Love Letters with Jason & Ros

Why Is This So Hard In Marriages?

• Jason and Ros Hamilton • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Yes, you read that title right! In Episode 5, we’re unpacking “M” for Marriage — and revealing the two cuss words that can wreck marriages when we ignore God’s design.

Marriage isn’t a contract. It’s a covenant that thrives (or falls apart) based on how we choose to live it, God’s way or our way. We’re getting real about what it takes to build a marriage filled with joy, peace, trust, and genuine love, even when it’s hard.

Dear Singles, this is for you too! You don’t have to be married to gain wisdom, perspective, and hope for your relationships. What we share here can help prepare your heart, protect it, and align it with God’s vision for love.  Our prayer and purpose: That your thinking shifts, heart strengthens, and you walk away empowered to live out your love letters.

Hit play and prepare for transformative truths, laughter, and a fresh perspective on what marriage really requires. This conversation might just change how you live and love!

Chapters:

  • 0:00     Welcome Intro
  • 1:40     What Everyone Needs to Know About Marriage!
  • 8:55     Engaged Twice, Broke Up Thrice, 3rd Time Was a Charm— Our Marriage Story
  • 17:31   “Husband & Wife Life” After the Honeymoon
  • 19:46   Marriage Challenge #1- Unawareness of the Covenant
  • 20:42   Marriage Challenge #2- The Soulmate Myth
  • 21:36   The Two CUSS WORDS of Marriage- Challenge #3
  • 32:15   Marriage Challenge #4- A Broken Covenant
  • 35:56   Don’t Give Up On Loving Again After Breakup or Divorce
  • 37:00   Biblical Truth— 1 Peter Chapter 3, Verses 1 and 7
  • 40:12   Overcoming & Winning in Marriage
  • 43:38   Episode 5 Power Takeaways for Your Marriage
  • 52:03   Your Love Letter Challenge & Closing Prayer

3 Purposes of Marriage:
Marriage and family are by God’s design. It is the first ordinance He created between one man and one woman with a divine purpose for life on earth.

  1. Carry Out the Covenant - Through respect, loyalty, and commitment.
  2. Procreate - Be fruitful and multiply. Couples without children can STILL be Spiritual parents and leaders in helping disciple the next generation.
  3. Companionship - Love, Support, and mutual Service.

Power Takeaways to Win in Marriage:

  1. Keep Covenant— Stay committed and mindful of the “covenant” promise between the two of you and God. Seek help when and if the covenant is “broken.”
  2. Expect Challenges—  They WILL come; be prepared to face and do the work together without blame.
  3. Submit & Serve— For strength and growth.
    1. There’s power in submitting to each other
    2. There’s peace in his “Godly” leadership
  4. Get regular marriage check-ups/tune-ups! Agree to participate in the 3 Cs:
    1. Level 1: Conversations
    2. Level 2: Conferences
    3. Level 3: Counseling & Coaching

Biblical Truths:

  • 1 Peter Chapter 3, verses 1 and 7
    • 1“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.”
    • 7“The same goes for you husbands: Be good to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives as equals so your prayers won’t be hindered.”

Live Out Your Love Letter Challenge:

  • Conduct a “Marriage Check-up or Tune-up!” 

Everything in one place: https://linktr.ee/loveletterswithjasonandros

Live out your Love Letter. 💌

Everything in one place: https://linktr.ee/loveletterswithjasonandros

Live out your Love Letter. 💌

Intro

SPEAKER_00

One thing that we can choose are the decisions that we make. But the thing that we cannot choose are the consequences of those decisions.

SPEAKER_02

One thing I want to say about submission is submission is not slavery. It's not subordination. It's not oppression. Submission is just getting under the mission of whatever God has for the husband.

SPEAKER_00

And here's the other part that word satisfy means to quench your thirst. Let her breast quench your thirst at all times. So that lets me know there is something natural within us as men that craves after our spouses.

SPEAKER_02

We fell into that happily ever after lie, you know, we we married, that's it. It's done. The end. But being new Christians, not knowing what true marriage and the covenant of marriage was all about, we were just naive to that. And we had no idea that wasn't the end. That was just the beginning. It was just the beginning of many things to come and many more life lessons to learn.

SPEAKER_00

All right, Ross, so what are we talking about today?

SPEAKER_02

Today we are talking about M for marriage.

SPEAKER_00

Well, hey everyone. We want to welcome you to another episode of Love Letters with Jason and Rod.

What Everyone Needs to Know About Marriage!

SPEAKER_02

We want to start off by saying this: there is something, there are some things that everybody needs to know about marriage. Even if you're already married, even if you've been married before and you're kind of thinking about, you know, entering into another love relationship, whatever the case may be, there is something everybody needs to know about marriage. So we're gonna kick that off. So first of all, what is marriage? Marriage is not a contract, marriage is a covenant. All right, if you check Genesis chapter 2, marriage is a covenant and it was set and ordained by God. Um, it is between a man and a woman, and marriage is a direct reflection of the spiritual covenant and connection that God made and has with humanity. Marriage also has a purpose, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_00

It sure does.

SPEAKER_02

So the first purpose, of course, is to carry out the covenant. That is our job. We're supposed to carry out the covenant because it is the first ordinance with purpose to also procreate. We are to have children, be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it. We are also to enjoy companionship. Yes, it was not good for man to be alone, but I call companionship this, I call it romance plus benefits because marriage includes friendship, support, and mutual service, which is, as we said before, love, the act of service to benefit the other person. Also in Genesis, when God took the the bone or the rib out of Adam and He said, and Adam saw woman and he was like, wow, he said, This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. So he knew at that moment that out of all creation, he had his mate for that was suitable for him.

SPEAKER_00

So she took a she took a little bit of my thunder.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_00

But no, it's okay. So what I want to talk to you about is how do we do marriage? It's like, what's the what's the practical application of marriage? I'm gonna give him, I'm gonna give him marriage 101.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, marriage 101.

SPEAKER_00

So the first thing is this recognize what you've been given. Uh Ross says said it a second ago that Adam had Eve. Eve was this help me. And what I learned about that word, help me, yes, it means suitable. It means a suitable fit, or you're just right for me.

SPEAKER_02

Nice.

SPEAKER_00

It's not a soulmate, no, but you're just right for me to help me fulfill God's purpose in my life. So you're there on purpose, you're right for me. And then the second thing is this. So recognize what you've been given. The second thing is this leave and cleave. Let me say that again. Leave and cleave. Leave and cleave. What does that mean? Okay. When you get married, you're supposed to leave your mama's house. You're supposed to leave your parents' house, and you're supposed to cleave to your own wife and your own family. Build your own family. Exactly. And with that family, the one thing you got to recognize is simply this. I don't care how many kids you have, I don't care how beautiful those babies' eyes are, how curly those locks are, none of that matters. Your spouse is the highest priority in that house. My wife my spouse trumps the house. Bottom line. So leave and cleave, you leave your parents and you establish your own family unit. And then within that family unit, your spouse is the highest priority, not the kids. Not only that, it is within a covenant. So your marriage is a promise between you and your spouse, husband and wife. It's a promise and it is sacred. Then the next thing is this this is how you do marriage, naked and not ashamed. Right? He said uh they were in the garden and they were bucked naked and not ashamed. I know she was gone.

SPEAKER_02

Stop it.

SPEAKER_00

That's that's first Jason. They were naked two and two. So they were naked and not ashamed. What does that mean? Conversation needs to be hot, yes, honest, open, and transparent. Yes. What you should be experiencing is vulnerability without fear and shame.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So that's how you do marriage. Vulnerable without fear and without shame. And then the last thing, this is this is, I won't say it's my favorite part, but it's showing up a good part of how you do marriage. Uh my my uh good friend King Solomon said it this way, and I'm going to read it to you from Proverbs 5 and 19. So this point is be satisfied. Now, let me tell you what he says. Let her breasts satisfy you at all times. You want me to read that again? Sure, go ahead. Let her breasts satisfy you at all times. Now, here's what's crazy about this scripture. I was reading it and I said, okay, there were two words that popped off the page. Number one was let, and then the next one was satisfying. Okay, so if you look at that, now remember, he's talking to the husband. He's saying let. So that means don't prevent her breasts from satisfying you. So the question is, how would that ever occur? Well, if you're going to get another set of breasts, that would be problematic. Am I right? True. Right. And here's the other part that word satisfy means to quench your thirst. Let her breasts quench your thirst at all times. So that lets me know there is something natural within us as men that craves after our spouses. And we need to recognize that and we need to make sure that we even have dialogue about that because being satisfied is a huge part of doing marriage. Now, there are going to be those times and those moments where being together is just not appropriate. You know, you may be experiencing uh your period that month. You may have just had a baby and we haven't even hit the six-week mark yet. There is always going to be some grace extended, but we do we do recognize that part of doing marriage is being satisfied.

SPEAKER_02

Yep, being intimate and being satisfied, and enjoying one another. I think that that's the key. Enjoying one another genuinely, absolutely with our whole heart.

SPEAKER_00

So, you know,

Engaged Twice, Broke Up Thrice, 3rd Time Was a Charm— Our Marriage Story

SPEAKER_00

what what's our what's our marriage story?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, our marriage story. I'm gonna call our marriage story engaged twice, broke up thrice, but the third time was a charm. How about that?

SPEAKER_00

Okay, so we got uh we got engaged two times, we broke up three times, but then the third time was a charm.

SPEAKER_02

When we got back together finally, I will say this though, as far as I'm concerned, our road to I do, our journey to I do was pretty rocky, you know. Um, and the reason why it was rocky is because we was living that BC life before Christ. We were living that BC life. And so, first for us, of course, came naturally attraction, then came dating, then came premarital relations. And I will say this those six years of off and on, it was rough only because we didn't have Jesus. Yeah, we didn't have Jesus in our relationship. I mean, we thought we did, you know, we believed on Jesus, but it's just when you finally come to really recognize who Jesus is and what he's done for you at that point, you know, we ended up really being saved for real. And then we understood our purpose together for real.

SPEAKER_00

And I I was gonna say, so you you bring up a good point of there is knowing Jesus or knowing about Jesus and then passionately pursuing a relationship with them. Here's the deal. Yeah, we knew them, we knew about them, but we weren't pursuing a relationship with them because it is real hard to pursue a relationship with him and live a reckless lifestyle. There's just so much guilt and there's so much shame that comes along with that, yeah, and no one wants to live under that heavy burden. And so for us, at the point of actively pursuing a relationship with God, that's when things really shifted and things began to change. So the story from my perspective is simply this basically, I was fasting and praying, trying to get closer to God. You know, I had just gotten saved. And during my time of praying, I kept hearing this voice saying, Mary Ross. I'm like, okay, that's awkward because we had been broken up for six months. But I'm like, okay, shake that off. I'm praying, fasting. I want to get closer to God. Mary Ross, okay, that's the devil. Let me let me let me bear down and really pray hard and focus. But the more I prayed and asked to, I want to get closer to you, the more I heard that statement. Mary Ross. I went on to meet with her and tell her that God said that we're supposed to get married. And she told me, get on with your life, because I've gone on with my mind, with mine, which I could respect. But I came back and said, Okay, look, forget all that stuff. I just want you to know Jesus. I want you to understand and know what I've been experiencing and what I've been going through. And so that's what we did. We begin to uh spend time together in God's word. We begin to pray together. Roz began to fast. And, you know, shortly after that, she had gotten saved. And and I remember saying to her this this final time that we had gotten engaged. I said, look, whatever you do, don't trust me.

SPEAKER_02

That's right.

SPEAKER_00

Trust God to keep me.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

And I think that that was a was that a defining absolutely that was a turning point.

SPEAKER_02

And and we got engaged that that second time. So it was like, you know what, this was for real this time. Yeah. We were we were serious this time, and it it felt different. It felt well, I'll put it this way there was a peace that came and that was confirmation for me and for you. A peace and knowing that we're doing the right thing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. But then there's always a plot twist, right? So here's the plot twist. We're engaged to be married, you know, we're starting our process of getting things together. Well, remember, I said that we were broken up for six months. Well, I found out later on after being engaged during that six-month period, Ross had an intimate relationship with someone that I knew. I mean, I was fairly close with. And oh my goodness, that tore me up. Now, granted, remember, we were six years dating. Most of the garbage that took place was, yeah, this guy right here. I was doing the mess. Now, this one time, it's like I I was angry. I was angry, I was upset, I was hurt, even though we were apart, and she had every right to do so. But I was thinking about it the other day. I said, you know what? I called, I actually called Roz on the phone. You did. I said, you know what, babe, I need to apologize to you because, and I need to ask your forgiveness. And I asked her for forgiveness because it was my fault. One thing that we can choose are the decisions that we make. Yeah, that's right. But the thing that we cannot choose are the consequences of those decisions. Yeah, I made poor decisions, I pushed her away, and that was a consequence of that decision. You were bearing the burden of that. It's like her burden was, oh, you know, she hurt me. Well, yeah, but there was a bigger issue in the backdrop.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And so, you know, because of that, I I struggled, but then I came to a realization that I was wrong. I was one that I was the one who caused the problem. And therefore it brought me to a place of of just apologizing and just asking for for forgiveness. And thank you.

SPEAKER_02

And I appreciate that. I appreciate you recognizing the Holy Spirit giving you that insight because I didn't even, I didn't even really think about it that way. I just was looking at, I was hurt, I was vulnerable, I was on the rebound, and this friend came. You know, we we had always been hanging out, but this friend came, and I was just I was open because I was feeling vulnerable at the time, and like, well, I guess he doesn't really love me. That was that was the thought, you know, he's not ready to be with me the way I'm feel that I'm ready to be with him. But I I was I wasn't even ready either. Truth be told, I wasn't ready. However, I just I thought that I was, you know, and I kind of was a little a little proud of how I treated him, and I felt like, well, whatever, you know, but that was a that was a poor attitude on my on my part as well. But thank God he forgave me and we went on and and we continued to have our Bible studies and so on and so forth. I got saved uh for real this time, and then we finally hit this very small period of time where we were for real courting, yes, courting with the intent to marry. Um, and when we got to that point, eventually, when it was all said and done, we were married. And man, it was like there's this photo that you're about to see. This, you know, that photo was was at our reception and we were dancing. It was getting late. We're about to close everything down, but like the final dance. Yeah, just the whole my mindset at the time was man, we have finally arrived. We're finally married. I I we fell into that happily ever after life, you know. We we married, that's it, it's done. The end.

“Husband & Wife Life” After the Honeymoon

SPEAKER_02

But being new Christians, not knowing what true marriage and the covenant of marriage was all about. I mean, we were just naive to that, and and we had no idea that wasn't the end. That was just the beginning. It was just the beginning of many things to come and many more life lessons to learn as we started our journey. And I like I said, started our journey of love relationship as husband and wife. So it was it was an eye-opening experience for us. And I think as we got, you know, once we got married and the the challenges began to come in our relationship, at that point we started to realize what the true meaning of of marriage was all about. Would you say that?

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. Um one thing that I recognize is marriage is work.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And we were trying to figure out what marriage work really was. We were trying to figure that out. It was more than just trying to keep one another happy, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And saying, I love you, walk around the house all honeymoon phase, you know. I get to wake up to you every morning.

SPEAKER_00

That stuff wears off fast. I mean, give it about six, eight months, that wears off. Maybe for some it's even quicker than maybe longer, you know, maybe two years. But there there comes a point in time that the butterflies go away.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And the fact that I've got someone that is a part of my life that I have to do life with that doesn't agree with me on everything, yeah, that has a completely different personality. Now, when we were hanging out, it was like, man, all the stuff that we did together, we loved it, we loved it. But something changes when you get married. We take on different roles, we take on different responsibilities, and those things come with their own set of challenges.

Marriage Challenge #1- Unawareness of the Covenant

SPEAKER_02

So, what are some of the challenges that you know I would say big picture-wise, if we had the big umbrella of the main uh reason we have challenges with marriage is that we enter into the marriage covenant, not knowing that it's a covenant. Yeah, um, not fully understanding what marriage means, what marriage means, the purpose behind it. And I think, you know, sometimes either one or both parties don't know about it and they're still thinking contract in their head, or some people know and they don't want to know, you know, you don't know or you don't want to know. You know, understanding that that covenant is between me, him, and God. And of course, the closer we get to God, the closer we get to each other. Um,

Marriage Challenge #2- The Soulmate Myth

SPEAKER_02

the second thing is the whole idea of I'm marrying the one, or there's this soulmate myth. There is no such thing as a soulmate. You know, God does not join souls in a marriage, he joins flesh. We become one flesh, not one soul. Our souls belong to God. We were created in his image and in his likeness, and so he doesn't join the soul, he joins the flesh. Just like we said earlier in Genesis 2, God took the rib from Adam and He made woman. From from him came woman. So bone of I'm bone of his bone, I'm flesh of his flesh. And so that is what's very important that we need to understand

Marriage Challenge #3 - The Two Cuss Words of Marriage

SPEAKER_02

when you want to talk about the cuss words.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

There's two cuss words.

SPEAKER_00

I'm about to cuss on the broadcast. Brother Jason about the cuss. There's two words submission and leadership. Ooh. Submission. Submission and leadership. You submission, you leadership. Okay, so let's talk about because submission and leadership is a challenge. Yes. It can be a challenge. It it is a challenge. Let me not even say can be. It is a challenge because there's that process of figuring out everybody's role as we're going through this process of growing in our marriages, right? So here's the deal. I'm gonna say this and I'm not misogynistic or chauvinistic. God designed men to be leaders and the heads of their households. He really did. Because he gave, when you look at Adam, Genesis is like a prototype of life.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

When you look at Adam, the first thing that he did was he gave him a responsibility. He created him, he gave him, he gave him a job, he gave him responsibility. And that responsibility was not just naming animals, it was for caring, intending to what God had placed in his hands. So when you look at it from a husband being a leader in his house, my job is to care for my wife, is to care for my children. Yes. To care and take care and protect my home. So when we look at the role of leadership, it's really clear that God has called man to be the leader of his home, right? Now that doesn't mean I'm a ruler or a dictator. Get in there, do this, da-da-da-da-da. Cook that food, woman. Cook that food, woman. I want my biscuits and some eggs now. Because I'm hungry. No, it's not a dictatorship. It's not a either we're gonna do it my way or it's never going to get done. Yeah. No, marriage is about compromise. Marriage is about working through disagreements and working through ideals together. Yes. But um, so he's not a ruler or dictator. A husband is a servant leader. Yes. If we look at Jesus as the perfect example, he came to serve and not be served. That's right. So to give his life. Exactly. So I'm gonna ask you a question. Completely unscripted, how have I operated as a servant leader in our life?

SPEAKER_02

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. I think for you, it has been, there have been moments where he let me put it this way, he recognized when I'm in a little distress, when I'm stressed, when I'm tired. And he just offers to help. Or he may kind of direct, he he used to direct the kids to do certain things, you know, let your mama sleep or whatever. I think just recognizing and being sensitive, kind of reading the room, reading the house, what is the temperature of the home? Is it, you know, is everybody stressed out? You know, does this do we need a little break? Um, do we need a little help? You know, whatever, whatever the case may be, that's number one. Um, I don't want to say that's number one, but that is one thing that I've seen. But I think the number one is seeking God. Um we've had moments where we used to have moments, you know, when we lived in Milwaukee and then we moved down here, but even living in Milwaukee when we first got married, he would have these moments where he would just go into we had a was it a two-bedroom, a two-bedroom upper upper flat. So he would just, you know, go into the room and and he would go into one of the rooms and just have his time with the Lord for hours, you know, and come back, you know, fast and praying. I and and then as as we had the kids, the kids would see that as well. He made sure that we went to church. Um just having a God presence and praying and reading the word, teaching the word to the kids, doing these types of things uh was was leadership, was definitely leadership. And there was a time where he had gotten you had gotten laid off. When we moved down here, he had gotten laid off. And I was pregnant with our third, with our son, and we were kind of in a little dire straits. He did what he needed to do.

SPEAKER_00

A little dire straits. We were in dire straits.

SPEAKER_02

He worked, he worked two jobs, you know, whatever he needed to do, he did what he needed to do. Even when we had our first baby and we were trying to purchase a home, our first home in Milwaukee. Same thing. Worked two jobs, worked a night shift at St. Mary's Hospital, and then you know, did it had another job in the day or UPS. It was UPS. So it was like whatever he needed to do to ensure that he was taking care of his family. That to me was servant leadership. And he took on that responsibility and like it wasn't like Raj, you need to get out there and do something. You know, thank God, you know, I ain't trying to do all, you know. And I wasn't one of those, I wasn't, I wasn't one who kind of demanded that we have this certain type of life. For me, it was always just let's make sure we have a roof over our heads, you know, and and and we have some food and you know, everything else is gravy for as far as I was concerned. But I just thank God that there was no pressure for me to get out there and try to lead as well. And I want to interject here because we were talking, you're talking about leadership, but then there's also submission. And I know, you know, those vows come and you know, it's like obey, I will obey. You know, I think they took that out of the vows.

SPEAKER_00

Well, it depends on what church you go to. That's true.

SPEAKER_02

That's true. That is so true. I didn't think about that. But now it's, I think the majority of it for the Christian marriage is cherished. One thing I want to say about submission is submission is not slavery, it's not subordination, it's not oppression. Submission is just getting under the mission of whatever God has for the husband. And here's the kicker, too. Submission goes both ways. He also submits, he gets under my mission, and together we submit as as necessary, but ultimately the submission is submitting to God, not so much to each other, but when we submit to God, we automatically submit to each other because there is purpose that God has for him and purpose that God has for me. And together, when we submit to each other, we're able to carry out the purpose that God has.

SPEAKER_00

You know, um she was talking, well, there's a scripture we'll talk about submission in in a moment, but scripturally, what you also find is the husband is the head of the house, just as Christ is the head of the church. So Christ's church, uh Christ's relationship with the church represents a marriage with him being the head of that marriage, and it's similar with a marriage.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And then lastly, as the leader, I wash her with the water of the word. What does washing her with the water of the word? What does that really mean? It means sometimes she needs to hear the word. Yeah. Sometimes she may be feeling a certain way, and there is a particular scripture that will encourage her, that will inspire her, exactly, that will cause her to be restored. Sometimes she may not even realize who she really is. And sometimes it takes that word to cause her to see herself in a way that she didn't see herself before, but it's truth. It's how God sees her and it's how I see her. That's washing her with the word. It's it's declaring what God's word says about her life. So she may be in a depressed state, you know, but God says you're more than a conqueror. God, you're more than a conqueror, you're an overcomer.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

And, you know, life has a way of knocking us down. And, you know, oftentimes women catch the brunt of a lot of stuff. But it is so nice that God has called husbands to be a leader, to speak into their wives' lives, to encourage, um, and to just bring about the best she can potentially be. As a leader, another thing is that doesn't give you authority to abuse anyone.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So abuse in any form, whether it's physical, whether it's verbal, whether it's mental, any type of abuse isn't being the head of the household. That's not servant leadership. And that's not what God has has called us to as men to lead our homes. As Roz mentioned, there's a scripture that talks about submitting to one another in the fear of God.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

So, you know, you may be saying, Well, you said a moment ago you're the leader and you're supposed to be submitted. Well, the Bible says that we're both supposed to be submitted to one another in the fear of God, not in the fear of each other. So my wife shouldn't be walking around on eggshells because she's afraid of me yelling or she's afraid of me raising my hand to her. Absolutely not. She should be able to walk around the home in peace, knowing that I love her and I, you know, I love her and I'm concerned about her health and well-being.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely. We know

Marriage Challenge #4- A Broken Covenant

SPEAKER_02

this is real talk. So if you're experiencing any form of abuse, or you know someone who's experiencing abuse, if you look in our description, we have a hotline or link that you can go to for additional help and information. Sometimes marriages can be broken, the covenant can be broken. And in those moments, we've got to consider our safety, our well-being. And if we have children and anything, animals, pets, we've got to consider safety. And that goes on both ends because some women can be abusive as well to their husbands. So if you're not feeling safe, we want to make sure that you seek help immediately. Uh, don't stay in a situation, kind of, you know, run for your life.

SPEAKER_01

For real.

SPEAKER_02

Um, you know, because that that's that's real, and we recognize that, you know, not all marriages are are perfect. And, you know, that's why we talk about the different challenges. I was talking about broken covenant, and and whenever a marriage covenant is broken, technically, you know, we we talk about getting divorced, and that's just for us, that's not an option. Uh, but there are those times where, you know, there was infidelity in the marriage or there was abandonment in the marriage. We know that those things happen, unfortunately. And you have a right if if your spouse broke the covenant, you don't have to remain in the marriage because they didn't um uphold their end of the bargain. Other times, though, even with infidelity, there can be forgiveness. You know, if both parties agree, hey, I love you, I still want to love you, I still want to serve you, I want to work through this. If both parties agree to get help and to continue on, then by all means do that. Um, and and with getting the help that you need, the the relationship can be restored and healing can start taking place. It takes a little while, it's not something that you can do overnight, it's a process and it's gonna be a different process and time period for each relationship. Every relationship is unique. So if you're facing a broken covenant, uh, but yet you feel like, hey, he still loves me, I still love him, I'm still committed to loving and serving and supporting, then talk it through.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

If not, if one of you is like, I'm not there, I I I want to stop loving, I want to, I'm, I'm done, I I need to move on, then you have to let that person go. And I and I I know that's hard. I mean, for us, you know, this was just during our our dating and courting time. Uh, well, not really the courting part, but this was during our dating time where it was like abandonment. And I slightly understand what that can feel like, at least on my end. And maybe you feel the same, you could kind of relate to it a little bit. But as far as in a marriage, I really don't know what that's like. Right. Um, but I do know from from friends and family members, I know that that can be very difficult and it it takes time, it takes time to heal.

Don’t Give Up On Loving Again After Breakup or Divorce

SPEAKER_02

I just pray this if you have experienced a divorce or separation or whatever's going on, don't give up on love. I just pray that you don't give up on love. Marriage is a good thing, and if you want to be married, if that is if that is a desire that God has given you in your heart, I say just hang on, keep praying, keep trusting, and God will restore, he will bring to pass whatever he needs, he will orchestrate your life and work all things together for good.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

But don't allow you know a breakup or a divorce or anything to stop you from knowing that you still have love to give. If you still have love to give, you can give it because somebody out there also still has love to give.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. All right, well said, very well said.

SPEAKER_02

All right, kind of went there, but I needed to. Hey, all right, let's move on.

SPEAKER_00

This is your podcast.

SPEAKER_02

I'm just let's read

Biblical Truths— 1 Peter Chapter 3, Verses 1 and 7

SPEAKER_02

that, let's read that word. What's your thing? We ready for the word?

SPEAKER_00

Yes. So you want me to read first, or you read first?

SPEAKER_02

Actually, I'm gonna read first.

SPEAKER_00

All right, I like that.

SPEAKER_02

So we're coming from first Peter 3, uh, verse 1, and then he's gonna read verse 7. It says, Wives, likewise, submit to your own husbands. There's that word, submit again. Submit to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the con the conduct of their wives. So basically, what that's saying is if he's not in the word, if he's not being obedient to the word, if I just submit to God and if I continue to love and serve the way I'm supposed to, and he's being a little rough around the edges, I'm I'm okay. God will deal with him because sometimes sometimes it's about my conduct and the way I carry myself in the home and the way I love that will win him over.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

If Jesus be lifted up, he'll draw all men and all husbands.

SPEAKER_00

That is too funny. So, okay, so I'm gonna read 1 Peter 3 and 7. Now you remember in in one, it said, wives submit to your husbands. Yes. Here, when I read this to you, if your husband does this, it makes submitting easy. Yes. So that's why I said earlier, you know, we've we submit to one another, and we submit to one another when we focus in on carrying out what we've been called to do.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

So you've been called to submit, but listen to this. The same goes for you, husbands. Be good husbands to your wives, honor them, delight in them. So let me pause there for a second.

SPEAKER_02

Be satisfied.

SPEAKER_01

So okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00

So let me ask you this. If I'm focusing on being good to you, if I'm focusing on honoring you, and I'm focusing on delighting in you, do you feel like that would make it easier for you to submit?

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. So it goes on to say, as women, they lack some of your advantages, but in the new life of God's grace, you're equals. Treat your wives then as equals so your prayers don't run aground, or in other words, so your prayers don't get hindered.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So if you're praying, believing God for things and not just things, but really believing God for just your life and your family's life, you better treat her right. Because if you don't, those prayers won't be heard.

SPEAKER_01

Cricket, cricket, cricket.

SPEAKER_02

Who wants their prayers hindered? I mean, really, nobody.

SPEAKER_00

Nobody.

SPEAKER_02

How do we

Overcoming & Winning in Marriage

SPEAKER_02

overcome?

SPEAKER_00

How do we overcome?

SPEAKER_02

We gotta overcome these challenges in marriage.

SPEAKER_00

So we got some challenges in our marriages, right? So, how do we overcome? So, the first thing is simply this commit to the covenant.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And we have to make up within our minds that we are committed to seeing it through no matter what. And you also have to be mindful of what it is. So if you think about covenant from the agape love perspective, God's promise or God's covenant came at a cost. Yes. The cost was the blood of his son, Jesus Christ. So me fulfilling my covenant is going to come at a cost. There are some things that I'm just going to have to sacrifice in order for my marriage to be strong and for my marriage to be healthy. And so the question I always ask, guys, are you willing to die? If you're not willing to die, then marriage is not for you. Because guess what? There are going to be some days that you're going to die hard. You're going to die hard, right? Okay. So the other thing, it's it's more than just a promise to stay together. It's more than that. It is really a lifelong commitment.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And like we talked about with divorce, divorce is not the default option. Yeah. It shouldn't, you know, it shouldn't be like a hiccup. You know, you just ate something. Ate something bad. Ate something bad. You had a hiccup and that meant divorce. No, that is not the default option. The default option is come on, let's pray about this. Let's work through this and let's make this thing successful. Yeah. All right. Yeah. And here's the last thing that I want to say. You know what? Expect challenges. Yeah, because they're going to come, man. Don't don't be surprised. I mean, marriage is called work for a reason. Yes. Absolutely. Okay, when you go to your job, they they hire you to solve problems. Well, your marriage, when you get into that job, guess what? You're going to be solving problems.

SPEAKER_01

So just together.

SPEAKER_00

Exactly together. Be prepared to do the work. And then this is another thing. Face them together, meaning face the problems together without blame. It is so easy to pass the blame. This is your fault, or this is my fault, or he did this, or she didn't do that. It's easy to blame each other, but it's so much more effective when we come together to go at that problem collectively and not waste time and energy trying to blame, trying to blame one another. It's a waste of time, it's a waste of energy, it's a waste of resources.

SPEAKER_02

Love keeps no record of wrongs.

SPEAKER_00

It does not.

SPEAKER_02

Real love does it. It does not. It forgives and it moves on.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. You know, bottom line is this, you know, no, no marriage is perfect. I know you see. On camera, oh lovey dovey. But here's the deal: no, no marriage is perfect because people aren't perfect. That's right. It's just the bottom line. People aren't perfect. People make mistakes. Yeah. But the commitment is to submit and serve and submit to one another in the fear of God and serve well in your particular submission role.

Power Takeaways for Your Marriage

SPEAKER_02

So let's talk about them power takeaways. So I will say this the number one power takeaway from this marriage episode is know this. When it comes to them cuss words, there's power in submitting to each other, and there's peace in godly leadership. Allowing him or Uh letting him be him. The husband is the head of the house, the head of the wife. Like Christ is a head of the church. When we allow our husbands to lead and we encourage them to lead, because sometimes men don't know how to lead. You know, if you if you grew up without a father, which a lot of you know, a lot of people these days grow up without their father, without a father figure in the home, you know, it has an impact on how men lead when they enter into that marriage covenant. But the great part is God has a blueprint plan.

SPEAKER_00

He's got a design.

SPEAKER_02

He's got a design for it. And if we seek that word, let him be the leader that he is called to be. There's great peace. There's peace in that house. There's peace in your heart. There's peace in your relationship. And you can enjoy, genuinely enjoy one another.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02

You know, it wasn't always like this for us. We've had our challenges, we've had our our periods where we, you know, we went through some stuff. We we've done some things. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

We've done lived some life.

SPEAKER_02

We've had our share of struggles and ups and downs. However, thank God, yeah, you know, we learn how to stick it out. And that that to me is important. Commit to that covenant and and conduct your married lives according to God's ordinance. Remember, you are one flesh. Every marriage needs its own submission game plan for the household and for the family. What we mean by that is there are certain areas where he shines. Yep. So if something is broke around the house, everybody, everybody calls dad or everybody calls dad or what have you. Hey, this broke, this needs to be fixed. Something ain't something technical with digital, you know, digital technology. He's the tech guy of the house. When it comes to food and medicine, I'm the I'm I shine there. There you go. So he gets under my Rise M D.

SPEAKER_00

Rise M D. Rise M D, you know.

SPEAKER_02

So yeah, there are certain areas, you know, some some women are can, you know, do do the household, you know, like cutting the grass and fixing the car, whatever the case may be. Everybody has their own abilities and capabilities. And so every marriage is going to be unique in how you submit to each other.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

It's it's it's it's uniquely for you. It doesn't have to be, you know, this there's no such thing as these are all the things that the women are supposed to do, these are all the things that the men are supposed to do in the marriage. No, that's that's a myth. Um, but but what's true is submitting to one another, and he is the leader. So those are the things that that are true about a marriage, and that is the same for it, should be the same for every marriage. And I'm gonna leave this last little thing. I remember when um there was a time, there have been times in our marriage where I tried to take on the leadership role. Woo! That was that was a hot mess, let me tell you. That was a hot mess. And and the reason why I did it, I'm gonna tell you the truth, there were times where I would do things because he wasn't moving fast enough for me, or I felt like I could do it better. In both scenarios, I was trying to step into his lane, and I needed to stay in my lane. And by doing that, you know, there was oncoming traffic. And um, it was it did not end well. So I'm learning. I'm still, I'm gonna tell y'all right now, I'm gonna be truthful. I'm still learning because there are those times where I just wanna, I just want to get it done. You know, I just want to do it. And something always happens, you know.

SPEAKER_00

What do you want to do?

SPEAKER_02

Anyway, you know, going out to the garage and grabbing them bins because you ain't you ain't moving fast enough, or you know, I'm trying to fix something or trying to do something, you know, and I have no idea what I'm doing. Um put something up or whatever.

SPEAKER_00

Here's the deal. And probably a lot of guys you can identify with this. I get focused. Yeah, and I mean I get hyper focused. Now she may say, Jason, I need you to go to the garage and I need you to get that bin because I need to put up decorations. And I'm like, yes, I'm going to get the bin. And I may not get the bin right there, and I may return to my hyper focused sensitivities. So, in situations like that, this is free counsel. Yeah, right. In situations like that, what I would strongly recommend is saying, I need you to get the bin now. Yeah. And if the answer, if it's not a I need the bin right now, then that's okay. I need you to get the bin at three. I'm going to set my alarm at three, and then I'm going to come get you at three o'clock to go and get that bin.

SPEAKER_02

There you go. Or the other thing would be nice to say, you know what? I can't do it right now, Roz. So I'll tell you what, I will get it. Sent like you always say, send me a reminder text. And so, in doing that, that's a great way to to get to get the accomplishment. It's a win-win situation.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, if you don't send me a text, it's not getting done.

SPEAKER_02

All right. So any of the power takeaways we got?

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Get regular checkups and tune-ups for your marriage relationship.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Regular checkups and tune-ups.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Three C's. Okay. The first one is conversations. Specifically conversations with one another. So, hey, bate, how's our, you know, how are things coming along with our marriage? Are you good? Am I good? Then the second thing is those that you have close, intimate relationships with. So, like for me, there are about three guys that I talk to. It's like, hey, man, I may be struggling with this or this is going on in my mind. Help me, you know, help me work through some of these things. And same thing with you, some, you know, uh, some of your girlfriends that you hang out with. So the first thing is have conversations with each other and confidants. The second thing is go to conferences. Yep. I mean, you know, conferences have really helped our marriage. Oh my goodness. It's like, you know, we think we're at this level, and it's like, oh my goodness, there's a there's a whole nother level for our marriage. There's levels to this. Exactly. We grow not only in love, but we grow in our marriages. From glory to glory. Exactly. So attending conferences are a great way to get a good solid uh tune-up and and checkup.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Right? And then lastly, counseling. So sometimes your situation may be a little bit further down the road where uh a marriage conference isn't cutting it and talking to each other is not working. Counseling is a great thing. So make the commitment to do it together. Yes. Because you have to work out those issues together. Absolutely. So those are some of my takeaways.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. I like that.

SPEAKER_00

You like it? I love it. Awesome. Like it, love it. Need more of it. All

Live Out Your Love Letter Challenge

SPEAKER_00

right. So here's the deal. We want you to live out your love letter this week. Okay. Yes. So this is what I want you to do. Here's the challenge. Set aside some time for a tune-up or checkup.

SPEAKER_02

I like that.

SPEAKER_00

Set up some time for a tune-up or checkup. Just check in with your wife, check in with your homie, see what's going on. All right. Because we want your marriage healthy.

SPEAKER_02

And amen. I like that.

SPEAKER_00

You like that? I like it too. That's why I said it. All right. So as we come to a close again, we want to say thank you for uh watching. We always want you to like, share, and subscribe. You have no idea how important this is. We want to continue to produce great content for you. Yes. We want to hear your comments. And before we close, we always like to have prayer. Well, Father, we thank you for these marriages. We thank you that marriages are strong. They're being strengthened. They're getting clarity, greater understanding of who their marriage represents and who they are in the marriage. I thank you that they're taking on their roles with great joy and great expectation for what you're going to do in their lives. It's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

SPEAKER_02

Amen.

SPEAKER_00

So again, we want to thank you for joining us on another episode of Love Letters with Jason and Raz. Awesome. We'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_02

Bye now.

unknown

Bye bye.