“The pay raise conversation that cost me my car…”

Cindy had a plan to ask for a promotion. What actually happened did NOT follow that plan. She explains the series of events that started with an awkward conversation and ended with a stolen car!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Hi everyone, welcome back to the Nonprofit Diaries, where we share the stories that don't make the newsletter. I'm your host, Kimberly Bottom. Our guest this week probably doesn't need an introduction, but I'm gonna give her one anyway. If you have heard the term fractional in the nonprofit space, you've heard the name Cindy Wagman alongside of it. Cindy spent nearly 20 years as a fundraising professional who experienced what all too many people in this industry experience, which is a deep passion for service that led to overcommitment and burnout. But instead of being defeated by it, Cindy changed the game. She founded the nonprofit Fractionals Network. In her own words, she helps seasoned professionals turn their hard-won experience into fulfilling flexible consulting roles as fractional executives. She is a no-nonsense businesswoman with a big heart and a generous spirit. I love how fiercely she supports women from the organizations that she's worked at to how she shows up in our industry online and in person. And over her tenure in fundraising, y'all, she's got some stories. This is why she's here today. Cindy, welcome and thank you for being on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Thanks so much for having me. And that's by far my favorite intro I've ever received.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

I'm so glad. I'm just so glad that you're here because we've chatted, you've got some um crazy, I say crazy stories, you know. In the moment, I think everybody that's on the pad podcast is sort of slightly reliving a bit of trauma, right? Because these were not crazy things in the moment. But I love how you flipped the narrative. And instead of, like you said, slinking away, you said, no, no, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this on my own terms, and then the way that you help professionals do that as well. But let's start with your diary entry. This is a good one. Uh-huh. Yeah, she knows. Okay, so one of the reasons you became your own boss is because some of the bosses you've had haven't been great, right? So we had chatted about this. You were at a nonprofit and you were doing great work and you had planned to ask for a little bit of a pay increase. I'm gonna leave it at that and let you take it from here.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

I will, yes. So um, I had been in the organization for maybe a year, a year and a half. Something, things were going well, right? Like I feel like by all accounts, I was performing well. And so I booked a time with my boss uh to talk about a promotion. In the meantime, we had a donor meeting together. It was a corporate donor, and we had to go out to their offices, which were out kind of in the boons, like our off our work offices were downtown. And so we had to drive out to near the airport. And my boss doesn't drive or didn't drive, and so I drove because I had a car, all that good stuff. This is back in the day, and we had like a little rinky dink car. It was total echo. It was it was small. We had manual locks, like you had to roll literally roll up the window, roll down the window with a little crank. Yeah. So uh, so we we had the we got in the car, went there, had the donor meeting, and on the way back, my boss said to me, Well, why don't we just talk about the meeting that we have scheduled now? We have this time together in the car. So I was not prepared and focused on driving with her in the passenger seat. And because I think all of us are people pleasers, I said yes. Yeah. I was like, of course we can talk about it now. I'm a team player. So yeah. So while we're driving on the highway, um, I had I don't remember the exact conversation. I'm sure my brain just like blocked that out, but I remember asking her for a raise, and her response was not great. Um, it wasn't a no. And again, I don't remember word for word, but the feeling was kind of like, um, almost like, really, are you asking for this now? Um, prove to me that you earned it. That's what I remember. It was a while ago, so I, you know, memory's not perfect, but I remember this feeling of, okay, not great, like come back to me with like more evidence, and you know, maybe you haven't been here long enough. So I let it go. Um, but I was totally discombobulated and just kind of like, okay, just get drop her off, get her home, go home. So I get home, and by the time I like get out of the car and lock my door, I'm done. I'm like completely just in my zone. Forgetting, forget about the day, right? Like, I don't know, probably had a drink or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Yeah, your body is trying to protect itself.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

It's like just forget-exactly, exactly, exactly. So I wake up the next morning and go to the car. I live in downtown Toronto. We have street parking, so no parking spots. Um, so I go to the car where I think the car is parked. I'm like, Where's the car? It's not here. And so it's not uncommon for it to be somewhere else along the street. So I'm walking up and down the street, being like, Where is the car? Where's the car? And at that point, I don't even think we had the like locks that would beep. You know how now if I can't find it, yeah. Yeah. It's not like walking around being like, okay, the car is not here. And what happens? Toad? Nope. So I forgot to check that her door was locked when she left the car. And so I left it unlocked by accident. And overnight, it sounds like some like high school kids, you know, they kind of like walk down the street checking all the doors. Yeah. So they like opened our car and took it for a joyride and ended up halfway across town. And please, the police found it, but they had stolen it.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

So wait a minute, it was her side that was unlocked?

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

Okay, now she has to give you the raise, if only to pay for it.

unknown 6:58

I know.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

Well, I mean, we got the car back, so but then we were kind of like, I felt like the car was cursed. I was like, I don't even want this car anymore. Um, I was kind of hoping we'd just get a replacement, but no, they they found it. But you know, I don't even think I told her. I was like, I just, you know, it at the end of the day, like I was the one who left it unlocked or didn't check. Um, but yeah, I feel like we kind of eat these things, right? We're we're kind of just like, I'll oh, I'll take it on for everyone. I'll, you know, live with the with the consequences of other people. Again, like it wasn't 100% her her fault. No, but yeah, I never said anything to her.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

Okay, I have so many questions. First question the raise, did it ever happen? Did the consequence?

SPEAKER_00 7:52

It did eventually, I think. Yeah, I'm like I did get promoted within the organization. Um, I just don't remember exactly the timing. How yeah, it certainly didn't play out the way you thought it would. No, no, exactly. And I think that was the first time I'd ever asked for a raise.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

So and that was my second question was so when in your career was this? Was this pretty early on?

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Yeah, so this was my second like organization that I worked for. So probably about four, four to five years. I well, I guess four of my four first organizations. It would have been five-ish years into my nonprofit career.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

Okay. Cause when I met you, and before I met you in person, obviously, like I follow in LinkedIn and I read your posts, I have like sort of embodied your spirit as like, what would Cindy do? Because she's brave. You know, like the way that you speak and present yourself and you stand up for other people. Thank you. I like I really am inspired by the way that that's why, you know, I said you're a no-nonsense businesswoman. You don't seem to take any nonsense, but I feel like many of us, especially of many of us who are women, in our early phases of the career of our careers, really do just say, like, it's fine. I'll take the brunt of whatever's coming. I'll make everyone else happy at, you know, the expense of my own happiness and health. And when at some like clearly at some point, something shifted. So is there anything like that helped that process to get you to like, no, I'm not gonna stay silent anymore? Like, I'm gonna start.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Yeah. I had a boss that I thought was like my biggest champion. I used to call her my work mom. Um, yeah, because she kind of reminded me of my mom and they had similar personalities. And she would always be like, Oh, I'm gonna give you this opportunity. I'm gonna put you in this room, I'm gonna position you for this, you know, promotion. Um, and I really felt like she cared about me and um my growth and opportunities. Like she was she felt like a real champion when I gave notice at the job. Now I was working full-time. I had a three-year-old and like a six-month-old. And I took this is when I started consulting, and so I took on this consulting contract. Um, it was three days a week working remotely, and it paid me more for those three days than I was making full-time in this other job.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Okay, now what a what an amazing opportunity. Yeah, and she took it as a betrayal.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Really?

SPEAKER_00 10:50

She I don't want to say hated me for it because I don't want to put words in her mouth, but she did not support me at all. And at that moment I realized like even the people who look like they support you, at the end of the day, you know, you never know. I don't want to say no one supports you, but you just never know. And at that point, I was like, nope, I gotta prioritize myself. I gotta make sure that like that that I put myself first. And so that was a bit of a turning point for me, just in terms of like, mm, you never know. People always have their own agenda.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

In my later stages of life in my career, I always thought that, you know, looking out for number one was selfish, right? Like people who do that aren't team players or you know, they're only self-serving. And I really have come to realize that you can look out for number one whilst still supporting other people. But if you're not going to look out for you with a fierce outlook, nobody else will. Like you said, even the ones who you think will, yeah, probably when it comes down to it, and it's not selfish to prioritize your own needs because that's what frankly pretty much everybody else is doing, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:15

So yeah, and at and for most of us, when we prioritize our own needs, it actually allows us to show up better for everyone else. Correct, yeah. Right. We all know the like put your mask on before you help someone else when you're flying. It's kind of like that, right? Like the more we position ourselves for the success that we want, the more we can help other people be successful.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

100%. Yeah. One of my favorite, you know, sayings, it might be cliche, but is you can't pour from an empty cup. So yeah, exactly. And and it really is when you are healthy and sane, all right, and all these things, then you can show up. And and quite frankly, the way that I've felt you have shown up for me and many other women, probably, is like to read and hear about these experiences that you went through and how you refuse to first of all be defined by them, and second of all, be scared away by them because nonprofit work is hard. Like nobody, nobody's gonna say that it's not, right? That's actually worked in it. Yeah. And you could have easily been like, you know what? I've given so much of myself. I could just call it at this point and be fine. But you didn't, and and what you've done has not only changed your life, but it's changed the lives of so many. But thank you so much for being here today. I'm actually gonna throw out a little tease for the Nonprofit Diaries Family Network because, like I said, Cindy's been doing this for a while. She's got more than one story. We had to do one story for this episode, but we're gonna stick around and uh talk about a few other stories, and that will come in a later episode. So stay tuned for that. For all of you listening, this is your reminder to hydrate and practice self care. And if it helps you would and you'd like to be on the podcast, there is a link in the description so you can submit your own diary entry. We'll chat, we'll have you on the podcast. It'll be great. I hope to hear from all of you. But until next time, Cindy, thank you for being here, and we'll see everyone on the next episode.