Wanted Poster Glam with writer-director Quinn Katherman

Join host Claire Wyckoff as she and writer-director-all-around-bad-ass Quinn Katherman get glammed up for their Wanted and Missing posters. Because the worst part about going missing or being wanted by johnny or joanie law? When they use an un-cute photo of you in the poster. New episodes Monday! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

This week on Starks and Crafts, pitching meets stitching, and we're doing our glam in case we go missing. Two, one. With my friend, director of creative and all-around badass, Quinn Catherman. So excited to have writer, director. I journaled about you. Funny as fuck, screenwriter, and then I wrote, Proof women can be anything, including a real bitch when they have to be. Hi and yay!

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Yay!

SPEAKER_01 0:28

I'm so excited you're here because you kind of helped me come up with this idea. I hope life under a dictatorship is treating you well. Honestly, could be a little better. Yeah, no, I have a few notes. One or two. Public criticisms. Yeah. I wanted to say that it is nice hanging out with you, not at our best friend's funeral like the last time I saw you. Big improvement. Big improvement that I'm not covered in tears. It's not correct.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Shout out, Kathy. Shout out, Kathy.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Wherever you are. I would say wonderful human. Subpar ghost. Because I we've discussed this. I wanted to bring it up. You said that you have yet to be haunted by her. Not getting haunted even a little bit. Not once. I kind of thought I would have gotten a little like jump scare or something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Like running up the stairs and like something jabs you in the butt. Kathy!

SPEAKER_01 1:22

The fuck? Like, I feel like I put in the work while she was alive. Like, are am I not cute enough? Am I like what is what is what did I give you in life? Didn't wait, didn't you tell me that she haunted Josie and Josie got a book deal? Josie has a book deal.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Like not like not like a book deal that we wouldn't want, like a book deal that we would die for. The fuck? All those tears I cried and not a single haunting.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

Like haunt me into a book deal. Like the nerve of some ghosts. The nerve of some ghosts. I at this point I'm like, if she doesn't haunt today's podcast, she if she doesn't haunt this podcast into number one, fucking bitches.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Bitches.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

It's craft time! We are gonna talk about the snarky craft that you chose to do today. Every single one of my guests, I'm sending a list of snarky crafts from pinfoil hats to tampon animals. And today, Miss Quinn picked missing persons poster glam. I would love to hear from you why you chose this one, but I did want to show you. I I I started to sketch our missing persons posters, and this one says Quinn. So hot, so missing. But then this one is wanted. Quinn and Claire, he deserved it. We are gonna do our glam so that should we ever go missing or hurt someone and be wanted. So if we are the victim of a crime or the instigators, and these days it it really could go either way. Either way, either way. It's a real roll of the dice. We will have the glam ready so we look so good.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

Yeah, I don't need these blossoming jowls on the internet all over the world.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

I that this spoke to you because it is a real possibility that you could get you could get a missing person's poster that just doesn't capture your real essence. So, in order to do that, I sent you some makeup in the mail. Everyone got a box of supplies. Look at this. You got the make it real butterfly makeup kit from Atelier Walgreens. Hey! That's right. Yeah. Shout out to your sponsor. I know. Hear that? Walgreens, Kathy, make it happen. Also, for funsies, if at any point in time you get bored, I have the chalice of questions. So also in your package, I went to the dollar store and did get a spa headband and wrist set. What are these? Is that what's this?

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Is this for so the water doesn't go on your arms?

SPEAKER_01 3:51

I had a moment where I was like, is this for if you have like really long hair on your arm?

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Like I don't get it.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

You thought it was my long armhair? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

Like hold your armhair back while you puke. I don't know. Two wristbands will keep water from running down your arms as like thank God for the wristbands. Do you feel like you feel on the I I'm I'm already feeling on the way. I feel like I feel very aware of the size of my forehead.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

I was so this is the Make It Real butterfly. This was $10. And in it, it looks like we have. I this is my this is my first unboxing. We have different eyeshadows and different shades. It's looking like there are blushes and different, you know, uh lip glosses. The goal, of course, today to do our own glam so that we look fantastic. Then you and I can do a fun little photo shoot, and I will comp together our missing persons posters. Right now in America is not a bad time for every woman to I was. To be doing this. To be doing this. Like, like, I would love a headshot service that's like prepared.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

The fact. So, like what happened to glamour shots?

SPEAKER_01 5:05

What happened? What happened to glamour shots? Like, if we had glamour shots, we'd have better missing persons posters, I bet. You know? So, which can I ask you, is there anything in particular that spoke to you about this? Because I did like when we talked about this, that you said the interesting thing is really truly, any we women could get murdered by like the number one way we could die.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Yes, yes, is men. But also, what are you starting with? Okay, I was thinking I might start with my eyeshadow. Okay, great. I I my instinct is lost.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

May I ask you? Uh can I talk to you about my recent TikTok wormhole? Have you heard of Alpine divorce?

SPEAKER_00 5:43

Okay, yes, go on. I have many things to say about this. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

I have so much to say. Please.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

First of all, I want to start by acknowledging the intelligence level a man would have to have to pull this off. To even think to do this. Do you know what I mean? Immediately when I heard it, I was like, no, this is like something a woman would think of. First of all. It's so caddy. A little too smart. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 6:10

You'd have to like do some planning.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

No one would ask a single question if my husband came back and was like, she got lost, the elements.

unknown 6:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

She quit midway. It would be like, absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Quinn would do that. Like, it's wily. People are just going to major cities and being like, she was right behind me, and then we just reached this one intersection in Bangkok and she was gone. That's that is the shurmiest, shittiest part about the whole thing. Did you hear about the guy in Austria who went hiking with his girlfriend was like, Whoops, she didn't come back. And they had footage from far away of they could see his light going back down. So they like somehow knew that he like, I don't know, he's on trial now for actually coming up with like concocting a plan to.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Wait, so the the TikTok wormhole I was in about this is a woman being like, I survived this. Her husband took her on a hike, and then she was like a little bit behind them, and all of a sudden she couldn't see them. Like, managed to like build a fort and like survive this storm that hit the side of the mountain. It's like no, no, no. And then like crawl out days later. She gets down to land, and her husband's like, okay, she made it. Yeah, and she's like, Yeah, I got Alpine divorced and live.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

The lengths men, that like sounds like a Nathan Fielder episode. Like the lengths men would go. 100%. Rather than just being like, I think we should break up.

SPEAKER_00 7:40

Like, what if you just just break my heart? At least don't make me go hiking.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

This feels like it's going on quite smoothly.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Listen, all the TikTok girlies do at least three different shadows.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

So well then so too shall I.

SPEAKER_00 7:53

I'm impressed by the application so far.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Mine or yours?

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Because I No, just like how smoothly this is going on.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

I don't know what good makeup is, but this it's like a little bit of a chance.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

I was expecting to fight for my life a little bit more than this.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

I know. I had a moment where I was like, I don't know what I'm setting her up for, but can I bring you to a different topic that I had based on our more recent conversation about? Another person from my high school recently passed away. And he had there was a Facebook post that was just like kind of a cryptic thing from a friend that was like gone too soon. And of course, when someone dies, the first thing you think is like, this is tragic. Like it's super tragic. He's our age, like he's young. Oh my god, is poor parents, like oh my god, is poor parents. Yeah. And then I move on to I need someone to spill the tea on all of the details. Like the obituary that they give you is always like they're survived by this, they did this, they're great. And I'm always like, how many pills were in his system?

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Did you check the comments? Because you could always find that you got a girl detective this. Girl detective!

SPEAKER_01 8:59

I've spent entire like 30-minute conversations like dancing around like a death, trying to be like, Well, you know, you just never know if drinking too much is gonna get you.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Like, you never know Terminal illness.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

If you take too many pills and then try to walk down a staircase. I saw this coming for nine months. I'm at the point where I need there to be a regular obituary. Look at that. And then a bitchy one.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

Working in some highlighter. At least I think that is what it is. It might also be white eyeshadow, not sure. I'm gonna put some of these on.

SPEAKER_01 9:39

I just think that there needs to be a version of every person's death that's the tea spilling version, where it's like, it turns out he had been sleeping with other people for years and years and years, been in and out of rehabs, no one ever talked about it. And eventually one night he was drunk and he took the riding mower down the hill. And like that's what I want. Because I spent my morning looking and I didn't get any, but I everyone was like, it's so sad. And I'm like, what's so sad? Please tell me what.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

No, but like okay, yes, obviously the death is sad, but if you were going to elaborate one sentence further, right, right.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

Okay, now I'm gonna go in for the jewels.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Okay. I'm I'm trying to highlight my eyes. They look sad with the jewels, obviously. I'm gonna contour, begin with a lighter shade.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

I feel like every time I contour, I look like an idiot. Like, I'm the one who shows up at parties and someone will be like, You've got a brown streak. And I'm like, that's my contour.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

The bitches that would sit at their desk and like do bubble letter drawings and like do shading on them, and you'd be like, How the fuck do you know how to do shading? These are the bitches that do contours. When I try to do shading, I'm literally like, I cannot possibly understand how this would create a shadow. Same thing as contouring.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

This is where I think that school fails us. I don't know how to do my taxes, I don't know a contour.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

But Pythagorean theorem, right?

SPEAKER_01 11:03

I can sit down. Like I can do a sign and cosign, but like at this point, I can't do like um like a dusty lip. I just feel like that was a big miss.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

Yeah, or like explain 401k to your daughter. You know what I mean? I can't even, I still can't.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

I don't understand it.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

I refuse to I've had a bunch, not really sure what they're doing.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

Yeah. I feel like I'm at the point in capitalism where it feels like it would be easier to just be a farmer who grows their own food than goes to work to make the money to buy the food.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

I'm currently reading this book yesteryear. Have you heard of this? Someone else was telling Oh, I just saw that Ann Rathaway is gonna turn that in.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Is she doing that in the case? I was trying, I'm trying to put that out of my head.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

Um yeah, that's hard. I can't do it. Uh, I get that.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

Sorry, is it good? I've heard people talking about it. Please tell me.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Well, I'm listening to it, which is my new way of saying I read something.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

I feel the same way if I watch a movie with subtitles, I'm like, I just read a book.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

I was reading. I was reading.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

I was reading, I was reading.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

But I will say that I find that the performance of the audiobook really either enhances or distracts from what I think of it. And I think the report, like the voice is very like flimsy and like this, and it really suits the character and what they're talking about because it's like trad wife stuff. Yeah. So big old recommendation. Hey, Audible, if Audible wanted to sponsor us, we are available. Hey, Audible. Hey, Audible. Love what you're out here doing, okay?

SPEAKER_01 12:39

It's putting me face to face with how little Botox I've gotten.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

It's I like I'm really not really clear about this uh forehead vein that has popped out in peri menopause, but I feel as though I'm gonna have to make friends with her. She seems angry.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

It's this one, yeah. I need to name her at this point. I've got yeah. Good thing I just put a jewel on it. So if you're that's a great idea. That's great. Look at this. The jewel got lost in my look, it got lost in your 11th.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

In my 11ths! That's good stuff. I'm gonna put lip gloss in my eyebrows. Perfect. And then I put eyeshadow on my lips, and I used all the lip glosses available.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

I love this. I mean, look, if you were a missing person right now, at least, like, wow, she's so hot.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

You would be like, we have to find her. I am so motivated to find this hot ass bitch. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Wow. Wow, I didn't realize like a supermodel went missing.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Thank you for seeing me.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Yeah, no, you were seeing a question from the chalice. The question from the chalice. It says America is the worst. Name one thing about America that's the best. Oh god. Yeah, it's hard, right? Wow. I think maybe the only thing. We're good at pyrotechnics at funerals. Like, I'm trying to think of a possibility.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

Okay, I'm in pyrotechnics in general.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

In general, we are good at setting off fireworks. We own the shit out of fireworks. Yeah. We're doing what?

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Unmatched.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Unmatched. Charlie Kirk dies, fireworks, 4th of July. 100%. Fireworks. Like we can kind of almost count that like baby gender reveal, fireworks. Fireworks, fireworks. Correct. Like, it doesn't have to be a celebration of something positive. Like, no. It could literally be like, your colonoscopy came back, like you have fireworks. Like, I just feel like just these days, if it's if it's on fire.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

Social Security, gone. Fireworks. Like, yeah. It's just like healthcare for no one. Fireworks. Sheds a tear on a Tuesday. Fireworks.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

I'm almost at the point now with the news where what's happening is such bullshit. Like it is a pile of shit. So therefore, watching the news just means I'm watching people report on piles of shit. Like it's almost like the reporting on a circus. Like, I don't need someone to be like, well, the turds are turd being turds, and one's brown and one's green, and one just bond. It really is, it is like watching a colonoscopy. Like you're just like, why just to see pieces of shit go out. I just don't see that anymore.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

And it's also like the every once in a while a new, like a real news clip will come across my TikTok and I'm like, waah! Whoa, how'd you get in here? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

Like where is the social? I need social media that's like just art and no news. Like it's almost at this point. I'm like, I feel I just anytime, like you can't. I need I need to be in a chamber where nothing is reported on. Because there's just like I might as well just sit and shoot myself in the foot over and over.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

And this is why I like audiobooks, because you want to know what's happening when I listen into an audiobook? None of the scary thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

No.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

None of those are coming in. Blocking all of them. I'm listening to an audiobook as I'm driving, as I'm walking from the car into an event.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

It's smart though. I used to be like, God, my thoughts are so pervasive. And someone was like, you should listen to music all day. And I was like, but then I won't be able to like hear myself think. And someone was like, that correct, yes. Air go. Air go. You're not alone with your thoughts. It took me years to really realize that I don't have to just listen to myself. Like I should ignore myself. Like I should listen to audio. Like I should do what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

No, I'm telling you, it's the most effective way.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

So the next order of business, we've obviously gotten our glam done. Like at this stage, like, I mean, I feel really good about potentially being murdered. The hottest machine per yes. Yeah. Like at this stage, like, come get me men in a dark alley. Come get me red pill guys who still find a woman. At this stage, I feel a little bit um grateful that I've definitely aged out of the types of women that our president wants to traffic, eat, or sleep with.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

So at this stage, I don't know who's chasing me, but when they do. Yeah. Well, I was I also was gonna say, like, the one good thing is that we are mostly safe. The men are mostly gonna run from us. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 17:25

Right, because at this point we're a woman in her 40s. That's cra that's crazy and scary. But I disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

I still think we have our own baby seal moments, right? Where we could easily get clubbed on the head. Like, just like when we're not watching, we're listening to an audiobook, voiding our own thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Getting mad that there's a man in the audiobook, bam! Right there. That's a really good point.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Abducted. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

That could easily happen. Then maybe that should be the inspo right now as we like do a few little vamping. I'm thinking America's next top model, right?

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Like all right, yeah, I got it. This is good inspection.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

So maybe that's this is maybe our inspiration should be America's next top model. We're gonna smise. So I think if we want to do just like maybe like some shots together, like a turn in. Yeah, okay. Ready for on the count of three, you let me know when you're ready. Three, ready, two, one. Love it.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

Okay, I think let's do two more, and then I feel like we might have gotten the shot. Well, hold on, I can't have my sunglasses on. Okay, ready? Here we go. Three, two, one. Okay. I thought that was good. Okay, I want to be more surprised. I want to be more surprised because if somebody got in front of me, I would be surprised, right? Yeah, it would stink.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Yeah, okay. Ready? I would be like, Okay, that's good. I think that's good because you know, like if we have gotten clubbed like a baby seal, we'll want people to see us and are like, oh my god, face.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

So we've got like a flood. When Rylan Gosling opens the meat locker from which I am hanging from a hook, I want to be like he's gonna be like, I recognize her. That's that's a little girl's contoured eyeshadow. Three, you ready, two, one.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

And then if it so happens that you and I reach a point where we get so mad that we are the ones committing crimes, I also have like if we reach our Thelma and Louise moment, I kind of feel like I also would like to have like one shot.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

I'm gonna throw it out there. I would love if that was a gift, okay? Or a drift, depending on your generation. Yeah, no, I love this. Okay, because I, in my mind, my wanted poster has always been serious black, okay? Inspired, where it's like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

So would you like to do a one, two, three, and then we just do a serious black?

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Yes, yes. Okay, yes. Ready? One, two, two. I like that I'm hearing the noises, and you're not.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

Okay, no, it's a good point. In my mind, I was like, I'll find some sound effects for that one. Quit. This has been so much more fun than hanging out with you and mushrooms at a funeral for our friend. I agree. I can't put this above that. Yeah. I mean, wow, that's great for us. But I also appreciate you so much for like coming and hanging out with me and doing something as ridiculous as our makeup with kids.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

Oh my god, I literally, I cannot wait for this. I can't wait to do it again, first of all. I call getting to be the most returning guest. If you want to do this monthly, snark and crafts, yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Because we do maybe our next one could be foot model photo shoot for when you know we completely lose all of our you know income other ways. Yeah. I also don't mind the idea of hiring a medium and calling our friend Kathy to find out why the fuck this isn't number one yet. Or I think that can be one episode.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

Okay, that can be one episode.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

I'm here for it.