“The stress symptom wake up call…”

The body keeps score, even when the mind doesn't. 😅 And for Kiersten, job stress had a visible effect on her health.

She shares the symptom that came out of nowhere, how she healed her nervous system, and the mindset shift she adopted to keep her from overdoing it moving forward.

Connect with and learn from Kiersten here 👉 https://www.linkedin.com/in/hillkiersten/

✍️ Got your own story to tell? Submit a diary entry to be featured on the podcast 👉 https://bit.ly/4tXt0d6

🩷 Connect with our community on LinkedIn 👉 https://www.linkedin.com/company/nonprofit-diaries/

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:07

Hello everyone, welcome back to the Nonprofit Diaries, where we share the stories that don't make the newsletter. I'm your host, Kimberly Bottom. I am jazzed to have a fellow storyteller on the pod this week. She's actually spent her career shaping stories and scaling nonprofits, including United Way, Give Nebraska, Big Brothers, Big Sisters, and the Lincoln Children's Zoo. She is now the director of nonprofit solutions at Firespring, which is a website provider that helps nonprofits promote their causes and engage their visitors. So Kirsten and I actually served on a panel last year at CauseCamp. It was about digital trends for nonprofits, and something she said really stuck with me. She said, we need to stop expecting nonprofits to run like businesses. We are not businesses. And that's such an important reminder as nonprofits lean into more technology and AI and other business motions that we cannot forget the humanity and the connection with our communities and service users. So we are lucky to have her share more of that humanity and personal touch with us today. Please welcome my esteemed guest, Kirsten Hill. Hi, Kirsten. Well, hi.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

It's so nice to hear somebody say that they actually remember something that I said. Oh, absolutely. Thank you. Yeah, I I thought I think about that a lot. I have actually probably spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about um just how different, you know, it's the same concept. We are businesses, but man, we have so many other uh things that we get to consider besides just business.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

So besides profit. Right, which is exactly right. So and you've done both. You've done nonprofits, you've worked for companies that are for-profit companies. And I love that we are trying to lean into more efficiencies that will help us be better organizations.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

But we're not businesses, and that is an important designation. So when you said that, I was like, yep, I'm gonna use that one. But I always credit you, I promise. Oh, no, that's great. Thank you. I appreciate that. Well, I'm so excited to have you here today. Thank you for joining. Let's set the stage for your diary entry. This one's gonna resonate with a lot of people, myself included. Um, it's shining a spotlight on something we all know that we need to do in nonprofit work, but somehow it always takes a backseat, which is self-care. Uh, we care so much about our missions and our teams and our communities that we oftentimes neglect ourselves. And this kind of happened to you, and it was an eye-opening moment. So, first tell us, you stepped into a new role. What were you doing?

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Yeah, so uh I had come from a role that I had been in almost 10 years. I had run 10 statewide giving campaigns at Give Nebraska. Um, I was so comfortable and familiar with payroll deduction and helping other organizations and building networks and relationships and fundraising. But I I hit 10 years and I thought, I don't think this is how I want to end my career. I want to do something different. And so I joke with people that when you tell the universe that you want a new challenge, I recommend being more specific because I got so much more than what I had bargained for. I had I knew that I was going into an organization that needed some TLC, I was going into a place where um it it needed a little bit of uh attention and support, and there were gonna have to be some things that changed. And so I knew that, but I just didn't have any idea. Um, it was my first foray into actual direct client service. So everything that I had done prior to that had been nonprofit, but fundraising or um, you know, distribution, donation distribution related, those kinds of things. I had never done direct service. So um there is a different stress that you carry on yourself and your body when you have tiny humans that you care for. Um, so that was that was one thing that I wasn't expecting. I wasn't expecting quite the financial um situation that I walked into. And so there were just so many things. And I was just, I was on the treadmill, right? I was just, I was running. Um, and I was and I was doing everything to keep all the balls in place at the same time. I had to like downsize the staff, and there were all of these other things happening at the same time. And so, yeah, what ended up happening is that I developed a really horrible eye twitch.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

Well, you you told me when we were talking about the story, like the body keeps score even when the mind doesn't, right? So like your body started keeping score, but you didn't even kind of realize it first.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

No, I was I was just on the treadmill, right? I was just running, I was running the race, I was doing the things. Um, and didn't even realize the physical toll that it was taking. Uh, I joke with people that when I turned uh 43, which happened to be when I was at uh at that organization, when I turned 43, everything like on my body decided to quit at the same time. Right. And I think a lot of it was something that I either unknowingly or unwillingly was looking at, which was really the toll that the stress was taking on me physically. Yeah. And it manifested in this eye that would not stop twitching. It was so crazy. Oh my god. But wait, when so it started twitching, right?

SPEAKER_02 5:26

And you're like, all right, something's not right. When was the moment where you realized, oh, it's the job?

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Um, it was when I like any good, like late-stage Gen Xer. I I went to I went to my crowdsourcing, right? So I go to Facebook because I am like an open book in life. And so I go to Facebook and I say, I have this horrible eye twitch that will not go away. Has anybody else had this happen? What do I do? And you know who responded was all my nonprofit friends. Right. And so I'm reading through and it's like, oh yeah, that happened to me. Oh yeah, that happened to me. Um, the the executive director for a similar organization in Omaha messaged me and was like, oh my gosh, I had the same thing happen when I had been at the organization almost as long as you have. Like, and it dawned on me that this was literally, like I say, my body keeping score. Like this was honestly a manifestation of all of the stress and everything else that I was carrying. And it it manifested in this eye twitch that would not stop.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Oh my goodness. I and it's funny because you said you crowdsource, you reach out to your network, you're like, Yes, this happened to me. I know everybody listening to this podcast is gonna be like, oh yeah, that was the year that, you know, my decided to act. And same thing early in my career when I was covering a lot of nonprofit events, I was on the road, you know, two, three weeks out of the month. And I suddenly was able, unable to eat anything. And I'm like, when did I suddenly develop all these allergies? Why can't I have gluten anymore? Why can't I have this anymore? And like elimination diets, doctors, tests, nothing worked. And when I realized, I'm like, oh, I need to take a break. That's what it is. Um that makes sense. So like we start to do these things. Did you did you kind of like come to any realization to how to get the eye twitch to stop after?

SPEAKER_01 7:19

You know, um, uh short of or short of when I moved on to another job, unfortunately. No, you know, it it did. I I think like you say, I think it is whether it's a watch or whatever it is, I think a lot of the the answer or the solution to it is becoming aware that it's happening. Yeah. And I and I started to look for those ways that I could um outsource what I could outsource. Right. That I could, you know, delegate things to staff members, that I could ask for help from my board. Uh, you know, I tried to find ways that I was not the that that at least I didn't feel like I was the sole person responsible for the ship sailing or sinking. And I think it was just one of those things where I from then on, though, have really tried to take a look at what is the impact on me physically, yes, uh of the the stress and the emotion and the things that I'm carrying. And I think uh it did change to some extent the way that I approach things. And I think the way that I tend to prioritize um recovery has probably changed. So I I don't it's not that I change how hard I hit the ground running, that part hasn't changed, but it has changed the forgiveness that I give myself in allowing myself to recover. So emotionally, physically, you know, if I need to spend a Saturday on the couch watching Netflix, right, I don't feel guilty about it anymore. You shouldn't, right? Yeah, right. Because I because there is that my body needs that um in order to keep me uh activating at the higher pace that I want to keep. And so I don't know that it's changed anything about how I work, but it's probably changed some things about how I recover.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

That I feel like is such a learned skill. I feel like, especially nonprofit professionals who are so used to muscling through, right? Like discipline over motivation. Even when I'm really tired, I'm just gonna push. At some point, that will catch up with you. Like you said, your body is keeping score and it will, for me, you know, it started as like mild stomach upset, and I'm like, I can ignore that. Guess what? When you ignore it, it gets louder. So true. So now, is there anything that you do, like when you start to feel yourself? Because now I can like feel those early symptoms. Like, I feel like my nerve endings are a little tingly, and like I start to now pay attention. Is there anything that you do to bring yourself back down so that eye twitch doesn't come back?

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Yeah, I think again, I think part of it is just it's the recovery. Um, it's and it's that I I make time for that. Yeah. The other thing that I think I I saw myself doing, and that I think a lot of other nonprofit leaders do, is that I wasn't just overwhelmed and busy with my things, but we all tend to take on other people's things, right? So it was I had I was on this committee at Rotary and I had this going on, um, helping another friend with their event. And then I was gonna like tomorrow, I'm walking in the Pride Parade with uh leadership Lincoln, right? It's all these other things that we do to help out our friends and help out other causes that we care about. Um, and even uh about three or four months ago, I went in and cut out a bunch of things that I was doing. And I just went to people that that I love dearly and I said, I'm so sorry, but I have to prioritize. And right now I can't make this a priority. Uh it's not that I don't love you, it is not that I don't support you. I've got to, I've got to cut something and something has to go. And so um I'm not going away forever, I'm going away for now. And I couldn't believe how freeing that was.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

I bet.

SPEAKER_01 11:16

And and honestly, the other thing that I've reframed it for myself a little bit is if I step back, can I provide someone else an opportunity to step up?

SPEAKER_02 11:27

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

So are there other people waiting in the wings that I think need a push or they need something new, or um, they have a lot to offer that maybe they're not getting the chance because I'm taking up this space. And so is there is there a chance that when I step back, someone else gets the chance to step up?

SPEAKER_02 11:51

What an amazing new narrative, right? So when you feel yourself needing some space to look around you, look outside of yourself and go, who could I elevate?

SPEAKER_01 12:01

And and it helps, it helps everybody, right? It helps you, it helps the organization that you're stepping away from, and it helps that person um who who is gonna hopefully get an opportunity to experience this really great organization and this really cool opportunity. You know, I I just think whatever we can do that helps each other out, um, that's why I love the whole premise around this podcast because I think it's just it's really fun. And and I do also believe so strongly that those of us who are in nonprofits have these weird things that only happen in nonprofit. And and it is it is a network that we can we can use our experiences to support each other uh and to encourage each other, and it doesn't all have to be so serious. So I love that. I love the concept. I think it's great.

SPEAKER_02 12:47

Well, I'm so glad you do. I'm so glad you came, right? Sometimes the healing thing that we need is a collective laugh or cry or whatever it is, but collective, right? That's what we're going for. Because, like you said, we all know it's going on, but for some reason, in those moments, we do feel kind of like, oh my gosh, am I the only one? And you're not. You're absolutely not. So I appreciate you being vulnerable here today and sharing your story. If I ever see you at an event coming up with an eye twitch, I'm calling you on it because I please do.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

Absolutely, absolutely, please do. I will for sure.

SPEAKER_02 13:23

And same with me. If you see me avoiding food, you've avoiding food, I'll be like, you have to eat. Yep, that means that I've I've gotten into a bad place. So we will hold each other accountable. Perfect moving forward. And I really love the reframe. I think that's going to be helpful for people too, is to see how your need for healing can benefit your community around you. So thank you so, so much for participating today. Thanks for having me. Thank you. And for all of you nonprofit professionals out there, this is more important this week than ever. This is your reminder to hydrate and practice self care. Unless you want digestive issues in an eye twist, you must hydrate and practice self care. And if it does help you to join the community and vent, you can submit your own diary entry. There is a link in the description. Please reach out. We would love to have you on the podcast. And we will see you next time. Bye, everybody.