Attraction: The First Relationship Spark

Welcome to Love Letters with Jason & Ros!  We’ve kicked off our podcast with Episode 1: “A”— Attraction | The First Relationship Spark! Join in on the hot conversation as we discuss what attraction really is, how it starts, and how attraction can change over time.

Why Love Letters with Jason & Ros is for you—
Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, married, or parenting, this podcast is here to help you navigate, overcome challenges, and strengthen your love relationships!

Chapters:

• 0:00     Welcome to Love Letters with Jason & Ros
• 3:12     "How I Met Him" / "How I Met Her"
• 9:30     How Most Relationships Start- Physical Attraction
• 11:14   The Importance of Being Yourself
• 12:17   Growing Attraction Establishes Connections
• 13:00   Attraction Challenges & Overcoming Them
• 17:22   Biblical Truth: 1 Samuel 16:7b
• 20:38   Seeing the Heart- Inner Beauty
• 23:23   Key Power Takeaways on Attraction
• 28:18   Closing Prayer

Additional Content & Notes:

• 1 Samuel 16:7b “…For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
• Single & Dating?  You’re initially attracted to someone and want to take the next steps: 
  • Take time to get to know what’s in their heart.
  • Gradually reveal deeper details about yourself when you feel safe, allowing them to get to know you.
  • Remember the Do's and Don'ts of attraction!!
• Engaged & Married?  Keep the communication lines wide OPEN about attraction and the flames of attraction burning!
  • Share the things that most attract you about the other- (Inside and Outside)
  • Stay connected to the “new” things that attract you- people change, develop, and grow in character over time!

Personal Reflections:  

• Are you appropriately handling attractions in your life?  
• Are you embracing what’s in your heart that makes you attractive? 
• Take time to pray, asking God for wisdom on how to live a life with healthy attractions.

Live Out Your Love Letter Challenge:

• Share one thing that attracts you to your significant other—outside of their physical appearance and physical attributes.

Everything in one place: https://linktr.ee/loveletterswithjasonandros

Live out your Love Letter. 💌

Everything in one place: https://linktr.ee/loveletterswithjasonandros

Live out your Love Letter. 💌

Transcript

Welcome to Love Letters with Jason & Ros

SPEAKER_03 0:00

But I found myself struggling with being attractive to myself.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Am I handling attractions appropriately?

SPEAKER_03 0:09

You know, like in the movies, when when somebody you see somebody and it's like they're walking by and it's like slow motion.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

I push the elevator button and then the door opened. Today in particular, we're talking about attraction. Well, hey everybody, we want to welcome you to the first episode of Love Letters with Jason and Rob. I'm so grateful for you to be here in this space. Um, now the question is: who is this podcast for? Let me tell you, it's for those that are single, those of you who may be dating, you're engaged, you're married, and even for parents, this gives you an opportunity to talk to your kids about certain things. So we want to welcome you in this space and place. So, Roz, what is Love Letters about? You're supposed to tell me what Love Letters is about. Am I?

SPEAKER_03 1:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Uh-oh. Love letters is about. See, I'm messing up already. Okay, here's what it's all about. Basically, what we do is we take a letter in the alphabet and we're going to talk about a word around that particular letter. Today, in particular, we're talking about attraction. But what we're going to do is we're going to talk about that word. We're going to talk about challenges that may come around that situation or that particular word. We're going to give you tips. We're going to give you tricks to help you navigate around that particular topic. And every single week, we're going to challenge you. Now, I'm not going to tell you what the challenge is, but we're going to challenge you and we're going to give you some PowerPoints so that you can be successful in your relationships.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

Basically, the vision of Love Letters is helping you navigate, face, and overcome challenges as well as strengthen your love relationships. Whatever those relationships may be, whether it's dating, engaged, married, parents, whatever that may be, we just want you to be strengthened and empowered in your love relationships.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Yeah. And so what we're going to do each, every other week, see, I was about to say each week, I got a problem with that. But every other week, what we're going to do is we're going to tell you a story, right? Around that particular topic. In addition to the story, we're going to tell you some tips and tricks on how you can navigate around that particular topic. And then lastly, what we're going to do is we're going to share a biblical truth around that subject. All right. And of course, what we want you to do is like, share, subscribe, and even more importantly, we want you to make comments. We want to hear how this is working for you, how it's bringing health and strength to your relationships, because that's the most important thing. All right. So you ready to dig in? I'm ready to dig in.

SPEAKER_03 3:02

A for attraction. I'm ready to do this.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

All right, A4 Attraction. So, like I said before, we got stories to tell. So you want to tell the story first? Okay.

"How I Met Him" / "How I Met Her"

SPEAKER_03 3:13

So our story is how I met him, how he met her. Or how I met her. So how I met him, uh, it was 1998. I'm sorry, 1988. Lord have mercy. 1988. I was at a basketball game at UWM with my friend Trend Fields. Trend, if you are out there, hey, I love you. You still are a part of our relationship, believe it or not.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Yeah. But anyway. A huge part. Without you, I don't know if we'd be sitting here.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

So I was sitting with my friend in the bleachers, Trend, and all of a sudden I look down at the floor and I see these two guys. One guy I recognized, his name was Jared. I didn't know his name at the time, but he was always cool, trendy dressed. High top fade, all of that. And then there was this other guy with him that had on this lavender type shirt. He also had a high top fade. And when I looked at him, you know, like in the movie, you know, like in the movies when when somebody you see somebody and it's like they're walking by and it's like slow motion. Well, that's exactly how it was. It was like this slow motion guy just walking, and he had this smile on his face, and I loved his teeth, and I loved his smile. And I was looking at him and I'm thinking, who is that? And I must have said it out loud because Trent was like, Oh, that's Jason and Jared. And then she was like, Hey, she called him up. They came up, and oh my god, we met. Um, it was just a brief introduction, but then I'll get to part two a little bit later. Go ahead, tell how I met her.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

So, yeah, so you know, me and Jared, we came in there, we love basketball. And basically what happened is this Trend was like, Trend was actually in my English class. So that's how I knew Trend. So I went on up there, and you know, I was like, oh my God, she is so fine. But you know, you know how you gotta keep cool. So I was trying to keep all cool, introduce myself. It was just a very brief interaction. Now, here's where it gets crazy. So on campus, there are three towers, and I don't know how many towers. Yeah, three dorm towers. How many floors on those?

SPEAKER_03 5:45

So the north tower had or has 26 floors. Um the east tower was the smallest, I think that has 16 floors, and then there was the west tower, wasn't it? Oh no, no, south tower. South tower, sorry. South tower. That was somewhere in between the 26 and 16 floors. But the bottom line is I lived on the east tower on the 14th floor in my suite with my roommate. I'm coming, am I coming out of the no, I'm coming out of my suite. This is the the game is over, same day, same evening. So the game is over. I'm coming out of my dorm. I don't know what I was coming out for, but I was coming out to go downstairs. So I was catching the elevator. The elevator opened up, and who's coming out of the elevator?

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Okay, see, this is this is the part of the story she always messes up because me and my friend Jared, we went to go hang out with some friends, right? And so I told Jared, hey, I'm gonna go hang out someplace else. I left, I pushed the elevator button, and then the door opened. It was like there she was. And I thought to myself, oh my goodness, I've got a second opportunity. Let me turn on the MAC juice. So I turned on the MAC juice and I introduced myself, and that's when we started having conversation. And I remember that was the case because we had to walk upstairs to get to your floor in order to get to your dorm.

SPEAKER_03 7:22

True that, true that. So he comes to my room, he follows me to my room, creepy. But here's the other thing. She let me follow. Here's the other thing. No, wait, no, stop, be quiet. So, anyway, in the elevator, when he comes out or I go in, I don't know which was which, but he kisses my hand when he introduces himself. And I'm thinking, this dude don't know me, but I guess he viewed me as a lady. So I appreciated that because the last time I think I had my hand kissed, I was a I was a little girl. But he he kissed my hand and he introduced himself, and I thought that was pretty cool. So we go into my dorm room, and you remember that you know the little yellow sticky things. Yeah, those were still around in 1988, just in case you don't know. But the little yellow sticky post-its, I had them on my desk in my dorm, and he wanted to write his number down. So he writes his number on the paper. He puts Jason H and he puts his number and I'm thinking, what's your last name? He didn't he's trying to be mysterious and all that, but anyway, I took his number and then I gave him mine. So he goes downstairs uh to the lobby or what have you, and he calls me as soon as he gets downstairs. I guess he was trying to see if my number, if I gave him the correct phone number. So that's it.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

I wanted to know because guess what? I would have gone right back upstairs and got the right number.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

So that's how we met. And the bottom line is I believe it was it was love at first sight. I really believe it was love.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Maybe not love, a little bit of lust at first sight for me. Because she was fine, boy.

SPEAKER_03 9:09

Checking me out when he was walking behind me on the yeah, on the stairs. He was checking me out.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

But anyways, okay, okay. Just stop it. So, you know, our topic today is attraction. Yes. And the reason why we wanted to start off with our story is because most relationships start with some type

How Most Relationships Start- Physical Attraction

SPEAKER_00 9:30

of physical attraction. There's typically something that you like about that person that draws you to them. Now, somebody, somebody said this to me that I thought was pretty interesting. Well, it's not always physical attraction. You know, sometimes it's friends that all of a sudden, you know, friends that all of a sudden see something that they haven't seen before. Guess what? Attraction. Yeah. You just saw something that you may not have ever seen before. So there's always gonna be some type of physical pool that brings us together.

SPEAKER_03 10:04

That's called attraction delayed. But it's still attraction. I like that attraction delay. It happens to a lot of us.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

So then the question becomes okay, what happens after this attraction? Basically, you know, when you meet someone for the first time, you know, there's got to be some level of conversation that takes place or some type of something that intrigues you to go ahead and take the next step in that relationship. What are your thoughts about that?

SPEAKER_03 10:37

I totally agree. You've got to start having a conversation, you've got to open your mouth and have dialogue because I think that's important.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:44

I mean, that's what we did.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

Yeah, so there's something in the conversation that is intriguing about the individual enough that would cause you to go ahead and take a next step. Because I mean, I think about it, when we met that first time, if you know, you couldn't talk or if your breath was smelly, or you know, there were some other issues, there wouldn't have been any intrigue to go ahead and take that next step.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

True that. And I think

The Importance of Being Yourself

SPEAKER_03 11:14

what's most important when it comes to that initial attraction beyond the physical is people learning how to be themselves. If you can feel comfortable being yourself around somebody, that to me is a really great sign. That's a great sign of there could be something more here, something that goes beyond the physical attraction. So I think being yourself, being your authentic you, I think those things are extremely important because if somebody's gonna get to know you beyond the physical, yeah, beyond what you look like on the outside, they want to get to know you intimately. I think it's important to be yourself. You don't have to like tell all your business and expose everything, but I do think it's important to just be your genuine self.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:06

Um, if they like you, if they're attracted, they're gonna, they're gonna, they're gonna keep on pursuing, um, or you'll keep on pursuing each other. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

So

Growing Attraction Establishes Connections

SPEAKER_00 12:17

there's that initial physical attraction, then there's that intrigue, and then also what we begin to see is that attraction begins to grow and evolve over time. So it goes from that physical to that uh emotional time of connection. And then when we get a little bit deeper, now we're starting to see some type of spiritual, spiritual, spiritual attraction, which is very important uh in any relationship.

SPEAKER_03 12:46

There needs to be some kind of there needs to be a connection and to go deeper, spirit is the deepest that you can get. Yeah, I think in a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Oh, for sure, for sure. I agree. So, you know,

Attraction Challenges & Overcoming Them

SPEAKER_00 13:00

what are what are some of the challenges or some of the problems? Oops, some of the challenges or some of the problems that come along with attraction.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

Well, one of the things for sure, um you may not find the person attractive anymore. Um, I know for me, I I wasn't, I didn't find myself attractive anymore for a time, you know, after having four babies, you know, my body changed. Everything about me changed, especially when I started hitting menopause. Um, we'll talk about body changes on another one, but but I found myself struggling with being attractive to myself, let alone to my husband. Um, but that's one of those challenges.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Yeah. I think another challenge, probably more so for men than women, is being attracted to someone outside of your partner or outside of your significant other. And I think another challenge, and probably a big challenge and serious challenge, is when attraction moves from just that to something creepy, or even when it turns into lust, you know, desiring something that really doesn't belong to you, something that's you know that's rather unhealthy. Yeah. Agreed. So I mean, looking at, you know, looking at some of those challenges, you know, how how do we overcome some of those challenges?

SPEAKER_03 14:36

The most important thing we need to do when we're faced with a an attraction challenge, if you will, is create a safe, uh, a safe space to open dialogue, to begin communicating. Um, if if it's a personal issue, start praying first. Pray first, then talk to your significant other about how you're feeling. But I I truly believe communication is going to be key here. Um, opening up dialogue, not being afraid to be vulnerable and truthful about the struggle or the challenge that you're that you're dealing with.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

Yeah, I think vulnerability is a huge thing. Um, it's sometimes difficult for people to talk about serious issues, and and we'll talk more about that when we talk about communication. But there is something behind vulnerability that brings about, you know, just a greater attraction or a greater drawing to one another. I I think about, you know, I think about myself, and I tell guys, I tell guys this all the time. It's it's hilarious. You know, prior to getting married, I found all kinds of women attractive. I mean, they were beautiful. It's like going to Miami Beach, you know, at 18 years old. Come on now, right? But I tell guys this all the time, and it's a it's hilarious. Women didn't become ugly just because I got married. Other women didn't either exactly other women continued to be attractive, so then there needed to be something greater for me to stay grounded and attracted to my wife in our marriage. And those are very real issues that we need to, you know, work through and deal with. And so I thank God that, you know, I started putting in the work. I thank God that I started having more vulnerable types of conversations because what that did is that created a space and even a mindset for me to just appreciate my wife. I mean, look, she's fine. She is beautiful. I get to wake up to this every single day. And she's talking about four babies. Look, four babies later, she's still fine. I'm blessed. Faber, favor, favored. Thank you. All right, so those are some ways that we can overcome. And like I said earlier,

Biblical Truth: 1 Samuel 16:7b

SPEAKER_00 17:22

we always want to share a biblical truth around our topic. So we're talking about attraction today. And what's what's a biblical truth that we like to share?

SPEAKER_03 17:34

Well, we're gonna come from 1 Samuel 16, 7. It says, For the Lord does not see as man sees. For the man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. And this is something that I always say. Let me just let me pull it up real quick. You gotta read it. Yeah, I gotta read it. Readers are readers. Quiet. Um, basically, attraction brings you to the door, but the character of the heart keeps you in the house. Attraction brings you to the door, but the character of the heart is what keeps you in the house.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

I like that.

SPEAKER_03 18:20

So we need to look at the heart.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Really? So so my question is simply this what are you looking at when you look at someone on the street, when you look at your partner, when you you know, when you look at yourself, are you just looking at the physical appearance or are you looking at the heart? And I you know, I really I really believe it's important. And the reason why I I feel so strongly about that is sometimes we've got a poor perception of ourselves. And because of that poor perception of what is attractive and what's not attractive about myself, that ends up being projected on other people, and that can actually influence how they may feel about you. So even even as a woman, I think I think this may be, and you know, if I'm if I'm off, say Jason, you're off, right? I do believe that this may be an issue that's bigger with women, right?

SPEAKER_03 19:34

I can agree.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

Um having uh a lower perspective about themselves, about how attractive they are, yeah, when it's like they are so beautiful inside and embracing that beauty inside, it just begins to radiate on the outside.

SPEAKER_03 19:53

I remember this movie, it was called I Feel Pretty. That movie was hilarious. I don't know if you ever saw that movie, I feel pretty. But it was about a woman who was, you know, a little plus size and a little overweight. And her and her little friends, they just they didn't maybe she felt that her friends were pretty, but she didn't feel that she was pretty. And something happened to her. She had a bump on the head or something, and she ended up waking up and she looked at herself in the mirror and it was different. She finally saw herself pretty, but what she was really seeing was not her outward appearance, she was seeing the inner beauty, and I

Seeing the Heart- Inner Beauty

SPEAKER_03 20:38

think as women or men, if you're not feeling attractive, learn to embrace your inner beauty. Everybody's got inner beauty, everybody has something about them that's you know, we're all fearfully and wonderfully made. Everyone has something that is beautiful about them. It could be a gift, a talent, it could just be their very personality, their heart, their heart of giving. They could be just a joyous person, they could be skilled at something, but the bottom line is we all have something that is beautiful about us. And we've got to, we've got to embrace and learn to embrace that inner beauty that comes because once you start embracing what's on the inside, guess what? It exudes on the outside, it starts to show up and it makes you radiant and glorious, and the people, the right person will be attracted to that, and you vice versa, you'll be attracted to whatever that beauty is being radiate, uh radiating from that person. So understanding you know the energy of the heart and the beauty that is is coming out of the person from the inside, because that. Is what's most important. Not the outside. The outside changes. The beauty phase. You know, things change on the outside. But this is but what's on the inside, that's what we we come to love. That's where the connection is, the true connection is made. And I think when we're meeting people and we're initially attracted, it's important to just say, okay, Lord, show me their heart. What's in their heart? And sometimes they'll reveal that over time as you get to know them. Other times it might be a little tough. Some people might be a little more guarded than others. But asking and praying about uh the Lord showing you their heart, I think is very, very important.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Yeah. Um, this just hit me a second ago. Even I'll just step outside of the framework of a relationship just for a moment. You know, even with that movie, it opened up opportunities for her professionally. Yeah. I mean, major opportunities. She got a boyfriend out of the deal. She got a boyfriend out of the deal, too. So um, you know, really embracing who you are on the inside becomes attractive to everyone that's around you. And so

Key Power Takeaways on Attraction

SPEAKER_00 23:23

we always want to give you a couple of power points. Is it okay to give them some power points? Powerpoints. Okay, are you single or dating? All right, if you're single or dating, what I want you to do is simply this they need to take time to learn what's in the other person's heart. Absolutely. You agree with that? I totally agree. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

Now we're saying these things not because we're pros, because we're not. But we're seeing and sharing these things from the things that we've learned. Some things we had to learn the hard way. And I'm keeping that real. We had to learn it the hard way, but we learned it. Yeah. And it's sometimes when you get to a certain age, it's like, man, I wish somebody would have told me that when I was in this stage or this age or whatever, whatever I was going through, I wish somebody would have told me. So we're just one of those, we're we're that couple that's telling you. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Just be open to receive it. Yeah, just receive it. Just receive it. There you go.

SPEAKER_03 24:21

Yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

So, okay. So if you're engaged or if you're married, we want to encourage you to keep the lines of communication open. Absolutely. Now, I I just I just want to set share this one piece. Um, continue to share your heart attractions. Yes. Okay. Like I said earlier, the physical appearance may change. But if you continue to share what you're attracted to in their hearts, guess what? They will always be beautiful. Yes. They will always be lovely. There will always be an attraction.

SPEAKER_03 25:01

And in new ways, too. In new ways.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:04

Like for us, we always laugh and joke, but you know, we started turning gray, you know, turning gray. He done turned gray right here.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

That high type fade is like high top gone.

SPEAKER_03 25:19

But you know what? And even the glasses thing, maybe when we hit 40, yeah, it's like it's time to go on some readers, right? But the bottom line is even with all of that, man, he still looks handsome and good to me. It's like, man, I am blessed. I love chocolate. That's my absolute favorite. Anyway, let me not go there. Let me not go there. But anyway, chocolate thunder. The glasses, the gray, you know, a little filling out here and there. It's it's it's sexy to me.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:53

I love it.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Yeah, same here. I like caramel and peanut butter. That peanut butter skin. I love her feet. I always say she's got pretty little feet. I love her feet.

SPEAKER_03 26:08

So yeah, all good, all good. So find out what because as people change and evolve, you might see somebody in there, your your partner or your loved one in their element. And it looks beautiful to you. I mean, you start getting attracted to the the stuff that they know, the stuff that they share, the things that they do. It's like, man, I love you because you can cook so good, you know, whatever the case may be. Find those things that that continue to surprise you and the things that you find attractive because you will find them if you seek them.

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Yes. Amen. So here's some uh personal reflection for you. So, you know, one question that you need to ask yourself is simply this Am I handling attractions appropriately? Okay, so my attraction to my partner, my attraction to my wife, attractions to individuals as you know, single or if you're dating or engaged, am I handling my attractions appropriately? You know, another thing is are you embracing what's attractive about yourself? The moment you hear negative things come out of your mouth about what you about yourself, what you've done is you've taken, you've taken your eyes off of what makes you beautiful on the inside, and you've started putting your eyes on things that change with life. It's like Thanos says, I'm inevitable. It's and it's inevitable that change is going to come. Absolutely. It's inevitable. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

So I love that.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

Yeah, I love it too. That's why I said it. Thanos. All right. So if you're if your answer is no to any of these things, we just want to encourage you to pray about your situation. Right? All right.

Live Out Your Love Letter Challenge

SPEAKER_00 28:18

Did you have anything you want to say before we close out the attraction episode? I think I'm good. All right. Let me let's see, I'm so in track that I had to kiss on the episode. All right. So every week we offer up a challenge. What's the challenge, Ben?

SPEAKER_03 28:37

Live out your love letter and let us know about it. Tell us about it.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

Let us know about how you lived out attraction this week, right? And then also what we want to do before we close out, we always want to just have a quick word of prayer with you to encourage you, at least for this week, in your attraction journey. All right, so let's pray. Father, we thank you for this opportunity to talk about attractions with this awesome audience. We thank you that when they look at themselves, they look at the heart first, yes, and that they see what's beautiful about themselves on the inside. And I thank you that that comes out in every single interaction in their life. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_03 29:25

Make sure you like, share, and subscribe. And don't forget to leave those comments.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

The comments are probably more important than anything because we want to hear your voice, what's important to you, and that's gonna help us with developing more content in the future, right?

SPEAKER_03 29:42

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

So, what are we gonna talk about next time?

SPEAKER_03 29:45

Next episode, we're gonna talk about D for dating.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Dating. So this is after we first met. The next natural step. The next step was dating. Yeah, okay, that makes perfect sense. All right, guys, we hope you had a wonderful time. Thank you so much for letting us into your space, into your world, and thank you for watching Love Letters with Jason and Rai. All right, we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_03 30:14

Bye bye.