Making the Impossible Possible: From Tragedy to Purpose with Ken Kunken

What would you do if your entire life changed in a single moment?

In this powerful episode of From Drift to Direction, I sit down with Ken Kunken, whose life took an unimaginable turn when a football injury at Cornell University left him almost completely paralyzed at just 20 years old.

What could have been the end of his story became the beginning of an extraordinary journey. Ken shares how the support of his family, an unwavering mindset, and a commitment to helping others allowed him to rebuild his life. He went on to earn multiple degrees, become a successful prosecutor for over 40 years, find love, become a father of triplets, and inspire countless people through his story.

This conversation is a powerful reminder that our circumstances do not define our future. No matter how difficult life becomes, purpose, hope, and determination can lead us in a new direction.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Overcoming adversity after a life-changing injury
• The power of family support and resilience
• Finding purpose through helping others
• Turning setbacks into opportunities
• Making the impossible possible
• Building a meaningful career despite limitations
• Lessons on perseverance, mindset, and never giving up

If you're facing challenges, feeling stuck, or looking for inspiration, this episode is for you.

Remember: Sometimes life drifts us into moments we never expected—but those moments can also lead us toward a completely new purpose.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Well, never give up. It's an awful lot everybody could do. If they work hard, strive to be productive. Don't listen to the naysayers who tell you something is just too difficult or you can't do it. What's important is how you feel about yourself. And it's an incredibly great feeling to know you can still make a difference in other people's lives. Three prestigious Ivy League degrees, two master's degrees. I decided to look for a job in the rehabilitation counseling field where I could help others and no one would buy it.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Welcome back everyone to another episode of To Drift to Direction. Today's guest has a story that honestly sounds almost impossible. Imagine being a young college football player at Cornell University and in one single moment during a game, your entire future changes forever. That's exactly what happened to Ken when a football injury left him almost completely paralyzed from the shoulders down. For most people that could have been the end of the story, but for Ken it became the beginning of a completely different direction. He went to earn multiple degrees, built more than forty year career as a prosecutor, become a husband and father, and inspire countless people through his story and memoir. I dream of things that never were. This conversation is really about what happens when life forces you into a direction you never planned for and how you still find purpose, meaning, and strength through it. Ken, thank you so much for being here. I would love for you to introduce yourself and maybe take us back to where the journey began.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Okay, thank you, Peter, and thank you for having me as your guest. You know, when I heard part of your introduction, it reminded me of a quote from John Lennon, which is basically life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. And that's certainly what happened to me. Back, I'll take your audience back to the year 1970. At that time I was a fairly typical 20-year-old college student at Cornell University. I worked hard in school and I loved sports. I was a member of a fraternity and I had a lot of good friends. And like many 20-year-olds, I dreamed of leading a useful, productive, and happy life. But on October 31, 1970, while playing in a lightweight football game at Cornell, I broke my neck and severely damaged my spinal cord. And as a result, I'm almost totally paralyzed below the shoulders.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

This is this is something that a lot of people would have struggled with, would have probably ended their lives. Where did you find the strength to continue living?

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Oh, it was definitely through my family. My family was so encouraging and supportive every step of the way. And they kept emphasizing to me that while I lost my physical ability to do things, I still had my intellectual ability. My mind was still intact, and I had to m make the most of that to still lead a productive and happy life. So they encouraged me, supported me, uh, motivated me every step of the way.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

So family is really, really important in the process of rehabilitation, being in the hospital, and uh recovering. Going back to that moment, being in the hospital, spending months in rehabilitation, what were you thinking? Do you remember that moment? What what was on your mind?

SPEAKER_01 3:49

I remember it very well. I spent nine months and twenty days in various hospitals and rehabilitation centers. And I was devastated. I mean, before my injury, I was a very active young man. Everything in my life seemed to center around sports or doing some type of physical activity. Now suddenly that was totally taken away from me. And I had to rely on my mind, my intellectual ability. And I just really didn't see how I was going to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

That's powerful. I really believe in the law of attraction and positive thinking. Do you think that that's something that helped you in during that time, during the recovery? The power of the mind?

SPEAKER_01 4:37

Very much so. Now it quite a f it took me quite a while to get into that positive thinking mode because I was severely depressed for months and months and months. But as I said before, I had a lot of encouragement every step of the way. And I basically made up my mind, I'm going to do my best to just ignore my injury and try and continue with my life much as it had been before I was hurt. So I chose when I completed my rehabilitation to return to Cornell University, where I had been studying, and resume my studies in industrial engineering. And I hope by doing that and by basically ignoring my injury, I would go back and live the life that I had been living before I got hurt. It wasn't quite that way, but that's what I was thinking. I was probably crazy thinking that way. But it kept me going.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

And not many people will do that. You know, not many people will continue living life or continue focusing on the goal. I mean, you build a career, you build 40 years of career, you have you got married, you have kids, you continue living life no matter what. And I think this is this is really inspiring and this is powerful.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

Thank you, Peter. I had so much help along the way. I felt I'd be letting so many people down if I didn't do everything I could do to make something of my life. And quite frankly, I didn't have a plan B. I wasn't sure what I would do with my life if I didn't do something productive. I mean, here I was 20 years old, and that was just too soon to give up on life.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

That's uh that's really powerful. Did you ever have a moment in your life where you felt like giving up?

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Many. Many, many, many, and for years and years and years. But each time I would try and regroup, get my mind set again to believe there's more I can still do, uh, and I was determined to strive to move forward and still do something with my life to be productive. But I had many moments where it was so tempting to give up.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

And during those times, was it the family that the support that you had, or was it the goal going back to what you knew and going back to the goals? What was the the biggest support during that time?

SPEAKER_01 7:14

Well, it was both. I mean, first of all, I know I couldn't have done any of the things I did without my family support, love, and encouragement. I mean, that I am absolutely convinced about. But I was also highly motivated before my injury. You don't go to Cornell University, study engineering, play a sport at the same time, and not be highly motivated. So I had to work hard to remain motivated to continue with what I was doing. And as I indicated before, I didn't want to disappoint my family and friends who actually were working so hard to enable me to do the things I wanted to do. I mean, Peter, they basically told me in kind of different words, but they basically said that they'll act as my arms and legs to make sure I could still do everything in my life that I wanted to do.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

This is amazing. Having the support from the family, and they are able to support you and mentally and physically, I think this is something that it's really inspiring because nowadays in the family, I mean, you see, everybody's on their phones, everybody's busy, everybody's trying to make it. And sometimes people feel lonely, they don't get the support from the family. And seeing that your family was there for you and they supported you, not only mentally and pushing you or and or encouraging you, but also physically they were able to help you.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Absolutely. And by family, Peter, I want to make sure people understand it wasn't just my immediate family, it was my extended family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brother, sister. Um there were so many people in my family that were of great help to me.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

Now, I might add, Peter, my upbringing was a little different than most. Um, when I talk about family, you need to understand, unfortunately, my mother died from the polio disease less than a month after I was born. So my extended family gathered around my immediate family and helped us every step of the way. So they were used to helping people out, and they were used to helping me, and what a difference that made.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

That's amazing. When did you think that your mindset began shifting towards from surviving to rebuilding your future? Was it in the moments in the hospital when you decided this is what I'm gonna do? Or was it after you came out of the hospital and then you kind of plan how the future will be for you?

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Oh, there are a number of different moments that caused that. But I felt while I was in the hospital, I thought once I went back to school, that would change the way I thought about myself. And it really didn't do it enough to get a more positive outlook. Um, so I spent a lot of time in school. Um, I went for my undergraduate degree in engineering, but then decided to change my career goal and got a master's degree in education and then a master's degree in psychology. And I was still trying to figure out what I could do with my life, but I was determined that I was gonna do something. And when I was in the rehab facility, I met many patients that were there who had been injured far longer than I had been, who had far more movement than I had, and they didn't seem to be doing much with their lives. And I made up my mind I was not gonna end up the way they did. I was gonna still try and accomplish something to make my family and friends proud of me.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

That's amazing. And you spent many years studying, you know, one degree, another one. Do you think that education is something that also helped you along the way to keep going?

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Absolutely, because I knew physically I was not going to be able to a job that required any physical work. So I knew that I had to make the most of my mental ability. But let me tell you uh what was happening. Here I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but after receiving so much help, I made up my mind I wanted to do something where I could help others, where I could pay people back for being such tremendous support system that I had. So here I got a bachelor's degree from Cornell, a master's degree from Cornell, a master's degree from Columbia, three prestigious Ivy League degrees, two master's degrees. I decided to look for a job in the rehabilitation counseling field where I could help others and no one would hire me. Everybody seemed to feel I was too disabled to work. In fact, when I even started on my second master's degree, my school advisor uh told me right at the beginning that I was gonna have a very difficult time finding a job if I ever was gonna do find one, because he said despite what they teach, people would still be hesitant to hire somebody with my extensive disability. So it took a while, but finally I found the perfect job for me. I was hired to work as a vocational rehabilitation counselor on Long Island, where my home was, uh, at the Viscarty Center, which is a facility dedicated to helping other individuals who have disabilities. And that changed my life. When I finally had the opportunity to help others, I felt so much better about myself and so much better about my position in life, what I could still do to help others and make a difference in other people's lives. And that changed my life totally.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

So you were really determined to continue and go with your mission to help people, and no matter what people were saying, you still kept going. Where did you find the strength to continue going, even though people were telling you that you won't be able to find a job?

SPEAKER_01 13:23

Well, firstly, it always goes back to my family because you know, part of the time they were pushing me, part of the time they were pulling me to make sure that I would still do something with my life. But, you know, as I indicated, I was very motivated before my injury. And I worked really hard to continue to be motivated. And I knew that there was a lot I could still offer to people if I was given that opportunity. And I was very fortunate that Dr. Viscoty, the head of the Viscotti Center, gave me that opportunity, and that totally changed my life.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

So I think it's it's definitely a big part of you continue pushing and going is the mindset, the support system. And do you think that those negative people kind of motivated you a little bit more to continue going? Because I feel like sometimes when we have those people around us and they're negative and they're like, no, this you're not gonna succeed, this is not for you, and all that. You kind of get the strength and get more motivated to go. Do you think that played a little role in your choice, in your career, in your drive?

SPEAKER_01 14:39

It played a big part of my drive, my motivation and my career, because the people that I ended up counseling were highly motivated as well. And here I was seeing so many people with all types of disabilities who were working hard to make something from with their lives if they were just given that opportunity. And when I saw that, I knew that there was still a lot I could do to help others who were living with disabilities. So while I was working there, um they kept expanding my duties and my responsibilities. And one of my jobs was to speak before groups and organizations concerning affirmative action and non-discrimination for people with disabilities. And often after my talks, I would be asked questions. And while I would do my best to respond appropriately, I was always careful to caution the questioners, they should really speak with a lawyer about their concerns. And I guess it didn't take long, Peter, before I started to think, you know, there's no reason why I couldn't become that lawyer. So I left my job and went to Hofstra University School of Law. Uh when I was there, I did an internship at the Nassau County District Attorney's Office and really loved that type of work. And now I was in a position to help victims of crime. So I still knew I wanted to help people. I was just doing it in a different way. And I thought the people in personnel who hired me to work as an assistant district attorney showed a lot of guts to hire me at that time because I didn't know of anybody in my condition uh who was working as an assistant district attorney. I was certainly the first one on Long Island, a quadriplegic, to work as an assistant district attorney. So I really appreciated that opportunity.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

That's that's amazing. And I feel like your story is very inspiring to people who have disabilities, but also to people who are capable, who are healthy, who can do more, but they don't do enough. And I feel that everybody can learn, everybody can get a little inspiration and motivation from your story, because going back in the in the time you were with disability, and keep pushing, getting one degree, another degree, and keep building that life. Tell me about becoming a husband and father, how that changed your life and your mission to help people.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

That's the best part of my life by far. And what happened is after my injury, I felt I would never have, you know, a permanent, intensive relationship with a woman at that point. I just didn't feel it would be fair to the woman to be in a relationship with somebody who was so physically limited. And I had family members that encouraged me not to feel that way. They kept assuring me that they were sure if I met the right woman, my life could totally change, and I should not rule out having that type of relationship. And it took a while, but finally I met the perfect woman for me. It occurred in 1999, uh, when I was actually looking for a personal care attendant to help me with my physical needs. And I was very fortunate to hire a young woman who happened to be visiting from Poland. Her name is Anna, uh, and she became my aide. And it didn't take long before our relationship changed from employer-employee to best friends to a romantic relationship. And in 2003, I guess despite my hesitations, my then girlfriend actually proposed to me. And I had the good sense to say yes, and I married an incredible woman in 2003. Her name is Anna. She's actually sitting just off camera to my right now, and she helps me every step of the way. But when we talked about getting married, Anna basically shocked me by saying she wanted to have my baby, and not just her baby, my baby. Now think about this, Peter. At that time I had been paralyzed for more than 30 years, and I was already in my fifties, so this really seemed impossible. But uh she said she wanted to see a little cunkin running around our home. Cunkin's my last name. And I wanted to do anything to please Anna. So we looked into various options, including in vitro fertilization, and were thrilled to learn it still might be possible for someone in my condition to father a child. So we wanted to make the impossible possible. So we pursued it, and through the miracle of science, Anna became pregnant. Now, Peter, I want you to picture what this was like. On January 24th, 2005, I was present with her in the delivery room. Think about what this was like. I was present in the delivery room when my wife Anna gave birth to triplets.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

We have three wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, gorgeous boys, Joey, Jimmy, and Timmy. And Peter, I could not be happier. Despite my physical limitations, I am a very proud father and husband, and I am living a wonderful life.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

That's that's a great story. And I like what you say, making the impossible possible. And I feel like your life story is it can be described with just a few words, making the impossible possible. And I I feel like this is really inspiring.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Thank you. Well, there's another quotation that I like a lot. While I was first in the hospital in the rehab center, I was asked to testify before a United States Health Senate subcommittee chaired by Senator Edward Kennedy. And eight days after my testimony, Senator Kennedy sent me a glass paperweight in the mail that had an inscription on it that the senator said his late brother Robert Kennedy liked very much. The inscription was a quotation originally by George Bernard Shaw, and the words of that inscription have always been very meaningful to me. The inscription read, Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream of things that never were and say why not. And that's a quote that I've tried to also live my life by. In fact, I later wrote a book, it's behind me on the shelf, where I titled it, I dream of things that never were, the Ken Kumpkin story.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

That's a powerful quote, and that was actually my next question. Tell us about your book.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

You know, actually when I was s injured just six months, uh a friend of my family came to the rehab facility, knew I was in a state of severe depression, and thought that if I Started to talk about what I was going through. It may help me deal with my depression, but if we put it down on paper, it may help other people learn more about spinal cord injuries and the rehabilitation process. Now keep in mind when I was injured in 1970, I didn't know of any other role models that I could turn to for hope or inspiration. I mean, I was injured about 25 years before the actor Christopher Reeve had his devastating spinal cord injury. Now Christopher Reeve was the actor who played Superman in the movies. And when he was injured, he was just a tremendous role model for all of us. The way he conducted his life and tried to live with his type of injury. But when unfortunately, when I was hurt, I didn't know of anybody that I could look to for hope or inspiration. But I was fortunate, I had my supportive family, and you know, through the help of so many people, I made up my mind I was gonna try and be productive with whatever I chose to do and hopefully inspire others.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

That's awesome. Uh after so many years, so many accomplishments and the desire to help people, do you feel that you accomplished your mission to help people?

SPEAKER_01 23:22

You know, I feel I made a dent in it. You know, when I was hurt, everybody seemed to feel somebody in my condition was just too disabled to work. And I believe that once I got my job as an assistant district attorney, uh over the years, more than many, many thousands of people I came in contact with on my job because I was a very active trial attorney, and I picked a lot of juries, and I had a lot of witnesses in cases, and a lot of people got to see that somebody with a physical injury such as mine could still work and work in a very responsible job. And I might add that in the district attorney's office, when you leave your job, we go through what they call an exit interview, where you tell the director of personnel what you like the best about your job and what you thought could be improved. And I'm so honored and proud to say that I was told a number of assistant DAs said the best part of their job was meeting, working with, and getting to know me. And the reason why I wanted to comment on that, Peter, is I know what they were referring to as meeting, working with, and getting to know someone with a severe disability. Because unless they had a close relative with a disability, many, if not most people ever came into daily contact with somebody with a disability, and that was a real eye-opener for them. Now I was hurt about 20 years before the Americans with Disabilities Act took effect. So you didn't see many people with disabilities out in public because facilities were not accessible. So it would be difficult for somebody in my condition to get around in public. Now, fortunately, thanks to that act, you see more and more people with disabilities, and more and more people are getting used to that. And recognizing that people with disabilities can not only work, but work well, and that makes a huge difference. So part of my mission is to show that you know, don't count people out, don't, you know, extremely limited expectations for what somebody can do. Somebody with a disability can do an awful lot if given that opportunity.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Your story is really inspiring. And we were able to see your wife for a second. She was on camera. But I feel like your story is really inspiring, and also you know, you you are the person that inspires people. And if if there's anybody struggling at the moment, or if there's anybody with a disability or with the circumstances, what what's your message to to those people?

SPEAKER_01 26:03

Well, never give up. There's awful a lot, there's an awful lot everybody could do if they work hard, strive to be productive. Don't listen to the naysayers who tell you something is just too difficult or you can't do it. What's important is how you feel about yourself. And it's an incredibly great feeling to know you can still make a difference in other people's lives if you work hard and get to the position where you could eventually help others, you'll feel so much better about yourself. And now I might add, I am such a proud father that I have to keep a smile on my face and work hard because I want to be a good example to my sons. They're now 21 years old, they're seniors at three separate colleges in upstate New York. They're doing absolutely incredible, making us all very proud, and that's so important to me. And I wanted to make sure people with disabilities know you can still lead a very active personal life that's very satisfying and could make a huge difference in your life. And I was fortunate that I had the opportunity to work at the Viscati Center, which showed me what so many different people with disabilities are doing with their lives and how much everybody can do if given the opportunity.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

Being an example, that's that's very powerful. And I think you're a great example of uh what people can do no matter what. Before we leave, if people are interested to follow your work and connect with you, where can they do that?

SPEAKER_01 27:43

Well, they can go on my website, which is my name, kencunkin.com. That will tell them one how they can contact me, but it'll tell them a lot more about me, my life, what I've done, um, and I I think provide whatever information they need they could probably find on that website. And it will also tell them how they could purchase my book, which is available not only in hardcover, but in an e-book version as well as an audiobook version.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Can you tell our listeners the title again of the book?

SPEAKER_01 28:17

I dream of things that never were the Ken Kumpkin story.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

That's amazing. Thank you again for sharing your story and for giving your perspective today. And I think this conversation will help people and will give people hope that no matter what, you can keep going and you can still achieve a lot in life. And I think something that probably the mission or the goal to help people inspire you and you kept going is really a good example that we can help people, you know, just be a good example, do the right thing, work hard, and people will you know will benefit from you. And I think that's that's something that many people can learn.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

Thank you, and you put it very nicely, very well said.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

Thank you everyone for listening and watching to another episode from Drift to Direction. If today's conversation inspired you, share it with someone who may need this message today. And remember, sometimes life drifts us into moments we never expected. But those moments can also lead us towards a completely new direction and purpose. I'll see you in the next episode.