Difficult Emotions (Please see notes below for a correction needed at the 47.33 minute mark)

**Correction: At the 47.33 minute mark Sherri is talking about the enemy coming to steal, kill, and destroy in our thoughts, and she ACCIDENTALLY said that the Lord says these horrible things, but it is the enemy (not the Lord) of our soul that says these things. 

In this episodes we discuss:

1. Emotions coming out sideways
2. Response vs. reactions
3. Faith & psychology
4. Questioning origins of fear
5. Exploring how God sees us
6. Strategies for navigating wretched circumstances

If you feel triggered by any information in this podcast, or if you feel led to start your own therapeutic healing journey, please visit psychologytoday.com to find a mental health therapist in your area.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, please call 911 or 988 for support. You can also visit 988lifeline.org for more resources, and information.

Remember.....YOU MATTER!

To schedule a discovery session with Sherri, please go to Elevatetoabundantlife.com. 

The information provided in this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. We are not responsible for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of this podcast. This podcast is not intended to replace professional medical advice.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Divine and Most Unlikely. You're spending some time with us, Sherry Conran and Nathan. When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and nature's God entitle them. A decent respect of the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, that to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form as to them shall seem most likely to affect their safety and happiness. Prudence indeed would dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes. And accordingly, all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty to throw off such government and to provide new guards for their future security. Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies, and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present king of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world. He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good. He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained. And when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them. He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only. He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures. He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people. He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise. The state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without and convulsions from within. He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners, refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands. He has obstructed the administration of justice by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers. He has made judges dependent on his will alone for the tenure of their offices and the amount and payment of their salaries. He has erected a multitude of new offices and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people and eat out their substance. He has kept among us in times of peace standing armies without consent of our legislatures. He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to the civil power. He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution and unacknowledged by our laws, giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation, for quartering large bodies of troops among us, for protecting them by a mock trial from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states, for cutting off our trade with all parts of the world, for imposing taxes on us without our consent, for depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury, for transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses, for abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these colonies, for taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments, for suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever. He has abdicated government here by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us. He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people. He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation, and tyranny already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy, scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation. He has constrained our fellow citizens, taken captive on the high seas, to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands. He has excited domestic insurrections among us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of the frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes, and conditions. In every stage of these oppressions, we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms. Our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people. Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and our correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity which denounces our separation and hold them as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace, friends. We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in general Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare that these United Colonies are and of right ought to be free and independent states, that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain is and ought to be totally dissolved, and that as free and independent states, they have the power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor. We are recording this on the 5th of July, the day after Independence Day in America. And we both love this country very much, are very patriotic. We thought it very appropriate to read that Declaration of Independence. And I'll be brief with this, but I want to point out a couple of things important about the Direct Declaration of Independence that many of us might know, but hasn't had some of these things may not have sunk in quite yet. The first thing I want to point out is that early on in the Declaration, it tells us some very important things. First, it tells us where our rights come from. And what it says is that we assume the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and nature's God entitle them. Meaning our rights come to us and have been given to us by God. They are not given by man. We also, uh another thing is we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal. And that's very important because from the system of government we were under at that time, there was a belief in the monarchy that a person that was a king was born with the right to rule over others. And we do not believe that. We do not believe that any man has the right to rule over another without the consent of that first man. We it talks about the some of the unalienable rights, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And that list was not made to be comprehensive. It was an example of some of our unalienable rights, but it is not all of them. And then it tells us what the purpose of government is, because it says among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, that to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. And that means that the purpose of government is to secure the rights of its people. And the only powers the government receives come from the people themselves. We in this nation, the people are the sovereign. The government, the elected officials, the president who happens to be the chief of the executive, none of them are the sovereign. We the people are the sovereign. And then there's one last thing that I just want to point out, which is how our founding fathers believed and placed God in such an important role. So first we already talked about the laws of nature and nature's God. In a different portion, the declaration refers to the supreme judge being God. And we already talked about the law, the laws of nature and nature of God. So we have God appearing as a lawmaker, we have God appearing as the supreme judge. And I hope you're hearing some parallels with different branches of the government there. We have a legislative branch, we have a judicial branch. And then toward the end, the document says, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence. That is another reference to God in a different way. And we talked about the God being the supreme judge, the judicial branch, and we wouldn't trust any of those powers to be combined in any one man because any man, no matter how well-meaning, is still a man and is going to make mistakes. So we separate out the legislative, the executive, and the judicial branches so that we have separate, balanced, and co-equal um portions of our government. But thank you for the opportunity to read the declaration. It is a beautiful document, unique in its kind, and thank you for entertaining a little bit of discussion about why it matters so much. And now I'm gonna be quiet a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

Nathan, that was beautiful. You made this mama's heart very proud. I love the passion that you and I both have for our country and for um the Declaration of Independence and for all things that our country was founded on. And I love how in the Declaration of Independence it says there are no kings, right? And in, you know, in today's world, some people have the no kings rally, right? Um I in my heart, the only king is King Jesus, right? King Jesus. And I love how you made all the references or how the the Declaration of Independence made all the references to God, right? As our supreme authority, our supreme uh the one who legislates and judges and righteousness and all of the things. And so we are a blessed country, way more blessed than I think we can even know. And I, Nathan, you and I have talked a little bit about the clips of all of the people coming over to our country to participate in the World Cup and and how they were told lies about the USA, and they were told how dangerous it is. Don't come over here and how awful it is and all of the things. And they came over here and they fell in love with our great country with for many reasons. I mean, we we as a people, I have gotten the privilege, as my ex-husband was in the Navy, I have gotten the privilege to tour other countries, and we as a people in the United States don't have any idea how blessed we are. We really, really don't. And I do think that the Lord is bringing us, we've been through some things in this country, Nathan, with COVID, with the different uprisings of um different people having different beliefs, some people talking, you and I just had a conversation because of course you're also reading a book about the civil war, but some people talking about how we need to have a civil war, and you were like, they have no idea. They have no idea what they're talking about. Um, and and and yeah, I think in today's, I'm trying to be, I'm trying to, I'm trying to monitor what I'm saying because these days things are spoken and people are just taking little pieces of the truth and running with it, and they don't fully understand the little pieces of the truth that they're taking. Does that make sense? Absolutely. And again, not to get into that kind of conversation because that's not what our goal is for today. But um, I do believe God is bringing us back full circle to where he started us, um, to where he is on the throne again, not people, not not people in government, not different religions, not different beliefs, not all the things we've made God in this, in our in our great nation, but he is coming back. He wants to be revered and honored and um worshiped, right? And we've worshipped too many other, too many false gods, too many. We've worshipped ourselves, we've, yeah, yeah. But he's bringing, I believe in my heart of hearts, he's he's bringing redemption. You know, you and I've talked about how he's bringing redemption and restoration in my life, and I see him bringing that to other people's lives. I see him bringing that to the earth. So I think we're, I think great days are ahead, you guys. Great, great days are ahead. I I'm not God, so I don't know what that means, but I tell Nathan all the time, Nathan, it's coming. It's around the corner. He's on the precipice of pouring out his glory, bringing restoration to us, full restoration, full restoration to the earth. And before we started the podcast, I was reading Nathan, some of Romans 8, and how God does long, the earth, God does long to restore us and to restore the earth. And the earth is crying out for restoration right now because it's groaning from what we've done to the earth. Not only have we done things to ourselves, but we've done things to the earth, the very, the very land that we live on. And I have friends that are deeply called in the spiritual realm to bring restoration to the earth. They go and and the Lord shows them where blood has been poured out on the earth and they go and they speak life and restoration over that because Jesus says, whoo man, I could preach. Jesus says, His blood speaks a better word. And and that's what we need to, that's where we need to land is that his blood speaks a better word, and God is the um he's the final like ruler of all things, right? He's the creator of all things. The supreme creator, yeah. Supreme Creator, he's the redeemer.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

Yeah. And one other thing I just want to say about the the declaration, and and sort of the constitution as well, and while we transition, is that those words written in the declaration are absolutely beautiful. The Constitution, the Constitution, I have a hard time saying, is beautiful. It is profound, but it is not beautiful in the way the declaration is. But those words written are only made manifest when we live them. So it is up to us both to know and understand the words that are written in our hearts and then to live them in our daily lives. And if we do that, then we will without question reap the benefits of all of those things that were intended by our founding fathers. And when we don't, we the fruit that we reap is going to be a little more bitter, a little less sweet, and not quite what we were hoping for.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Yeah, that's good, Nathan. And just in case you're curious about learning more about the Constitution or the Declaration, Nathan was reading from a really cool book called, well, it's it's titled The Constitution of the United States with the Declaration of Independence and the Articles of Confederation, Introduction by R.B. Bernstein. In case you're interested, and in case you want to go learn more, I think it's imperative, um, honestly, I think it's imperative that we know more about our history and and where we truly came from. Nathan has been educating me. Um, I hate to confess this, but you know, I was in big time survival mode when I was younger, and I can I vividly remember being in history class, not paying any attention and kind of honestly cheating. I would look at the persons, literally look at the persons behind me paper. Um, and Nathan has just been teaching me a lot about history. He's kind of awakened up, um, awakened a hunger in me to know more about our country. And another little plug that I have no nothing to do with, but I recently went to see the movie Young Washington. Um, I think I saw it Friday, the day before July 4th, and man, it was so powerful, so powerful what George Washington went through and the the warrior that was within him um to fight. To fight for freedom. And he was a young boy that grew up on a farm. He wasn't allowed to go to school and get an education. His father died. You know, the therapist that's in me. Oh, it was so sad. His father died as he was a little boy, and he was a voracious learner. His mother, I I don't know. In the in the movie, he looked like he was probably five or six when his dad died. I don't know the actual age that he was when his dad died. But um, his mother gave him some journals, his father's journals to read, and he grabbed them and he ran away and he went and voraciously studied them. And then later on, his older brother gave him books to read, and he did the same thing with the books. Very much, you guys, very much reminds me of Nathan. Um, because Nathan is um, he loves, he's got a lot, just a lot of government, a love of government, a love of justice, a love of uh uh, I don't know, righteousness, good things in his heart. Um, and I told him as I was watching that movie, I was like, oh, I could see you in that character. The whole time I was watching the movie, I was like, oh, I could just so see you. But go see it if you haven't seen it yet. Um, it might stir up some, you know, some things that you want to explore more about our history. Um and as Nathan was even reading about the Civil War, uh, yeah, I'm like Nathan, I want to read those, I want to read the books when you're done. And I've I've just not had, you know, I've not had uh a desire to do that, but you're he's definitely giving me that desire because of the depth of his love for the country. And um, with all of the stuff that we've experienced in America, my goodness, it's been going for longer than we realize. I think the the deceptiveness, the evil, all the things have been happening for way longer than we realized. They they kind of crescendoed, I think, with COVID in 2020, that great trauma that we all went through together.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Um, but yeah, let's let's I think that's a really great place though to segue because we decided today that we wanted to talk about difficult emotions and how to how to work through them and work with them, deal with them, as opposed to I think at least well I won't speak for other people, but I will say that my default setting, especially pre-therapy. Now I'm I'm better now, not perfect, but pre-therapy was to sort of push all of that down and push it away as far away from me as possible and and ignore it and just beat it down and you know.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Say more about why that was for you, Nathan, as a man. I why were you prone to do that?

SPEAKER_02 24:47

I well, I think there's a couple of those things. One, I thought, I think I equated weak emotions with weakness. So if I have these these difficult emotions, then I'm weak. And then, but I'm a man and I can't be weak. I have to be strong.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 25:02

So I gotta pound those emotions down and bury them so that you know I don't have them. I think also a part of it was I was I was literally, and this is gonna sound completely irrational because it is, but I was afraid of the feelings, not of any the feelings, like I was just afraid of the discomfort of the feelings for sure, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

I don't think men are alone in that. I I I can see where men are afraid of the discomfort. I can tell you that I, as a woman, have been afraid of the discomfort too, of those feelings that what do we call them? We call them more difficult emotions, right? More difficult because and we talked at length a little bit about this the other day, like like why is it so hard to cry, right? Why is it so hard to cry? We talked about why is it hard to cry like in front of people versus versus by yourself? Like I think we both agreed it feels easier to cry when we're alone.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

Yes, it is, right?

SPEAKER_00 26:02

And then we were talking about crying in front of people, and you brought up our position, like oh posture, yeah. Yeah, posture. So say more about posture when we cry.

SPEAKER_02 26:12

Well, we were talking about why it's difficult to to cry, and and one of the things that we mutually agreed on is that crying feels vulnerable. And then I I'm gonna say a word that I thought that came to my mind, but crying feels weak, like I'm weak.

SPEAKER_01 26:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:28

And what we kind of discussed is well, in a in in one sense, when we cry, we are very vulnerable because what I said to Sherry is when you know when you cry, you don't you know stand up straight, chest out, chin back, and just you know, cry. That's not that's not how you cry.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

I I don't even think tears can come in that posture when you think I'm I I think you're right. I think it's very difficult. Maybe they can, as I think of like the military and having to stand up.

SPEAKER_02 26:54

At a funeral, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

Oh yeah, having to stand um at attention.

SPEAKER_02 27:00

At attention.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

I was missing the word at attention, and and oh yeah, yeah. So maybe it is possible in the circumstances.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

It's it just sort of leaks out of your eyes, you know.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

Yes, yep.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

But when we cry, we we hunch over and our shoulders are hunched and our eyes are downcast, and we're not looking up and out at a threat. We're not in a position where we're physically capable of defending ourselves or even aware of our our surroundings in a lot of cases. That is vulnerable, that is being vulnerable.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

It is, it is. So that is that can be scary, it can be hard to do. Yeah, but how do we feel after we do it?

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Better, better, definitely better. Better. I I really do think that we're releasing some stuff that I I don't even know how to articulate or define well, but I absolutely do believe that we're releasing some stuff that needs to be released. And from my own experience, what I have noticed is when I don't release that pressure that way, there's gonna be an escape valve where it gets released in a different way and it it looks less pretty, it's less productive, less beneficial for society.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

Less beneficial for society, yeah. So when we don't release emotions, Nathan, whether it's tears, whether it's anger, whether it's frustration, I'm gonna say some ways that I think it shows up, and I want you to share some ways that you think it shows up. I'm not a believer in road rage. I'm a believer. I am a believer that you get on the highway and you've got suppressed emotions that have been pushed down, pushed down, pushed down. Somebody pulls over in front of you, somebody hits their brakes quickly in front of you, and then all those emotions come out. I think that's a a really popular and classic example of how those uh sideways emotions, or that that's what I call emotions coming out sideways um can happen. I also think that um if you keep emotions suppressed and you go throughout your day and then this this challenging thing happens, and then another challenging thing happens, and if one more challenging thing happens, then that last person or situation that triggers that volcano is in for it, right? And they're gonna get they're gonna get, and this happens a lot, whether it's in relationships or on the job or on the highway, or even you guys in parenting. Sometimes our kids can push that very last button. Oh, yeah, right, that can send us over the edge. And so lots of reasons why it's important to not hang on to those difficult emotions or honestly any emotions at all. Have you thought of some ways that those emotions come out sideways?

SPEAKER_02 29:56

Absolutely. For me, I notice that I just my patience is very short, uh, or I'll have a shorter fuse than I normally would. And then I also will have an exaggerated emotional response. That so, and by the way, sometimes that comes out like I have um I'm not as able to keep that emotion in as I would like to be and choose to respond. Sometimes I just react a little bit more. And the reaction, the behavior that comes out in the reaction doesn't reflect, you know, what I really want to do.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

Right. Can can you say a little bit more about response versus reaction?

SPEAKER_02 30:33

Yeah, absolutely. A reaction, when I think reaction, I think, you know, when you go to the if okay, if you go to the doctor's office, because some of us don't go to the doctor's office, and when they do the freaking test with the reflex hammer on your knee and your your your leg sort of kicks out naturally, that's what I think of when I think reaction when it comes to emotion. You have an emotion, and then that just kind of comes straight out of you, unfiltered, unaltered, okay. And then responses where you that emotion, the same emotion still wells up, but there's a gate between what comes out of your mouth and what you're feeling in your chest. And at the gate, that thing stops, and you're like, okay, it's okay to feel that way. And is that really what you want to say right now? Yeah, it's really what I want to say. No, no, no, you're not hearing me. Do you really want to say that right now? No, I don't want to say that. Okay, what do you want to say? Well, I want to say this. Okay, can you make that a little more gentle? Fine. How about that? Yeah, it's okay. And then you send that out. And it doesn't have to take exactly that long, but but that's that's how it goes for me.

SPEAKER_03 31:45

That's a conversation I have to have with myself.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

Yeah, Nathan, so good, so good. And that is the internal dialogue that we do need to have when we have that reflexive um desire to react to something.

SPEAKER_01 31:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:59

Um, many years of my life I was very reactive until I did learn how to respond. And when you go through trauma, especially chronic childhood trauma or really any trauma, you can become more reactive versus responsive, which is why it's so important to see a therapist, talk with a friend, have a coach, however, you choose to find healing, definitely in prayer as well. And I'm a firm, firm believer that that faith and psychology needs to be married. I don't think it's one or the other. And um, I'm just gonna touch on this. I'm not gonna stay here long, but um, I think sometimes the the the the overarching church, you know, will say, Did you pray about it? Did you spend time with God about it? Did you do you need to pray some more about it? That that that lights a fuse in me because yeah, those are good things, those are good things. And sometimes we need to process our thoughts and emotions and trauma, traumatic events with a therapist or with someone else who's trained and can be empathetic and give you skills and tools and provide a safe space. I call that holding space, right? When in as a former therapist and as a life coach, I hold space for people and holding space for people and providing a safe space just for people to be seen and heard is 80% of the healing process. 80%. So even as a friend, if you can hold space for people, um, you're you're doing an awesome thing. Just holding space, not trying to fix, right, Nathan?

SPEAKER_02 33:41

Guys sometimes want to fix. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

Yep. And as a guy, as a dude, you're learning, you have learned and you do it well. But it's been a process, right? For you to learn how to hold space and not fix.

SPEAKER_02 33:54

We've had a lot of and by the way, that default natural instinct is still there, the instinct to fix. So it's just building a different habit.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Yeah, so he has to have that conversation with himself when that when that desire to fix shows up.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

Um, yeah, he has to have that conversation with himself. So let's go back to difficult emotions.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

We talked a little bit um, I think yesterday and this morning about what some difficult emotions are.

SPEAKER_02 34:23

Yeah. So like anger, fear, yeah, sadness.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

Um, I think this might be a little bit more of a physical sensation, but people also talk about like anxiety, um, depression. Um, those are the things. Oh, jealousy, envy. What else?

SPEAKER_00 34:44

Um, man, you've covered a lot of them. Uh, let me think. I you know, I think embarrassment.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

Oh, that's a really good one that I didn't think of.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

Embarrassment and emotional. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:58

I think so.

SPEAKER_00 34:59

Yeah. Definitely brings up a lot of feelings, right?

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

So Nathan um has taught me as a therapist not to call emotions good or bad. Right? Because it's similar to me on my healthy eating journey, which we're gonna give you an update on that. Remind me, Nathan, before we end today. We're gonna do an update on that. Um, emotions aren't good or bad, just like some food we refer to as good or bad, like well, welcome to the journey.

SPEAKER_03 35:35

The dishes are now done.

SPEAKER_00 35:40

Here's to just being real and vulnerable and not editing. Did you guys know you can get a dishwasher and a washer and dryer that can sing to you when the job when the job is done? My appliances, my appliances now sing to me. Um, and totally threw me off. Do you remember what I was saying?

SPEAKER_02 36:00

I think we were talking about some of those difficult emotions, talked about embarrassment and how that can bring up some fear.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're also talking about food or emotions not being good or bad. Because here's the deal when you call emotions or food good or bad, like if I say, you know, french fries are my nemesis, if I say I ate some French fries and I do think of them as bad because they've had a little bit of a hold on me, so freaking ridiculous that food can have any kind of hold on you, but it can, it can. I know, and I know I'm not alone in that. Um, but um when we think of food as good or bad or emotions as good or bad, then we think we're bad or we're good, right? And that's just not true. That's not true. Does not make me a bad person to eat french fries. I mean, that sounds quite ridiculous to say it out loud, right? When you think about it, if you were eating French fries, I wouldn't have to be friends.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

Oh, you yeah, you're bad now. You were good before you ate those french fries, but now that you ate them, you're bad.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

No, I would not say that to anybody else. But oh, the things we do in our own minds, you guys, the things we say to ourselves that we would never say to somebody else. And many times one of my interventions, still even as a life coach, but many times one of my interventions as a therapist interventions as a therapist was, would you say that to someone that you cared about? Would you say that to a friend?

SPEAKER_02 37:20

Yes, you have said that. You have asked me that question a number of times, and it is always one of those things that stops me in my tracks. And I'm like, uh, no, I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

Right? Okay, let's talk a little bit about the different kinds of fear, Nathan, because fear comes from two main sources. You want to elaborate on that?

SPEAKER_02 37:45

Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Okay, so I think of, and I I might be not thinking about this correctly, but I think of fear and anger as being fairly similar. Um but they're they're kind of related emotions, and I think anger is, especially for men, anger is what is a more societally acceptable thing to express, but anger is designed as a protective measure, and what it's overlying or protecting is fear. That fear has arisen from some other place, and then you've got to dig in and ask, where does this fear come from? Like, what is it that this fear is trying to tell me at this point?

SPEAKER_00 38:30

Yep. So in the therapy world, we use an iceberg and we write like the picture. If you think about an iceberg, and the tip of the iceberg is the fear, and then we look at what are all the other emotions under that and where did that fear come from? Did it come from sadness? Did it come from embarrassment? Did it come from um a scary event that you experienced? It can come from a lot of different places, but that is what we call fear and we call anger a secondary emotion, right? We call mostly anger a secondary emotion. But what what I was thinking about fear having two sources is that um God has given us God has given us a fear, fear as an emotion in order to protect us, right? So you were talking about if we were out in the woods.

SPEAKER_02 39:21

Yeah, if we're if we're out in the woods, listen, I'm just gonna confess to you guys. Look, when I look most animals in the eye, I'm like, yeah, I could take you. I'm not, you know, whatever. You might get a little bit in or something, but end of the day, you're going down. There are some animals, on the other hand, that I do not feel like that with. And one of them is if you've ever I've once I've locked eyes with a bear, I've been like, oh no, I don't think I can beat you up, man. Like, you're gonna that's not gonna go well.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:48

And so that fear is, I do believe, a God-given thing with 100%, with the intent of helping keep me alive, so that I don't go up and talk smack to a bear that's gonna make me like a French fry to him. Oh, and then feel bad about it, maybe. I don't think you'd feel bad about it. Um but then, but then, you know, another fear might be something more like, hey, you know, I'm afraid to try this because I won't be good at it. And that type of fear is a different thing. That's right. That type of fear arises from a different source. And what Sherry and I were talking about is that fear can be a trick of the enemy.

SPEAKER_03 40:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:34

And it can be designed intentionally to keep us from, it keeps us constrained and restrained to keep us from living the fullest and best version of our identity and executing on a mission because we're afraid that we might not be good at this or that thing.

SPEAKER_00 40:53

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So well spoken, Nathan. And you know I gotta put my verse in again right here. John 10, 10, right? The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but Christ came so that we could have life and life abundantly. And so the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. So you touched on identity. So he comes to steal our identity, right? When things happen to us, and we've talked about this before, but we're gonna talk about it again. When things happen to us in life, especially childhood chronic trauma, we grow up thinking all the wrong things about ourselves. I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not worthy, I'm not this, I'm not that. And um, as you've heard from me, and and you're gonna hear Nathan's story one day, that um it took me years to fight off those beliefs. I'm still fighting off some of those lies. I know they're lies, and my logical side of my brain, I know they're lies, and I live, eat, and breathe, John 1010. And I'm still struggling with some of those lies with weight equaling um like not lovable sometimes or or not good enough sometimes, you know.

SPEAKER_02 42:05

Yeah, and well, like look at look at Moses even. Yeah, God said, Hey, I want you, hey dude, I want you to do this thing. And Moses, like, no, no, no, I no, you don't mean me. Right? I right I don't understand. I'm I'm slow of tongue. You must mean my brother Aaron. He's a much better speaker.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 42:19

No, I I meant I meant you, but I no, I I want you to do this.

SPEAKER_00 42:25

Yep, yeah, yep. And Nathan, I think you've struggled with that to some degree as well. Like some of the things that I believe. Oh wish it does. Oh man. One day when we add the video, we'll be able to see. Yeah, yeah, you guys, when God tells us what he calls us, um, we've talked about what God has called us. God has called Nathan a king, God has called me Mother to the Nations, He's called me Joyful Extirpator, He's called me a breaker, and I'm like, whoa, to all of those things. Like, like, especially Mother to the Nations, like, Lord, what does that even mean? Um, so he he, if you ask him, guys, go ask him what he calls you. If you just go to him in prayer and say, Lord, what do you call me?

SPEAKER_02 43:20

And how do you see me? Yeah, how do you speak about me? What do you believe about me?

SPEAKER_00 43:25

What do you say about me? Yeah, what do you say about me, Lord? Yep, what do you say about me?

SPEAKER_02 43:30

And then I think when you have when we have some of these things that we believe about ourselves, some of these negative things that we believe about ourselves, one of the things that you have taught me, which was absolutely earth-changing to me, was to ask, like, do you think that comes from God? Is like, do you you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 43:51

I do know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. I I know that God didn't ever call me unlovable or or not good enough.

SPEAKER_03 44:00

I'm just thinking about that picture of you as a little girl. You guys, I gotta tell you that little girl is so lovable. I mean, so is the adult, but that little girl is so lovable.

SPEAKER_00 44:13

One day, you guys, so I think you guys know I have a good handful of spiritual children. And one day three of us swapped, three of us swapped pictures of um, so it was both my sons sent me their little boy pictures, and oh my gosh, you guys. And then I sent them my little girl picture, and I was like, oh, I can't believe I just did that, but I did that. Um, and and now I know I told Nathan after I saw his the little boy picture, I was like, now I know why I always want to grab both of your cheeks. I always want to grab both of his cheeks and just squeeze them. Um because oh my gosh, just an adorable, adorable little boy. Both of them were so adorable. The pictures were just adorable. So yeah, the enemy comes, and Nathan used the word when we were talking about this earlier. He used the word paralyze. The enemy comes to paralyze us because you guys, we all have callings on our lives. We all have what I refer to as a blueprint. I'm hearing more and more in the spiritual realm how it's being talked about as mapping, spiritual mapping. Um I literally heard on a sermon the other day, and we're gonna do a podcast on this too, just how we see God showing up and and doing what, doing the things that he does. But I was listening to Oasis Church in Ohio, Tim Sheet's Church, and Jen Tringale was preaching. And um I think I've shared with you guys, God gives me visions in my prayers, he gives me prophetic words. And when I pray for my spiritual children, he will give me prophetic words and I will see pictures. And I have seen pictures multiple times when I prayed for Nathan and my other children. Um, and one of the pictures I see, I I just about fell out of my chair when I was listening to this because Jen was talking about how I think it was a dream she had, or she was praying and she saw this. And she said she was in the mapping room with Jesus and angels looking over her blueprint, and I was like, oh my gosh, I didn't know it was called the mapping room, but more than once with both of my sons, I have seen Jesus, the angels, and my sons looking over their blueprint together. And I was just like, whoa! But God is moving in ways, you guys, that I like that's new for me. The visions that's new for me, seeing things, the prophetic words is is is like I've always had some sprinkling of gift of prophecy, but that's increasing. I'm telling you, God is doing things on the earth today that we have not seen before, and that's gonna continue to increase. We're gonna see the book of Acts come to life like we've never seen it come to life before. So, little side note with that, Nathan. You know, I got a little preaching in me there. So we don't want to allow the enemy to paralyze, steal, kill, and destroy. So we want to embrace the fear that God put in us to keep us safe. And when fear comes otherwise, saying, You don't have a purpose, your time here is done. Sometimes the Lord even says, Why don't you just end your life? You don't have any purpose here. Why don't you just end your life? And and I think I shared with you, I was sitting around a table the other day where we all talked about how we've heard that that that those words come up in our mind. Why don't you just end your life? You know? And and then recently somebody that wasn't at that table shared with the group that I was with that they did try to end their life as a teenager. And I want to tell you, the person that said that is a beloved daughter, a beloved spiritual daughter. And I hope you're listening because there's so much fire on you. You are so spirit-filled for revival and for all things kingdom. You burn like you guys when she and I get together, she almost takes me out every time because she's burning so bright and hard for the Lord. And I hope you're listening. I'm not gonna say your name, but I hope you're listening because that's why the enemy came so strongly to take her out, Nathan. That's why he came so strongly to try to take you out because you also have a huge calling. And I believe God has shared with me my calling, and he came and tried to take me out. I had those same thoughts I've shared, you know, when I was in a marriage that I was just totally miserable in, and I would be driving down a freeway and I would hear a voice saying, just drive off, just drive off into the water below you, just be done. It's okay to just be done, you know, yeah, and thankfully, thankfully, the Lord helped me overcome those voices when they would show up, right?

SPEAKER_02 49:07

Yeah, and that's a great example of where we feel like that that place, that wretched place that we're in, that hurts so much, we feel like that is the the permanent state that we're gonna reside in. And we feel like the only way to get out of it is to end our lives. And a lot, my experiences with people who have been suicidal, most of them don't actually want to die. No, they're just at all, they're just trying to turn the pain off.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

Yep, yep, that's so true now.

SPEAKER_02 49:42

And they come up with this permanent solution to a temporary problem. And I think that relates to something that we've discussed a couple of times, which is when you're in that that feet that place of having these difficult, wretched feelings, first of all, just recognize that is normal, it is a part of the human condition. Uh and also recognize that that believe it or not, um that wretched feeling will pass in time. And it won't be like a light switch where it's it's terrible one day and then it's gone the next. Depending on what you're going through, that may that process may take a while, but the severity and the intensity will gradually decrease over time. And Sherry reminded me of a a coping strategy that it's quite clever, quite clever.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

He didn't know it. I didn't know it.

SPEAKER_02 50:37

I actually thought it was I actually thought it was bad, and I I yeah, but when when I have been in the the darkest places in my life where I absolutely wanted to kill myself just to to freaking end the pain, what I started to do with myself is I'd have a discussion and I'd say, hey man, it's totally okay to kill yourself. No problem, you can do that, but do it tomorrow, not today. You can do it tomorrow, no problem, but you can't kill yourself today. So then I'd have that discussion with myself every day, you know, wake up the next day, or sometimes I wouldn't even sleep into the next day, but it's now the next day, and I'd go, All right, you know, this sucks. You can kill yourself tomorrow. No problem, just not today.

SPEAKER_00 51:18

Yeah, I just it it breaks my heart to hear it, but I do think it was a brilliant strategy.

SPEAKER_02 51:23

And I I will say, just for people out there, if you find yourself in the same position, what I want to tell you is I made that deal with myself literally every day for six months. But somewhere around that six month mark, there was a day where I didn't have the conversation with myself, and I didn't even realize it until the end of the day. And I was like, hey, you didn't talk about killing yourself today. That's weird. I think that's progress. You know?

SPEAKER_00 51:55

Totally progress, totally progress. Yes. So if you are someone who has been in that place or you are in that place, please know that feelings do not last forever, even though they feel like they do. I don't know how long. It was quite a while, honestly, that I went through the hard time with depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts and stuff because I felt so suppressed in that marriage. But it wasn't just the marriage, it was all of the unprocessed trauma that I had that was getting triggered, triggered, triggered, triggered by the marriage. And some situations that we're in, oh my gosh, can they be so triggering? They really, really can.

SPEAKER_02 52:40

And I want to add something to what you said. So you said, you know, that the emotions don't last forever, but neither do the circumstances. Amen, Nathan. Go to a window, stand outside, and look at the weather. Yeah, and the weather's gonna change, right? Our circumstances change as well, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. But when you're in that wretched place, yeah, the direction, the the only direction you've got to go is up.

SPEAKER_00 53:07

That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 53:09

And and things, those circumstances will change.

SPEAKER_00 53:11

Yep, yep. So if you're in a place of hopelessness, Nathan and I are gonna stand in hope for you right now. Absolutely that you're gonna get out of that place of hopelessness. And if you are in that space, I highly want to encourage you to reach out to a pastor, a trusted friend, a teacher, a counselor, a therapist, a coach. I mean, there are many, many, many, many people who care. Many people who care about you. Don't listen to any lies that the devil may be telling you that no one cares. No one cares. Just go ahead. No one will miss you. Go ahead. Don't listen to those lies. And I have to remind you guys, I'm no longer a therapist, right? But this is just information that I want to share with you because I do know in this season on the earth, we talked about the Declaration of Independence, we talked about COVID and all of the really big challenges that COVID brought us. And many of you are suffering from long COVID. Many of you don't have your sense of smell back or your sense of taste back, which is horrific. Many of you can't breathe very well still, which is horrific. It was that was a life-changing event for all of us, regardless. There was a uh a spectrum on which everybody experienced that. Um, but it it impacted all of us. And I I used to tell my clients during that time, look, I'm going through this traumatic event as the same time as you. Never have I ever been a therapist back in the day where I went through something at the same time as my client. I could share about my past trauma, hear about their past trauma, or maybe their current trauma, but man, with COVID, we went through it together, right? So don't give up hope. Reach out to someone, um, believe in God. Go talk to God. He's there with you, even if you're mad at him, even if you feel like he's not been a just God, even if you feel like he's not a righteous God. I went through all of that. I've shaken my fist at him. And you know what he did, Nathan, when I shook my fist at him?

SPEAKER_02 55:12

Did he love you?

SPEAKER_00 55:13

He loved me. He sure did. He loved me. And Karen and I have a my best friend Karen and I have a conversation all the time about um God not answering our whys. And I'm always like, well, Karen, he answered my why. And yes, sometimes I guess he doesn't. He, you know, I don't I don't understand everything, but he did answer my why about why he put me in the family that he put me in. Um and I'm just reading. I'm just looking up at my wall at this mirror that I have by my front door, and it says, live your dream, be passionate and fearless, believe in miracles, travel often, make every moment count, be your best self, be happy, remember to breathe, discover your passion, enjoy the little things. And you know what, guys? This brings me kind of full circle because what brought me a big thing that brought me out of depression and anxiety and all the things was gratitude, practicing gratitude.

SPEAKER_02 56:11

You were telling me about that, and I didn't I didn't realize that, but what I believe I remember you saying is that the the place in your brain where you feel fear, the amygdala, is also the same place where gratitude resides, but that the two feelings can't coexist at the same time. And so one of the things that you had suggested was that if you're in a place where you're feeling that fear, I mean, at a certain point you have to, you want to do a little metacognition to be aware that, okay, hey, this is what I'm feeling right now. But one of the things that you had suggested was okay, when you want to extricate yourself from that, then it's practicing gratitude. So asking yourself, what am I grateful for? And it doesn't need to be these massive, weighty things. It can be, I'm grateful that my feet are warm right now.

SPEAKER_00 57:08

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 57:09

I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head. I'm grateful that I have food in the refrigerator and I'm not worried about where my next meal is gonna come from. But that you, when you switch your brain's gear to gratitude, you help extricate yourself from fear.

SPEAKER_00 57:27

So, so, so good, Nathan. So good. Well, that came from you.

SPEAKER_03 57:32

That's probably why it's so good.

SPEAKER_00 57:34

Oh, Nathan, oh Nathan. Um, yeah, gratitude is so important, and and I so agree with everything Nathan said. It doesn't have to be huge things. That's one of the reasons I think I wanted us to close the podcast with gratitudes because I want to remind you guys often to practice gratitude. And um yeah, it's just super, super important. So while we were talking a little bit about fear, I wanted to just read a couple of scriptures. Oh, by the way, do you guys know there's 365 scriptures on fear?

SPEAKER_02 58:09

I learned that very recently. I did not know that for the vast majority of my life.

SPEAKER_00 58:14

Yep, yep. And I think there's 365 because the Lord knew that we were gonna need them. He knew the spiritual battles we were gonna go through, the physical battles, the emotional battles. I mean, we go through all the battles. And this isn't on fear, but Romans 8.28. I was talking to Nathan too about Romans 8 and how I believe God is bringing restoration to us as people and restoration to the earth that he created because we've all been suffering. Um, but Romans 8.28, um, also kind of a life verse to me, is that he will take what was meant for evil and turn it around and use it for good. But you have to let him.

SPEAKER_02 58:56

And can I add one thing to that? Of course. Yes, you have to let him. You have to be willing to be an active participant in the process. You have to be willing to co-create alongside him. So don't have the idea that you can sit like a potato on a counter and you're gonna magically get made into french fries.

SPEAKER_00 59:17

Nathan, Nathan, that one gets at least 20 points.

SPEAKER_03 59:22

You gotta work with him.

SPEAKER_00 59:26

So I think what you're saying is if I leave my potato on the counter and don't co-create with it, it will not turn into fries that I will. Not on its own. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 59:37

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 59:37

So any potatoes have to remain on the counter. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Um that was so good. I was so impressed with how he how he well, just so you guys know, I really like French fries too. Oh yeah. Yep, yep. All the things, Nathan. Okay, um, so 365 scriptures on fear in the Bible, and I just wanted to read a couple to you. Um, this is a really popular one, and it is one of my favorites. And if you will pause, like my training as an identity, as a coach is I as an identity coach under Jamie and Donna Winship. And part, a large part of what they're doing, and God is lighting on fire, is talking to God about our fears, talking to God about what he's saying about us, about our identity, about whatever is going on in our lives. These days in my journaling, I say, Lord, what do you want me to know today? And he will tell me. He'll tell me what he wants me to know. And if I have questions about what he wants me to know, he tells me. And I will say one of the main things, you know, a good handful of times clients will say, Well, I don't hear him very well. And I'll say one of the main reasons why I think sometimes we don't hear hear him very well is if we have unconfessed sins in our life, if fear is blocking that, or emotions or trauma can be blocking it, our perceptions of God can certainly be blocking it. I think I've shared with you guys uh several years ago, I was in Italy with a friend, my one of my favorite countries to be in, and I heard the Lord God, I heard God say, because I talk to Jesus a lot, I talk to Holy Spirit a lot, but I heard God say, Cherry, you don't talk to me very often. And I was like, Oh. And I had to repent for that because you know, God is seen as a man, he is so not a man, but he's seen as a man because we call him him, he, you know, um, give him masculine adjectives. Um but I had to work through that. I had to work through like having a difficult time talking to him, all connected to childhood stuff, right? Jesus represents our friend, Holy Spirit represents comforter, and God represents father. And if you've had a difficult father in the natural realm, it's not always easy to let God be the king of kings, um, the the sovereign leader of your heart, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:19

You're not my dad.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I recently am also looking at something else in my house. I recently got a banner with all the names of God, and you guys, I haven't counted, but there's a lot of names of God. And I want to just read a couple to you. Elohim is mighty creator, Emmanuel is God with us. El Hay is the living God, and this is one of my favorites. El Roy, the God who sees us. Because he sees us, Nathan. He sees us in the good and the bad and the ugly.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:53

And when he's looking at us in the ugly, he doesn't have his arms crossed and shaking his head and tapping his foot. He is still pouring his love and his acceptance and his grace and his mercy out over us, calling us back to him, just like he did in the story of the two sons, the prodigal son. You know, um, he just loved him back into his family, loved the prodigal back into his family. But let me go back and read two scriptures of on fear. So Isaiah 41, 10 says, So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. And I'm pretty sure that's in the New International Version. And with that, I would encourage you to sit and go look that up in your Bible. Or if you don't have a Bible, I would encourage you to get one. Um, but you can also download the Bible app. Um, but I would encourage you to go sit with that prayer and say, Lord, what do you want me to know about not fearing that you're with me? How are you with me? Right? Yeah, how are you with me? And Nathan has had God show up in lots of ways, yes, and lots of ways in his life. So go sit with him and ask, How are you with me? Why do you not want me to be dismayed? How can you strengthen me? How can you help me? How will you hold me up in your righteous right hand? Right?

SPEAKER_01 1:04:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:29

Yeah. Somebody in my identity exchange coaching group recently talked about how God filters everything that happens in our life through his hand. Right? So yeah, he just he just uses it all. I I I don't fully understand everything, but he does. And then the other scripture is Psalm 56, 3. When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Right? Even when we can't see, even when we don't know, I've got a ton of circumstances in my life that I don't see, I don't know. I feel like I'm in this in-between place being called out of being a therapist into a life coach. And the life coaching almost feels a little in-between. I'm not sure about that yet. Um, but yeah, there's a there's like there's a lot of things that we just aren't sure of. And repeatedly, Nathan, repeatedly, and I don't know if he didn't he recently tell you this. Maybe I'm mistaken, but repeatedly he tells me, Sherry, you don't need to know. I know, I know what's coming, I know what I have next for you. And he's just really teaching me truly how to be still, and I've been practicing. I've been practicing that intensely in the last six months, but I've been working to try to learn how to be still. Mostly for like I don't know, most of my life, I'd say, but really since being divorced for 10 or 11 years, really been trying to practice. Cause you guys, when you have a history of childhood trauma, That's not the easiest thing to do to be still, to surrender, to trust. All the things I'm encouraging you to do, it's not the easiest thing to do. I have be still tattooed on my left wrist. I think I've told you guys this before. I have be still on several pieces of wood in my house. I have it hanging in my office. It's everywhere. Because I need the reminders all the time, Nathan. Do you need reminders to be still?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:24

I would, yes, sometimes. Sometimes. I it for me, it's almost like there's two different gears.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:31

And one is like if I'm in work gear, then it's just like just hammer at whatever it is. And then when I'm in island boy mode, that dude does not need any reminder to be still because he loves to be still, especially out in nature.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:46

But I do think that when I forget that is when I allow myself to become very task focused, and I'm worried about doing this thing and the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. And then being still that's not on the task list, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:01

You do a better job at being still for sure than I do. He's he's currently, you guys, he's currently in retirement.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:08

Yes, it is wonderful. I, you know, this retirement is going so well, I don't even know why I was working in the first place. Hell with it. That's for the birds.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:16

Retirement, you guys, aka vacation days.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:20

I'm taking two weeks off, and this is it's been phenomenal.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:23

I'm like, Nathan, what'd you do today? And he's like, Sherry. I sat out in the backyard and it was totally quiet. And it was wonderful and fabulous.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:37

I'm there right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:39

He's there right now. I love it. I love it, love it, love it. So beautiful. So, as I talked about earlier, Nathan, when I shared, I felt like the Lord led me to share my my journey with being overweight, all the lies attached to that, even shared the number on the scale. And it's, you know, I've been doing this this plan, and I don't even want to call it a plan because it's not a plan. It is truly like the Lord told me the seventh time around is gonna be your final round. I don't know if this is literally my seventh time around. I feel like I've gone a hundred times around, but maybe, maybe it is my seventh. I don't know, it just feels like a hundred. But um the plan is just to be mindful of what I'm eating, understanding what I eat, what it does to my body, how it breaks down. Does it break down as fat, sugars? How does it break down? How's it stored? If there's too much of too much sugar in my body, then it gets stored at, and Nathan can say more easier than me, but that's okay, you don't have to. But um, just learning all the things about food and learning about how to balance the food on my plate, learning, and I've I do I am familiar with the 80-20 rule, but just allowing yourself like the other day I had a donut. Now I did feel kind of bad about it afterwards, but I love donuts. Nathan's face looks really dreamy right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:00

Oh, like Homer, you know, donuts. Donuts.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:05

Um, my office brings in flipping donuts every Wednesday, and some days my eyes don't divert to the kitchen when I walk in the door, and other days they do divert. Then this week I diverted to the kitchen and I had a chocolate, chocolate glazed donut. And kind of felt bad about it, but guess what, you guys? I um so I'm three weeks in, and I think so the initial number was 280, and then I went up to like 282.5, and I'm like, what the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. And then I got on the scale, I think it was yesterday or day before, and you guys, it was 279.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:43

Dang. I know that is awesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:46

Yes, and I think I can't explain why why such a big amount and and no losses, a little bit of gain, and then a big amount. But I am drinking for the most part 80 ounces of water. I think that's a that's a big deal. I am writing down everything that I'm eating, and you guys, it's not triggering to me. It used to be triggering to me to have to write down because I've done that, I've done that for so many times and it just didn't work, but it's not triggering. And I I just know that this is the time, and I sense the Holy Spirit putting like Holy Spirit fire to it, and I'm I'm inviting him to put Holy Spirit fire to it so it can be like an accelerated process, right? Because I think we're living in a season of acceleration, you guys. Um, I think Nathan can attest to that with his healing from childhood trauma and um other clients, I think, can attest to that because when you and you know what, guys, we're just the vessels, we're just the vessels, but the Holy Spirit shows up and flows through those who are willing to be his vessels. It is powerful, and he's falling and he's just falling strongly. I had my prayer meeting. Well, let me not go there yet. I'll tell you that, tell you about that in just a minute. But so I'm at 279. I've been exercising this week. I did four days this week. I think last week was three, but um my goal is three to five at 30 minutes each time, and all of my friends have been saying, Sherry, just exercise, just exercise. I was talking to a daughter yesterday and I was like, I don't want to. And she was like, I don't want to either. I'm gonna go on a walk. You're gonna go in the gym and do it. And then I talked about, well, I don't know what happened, but before noon, I got this done and this done and this done and this done. And I was like, what is going on? And my daughter was like, it's exercising. It's because you moved your body. And I'm like, all right, fine, I'll give it, I'll give you that. But I do think it's true. After I moved my body when I didn't want to, because tell me what happens when you move out, chim, when you move out. When you move your body, tell me what happens chemically in your body.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:54

Well, chemically, when you move your body, you're moving a bunch of blood around, you're oxygenating some parts, you're releasing some endorphins from exercise and stuff like that. And let me just say this, because we all know this Newton's laws of motion, you know, an object at rest will stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. But an object in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. That's right, mama. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:20

I knew you're gonna have the best answer, Nathan. I knew you're gonna have the best answer. So if anybody is joining me on this journey, don't despair. It is a process. Let it be a process. But here's my mindset. My mindset is I want to eat um a vegetable over a cookie because of how a vegetable is gonna break down in my body, because of what a vegetable is gonna do to my body. A cookie is gonna meet some emotion I have for about two seconds. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:01

Oh, that was funny.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:02

Well, because men go there too, don't you?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:05

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:06

Yeah, he brought over.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:11

They're healthy though.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:12

They're healthy or healthy er.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:14

Healthy er. They're actually they're actually really healthy and they're really good. So, you guys, you don't like in a conversation with that same daughter a couple weeks ago, the word deprivation came up. And when we think about losing weight, man, I got a lot of things I could preach on, Nathan. When we think about losing weight, we think about deprivation, like, no, I don't, I can't, because I know I won't get to eat whatever. I won't get to eat french fries. Well, guess what, you guys? This week, and I bought some their sweet potato fries and they're gluten-free, and they're all the things, they're all good things. And I put it in my air fryer, and they man fulfilled that need for french fries. And I lost three and a half pounds this week, and I ate french fries. I ate french fries, but the thing that Nathan bought brought over, they're from Costco, and he and I both buy them and like them. And he brought three. I'm like, Nathan, you're gonna eat three of those? And he's like, No, one's for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:09

But the truth was, I was going to eat three.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:15

But they are called skinny dip, they're like a Reese's peanut butter cup, but with dark chocolate. And there's only three grams of sugar per piece, and that really takes like a lot of women, I think. Maybe men too, but we have like I'll speak for myself, I guess. I have after I eat a meal, I'm kind of like, mmm, I want something sweet now.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:34

Yes, absolutely. I'm the same way. Yep, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:36

Yep, I want something sweet now, and this little guy will do that trick. This little, this little skinny dip. Um, Reese, it's not Reese's peanut butter cup, but it's called skinny dip. But anyway, Costco has those. So no deprivation. I have not been feeling deprived because I'm following the 80-20 rule. Um, so I haven't been feeling deprived. So if you're on the journey with me, stay on the journey with me. Know it's a process. Ask for God to meet you in the journey, to walk with you through it, to give you the strength and the courage and all the things it takes, and to go move your body, even when you don't want to move your body. I I've had pain in my legs, and as a therapist for years, I've told people with chronic pain, like, I know it's hard to move, but if you move, it's gonna release some of that pain. And I fell into that same trap. When you have pain in your legs, and exercising involves almost always your legs, um, um, it's hard. It's hard. You don't want to do it, but you have to go do it. Even if you do it for for five or ten minutes. I think I, you know, I'll go between when I do aerobic exercise, I'll go in between the rower and the stationary bike. And um yeah, yeah. It's just once you get it, once you get it going, it's just easy to, it's easier to just do it. Put on a podcast, put on music, listen to an audiobook, talk to friends, my girlfriends, you guys. Nathan laughs at me about this, but I think it's I think it's of the Lord. Um twice, once last week, and I think, no, twice in the same week, I think. And people don't usually randomly call me because I can't answer my phone very often. But twice they called me at different times when I was exercising, and I got to talk to them while I was exercising, and I got off the bicycle one day, Nathan. I told you about this. I went five miles, five miles on the bicycle and five minutes over my planned time, and I was like, what? But yeah, so now I try to have conversations while I'm working out. Nathan's like, no, no, no conversations in the gym. He he he goes to a gym and I have a gym down the hallway, and I have stuff in my spare bedroom that I use, so I can have conversations, but women, you know, I think we have conversations like frequently and often, and and men, men, men, men do not even think about that.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:02

No, right? I don't want any conversation at the gym. Um but there was I don't don't even look at me by the way, if we're at the gym. That's fine too. Also, what I was gonna say is that that feeling of not wanting to work out, that is definitely something that I have um also fought against over the years. And it's taken me a couple years to get here, but here's where I am now for the most part. Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect at it every day, but I bet 80 to 90 percent of the time I'm I'm here now, yeah, I have realized that that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I don't want to work, it doesn't matter if I don't feel like it. Now, if I'm sick, that's a different story. But just the general I don't feel like it, it doesn't matter. So what I've started to tell myself over the years is dude, I didn't ask you. Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. We're going to the gym. And then now what I've found is that that that voice, that yeah, yeah, that thief, that one liar, yeah, that one, yeah, he doesn't talk as much anymore because he doesn't get listened to.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:57

Ooh, ooh, Nathan, I love that. I love that. And you guys, I do think the enemy would even come to steal, kill, and destroy in that arena too, because he doesn't want us taking care of ourselves. He wants us to struggle, whether it's with weight or addiction or trauma from the past or whatever. He wants us to struggle because those struggles keep us believing lies about ourselves, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:18:20

Absolutely, and they make us less capable. Yep. If we're yep, if we're not strong, if we're sick, if we're whatever, we're less capable.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:29

Yep, yep. And I can assure you, like um any famous pastor, let's say Franklin Graham or Billy Graham, his dad, or let's say John Maxwell, a famous coach, any anybody that has that has showed up on your TV, on your YouTube, on Instagram, Facebook, uh, Twitter, what else? The one I don't have, the newest, what's the newest one?

SPEAKER_02 1:18:57

I don't know what these kids do nowadays. Instagram, Pinterest, no, there's a there's one more Snapchat.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:02

Yeah, no, no. Dang, I'll think of it, but you guys probably know what I'm trying to think of. Um, but when people you see people show up and they have great confidence, I can assure you they've gone through this process of fighting with themselves, like, who am I to get up and say this? And I'm not an expert. And Nathan has even said, Sherry, I don't uh have a degree in that. I'm not an expert in this or that. And I said, Nathan, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Um he's like, but Sherry, like people like uh schools or whatever expect you. And I was like, I don't care, it doesn't matter. But anyway, I'm just saying that to say that we all struggle. We all have struggled. It doesn't matter how confident a pastor looks, how confident maybe um Billy Graham looked and what he did. I'm sure he had to fight off those voices too. We I don't think any of us gets a free pass from that.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:54

I also think though that sometimes real confidence, not the kind that's boastful, arrogant, loud, ostentatious, but real confidence, the kind of confidence like when I when I'm talking about this, I'm talking about like old cowboy confidence. That real confidence often comes from times where you were in difficult situations, you had significant doubt, you didn't think you were gonna be able to rise to the level of the occasion, you didn't think you were gonna be able to do this, and then you proved yourself wrong by doing it.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:31

That's right, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:32

And I think if you do that enough times and if you allow yourself to learn the lessons from that, you start to recognize hey, I don't know everything. Right, I am not the best at everything, I don't know how this is gonna go, but here's what I know I know that I'm gonna put one foot in front of the other, that I'm gonna walk through the situation, that I will figure it out, and in the end, we will win.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:58

Amen.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:59

Just keep going.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:01

Amen. That's right. Don't quit.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:02

Don't quit.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:03

One step at a time. Nathan pointed to my bracelet. This bracelet came from uh a journey, the the weight battle. It came from a woman that I was following. She still has a pretty strong following, and I don't know her online name, but um, about weight loss and body image, because oh, she was going through it too. And um I got a leather bracelet with don't quit today on it. And that leather bracelet, just looking down at that some days, you guys, I could cry because that that was enough. That was enough to keep me going some days.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:37

So I hope that people out there, if you're if you're in a really difficult place, that is for you. Don't quit today.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:46

Don't quit today. You can quit tomorrow, but not today. But not today, right? Yep, and when you get up tomorrow, then it's today, and you can't quit today.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:58

So there you go.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:00

That's right, Nathan. I love that. Okay, what are your famous words?

SPEAKER_02 1:22:05

Well, Sherry, is this a good place for us to wrap up?

SPEAKER_00 1:22:08

It is okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:10

Well, we talked earlier on about how fear and gratitude can't really coexist in the same brain. So we'll close with some gratitude. And what I want to say that I'm grateful for today, especially just being, you know, right after the 4th of July, right after we've celebrated 250 years of existence as a country, I am so thankful to the men and women who fought against the incredible resistance and the inertia and the friction that they had to overcome to make this nation what it is. It was not self-evident that all men are created equal. That was not something that was self-evident, but once it was written, we have accepted it as such. And by the way, it wasn't just a matter of writing the words and oh boom, we're a nation. It required years and years of sacrifice of people's fortunes, their lives, their limbs over and over again to create the nation that we have. And those sacrifices don't stop. We don't, there is no end destination. We have to keep creating this nation and keep living the principles upon which this nation was founded. And I'm so grateful for those men and women that have done that, and I am so grateful that I have the privilege of being born here and living here in this great nation.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:50

That's beautiful, Nathan. I echo the same gratitude, the same gratitude. We don't stop. You know, I went to a fabulous fireworks display yesterday, had a lot of trials during the time of attending the display. Um, I am grateful. We we got there and it sprinkled and it poured and poured and poured, and it was on a boat. We were gonna go on the boat, have dinner, and me and a girlfriend, daughter, um gonna go on the boat, on the water, have uh watch the fireworks, have a good dinner. And we didn't know, A, if we had we had to wait about 30 minutes to see if they were gonna let the boat out on the water, and B, we didn't know if they were gonna have the fireworks. So anyway, that all worked out for good. But I just I do want to piggyback on what Nathan said. We often, I think, we look forward the 4th of July to us as Americans today as fireworks.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:45

Wow. And it and it it's way, way, way more than fireworks. Way more than fireworks. There's a reason why we get to have the fireworks. There's a reason why we get to have the celebration. So, yes, I'm grateful that I got to go out on a boat, on water, eat a good meal, and see beautiful fireworks. I just have to copy him today because, um, or piggyback on what he's saying, because I too am grateful for what not just men and women and women have sacrificed too along the way. Yeah, whether it was back in the days when women worked in, was it rubber factories?

SPEAKER_02 1:25:22

Yeah, they work in factories during World War II to make tanks and planes and ammunition.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:26

Yeah, yep, yep. Women have done a lot to contribute, and women in the military today absolutely contribute. Um, but families that have sacrificed. Yes, children of service members that have sacrificed. Um, when you're a service member and you have a family, the family moves wherever the government tells you to go to most often. And if the family doesn't move with you, then you're separated. I think I told you a couple episodes ago, I met a man in the army and he was moving to Germany and his family wasn't coming with him. And I was like, How long are you gonna be there? And he's like, I don't know, probably a year or two. And I was like, Oh, that sounds rough. And he's like, Yeah, that's just what we know. That's what we know, you know. So they sacrifice much, they don't have a typical life like you have a typical life. They don't get to spend every Christmas or every Thanksgiving with family. Many, many, many times they're separated. And I used to teach, we we did a uh uh podcast on the military and stuff, and I used to teach people um right before they would get deployed, used to teach the soldiers before deployment like how to stay connected to their spouses, like maybe reading the same book and and talking about the same book because it's not like it's not like you're both here and talking about current events here, because they are there and they're talking, they're in they're typically deployed in a war zone, not always, but you know and they can't talk about all the things, right? They're instructed you cannot say this, you cannot say that. And so they quickly run out of things to talk about. So anyway, long story short, they sacrifice a lot. The you know, marriages have ended, all the things they sacrifice a lot, a lot, and they don't have the typical lives that we that we have today, right? They don't have, I don't know, it's just pretty atypical, but lots of sacrifices.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:14

Absolutely, yeah. And we're grateful for you. We are thankful that you've absolutely once again chosen to spend some of your very precious, valuable time with us, and we hope that you'll join us again here on Divine and Most Unlikely.