"The tears that changed how I help people speak their truth..."

What happens when the best of intentions still hurts someone you care for? Frank shares how one woman reshaped his perspective on ethical storytelling... and the new framework he now uses to truly honor other's experiences.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hi everyone, welcome back to the Nonprofit Diaries, where we share the stories that don't make the newsletter. I'm your host, Kimberly Bottom. All right, friends, grab your Sonnies, because our guest this week brings light and warmth to every room that he is in. Now, if you've met him in real life, you will never forget him, I promise you that, because he makes every person feel seen and heard and valued, myself included. I met him at the Nonprofit Storytelling Conference last year and was just instantly drawn to his energy and the compassions that he has for humans doing the nonprofit work. He is the founder of Fordahood, which helps organizations and individuals reclaim and own their unique narratives. He's also the visionary behind the Ascending Leaders in Color program. Both initiatives show his relentless pursuit of racial and gender equity by elevating authentic voices. Please, everyone, welcome my dear friend Frank Velasquez. Frank, thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Well, thank you. I don't know who that guy is, but he sounds pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Stop it. There's no humility here. You know you're awesome, right? Like own it. Have the audacity to own that. It's 2022. I appreciate that. I love that. Well, thank you for being here today. I really am so excited to chat with you because when we were talking about what we were going to chat about, what you told me was just so very moving. And I think that there's a real lesson here too. Um, even though we're not here to teach, teaching is part of it, right? Uh so people can learn through your experiences. So, first and foremost, let's set the stage for the diary entry. You dedicate yourself to help people elevate their own authentic voice. How exactly do you accomplish that?

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Yeah, so I felt I feel like my calling for 2026 was to do that. So often we talk about ethical interviewing, ethical consent, ethical storytelling overall. But a contract that I have currently was to help a group of folks with the lived experience of having food insecurity, whether current or in the past, tell their own stories authentically, um, tell their own stories without harm. Uh so I feel like that's what's been my calling this year. So that I feel is like that added angle of any organization who's using uh their clients to tell their own stories in front of groups, that's where I would come in and help them uh shape those stories, tell their stories on their own terms, in their own voice and in their own way and with their own agency.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

I love that. And that's it is such a powerful thing for people to share their stories, but these stories are not all sunshine and rainbows. And there was a darker moment for you during one of these sessions, and it really resonated with you. So tell us about that.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Yeah, so I used to lead an organization several years ago, and we part of our storytelling was well, first of all, before I get to that, part of what we had are I would say um 67%, somewhere around there, of our budget was government. And so we often told, we often had our clients who were students who are in job training programs, tell their stories in front of elected officials or in big venues, you know, so that they could share their stories because we wanted to get there, make sure that that the government, uh, that the elected officials knew that they were spending their money wisely. And so we would have these stories. And so I remember one particular moment, and and you mentioned a darker moment. I will be honest, at the time I didn't feel it like it was dark, but I knew something was off. And so, anyway, so we had our person. Um, I helped her with her story prior to the event. I remember we're like in a basketball gymnasium of sorts. I remember it was very late fluorescent light, but a big gym, very noisy. They had a stage, we had elected officials in front, as well as uh as an audience of other folks that wanted to come to this particular event. She tells her story and and gets applause. But what I remember most is when when she turned around and then went immediately into my chest because I was standing behind her and just like heave crying. And so that told me a lot. Like she wasn't ready to tell her story. And I honestly do feel that we didn't pressure her, but you know, we we gave her financial assistance, we gave her case management. I felt I now I know I feel like she probably felt an obligation to tell that story, and that sticks with me, you know, and I don't want anybody to have to tell their story where it's still very close, or elements of that story is still so close that they just that they cry. And so uh this project that I told you at told you about at the beginning is we remind our our our participants in that council uh who've had the lived experience of food insecurity, is that they can keep the parts of this of their stories that are theirs and that are not meant for public. Maybe in the future, you know, they can use that that element, but I'm very, very clear now on no, you do not have to share every one of those dark moments with with strangers. Share what you want to share uh and keep what you need to keep.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

Yeah, because I I'm sure they don't even realize when they like you said, there there's definitely not any intentional pressure, right? From anybody that's probably doing this kind of storytelling work. But it's hard to also step into their shoes and say, okay, if I was them, the the kindness that you're showing them, the resources that you're providing them, there is sort of this unspoken obligation that they want to do really well for you, and sometimes they take advantage of themselves when when they do that because they want to do right by you. So I really, really feel that again, there was no ill intention here, but the fact that you kind of made that realization, it's got to have changed the way that you shape those experiences moving forward now.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Oh, a hundred percent. And so it's you know, we can probably, when I say we, I mean like nonprofits, we can probably let ourselves off the hook by saying, Well, we didn't intend, we didn't intend that, but we shouldn't let ourselves off the hook. I think that's our responsibility, is like we should be thinking about those elements of of like chess, you know, three, four moves down the table, uh, and really, really think about how we're what we're asking. Uh, and I can go into a million different directions with this, but I mean, similarly, uh, had a story where we I asked somebody, hey, can we use your real name? And we shouldn't have, you know, so going forward, it's like you don't put that pressure on somebody else because what do they know? They're gonna say, oh yeah, you can use my name without thinking of the consequences or uh other things that might come up. So so yeah, it is our responsibility, even if it's with good intentions, it's our responsibility to make sure that those things don't happen.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

I'm so glad that ethical storytelling is getting a lot of attention in our industry. I mean, it's what we do as nonprofits. We have incredible stories to tell, but they're not, again, all sunshine and rainbows. They are usually told through the lens of very, very hard times for human beings. So I'd love to hear through your experiences what's an ad a piece of advice or maybe like an audit that someone could do who is working with people telling their story and sharing those firsthand experiences so that we really honor those humans?

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Yeah, great question. Um, I really think a lot of it is well, I have like a little bit of a breakdown. I have like a framework. So I think that yeah, that framework, let me just look at it really quick. The first piece is really is what you believe. Uh so whenever you have someone who's telling their story, their belief is their foundation. Uh so we need to know what that is. What is that core conviction that brought them to this work? The next part is what they've lived. So this is where that story gets real. So it's not only what you believe, but now you're sharing your actual experience. Uh, then the third component of this framework is what do they want to change? This is really important, especially if you're talking with somebody and especially if you're working with folks that are telling their stories. And let's say you're having a gala event and you're bringing these people to their stories, then what is that change that you want them to share or that they want to share? But it's that last piece which I said a second ago. The advice I would give is being very keen on what stays theirs. Uh, if pieces of their story do not feel safe for them to share, leave them out. Uh we and we make very clear that they control what they say, not anybody else. Their boundary is their power. And I think that's probably the most important advice is just to be clear on what they want to share and what they need to keep uh inside.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Yep. And I think creating the space for that is even just going to help that person feel very empowered to be comfortable in the way they tell their story, right? Because a lot of times we're moving at the speed of light. Like you said, we're playing a gala, they're part of it. Like we can get really lost in the bigger picture to take the five to ten to fifteen minutes to sit down and go, I want you to know that this is your story. How do you feel about this? Are you comfortable sharing this truly? Like, don't answer right away. Take a couple seconds to think about it and then answer me back. Like letting them know that their voice is very important to you, and they don't feel like, oh, I just I have to be, you know, the the easiest person to work with because you're being so kind to me. Is that is that kind of what you've experienced? Like you said, the obligation is not something you intentionally enforce, but it kind of comes out if you don't pause.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

I think, yes. And and to add to that, I think we know this as storytellers. If you like movies, if we like, you know, uh good songs, whenever, however that that that looks like a book, a good book. It's very tempting to tap into every one of those emotions to have an effect on your audience. I mean, we're it's very tempting to do that, but it's our responsibility, or I should say, and it's our responsibility, when we're working with people who are very close to the trauma, that that we don't have to go that way. We can still tell a very strong story without re-traumatization. And I think the old the younger Frank, when he was working at that nonprofit, felt like we needed to get that story that got people to move. Um when it's done in a manipulative way or in a harmful way, that's not the right way. And I think that's where we have to come to terms with that because I have seen, especially with these, the my the contract that I have right now with these with this group, they're telling powerful stories and they're holding close to what matters to them, meaning they're not sharing every single piece. So, that to me, again, is in addition to what you say, is that let's not get tempted into telling the the the 100% emotional story. If we know it's gonna harm somebody, we need to make sure that we're we're responsible.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Thank you for providing that story, that experience, the framework. That's super helpful, I think, for people moving forward. Yeah. Um, and I really, really hope that we get to talk to you again as you kind of go down this path and learn more um about how ethical storytelling should be shaped moving forward. Because again, I don't think this is like a trend that's going away anytime soon. It's something that we all really need to lean to.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

Well, I appreciate the platform and I appreciate you capturing these uh these types of conversations in your podcast because I think they're important. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

They are. Oh, well, I am happy to be here. Are you kidding me? My job is just to just tell good stories and connect people like it's a dream. I'm telling you, sign me up every day. So thank you for coming, Frank. Thank everybody on the other end for listening. I cannot wait to see you all again for the next nonprofit diaries episode coming up. And if you have your own story to tell, please, there is a link for a form in the description. Fill it out. We'd love to have you on the podcast. Frank, thanks for being here. Yes, and we'll see you guys next time.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Thank you.