want to encourage with internal family systems all of Dick Schwartz's work is really good, and he's got a lot of good books, and there's other people who've authored books about internal family systems, but because we're believers, I want to recommend to you Boundaries for Your Soul by Allison Cook and Kimberly Miller. And it's kind of funny because my maiden name is Cook. Um, so I think that's just kind of a I call that a uh God wink.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Mm-hmm. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

Nathan, it's I was gonna say he's trying not to laugh, but apparently he's laughing. Nathan, why are you laughing?

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Well, I'm just laughing, you know, because that last name, cook, you know, there's a there's an action that goes right along with that, you know, cooking.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

And um do you wanna apparently we are, Nathan? Apparently we are. Okay. If you know me, and listeners, many listeners don't know me, a lot of listeners know me, because our friends, our dear friends are listening, and clients I think are listening, and spiritual children are for sure listening. If you know me, you know that I do not like to cook. And I think I shared that when I shared part of my story. Um, I think it's connected to trauma, as Nathan helped me understand that it's really connected to trauma because from my best memory, which is not much of my childhood, um my mom, my mom was an excellent cook when she was married to my dad. Um, but from what I can remember, my dad wanted meals on the table and they better be hot. And there would be hell to pay if they weren't on the table and they weren't hot. And I don't think my mom ever knew when he was coming home to eat the meals.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

Yeah. Right? How are you supposed to hit a target that right?

SPEAKER_00 7:20

So I think as uh as I resisted learning to cook, my mother told me, I remember vividly this part. I was 16, 17, freaking about to get married at age 17. And mom told me, Sherry, you're you you need for me to show you how to cook. You're gonna need to know how to cook. And I was like, No, I'm not, I'm not cooking. I don't like to cook, I'm not gonna cook. End of story. And you heard the story if you listen to part of my life story, how my first husband ate a lot of goulash. Okay, so just to add to the side note, I have to tell you, I had a reason a birthday recently, and I have to tell you it was the best birthday ever. And one of my spiritual daughters wasn't able to make it to the birthday party, but yesterday, which was Fri Saturday, she brought over some bread, some sourdough bread, cinnamon raisin, sourdough bread. And oh my gosh, I just I it was it is delicious. And then Nathan brought over ingredients today to make cinnamon honey butter for the sourdough bread.

SPEAKER_02 8:30

Well, hang on now. If we're gonna tell the story, we gotta tell the whole story. So we're on the phone the other day, you, me, and this spiritual daughter.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, Can we call Nathan? Can we FaceTime Nathan?

SPEAKER_02 8:42

And basically, in the conversation, she goes, You should bring over some cinnamon honey butter. And my evil mind immediately starts begin, you know, the gears are turning. I'm like, Oh, I'm gonna bring some cinnamon honey butter. I brought the ingredients to make it, and that's what we did today.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

And then I got to meet a new part of him. I got to meet a new part of South, and that is the teacher in him. I've known because he was an instructor when he worked in the medical field. He's still in the medical field, but he was an instructor at some point. And I've known that he has that part, but I've never met that part. So this morning I got to meet that part, and you guys, we toasted that sourdough bread, and oh my gosh, we put Nathan brought honey, homegrown honey, raw, yeah, like raw honey and that was locally grown. You didn't grow it, but grow it, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_02 9:38

No, no, I didn't harvest it for the bees.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

He didn't harvest it for the bees. So he walked me through, you guys, like Sherry, how much honey do you think you need to add to your butter? Sherry, how much, how much cinnamon do you think you need to add? And it was it was quite a little comical, you guys. Um, but he's like, look, look, you made something, Sherry. You sort of cook something, Sherry, but it was the sweetest thing, you guys. So before we started, um, we had sourdough bread, holy buckets with cinnamon honey butter.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

And guys, I'm not kidding. I think that might be the best cinnamon honey buddy butter I've ever had. That I took a bite and it just caught me completely off guard. I in my head I was thinking, and I've only thought this with one other food in my life, but when I tasted it, I was like, oh man, I am in trouble because this is really good and I want to eat a lot of it, and I don't need that, but I am in trouble.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

And I said, Nathan, this is the first time I've ever just eaten butter out of a bowl. When it got all mixed up, I was like, oh, can we have another little spoonful of that? Let me have another little spoonful. It was it was really good. So, Nathan, Nathan gave me a little cooking lesson for the maiden name Sherry Cook. He's trying it's almost like that's directions. Oh my goodness, what am I gonna do with him, you guys? Okay, so there's there's our little bunny trail. Yep, but what a sweet little bunny trail. And and to my sweet, amazing daughter that brought that to me, um, she knows that Nathan has been talking to me about um cooking for people being equivalent to love, right? And um yeah, so he's he's teaching me that cooking for people is equivalent to love because I did cook when my kids were younger, but you know, it was pretty basic. It was spaghetti, lasagna, like really basic things. Um, not bad stuff, but just pretty basic. And I have to tell you, my oldest daughter is the most amazing cook. She was self-taught, she was not taught by her mother. Um, so she's an amazing cook. Okay, so we're gonna get you ready to get back on track?

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Yeah, let's get back on track.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Okay. All right, so I want to recommend. Oh, I already talked about the book and the title. So to start out talking about internal family systems, I really have to start with self-compassion.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Okay, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Yeah, self-compassion has to be present. And I talk to Nathan all the time about that. I talk to my spiritual children, all of my spiritual children about it. And I have to remind myself about it, right? Yeah. Because you guys, it's it's a little, it can be a little difficult because these parts of self, um, we tend to not like some of our parts of self. I will tell you many times my little girl part, especially when I would go visit my family, and my visits with my family were some somewhat limited because oh my goodness, the triggers for trauma were plentiful. So my little girl part would get very dysregulated, especially when I would go see my dad. Um, my little girl part would get very dysregulated. She would literally, we've talked about, I think we've talked a little bit about driving the bus.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Because I use the analogy often, you guys, that um all the parts of self are on the bus, but they're not allowed to drive.

SPEAKER_02 13:04

Okay, I want to ask a question though. As a therapist, now I know you're not a therapist currently, but in your your previous experience as a therapist, sure, and in your current role as an abundant life coach, as you work with clients, how do you either externally identify or work with the clients to help them identify their parts of self?

SPEAKER_00 13:28

Yeah, that's a good question, Nathan. I can see parts of self from a long ways away, right? Um, so I just speak to them, I talk to them because most people aren't aware that we have these parts of self. They just know that sometimes they have these behaviors and they don't like the behaviors, they hate the behaviors that show up, and so they think they don't like themselves, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:50

Ah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Do you do you like um when I start to talk to somebody about parts of self, I'm like, I hear you saying that you don't like yourself, but there's a part of you that you don't like. It's not that you don't like your whole self, right? It's that you don't like this part of you.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Um so I start out by talking to people about like our little girl self, little boy self, those are really easy to identify. And and and yeah, really easy to identify.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

Does everybody have those? A little little bit of a couple of things. Everybody does.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Everybody does. Some are louder than others, okay, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:31

If they're louder, are they louder because they didn't get what they needed when they were? Okay, okay, okay, yep.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

Yep, yep. Yeah, and and Nathan, I don't know, how much of your story do you want to share about your little boy?

SPEAKER_02 14:44

Oh, we can we can share as much as you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

Yep, okay. So I think you guys, Nathan's little boy part is somewhat loud because he was the oldest child in his family.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

And he had some trauma in his family. And and when you're a male and you are the oldest child, what happens?

SPEAKER_02 15:04

I think when you're the male, the oldest child, and then a part of a larger family, right? I think there's sort of a an expectation that, hey, you're the oldest. So in some situations, you become like a I guess the best way to put it is sort of like a quasi-parent. You're not, you're not exactly-yeah. Yeah, you're not exactly a parent, yeah, but you're not exactly a kid either. And as that family grows, the expectation is you're helping with those kids. And part of that is because, man, just as parents, you know, at a certain point, man, you're outnumbered. And you need some, you need to enlist some assistance along the way.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

So I what you the I didn't I didn't have this terminology before, but what you taught me is that sometimes those kids become parentalized.

SPEAKER_00 15:53

They do, yeah. Parentalized and parentified. We call them parentified children, right? And so, Nathan, I love that you pointed out that you were given a lot of responsibilities, but you weren't necessarily given the authority.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

That's a yes, that's true, and that's a very difficult position, yes. Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

And Nathan, we talked a lot about this, I don't know what day it was, a couple days ago. We talked a lot about your IQ level and how much wisdom you were given from the get-go of life. You and my other son, I think, are very similar in so many ways. Um, you both have been given a high IQ and a lot of wisdom. And I think that that fed into you being a parentified child, right? Because um, when we grow up in situations where our parents have their own wounding, and then here comes, like for you, the oldest child, and you're a male, yeah, right, and then you step into these responsibilities and you do it so well because of your IQ and your wisdom at such a young age, right? The things you've told me that you did at 13, 14, you know, that he you guys, he decided at age 14 who he was gonna be. And so he started studying who he wanted to be. That's why he's got so much, he's he's such a historian. And he studied all of these great men, mostly military people from the past, founders of the country. And that's who he decided he was gonna be. And you guys, he's a walking, talking, all of those things. He's all of those things. And you guys, he decided that at age 14. And I I've had I have to frequently tell him, Nathan, we don't all do that. Like you guys, you guys know my story. Like, I went down these wide and very not good paths, and it took me a hot minute, like till age 26, 27, when I found Jesus to turn my life around and that path around and all the things. Nathan, because of his high IQ and the giftings from the Lord, did that at age 14.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Yeah, but I just want to add that uh Sherry does take a very kind and a very charitable view. And I just also want to say that, you know, in those same ages, those 10, 12, 14, 16 years old, there were definitely things that I did not do well uh with my siblings, you know, and and so it's not all I didn't I didn't do everything well.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

I did I made plenty of mistakes and yep, and none of us do everything well, right, Nathan? And so with those parts of self, we've talked about this a lot. Lots of grace and lots of mercy.

SPEAKER_01 18:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Because you encountered things in your life um that that influenced some of the things that you didn't do well. And um, that's where we have to have grace for ourselves because God gives us grace, God gives us mercy. And you have beautifully repented and confessed and all the things for those things that you're referring to. And God's grace, God's grace and mercy is with you in that. So all of what he said about being a parentified child, guess what happened to the little boy and him? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

The little boy didn't get as much of a chance to live that uh that part of a childhood that you would expect a child to be able to.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Yep, yeah. Absolutely. So, guess who shows up a lot?

SPEAKER_02 19:16

For me, definitely the little boy shows up a lot. And one thing I want to say is I before uh prior to therapy, I found that to be deeply disconcerting. Yes, deeply, deeply disconcerting. Like I'm a grown adult man.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

I carry a gun, I I gotta act like a man. And I can't be having this, this, this part of me, you know, yeah. And so I would, I would, I would, I got angry at that part and I would suppress that part, and I was just very, I would say I was very mean to that part. And then and then as a part of you know, going through therapy, I guess one of the things that I thought, a preconceived notion I had is that as I grow up, the little boy part essentially is supposed to die because the man part is here now.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

And what I in my mind, the the image that I see is is not that now. What I see is more it's like an acorn that turns into a mighty oak. The acorn, when it's planted, as it grows, you stop seeing the acorn, but the acorn isn't gone. That oak grew up in layers, in these concentric rings around the acorn. The acorn is still there in that at the heart of that tree, it's still there. You just can't see it because it's protected by all these layers of bark of life that bark of life that are also parts of self.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Right. Right, parts of self. Also, the bark of that bark can consist of um mistaken beliefs, false identities, right? Man, Nathan, you described that so beautifully, so well. So yeah, for me, my little girl, right? I thought my little girl, okay, you guys, I think after my mom passed away in 2020, and then my dad died in 2025, in between the two, I thought my little girl had grown up. I I learned how to love her, I thought she was fully integrated. I was celebrating. I knew my teenager had a lot of work to do still. But my um little girl part, I thought she was done. I had thought she was done integrating um and done being healed and integrated. And then I lost my dad. And oh my goodness, the little girl surfaced big time again. All of the wounds. And I I recently had a revelation. I I always have slept well, you guys. All of my life I've slept well. After my dad died, I started sleeping poorly. And someone recently asked me, another beautiful daughter of mine, spiritual daughter, asked me, Sherry, were you ever afraid? Night when you slept. And again, not that I have solid memories of childhood because I don't. But I can imagine with the domestic violence and alcoholism, I can imagine as a kid that I didn't sleep well. Now I can't answer why didn't that bother me earlier in my life? Why have I slept well prior to losing my dad? I don't know. Why am I not totally sleeping well right now? I I think that could be a part of it, but I don't know. Um, but other things are surfacing that need to be healed, right? Since losing my dad. And you guys, I know the journey to healing, it is a journey. You've heard about Nathan's intense journey. I'm still on my journey, right? And you've also heard me say, oh my goodness, is the Lord on the precipice? And I'm gonna even say he is pouring out his glory. I had some events this morning that blew me away, like he blows me away on a regular, regular, regular basis. So I think he's already pouring out his glory. So just be looking for the ways that he's pouring out his glory because in the pouring out of his glory, he's gonna bring healing. He's gonna bring um holy spirit-fueled healing. And we're gonna talk about that too a little bit in the next episode. But yeah, when I would go before my dad passed and I would go visit him, that little girl would absolutely surface. And I didn't act like I didn't, I didn't look like an adult. I would get triggered and overwhelmed. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

Well, what did that look like? Someone, someone outside you, yeah, what would they see or hear when she surfaced? And then the same question, what would you feel internally when she surfaced?

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Yeah, that's really good, Nathan. Um, I think a lot of anxiety would show up. And one time, my my oldest daughter and I used to try to go there, I don't know, once every couple of years together. I would tell her, you know, I'm thinking about going to Texas, and she'd be like, okay, I might go with you. And I'll just never forget this because my children, as you guys can imagine, didn't experience um, thankfully, they didn't experience the childhood I had. And so they haven't ever really fully understood. They definitely haven't understood the parts of self and all of those things. But I can vividly remember one time my daughter was with me and my dad did something that triggered me, and I became anxious and I sh became shut down. I would shut down emotionally, I would probably, and I haven't, Nathan, I haven't really thought this through, but I I probably went into freeze mode because I would just shut down, pull into myself, and that's when I would get in the Bible and and look at God's truths about about myself, and I would just lean into my faith. But my daughter was like, Mom, whenever this happens, this makes it really difficult for me, right? Because she didn't know what to do with me.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

And she saw me do that throughout my second marriage to my second husband. She saw me do that throughout. Um, and so that was probably triggering for her, right? I can remember another vivid incident at her house where my ex-husband and I, we were, we were de, I think we're probably either set, we were definitely separated, maybe divorced, but it was a very amicable separation and divorce. So we drove from Missouri to Ohio together to spend Thanksgiving. And he did something that triggered me, sent me over the moon, and I did the same thing. I pulled in, I went up to seclude myself in a different room, and and they both just were like, here she goes again. What's going on with her? But that was that was the probably the little girl getting triggered by his choices, as I did for 28 years. Um, that was probably the little girl showing up that just wanted to seclude and go hide somewhere, right? To feel safe.

SPEAKER_02 25:46

Yeah, and one of the really powerful things that you've done with me, and that I suspect is a tactic that you use with clients in general, is you will often ask, you'll say, which part of you is showing up right now? And then when you know, I might be able to name that if if you will usually name what you think you're seeing. So sometimes that's the same and sometimes it's different. And then you'll follow that question with what does that part of you need from you right now?

SPEAKER_00 26:16

Yep, exactly. That little girl needed to know that she was safe, right? But when you get in those moments, kind of like you talked about with your little boy part, like you're like, we've talked about you kind of being a badass guy, right?

SPEAKER_02 26:31

Sherry has talked about that. Nathan has not.

SPEAKER_00 26:35

Other people have talked about that, Nathan.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

Um, he is, whether he knows it or not. Um, like he's talked about when the little boy showed up, like the little boy, no, I'm a grown man. You can't show up, right? That's how I would feel when the little girl showed up because you feel out of control, you feel vulnerable, you feel like you could be hurt and harmed because, yeah, because that part is so vulnerable, right? And I I don't think this was like 11, probably 11 or 12 years ago. And I don't know that I had all the language. Even yes, I was a therapist, yes, I was a therapist. I can't remember, I feel like I learned about internal family systems when I moved here back to Minnesota in 2018.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 27:23

So back that would have been like 2015, 2016, when all this happened.

SPEAKER_02 27:30

When in in an instance when that little girl part of you has shown up, and in an instance when you've done a really good job taking care of her, give us an example of what it is that you've given her. What have you done to take care of her and make reassure her and make her feel safe again?

SPEAKER_00 27:51

That's really good. Nathan, today at pictures of her, a couple of pictures of her. There's a picture in my living room, there's a picture on my dresser, and I stop at those pictures and I say, Oh man, you've been through a lot. You've been through a lot. I love you. You made it to the other side, and you are safe and you're okay. And I think that's so powerful, guys. I don't know if I ever gave you that assignment, maybe not, but I think it's really powerful to acknowledge that young part of you that is still very much alive. And maybe, listeners, as you're listening to this, you're some thoughts are flashing through your mind about your little girl or about your little boy. And that's just the tip of the iceberg when it when it comes to parts of self. But the compassion, oh my goodness, I can't overstate how important the self-compassion is. I was talking to a client that I have also, I just love this guy. I just love him. And he was asking my perspective on some things that he's going through. And in in the questioning, he's like, oh, my 10-year-old is terrified and I don't know what to do with him. And I'm afraid, I'm afraid he's gonna rear his ugly head. And I was like, I didn't say anything when he said that, but I was like, oh, oh, there's no compassion for that little boy. No wonder he's terrified. And you guys, when I talked to this client about that, he didn't even know that he said that. He didn't know that that was his perspective. And I was able to point that out to him, and he's like, oh, I didn't realize I even said that. And so um later, and this is such an important part as Christians, and I know that I know that we've done this with you, and oh my gosh, I'm gonna have to give you guys the example of when I did it. Nathan would be really proud of this example. I don't think he maybe he knows this story, but I don't know. Um, but with my client, um, he saw Jesus come and take the little boy. He saw Jesus come and take the little boys by the hand and start to teach him some amazing things so that the little boy could feel seen, known, and loved by Jesus. And I thought that was so beautiful. So one day after a session, I think with my therapist, we had talked about the little girl part and the adolescent part. And you guys, my adolescent part is such a rebel. She is like, don't tell me what to do. I've got this covered. Um she often even says F you, you know, to the world. Um, because she she thinks she's strong, she thinks she's got it covered. And you know, guys, you've heard a little bit about my adolescence. I had to be that way. I had to from ages of 13 through like even past 20s. I was still, I was still an adolescent. So um one day after therapy, we talked about my little girl part and my adolescent part, and I came into the kitchen, Nathan, you'd be so proud. And I don't know what I cooked, but I lovingly said to the little girl and the adolescent, and I wept the whole time, you guys. I wept the whole time. I invited them, I'm gonna try not to weep right now, but I invited them to come into the kitchen with me to cook.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Wow, that is so cool.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

Isn't that cool? Yeah, isn't it cool? I knew you would like that. So they came in the kitchen with me. The adolescent was like, she was kind of like pouting, and then she looked up at me when I took when I said that, and she was like, really? And I was like, Yeah, come on, let's cook together. Because I think Nathan had brought up that that was a trauma response that I didn't like to cook. And I think maybe my therapist suggested, I don't remember how that all played out, but we cooked together, and it was a really simple because when I cook, it's like steak or chicken and vegetables and a salad. It's very simple. I I yeah, yeah, very simple. So anyway, I thought that was really cool. So that's part of that's just part of welcoming each of those parts of self and loving on them, loving on them, letting them, letting them be present. So I want to talk a little bit about the parts of self. So if you're a girl, you're gonna have the little girl, the adolescent girl, same thing for the boy, little boy, adolescent boy, your current adult, right? Your current adult self, your spirit-led self, okay, your protectors, okay, critics.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

The critic.

SPEAKER_00 32:27

The critic. We're gonna talk about some of these parts in just a second. The critic, there can be fearful parts, okay. There can be firefighters, firefighters. They're the same as uh no, they're well, they're the same as survival skills, firefighters and survival skills. We're gonna talk in detail a little bit more about these things. Managers, managers are also protectors, and so let's talk a little bit about which one do you want to pick to share, Nathan? Like um a protector, a critic, a fearful part, firefighters.

SPEAKER_02 33:02

Oh, yeah. Well, I'd say I want to do the critic and the and the firefighter.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Okay, go for it, go for it. Tell us about critic and firefighters.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

So, well, the the first thing, the critic, this was not something that I really recognized before therapy, but for me, my critic came up in my internal dialogue. And my internal dialogue was honest to God, cruel. Like I would it was to the point where if I if I had heard someone else speak to another person the way that I was speaking to myself, I would not have tolerated it. Yeah, but I did tolerate it within me.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 33:43

And it was very cruel for the vast majority of my life. And I actually thought that that was helping to make me better in some way. That that cruel part was helping to make me better. And now I sort of realize the ridiculousness of that because if you have if you were just to run an experiment with two people, one person you speak truthful and honest words of encouragement to, right, and then the other one you just constantly berate in the most cruel way possible. Who do you think is gonna do better? Who do you think is gonna feel better? And what are your relationships, what's your relationship gonna be like with each of those two people? And then I was being that cruel critic with myself, right? So not helpful. No, not helpful. And when you when you talked about the bus of people, all those different parts of self, they're all on the bus, right? And then we get to decide who's gonna drive the bus. But let's say you're the bus driver and you've got all those parts of self. Imagine two different buses. One bus is where all the parts of yourself are yelling at each other and fighting, and they're mean, and they're just That's good, Nathan.

SPEAKER_00 34:51

Right? You don't want to be on that bus to you.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

Well, I don't think I do, no. Or there's a bus where all those parts of self are like hanging out and they're friendly and they're laughing and they're getting along and they love each other. Which bus would you rather be the driver of?

SPEAKER_01 35:05

Right.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

Yeah, right, right, right. And then uh the firefighter for me is I think we we we have called that part of myself the rescuer.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

So yes, indeed.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

And I I'm genuinely not sure about how much of this is just because I'm a dude, and then how much is trauma generated. But yes, there is definitely a part of me that wants to rescue. And that comes from nothing but a good place. It comes from good intentions.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

I have good intentions in my heart, and yet again, we won't mention any names.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

We will not mention any names, but but uh this, at least for me, the best analogy I'll draw. The most recent time I did it, I would say this was a little bit like knowing that there was someone trapped in a house fire. And I walked in with nothing but my boots on and tried to get them out of it. And let me tell you, that stuff burns. That stuff burns. No, no turnout gear, no SCBA, no helmet, no gloves, no hose line, no tools, no nothing. Just walking in with my boots and a smile. And it didn't work out well.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

The picture you're creating.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

You know, it's like 800 degrees in there.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

Okay, but you had clothes on, right?

SPEAKER_02 36:35

No! I should have at least gotten the turnout here and I didn't. So, anyway, that that rescuer part of myself is well-intentioned. And, you know, as much as I I definitely don't like saying this out loud, you can't rescue someone else. You can help, you can love them, you can care, you can give them support, you can give them compassion and understanding and all that stuff. And if that building's on fire, they need to choose to get up and walk out themselves, or they can choose to stay in there and burn, but you can't go get them when you don't have turnout gear.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 37:41

I've lost my ability to speak.

SPEAKER_02 37:44

That's all right. I'll talk for a little while. Let's see what else we got going on here. Oh, survival skills. Yeah. Survival skills is a good one. Survival skills, one of my survival skills was about control. So that and and my control look like, hey, I have learned a lot of this was was, I think, through my professional background. But when you walk into a bad situation, by the way, that's what I expect. No one calls, no one calls 911 to say, hey man, I did this really smart thing. Check it out.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

They're calling 911, and I'm just gonna I for those of you who don't work in public safety, I'm just gonna let you know that the majority of the time, now, today, it's different than it was 20 years ago. But when people are calling 911, it's not necessarily an emergency. And for this portion of the discussion, I'm not talking about the non-emergency calls, okay? I'm talking about the actual emergencies. So we expect to, we expect someone is calling us on a really bad day, maybe the worst day of their life. We are expecting to go into chaos, and that's normal for us. And then what we do is we take command of that situation and we create order from chaos. And that's what we fire, law enforcement, EMS, military, it's it is all the same thing. Absolutely. That's what we do.

SPEAKER_01 39:13

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 39:14

And that works awesome on a 911 scene. That works somewhat less well. I wish you guys could see Sherry trying to hide herself right now. She's trying to hide her face from me while she laughs. But that works less well when it's not a 911 scene. And so I think one of the challenges that I have had to work to overcome is I learned that that control and taking command is a tool. However, it was one of the only tools I used for a long time. It was one of the only tools I developed. And so that was one of the only ones I had on the belt to use.

SPEAKER_01 39:57

Right.

SPEAKER_02 39:58

And so it's not that that taking control or command is a bad tool. It's just you don't want to only have one tool on the belt, you want to have some more development.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

Absolutely. Absolutely. And you've done that, you've done that. You've gotten a lot more tools on your belt.

SPEAKER_02 40:15

I've added more tools to the belt. Yep. I wish you guys could see Sherry's face right now. This is priceless.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

Oh my goodness. You guys, I'm I'm trying to compose myself. Nathan is cracking me up today, and uh, I'm trying to compose myself so we can continue. But what I want to talk about next is managers who are also protectors, because I think this we experience managers a lot. Managers try to manage all the strong emotions that come up. And some of the ways that managers show up as protectors is worry, people pleasing, and overanalyzing. Oh overanalyzing. Nathan is now turning his head trying not to laugh because I often overanalyze. I'm like, Nathan, what did you think about this? What'd you think about that? What'd you feel about this, right? Just trying to check, because my brain says, sometimes, not all the time, my brain says, oh Sherry, you shouldn't have, or oh Sherry, you could have, or oh Sherry, what if you would have? Or oh Sherry, what's gonna happen? Because you didn't, right? So my brain goes into a lot of different places, and I know that I know a lot of people are gonna be able to relate to that. That kind of thinking, they're those are cognitive distortions, and those are things, especially they're a part of experiencing trauma, but they can be just a part of depression and anxiety as well. They don't have to be from trauma, but those are things that we want to work on because when we see through the lens of cognitive distortions, it's it's a little challenging to be in a relationship with someone who's constantly questioning or who's people pleasing or who's worrying because we're constantly like Nathan would never say this, but I I I believe he rolls his eyes every now and then at some of my analyzing things. My and he's shaking his head.

SPEAKER_02 42:17

I don't roll my eyes at that. I roll I do sometimes roll my eyes at her, but it's in a loving way, and it's not about that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 42:24

So, anyway, that's what protectors do. Okay, so if you do any of those behaviors, don't you're not judging yourself right now, right? Right? Yeah, because if someone's listening to this and they're like, oh my gosh, I'm a people pleaser. Oh my gosh, I worry. Oh my gosh, I overanalyze.

SPEAKER_02 42:39

Okay, let me ask this. If if if people are listening right now and they're like, just like you said, I do this, I do that. Yep, are they bad people? No, are they inadequate people? Are they unintelligent people?

SPEAKER_00 42:51

No, are they weak people?

SPEAKER_02 42:53

Yeah, no, they're not. No, they're not. What are they?

SPEAKER_00 42:55

They're humans. You're humans, yeah, absolutely humans and protector, that's your protector and your manager. What is a protector trying to do?

SPEAKER_02 43:07

Protect.

SPEAKER_00 43:07

Yeah, a protector tries to protect, right? And so, no, no self-judgment. This is where compassion comes in. You have to have compassion because if you jump on that boat with the critical voice, now the critical voice might be adult kids, it might be parents, it might be teachers, it might be um bully on the playground, it could be a neighbor. You guys have no idea the negative impact bullying brings to people. That's what I would call a little T trauma. I've had clients who had um full sometimes full-blown PTSD diagnosis, sometimes some symptoms of PTSD, but from bullying. Because when we get bullied young and our brain isn't completely formed, we're gonna believe the lies that the bully's telling us.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

All right, I got a question for you. So this we've talked about some of these. Various different parts of self. And I remember when you started to teach me about this. I just I would this was a complete ignorant spot for me. It was like just a dark spot in a dark room. I had no idea. Yep. Okay. But what's the goal with those parts of self? Are we going to kick them? Are we are we kicking the firefighter out? Are we kicking the manager out? Are we saying you're doing a bad job you're fired? Is that the goal?

SPEAKER_00 44:19

No, never the goal.

SPEAKER_02 44:20

Okay, we're gonna keep them all on the bus.

SPEAKER_00 44:21

We're gonna keep them all on the bus. And as believers, who do we want to drive the bus next?

SPEAKER_02 44:27

Well, we want Jesus to drive the bus.

SPEAKER_00 44:28

Yeah, Jesus, God, her Holy Spirit, right? Oftentimes, oh my gosh, you guys picture this, okay? When I would go to Texas and the little girl would come out and she would be behind the driver's seat, right? Little girls can't see over the steering wheel. And so she would be behind the driver's seat, trying to drive the whole bus full of people, right? And no wonder my daughter's like, Mom, I can't handle this, right? Because the little girl's swerving to the right, and she's swerving to the left, and she's got her foot on the gas pedal and she's got her foot on the brake. Yeah, little girls can't drive. They can't drive a bus, right? So it is pretty wild and scary when you see that little girl part show up in those instances, right?

SPEAKER_02 45:06

So But the goal isn't to kick her off the bus, right? We want her there.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

Yep. We lovingly, gently get her out of the driver's seat. Lovingly and gently get her out of the driver's seat and explain to her she's safe, she's okay. You see that she's scared, you see that she needs support. She rightfully so when I would go visit my dad, she rightfully so got fearful and afraid because my dad or somebody would do or say something that triggered stuff for me, and poof, I'd turn into the little girl.

SPEAKER_02 45:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:38

Right? So she rightfully so would show up.

SPEAKER_02 45:41

And if that were, if that little girl part were to manifest herself physically in front of you, yeah, whether you knew she was an actual part of you or not, you wouldn't berate her, you wouldn't demean her, you wouldn't chastise her, you wouldn't do any of that, right? Correct, correct. You would treat her with kindness. You might even just wrap her up in your arms and say, Oh, sweetie, I know, I I know you're scared.

SPEAKER_00 46:04

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 46:05

And it's gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:06

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 46:07

You're safe.

SPEAKER_00 46:08

Yep. So Nathan, that's pretty sounds pretty easy for women to do. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 46:14

It's this is by the way, people, if you're wondering, this is one of the times I roll my eyes when she when she turns it around on me, then I roll my eyes. But she's all she's right. Yeah, it is harder for guys to do that.

SPEAKER_00 46:31

To love the little boy, right?

SPEAKER_02 46:33

Yeah, and I I think especially for it's it it to be true to be totally truthful, it is getting much easier.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Okay, good.

SPEAKER_02 46:40

But in the beginning, it was very hard because I was like, no, I'm supposed you don't understand, I'm supposed to be a man. People call me to fix problems.

SPEAKER_00 46:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:48

You know, I can't be having this conversation with you, dude.

SPEAKER_00 46:51

And and guess what your little boy's calling you to do?

SPEAKER_02 46:55

The little boy's calling me to do all those things just to fix the problems. Oh, interesting. I never thought about it.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

To fix his problems. He's at he's saying, hey, big Nathan. Big Nathan, I need your help. This is little Nathan. I need your help.

SPEAKER_02 47:15

Well, I've definitely started to, in my mind, have that mental image of that six-year-old, seven-year-old version in front of me.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

I love that.

SPEAKER_02 47:22

And just picking him up in my arms and wrapping my arms around him. And part of what makes that easier for me is I actually had a really good model of that in my uncle, who would actually be there.

SPEAKER_00 47:32

Yes, Nathan, we gotta talk about your uncle for a minute.

SPEAKER_02 47:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:36

I wish you guys, I wish, I wish, I wish I could have met him.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

Yeah, I do too. Yeah. And you will one day.

SPEAKER_00 47:42

I will one day. I will. Nathan, I don't know if you remember this, but you guys, the Lord has started giving me visions, and I I have sensed my dad and the great cloud of witnesses. And I'm not kidding, I don't know if you remember this, but I sense my dad standing next to his uncle, watching over how God is using each of us in each other's lives and helping all of you and whatever else God is calling us to do together. They were partnering, watching us in the great cloud of witnesses, cheering us on, Nathan. That is beautiful, cheering us on. So tell us a little bit about your uncle that modeled all these things. You are in pretty great part, you are the man you are because of your uncle. Absolutely. So tell us about your uncle.

SPEAKER_02 48:36

My uncle is one of the, if not the kindest, gentlest, most loving man that I think I probably have ever met. People loved being around him, they craved his presence, and I don't think they even, many of them didn't even know why, but he just emanated love. It was like he was at the fountain of a center of a pool.

SPEAKER_01 49:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:05

And these waves just emanated out from him that people couldn't see, but boy, did they feel it.

SPEAKER_01 49:10

Right.

SPEAKER_02 49:10

And they just wanted to be close to him. He was and he he went through his own he went through his own his own battles. He went through his own process. But, you know, when I came along, he okay, don't I don't remember exactly, but I think he was probably somewhere around 40 by the time that I first met him. And then as I think I became consciously aware, a lot of my memories of him are probably when he's around 50, and then from that point forward. And he just and when man, what one of my favorite things is when he would hug me, I've never felt anyone hug the way that he does. It because when he hugged you, he didn't just hug you with his arms, he hugged you with his entire being. And it yeah, it was just it was that's beautiful. And he's he is especially early on, the most significant, impactful male role model in my life.

SPEAKER_00 50:14

Yeah, that's powerful. And such a gift.

SPEAKER_02 50:18

A tremendous gift. A tremendous gift.

SPEAKER_00 50:21

Such a gift. God sends those gifts along the way. God sends the gifts to plant the seeds to nourish us and give us what we didn't have often growing up, right? And uh just all the things I've heard about your uncle. He was such a gift to you.

SPEAKER_02 50:41

Yeah, he was, and he was a gift, I think he was a gift to just about everyone in his life. People, and he wasn't perfect, no, no person is perfect.

SPEAKER_00 50:49

Right, we're not saying anybody's perfect, we know that. Jesus is the only one that's perfect, but he is perfecting us. Jesus is perfecting us, Nathan, from day to day to day. He's taken the little boy, the little girl, the adolescent boy, adolescent girl, all the parts of self. And he's bringing, he's doing a wonderful, mighty work in all the parts of self.

SPEAKER_02 51:10

So, with those parts of self, the goal is integration, right? And you've said this earlier. What does integration look like or feel like, look like from the outside, feel like internally when people have taken those parts of self and they're no longer at odds or at war with each other, but now they're they're on that bus and they're all having a good time and loving each other.

SPEAKER_00 51:36

It looks like a beautiful thing because I don't know that they're not gonna disappear. Those parts of self aren't gonna disappear. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 51:44

Yep. So whether I'm eight or eighty.

SPEAKER_00 51:46

Yep. Oh, Nathan, yes.

SPEAKER_02 51:48

That yes, that seven-year-old boy, he's gonna be there.

SPEAKER_00 51:52

Nathan, that yep, that triggered a memory. I think I told you this. I was in a different state one time at an amazing writer's advance, and I met a man that was-Cause mama don't retreat. That's right. I met a man that was sharing part of his story, and I think he was probably 75 or 80. And oh my gosh, like I tell you, I can see the parts of South from miles away, right? And oh, I can't, I don't want to give all the details because I I I love to honor people's privacy. But I could see his wounded little boy part very clear. He had experienced, he had been part of the foster care system, I think, throughout his life. And oh my gosh, just a little tidbit of the trauma that I heard. I was my heart broke. My heart broke. And I gently just went up to him and encouraged him to seek trauma therapy because I could still see that wounded little boy, and my heart just my heart hurt for that wounded little boy because I could see shame. I could see shame because the wounded little boy was often maybe prevalent with him. So I could see the shame he carried around that. Have you ever carried shame around your little boy part showing up?

SPEAKER_02 53:10

Absolutely, especially before I learned that that was like a a healthy normal thing, right? Not something that was bad or broken or wrong. I absolutely carried shame. And I I had a really strong desire to not let anyone else see that because I was like, if they see that little boy part, they're gonna think, boy, you are incapable of doing the stuff you're doing now.

SPEAKER_00 53:32

Right, right. Yep, yep. We do fear being judged, and I have been very much judged. Understandably so, though, right? I was married with two kids, and my little girl probably ran the show for quite a while. Right? She probably ran the show for quite a while. I remember vividly many times where man, I was probably late 20s, maybe early 30s, and I just would get in the bed and pull the covers over my head because I didn't have any coping skills. I didn't have any coping skills. So imagine you being a kid, you seeing your mom just like wigging out, not being able to get back into my window of tolerance, me being overly reactive about something. And I don't know, I would say sometimes overly reactive, but you know, when there's alcoholism involved and and past trauma for both of you, probably not overly dramatic all the time, but sometimes for sure overly dramatic. But honestly, I didn't have any skills and tools back then, and this is before becoming a therapist. I didn't become a therapist until my late 30s. And so looking back, man, after I became a therapist, I was like, dang, you know, and uh it only by the grace of God, Nathan, that we both sit here right now.

SPEAKER_02 54:47

You got that right. There is only by the yep only by just speaking for me, there are it would have been so much easier for me to go down the gang, drugs, booze, yep, path, and just get sucked into oblivion and man, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:12

Yeah, but by the grace of God, people ask me when they hear my story. Sometimes you guys they ask me, Sherry, like how, how, how did you make it? You've heard me say this before. If it weren't for me coming to know the Lord, yes, very stubbornly. Yes, I was very stubborn. Um, but I said yes.

SPEAKER_02 55:33

He he if you just leave me alone, Nathan.

SPEAKER_00 55:39

What are you referring to?

SPEAKER_02 55:42

I'm referring to when Sherry made the decision to to accept Jesus in her life after he had been pursuing her like a hound dog. Like a like a hound dog.

SPEAKER_00 55:54

And no disrespect to Jesus. He knows what I mean.

SPEAKER_02 55:58

And and she's in the church and she's grabbing the the pew in front of her and go, All right, fine! Yes, if you'll just leave me alone. Which is not how it works, just you don't get left alone. But anyway.

SPEAKER_00 56:12

You don't get left alone. Thank God you don't get left alone. Little did I know that I desperately needed to not get left alone. And man, a journey upon a journey upon a journey after that day at Sangary Baptist Church in Somerville, South Carolina. Can't tell you the year because you know I don't math. Um but I can tell you I was 26, 27 years old, holding on to the back of pew and back of the pew, and I was like, fine, yep, absolutely, as Nathan described it. And as I've shared with you guys before, that's when you had to walk up the aisle to the front of the church to, you know, surrender your life. And I can only imagine what I look like walking up that aisle, you know, and couldn't wait to get outside to smoke a cigarette after I walked down that aisle, right?

SPEAKER_02 57:00

Remember, all the parts of self are walking up there with me.

SPEAKER_00 57:04

Boy, she didn't know that. There was, I don't know who the smoker was. Probably the really angry adolescent was the smoker. But I think I've shared this with you guys. I kid you not. Like two days later, and you guys, I started smoking at age 13. I think I've told you that before. I started smoking at age 13. My mother found out, I don't know how quickly, let me smoke, like she let me do everything else. Um, because you know, my mom was battle weary, man. She was so battle weary between my dad and my sister and being a single parent, she was battle weary. I know that feeling. You know that feeling? Being battle weary. Um, yeah, whether you're a parent or not, you can get battle weary.

SPEAKER_02 57:50

And and if you're if you're at that point right now, if you're battle weary.

SPEAKER_00 57:54

Right, Nathan, yeah. What do they need to do? Yeah, what do they need to do?

SPEAKER_02 57:58

Well, if you're battle weary, I just want to encourage you not to be mean toward yourself, yeah, not to be judgmental, not to shoot on yourself or tell yourself where you ought to have done better, because like I read in the beginning, it's not the critic that counts, it's the man in the arena or the woman in the arena as the case may be. So I would just encourage you to be kind, to be compassionate, to be loving, to be understanding, to be forgiving, and to treat your battle-weary self the way that you would treat a battle-weary friend who came to you and talked to you about their struggles that are exactly the same as yours.

SPEAKER_00 58:40

Yep, absolutely. And if you're feeling hopeless or helpless or having thoughts, you know, of taking your life or harming yourself in any way, as you've read and can read in our notes, there's some resources there. And I would just highly encourage you, those thoughts and guys, I had them often. I had them often in that 28-year marriage. I had them often. I was recently at this most amazing event with the most amazing people. And um, I was talking to somebody and everybody else was listening, and I don't know if I realized everybody else was listening. And someone said to me, Sherry, if such and such hadn't, if such and such things would not have happened, I might not be here. And I was like, What do you what do you mean? Because my my you know, yeah, my therapist hat's been a little off. And you you guys, when I'm not in the office, the therapist hat, I try cognitively to take the therapist and the coach hat off. It's it's hard though, it's really hard, right? Um, but I said, What do you mean? And they were like, I wouldn't have been here. And then somebody else at the table said, Yeah, I felt that way last week. And then I said, Yep, I can relate. And Nathan, I don't remember what all the people did. You weren't there, so you can't help me. But I think everybody around the table just casually nodded, like, yeah, me too, me too. Um, and you guys, that was such a powerful event. It was, I I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe, I thought I was just talking to the one person. I could not believe that that happened. And that, you guys, that's straight up vulnerability. And it is vulnerability that takes the power away from the devil. When we share, oh, I'm gonna preach. You ready, Nathan? Where's my where's my pulpit? Um, I have a I have a pin microphone right now. Um when we share what the lies of the enemy are saying to us, whether the enemy's voice sounds like a parent, a teacher, a spouse, a child, a neighbor, a friend, sometimes friends can tell us lies. Um, when we share the lies of the enemy, it takes the air out of all the power that it feels like they have, right? Whether we have suicidal thoughts or we're hating on part of ourselves or all of ourselves or all the things, when we speak things out, and I do this all the time with my clients, I have them speak things out, and all of my spiritual children, Nathan can testify to this, when I have them speak things out, because I'll I'll notice things and I'll I'll be curious. I practice curiosity with them all the time, right? And I notice things and we process through things, and it's funny because Nathan and I, like I told you, 21-year-old apart twins, we'll sigh, like we'll have that hard conversation and on whether it's on the phone or in person, we'll both be like, that was a lot. That was a lot. Um, so yeah, guys, we have to love ourselves. We have to, we have to have community around us, whether it's a spiritual family, whether it's your actual family, whether it's your church family, your neighbors, your best friends. I don't know, whether it's your employer, whether it's grandma, grandpa, you know, we have to have those safe people around us. If you don't have safe people around you, go find them. Go find them, create them. That's what I do as a spiritual mother. We we together have created the most beautiful family. Some are our states away, which makes me sad that we don't get to hang out with everybody. But sometimes we do all get to hang out together. I think we've done that once. Get to hang out together, and it's amazing. It's amazing to me to see this family that has come together under the Lord's direction and how we just love on each other and support each other. It's amazing. So, Nathan, what are your famous words?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:54

My famous words are Sherry. Yes, Nathan. This is a good place to wrap up. I think so, Nathan. Okay, well, let's let's close with some gratitude.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:05

Would you like me to go first?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:07

Yes, please. I did get prepared though today, you guys.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:12

That's good. I I am not prepared. I kinda I kind of let this one flow as it does. What am I grateful for today? I am grateful for teachers. And I don't mean, I don't necessarily mean people who stand in a classroom or lecture from a podium or have a PhD behind their name.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:34

So good, Nathan.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:35

I am thankful for people who choose to teach and to share their knowledge, their wisdom, and their passion because from these people I have learned so much. And the best learning that I've ever had in my life has been as far away from a classroom as is humanly possible. I am so thankful for these people because the lessons I've learned from them have been incredibly impactful on my life. They continue to be. I continue to learn these lessons, and because they are generous and willing to share their knowledge, their experience, they help me make my life better. They're helping to make my life better.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:21

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:22

And all of us know some things. All of us don't know some things, also, but all of us know some things. And before all of us knew what we know now, we didn't. And we had to learn that in some way. Sometimes that's through your own experience, and sometimes it's through the knowledge and experience of others. So I also want to encourage you to share what you know with people, be willing to be generous with that knowledge and that experience so that you can help them learn what you know and improve their lives. That's what I'm grateful for.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:55

That is beautiful. Now I'm gonna embarrass you.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:58

Because you don't know it, but you were talking about yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:01

Oh okay, there was an eye roll. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:06

Yep. I wish you guys could have seen him this morning. This is this is when we need to be on video. He's not ready for that yet. But but I wish you could have seen him. Now, Sherry, I want you to take this butter and I want you to add whatever amount of cinnamon you think it needs. And he was adorable. This, I told you guys that I I've known he was a teacher, I've heard the stories, but I've never experienced him as a teacher. And man, you're you are an excellent teacher, Nathan. An excellent teacher.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:40

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:40

Whether it's in making cinnamon honey butter, or whether it's in liking the male species.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:52

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. She says through gritted teeth. She does.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:56

She does. Um, or whether it is, I don't know, you've taught me so many things. Um, so anyway, yeah, you're he was talking about himself and he didn't realize it. Okay, I am grateful. Oh, I just can't over-emphasize this enough. I'm grateful for Jesus, you guys. I tell people all the time, I don't know where I would be without him. I really, really don't. Um, from the first divorce to the second divorce to the really difficult adolescent years, I don't know where I'd be without him. I I think he had his hand on me all those years when I felt suicidal in that marriage and and desperate and hopeless. And I I certainly wouldn't be where I am today. I certainly would not be where I am today without him. Um, I I I meant to tell you this, and I think I've already said this. When I was talking about the smoking story, two days, I think, two days after I got saved, I had tried everything to quit smoking, and I've already shared this with you, but that's okay. Um, and then the pastor came to see me because you know, I went up that aisle, Nathan said yes. I gave God my first begrudging yes. Um the pastor came to visit and I was on the patio smoking, and I was like, oh crap, there's the pastor, put the cigarette out quick. And the Lord delivered me. That is when the Lord delivered me from smoking, and I did not smoke another cigarette since.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:22

That is unbelievable.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:23

Yep. And that's gonna be a good segue into our next um episode, you guys. Um, so I'm thankful for Jesus because I would not be who I am, I would not be where I am, I certainly would not be able to be a spiritual mother. Like, hello. Look at all the blessings I'm getting. The spiritual kids think they're getting all the blessings. Well, I got news for them. I'm getting a lot of blessings through them as well. Like we just love on each other in ways that I haven't experienced before, and I think maybe in ways they haven't experienced before either, or not often experienced. So, so I'm just grateful to the Lord. Grateful for prophetic words that he sends, grateful that he never leaves me, he never forsakes me, grateful that he is in me and I am in him and we are one. Grateful for the abilities that he's given me, the gifts that he's given me over the years. People might hear my prayers and they are they might go, like, oh my God, she's such a good prayer warrior. Well, you let me tell you, there's tons of stories about that. Like God calling me to pray or calling me to raise my hand and worship. I'm like, no, I'm not doing that. No. There's been a lot of stubborn nose, Nathan. Lots of growth in all the areas to become who he made me today. So I'm really grateful for him.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:43

And we are grateful that you've chosen to spend some of your very valuable, very limited time with us. Um, we always enjoy hanging out with you guys, and we hope you'll come and join us next time on Divine and Most Unlikely.