Protecting Purpose: Overcoming Isolation, Insecurity, and Inconsistency

Chris Hart kept noticing the same three problems in every pastor he met with. Then in every CEO. Then in everybody. Isolation, insecurity, and inconsistency: three attacks on your purpose that don't have to knock you out to win. They just have to slow you down.

Joey Odom and Chris spend this episode naming each one and handing you its antidote. Isolation gets solved by a team, and the test is simple: who notices when you're somewhere or when you're not? Insecurity is a symptom of misplaced identity, so the fix is anchoring who you are in something no scoreboard, title, or bad day can touch. Chris tells the story of his five-year-old son Brave stepping in front of his sisters, taking a punch in the nose, and explaining afterward, "Because I'm the one." He didn't have time to think. He acted out of who he already knew he was.

Then the third eye, the one underneath the other two: inconsistency. If you're isolated, you've been inconsistent in your pursuit of friendship. If you're insecure, you've been inconsistent in your pursuit of God. Success doesn't come from what you do occasionally. It comes from what you do consistently.

In this episode:

— One question that opens doors everywhere: "Is there anything I can pray for you about?"
 — The three I's: isolation, insecurity, inconsistency, and why they aim at your purpose
 — The team test: who notices when you're there and when you're not?
 — How to be a multiplier: notice what people are good at and tell them
 — A self-diagnosis for isolation: do you see or talk to three of the same friends weekly?
 — Why a close friend you see weekly is worth the happiness of a $150,000 raise
 — Insecurity as misplaced identity, and why it can look like the most confident person in the room
 — "Because I'm the one": how repeated identity becomes instinct under pressure
 — Winners win: what the phrase means when the scoreboard doesn't go your way
 — Why consistency is the cornerstone, and how non-negotiables stop being negotiable

This week's small step: Write three sentences. One action this week to build your team (start by noticing and naming what someone's good at). One statement of your identity in Christ. And your three non-negotiables, the things you will do consistently, no negotiation. Then hand that list to someone on your team and invite them to ask you about it.

Be Brave. Live Big.

—

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FOLLOW THE HOSTS

Joey Odom — @joeyodom.life; www.joeyodom.life

Chris Hart — @thechrishart · @thebravecoaches; www.bravecoaches.com

REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE
 Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (two are better than one). 2 Corinthians 5:17 (a new creation). Jeremiah 17:7-8 (a tree planted by the water). 1 Corinthians 15:58 (be steadfast, immovable). Research on friendship and happiness. The PRAY acronym (praise, repent, ask, yield).

Produced by Sonus Podcasts · sonuspodcasts.com

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to Brave and Big, where we talk about living a Brave and Big Life. I'm Joey Odom, husband to Kristen, dad to Harrison Indiana, speaker, former tech co-founder, and author.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

I'm Chris Hart, husband to Molly, dad to Blakely, Cooper, Landry, and my son Brave. I'm the CEO and founder of the Brave Group and Brave Performance Agent. Joey and I have been having these talks for 25 years, and we're better for it. We believe the same will be true for you. Enjoy this episode. Be brave and live big.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Gang, welcome back. Brave and big heart attack. Can I can I be a little real with you, son? Man, you want to get real right now? Come on, too. Let's get real. I miss you, bro. I haven't listened we haven't been in person in several months, and I just miss you. I I wanna let's hang out soon. Can we do that? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Is that okay? Um yes. Let me run that by the people that I run that stuff by, and then let's let's get it, which is me and the Holy Spirit. So the answer is yes. Let's get that going.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Come on. Just had a quick chat with him. Uh, I did feel like I got a little taste of you at lunch. Uh just a little, a little glimpse. I went out to lunch with a friend of mine. His name is Zach Stevens. He's a pastor at a church called Faith Promise in Knoxville. And it was like, he's got that same, that same juice. And we were, man, this was just a great moment. You do this so well. Zach does it so well. Waiter comes up, we're talking with him, and Zach, he we were about to he intentionally we got our food and he waited until the waiter came back because he said, Hey, put his hand on the shoulder and say, Hey man, is there anything I can pray for you about? And it's just that it was that simple question, is there anything I can pray for you about? The guy immediately his his eyes flooded with tears, and he goes, You man, he goes, You really caught me on, caught me on it. But he said a bad day. You caught me on a bad day for this. He starts crying, he's talking about dealing with substance abuse. It's just one of those hard days. And Zach, who pastors, it's it's a pretty sizable church, gives him a cell phone number, says, You're coming with me to my next men's small group. Hey, by the way, you just need to know something. God sees you, He's not forgotten where you are, He sees you. Come on. And bro, both of us, I mean, it we're fist bumping because it's just one of these moments that all started with the same question that's available to all of us, which was very simple. Hey, is there anything I can pray for you about? So it was a it was it reminded me so much of you. It was an encouragement to me. I hope it's an encouragement to other people. That very small basic question, is there anything I can pray for you about? Now, probably a good idea to tip well at the end of the meal, right? If you're gonna ask that question, but man, it was great. I mean, highlight of my week so far.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

I'll add one to that. I was on a coaching call two weeks ago, and a guy got pulled over while I was on the call. And he goes, Stay on the call, let's just see what happens. And the guy got him for like a little bit of speeding or something like that. And he just goes, Hey, my bad. I'll I'll pay whatever I need to pay. My apologies, officer. Can I ask you something? I've got my coach on the line. Can we pray for you for anything? And the guy got emotional and we prayed with him.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

But he still gave him a thousand dollars. I'm just kidding. He got out of the ticket and it was amazing. But I'm I'm echoing what you're saying, man. People need to be asked that question.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Waiters and police officers and and people that help you, and your kids' teachers, and your pastor. I mean, let's ask that question. How can I pray? And I mean, mean it and do it, and all of a sudden we're having impact, and that's the goal.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

It's such a simple question. It's available. I think I think we get it's like we get too hung up, we overcomplicate. I'm gonna use the word evangelism. We open, we overcomplicate sharing our faith. Man, people just want to be seen as people. You know what Jesus did? Jesus saw them and then he told them what to do next. Saw them, healed them, told them what to do next. And I think we can we can all do that. It's not it's not anything that's offensive. And I I asked Zach, Zach told me he goes, I've not had a single person get mad. I've only had a couple people say no. Most people are gonna give you an answer because they feel, and he's very genuine about it. You're very genuine about it. But gosh, what it what a challenge and an encouragement that yeah, you can do that about 30 times a day, probably.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

100%.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Let's look for opportunity.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Yeah. Yeah. And take advantage of it when it presents itself. That's the life we get to live.

SPEAKER_00 4:25

It was exciting, man. Well, I uh the we're gonna talk about something today. You talk about this, you do a bunch of speaking, you go to speak. I think you you've done this in men's groups, you don't, you've done this in marriage settings, you've done this talk in in church services, and I'm gonna I'm gonna give it my own name. I'm gonna call it the three-eyed monster, but you probably have a better name. The I, just the letter I. It's it's three eyes. It's things that um, I guess, and I want you to unpack it more, but I guess attack our purpose, three specific ways of detect purpose. And man, I just want to sit here as a as a uh you know, as a listener in some ways and just hear you unpack this, discuss this, because I think, man, we can get specific about the three things we're gonna talk about, and then give those antidotes. I think we can start walking all of us in a little bit more purpose. Um, so man, will you will you roll out this concept, this idea, and then walk us through it?

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Absolutely. This was originally like the attack on men, and and specifically it started because I was meeting with all these pastors and they're getting after, and I was like, man, this is what these three things all of you are dealing with consistently. And then I started thinking about it, and I'm like, oh, and so are every CEO that I've worked with, and so are ladies, and you know what I'm saying? So it's just interesting how it really became very obvious. And and and everybody listening is gonna hear these three and be like, Well, yeah, no, no crap art, like we we got to deal with that, right? But it's interesting because I'll say I'm gonna call them three problems, and then I think what you and I should do today is is unpack some solutions. Yeah, right. And if we'll look at it like that, then we can get way out in front of it. But the first problem is isolation, the second problem is insecurity, and the third problem is inconsistency. And so I appreciate your creativity. This this three-eyed monster is what we've got to get after today. But the the real, if you think about these three things, if these are active, it really will affect, deter, slow down your purpose. And this if you're listening to this, hopefully there's an excitement in you to do something great. That's what you and I love to do, it's what we want to be about. I don't want to miss a day. I want to steward every single day, get the most out of it to live this fulfilled life. And then that's that's what we're giving to, that's our gift to everybody around us. Yeah, and so I want to be aware of what wants to contradict that. And so let's just dive into it. If the first problem is isolation, then the solution is a brotherhood, the solution is is people that you trust. And we've touched on this covenant relationship idea, yeah. But I want to reiterate in the wild is such a great example. Isolated animals, animals that get outside the pack get picked off, and it's the same for us.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

And so we start to get to ask that question and really say, Man, who is your team? Who is your tribe? And if you're hearing that and you're like, Well, I'm gonna turn it off, I don't have one. I I want you to like feel the pain of that. I want I want you to have to embrace the awkwardness of saying you don't have a team, and then, but trust me, let's do something about it. Because I also want you to know there's a whole lot of other people feeling the same way. And if you're listening, it might be your initiative, it might be your intentionality to create a team and it's gonna meet someone else's need as well. Ecclesiastes 4-9, and then jump in here. Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either falls, one helps the other one up. Pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. There will be moments, there will be situations, there will be hard times, there will be opposition. Let's let's realize that and recognize the devil would love to get you isolated so that when you fall or when something's hard, or when you feel like quitting, you don't have around you what's needed to take the next step. So obviously that would be a stifle to your purpose. How's that hit you out of the game, Joey?

SPEAKER_00 8:39

You said something at the very beginning that I really liked, which was we you said this could slow down our progress, which that's almost as motivating to me as completely neutralizing my progress. It's just like if anybody listens to this, I mean, with it's brave and big. You you want to live big, you know, be brave and live big. So we want to live lives of purpose. So the people who are probably listening to this, you're probably a 99%, 99% are to begin with, the top 99%, top 1%, excuse me. So it for me when I hear that, well, I don't want to be slowed down. Like I don't even want to be slowed down at all. So this is almost like in the fine-tuning here of how do we make sure we're really locked in on purpose. So that's one note for me that was really interesting is I don't even want to be slowed down, much less neutralized. Um when you think about you said like brotherhood, we're obviously talking sisterhood, we're talking like you're talking all of it. Like who are the people you are doing life with? A really practical question. When you say team, will you will you maybe define that for someone listening? Like, oh, I need a team. Will you define what that can look like, what it maybe looks like for you, maybe what it looks like for Molly. Uh, will you will you get a little specific on what team looks like when you think about that for somebody?

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Here's the opening statement when you talk about team is who notices when you are somewhere or are not?

SPEAKER_02 10:04

That's so good.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

If I don't go to the gym, I need a team that knows I didn't make it. If I'm not at church for a couple weeks, man, who notices that I wasn't there? And I'm telling I've I have felt that before. We're very involved, but I just thought, man, I don't know, man. Is anybody gonna notice if we're not there? You know what I mean? Like, and I think that's the devil just messing with you, lying to you. And and the problem, I'm like, listen, church isn't perfect, the gym's not perfect, but man, if we have the right people around us, they know. And and I want to make this point your purpose is larger than what you can accomplish on your own. I just want to tell you that, and I want to affirm that. And part of this is probably you evaluate and say, okay, let's make sure am I on track? Am I in alignment? Am I clear on my purpose? Okay, great. Then I need to protect myself from isolation.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

And I think the example here is this is exactly what Jesus did. He's done all the training that he's done. It's been 30 years of investing. And when it was time to go, he built his team and grab some guys that would compliment each other. And I want to encourage you to do that. Like, it doesn't mean they were they they were not all the same. That's why they compliment each other. I've got a guy that comes to the gym and he is adamant about the fact that he does not like working out, he does not like basketball, and those are the two things we do. He goes, but what I do like is having good friends and being around guys on purpose. Oh it's great. I am not here for the fruit for the fitness, I am here for the friends. And so I just want to encourage that because I think sometimes like so I say that because he's not this big freak athlete. I don't know the way he he loves talking about AI and like fantasy books. And I'm like, buddy, just do the curls, but I'm glad you're here. You know what I'm saying? And it's great, but I want him in my life. I've learned a lot from him. I'm better for him and with him. It's great, but it's part of the team. Jesus had this tax collector, and he's got a fella that does is fishing, and you got these guys that are salty, and you guys that are loving, and that's the full embodiment of having a team and people around you, people that know you and notice you. That's a team, and that's what we've got to build to prevent isolation.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

Come on, know you and notice you. What a beautiful thing to be noticed, just for someone to notice you. Now, I'm we all like the benefit of being noticed. Will you tell me, maybe for somebody again? I think this, I don't want to, I don't want to over-assume that any of us know how, especially as adults, know how to make adult friends or or to, and we talked about this in the friendship episode before. I don't want to assume too much. So I know what it's like, people around me who multiply me. Zach at lunch today, he multiplied me because he gave me confidence and encouragement to go do what he did. He brings so much energy, excitement, positivity. You do the same. I got a ton of guys in my life who do that for me. How can someone listening think to themselves, I want to be a multiplier for somebody else? What does that look like for you to have intentionality in a friendship to be not just to be there and and and make jokes and stuff like that? That's great. That can be multiplying, but for somebody in purpose, pursuing a friendship to be a multiplier for your team.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

I I I really do think the first thing that all of us should do is notice what people are good at and tell them about it.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

Bad gummet, Chris.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Dude, if we'll start there, Joey. Bad gummet. Right. I mean, but I'm thinking about the people that I really care about and what means the most we had a deal every time it's somebody's birthday, I make people go around and say, What do you like about Carl? Right. And it's great. It it if I go to your party, that's gonna happen. Because I'm just aware of how powerful it is. Well, it happened to me, I don't know, a couple months ago, and people were saying nice things. And uh a female friend from back in the college days, she's best friends with Molly. She said, When I'm making decisions, oftentimes I'll think, What would Chris do here? And I thought, what an unbelievable compliment. You know, and it so it was interesting, but she was speaking to she goes, Man, I think that you're a person of wisdom and I've seen you make good decisions. And I'm like, Oh my gosh. Man, I'm man, I think I'm walking in some wisdom. I make good decisions, like it reaffirmed and confirmed things. So I really believe like to have those kind of friends in your life, I was start there. I tell my kids to do that. If you're with someone in class and they are doing great in math, tell them they're good at math. If they are kicking the heck out of the ball in kickball at recess, let them know. Like be a noticer of what people are good at, and then that's going to happen back to you. And we all know it's the best feeling in the world, but it's also pulling out of us our strengths and abilities, and that's all I want to do for other people as well. But that's how we go about building a team. We realize what other people are good at, and then we can utilize it all together and all move forward.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Another thing that it does, a side benefit of that, is that it that is a natural fight against pride in yourself.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Yes. Think about it. It's not about me, let me compliment you.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Yeah. That's right. Not not so that you'll do it, not so you'll give me a compliment back or whatever it is. You by the way, you said it just a second ago. There, that is that kind of mirror theory to life that you receive back what you put out in life. And so you that's naturally going to happen for you to begin with. But man, it's just it's just recognizing the strength in somebody else. It fights on your pride, because then especially too, because it forces you to verbalize something, which can which is an act of vulnerability. And what you pretty soon find is that when you act in vulnerability, then actually the world opens up to you versus what you think might happen is vulnerability, you're gonna get, you're gonna get hurt. You actually it begins to flourish, it begins to open up the world for you. So, man, I that's just worth saying again is to be a multiplier. Will you hit my just hit me one more time because it's so good? I want everybody to hear it again.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

I want you to notice what is good about people and let them know. What are they good at? What do they do? And here's what comes from that. I really believe this confidence flows from there. What's gonna ultimately happen is accountability is gonna flow from there. If I can, if I can trust you to be humble enough to tell me what I'm good at, then I'm also gonna trust you to call it out. And then what comes from that is gonna be wisdom. Right, man, call it. I I want you to speak it, man. Help me. I I don't want to be isolated. Otherwise, I'm just trying to find my own blind spots and we're looking over our shoulder, kind of running around in circles, not moving and advancing. And so I think maybe the go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

No, no, well, it it's this whole this whole time as I was preparing for this episode and thinking about it. I wasn't a man, I was imagining someone with no friends. This applies just as equally to someone with a hundred friends who's not operating really in the power and the multiplying power of friendship. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

A lot of people around, but what are you calling out of them right now? And so this it begs the question, because I want to get to our our next two eyes. But I would ask everybody, I mean, what would be driving you to isolation? Or even to your point, Joey, you have people around you, but there's not the connection that maybe you used to have or you wish you had. And so that that's what I want to challenge because sometimes it's interesting. Man, are you worried that you won't meet someone else's expectation? Is that keeping you like pulled back? If you and I, if there was a problem, like Joey is a big personality. If I was resisting being around you because maybe I can't operate how you operate socially, man, what a miss for me because I'm not getting to experience you. Right. And so I want to challenge that. The other side of it is I do believe sometimes we just get lazy in our pursuit of other people.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

And I hear this a lot, and you can speak to this, but a lot of people, especially leaders, will say, Well, man, I feel like I'm the one that's always initiating. Molly told me that one time. She goes, Most of my girlfriends, I am initiating the lunch. I'm every now and then people are seeking her out, and that's great too. And and I could feel the same way.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

But I want to challenge that and say, that's actually a good thing. That means you're a leader, and people need that from you, expect that from you. And let's quit blaming other people for anything that you lack and just recognize the role that you can and should play and take the initiative and pursue the friendships we're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

That's fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

I I want to I want to help people self-diagnose for a second. It's I think it's it's a little hard to recognize if you're isolated. Someone maybe listen to that, and you may, you may be in the two camps of isolation, no one around or a lot of people around, but you're not you're not experiencing that multiplying effect. I think that second one is probably the level up. So I want to I want to start on just a self-diagnosis, a question for somebody to ask themselves. And it's really basic, and it's just a self-assessment. And the question I believe to ask yourself and to to find out, am I isolated? Because it can be hard to detect, is is simply do you see or talk to three of the same friends weekly? That's it. Do you see or talk to three of the same friends weekly? And same is important. So I have people that I talk to who live out of state. You and I talk every week outside of the podcast. So you're you're on my list. I got other guys I talk to out of state. I see some guys, but I think that I think three of the same is important because that's to your point, it's like where you notice. If people go back and listen to the Covenant Friendship episode, you talk about one, three, twelve. I think three is the right number for this exercise to really determine do I have those people who are actually really noticing me? Reflect on that question a little bit. Do you think that will help give an accurate self-diagnosis?

SPEAKER_01 20:07

We're gonna get to consistency as our third eye, but what you just said is it creates consistency in the friendship, which prevents isolation.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

Man, that's so there, there's something, you know, and and it's easy to well. I text my cousin who lives in Alaska, and then I hollered at my friend in South Carolina, which is great, if you're doing it consistent, and they have a beat on where you're at and could tell if you're good or not.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

And that's where I probably think it I actually want the talk. I I want to uh I don't know that I'm gonna lump texting within talking here. I think it's actually voice to voice. It it could be FaceTime, it could be phone time, it could be in person, but I think actually, and not even voice memos. I think like, and those things are okay, but I I think locking in voice to voice, eye to eye.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

Um I'll jump, I'll jump on a call with a guy, and in the first 30 seconds, I can say, hey, what's up? Or boy, your vibe is great today. What's up? So listen, I I know you can put on a front. I'm asking you not to, but for the most part, you can tell if someone's good or not. And then we've got to do our part of noticing and and either, man, add to the hype or lift them back up. We're not gonna let them stay where they are.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

I'll give you one stat that blows me away. That this is a study was done, and it's on this is on the value of friendship. And it said having a close friend that you see weekly is the happiness equivalent to getting one a $150,000 raise annually.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

That's fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

How about that? $150, that that's the value of friendship. So if you have any question about the value of friendship, you're gonna get a happiness boost equal to $150,000 a year by talking to a good friend on a weekly basis. So if you if you need a compelling why, there it is for you. I think we all know it. But also know this is going to be something that's going to benefit you as well, your happiness, the way you view the world, which it begin continues to compound.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

Make money, have good friends. They they go hand in hand. That's it. You want to dive into number two?

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Do it.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

The number two problem to solve, if there was going to be something that is coming against your purpose, it's going to be insecurity. And the reality is, if that's the problem, then I'll say this insecurity is a result of misplaced identity. And so if the problem is insecurity, the solution is going to be identity. And what we want you to grab today is knowing who you are and know the battle that you're supposed to be fighting. Right? There's there's something too just knowing yourself, knowing your calling, knowing your gifting, knowing what you bring, knowing what drains you. But what I would also say, man, you guys that are Christians, you grab this. And if you're not, pay attention to this part. But I really believe that your identity has to start with, and then honestly, be in Christ alone.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

Our identity is in God. And if we'll start there, if that's if that's the origin story of all of this and everything about you flows from there, it really is amazing. It's not just kind of adding that to your business card or even putting it on your website. It's like, this is how I live, this is who I am. It starts there, the author and the finisher of our faith, right? And so 2 Corinthians 5.17 says, if anyone's in Christ, he's a new creation. So as soon as I like really gave my life to God, that became, that was the beginning of my identity. And the cool thing is now there's other things that I do, or I am a dad, I am the husband, we own businesses, that's great. But my identity is in Christ, and everything gets to flow and filter from there. And so the reality is now any insecurity actually doesn't make sense if I keep myself covered in Christ. Because I know who I am. I know the power source that I have unlimited access to. So what situation, what person could deter or deflect my confidence, man? I can be secure because I know who I'm connected to. Yeah. What do you think when we start there, Joey?

SPEAKER_00 24:30

I'm gonna go real basic again. And maybe for somebody who's listening who we know that term identity in Christ. Can you can you give us a little bit of an unpacking on that? Even we know that term so well, but what does that actually mean? Very practically for someone who says, okay, what does that actually mean for my identity to be identity to be in Christ?

SPEAKER_01 24:50

Okay, I'll I'll start on the back end of it. Most high performers live from a self-constructed identity. Okay. So that'd be the opposite of an identity in Christ, would be okay, this is my title, this is the scoreboard, this is my net worth, this is my reputation. But that all of that can change and can fade. So what we're proposing is my identity is actually in Christ. I have been made new, and now I'm a reflection of him. Period. So God, this infinite creator, this father of love. Now that's that's what I'm associating with, and that's what everything starts and ends with. So then anything else is a great layer to that, but it really is this unshakable, immovable core. And I'm I'm my identity is in him and him alone. And so all the attributes of him get to flow through me. I got to decide to do that every day. But that's what I have access to is this infinite power, infinite authority, infinite confidence, and ability. And that's the the origin of everything that it can flow from. So if the scoreboard changes, if your title changes any of those movable, changeable objects, that's not my identity. You get fired today, and it's like, great, what's the next thing? I'm confident because of who I am in Christ, and we're gonna do something great. Man, you you coach the championship game and lose the championship game. That's not your identity.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

That's that's great. A phrase that I remember the first time I heard it. I don't know that I've I kind of got it. And I think it's one of those that you probably learn this phrase, what it means all throughout your life in different angles. And it's just the best thing about you is that Jesus died for you. I think there are a bunch of interesting angles on it. It doesn't it doesn't make a lot of sense, especially because we identify ourselves a lot of time with accomplishments and things that we've done or innate things about us versus what somebody is something versus what someone has done for us. And so that's a phrase that I kind of ponder here and there, and I just even say as I continue to grasp the depth of what that actually means. And to your point, if you can keep it there, and and Louis Giglio in a great message, he said that the you know, we are role players in the story of Jesus, that it's his story, I'm a role player in it, that helps, and it which which again goes back to the fear of the Lord as a beginning and of beginning of wisdom, that entire concept of wisdom that we'll we'll tackle on on a future episode. That is really good. And I think that um I think back to that anchoring that identity in Christ is figuring out really truly, it's a big open, crazy question. I've been a Christian for you know 40 some years, and it's still one of I want to make sure that I really am anchored to what that actually means.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

Yeah. Well, I'll I'll give you another example. My son Brave got in his first fight two years ago. Okay. And I was actually sitting here doing some stuff. I see some things happening. My if you look out this window here, it's a like a U-shaped driveway, and there's like scooter ramps and kids in the tree, and it it's everything you want in America, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:06

And good, paint the picture. At this point, Brave was how old?

SPEAKER_01 28:09

Brave was five years old. Five years old. He's got three older sisters, a lot of action out there, and I see something going on. I'm not totally sure. I kind of wrap up what I'm doing, and I go out there and I walk outside, and Brave has a bloody nose. But everybody's like cheering, and there's a joy in the air. And I'm like, what happened? His older sister Cooper comes over. She goes, Dad, Brave's got in a fight. This boy, an eight-year-old, pulls up on a scooter, big dog, right? And starts whipping the scooter over his head and says, Which one of you girls am I gonna hit with this scooter? And litter, like comes over, kind of like at the girls. And I got tough girls, they're not totally sweating it. Five-year-old Brave steps in front of his sister and says, He's got a kind of a funny voice, nobody talks to my sister like that, right? And the kid goes, Oh yeah, and drops the scooter and punches Brave in the nose. Escalates quickly, right? Like I think he was thinking, Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be a tough guy and shut this kid down. No, no, catches one of the nostrils, right? And Coop's telling me this story, and Brave's just kind of beaming. And I guess Brave, like, you know, like in a movie, like sees the blood and then just double legs him, grabs this kid, picks him up, and drops him on the ground. And he goes, Nobody talks to me like that, right? You need to go home. And so this kid, three years older, gets up, gets on a scooter, and the place goes crazy, right? So now I'm out there, I look at Brave. I'm like, buddy, did it hurt? And he goes, uh yeah, I got punched in the nose. I'm like, okay. Yeah, and I was like, why'd you do it? And he just looks at me like this and he goes, Because I'm the one. And Joey, I'm telling you, I was like, there's nothing better he could have said in his life. And then he just goes, he goes, I'm part of the heart family, and we protect our family. Dang. Okay. I'm telling you, trust me, I've done plenty of things wrong. He's done a lot wrong. We're falling, but in that moment, it was everything I would hope. And here's my takeaway on identity. In the middle of that moment, right? Mike Tyson's favorite punch, everybody or favorite line, everybody's got a plan to get punched in the mouth. Five-year-old Brave got popped in the mouth. And his response was, Who am I? I'm part of this family. If there's one thing I know, I'm gonna protect these sisters by me. I know who I am. If we know who we are in Christ, we know that God loves us, we know his intent for us, we know those things, then our response to the world can be with confidence. And I think this makes the point. There are times you're still gonna get popped in the mouth every now and then. I've I've been shocked in my life, I've been surprised, I've been let down, I've been disappointed. But you and I talk about this. I'm on like a 30-year run of great days in the midst of every now and then getting punched in the mouth.

SPEAKER_02 31:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

And this will sound funny now, but it's like, oh, why? Because I'm the one, I'm a child of the king, so I know who I am. So no matter what the circumstance, my response can outweigh it because my identity is secure.

SPEAKER_02 31:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

I'll add this and then tell me what you're thinking. The imposter syndrome is real. Yes, and and I I could I've been on some stages before, and I'm like, my my natural flesh thought is there's a lot better people that could be on the stage with the people that I'm with right now. And that could be real, and it would be real if it was just about me.

SPEAKER_02 31:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

But if we'll remove that thought and realize that we are covered by Christ, if my identity is in him, then I can be on any stage in the world and absolutely belong there because it's not just me.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:04

And that's that's my picture and definition of true identity. If Hospital Shenjam now has no place, because that would be an insult to the creator of the universe if he didn't belong on that stage, you do because you're with him. So now walk in confidence and know who you are.

SPEAKER_00 32:24

What's interesting for me about listening to the Brave story is, and by the way, listener, if you don't know, if you haven't put it together, Chris's son's name is Braveheart. So of course he's the one. I mean, is there was there, I mean, from from the womb, of course he's the one. But he in in that moment, I again I wasn't there, but you you picture that happening pretty quickly. Like this was probably from Brave getting punched in the nose from the kid riding off. It's probably like 40 seconds at most. And so Brave didn't have time to consciously think, I'm the one, I gotta do something. He just he acted instinctively out of his identity, which is really cool. And then he had words for it later. And so, which only comes from repetition, repetition, repetition. It's that it's that whole thing, and we talked with with Blaze Berlowitz and Cole Adams at Vanderbilt, um, and they were talking about how important the value of Coach Lee, the coach of Vanderbilt, he repeats, repeats, repeats. He says it, they repeat it back. Coach Lee says it, they repeat it back. What's the mission? Winning. What's the mission? Winning. They say the same things over and over and over again. I've seen you do that, and actually love for you to give a quick taste for the listener of what does it look like when the kids get out of the car, when they go to school in the morning? Because I think this is probably one of these practices. His identity didn't just naturally happen. This has come from years of you saying something and him repeating it until it's so deeply embedded that he that he knows it in the moment and acts out of instinct from his identity versus having to think or second guess himself. So will you will you give everybody a little bit of what that looks like?

SPEAKER_01 33:59

They're getting in Molly's car most of the time. And I say, Hey, heart kids, winners win. And they yell back, losers lose, and I'm a winner. And that's that's how we roll. And I listen, I've had to come back and explain that. My daughter lost a couple tennis matches in a row. And she goes, Well, I'm I'm frustrated because the expectation is winning. And I'm like, it is. And if that's the expectation, the scoreboard will reflect winning more than losing.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:26

However, how you play, how you operate, how you think, how you carry yourself, there are so many winning attributes that make you a winner in addition to the actual scoreboard.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

And so if you're thinking like that, talking like that, living like that, loving like that, man, I am a winner. That's what I do. I'm hooked up with Jesus. So, man, you we we can fight 10 times and I might lose a few, but I will end up winning. That's how we appropriate our life, and that's what gets our focus.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

I I have a question for self-diagnosis here. I don't love it, I will be honest. And so I know we we can we can break it down a little bit, but I've got a crappy self-diagnosing question. I'm just gonna throw it out.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

Throw it out there. Let's see if we can do something with it.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Come on. Well, I I I want people to, and maybe this is not, maybe honestly, maybe this actually is very helpful. Maybe, maybe the answer will be if you can't answer this question, and maybe that that that's why it's structured the way it is. But outside of what you do, outside of your vocation, this could be work, if you're a full-time parent, whatever that is. Maybe you maybe you homeschool your kids. Outside of that, what are three valuable things about you? So if you if you pull away the things you do, what are three valuable things about you? Wait, what do you think? Did you think that question starts getting to that heart of identity that that will begin to combat insecurity?

SPEAKER_01 35:47

Yeah, because it's it's it's about who you are. It's some things that that were probably God given, natural in you. And then it probably starts tapping into some stuff that you have proudly developed. Yep. And so I like it for that reason. It's like, oh, I do, I am loving, I am a good friend, right? I do I do motivate people. You know, I think that's a that's a that's it's part of who you are, not just your title. Yeah. Right. Like I don't, I don't really care about titles. I care about your posture as a leader, right? Like what's it look like to get down and meet someone at their level, you know? And so it's like, man, I do, I pursue God. You know, it's a good thing about me. Man, I speak life over people, right? That's it, it's kind of cool if that's where this is going. And I'll tell you this, I'll I'll throw a verse at you. Jeremiah 17, 7 maybe helps this. Says, Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They'll be like a tree planted by the water, sends out roots by the stream. It doesn't fear when heat comes. Its leaves are always green, it has no worries in a year of drought, and never fails to bear fruit. So when our confidence is in God, we get to ask that kind of a question, Joey. It's like, okay, what is it about me? It's like, man, I'll tell you what, I bear fruit.

unknown 37:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

Man, I'll tell you what, I stay the course. Man, I'll tell you what, I trust God. Like, if if that's kind of our response to that kind of a question, and then you start getting a little more detailed on some of your uh great attributes that you specifically and uniquely bring to the table, man, why would you ever be insecure?

SPEAKER_02 37:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:18

That's never where we're leading from. That's the problem, is when leaders lead from insecurity, they're indecisive and they take people places that they should not go.

SPEAKER_00 37:28

And it's great to define insecurity the way we're framing it as we're not talking about who someone who's necessarily timid or somebody who is um, because you said it's misplaced identity. So it actually could be pride in yourself. This could be the most confident appearing person you have, but insecurity doesn't look like somebody necessarily who's unsure of themselves. It may look like somebody who is so sure of themselves, and it's a misplaced identity.

SPEAKER_01 37:57

Pride creates a fragile foundation for self-worth because it's reliant on external factors. And and maybe if if I could add to what it really looks like to find our identity in Christ, it's it's in him alone, not in external factors. That's good. Right. Because that's the only thing that we we have to be okay with being vulnerable. Pride makes us resistant to vulnerability. So now I can't ever actually get to the reality of something.

SPEAKER_00 38:30

Which is funny how this goes back to the first thing what we talked about being on a team, having your team, celebrating what other people have, like the interchangeability of the three of these things, which brings us into that third one, which is a little bit of a culmination in kind of a reciprocal has a reciprocal uh relationship with those first two.

SPEAKER_01 38:50

The third eye that wants to distract and deter your purpose is it inconsistency. A lack of consistency is why we have to deal with the first two. I want to again, this is we're we're simple, okay? But if you're isolated, I would argue that it's because you've been inconsistent in your pursuit of friendship.

SPEAKER_02 39:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

If you're insecure, it's because you've been inconsistent in your pursuit of God and defining your identity correctly. Right? So I'm very secure when I'm in the word every day and I know who I am. I'm flourishing with friends when I'm a very consistent friend. I'm checking on folks, I'm calling guys, I'm meeting them at the gym, I'm having lunch three times a week. I'm I'm but it's a result of the consistency.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 39:46

And remember, this started, this was kind of a this was a project initially for pastors, then it was for CEOs, and then it became everybody. So if you're a high achiever, then your consistency is critical and it unlocks success in absolutely every area. Success comes back to consistency.

SPEAKER_02 40:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:08

If you want to, if if you want to be a winner who wins, you're consistent, which is why I got to be consistent in communicating that to the kids. Right. So success doesn't come from what you do occasionally, it comes from what you do consistently. Right. So that's the idea of it. Like practice doesn't make perfect, it's perfect practice. It's that whole concept, but that's that gets to start really helping to create our identity. It gets to help create our team. Man, if I'm consistent in my pursuit, my team's gonna be great because guess what? I'm gonna attract consistent people to that team and know we can take on anything.

SPEAKER_02 40:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

What do you think? We start talking consistency being kind of the the cornerstone for everything we've talked about so far. How's that hit you?

SPEAKER_00 40:54

Well, what it I am feeling a little convicted because I'm thinking about if you were to, I was I was going through my list of non-negotiables as you was as you were saying that, because I think you probably you probably have to know like where am I going to be consistent? Because I could judge myself a bunch for not being consistent in certain areas, but if they're not a non-negotiable, then it doesn't matter. So you have to begin with what are the actual things? I think about my quiet time in the morning, that is 100% a non-negotiable in my life, evidenced by the fact that I have seven years of everyday journal entries that I that I'm reading the Bible through every single year. So that's that's an easy one to say. One where I actually got challenged was I was saying, like, well, date weekly date nights. And then I thought, what about last week? Oh, about five weeks ago. And so I actually started questioning myself, which told me in a very good way, not in a shame-spiraling way, that said, Well, you have not yet committed to that. You have not yet placed so much value on it that you know that it has to become a non-negotiable. So, what is it? Well, it's a negotiable, which is no way to live. Like we we talked about this quote before that it's easy to live your life according to 100% of your principles than 99% of them. It's just a lot easier when you can lock in and say, no, we do a weekly date night. So that's that's where I'm probably feeling the challenge is saying, okay, let's come up with my list of non-negotiables and let's actually stop negotiating those things, that they have to have consistency. And what will happen? Increase follows stewardship, Chris. You said you said that. Increase follows stewardship. But what happens, what's cool about it, when we see increase, then we naturally apply more stewardship to it. So it begins to cycle faster and faster and faster. So it's no wonder if you have a weekly date night that your sex life's a little better. It's no wonder when you have a weekly when when your sex life's a little better that maybe you're giving a little more grace to your spouse. It's no wonder all of these things start to build on each other, and it all begins with this consistency. Oh, I I think listen, walking in the spirit, fruit of the spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, not to brag. I knew that right off the top of my head. I mean, come on, bro. No, no, did you see that? Did you see that? Where's your identity, Jesus? Come on, Joey. But the but you think about that, we can still that is an outflow of the spirit being in you, but there needs to be even a non-negotiable that says, No, I am patient, I walk in patience, and beginning for that to be a non-negotiable. This goes back even to the quiet time of getting the spirit in you, repenting. I've when we talk on the on the daily quiet times, you gave that simple acronym, pray, praise, repent, um, ask, yield. That daily repentance is something I've begun to embed within my daily quiet time, which I really hadn't done before. And man, when you have to take an accounting for that previous day of moments of impatience and little things like that, you find that those things start start to start to dissipate when you apply some focus to it. But it all comes back. It all comes back to consistency. So I think, I think for me, it's formulating in my brain, what are my actual non-negotiables? And maybe instead of 10 non-negotiables, maybe you have three. That's okay. Let's let's start and let's commit. It's that. So let's guard. I would encourage all of us, myself included, let's absolutely have our non-negotiables, but then let's really guard them before we actually say that they're non-negotiable.

unknown 44:34

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 44:37

No, that's great. And consistency compounds. So as we're consistent, every every area you listed off, right? And and I I love your challenge. And this might be how we start putting a bow on this, is just that reality. It's okay. What's the challenge here? What's my takeaway here? For consistency, I would I would really encourage you to do what Joey just said, which is what are your three non-negotiables that you're not going to play with? And you will be consistent. First Corinthians 15, 58, that's where it says, My brothers and sisters, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord. And then it goes on to say, it will not be futile or wasted. Like that consistency, your ability to be gritty enough, to be immovable, and to do what you said you were going to do. Because remember, we keep the promises that we make to ourselves. And if we're consistent there and we keep the promise to be a good friend, it's going to be amazing what comes from it. And if we keep the promise to focus on God and keep our identity right, man, then we're not going to have this in this inconsistency or this insecurity. This is what we become. And so I think that's part of the challenge. Let's start to recognize that. I want to bring it all the way to this core of your consistency.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 45:50

Because if we'll do that, then we can properly fight and resist insecurity and isolation.

SPEAKER_00 45:58

So let's tie consistency back again. These all feed on each other, back to team. What are your three non-negotiables? Don't just write them down for yourself. Who's on your team? Who are the who are the two or three people you're going to say, here are my three non-negotiables. I'm going to, I'm going to report to you on Sunday night, Saturday night, did I do these things? You're going to ask me. I'm inviting you, I'm inviting you to hold me accountable. This is they all feed on each other, and I don't want to overcomplicate this, but this is what long term, if you had a life that looked kind of like this, let's say in the with by the end of the year or by the end of the month, or whatever time frame you have, you can start setting these structures and these trellises for yourself. Also, all of this, so that you can we can begin to stop weaving wildly in our mistakes and highs and lows and just narrowing the bandwidth of where how we're living our life, giving ourselves a straight path to where we want to go. But again, I think all these three tie together, and I'd love for you. Again, we're there are a lot of things that people can take out of this. I hope you're taking notes. But if you were to say the small step, maybe it's to ask yourself the three questions. Um, but if you were to give maybe the next seven days the very, very small step, what is the small step you'd you'd encourage someone here on these three eyes?

SPEAKER_01 47:17

I'm gonna ask everybody to to write down three sentences. Okay, and it's gonna be an action for each. What's your action this week to build your team? Okay, and I would encourage it to be something like notice and know people so that they'll do that back to you. Okay. Number two, if we're gonna fight insecurity, our identity is gonna be right. And I would ask you to write out a couple sentences of just what is your identity in Christ? What's that actually mean? I'm a child of the king, I am an unstoppable force. I am hooked up with I am immovable, right? Like that's I want to I want you to make a statement about your identity. And then number three, I'm gonna steal yours, Joey. I just want you to write down the three things this week that are non-negotiables that you will be consistent in. And now we're actually confronting and attacking the three things that want to slow you down and keep you from your purpose. I'm gonna end with two quotes. Number one, if you're persistent, you'll get it. If you're consistent, you'll keep it. Number two, discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. And consistency is the vehicle that gets you across.

SPEAKER_00 48:34

Come on. I I know we we talk brave and we the name is brave and big. We want people to be brave and live big. It may, it may sound like one of these maybe ethereal things without meaning, but this to me right here is what a brave and big life looks like. This is what a fruitful life looks like. This is one that where you're setting up for your for your kids. Imagine it, imagine if you sent this episode to your kids and your 16-year-old started embedding these three three things, and all of a sudden they weren't they weren't subject to isolation or insecurity or inconsistency, and they began that really, really early. This is the this is like generational moving type stuff, and it's not that complicated. A brave and big life starts with a small step, and we know how to do it. So, part this is great, and this is again, I know it started the pastors, but this is for everybody. And to me, this really is the epitome of what it looks like to be brave and live big. Let's go get it. Okay, real quick, triple S for us. Subscribe, share, star. Give us five stars wherever you listen to podcasts. Thank you so much for joining us this week on Brave and Big. Brave and Big is produced by Stonest Podcast and the brilliant Miles All Britain. We will see you next week.