Ep 9, dirty drains & disaster dates

Shaking it up this week, Young Sydney & Clayton, viewers messages, new segments & dating disasters.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

I thought we could kick off this week with our Ps. Oh, change up. Protect and preserve. Little change up. Do you know what? Actually, how funny was this? Remember the other week, one of someone that you know messaged us to say that her partner, but they were talking, they were talking about something, and the partner went T and T. And she was like, What do you mean? And then he realized he meant P and P.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny. Well, it's good. It's it that's what's the purpose of it, is to people the the listeners to use it in their everyday lives to enhance their relationships. Didn't set out for that. It was just our way of saying you're really fucking me off, but I I'm I'm okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

I love you. This is my boundaries. Do you want to start off? Go on. Give us your P and P for the week for me. Go on. Can't imagine there's any, to be honest, but let's go.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Because you're perfect, aren't you? Absolutely perfect. Well, not so perfect. My my PP this week is. When you're on the back of the scooter, you it's like you don't have a watery in the world. Everything's hunky-dory, and the sun is shining. It's where you're on your phone, you're cruising around, snapping yourself. Meanwhile, I'm on the front, slug at the front line, trying to keep the trying to keep the scooter on the road, dodging potholes. I'm sweating, it's so hot, obviously, all the time here. It just pisses me off. You just don't listen. You're you're well, there's just two parts of this. One is before we even get on, we we're approaching the scooter, and Sydney, just like she's some sort of Kardashian, is like get me spears out, please. She's on her phone, not even looking at me, not even addressing me, just stands and waits and is like like she's a real busy business woman, just like it's the pegs for her feet to go on. She calls them spears, which is silver spears. Silver spears. I don't go get me spear. You almost click them, you almost click your fingers. It's kind of like what you do, you're like, spears out, let's go, hurry up, chop, chop. I'm like, and I'm just like, and I've said a couple of times, do you not have fucking hands? Like, can you get them out?

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Well, when I sit on the back of the moped, I can't then reach down because the balance goes off.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Yeah, but before you before you put your legs on, sweets, can you just not use your hands?

SPEAKER_01 2:27

I don't want to touch it.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Yes, the bottom line is you don't want to touch them and you think and you think it's a blue job.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

I think you're great at it, and I think you should keep going.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

There you go again. Do you do that thing that you just try and pump me up so I do the shit you don't want to do? Yeah. But you just so you get the spares out, and then I so I get the spares out, I put them out, you hop on, and then it's you just I've told you about it, is just your centre of gravity awareness is quite deplorable. One minor shift to the left or to the right can really change what's going on up the front of the bike, and you're switching hands with your phone, texting and calling people, and like it it I'm I'm about to approaching, say, a pothole and I've got to try and like scoot around it, and you just like you just lean, like you're just leaning and it just it's it's it's hard, it's hard yakabade. But hey, hey, hey, I I I'm picking up the body language, I've I've said my PMP, let's not harp on it too much.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

I would just like to say, I can't see much on the back other than the back of your scalp or your helmet that we keep headbutting each other on a journey because you break, I don't know, and then my head helmet smacks off the back of your hand.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Again, no no no scooter awareness, scooter awareness pause. And and funny fact, I went to go get some um groceries and a guy pulled up. He turns out he was Finnish actually, been living in um from Finland.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

Never been there for that.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

And he uh he was on like a really, really fancy scooter, and all the locals were all like, oh, like gawking at it, like and I sort of naturally fired up a conversation with him, like, oh no, how much that costs? He's like, oh blah blah blah blah. And I was telling him, I said, and he said it's really good for dinking people because when I got my missus on the back while we cruise with him, I'm like, oh, does it take out that like you know when they they move and they're they're they're and they're texting and and I try and tell my missus, and I was telling him this, and he just starts the smile started building, like he absolutely understood. He's like, Matt, he's like, Mate, I get it, I get it I get it, I get it. He's like, yeah, he's laughing, like, yeah, mate, it does. He goes, it doesn't matter how many how many times you tell him to like please help what you do translates to the front of the driving. But he had such a big scooter that he's like, mate, it takes that out of it. So next time we come, we're gonna hire a really, really well.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

I don't know if we should because I tried to ride it and it fell on top of me and I skidded it all, and it's brand new, so that's not great.

SPEAKER_00 4:35

We made sure we got a brand, brand new one and you've scratched it, so we're not looking forward to handing back the scooter, are we? No, no. It's coming off your card, not ours. Um, but that's mine and P and P. Love it. Well, I mean I'll take it on board.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

I can't imagine that you'd have Are you just saying the same as me? Are we now just talking the same as each other? Are you gonna say that you're sound perfect? I've got several. Yeah.

unknown 4:57

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Where do I start? That's what I've got to say. Where do I start with you? So, in front of me, I can see some lovely curtains over there. What do you sometimes like to do? He has got this one.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

I open and close them every morning and night for us.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

I opened them this morning. You went out when I was still asleep, I opened them this morning. Okay. Don't even start. Let me, let me talk about my P and P. Go sleep. Alright? Go to sleep. I didn't interrupt you. Okay. He's got this thing about textures. He goes up to the curtain and puts the folds of his cur of the curtain in between his fingers and rubs them up and down. And the other day I was going, can we go, sweets? And he's just like. You love, like, we have these candles back home with little mini batteries, like um remotes, and he sleeps with the fucking remote and he just quits. He twizzles it and he he like he loves it.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

In the crevice, in the crevice of my hand. My hand, I'm very sensory. I love textures, I'm very sensory. And the curtains are just the perfect like curve, and you can just dive your fingers in there and just dive them in and go down.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

And it's like when it's holding up my dinner, I can't be asked to wait for you. But P and P because I know you're like.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

What about in bed though, when I've got the when I like to hold on to the because the remote for context has night a really nice sharp edge. Yeah. And it's the right thickness that it and it's small, so I can hold it. And I can fall. It's like a it is a comforting.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

You need to get a little teddy.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

That's fucking weird.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

And then I wake up and it's wedged in between us or in between our pillows, and I'm like, and you're like, where's the remote? And I'm like, I don't know, you've been hugging it to death.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

It's funny you brought up the the candle remote.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

You love it, you go, and then we've got these like so. I bought one of those Stanley cups to put my coffee in, and he's got one. You've got a Yeti one, and he goes, No, but I really like the plastic and the cardboard on the cup, and he just sits there. That's right. Ding, ding, ding, playing with it, flicking it.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Also, Unreal is is plastic lids on coffee cups. You love it.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

It's so bad for the environment.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

You can just credit cards? Credit cards, not one. Oh, I could sit there and flick a flick the card this certain flick with the credit card. The sharp, you know, rough edges. Anything that's been clean cut.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

Well, P and P.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

Oh, don't get me going.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

Anyway, how has how have our weeks been? How's your week been?

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Uh, how's our weeks been? Been unreal. We've uh we've fitted in, fitted in heaps, done a a reasonable amount of work for our working holiday week. It's it's been good.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Oh, I had a bit of an incident though, didn't I last week?

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Oh, oh, which then followed on to another incident.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

It was just a cascade of incidents.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

It was a domino effect, you start.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

Okay, and you finish.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

I'll and I'll I'll I'll finish, but I'll try.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

So we were we were just we were going we were friends, weren't we?

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

We were going to Changgu and we were walking downstairs and he's carrying on like a pork chop, as he says, like messing about.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

And I'm you were really listening, you were laughing. I was looking at you dead in the eyes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Yeah, I was proper listening, yeah. And I was like laughing and really about to get on the scooter. Yeah, and he gets the scooter and then he keeps talking to me, and I just fall, and he just keeps talking to me straight on. He's like, Where have you gone?

SPEAKER_00 8:19

It was unbelievable. One one split second on talking to her, like making her laugh. I'm like, oh she's laughing, heaps here. This is cool. Like, I'll keep going. As we're like getting ready to get on the scooter, and I'm looking eye level with you, and then you weren't there. Ah, you like you like a magic trick, you vanished. You had taken a little step back to help to to just before you got on the scooter, and you put your foot down a hole, a drain, and you went right down into the drain with one whole leg right up to your ass crack.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

The the the the the drain size was honestly the size of the banana. I don't know how my foot fit through there.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Where did you use that as a fucking annoying?

SPEAKER_01 9:00

I was trying to think of something about that thing. We'll put we'll put a photo up. And I just went bang, and I just bought me havyanas, so I was holding on for dear life. My to my clo my claws of her toes were hanging on down the drain.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

So she's gone right down. For a second there, I I thought we'd lost you to the Indonesian sewer system. I was like, and I got so angry after it about about like, what is this construct? What is this hole? What is it? Why is this You were crying? I didn't cry. You had wet eyes, you said. I felt really teary. I just looked you. That was a thing after. Like we don't need to bring that up. It makes me sound soft. Anyway, um thought we'd lost yark. And then so so it was a small, it was just two pavers not covering a hole. So two smallish size pavers were not covering a really deep hole. Hole would have been about a metre and a half deep. Oh, easy. And and and so with your whole leg down there, you got about a meter's length of leg per leg. Then there was still another half meter drop so that if you let go of your your toe, your your heavy, which was hanging on by by a couple of toes, because I looked down there and there was full of black, shitty gunk. Oh, it's still. It was a fucking drain. Like a Suri, like a pretty anyway, and I could see your black covered halvy, your brand new silver halvy jazz hanging on you, like me heavy. That's all you said. Meanwhile, I could see some blood starting to form underneath your ass, cheek, hip area.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Good yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Yeah, like I'm like, I'm like, and I didn't know the damage to the toe, like, is there a nail missing? Like all sorts could have happened. But anyway, your main goal was to get this fucking heavy. And so I've just I I have got down on my chest onto the pavers and put my arm deep all the way down to grab the heavy and my foot.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Not just the hobby, you went like that.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

They help you get your foot out, and uh I got black, we got gunk all and shit all over my hand getting this javyana out. We rinsed it off quickly.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

And with a hose from the garden.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

With a hose from the garden that the lovely housekeeping let us do that, and then um off we went. We were in a rush, we're we were in a real rush, so we didn't come up and sanitize and all that sort of stuff. So didn't take over from here. We got up, we got up there, had our lunch and our dinner with our friends. No, we had a lunch. We went straight out, got up there, we went out for lunch and and just a couple of drinks, went back home, got changed. So I'm just giving you a time frame here because disaster absolute struggle street was upon us.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Got to dinner. We got to went to Numo Quattro, didn't we? Which is like a really nice Italian the food there in Changgu at Numo Quattro is unbelievable. Numero quattro, um is unbelievable.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Anyway, I wish I could have enjoyed it a bit more. When we sat down at entree, I it taste, I knew it tasted awesome, but halfway through the main, I was guys, I'm getting a fucking balloon knot in my my belly, was just felt like someone was just slowly pumping it up. I was going down with barley belly. And no, not that. It was like a was it just barley belly or was it like something more, more sensitive?

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Well, we don't know whether it was from the pina colada, because you we all we all shared our food, the whole of us, all four of us shared our food for the whole of the day. And but you had had your hand down a drain and you hadn't washed it with soap, so that could have been something that got you.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

You spent an hour and twenty on the bike touching my face and driving and wiping my eyes, you know, from the dust.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

It could have been the pina colada that you had, because none of us uh like we I'm putting it down to the shitty poo-y drain. So Well, you weren't unwell for that lot. I mean, honestly, it was like man down at dinner, and and I was like, you'd be fine. So we got him some buska pan, some gavis, everything possible to sort them out.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Charcoal chicken, we got some charcoal tablets, oh the whole shooting kebang, but it was wasn't enough. I tried to press, I tried to have another couple of bin tanks. I said, guys, we've got to go home. So we retired.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Uh You had a pe no, you you had a peppermint tea. You didn't have a couple of binnies, you lie yet.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Well, I know.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

He's like, yeah, no, I pushed through, I got through another two cabs.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

That's me trying to sound tough to the listeners, but really I had a peppermint tea to try and settle with it. I didn't even get that down. And that was just so we got home and I had the worst night. My O ring told me I literally had zero REM sleep, zero deep sleep, and it was all like, I've never seen the app like that. Woke up, it was red and orange. Major signs. Major signs, fatigue, something's wrong. I'm like, Never. I fucking know. I know about it because all night you're going, oh it was a 24 hour thank god thank god only lasted 24 hours. Um, but that whole night, no sleep, power spewing. Uh I've never, like, deep from within my gut hurled so hard. I did, and I I think I counted them. It was north of 10.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

Why are you counting them, you little weirdo? And you know, in the middle of the night, you also were like this, babe, I'm so thirsty. Oh my god, give me water.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Yeah, because we were staying at our friend's place, and then the way the villa set up was that they had a communal area, but that was locked, and I knew that was where the water was, so I only had the amount of water that I had, a bit of a display.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

But it is what it is. You were better. We went and stayed in a gorgeous hotel resort that night. Yeah, you didn't really.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

We went to our favourite hotel on the water in resort, hotel resort, and just booked one night. Extortionate, last minute, Saturday night. 700 bucks. 700, well I think it was more, was it?

SPEAKER_01 14:13

No, it was well, it was 800.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

700 Scooby-Doos, sweetheart. But we but we're well needed, we loved it.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

We did, and I really appreciate that. It was so kind of you to book that. Thanks for getting that. That was really lovely. I really thoroughly enjoyed it.

SPEAKER_00 14:25

It was also me being a beneficiary of that, which now I knew we needed it. We both loved it.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 14:31

But yeah, so we had we had you, yeah, nearly nearly losing you to the to the sewerways. I feel like you told us a story. Yeah, on the back of that, I had a story to tell. Like, so Bali's dangerous, right? So this is the this is the general consensus. Just everything. The water. Water like you've got to be so careful. It makes you think how do you how to pee how do you bring kids here and make sure that they're safe if you holiday here for four for two weeks or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

But I know we met people, remember, we met a couple at Alila and they said with our kids when they were younger, we used to put them in a we would they would buy them like one of those mini blow-up pools, and they would fill it with gallons of bottled water.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

That's right, to have the bars in it.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

To have their baths in it. They were c it was cold, but it was hard side anyway. Because like they crawl, and if you touch the ground, yeah. And you can't keep your own all the time.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

No. But it's a dangerous place. And I was just gonna quickly tell this story of uh one of my friends, Tom, who was about five years ago, on the scooter, like scooter is so dangerous. He rocked up late, we're at a beach club, and and we're all getting drink, we're already drinking. He was adamant he wanted to get this scooter. I need me scooter. I'm like, mate, just get it tomorrow. He goes and gets the scooter. So that night he's driving home and he's well intoxicated, and he's crashed into a into a Balenese, a Balinese local.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

That's ridiculous. What an idiot.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

And so accidentally, it's obviously an accident, but he's crashed into him, but what he's done is he's probably not dealt with the right way and tried to get up and just scoot off and and flee the scene. And then the locals noticed that and grabbed him and tied him, handcuffed him to a pole in the street. Handcuffed him to a pole in the street while whilst they waited for the I mean they don't have handcuffs, you think it was ropes. It was a zip tie. Zip tie, some rope. Like, I love how you like want to know the stage. Who cares? Some sort of apparatus. Some sort of thing, some sort of apparatus to tie him to a fucking pole.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Yeah, but I can't imagine in the food we'll tell you they've got they've got handcuffs in the back of their pocket and they're like, come on, there's handcuffs.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

Do you want to know if it was a pole, a bike rack, or a fire hydrant something?

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Yeah, it really gets the visual.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

I think it was a fire hydrant. So he's tied to this fire hydrant until the police come. Please come, please come and lock him up. I've never heard of this. They've locked him up in and he spent the night in a jail cell. But because he'd been drinking so much, he needed to have a piss. And because he'd already upset the locals, he's locked in this dark room, no toilet, and he needed to needed to go to the toilet, I think, to do ones and twos. And so he's bang on the wall, going, please, please, I'm I'm gonna I need to go, please, please let me out. No one's answering the door, so he's gone and did his did his did his job in the in the rubbish bin. Bushwee. Bushwe did a bushwee in the bin. And they finally let him out. He's like, Man, I'm so sorry about that. Like that was um that was a disaster. You did you didn't let me out. So anyway, he that's that's not a good story.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

But didn't he keep going, didn't he keep driving round the rest of his whole day, and all the Balinese locals were like, There's that man pointing at him.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

Yeah, there was that bit of a weird thing about I don't know how that because Facebook uh expats or everyone, he it's like he had a mug shot, it was like he had a warrant out for his arrest, and all the locals every time they saw him, they'd be like pointing, like he'd be on the back of my scooter sometimes. Like for the five days after, we're like we we felt like a Kadashian, we felt like an important person, but people were just looking at scouring.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

It was that's the thing out here. It's rogue, like you can't drink and drive.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

Like, why is that appropriate? It's not, you shouldn't feel about it. Absolutely not. Maybe if you go killed them, yeah. Well, speaking nearly kill I got another, can I tell a quick story about my one of my best friends, Bo, who nearly killed himself doing exactly the same thing. Now, this was when we were real early days going to Bali. This is when we used to stay in CUDA. So when cooper like I'm talking when we were like nine, 18, 90, went out, got really super drunk, and you're not gonna like this story. And you all you're gonna do is just shake your head and go, Well, you boys deserve that. And you're gonna be. You're idiots, you're all really dead. We're gonna we're all going home. The four of us, the three of us made it home, one of us didn't. One of us was going that fast down CUDA main beach, he ran up the uh uh an Indonesian, pulled out in front of him, ran up the arse of him, knocked him off. Thank God, the the the the the young the dude was okay. But Scully didn't. He had a he had a helmet on, his helmet flung off and he whacked his eye and his head so hard so hard. An ambulance came, rushed him straight to the BM BM BMCI hospital, which is the best hospital. They took him directly to that one because his injury was so bad. He banged his head so hard he cracked his skull, his eye socket above his eye. And they nearly operated that. We're none the wiser. We are absolutely mortal drunk at home in bed, trying to like sleeping, and he's in the hospital. Jeez. Fuck nearly about to go in for surgery. We didn't know this. And so our phone kept ringing. I'd our hotel room just kept ringing and I'm like, who the hell? Why is Lobby ringing us?

SPEAKER_02 19:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Uh, you need to go to the hospital, your friend Bose Gullin, you know, is being in an accident. We're like, holy shit. So we've I think we scooted. I would like to think that we took a taxi because we woke up, we're still blind. I think we scooted blind to the to the hospital to to see him. But the good stu the good news was he didn't have to have eye surgery, but he needed to fly home. Because of all of his arms and all of his legs had skin off it. We had to we had to look after him for about three or four days and he wasn't able to stay inside the until he could fly. He said he was unfit for flight for like four days. The thing was, disaster story.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

Men just don't have the frontal cortex, their brain is just not developed. Like, what are you all doing?

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Just dumb.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

So dumb. God Christ. If we have to God help us, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

I know, God help us.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

I was asking um last week, because we've tried to mix things up each episode. Like, we don't some I asked for feedback. Some people said they don't like the ADHD stuff. Lots of people said they need more, want more ADHD stuff because they're finding out so much information about their it might help them with their friends and family. So yeah, we've taken out we've taken out the segment of you know, I'm so ADHD I, but I was asking some other things, and lots of people, they're just nosy, just like I am. I love to know the ins and outs of people's lives. So interested.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Nosy sounds a bit harsh, but I'm sorry, interested. I'm really nosy. You are a nosy little naughty little girl.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

And people were asking us about our childhoods and stuff, so I thought that we could maybe talk, take them back a bit. Because I guess so last night, which was really lovely, we had a bit of a chat about our upbringings a little bit, didn't we? We did. And we don't often talk about stuff like that because I think you struggle a little bit with your emotions. But I am quite good at being quite open sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Um with my vulnerability, vulnerability, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

I think that's just normal for a lot of men.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

I think that's just quite normal. But I also think it it's like, I don't know, what you used to.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

I think if you ask most men and you ask me now, us, I would say, yeah. I think we all we all have the as you said, we all have the ability to do it. Because I took it as a bit of a negative. You're like, you can't be vulnerable. I'm like, pfft, fuck you.

SPEAKER_01 21:08

I didn't say you can't be, that's harsh. I just said I think.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

I'll show you vulnerable. Let's go deep. Let's go real deep.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

But you all see you automatically make a joke out of it. So you must feel uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

I'm getting uncomfortable right now.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

Are you?

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

I said to him, I said to him, kiss me passionately. So he grabs my head and he's like, he's like that. And I'm like, you just ruined it!

SPEAKER_00 21:32

Sort of a separate topic, but see what see what you where you're going with that.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

You just always make a joke out of everything, you daff bugger.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

And then I said, you do that.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

You are the exact same as me. I am this is why we need to not be, because we're both just taking the piss on the dying.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

Soon we're just gonna become friends. No, no, like, no, no, no. If we if we if we if Oh the shock. You know, I'm just saying we're gonna we're gonna keep it up.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Yeah, we're going for a lovely date night tonight. We'll talk about that next week, don't we? Next week. Come on then, tell me about your upbringing. So different to mine. Not only did you live on a farm in the middle of the nowhere, you had three siblings, two parents, and you lived and went to wooding school.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

In the middle of nowhere.

unknown 22:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

So that was that's yeah, I guess being brought up on the farm. Um everything we did was outdoors. That's the biggest part that I love about our childhood. Everything we did was just nothing but dirt, water, outside, motorbike riding, like always love that. Yeah, and even as a like a young like Carly, I've got a sister, and and she would come and join in. Like motorbike riding was a really, really big thing. So like when we were young, we had it's you start off with like Pee Wee 50s, you know, little ni-ny-nye, little little bikes. And thinking back on it now, and when I was trying to like jot down some some pointers here, s again, danger. Like when I'd be a parent, I'm like, I wouldn't let but the stuff that I'm about to say is like all of it's really quite dangerous. Like I I'm assuming mum, dad was always out working, but I'm assuming mum, when we said, Oh, we're just going out to the neighbour's place to to do something, we probably didn't tell her everything that we were gonna do. Of course. Like motorbike riding, we would, you know, build huge jumps and we would try and see how high we could get this tiny motorbike up in the air. So we're building our own jumps and like doing all that stuff, trying to be like be cool, I suppose. But yeah, everything was outdoors, and I we I just I I love it. I always talk so positively about my upbringing. But one of the things I think people will find funny is uh as uh a hobby or a thing that we did was bird nest- we call it bird nesting.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

What's that?

SPEAKER_00 23:31

What is that, you ask? It's uh the all our neighbours, our friends, uh all the country kids, we would catch up on our little motorbikes. So how old are you? Um a motorbike. Yeah, like 10, 12. That's wild. They're little ones. Still what like a dirt bait? So our neighbours are very far away. So as you know, if you've been to the farm, so our local town is 40 kilometres away. So it takes you uh, you know, 40k from any close town. Um and neighbours are kilometres that way. They could be 5k, 10k. A couple of our best mates were like 10k away, 8k up the road, so you can't just walk there.

SPEAKER_02 24:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

And if your parents don't take you there, you've got to drive the the pat we call it a paddock basho, like a little car, driving cars around unlicensed, and only on a little bit on a main road, mainly on dirt roads. In the country, if you're on if you take the back roads and the dirt roads, doesn't count. That's why they always say like country kids die on country roads, is because that you know that that's what happens. But anyway, we would take our little motorbikes and stuff, and we'd go bird nesting, and bird nesting was like this big thing where we would collect eggs out of actual bird nests that are up in trees. So we would all cruise around, a little a little bike gang. We'd all be on a little peewee 50s and 80s, and we would cruise along the the back rows, the dirt roads, you know, between our farms, looking up in the trees, just just putting going slowly until we till we saw a nest and would all pull over and and we would say a magpie nest. And magpie is a very common bird species. So we would climb all the way up these massive trees. That's terrifying. No obviously no harnesses, but just in t-shirts and thongs and hop over, kick out our stands, and up we go up these massive trees.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

Can we just say to the British listeners, you haven't got a thong, pair of thongs on your ass, they're thongs on your toes. Thongs on your feet. They're flip-flops, it's not going up any thongs and he's bollocks how many of the same.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

And so we would climb up these massive trees and we would go and search around and we would then put and you'd grab the egg, and the only way to climb down. Going up's easy.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:23

Going up is easy.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Coming down very hard. Hard very hard.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

Like a koala.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

And you're carrying an egg. So we would collect all these eggs and we would we would um save them all so we would have different species. So you'd have a wedge-tailed eagle, a magpie, a swallow. We would have, and we'd keep them in the little, like everyday egg cartons that we buy from the supermarket. We would keep the egg cartons and we put little cotton balls in in all the little holes, and we would pinprick each of the hole and blow the yolk out and keep just the shell, keep the egg, and we would and we'd keep like an assortment. Like we were it's a collect we're collectors. We collect them and But you killed them! And we well, technically we keep we took one from the nest.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

That's really naughty.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

It's so funny. City city slicker say that. Like that to us, that's just like that's the least least of the naughty stuff that we did on the farm. That takes me to when the shit we used to shoot.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Yeah, oh, I don't like that. Let's not talk about that.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

No, I'm not I'm not a big thing. When we when we go hunting. This is not really hunting, this is just something that we sort of we sort of did. So, but the part you'll laugh at this is going down, you need both you need both hands to go up, but you definitely need all limbs to go down the tree. So, where does the egg go? In your mouth. In your mouth. Sometimes we'll have a little bit of shit on it, you just dust it off or spit it like you'd hockpoo on it. Hokpoo. And then you'd rub off the shit and then you'd plop it in your mouth. And depending on what what nest you went up and climbed up for, like if it was a wedge-tailed eagle, people you can Google what a wedge, they are the biggest freaking bird. And to get a wedgie and the nest was wedgie. The nests, depending on the size of the bird, was the ability of their to carry the stick or whatever for the nest. Wedgetailed eagles would have like really thick sticks and they'd build this massive nest, and the and the egg was huge, so you could barely fit it in your um in your mouth. So you'd just have to you so you'd be climbing down like this.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

You have boy! You have boy! Oh, wedge! He he looks like one of those birds waiting to be fed with their mouth open, waiting for their mum to see it up.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

It was uh that that was pretty funny.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

That has just sparked a memory for me. When I used to hang out with one of my friends called Hannah, we used to go conk for conquers. Do you know what conquers are? No. What?

SPEAKER_02 27:29

No.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

You know conquers that you do conquering with. They're like wooden like nuts. Concrete. No! So they're basically like they're basically things that are in trees.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 27:41

And they have like a big, big they're spiky, and you have to cut into them a bit like a walnut or whatever, and there's an there's like a conquer inside, like a nut. And we used to do conquer games where you put string and you'd hit it off until yours broke. Oh, like a like a pinata, like a yeah, a bit like that, but you'd both have it on a string each, and we would both be bashing each other's conquer until it broke. You would quite like that probably when you were a kid. Sounds awesome. Anyway, so in the autumn we would go out and go conquer throwing. So you had to throw sometimes if the conquers weren't ready, they wouldn't be on the floor. So me and Hannah used to go and get conquers, and I used to have this scooter, you know, those silver ones that you with your foot, and it had like a break on the back wheel. Kick scooter, yeah. Yeah. And me and her went conquer throwing, and we went to the church that she used to go to. And I was like, yeah, there's a massive log. I'll just throw it up. And I was throwing it, and it went through someone's window, car window, the back of the window smashed.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

How old were you?

SPEAKER_01 28:35

Oh, I was like 11.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Oh, I'd love to see. I'd love to see you two little 11-year-olds. We just went, I know.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

And then we scooted off and we thought the police were gonna come to us forever, and then they her family went to her family went to the church and they were saying someone smashed the back of our things, and I felt so naughty and so bad. I don't think I've ever told my mum that she'll be shooketh, she'll be shocked.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

Juliet, yeah, she'll be shook when she is here, oh absolutely terrible.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

That's funny, so naughty. I've got another story as well about my scooter. Mum mum and I went on mum was like, come on, let's go to the park and let's go on the scooter together. So my mum got on the back and I was on the front and we've we've got a tiny scooter. Yeah, like one foot each, like half a foot each.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

I don't know. I always say I'm four feet. She's a fully grown woman and you're few at home. And you're fitted on on one tiny scooter.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

Well, we're not sitting on it, we're just standing on it. And so I'm go we're both going for it. Let me speak. Okay. We're both going for it. And um we hit the curb and we were like, no, it's fine, we'll fly. So we thought we might go like that, and you know, like when you go over a thick curve and land, but we didn't. It just went dink and tilted.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

Did you face plant?

SPEAKER_01 29:46

And I face planted, my mum fell on top of me. I was like a little, I was like a little pillow. I was like a little ant that had been squashed. My arms and legs were out, and we just went and my face was on the gravel, it just went and she got up and she went, oh, oh dear, oh, oh, oh dear, oh darling. And I was like, darling, I really, really we best not do that.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

Yeah, you best not do that again.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

I feel like though, even though you lived on a farm and you went out and about, I lived next to a park and next to a school and I lived in a nice area. So I used to still go out and stuff. Like we would go out and play on the streets, but I feel like you don't really do that unless you unless you live in a cul-de-sac. Do you know what a cul-de-sac is?

SPEAKER_02 30:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

Oh, sorry. Um, unless you live in like a cul-de-sac, it's not really safe for kids to go out now. My mum would say, be home for 6 30. We always used to eat at 6 30. Be home for 6 30. Or when it gets dark or whatever, if it was winter. And I didn't mind that. I loved being at home. I was such a homebird. I never really went out on the streets, it just wasn't for me. But you're still able to go out and do stuff.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

Yeah, I was still able to go out and do stuff, but I just was so funny saying that. Like w because we live uh our farm is is about half an hour out of town, it would take us an hour and a half on the bus to get into school.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

Eh?

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Hour and a half, three hours a day on a bus. I don't, I don't I couldn't, I couldn't and on summer hot days when it's hot in the Maui, it's hot. Anyway, the way so there was a big thing in in town, you're either a towny when you were kids, you're either a you're a towny, you're a kid that lived in town.

SPEAKER_01 31:18

Yeah. Not the city, but the tow.

SPEAKER_00 31:23

Not a city slicker, but they're still a towny. And there was this thing, like there was the country kids versus the townies. And I think who wins in the end of the day are obviously the country kids, because I was just thinking about this one last cool, the funnest thing we used to do on the farm, that the townies, like if you lived in town, you just you just didn't have didn't have the asset in front of you, you didn't have the ability to do it. We had back in the day to transport water around the farms and fill it each year, one time a year, you I think it's two times a year it used to be, you'd fill the your dam a dam. So each each farmhouse had a dam of water, which was not our drinking water, but it was used for gardens, we it would fill some of our tanks, and then we have to filter the water so you can use it for drinking and tap water and shower. So everyone gets one dam at their house, and the way to get the water there was that opened the big dam, like the you know, a big dam, and the way to get it there was via channels. So uh a channel is just a stream. Yeah, yeah. Now they've now they've piped it. The big pipeline in Victoria, it all got done about ten years ago or something. So now it's wild. Age old childhood, funnest thing in the world, channel surfing that the kids uh the country kids kids of today cannot do. But we used to get a big long piece of string, a boogie board, just a plain old little boogie board, and a four the four behind the four-wheeler, we would tie a string and we would go up and down the channel when it was running, because it only ran one once or twice a year, so it was during summer. That's fun. We would go that it's so dangerous. You've got half a metre to your right, is just all like thistles and burrs and dirt, and on the other side, you've got half a metre of water each side, and we would just tear down these channels. How would you move on the string? We just with a handle, so you're skiing, so you're kneeboarding, you're kneeboarding on the boogie board, and and then my brother or my sister would just go, You ready? And we go, I'll go, yeah, and we would just go brrrrr, just burnt for like a kilometre straight, and we would just be hee hee, like just that is wild. Like it's so dangerous. Like we fall off and you hit your head on the dirt, like you're dead. That's a plenty of skin.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

That's mental, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 33:28

I love that though. And so, like townies, the tow kids just didn't have the ability to do that, but we did. All those that fun stuff just bring brings me what's the word? Nostalgia.

SPEAKER_01 33:37

Yeah, nostalgia.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Oh man, it makes me warm inside.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

When you were talking about and I was thinking about Holly and Dale and their kids, and I was like, they just walk around naked all the time with their gum boots on and they're just hanging off gates and it's just falling off, and like uh Mills keeps throwing Teddy off the top of a hill and going, see ya! See ya. Just joke, like it's just it's mental. Yeah, but also I feel like that makes you into like tough kids. Like a lot of city kids are like uh I reckon as well. I get dropped off at school every day and picked up every day and never get the bus. And they're like so reliant on their parents all of the time. Yeah. See, my mum didn't ever my mum was like, I remember stand I had a dolly shoe on and I remember standing in dog poo and I had I couldn't get the dog poo out because it was so thick, I was probably chatting shit to my friend, and I just didn't notice. And I stood in the dog poo and I rang my mum and I was like, Mum, please come and pick me up. She was like, get your shoe out the bin and walk home. And I was like, Okay, squelch, squelch, squelch. It's horrible. But my my mum would just always just be like, crack on, and I feel like it's good.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

I feel like she That's why you've turned out good, it's good parenting.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

Yeah, I feel like she didn't have capacity to come pick me up because she was like, I'm just so tired, I've got shit to do. Like, I've got to cook dinner, like we used to have lodgers, so I had to cook she had to cook dinner when she'd been at work all day and she was really busy, and I was just like, please, just just one time, just pick me up, please, please. No, just one time pick me up, yeah. But yeah, it is, and now I'm like, actually, it's probably a good thing because I'm very able, you know, to do stuff by myself. Although I do like doing things with someone else, it just makes it a little bit more enjoyable. One of the things that I'd um written down about my childhood is like so vivid, is when because my mum was basically bringing me up by herself. My dad lives in Germany, I moved back. We moved back over when I was one, because my mum moved to Germany and had me in Germany, moved back over when I was one, and then met my mum met my stepdad when I was young, and then they were together for like six, seven, eight years or something. So he was like in our lives, and then he wasn't. Um they broke up, and then it was just me and mum, and mum had like a really like she had a house that she couldn't afford, but in an area that I could go to a good school, so she didn't want to take me out. So then she was like, Okay, we're gonna get lodgers, and I was like, What does that mean? So when I was about 12, we used to just have strangers in our house, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

Isn't it? That's what that's wild. Like, I obviously know the that's not a sad story, but I wanted to ask you a question as to like why would your mum want to have the lodges, but you just explained it because there was a good school in the area, didn't want to upset the Apple cart and keep you going there. That's so lovely. So I know but but So I had straight forward. Was it scary? Were you you know I don't think you talk about it as like scary, but I I just start going to like you know horror movies where there's you know man in the house and pedophile. Yeah, yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Well yeah, but thinking about this, like if you think about you going to your friends in the middle of nowhere or having people stay over, loads of people nowadays, like my friend Chloe won't have her child stay at anyone's house and he's like six. But we used to stay in each other's bedrooms with boys and girls, yeah, like your friends' um kids, and it's just was so the norm, but I think now because it's everywhere about paedophilia, and you never know who's gonna be doing it, people are terrified. But I used to have so we would have men and women staying in our house. We had two spare rooms, yeah. So for like six years of my teens, my mum was knackered because she was always cooking for everyone because she had to cook dinner for them every night. I had to sit across the table at the age of 14 and talking to people who were from Italy or you know, Spain, and I'd be like, I can't be asked to have this conversation with you about where you're from, and just want to fucking eat my dinner and go and chat to my friends on MSN. You know what I'm saying? I want to send some love hearts on Bebo and I want to get me dial-up internet, play a bit of space raiders, and fucking chat to my friends on MSN. And there was this hilarious time where B, my friend, came round and there were two I can see it vividly in our dining room. Mum's always head of the table, she always has her spot on the table, and I have my spot. And my friend was sitting next to me, and we had a guy and someone else, and we were all talking and eating, and my mum had done like bread and ham and cheeses and quiche and stuff. Anyway, me and my friend, we must have been about 13 or something, and I remember we had like butter, and this guy lift got we were watching him, me and B, and he got a big massive scoop of butter, and it was, I s kid you not, it was like a lump of fucking lord on his bread, and he bit into it, and you could see the teeth mock in the butter.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

I feel like I'm there.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

Me and B were just crying, and it because his face went, oh, oh, because he thought it was cheese. So me and B were absolutely crying. My mum's like, girls, empty the dishwasher, go and empty the dishwasher, take your plates away, and it was just so funny, and there's so many stories like that. Yeah. And I remember one time, so we used to have a separate, I was on the landing and we used to have a separate toilet to bathroom, a bit like at your farmhouse. Yeah. And I remember running from the toilet to the bathroom naked one time, and an Italian officer, a guy from the army, was walking up the stairs and he turned round. Yeah, and I was there in the fucking nutty, and I went, oh, and he went, oh, and I went, oh, and then he went, oh and then I just like launched off and I was starting dying. A teenager. I was a teen, I probably didn't have pubes.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

It wasn't grey.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

That's a bit but isn't that vogue?

SPEAKER_00 39:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a that's a different that's a different upbringing.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

My mum had to survive, and my mum did everything to make sure that we had went nice holidays, you know.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

Go on. What were you gonna say?

SPEAKER_00 39:17

How many people, how many lodges a year would you have?

SPEAKER_01 39:19

Oh, I would arrange three? No, it would be like 15 or something. Fifteen! Because some would stay for two weeks, some would stay for six months. And so how did you get them? Airbnb. So one was from like an international school.

SPEAKER_00 39:33

Like a platform.

SPEAKER_01 39:35

Yeah, international schools. Internationals would come over for a month or two weeks to improve their English. But then also what was great is we used to have all the people you don't know what a pantomime is, which I find astonishing. I can't wait to take you to England over Christmas and take you to a pantomime. But for everyone who doesn't know what a pantomime is, it's like going to the theatre, but it's it's it's like Disney, but on at the theatre. There's no ice at the theatre, and it's just it's really good and it's interactive and stuff. And so so people who used to go to the theatre, like half celebrities, would come and stay with us. So my mum we would get my mum would get us into the backstage and I would get signatures. I used to have a big book of signatures, and loads of perks, but it was absolutely rogue. But we've talked a lot about that. We need to move on, yeah. Um, but we'll talk a bit more maybe next time about some other stuff that we did. Because you haven't heard some of those stories, and I haven't heard some of those stories about you, so it's quite nice to be.

SPEAKER_00 40:27

I can see you lighten up when I tell my stories. So maybe because we've still got, yeah, I can still tell, still tell plenty more. Yeah, and you got some more. So maybe we have part two next week.

SPEAKER_01 40:35

Yeah, and if anyone wants to ask any specific questions, it's tnt at gmail.com. Another thing that people thought would be quite good was talking about not only how we met, which we've already gone over, but dating nowadays, dating disasters, any dates we had that were fucking awful. And I've got so many that I couldn't even think of good ones because they're just so not in my mind anymore.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

So many. I've just got two short ones.

SPEAKER_01 41:00

So shall I start there?

SPEAKER_00 41:01

Yeah, please.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

So one of mine was one of mine was I went on hinge and I was I'm really typical ADHD. Once I start talking to someone, I just talk and talk and talk and talk, and he definitely had some sort, it was on the spectrum. And um, we were talking for hours, and then he actually wasn't from Newcastle. He was like, I'm going back to, I can't remember where he lived, I'm going back to Nottingham or whatever. And I was like, all right, okay, cool, no worries. And then he was like, Do you want to come for the weekend? So I was like, Yeah, I'd never met him. Got on a flight, my mum was like, Are you joking, Sydney? I was like, it's fine. Like this. Not particularly. Like, I'd sent the girls his address, I sent my mummy's address, like I'd sent the number, a picture of him, his fucking passport photo, like everything. It was like, it's fine. I was like, it's fine. And I got there, and like he was nice, he was nice enough, it wasn't for me. And um, we went out and whatnot, and we were walking around the streets, and he he was like, My mum wants to meet you. And I was like, sorry. Anyway, you come round the corner. I went to go and pick his car up from the night before. We'd been for a drink, and then like we drove in and got a taxi home. And his mum's hanging out the window. Hi guys! And I was like, Oh god, and he was like, Do you want to go in? My grandma's in there as well. And I was like, Absolutely not!

SPEAKER_00 42:14

Whoa, this went from intense to real intense.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

I was like, This is the first time I've ever met you. I don't want to go in and meet your grandma. This is absolutely rogue. Anyway, I was I was there for two days. I was there for two days. Anyway, we had a good time and whatnot, and then when I got home, I didn't go in and see the grandma, I said absolutely not, that's a bit much. So I was having a full conversation with his mum, like fucking Romeo and Juliet. She's screaming from the balcony way down the bottom, and I was like, this is so bizarre. And then um, when I got back, he messaged me. Well, he rang me and he's like, Look, I've just like I I struggle a little bit with um like me and my friends were just so nice to each other, and you're quite, you know, you're a bit sometimes you're a bit a bit mean, you're a bit mean with your messages. And I was like, I'm yeah, I'm bullying you. That's flirting in England. Do you know what I mean? Like I was like, oh, I can't go out with you.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

You do have that type of craft.

SPEAKER_01 43:02

Yeah. I was like, it's a little like that.

SPEAKER_00 43:04

That's what I love about you. Yeah. That's what I love about you, Lot, is that that I love that about you. He saw that as a negative.

SPEAKER_01 43:10

Yeah, I was like, you've got to take the piss out of each other.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

You absolutely gotta be able to take the piss out of yourself and the other person, the other person's gotta be able to handle it. That is the foundation of a crux of a good relationship.

SPEAKER_01 43:22

I just thought this cannot work if you don't even, you know, you can't even take the mick out of yourself. I just thought, oh, what a wet lettuce. You're not for me, hun. Off you go. On to the next.

SPEAKER_00 43:32

Wet lettuce. Come on, give us one of yours. Um well mine's a bit shorter than that, but when I went on a date with this girl, and uh and obviously my bit's just the funny bit, the after. And um What do you mean the after? Yes, and so you obviously had a lovely dinner and and whatnot. And you know, you know when you go on a date, you go, Oh, this one could be this has got transhensional potential. Like sometimes you go on a date and you go, pfft nah. Yeah, this is gonna end at dinner and we're gonna we're parting ways, we hit the T intersection, you're going. Left, I'm going right. Anyway, but so it was still open. It was still open at this point. So anyway, obviously the night the night went well. We ended up at homes just to stay the night. Stayed the night together, had a kuddle. And um, I was actually sat randomly at my auntie's for some reason. I stayed, I think it was I don't know why I was there, but anyway, there was a weird setup with the beds, all the rooms were taken. So my bed, our bed, was in the living room. No. And it was a sort of a a large king-size bed. So it was a and the living room had a U-shaped couch. So the U-shaped couch wrapped around the bed. Yes. TV off to one side. And so we've obviously woken up. Just for visuals. TV off to one side. And I can't I obviously I got a little bit confused as to whether she actually left during the middle of the middle of the night or not, or or what anyway. Well I woke up in the bed and I'm like oh, you're brilliant. She's uh you know, she's she's she's gone. She's gone.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

Like you're like brilliant, she's gone.

SPEAKER_00 45:00

Brilliant. Well, because also you can still be into someone because you just you're just nervous and you just had a successful night. Context talk, organise catch-up number two, and I'm rolling around, and um just like fuck, and it's also free bed, you know, you can sprawl out, and I'm a bit gassy, as you know. Oh my god, and so I've just ripped a massive fart, followed by another one big pumps, and then it's obviously dead silent, and then I just hear this little rustle, and I'm like, and my eyeballs just open, and I stare at the ceiling, and I'm like, don't you dare fucking tell me she's just down on the couch because the couch was lower than the bed. And then and then I heard it more of a rustle, so I just I just instantly closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep, and she just got up, she's there. I was like, She is there! Oh no. My father and my uh ass was facing her way, would have been half a meter from her head. I've let a huge a big burly vibrator.

SPEAKER_01 46:03

Oh, baby.

SPEAKER_00 46:05

She's got up. I bothered. And uh and she's got probably got pink eye. She's stumbling around because she's gassed, like she's just been hit with a gas bomb. She's obviously decided to just sneak out, hasn't she? No. And and I didn't know if she was gonna say goodbye or not goodbye, and then I I just sat there for the 30 seconds until she cre she snuck off down the um it's it's pretty lit in the room by this time, it's morning. And not one word was said, and off she went.

SPEAKER_01 46:30

Did you never speak again?

SPEAKER_00 46:31

Never spoke to her again.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

You're joking. Never spoke to her again.

SPEAKER_00 46:34

You woke her up like an alarm. I couldn't bring myself, I couldn't bring myself to t what could I possibly text this woman?

SPEAKER_01 46:41

That's what could I possibly ditty boy. Uh nutty nutty nutty uh oh. So I what everyone was asking me about the Dubai Man, but I'll talk about the Dubai Man next time because we haven't got enough time.

SPEAKER_02 46:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:59

Anyway, I asked you lot, thank you so much for sending me some of these because they're absolute rippers. Um, but please send me some of your dating dilemmas, whether that's fun stuff, um, you know, daft stuff, really weird or obscure stuff. Anyway, Hannah sent what Hannah sent one in saying, so I dated a guy in his in his twenties who, bless him, had to spray his hairline on. And he had dark hair, so it was anything but subtle. The first time we had a bit of rough and tumble on the bed, white bedding tumble, white bedding, I realised it did in fact transfer onto my pillowcase. He thought I'd not realised. I didn't draw attention to it. Then he flipped the pillow over when I left the room. Anyway, the first time he stayed over, he put a black t-shirt over his pillow and said, just in case he got a cold during the night. She just said, I'm crying, remembering this. He was the kind of guy that would pull you up on not having French tip pedicure and accepted no attention and accepted no attention to his hairline.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

Oh bless him.

SPEAKER_00 47:59

That's unreal. So the second time he's laid down the laid down for caution.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

He's put a he's flipped it. Yes. Oh god. I think that people who are going bald should just shave it off. We know.

SPEAKER_00 48:10

Do you well on the flip side? I've had I've had some experiences where I reckon the girl before the before going on the date has just jumped in a tub full of tan, just hot dipped herself, and then got, oh yeah, here's your beautiful white sheets, I'll jump in those with you. And you wake up in the morning and eat fucked. And not one, oh, I'm sorry about that. Really? Not one. Again, drawing, yeah, I've had that just a couple of times.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

Yeah, you've only shagged.

SPEAKER_00 48:35

Yeah. Twelve. And so the same, same, same sort of thing, but but awful. Not good. Have you ever had put Feetan on in there?

SPEAKER_01 48:43

Never. Never done Faitan in my whole life. You don't need to, you're B Brazilian. I've got a Nigerian in there. You're Nigie. I have another one from Jess, but it's a bit long, so I'm gonna because she's got two dates, and I'm gonna go, I'm gonna do hers next week. So Lily put in funny dating story. Oh my god, I'm on my second date with this guy. Seems very well educated. He's a doctor, polite, etc. We'd not even kiss by this point, and this will add to the story later. We have dinner and he says, Oh, my sister's having a barbecue party at his family's house, so I said, Shall we go back there? Anyway, went back and it was a full-on mansion. Anyone, uh anyway, every everyone's hanging out, all good, everyone seems really nice, and later he shows me to the toilet. So I'm topping up my makeup, he's pouring us a drink in this other room. So we chill in this room for literally two minutes, catching up about the party, everyone who's there, etc. It's all chilled, not even flirty, and then he puts on some music, which I thought was a bit weird considering the party's literally next door and it was magic mic. Next thing, he starts doing a full strip tease, dancing, gets fully naked, and I'm just sat on the sofa, like, what the actual hell is happening to me right now?

SPEAKER_00 49:56

WTF.

SPEAKER_01 49:57

Yeah, safe to say, I made my excuses and left. They hadn't even kissed, and he's fully stripped down naked with his sister next door doing the fucking heli with his dick, and he's also magic might be.

SPEAKER_00 50:09

Like Lily thought she was dating at a prude at this point, like was all good, like didn't even have didn't kiss or anything like that, and then he's just gone into full stripper mode. Real, real That's weird.

SPEAKER_01 50:18

That is weird.

SPEAKER_00 50:19

That's weird ass. I thought Sora was going real cool, like oh, animal parents, you know, wealth, no, annual mansion. But you knew something weird was gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 50:27

That's god.

SPEAKER_00 50:28

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 50:29

And then to end, Lisa said, dodgy date, went to my went to my BF for Valentine's Day. He wrote the other person he was seeing on the card, crossed it out and wrote my name.

SPEAKER_00 50:39

No, he didn't.

SPEAKER_01 50:39

That's he crossed it out and wrote my name, later found out he was seeing someone else.

SPEAKER_00 50:43

What a wanker.

SPEAKER_01 50:44

That is what the hell who does that? That is how can you fuck that up? Why would you do that?

SPEAKER_00 50:50

What is he? Ten?

SPEAKER_01 50:52

And also, why wouldn't you just go buy a water?

SPEAKER_00 50:54

So did you just say you guys are pricks? Did you just chuck us all in the basket of that douche? Well, come on, sweetheart. Rotten. Rotten doctors. Well, thank you everyone for sending those in. That was good.

SPEAKER_01 51:05

They were so good. I've got I've got several more. Can you please send me some more in?

SPEAKER_00 51:09

Because I just we love this shit listen and I don't know. We fade off it.

SPEAKER_01 51:14

I don't read them to him and I'll not read them to him until now, which is even better to get his reaction. So we were gonna talk about comparing others like yourself to others and dating these days and stuff, but I think we probably ran out of time this week because we had loads of chat about because we didn't do one last week. So we'll maybe add some of this in next week, which will be good.

SPEAKER_02 51:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:31

But I just wanted to finish off talking about this book that I read. I know I'm itching, I've got mosquito bites, I'm really bad.

SPEAKER_00 51:37

Scratching yourself.

SPEAKER_01 51:38

He's staring at me. So I read The Silent Patient, it was recommended by several of you on Instagram. Thank you so much. It was absolutely fantastic. But there was a really nice quote that I liked in it, and it said about love about how we often mistake love for fireworks, for drama and dysfunction. But real love is very quiet, very still. It's boring if seen from the perspective of high drama, love is deep and calm and constant. And I thought that was quite nice because it resonated. That is beautiful. Because I feel like often when I was in my twenties, I would date people and I would like the highs and lows and the chasing. And now I've found that actually love with someone it should be very constant and it shouldn't be real highs and lows, and having really big arguments and then making up is not healthy or normal. And I just thought that's really nice because I feel like I've got that now with you. You know? That's beautiful, baby. And I just thought it resonated, so I thought that I would bring that up. And anyone who hasn't read The Silent Patient, please read it. And I you do you don't read, but I really want you to just try the first chapter and see what you think of it.

SPEAKER_00 52:47

She's been begging me the last five days to read the first fucking chapter of this book, and I'm like, sweet, I've been begging you for the full fucking trip to come out surfing with me. Oh, that's different.

SPEAKER_01 52:55

It is.

SPEAKER_00 52:55

Let's not get into this. I'll get an injured sweetheart. You told me I pay you to come out surfing with me.

SPEAKER_01 52:59

You told me that I don't have very good um I'm clumsy. So why do you want me to get on a surfing board and make and injure myself when I don't have to?

SPEAKER_00 53:08

Why do you want me to get on a surfing board?

SPEAKER_01 53:10

Surfing board. Surf board. Surfing board. What a dickhead. You're such a so you went surfing and you loved it, and you're gonna do it longback.

SPEAKER_00 53:23

Uluwatu is sort of the best spot in Bali as well. Yeah. But then the island of islands of uh Bali are even better again. And I finally got out, finally got my role on, went for my second surf today with my little man Yann. Got myself a little uh local Indonesian instructor, surf instructor, and he's taken me out. It was unreal, so fun. So, so fun.

SPEAKER_01 53:42

You like Dan. You got a picture with the board. We've got some pictures, we'll get them, we'll put some pictures up. But well done.

SPEAKER_00 53:48

We're gonna work on them. We're gonna wait till the waves get bigger and we get get the shot.

SPEAKER_01 53:50

Yeah, you looked great as well.

SPEAKER_00 53:52

Thanks, babe.

SPEAKER_01 53:53

Nice to see you.

SPEAKER_00 53:53

Nice to see you again, babe.

SPEAKER_01 53:55

Oh, and do the T and T T and T T at Gmail.

SPEAKER_00 53:59

We'll pop it up there.

SPEAKER_01 54:00

Can I just say one thing as well? I wanted to do a handshake with you. I met a bottle, I met a woman the other week, she was putting patrol in for us. She's that petrol lady. She asked, she said, Hey, what's your name? She said this every time I've gone, and she puts her hand out to shake me like a limp fish, and it was all wet, and she and I grabbed it, and hers was just so limp it gave me the ick. And now every time we pretend to shake hands, we just slap our hands.

SPEAKER_00 54:22

Literally, just put our hands beside one another. It's just two hands beside each other, limp as limp, and you just start wobbling them a bit. That's our handshake.

SPEAKER_01 54:29

Anyway, love you, sweets.

SPEAKER_00 54:31

Love you, babe.

SPEAKER_01 54:32

Bye. Bye.