The Human Sunshine Podcast Episode 2

We're back with the second episode of the Human Sunshine Podcast!

In today's episode, Sunny is joined again by her best friend Brittany and they continue the discussion of her previous marriage, how she was able to gain the strength to leave and Sunny's tremendous strength resilience!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Lord, we just pray that we can get everything out today. You just take away all of our anxiety, God, and just let us uh be able to speak freely and candidly and help people help people at the end of the day. Um just lead them to this podcast, whoever needs to hear it, God, and just uh help us get our mission across to women who are struggling with the same thing that Sunny has. Hello, welcome back to the Human Sunshine Podcast. I am your co-host, Brittany Maurer. And I'm Sunny Waddell. Uh welcome back. Episode two. Yep. Um, we dove deep in a lot of things last time that we kind of want to dive a little bit deeper into today. Um you had mentioned last time about kind of substance abuse and um an affair that had happened. So I kind of want to touch on those things. Um I feel like because I've known you for so long, like when people think substance abuse, like you think like, oh yeah, you're an alcoholic or you're doing all those things, but I never really felt like you were those like stigmas of like an alcoholic. Like you definitely had a drinking problem, and I had seen you at my lowest some low points. Um I remember, yeah, like you just being so just down and upset, and I feel like it was very circumstantial. Yeah. Um I feel like if you weren't experiencing everything that you were going through, like you wouldn't have been using that to cope. I feel like that 100% was like your coping mechanism during that time. Um, but yeah, like it I've never seen you like that. Like to the point where I was having to like physically grab drinks out of your hand because my friends have seen me like that ever. And you did.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Yeah. You did physically grab a drink out of my hand. Yeah. I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah. So um, yes, that was what I thought was a solution to, you know, I don't know that I thought it was a solution to a problem, but it definitely was something that I leaned on like tremendously. And it was so wrong, and I regret it. Um, and it didn't make one day better, not one moment better. It was, it only got me in a much more lonely, darker place. Also, you know, I will say now that it definitely armed, you know, my husband with a whole lot more against me. And it it just depends maybe on who you have around you at that point, like at a really low point, like you, you know, you saw it and you were like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. You this, you know, like you were helpful in that sense, you know, but uh it it is a tough place to be when you're really, really that down and you don't have support and you really don't know what's going on. Um I think it sounds very cliche, but I know that was like something I was doing to numb, I didn't want to feel anything like at all. I just was like, if I take a drink or have this drink, or you know, it will make me feel nothing. And that's also not not great. So it was a very, yeah, difficult time.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

Do you have like recollection of like the sequence of events that led to that point where you're just like, I'm freaking done. Like I need an outline.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Done drinking or when it started. When it started. For me, 100%. I noticed after his first suicide attempt, this person's like dying in my arms, and I'm doing CPR and I don't even know how to do that, and you're still not it just was traumatizing to say the least. And my children are upstairs. I mean, this is like there's just so much going on that you just can't, you cannot like process it, right? So after that, I after that happened, like the next day or two, like once he woke up from a coma, the next couple days, you know, we had like everyone over at the house, like family, and it's this like joyous time, like Sonny, you saved his life, and like, oh my gosh. And we're telling everyone this was an accident. And what that did in that time for me in that home, like 100%. I just remember being at that, like where everyone was at our house, and I remember standing back thinking, like, we are telling everyone that everything in this home is an accident. And and now we're saying this is an accident.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Yeah, and it's just like a it's like a repeating cycle. Like there was never any accountability. It's like it lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

Lie cover up and so much. Like, and I could not, I could not understand it anymore. I couldn't take it, but I also couldn't like out that. You know, it was like I went back to work, like I think I went back to work like the next day. I literally went right back into work because that's what I knew how to do.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

I was one of the very few people that you actually called the day that it happened. Yeah, and you were so like beside yourself. But yeah, from the start, I was like, you know me. I'm like, went to school for law enforcement. So I'm like, what happened? Tell me all the details. Like, what do you mean this happened? Like it just didn't make sense in my head, even. So it was like I always had those more questions and like, okay, like it like it just doesn't seem like the story made sense. Well, and knowing what I know now, it's like, yeah, it was it was never the truth.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

It was never nothing was the truth. Right, you know, and this is like again the snowball of lies that you're telling. And it's just like, but you but you think, or I thought, you know, these lies are actually going to like protect my family. At the end of the day, this is all gonna be okay and we're gonna protect. That's what I'm doing. But really, it w it was like t taking my soul away. Like I couldn't, I couldn't do it anymore. And I I knew this was not an accident from the first time I laid eyes on him on the bench press. I knew it wasn't an accident, but we didn't say that.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

So, and you know, even in the hospital going there after he woke up, you know, I when I get there and you know, the doctor is like with him and I both, and she puts his hand on him and she explains what substances he was under during this time that I was not aware of. Yeah. I it was just like we didn't talk about it, like we just didn't, and we just moved on, and he's alive, so that's grace of God, right? Like this is all that matters. But yes, that was just a very, you know, I I didn't process that Brit till like a very long time after in therapy. And I I don't know, I just wanted to move on, and so did he. Um, but I noticed like very shortly after there, like even doing like homework with the kids, it was like we had this walk-in pantry and there'd be like, you know, wine, and I don't even really like wine that much. And it would I would like take a sip of wine and then come back and do homework. And this this that is like the start so small of just like, you know, you're you're doing this thing that's like you think it's helping you, but it's actually tearing everything even more so down. And like I said, your mind isn't clear then, and you can't process. And um, and then on top of that, when whatever's happening in this marriage is um it just it was a mess. It was really difficult and very confusing at that time. And and honestly, looking back, like the drinking led to me calling someone after something that would happen. Now I'm like calling someone like this just happened, and now now this they're now they're concerned about the kids or they're calling the police. Like it was never me that's calling the police saying I never reported anything that happened ever. So that led to that. So um, but yes, it it was a hard, hard lesson for me to learn, and it and it put me, you know, it got me and the kids in bad circumstances and him too. Um, b on both both of us, you know. Yeah, it was just not the right thing to do.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

The physical abuse was happening to you, but the emotional abuse was happening to the kids too. For sure. I mean, yeah, like destroying bedrooms and even just them witnessing abuse and verbal abuse to you, that's like traumatizing.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

It it was. It I feel like that was like such a it's so weird because you know how I am. Like I I don't know what people look at me from the outside, but people who know me, like I'm not a flashy person. Like I'll be wearing the same Nike as you know for like two years. Yeah. Like I am not like that. Yeah. However, that home, you know, like he purchased that home without me even seeing it, you know, and he's like, it's got a six-car, a six-car driveway. And I'm like, but but we don't have six cars. And like it was so much home. And I remember saying that, like I felt it before it was beautiful, but it was like, this is too much. Like we're all spread apart in the home. I don't know, it just felt like it was just too much stuff.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

Like that's kind of like your whole relationship with him, though. It's like he just would throw money at the problem. And I feel like it was like his subconscious way of trying to like make things right from abusing you was like, I'm just gonna like buy all these flashy things and make it look like so picture perfect from the outside, but like behind closed doors, yeah, it was a completely different story.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

Yes, but I am responsible for that too, because you know, after things would happen, it was like, well, let's take the kids to like a penthouse or let's go to honey, you know, let's go to these hotels and things. And so, yeah, because your mind starts to go from let's get out of this dark mo moment and and you're gonna like now build this. Band-aids on everything. Right. But see, I my mind did not like think that way before. It was like, okay, this is better.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

But is it really you didn't realize like how like no psychologically like crazy that is, where it's like, yeah, you bring it from like this bad moment, and instead of like working through those emotions, it's like let's just mask it and just distract and just go have fun.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

And God knows, like I did not know what that would would have done to the was doing to the kids. Like that, like I, you know, I have so much guilt of like what we did in that that way to their little minds, like like the the that time, you know, the time he really wrecked that home. Like, I mean, he took like a baseball bat to every room, every picture, every like I walked out of that marriage with absolutely nothing. And in that home, the kids seeing all of that, you know, um, obviously I was terrified, they were terrified, it was it was crazy. And the next morning when he came home, you know, Gia, she's like, no filter, she's like you. She just asked him, you know, Daddy, why did you break everything in our home? Like, I did not know she was gonna ask him that. And I was terrified when she said that. I'm like, oh God. Yeah. And he just said, because daddy's a very, very bad man. You know, like again, this is this is okay, that that might be true, but this is not what you tell a five-year-old in this moment. Um, and I was I didn't even know how to like manage. No, I didn't not, I didn't know. You're not I'm not saying anything at this point. Like, yeah, I'm just like, you want me submissive, like you got her, you know, like which is terrible because that's not really who I am. And um yeah, I I I regret I regret not just leaving, honestly, at that point. Like I could have figured it out.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

You're you're out, but you were still so emotionally like invested in trying to repair your marriage, even though it was clearly not healthy.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Well, yeah, and I think you know, I don't know how other people if this could resonate with anyone, but I come from a broken family, and I like was gonna be damned that I was gonna do that. You know, my family was like, no, this is like God put us together, we're gonna work this out no matter what. And and relentlessly, relentlessly just trying to survive, but also, yes, trying to keep that unit together no matter what it looked like, because I couldn't, I just couldn't um, you know, I couldn't like settle on the fact of like I'm just gonna walk away from this. Like I've known this guy since forever and I know there's good in there, but like the bad is really like tipping on the other side of the side. Yeah, like I at that point. Because it wasn't like bad, it was like very dark, like a darker side that I was seeing. Yeah. That I didn't know that I if I could like fix that part, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

Well, and I know you've told me so many times it's like you felt like if you left the kids were gonna resent you for breaking up the family, even though like the kids, I mean, they're still so young, like they don't understand that it's like, yeah, if you're in an abusive relationship or an unhealthy marriage, like the safest, smartest thing to do is leave. And that's like better in the long run. But at that point, like they were still so young and they didn't really understand that. And you felt so much guilt from like leaving. So I feel like that is one of the main reasons why you stayed for so long, is and then you have him just instilling and drilling into your head too, using your own like religion against you. God hates divorce, God hates all these things, and it's like with like so many things working against you, and it wasn't until you realized like it even we've we've gone deep into scripture about these things, like like it says like straight up in the Bible, like if the covenant is broken due to violence and all of these things, like it's not frowned upon to leave. Like, you know, it had already been broken, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:46

And yeah, and it and it was, and and again, like you know, my part too in this with with the covenants that I broke as well, and the guilt of that, like he was not going to. I honestly believe, like after his first arrest and after like my affair, I honestly believe like there was deep hatred for me, and that was dangerous for me and them and the kids because it was not gonna, it was like I couldn't recover. And that was like the next couple years of what I was trying to do is like let me see your heart. I can't see your heart anymore. Like what, but I it's like once that person is like going against you, I feel it. You know, my intuition is strong. Yeah, it is, and I felt it and he knew that, and I just wasn't strong enough to to get away after that that suicide attempt in that corona home. Um, it wasn't too it wasn't too long after that that his first arrest happened. Once that happened and the kids, you know, uh were now not there, yeah, obviously. Um you were taken by CPS, yes, for failure to protect on my end. Um, and then there were allegations in that report of substance. I've never tested negative or sorry, never tested positive for drugs ever one time since I've had CPS in my life, not one time. Right. Um, I think I failed like two alcohol tests later. Yeah. But but um those allegations had to be like smashed right away. And I continued to take more and more testing electively because I just knew that if I if I did that and had it documented, they would know. Yeah. And I do believe at the end of the day, as hard as it was to get through CPS, I do believe that they were on my side. I with they were on the kids' side first, and then it's their job to protect kids from a situation.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

They don't care like they don't what you're doing. It's like if you're not going to make the hard decision that first time CPS ever, ever even called.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

Like I didn't even know what CPS was. I didn't, you know. So they call and I'm with him, and then they're like, Well, we're gonna come to your house in an hour. And I'm like, what the what is this? You know? And so I asked him, you know, do you know anything about this? And that was in the truck that day, he hits my head against the truck wall, throws my purse out onto the freeway. This is like moments before I'm supposed to meet with people and look totally normal to tell them that I'm a great mom and he's a great dad. And you know, so I we did that, and I I answered all their questions, tested for them that day, and he's right upstairs listening to the whole conversation. It just was so, and I remember that one of the workers asked me, it was just so many lies that they knew. She was like, Have there been like walls punched, like holes punched in walls, or like and I'm like, Well, this is like uh every Tuesday we're gonna say this happens, but I did notice that like two days prior, he had had all like a crew people fixing all the holes. It's like I don't know if he'll ever tell me if he knew or it doesn't matter, but yeah, I was lying to them, like right to their face, like no, that's never happened.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

They I mean they had to know, so it was again just like they were getting that information what was happening from someone, right?

SPEAKER_00 17:00

And that and it is true, because it is true, and it was true, and it was happening, and it was horrible for the kids to have to see this broken everything everywhere. And I think little by little that stuff just starts to I mean, I cannot say it any better than like it just mentally starts to tear you down. And I would imagine it did the same for the kids, you know, your your everything is broken, your rooms are broken, your Barbie house is broken, your holes in walls. Like that is not it's just not you can't sustain that for for so long. So as much as you want to be happy and you want to keep running your kick ass business and you want to be all these things, like you just can't keep going that way. So, you know, anyway, uh we put that house up for sale. Yeah. Because I wanted to show CPS, you know, we're gonna part ways and we we kind of did we decided to do that together. So I think the the tipping point was the accident. So the the car accident. That's like 2022 when that accident happened, like before I even got that apartment. So like when we were in escrow selling the home.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

Yeah, because I was I remember talking to you.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

It was like the close of escrow. Yeah, it was like I came back and it's like, oh God, finally. It was like, okay, I can kind of see the light. Okay, you're finally ready. You're telling me we're talking to the realtor. I'm gonna get a certain amount of money from the sale of the house, and I'm gonna have like a little nesting that I can start over. And then it was like you get into the apartment, and then it was like things that you were telling me weren't actually happening.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

No, and I'll tell you what exactly happened. So that that again, the timeline, I for I forget it until it's like said this way, but yes, we that was all true. We were in escrow for the home.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

The the the And like even dumb shit like him refusing to sign like loan box, like he was still actively working against you even during that time.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

So in selling the home, my client was our like a great client, was uh our escrow. You know, we were in escrow with her, and yes, we were gonna, I had told him, let's just split this money, like because it was a decent amount of money. I'm like, let's just split it and whatever. And this is her recommendation, mine. He did not want to do that. And going to the notary, he like freaked out and didn't want to go. And I'm calling her. It just was all this chaos constantly. It's like nothing can just go smooth, and I don't know why. But anyway, I'm telling her this, and he didn't want to split the money, so I really don't know what happened. Like, I guess the escrow was just in escrow, but we we were out of that home, and I had not gotten into the apartment yet, and that's when I got run over by the car. When I got run over by that car, it was in Torrance. I went to UCLA, obviously, the uh emergency unit or whatever unit, trauma unit. I was there for six nights, seven days, and it was like day two or three. He walked into the hospital room and was like, check your bank account, check your bank account, and I was like, What? And I checked my like bank account and all that money was in my account. Like, I didn't ask for that ever, nor did I want that at all. Yeah, you know, and his mom came right away. It was like, it was just that was the moment. I'm not kidding you, that is the moment in that hospital room. I swear, I swear, that is the moment where I looked at him and I remember thinking, like, you are never leaving this person because will I ever really know if that was an accident? I don't know because I couldn't see his face. Do I think it probably wasn't? Probably not. However, I watched him and his mom maneuver the way they did, talking to people in there, and I was just like, he it you were.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Yeah, he felt like the retaliation against you for trying to leave would be worse than the abuse that you were facing in those day-to-day lives.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

It was just ultimate fear. That's all I can tell you. Ultimate fear. And now, like my kids are on the line and I'm like here with what 12 broken bones.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

And dude, I I know you and I went and got the hospital report together because in our in our healing phase, her healing early phase, it was like, what do you mean that you've never like read these things?

SPEAKER_00 21:14

I've never read the voice report because I'm always there.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

So I it was like, no, we're gonna go. I wanna know like exactly what had happened, and like you're gonna start healing and educating yourself on these matters because it does matter. Like, if you want to move on, like you need to be able to like kind of close these chapters so that you can like move forward and like reading that, it was like this thick. I know it was insane. I'm like, there's no way that this amount of damage was caused by somebody accidentally.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

Well, and what I will say, and this like this would get no one in trouble now because it's you know, past, but I will say that like going so we did have dinner that night in like Hermosa Beach before the accident happened, but like maybe like two drinks max each both of us had. However, after that, he went into another restaurant on his own. I stayed in the car and he was drinking in that restaurant. You know, it's like whatever. But you he was angry when he came out. I know this. And what I always have told you, and what what people may or may not like or need to look for, because I didn't back then, but I see this now. Yeah, and it's our education of like the science to help other people. Right. So it's the reaction.

SPEAKER_03 22:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

It is like the reaction of the person doing whatever that they're doing. Like no matter what it is, if it's a kick in the stomach, if it's a kick up my ass, if it's a hit across my face, whatever, whatever was happening, like the reaction that he would give is beyond shocking. It's like nothing. No remorse. No, no, less than that. It's it's like I don't know how to explain it. It's almost like I felt bad for him because there was nothing there. Like, you know, like I can't explain it. It's like this the rage you see in the face and you you feel it, you know. That that I felt, but the the aftermath of like directly after, he would either run, like leave, like whatever premises we're on, he would like leave. Yeah. So I'm alone.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

Or like in in the matter of the car accident, like I remember laying there on the asphalt, and he was very far away from me. And you know, I don't know that my lung is punctured and I'm bleeding from the inside. I have no idea. I've never broken a bone in my life until that day, ever. So I'm laying there and I just kept saying, Call 911, like please call 911.

SPEAKER_01 23:33

Like I know now, like a normal person's reaction is if you run somebody over by a car, you call an ambulance right away.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

Yeah, no. Like you render aid right away. Yeah, that did not happen. And I don't know if he like called his mom first or what was happening, but I just kept saying, like, I I have to like you knew you were hurt uh badly. Yes, it was the worst pain ever. And I just knew something was very like badly wrong. Um, but again, yes, it's like the reaction to that is also creates more fear in you because you're like, what did I do wrong? Is this my fault now? Like always thinking it's my fault, like always, you know, and even if, even if I ran over a stuffed animal and it is my fault, like I'm still running over to that stuffed animal, like helping like if it was an accident, you would think that the reaction would have been to render aid immediately if you accidentally do something.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

But the fact that like that didn't happen makes it feel like it was calculated.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

Yeah, it felt, it felt like I just was scared. Yeah, you know, at first I was scared because I didn't know if I was gonna like I honestly didn't know if I was gonna like live through that. I did not know. I was in so much pain. Um, it was just awful. And then at that point, you know, like as always, like I swear every time it's like his mom is just there within seconds. I don't know how where she was, like always just there. And it's like they're off doing their thing, and I'm sure they were talking because this looks bad. And how are we gonna help him through it? Yeah, I was just alone. I was alone in the hospital bed. I was like not knowing what was going on. Like it was just really difficult. And what sucks too is that, like, like I said, we had two drinks before. Yeah, like someone please get the receipt for that restaurant. It's like it was not this is not like a matter of me, me drinking above and beyond what like normal a couple would do, right? However, on the on like the medical report, of course they're they're gonna take my so there's alcohol. There was like a small amount of alcohol in my system, which fine, but we're not testing yours. How you got away. And you weren't the one driving. No, I wasn't. But like it again, for me, it just makes me, it's the shame of like, oh my gosh, I shouldn't have had any. I wish I never drank ever. Right. Ever. Yeah because it's like, dude, all that did was like make things look worse for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Well, and at the at the hospital too, wasn't a car delivered. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A brand new car delivered. Let's throw more, throw more money, I don't know, more gifts at it's it's something that happened. It's just it's it's like too many coincidences. Like whether or not that is like the way that he was trying to do stuff. Like it's it's a pattern to me. Like it's it's every time something bad happens, it's like he's just trying to pull you in by like giving you bright, shiny things as like his apology, because he's never once apologized for any of the things that he's done to you. So it's like that was like his way of apologizing, is I'm just gonna like, we're just gonna get new things, and it's like, oh, like everything's gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Yeah, and I think what and yeah, and again at the time you're just like, we're just going with this, right? Like, we're just gonna go with this because this is what we do. And no, like absolutely not. Like you for for anyone, like God, I hope that no one is ever in like this dire of a situation because when you are and you are only told to trust one person, right? Like it's the it's like the last thing you should do. Like because um, and that that breaks like for me, like trust issues. Obviously, now it's like God, you know, I trust you like completely, yeah and good people around me. But when you're told to just trust one person and nothing seems to be going the right way, everything actually seems to be like backsliding like tremendously. Um you gotta be really strong and have some really, really good support to be able to pull you through that. And um, if you don't have that, and and I wouldn't say that I didn't have my faith there, like I always all God I feel like has always been with me, but I definitely wasn't looking, seeking that way, and I wish I did then too, you know. Um, but yeah, just just a really chaotic, bad situation that could have ended even worse. Yeah, and I'm obviously glad, you know, it it ended the way that it did. You're fair.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

What at what point of like the relationship did that happen and kind of how did that transpire?

SPEAKER_00 27:58

Um biggest regret of my life, 100%. Um I've made amends to that person as well. We are still good friends to this day. Um someone that I've known since I'm 19. Um and honestly, honestly, it was a friendship that yeah, I leaned on too much and it shouldn't have crossed that line, and it did. And um this happened when we lived in the other corona home. So like I don't know, 2021. I think it was like right after COVID, maybe. Was this before or after his first attempt? Before. Okay. Before. Which again, like the guilt I had for this affair after that, I was like told everything was my fault. Everything was my fault, and I believed it. And I still do to this day, like I still feel like that rocked, you know, our marriage. But but there were things already obviously happening prior to. But yeah, I wish, you know, I if I could go back, obviously I would not have done that.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Um but you finally had like had like a safe space that you felt, so it's like you've got to not feel like so much guilt because you were dealing with still like so much just darkness and yeah, but I could have left not safety.

SPEAKER_00 29:20

Yeah, I but again I could have left, you know. So it is what it is, it's like in the past, and um, but yeah, huge regret. Like I don't recommend that in any marriage. It just it's um it's hard to get through, and then you know, I didn't realize like the shame and guilt I would feel for that, and and and after that was um a lot of um degrading me at any time, like that stuff I hadn't seen before. Um, like the physical stuff was like one thing, and yes, I know I thought it was like totally normal, it's totally not normal, but the degrading part of it and the verbal stuff like after the affair was like I and telling my kids, our kids, like specific things that were like children should never hear. Um I I didn't know what to do with that either. You know, it was like very difficult for me to like walk through. However, at that point, again, that was just solidifying the fact of like Sonny, you have to recover this. Like, this is your fault, your fault, you have to recover, you know, it you this is your doing. So it it honestly was worse timing because uh it just got me into like a more backed against the wall place, you know, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 30:37

Yeah, I know that like after you had said like the things that he was saying to the kids were like super like X-rated. X-rated. Like I that that alone to me is like abuse to the children.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

Like it was hard, you know, and then to have them come ask me, like, mommy, what does this mean? When you know, I was just like, oh my gosh, um you know it it was, yeah, I horrible, like horrible. And um, yeah, I don't know. I don't know why he did that, and maybe people do that, but I I was like not equipped to handle that with the kids. Like, and I had told my husband, I would have always told our kids about this affair, always, because I always want when they're old enough to understand and to help five, no, and to help them in their life and their relationships, I would always be like honest with them at the appropriate time. Right. This is not the appropriate time to be doing this. Yeah, these are grown-up conversations, and to be saying these things like it, it's just wrecking, you know, them. And and um, you know, after my affair, it was like, of course, you know, obviously he was, you know, not faithful, faithful in his first marriage, and that's fine. And uh after my affair, it was like game on, you know, and he was going to just taunt me and you know, mouth the names across the kitchen to me, and like I don't know if it's Melody, Megan, I don't know what you're saying, but you he loved that, like doing that to me. So again, it's like so wrong. Well, it's like see, I don't even it's like I get it though. I I I understand two wrongs don't make a right. No, they don't, but like how often do we do that in life, right? We like you're you're you're he couldn't you don't retaliate against your wife and like like try to get back at her. I mean it's like a natural reaction, I think, but either way, I was okay with it. I was like, get it out of your system, do what you need to do. Again, I'm like, this'll all just be uh, you know, this like cycle that we went through, and we'll look back on it one day and go, God, I can't believe we made it through that. Truly, that was like what my mind thought. But no, you know, it was too much. It was just too much with everything else happening. And I um I just couldn't, I just couldn't like I couldn't like manage my own feelings, I couldn't manage the kids' feelings altogether and and I and and trying to like help him or or I just couldn't do it all. Like I really couldn't. So that was it was difficult.

SPEAKER_01 33:13

Yeah, you know. So you're now at an apartment. Did you still have your salon at the time?

SPEAKER_00 33:21

Um, I did not, but I reconnected with one of my both landlords, and um one of them, the my main one, um, the other one, it was like my second location. We had, she's like, just put the keys in the lockbox, like, you know, we'll call it fine. Okay, so we did that, and he was with me that day. I did that. Um, but my main location, yeah, I went to the landlords, kind of explained to them, like, hey, this, and like explained what was going on, just like tough times, like I'm ready to come back. And, you know, they they loved me, like always pay my rent on time. Like, obviously, good tenant, brought a lot of business to that that space. Um, she said, yeah. You know, I paid her like 20 grand that day, um, which he like nearly killed me for. He was so angry, but I just knew that was the right move at that time, like to get back in. And so keep your business afloat. Right. And so I did, and they gave me new keys and I went back in. Um, I had like two girls at that time that were still kind of there.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

And so what happened like up until that point, like that you just like the business kind of just like slowed down and people were leaving, or like what I think what transpired to get to that point where you were like on the edge of losing it.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

Yeah, this is a language that we would have to I'd have to hear from, you know, most of the the girls, but I can only speak for what it probably looked like was what it was. It was complete fucking chaos. Like this, this, you know, I'm a sole owner here. I don't have partners. You know, I built this business from the ground up. I, you know, did so much in here, and then and then all of a sudden, like, where's she at? Well, I don't even know where I'm at. Like, I'm dealing with family suicide, like I'm doing dealing with so much stuff. Now the law's involved, and it just I again I could not manage like the the sunny that I was and this like badass. I what did not feel like that anymore. I felt like I was less than zero. Um at that point, it was like I'm in the fight of my life for my children, like and and trying to recover this situation and still figuring out how to keep him happy at the same time. Um, so going back in there, it's like my heart and my soul wanted it, but I just wasn't strong enough to do it. And then, like right when I got back in there, the salon, I don't even know if I told you that it like got broken into. Yeah, yeah, and then I'm just like, God, it just seemed like the hits kept coming and um I simply wasn't ready. Yeah, I simply wasn't ready. Yeah, and that sucked for the livelihood of those girls, yeah, because they know I loved them all, I supported them all, um, always encouraged them and truly, like I think I said on the last episode, I never ever, you know, when people like post these things like, oh, boss, babe, like I was like, those girls are lame. Like, I'm never that way. You know that? I'm very much prideful, never always in the trenches with these girls. Like I'm working just as much, if not harder, than you guys are on the back end, on the front end for everything, you know, and a lot goes into those businesses. They were not small, they were big. And um I think again, I there was a lot of shame there too. And um, and and so I don't blame him for that because that that was my business.

SPEAKER_01 36:55

And yeah, but you had, I know that you've told me that you had like some of your stylists saying that they were like uncomfortable with him being there, and like that even some of the stylists had even like taken you off and had like private conversations, like worried about you and your well-being. So I do feel like that had a huge factor into the demise of the business was like other people, like you couldn't see it at the time, but like they could see that something was wrong and that you weren't necessarily safe all the time. And it was causing them to not feel safe anymore in their own work environment.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

That is true, and it's it's it's so interesting because like for me, like you know how like my work ethic is it's like this is my dad's work ethic, is just built in me. So you just like the moment you park your car and you're going in those doors, like it's just game on, right? And nothing else matters besides making people look and feel beautiful from the moment they walk in until the time they leave. This is our mission, this is what we do, and this is what I'm good at. And it's also something I thought would kind of again, like a not a band-aid, but like you just keep going. And um, and I could not do that. So yeah, it's not that I didn't like see that that was happening, but like, you know, I'm being told to wear like long sleeve turtlenecks in like the summer. Yeah. So right?

SPEAKER_01 38:18

It's so after a point that's like 100 degrees outside, and people are like everyone's in shorts and flip-flops and you're showing up in winter.

SPEAKER_00 38:26

Yeah, and so yes, then it's like the day you take your jacket off. It's like someone's like, What the fuck is all over your body? Like, what is going on? So, and and when you get approached like that, like it's not that I don't know what's happening, but yeah, when someone faces you that way, you're almost like, what do you what? It then it's like, what do you do? What do you say? Yeah, and this becomes probably more lies.

SPEAKER_01 38:53

And well, yeah, you are conditioned to lie about everything.

SPEAKER_00 38:56

So it's like shit. And so for the girls, yeah, they were um concerned to say the least, and they also, you know, didn't see a great side of me. And um that's why I say I don't blame him. It this was like chipping away at me, probably way more than I knew. But but my like get up and go attitude was like, this is just what you do. You put one foot in front of the other and like you're gonna tackle this like you tackle everything else. And up until this point in my life, Britt, like I had not had a downfall ever in life. It was like I'm always on the up and up, right? Like, and I'm working hard, but I'm always on the up and up.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

But yeah, things can only, it's like a like a bottle. Like you can only shove so many things in there until it's eventually gonna be full and explode. So it's like I find you finally like hit that peak where it's like things just started unraveling.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

Right. That's exactly like they've they slowly were like, and probably before I noticed it, they were like unraveling. And like you were mentioning me like not showing up or being late, like that stuff was like terrible and um not was not in my character prior to that. And it and it was it was falling apart like all around me, you know, and I and I do believe, I still believe to this day, a lot of those girls they supported me. They did, but they saw me like not supporting myself, yeah, and and making bad decisions. And so they're just like, Yeah, you want to take this route, like you take this route, we're not gonna support that. Yeah, and I completely understand that because I don't know what I would do with an owner that you would look up to and then falls apart.

SPEAKER_01 40:29

And that kind of goes into a topic that I want to talk about is just like like how how does someone, let's just say me, for example, because I'm here and I can speak, you know, first perspective, like when you know that someone in your life is going through those things, like how can you help them? Or what do you even do? Because uh, I know for me, like you and I have known each other for over 10 years, and it's like I knew what was going on.

SPEAKER_02 40:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

And we'd we were comfortable enough in our friendship that you would tell me the things that were going on. And I did my best to give you advice during that time and you know, try to help you get out of that point. Yeah. Um, but there were times in our friendship where, you know, I just it was so much that I did. I had to like step away. And it's not that I don't give a shit about you or that I'm not worried about you. I'm freaking worried about you every damn day. Like, but it's like I have my own life and my own kids and my own family and business that I have to protect. And it's like you just keep having these same conversations, like it's even like it's it goes hand in hand with addiction. It's like someone isn't going to get help unless they want to get help, and you weren't at that point that you were ready to leave him and you know, listen to the advice and get out of that situation. So it's like, you know, if we have listeners that are listening and they're in like the trenches, like don't give up, but you also have to protect your own peace. Yeah. At the end of the day. And so I know that there were times where it's like I would, you know, text you to check on you and you wouldn't respond, or very short conversations. I'm like, oh, she text me back, I know she's alive. Yeah, like those feelings where it's like just that simple text message coming back. It's like it's scary. Like it's because you don't know, like you're not, you don't see this person every day. Right. You know what's going on behind closed doors, but you still have like that pit of your stomach that one day you're gonna get like a phone call or you're just not gonna answer, and then you're gonna see on the news that like something's wrong.

SPEAKER_00 42:37

Yeah, and I'm I'm sure that that was the case for a lot of people that were close to me, and I totally get it. And my advice to like those friends is do exactly what you did. You know, you you have to protect your family first, right? But I always knew that you were there and you never bullshitted me. You never you were straight up, you were hard on me, you're still hard on me.

SPEAKER_01 42:59

You like hated some of the conversations that we would have. I know you would like look at me like a joe in the headlights, like, because I couldn't get it. Like you, you were wanting me to give you your answer so badly that when I gave you the complete opposite, you're like, why am I even freaking talking to you? You're not gonna agree with me. Why are we even friends? Like, because I wouldn't tell you what you wanted to hear, because what you wanted to hear was not the freaking truth, right?

SPEAKER_00 43:25

I know, and it was not, I know, and and and I think being that way ultimately, like it's just like this tough love, but you have love.

SPEAKER_01 43:33

It was genuinely wanting to give you the good advice, right? Not just like sugarcoat it and tell you what you wanted to hear because that wasn't gonna help. This is it's this isn't gonna help. Like, you've been sugarcoated and candy coated and lied to your whole marriage. Like, you need somebody that's gonna tell you all that is BS. Like, what you're believing and what you've been told is not the truth, and I don't give a shit how much you. Love this person, they don't have your best intention at heart. And I do.

SPEAKER_00 44:05

Yeah. No, I know. And that's what I could never ever until like pretty recently like say, you know, like you just don't want to believe it. That's the thing. You just don't want to believe it. Yeah. And it's not about the the it's not about the home and the even the businesses. It's not about any of that. It's about, it's a, it's really about like my heart. You know, my heart was like, I could not understand that concept. Yeah. I couldn't understand. There's no way that this person's like gonna be this way. But it was happening, you know, and for sure it was not for my good. And yeah, and whatever that means with me, like that is my children. Yeah. So where I'm at now, like you know, I will die for writer and Gia. Oh yeah. Like you are I am will protect them with everything that I have. Like now, now you created, you just reignited the fire that I always knew I had in me, but was out for so long. Yeah. Because I couldn't see straight. And like that, I needed someone like you to, yes, you you were distant at times and and you needed to be, but but I did know that you were always there. So I think that's probably the best way to be with someone who's not gonna listen to you because they're so in it. Yeah, like you know, like you said the other day, I would tell you, like, yeah, I'm not seeing him, and then you were like, and then I'm like, oh, he just brought us food, and you're just like you, I was not ready, and I will I just wasn't ready, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:26

So and then I feel like when I came back, I mean it was like sporadic, you know, we would still connect and stuff, but when I came back, it was like in the thick of it. When I like really, really came back, it was like I could see everything spiraling out of control, and it was like if I don't kind of suck it up and take over, take over, like you're gonna be on a Netflix show for like your husband murdering you and your family because it was like it was getting scary to the point that I was like, if I don't get involved, something bad is going to happen, and bad things were happening, yeah, yeah, and that that yeah, bad things were happening, and you I am so glad that you stepped in because that took a lot of strength, and I know it pulled you away from your family and think, God, your family loves me and I love them.

SPEAKER_00 46:21

Like they see me, but it's like, yes, that was a lot to ask of you to do that, and I'm sure you just knew like there's no way, yeah, there's like no way out at that point.

SPEAKER_01 46:33

And then, like, even at your corona house, that's when I really started getting more involved with you, and you know, going to the the apartment, um, helping you with the kids, because at this point you had the kids for for a little bit. Um, and it was like going in and you're telling me these things like, oh, he was here and he changed the locks because he broke the last one. And I'm looking at the lock and it was a keyed lock from the inside. Right. So you needed a physical key to unlock the apartment door from the inside. And immediately I was like, that is so dangerous because number one, he could lock you in here. Or if we lost the key and it's my biggest thing was he can lock you in here and not let you out. Right. If you don't have that key and he locks it from the outside, you and the kids are trapped in this apartment. Yeah, that was scary. And God forbid there's a fire that you're stuck inside and you're not, you weren't on the ground floor, you were up like two or three flights. Yeah. And so I immediately went to Home Depot, brought my drill, brought all the supplies to the apartment and changed the lock. And I was like, you and I are the only ones now that will have a key to this apartment because I was like at that point, I think I was just so pissed at you and the situation and especially at him. But it was like, like, if I don't start like intervening and saying, fuck this, like enough is enough, dude. Like I'm not giving you an option anymore. Right. Like, like you have your kids, and I'm going into like fight or flight mode now because it's like if if I don't step up and protect you and help you do these things, nobody will. Right.

SPEAKER_00 48:21

And nobody knew nobody like knew that was going on. Yeah. So you like that that's you definitely were like we were friends, but you were like, bitch, I'm running the show now.

SPEAKER_01 48:32

Like it's it was, and and that leads me to like the hardest point and decision that I've ever had to do, like morally in my life. You know, the night that you called me and you had came to my house a few days before that, and you were just complaining about like your back because an incident had happened and you could like barely walk. And I remember you staying the night at my house and just pumping you with a leave, just trying to get your muscles to relax because you were in so much pain that you like physically couldn't even like move. Yeah. And then I get a call and it was uh, was that the day that it was my wedding anniversary? No, that was different. That was different. Okay, so that was another day. This was in October. This was October. Okay, so shortly before. Okay, so October, I get a call from you, and you're like, I need you to get the kids from from school. I'm like in bed and I like physically can't get up. Yeah. So I leave my son's football game and I go pick the kids up, and I get to the apartment and you're there, and you're like in bed, and you like you were in bad shape. I was like, the like we need to call an ambulance. Like this, like something you call the ambulance? I did. Yeah. Um, I'm like, something is not right. But also with me calling the ambulance, I also called the police. I know. I remember looking at you. Um, and it wasn't to get you in trouble, it was to get him in trouble because it was like, how can this person like enough is enough? Like, he can't get away with this anymore. And I knew that you already had like a rocky past with CPS and you weren't supposed to be around him. So like I had that pressure on myself that I knew that my actions could open a whole nother can of worms for you in your life. And I remember we're sitting on the bed, and I told you I was like, um, I'm calling the police and I said I don't care if you hate me. I remember I remember like saying those words and like that being so hard because I really truly value our friendship. And I was like, as a mom, at this point, if you're not gonna stand up for yourself and these kids, I fucking will. Yeah. And um that was also the night that they had told me about the situation that happened at the hotel and that. Oh, right, and that they didn't feel safe.

SPEAKER_02 50:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:58

And I was like, if they're confiding in me about something that has happened and that they don't feel safe, like I now have an obligation, a grown-up, have an obligation to do what I need to do to protect them because they're children.

SPEAKER_00 51:17

Like they can't.

SPEAKER_01 51:18

You you're grown, like you're the one that's making these decisions. They can't. Yeah. So it's like if somebody's gonna step up, then it's gonna be me. So yeah, we did. I I called the ambulance that night and called the police, and that kind of did open up a whole can of hurt and hard times. And you and I have worked through it and talked about it because it's like you knew, like you were so pissed at me in that moment. It needed to happen. But you were so mad at me in that moment, but yet, like most people who are truly pissed off at somebody would just like completely stop speaking to them. I need you. Like you, you didn't run away from me. And that's when I knew, oh fuck, like I now that I've done this, like I can't leave. Yeah. Because most people, yeah, would be so pissed off and they would like be like, screw you and all of that, but you stuck around. And I'm like, that was the first time that I feel like I'm like, we're crossing, like we're finally like getting somewhere, and you're you're having these feelings now of maybe it is time for me to actually like leave and put myself first and protect my kids. And and from there, yeah, a whole police case was opened um for domestic violence, and unfortunately, CPS got involved again.

SPEAKER_00 52:43

Yeah. And you know, it's again with the lies, my God, I still at that point when CPS like came to visit me, like I of course I had told him, you know, like the police came and he was like mad, and yeah, but then CPS like comes into the apartment and the kids had like a school event, so I had to like race home to meet them there. And just blatantly, the workers like, so what happened on this night? And I'm like, nothing. I mean, like, I can't even believe, like hearing you right now, I'm just like, I cannot believe that I did such a disservice to my children, to myself, to you, like, I cannot believe like the the person that I was, or I was like not even. You were like myself.

SPEAKER_01 53:28

Like, I don't even know what I was doing.

SPEAKER_00 53:30

It was like you were just so and programmed to like hide, lie, and deceive that it was just like But see what h like right, but but like it that's why I say like I I don't ever I don't ever want to say the drinking was a good thing because it was awful. Yeah. I wouldn't have said like, you know, that like gave me like some type of I guess like to let my guard down to to say what was happening. I would I would have never told you about the lock. I would have never, you know, like you can't just leave an apartment with children, your own children there, and you break the lock off the door. Like we need to be able to shut our door at night and lock the door. Like, what is happening? Yeah. It those types of things like were not normal. And I of course, like I'm just like telling you, and you're like, this is absolutely crazy.

SPEAKER_01 54:13

Yeah, you like looked at me and I was like, I'm like, uh, that's not normal. That's getting changed, and you're looking at me like, what do you mean? Like, what's wrong with it? And then when I gave you five explanations on like why this was weird, even the police, when I showed them, they thought it was like super strange.

SPEAKER_00 54:29

And oddly enough, as you know now, because we just finished this case up, but like oddly enough, that evidence is just gone, deleted. Yeah, the body cams of my kids saying that they're afraid of this person were just deleted. I mean, it's so this is what had I not been strong going through this last case, that's the kind of stuff that would have put me back in a position of like, wow, I am this small. But I'm telling the truth. Yeah. But I'm I'm this small. Like, and and and they're not gonna call you, even though you were the witness and you're the one who called. Yeah. They don't, they didn't care about anything. It was like, we're gonna protect this person no matter what, which is like the most scary thing for me is that you know, it's fine, that's your life. Like, be protected, but my God, like what the kids and I had to like go through. Like, how did you ever think we were gonna survive this? Like, did you care? Did you what did you even care? You know? So, um, again, this is why like people just need, even if it's one person, there's gotta be someone that just fully supports you that you can confide in, that you can trust in. And and and again, like you said, you know, me not turning my back on you because I had done that before.

SPEAKER_01 55:41

Um, yeah, there were so many times that it's like, yeah, so much time would go by that we just wouldn't communicate. And it was just like you were just in full-blown isolation mode.

SPEAKER_00 55:50

Well, and if my phone would ever go off, like, you know, around him, it's like what he'll see.

SPEAKER_01 55:54

Oh, and his reaction to me was always fuck that bitch.

SPEAKER_00 55:57

Everyone it wasn't just you, it was anyone. So it was like, ugh, like I am just not going to speak or on to anyone or anything. It just it was the mess, you know, and that also is can really put someone in a in a very weird mental state because now you're just like, is this good? Is this bad? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 56:14

So from corona, all of this transpired, and then you call me and tell me after we just went through the ringer. I know, oh, I'm moving to Fallbrook. Like, yeah, what do you mean you're moving to Fallbrook? Like, we had just got you a suite that you could start doing hair again and build your business in Chino Hills, and I spent all that money on that. Spent all that money getting everything set up, and then you're like, it's fine, I'll just commute. Cause at this point you still have the kids with you. Yeah. And you're like, I'll just commute. And I'm like, what do you mean? Like Fallbrook's like two-hour drive from Chino Hills, and then you still have the kids that you have to like get to and from school. You're, I'm like, the timing, you're gonna have like one client that you can get, and then you're gonna have to turn around and drive straight back. Like, how is that gonna work? I was like, make this make sense. And I have no like communicate out there, I have no people. No, I couldn't make it make sense because it didn't make sense. The amount of times that like I'd get calls to go like help you pick up the kids, like because you were like a 20-minute drive for me. I'm like, I'm like, what do you mean? Like you at that point, I was like so nervous because I'm like, now, now you're like out of reach. We're out of reach totally. And if something happens, I can't just jump in my car and get to you or these kids. So at this point, I'm like so worried.

SPEAKER_00 57:34

Yeah, and I did not see that at all because what that was after the event the night you were with the police and the kids and the whole thing, like when CPS came back in to like question me about that incident, and I was like, nothing. Of course, they're just like, This chick is never gonna tell us the truth. Like right. So, so um, so we moved. So he was like, you know, I found this like beautiful home in the skated community in Fallbrook, and I'm like, Fallbrook, like never been, but I know we always said we were gonna retire in San Diego, so okay, like I don't even know, Brit. I just was like, it sounds like a fairy tale or something. I have no idea. It's gonna work, I guess. I don't know. So yeah, he gives me the address, tells me to go. You know, I get the keys like right away. The landlord's like, okay, and it just happened so fast. And I used the rest my retirement money to get in.

SPEAKER_01 58:30

At this point, you had drained all of your personal finances for this move that he initiated.

SPEAKER_00 58:38

Well, and and again, another thing that he told me was that I didn't have to tell, like, do you know you tell CPS you're moving? Which I didn't know either. He was like, Show me some paper that says you have to tell them you're moving. And I'm like, Well, I don't have a paper that says that, so I guess we don't. Oh, sure do. They showed up there too. Like, why didn't you tell us you moved? I'm like, huh? Yeah, like I didn't know that was like a thing, and I'm just trying to live my life and it's gonna be fine, you know. But yeah, so uh used all the money to get in there, and then um the I think it was the like I paid like the first last month's rent, whatever, and then and the rent was super high. It was like I think forty seven hundred dollars a month. Like, what are we doing, you know?

SPEAKER_01 59:18

But he always knows how to make a good living, and I was trusting that, you know, and then sure enough, the first time that goes into again of the financial abuse of the you're gonna use all of your money to move. Well, I'm sure and now we're gonna move you into this house that I'm gonna pay for, and you're like, okay, and now you're stuck.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

I'm just thinking of people listening to this are probably like at this point, and they are totally right, in being like, There is no way Sonny is this dumb. And the thing is, I am very naive and was just very trusting. But looking back again, like this is making me realize like, holy shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:00

Yeah, like the warning signs of all of these things, because yeah, one of the biggest reasons why people don't leave abusive relationships 100% is finances. Yeah. Because they don't have the money to sustain life outside of that relationship that they're in. So, like, that's financial control is is a huge reason why people stay.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:24

I didn't. And the first time that like it was he he it was his turn to like pay the rent, like he was not happy. Like it was this thing, it was just no, like I'm not paying that rent there. And I was just like, what?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:37

Like, what do you mean you moved us here? What do you mean you're not paying the rent?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:40

It was I can't even, it's like hard to talk about because that was like and that like Fallbrook, as you know, was like the darkest couple months for me. Like, I did not know it was awful.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:51

Like, I was like might as well not even be alive because I fell into like a deep depression. And I know that your drinking escalated a lot during that time. Like I had no idea what what to do, and and then from there you also had Vista. Yeah. So yeah. You had another another incident that had happened.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:10

Yeah, I forgot about that. And and the the you know, and I did want to mention, like, I did go to like a treatment center because I swear to God, I you look at the documents, I thought I was going there for like depression. That's what I was, but I knew I was drinking too, but I'm like, this is you know what I think I'm going there for. And and I remember telling you, like, I have nowhere to go. Like this landlord is evicting us. Yeah. And my husband's in the housing industry, and he's like, You're fine, you can stay there. And I'm like, this doesn't feel right. Like, I can't, what am I supposed to do? She's they're putting like signs on I yeah, I can't. And so, you know, I like go to the And you have no money, nothing, like literally nothing. Like, there is no way out of this, like at all. And no, I have no family around, like, no friend, like, no, there's no way out. So that was like what I thought a way out, which okay, this will be good, I'll go here. And he was just like, stay as long as you can there. And you know, that was like fine. I did everyone's hair there and like learned some things or whatever, but that's even at treatment, he was still visiting you. Yeah, yeah. Right. So yeah. But again, uh just looking back, like, I no wonder my parents are like so frustrated with me because they're like, you made every every bad decision possible, and you literally always made pretty good decisions, and like here I go, just checking every single box. And I did, you know, and I am like fully responsible for that because I'm an adult and I'm a mom and like I did these things, you know, and I I I wish that I didn't, and and I did, and and I just couldn't seem to like get it, get out of it or get straight, and I just didn't feel like myself anymore. I didn't have the strength, I didn't have like the the friend units I had, I didn't have my businesses, I didn't have any of that stuff to make me feel confident, and then have this this person who's just like crushing up my food when it gets set down in public or throwing drinks on me in public, like just every possible thing to degrade me or degrading my looks like all the time. It was like holy shit, like I feel like you have punished me enough. I I just don't feel like this is like it's I cannot take any more of this. So I you know, um, it's just yeah, it sucked. It totally, totally sucked there. And that was a very, very in my life, that was the darkest time in my life for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:28

So once you finished rehab, where did you go? Because at this point you were homeless, like you were already kicked out of your Fallbrook house, you had nowhere to go.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:37

Yeah. So I stayed with a friend in Orange County. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:41

And at this point, did you finally start realizing that like you needed to get out of that relationship?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:47

I wish I could say yes, but no, it took another few months. Um I no, it was a few more months um of seeing him and you know, going going through that until I was like really ready to walk away. But I did get into um this wonderful place called Laura's house in um Orange County, and um in going through all of like their classes there for domestic violence and all these things, like I was just you know, we had to share like on paper, and I thought we were just like writing things down, so it's like you're being honest, right? And so then it's going around, and then I realized that everyone had to like share what was on the paper. Uh-oh. No, literally what if I died, and I would always be sitting closest to the instructor, so I was like the last, and I was just like, Oh my gosh, there's no way like I I can say these things. So, anyways, after like two times of that, uh, these girls are looking at me like I have nine heads, like what the hell? And the instructor, they pulled me aside and they were like, Do you have an exit plan? And like, what is going on here? You know, and again, this is like they could see how bad the situation was that you were in. Yeah, and I'm I'm over here like, was this bad? Like, this is bad. And um, so that was happening, and then they they put me with this like incredible, incredible therapist named Dana. And she, I don't know how, but like it changed everything for me. Everything. That is the month, like that is the month that I walked away from him. And I continued with her for all that time, even going through like the last case. Like, she I was still seeing her, and she just was like, it was just such a real, honest, like person trying to remind me, like, you are worth way more than this. Like, what has happened shouldn't have happened, and you're worth way more than this. And it was almost like bringing me back to reminding me of the sunny that like I forgot that I had in me or that I thought that I was, and also she was super faithful, and that helped too. Like, her faith was so strong. And so we would pray together in there, and um, it like reignited a lot of that for me, and that changed everything for me.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:54

Well, and for those that are listening, like our biggest reason for us like doing this podcast. is to help other people. So it's like if you're in this situation and you are listening, reach out. Like that is that is the first step to do to help you get out of this situation is every city, every state, like there are so many resources. So many places, not just Laura's house. Like there are so many resources out there for people that are struggling with this. Make the call. Get the help. Like they don't be afraid they will help get you resources.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:26

And don't be afraid of opening up. Don't be afraid of opening up because you know the longer you take like the more just bad stuff that's happening during that time. So don't be afraid to like you know tell someone something and and and really and just just voice what you need. And these people, they've dealt with it all before they see it all before. Like I I think I'm lying to like judges and people, they know like they know you know but I'm over here like okay they're not gonna be yeah they're not gonna be shocked or surprised for anything that you tell them. No but truly I feel like if I someone who was as strong as I was and who like just the the person who I know I am like if if this could hap like if I could have a downfall this bad and this is bad. Like this is all bad if I could fall that hard and still like manage to land on my feet and crawl up from this. Oh yeah anybody can. Anybody can because I did not think that I could oh yeah and the strength and the wisdom that I have now is like I wouldn't change it because I I now I feel like who I was before but I am way stronger. I am I have way more discernment I I I look at life a very different way. I am probably way more protective over my children. You know it's taught me so much to get through this and and to get through it you know with kind of I I don't want to say alone because you know you're here God's here your family helped us tremendously just good people and it's it's like a very small like your circle will shrink for sure. Oh yeah your circle will totally shrink and that that was hard for someone like me who had so many friends and all these things around me but really that's what was needed. You know I needed to like just hunker down heal these kids remind them of the mom that they know that they have and also like remind myself of that too you know there's beauty there is there is beauty in pain and it is really really hard to see that when you're going through it and you know there were so many days that I was like just broken crying praying on my knees every day like God how am I going to get through this? How are we gonna get through this? You know will my kids ever smile like will we be okay and you know by the grace and the mercy of God like we are great and happy.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:48

Well and the further and further you got away from the this person I told you this all the time it was like this person has a spell on you and it's like you need to give your body an opportunity for it to wear off because it really it was like this make this make sense to me like it doesn't make sense like how that control was so tightly gripped and I would tell you I'm like get off the hamster wheel.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:13

I told you that a hundred times because someone like me you know like or maybe other people too you just like I can only say it and I'm not afraid to say it or ashamed to say it. Like you you you love someone that way and you see the hurt in them too. So my heart breaks for the hurt in him because most of the time when people are angry and when they're doing things like they're hurt on the inside and I knew that with him and and so yeah my heart was like I can repair all of this you know but like I just couldn't do it without um I just couldn't do it alone. Like I just wasn't able to do it. But so then yes you have to be like a strong person and like stand on your own two feet and say like this is this cannot work at all and now it is me and my kids like this is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:54

And and and if you don't do that like you'll keep going back and it's like now I listen to every yeah restraining order and everything like I don't even you have to break that cycle like because if you don't you will never get out like you have to fully commit to changing right every aspect of your life or it won't work.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:16

Right. You definitely have to and and it can be done though. Like yes like again I promise anyone like I did not think I would get out of this at all like at all. I I truly believe like this was to end up making me look like unfit or the kids and I would have been like homeless like I don't know what was going to happen but yeah we that was not the plan for us. That is not God's plan for us. That was not my plan or your plan that was not going to happen. So you just have to like pick yourself up and you have to like believe you have every day that you walk more and more you'll see you know things change and and and again like beauty starts to like come back to life the smiles in my kids' faces and the joy and you know that this is like all I need is is is that you know and it never one day did any of this change my heart my heart has remained like intact for my kids like the nurturing person that I am never changed. I was never vengeful bitter none of that just it's just a shitty situation that took a long time for me to learn from um in regard to like my salons and you know I'm like I I do I hold that so close to my heart because that that is something that I built like blood, sweat, tears like hours and hours and and so much planning went into building that vision. And and I do feel like at the end of the day I still am a visionary and someone who has high goals and expectations and desires to to create things in life that are beautiful. And I am so so terribly um I am I'm ashamed I am regretful I am beyond sorry for the for the things that I caused that created um you know chaos in other people's lives you know taking their livelihood away taking away um their place their routine their you know it just like totally probably rocked everyone's world in there and I couldn't see that at the time because I'm so my world is like beyond but I do think about it daily and um and I do believe like I will rebuild that business and it'll just be better.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:26

And I believe um I believe again going through this as hard as it is to say I do believe that somehow someway it was for the better. Like I couldn't do another business. I don't believe if I was still in that situation this had to like completely change me. Right. But I do des like completely love dearly those those people that worked for me and worked with me and um you know they they're like sacred in my heart and that that whole business was just something so beautiful that that is hard for me still today.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:00

Yeah that I don't have. And being through like so much therapy that you've done through Laura's house and like independently it's like now you can kind of step back from an outside perspective and look and see like everything that had transpired and like look at it from a different viewpoint where it's like like I'm actually quite surprised that it went on for so long before completely blowing up.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:25

Right. Right. Yeah I just thought you know it's gonna be okay like it's just gonna be okay and but the thing is when you are a leader and again like as your mom you know when you're a leader and people are looking up to you like you're running the show here. I mean these people are looking up to me and this is my this is my job to keep you guys busy and happy and growing and and sustaining this and all everyone's livelihood, you know, I never looked at it like it was a lot of pressure on me because I never felt that way. I I loved it. However when that person like can no longer do their job like we have a serious problem here. Yeah like what are we gonna do? Yeah and for me to put all of those people in that situation of like you got to just run to another salon or go somewhere else or do something I mean oh my gosh like that probably was beyond difficult for all of those girls and the guys and I cannot forgive myself enough for that you know because like now I understand how it is to be when you're left with like you don't know what you're gonna do. So you know I'm tremendously sorry for that and and I wish it didn't happen. Yeah. And if given the opportunity like I will build something again and and I absolutely just like you know I loved my employees like so very much and looked at them as far more than employees definitely as close close friends for sure. I'd like to thank my guest Brittany Maurer the most amazing best friend ever. And please tune in to the Human Sunshine podcast. We've got lots of fun guests coming up uh lots of women CEOs nonprofits uh lots of really great things to show you guys thank you for watching