The Human Sunshine Podcast

The Human Sunshine Podcast Episode 3

• Sunny Woodall • Season 1 • Episode 3

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0:00 | 1:08:28

We're back with the third episode of the Human Sunshine Podcast!

In today's episode, Sunny is joined again by her best friend Brittany and they continue the discussion of her previous marriage, but more specifically technology and how it was leveraged against Sunny. Listen to hear about Sunny's experience and advice to prevent others from having technology used against them and don't forget to follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and subscribe to our YouTube Channel!

SPEAKER_02

Welcome back to the Human Sunshine Podcast. I am your co-host, Brittany Maurer, and I am Sunny Woodall. I'm like hot and sweaty today. Sunny is feisty and she's got me sitting here all nervous.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my goodness, I know. It's I'm in rare form today for I know.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like I'm a little shell-shocked because I don't know everyone. I've seen you acting like this. So it has me hot. So I can only imagine what we're gonna talk about today. We'll find out because I'm sweating.

SPEAKER_01

Viewer discretion is advised. A lot of the topics that we're going to be discussing or have discussed are sensitive to say the the least and could be triggering everything from physical abuse, substance abuse, kids, a lot of things that need to be told and are part of the story, but could be a little bit sensitive to listen to. This is our third podcast now.

SPEAKER_00

Yep.

SPEAKER_02

Uh we've unpacked a lot about just things that have happened to you in your life and the abuse that you've dealt with. Um today I kind of want to like shift focus a little bit and talk more about like your exit strategy for people that are in this situation, like steps that you took to get out of the situation, um, current events and things like that. Um, a main topic that I do want to bring up though is like technology, because that is a huge yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

It's you know it's abuse.

SPEAKER_01

No, you know it's my worst enemy.

SPEAKER_02

But like how technology was used against you in a form of of abuse with tracking and shutting you out of things and locking you out of accounts and changing of phone numbers and how it can really be like weaponized. Yes. So can you tell me like more about like what you experienced in that? And then we can talk about like how we stop that from happening if that's currently happening.

SPEAKER_01

When you're dealing with somebody who's close to you who, you know, they know every single weakness of yours. Um, that is like you know, this is a huge one with me. Technology, it's just not my thing. Yeah, I never want it to be, it just isn't. And you know, that was known. Um, I I will say that first and foremost, like, just get better at it, um, honestly, because you can't always have someone do it for you. Like, this is what I would tell my kids one day. Like, don't expect someone to do it, even you. Like, you help me so much with it. But it's like you have to kind of like figure shit out on your own. It's yeah, it is difficult, you know. And the roadblocks you and I were seeing, even you were like, what the heck is happening here? It's it's mind blowing. I let people, you know, into my social media and run it and things like that. So so yes, people had logged ins and passwords. I mean, um, and that's unfortunate, you know, because when that gets used against you, you are yeah, stuck. So I would say the first thing would be changing my phone number that I've had since I don't know if I had that number clear back to high school, but definitely college. Um, so for 25 years or so, the same number that I've always had um was just changed one day. I mean, just completely changed. And okay, that's fine. You can get a new phone number. And I did. Um, he wanted me to get on like his business partner's plan and probably so they could monitor all that too. I declined that and got my own phone number, um, which was hard enough in itself because it's like a brand new number. And then at that point, my Apple ID was already changed, so it just I couldn't like do anything.

SPEAKER_02

So but I have- What was the explanation of like why he wanted you to get a new phone number?

SPEAKER_01

Yes. So the explanation I was told was that he couldn't pay the bill. However, he was or did hand me like an envelope of eight thousand dollars like two weeks later, you know. It just all of it just didn't make sense. But at the time, you're like, you just I didn't even like correlate those things together. Like clearly he was pretending like he didn't have money, but he does.

SPEAKER_02

He did, because it's like if you're giving me a new phone number, you're still gonna have to pay for that new phone number. But if you can't pay for the old number, how are you gonna pay for the new neighbor? Right.

SPEAKER_01

It doesn't make sense. Right. And by the way, I gave that $8,000 back shortly after. But um so when my phone number got changed, I was just told. I was just this is your new number, and it's under this person's account um with him on it too. And you know, I did find out there was someone else on that account as well, a a friend of a friend. It just was so odd. Um, the the bigger problem with with your number being changed, first of all, no one can find you right if they don't have your number. But but bigger than that, what you and I ran into was now it's like when you go to social media, you're like, why am I locked out of all these accounts? Why can I not get into any of this stuff? Oh, yeah. And all of them were like, we just sent a code to this number. Well, that's not my number anymore. But I I'm I'm assuming that number was kept on for some amount of time. And those codes were going to that phone because it was probably still active. Um, and you know, for me, I you know how I operate. I'm very like, I just shut down. It's like I don't even want to deal with this. This is scary. I don't know what to do. So I'm just gonna shut up and not say anything. And and that's okay because I took this like year or so of silence and just focused on the kids. I can't deal with social media and bullshit like that and run into like all these roadblocks. Once I found out that you were running into roadblocks, uh I was like, if Britney can't do this, like what am I gonna do? Hire someone, I have no money, like I can't do that. So that I would say was the biggest. Um I just felt like I was in the big big picture, I was like cut off at the knees so that I couldn't fight at all. Like not fight like vengeful fight, but like I I really couldn't like stand up or say anything because it was almost like I was being deleted from life. And then to see on like my Instagram, all these people are like blocked. Well, I didn't block these people, and then no, they don't know my phone number, so it's it's just a mess. It's a total, total mess.

SPEAKER_02

And well, even like emails, it was we couldn't get in anything to email addresses because everything nowadays requires two-factor authentication. And it's like if you don't have that device anymore, we couldn't even get into things to like deactivate things so other people couldn't get access and to this or codes that we needed to create new accounts, wouldn't come.

SPEAKER_01

Wouldn't come to they would go to the old number. And it was even like I remember it being at your house one time, and it was like, how the the how this happened? I don't know if you remember, it was on your laptop and it like pinged where I was living with him. Like no one even knew we were there.

SPEAKER_02

If you're currently going through this situation of like technology abuse, you need to get a new phone number. So you can't that person cannot contact you anymore. That is like your first step and get a new device. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I ended up doing that way.

SPEAKER_02

Everything do not use the same email addresses, do not use the same passwords, right? Do not use the same Apple ID. I kept telling her, I'm like, you need to switch because I can't even figure this out. Stop using Apple and go to an Android. Like, because if I can't even figure out how to put roadblocks in for your safety, then you need to just completely wipe the slate clean and like get new devices because there could be tracking devices on your phones, and I'm sure that there were.

SPEAKER_01

Good customer service. Always. It was like I want to be on 24-7 all the time. So when that my number got cut off, like I said, it just cut me off at the knees. Like, yeah, and at the time I was so in it and I didn't realize what was happening. Um, even like talking to a district attorney is like, we've been trying to get in touch with you for like over a year, you're hard to find. And I tell her, you know, well, he changed my number of 25 years, and they're like shocked. Like, oh, that makes total sense. Well, it does make sense, and it did for him then because he needed to, because he didn't want me in contact with these important people. Yeah. And that set me back too.

SPEAKER_02

And that goes to with like the whole abuse is one of the biggest things that an abuser does is isolation. And yeah, taking away somebody's phone number is like taking away somebody's identity because it's like, yeah, that's how people know how to get a hold of you and get in touch with you. So it's like, yeah, when you take that away, it is you're now completely isolating them right from the world, or people reaching out to them to get in touch with them, even for safety reasons, not just your business, but just friends and family. It's like you no one can get a hold of you now.

SPEAKER_01

Not at all. And that's why with you, right away, it was like we're putting your number writers on tracker, like you could track me all day long. You can track my son all day long. Yeah, because you we have safety measures now in place with each other. And I how often do I call you? I'm like, dude, where's writer's phone? I'm like, yeah, please, like we have it by the way. But um, first of all, people, don't ever let someone have that much control over you. Yeah, that much access to so much access, but control. And I know my situation, like it it chipped away and got me there. But when someone has complete control over you in every way, your faith, your finances, your emotions, you know, your your love, your everything. Like everything is just tied to one person, and you and then the little tiny things that you're seeing, you kind of overlook or you do, you overlook them because you're like, there's no way. But obviously, there's a way if this person is like kicking me on the floor and hitting me in the face, there's probably a way he's gonna do that too. Yeah, but you just don't piece it together that way. Um I kind of just went with it, you know, and it was it was always like, Well, this'll be okay, we'll just make it okay, you know.

SPEAKER_02

Well, and even with the whole phone thing, like he would shut things off that you couldn't even have access to. Like, he would like leave you stranded somewhere, you would call me, and I would have to order you an Uber because you're like, he's locked me out of my Uber account. I can't even order a ride because I'm now locked out of my account to even get a ride about Uber.

SPEAKER_01

He controlled that account too. It was just a sure way that he knew where I was all the time. Again, the the people that knew me before, it's like there's no way Sunny is this dumb. I was more naive and just I don't think that my mind could comprehend that that this was like bad being done to me. You just don't want to see it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And that's true. Like you just don't want to see it. But the truth is it's happening. And if you don't put a fucking stop to it, you're gonna be in huge trouble. Yeah. Little by little, your identity starts to just go away. And with that comes, you know, your confidence. My confidence went away. So could I have been this whole time like posting a million pictures on what am I gonna what was I gonna post then that I'm like struggling through this time, you know, trying to heal the kids, get the kids situated. Like, what am I gonna gonna post that? I'm super happy. I I'm not going to do that because that wouldn't be real and that wouldn't be who I am.

SPEAKER_02

I do want to bring up to like check your belongings because we found a tracking device in your son's backpack. Do you remember that? No, you don't remember that? No, what in writer? Yes, you came to my house and you're like, Britt, what is this? I found it in writer's backpack and I used Google Lens to take a picture of it. And I was like, Sonny, yeah, this is a tracking device. I remember that. I know I got chills talking about it because it was like, you're like, what is this? Yeah. So it's like you in these situations have to be so safe and like set up safety precautions. Like, like one of the first things that you and I did was like set up safety protocol with each other. I remember like even when you were still with him, I we had like code words. It was like you call me and say, Hey, when are you coming to get your hair done? Yes, I remember. I would know. Yep. Because, and for him, he wouldn't think anything of it. He would just say, Oh, they're making an appointment. Right. But I would know if you're calling me to book an appointment for my hair, you're not safe. Right.

SPEAKER_01

And I need to make sure that there's phone calls and find out. At the time, like I'll be honest with you now, I for sure was like, Britney, is it so crazy? Why do I have to do this? But no, because looking back, all of the things that you you were putting roadblocks for me in place not to go backwards. And if I didn't have you then with those things, like the potential of me going backwards was highly likely. I mean, given given the history. So that was so helpful. Uh, I didn't know at the time, but yeah, like looking back and with the kids too, it was just anything that you could do to make sure that like things were safe and you knew exactly what was going on.

SPEAKER_02

Someone, someone needs to know the truth to help you stay safe. And like another thing we did was we are all on live 360. Yeah, I love that app. Love it. We know where each other are at all times, even in the event of an emergency. It's like if she doesn't answer her phone, I'm like, where are you? Are you at home? Where are you? What are you doing?

SPEAKER_01

Why don't you funny about that? He was able to track everything I was doing, show up in my work, show up at anywhere I was. I would never share his location. He would never like I didn't ask, but it's like never. So again, that might be a red flag for someone go when you're looking at a situation.

SPEAKER_02

If your loved one is not willing to share that, then they're probably hiding somewhere.

SPEAKER_01

Or yeah, if they don't offer like the way it's like a not a family thing. It doesn't seem like this this is a two-way thing. It's like you want to know where I'm at, but we don't know where you are, and you know, that's hard.

SPEAKER_02

I do want to bring up now like things that happen with the kids. Yeah. And just like the emotional damage that we created, everything that had happened kind of created. Yeah. Um, and how your kids are so opposite about how they handle like what they've been through.

SPEAKER_01

They are completely opposite, but for some reason I just feel like the need to say the the especially Gia, like the strength that that girl, and it's like I always knew when she was little, like she was tough, but I just knew this girl is gonna be your strength one day. And that could not be more true. Now I know like PTSD is so much more real. Like all these stupid words that people used to say, like triggered and gaslighting and PTSD and trauma. I was like, these people are so dramatic. When people would talk that way, or if I would hear people on like an Instagram talk that way, I'm just like, oh my god, just get over it, move on. And oh my god, those things are so beyond tangibly real. Um the trauma that I see my daughter go through is the exact trauma that I feel like I went through. And Ryder deals with it differently, but I feel like it's the same, you know. But watching Gia have the episodes that she had, it's the same thing that happened to me as far as the the abandonment seems huge with her. Um and it's it's awful to see a little girl go through that because I know I'm responsible for half of that with her because I was so focused on him rather than her at times. And um healing that is so important to me with Gia. And it and it to me, she's like come so far. Yeah, but like when we were with you in the beginning, it was like she would run. I mean, it's little seven-year-old bolting out of the house running. Like, where are you running to? You're running across the street. This is crazy, and it's panic and it's scary. Um, and I not just from my house, but from like any public places like on busy streets at parks. That was very scary, like dangerous situations. That's what I was referring to, and that scared the shit out of me. Um and she, you can't like contain it, you know, you can't contain it. And so here you are on the floor with Gia, like, you know, you have to contain it because we have to keep her safe, right? But also the way you can speak to her and the way we let her know on a daily basis, like more than once a day, every day, and I still do today. Like, it does not matter what you do, like mommy is not leaving you, like no one is leaving you, no matter what you do, no one is leaving you. Those uh things in Gia, and I'll never tell her like how I felt, you know, because she doesn't need to know she's a kid, but I felt the same way. I felt the same way. You don't know what to do, and you feel like this person is leaving you and you're scared. The the amount of times my husband left not only me, but the kids and I stranded places is absolutely outrageous. No phone, no keys, no what are we supposed to do? We just have to wait in this spot that you dropped us off in, whether it's raining or it's super hot sun, it doesn't matter. We have to wait in this spot because if we move, how are you going to find us? How are we ever gonna find you? And you have my son trying to run, find you on the street. It's absolute insanity. Yeah. So this chaos brought in trauma and PTSD and this like we're we're scared, you know. Um, so to to deal with that with kids in the aftermath, it is is difficult. And I'm very careful. I mean, you know how I am. I I'm very careful in our home life. Like, I just don't talk about it. I don't talk about like anything negative at all with that. If they were to bring something to me, uh, we can open that. But I just don't because I don't really know where it will lead in therapy. They do, and Gia tends to shut down a bit. Um but I think healing them takes a lot of love. And I think this whole situation when you're starving someone for affection or love just to do it, to punish them, I think is like one of the most cruel things possible. So for our children, like I don't do that to them. I will, I will over overflow with love and nurture them in every way because they deserve that and they need to be filled up with love and praise and adoration and all those things that that they deserve because they didn't ask for this. Yeah, they didn't ask for any of it.

SPEAKER_02

We did the best way to describe like how Gia would act, it was like when a bull sees red, right? It was like something clicked in her head and she went from like zero to a thousand, and it was like hyperventilating and just complete chaos, and eyes bugged out, like it was like she was a different person for lack of better words, like possessed by just anger and rage. And yeah, I feel like when these kids are in this situation, like you and I have talked about this a lot. It was like their expectation of your response dealing to their response is usually anger is met with anger. We don't do that, and we would come in with a completely different approach, and it was like we met anger with love. And it it in those moments, you could just kind of see it still in her eyes confusion.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, yes, it was confusion. She's like, What do you mean?

SPEAKER_02

Or sometimes, you know, she'd scream, I'd scream at her back, but not like screaming, yelling. It would be like she'd be like, ah, and I would be like, ah, like silly screaming back at her. It was like meaning, meaning like the screaming with like silly. Yes. And it was she'd get so confused. I'm like, you want to yell? Oh, I can yell too. And it wasn't like I'm yelling at her. It's like I'm showing her, like mirroring her behavior, and it like kind of triggered something else. And yeah, there were moments where I'd be on the ground with her, yeah, bear hugging, getting bit, getting hit. And I was like, I love you. I love you. Calm down. Take a deep breath with me. Breathe, Gia. Because she would hyperventilate so bad. I'm like, you're gonna pass out, you're gonna make yourself sick. Like, just breathe. And then she would calm down.

SPEAKER_01

So so many things as you're describing, and I know we were in your kitchen, like that one. That's exactly when you're talking about. And it's so weird how like memor memories, like talking, it will bring you right back, which is which is for me, um, it it is like even doing this, having this platform, it it's like feels good, but it's hard sometimes because you're I'm going through all the lost stuff too. It's like I'm I'm having to relive a lot of moments that were really difficult that I didn't know a way out of. Yeah. And and that moment in particular with Gia, when you were describing the way she looks and acts, instantly I see my husband. The it is, it's something different.

SPEAKER_02

It triggers she's upset, and then you're upset because you're seeing like it's a realization and fear.

SPEAKER_01

Right. I I get to yeah, yeah, I'm go into fear, yes, which is great that I had you there because I was like, I'm not equipped at the moment to handle this too. Because I mean, the world knows I am afraid of my daughter. She's like, she's a beast, like she's a total beast, but I love her to death. But in those moments, like I saw this little girl who just needed exactly what we were giving her, and and and I don't know that I would have been able to even think that way, like how you were doing. that and you did and you were like son I was you were like telling me you were like I was like a bad kid like I know and I'm like yeah I can't imagine because I was not I was like the the the I was not like that it was hard for me to understand but also when you're talking i see writer and writer with his hands up and no mommy it's loud you know this poor kid who is sweet as like oh my god the driven snow like just the sweetest he's more the turtle like he just like wanted to curl up in his shell and just like hide from everything yeah and that was really hard to watch writer have to deal with his sister freaking out and losing it I can just say this to somebody if you you know have children in this situation like you gotta get the fuck out I'm telling you you gotta get out because if you don't the long lasting effects that this could have on a child it will change them. Oh yeah and to work so hard now to like heal them and change them back and like really truly it is like love. Like the love will always find you in like pain right like but kids don't know that because they're kids. Yeah we know that now yeah so the more love you give like the pain ultimately will subside I will say as you know I mean I left this marriage with absolutely nothing no furniture I maybe had a couple clothes like I left with the most important thing which is writer and Gia Yeah and I don't care about all the material stuff. I wanted them and I needed to be with them to be able to fix and or help this situation in them because it's deep it's deep for all of us. Oh yeah but we couldn't have done it we could not have done it without you guys at all and you just you especially just jumped in and Travis too dude I always say Travis you like run out the you'd be like I'll get her I'll get her he was like I'll be back I'm on it and I'm like how is this family completely just surrounding us with all this love and strength and faith and wisdom like make me emotional. No because it's invaluable and I know you know now but like if you knew at the time like it was so something different that I have never experienced.

SPEAKER_02

Oh neither neither had I I mean I was a jerk kid like you know but never like that. It's like the things that we were experiencing with like you and writer and GA it was like even new to me. I remember we had a hard conversation and I was like I love you son but I don't know if we can do this. I know it was like I don't know if if we can even get through this together as a team but like when things weren't getting better they were getting worse and the outbursts were getting worse and the violence towards her brother even in you and cars and driving I was like this is becoming like unsafe like I feel like we may not even be able to protect her from herself that like she may have to go somewhere like not like chip her off but like send her to like a therapeutic 247 round the clock therapy inversion and it was like I feel like once we kind of thought about that it was almost like God came in and was like I'm so glad that you are recognizing that like you may have to do something because that is hard like having those conversations is hard. But then he was like I'm glad that you said that but now let me give you the strength.

SPEAKER_01

When Gia was doing that the first thing I thought of was they're gonna take these kids from me. Yeah because it's gonna look like I'm not doing my job. Yeah. And I was fucking doing my job. We had but there was a lot of work to do and I don't know that like people understand that. There is just so much work to do with children that makeup time that I had to like recalculate and and rewire in myself but but ultimately them and and I would freak out in those moments like I'm not gonna I don't know what I can't do.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know what to do sit there quietly because you're like I can't have the cops called on me right now because she's like it looked like we were abducting her. That's why I was like she would be screaming at the top of her lungs that if any normal person looked and that we're children they would be like they're like stealing this person. And we were trying to do the opposite we're like just get in the car calm down be quiet like let's try and figure this out it was like oh yeah shit like we can't contain this and this is going to look really bad.

SPEAKER_01

So my mind yeah in in the beginning my mind would always go there because it it does doesn't matter what it is it's what it like this is what it looks like and we're just trying to help this little girl big emotions that no kid at that age should have to be experiencing.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely not she didn't get it she would think oh if I act like this they're just gonna leave and leave me alone and we did the complete opposite and it we got covered really I think healed her little heart knowing that like yeah like hit me, bite me, scratch me, do whatever you want, beat me up if that's what it's gonna take for you to like get get your little anger out and then like let's hug it out afterwards.

SPEAKER_01

I do believe um getting them also helped getting them very grounded was you know me staying grounded and you I think I mentioned last time how you you just put me in that like alpha program at church and I was like what the fuck what is she doing? Like why do I need to I'm like if you're gonna live with me for a bit I mean you weren't actually living there but you were but being in that that um series taught me so much and you know it was really hard and like crying through it all the time and just not understanding what was going on but it definitely got me the strength to be able then to like make sure and I always had even my stepkids you know was church was always a part of our life but this was different. Yeah I needed to like ground them in their faith like this is the this is the only way. Oh yeah and and to find strength there and I can see with Gia even last night she's you know always like making me cards like you know God loves it just so sweet and writer too like so I know that that was part of God's plan and we followed and I'm just so glad that we did it was the biggest thing was getting them back in a routine.

SPEAKER_02

Humans in general are such creatures of habit and so when you when you change things or routines it really spins your mind in like a tailspin. And so it was like yeah it was getting back into structure and routine and you know positivity and love. It was like a whole mind reset for them too like if people met Gia today they would never they would have no idea no idea she's a completely different kid. Different kid is she fully healed no that's not what we're saying. She still has her moments it's like yeah her moments may be a little bit more extreme than most kids because she's still has that like built in instinct of like going from zero to a thousand but yeah it's she's learned to control them so much more for sure. Let's bring up writer because now we've talked about Gia and Ryder was complete opposite writer like I said he was like the turtle in this situation and I feel like for him it's like like Gia was like outward dangerous and I feel like the turtles of the world are like inward dangerous because they internalize everything and they're so quiet quiet. But man does it weigh so much heavier on their little hearts because they don't have the type A personality to open up and express how they're feeling so they just internalize it until like it's too they it's too much and then they explode.

SPEAKER_01

Rider is such a um like intuitive kid you know I do like so much for him so I feel like ultimately I he could probably do more for himself but like I just do everything for that kid because I feel like he deserves it. He will like marinate with things a bit and then like it happened last night and I don't know it could be school you know I'm always like what happened at school but I can just tell you know I'm like hey what's up and he's like do you want to go on a walk? So we try to do like things like that where it's just like one on one you know it's just like you're just a kid it's just a kid you know and it's like tell me tell me about your day. Yeah let's decompress let's chat what's up with this girl who did this or who stole the basketball from you spill the tea spill the tea that's it and I always tell him like tell me what's up like so I think approaching the kids that way is um good and I'm also showing that what they're feeling is so important to me because it is and I can always especially with writer I mean that kid is like my you know he he's my heart I I just adore him and I and I do feel like I I can I can feel him a little bit like a a lot of it. It's important to check in with your kids all the time. And when you're so involved in whatever else is going on you don't and I think that's a huge regret of mine is you know I'm like so focused on this thing and this thing is a complete disaster that I didn't focus as much on them. Right. You know and that is a huge regret and I didn't see it at the time and now I have the opportunity to completely in every way and and individually help these kids and heal these kids and they're gonna have their days where they fall and things are going to happen. Like yesterday writer got written up for something and you know he was bummed and you know we get over it and then but then I explain like don't you dare go in there and say it wasn't your fault. Like here's here's now where we take accountability for what we did and we just don't do it again.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I mean this is like what I'm teaching my kids because if I don't teach them that we'll can continue thinking that they're in invincible and nothing will happen and that's just not the way life is yeah even even my daughter you don't even know this yet because I would told you because it just happened she like shoved her friend at school and like might have broke her arm.

SPEAKER_02

Shocking shocking shocking like so you know they got in a little tiff at the water fountain and Charlotte's like I got there first and her friend came up and like was trying to cut and get her water and like Charlotte like kind of nudged her like I'm here I'm filling up my water bottle and her hand like the other girl's hand was like kind of caught in like the fountain like the drinking fountain spigot or whatever and like kind of just like tweaked it a little bit. So she got like a little soft cast and this is Charlotte's like bestie like her sister. Also I'm just like thinking of Charlotte your daughter like I'm like Charlotte are you sure it wasn't like her head went straight to like she's never gonna want to be my friend anymore. And like our kids are so vulnerable like it's like I had to explain to her like accidents happen. Yeah it's the intention behind every action that you have that is the most important thing in life. Right. Charlotte did you mean to hurt her? Yes you mean you meant to shove her right because that was a physical action that you intended to do but your intent was to move her out of the way not to hurt her. So it's like it's all these teachable moments for our kids that it's like yeah your intention behind your actions is the most important thing in life and when you do something wrong you need to the accountability and the lesson behind it is far more powerful than you making a mistake.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah my kids have been through a lot and they have seen a lot and um you know I can never really forgive myself for that because I that is my part too. There were so many times that I knew in my heart I just knew in my gut like if you stay like this is gonna turn out worse but for some reason I could not listen to that higher voice. I just couldn't and and that is where like you got to have a support system I'm telling you if you don't it is like trouble because you cannot I couldn't even listen obviously I could not listen to myself self was making the worst decisions. Yeah the worst yeah and so when when yourself was making the worst decisions and you have children unfortunately you're screwed and if you're always looking to someone else that that maybe you can't trust anymore and that's a problem. Now my intuition was always right my intuition my gut my faith it was always I just had to like tap into it and remember what it was cut out all the other noise. Cut out the noise this whole last year I cut out the noise and I feel like that was God telling me to do that.

SPEAKER_02

And I had to because I need to focus on the most important voices of all which is which are writer and GF yeah so for the listeners that are going through everything I think the biggest advice that we could give them with like kids is like get your kids in therapy stat. Yep get them in therapy love bomb them in the correct way um and tough it out you just gotta tough it out you just gotta tough it out.

SPEAKER_01

And I will say with toughing it out with with someone like Gia um you know because they're so opposite writer I just like hold you know and and he'll melt you know but but Gia yeah she's like a she is she's like a bull.

SPEAKER_02

He called her a feral kitty she's a feral kid that was her nickname for sure I found this video on Instagram and it was it was this cat that was acting I know absolutely crazy and the person just kept petting it petting it and petting it until it stopped acting crazy and then it like turned to love and it was like that resonated with her so much.

SPEAKER_01

It was like in those moments yeah you just they just they want to be loved they want to be loved and and you have to just keep pushing with it and that is is so important with kids because like you know they have their own memory bank of what they've dealt with it's like it's like me writer and J all have our own banks of like what was happening and how it happened and and what we saw or whatever.

SPEAKER_02

And with that deal with it differently so little too you don't even realize how like even when they're like three like subconsciously the things that they remember yeah we don't even we don't even know it's like so it may come out later. Who knows? And that's why it's so important to walk this line of being like their sole parent and you're teaching them more independence too because I feel like you going through your marriage had none. None so it's like kind of instilling in them the importance of yeah being independent like yes you need community and you need family and you need structure and you need all those things but you also need to learn how to stand on your own two feet.

SPEAKER_01

100% and I also knew always that I was a good mom and I think that was trying to be kind of like sucked from me too and I wasn't gonna allow that to happen. God was not going to allow that to happen. But for so long when you're told you know you're dumb you're all these things for so long it's wild because you see that in movies like or you hear about it and it's like how can someone really start to believe that they're dumb like it is possible it is possible for someone like me who was very smart went to college like all the has all these accolades in life like I am smart but I can tell you with certainty that I felt very very dumb very powerless all those things and I think that that was meant to happen and and you don't see it until you're out of it and you really look back and go holy shit I just completely gave up all my independence and now what? You know and and yes I owned businesses that were great and successful and I also had a very great manager that was you know to this day I adore her that kept kept it moving you know um and did a lot of things that I didn't so I think as a parent you really have to just dig deep and know your kids know what's going on with everything and you really do have to like find it within yourself the strength to make the right decisions and that's the other thing we're not always gonna make the right decisions. I'm still gonna make mistakes and my kids need to know that too like things aren't going to be perfect every day.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah let's talk about Laura's house and how that played like a huge role a huge role like I can't even put into words like the type of resource that that is that are available to people that are in that situation to help you get past like what you were going through and the kids.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah so Laura's house is they have two locations uh one is in Garden Grove the other one is a little more south county Laura's house is like a domestic violence it's a shelter it's also therapy it's like it's a recovery center. It's like the best way to describe it. Yeah and they and yes they handle children I can only say that that was God because it came up like in court um that I needed to like look to a domestic violence place and um I just I don't even know if I googled it. I have no idea how I found it now I guess God was just like here you go and I did and holy cow that place like single handedly changed everything everything. I that is when like you probably noticed a difference. It was it was small at first but they they like had me go through these domestic violence classes and and I'm like talking to my husband on the phone outside like I have to go into this class like dad he's like don't tell them anything like don't say so I was still very much in this like okay I can't talk every time I had a therapist I wasn't allowed to tell them anything it was like well how am I ever gonna get better if I can't like say what's going on here that place when I first got in there I was in a group session and it was all women I believe and a woman teacher but like what would happen was I was sitting next to the instructor so I would be the last one and we had like a piece of paper and it would just she would just it would just say on there like describe an act I don't know what a violent act that happened I don't know and they would start on one side and I would be the last one and I'm listening to like nine people's descriptions of what they considered violence. I was like in disbelief that this person would call this violence. This is where I feel like God put that place in my life for a reason I would have never I didn't know we had to read those things out loud. So I again I'm telling you God picked my seat he told me what to but I was just writing an act or of something that happened and when it got to me I cannot tell you I cannot tell you how disturbed the other people were in the class and I'm like I have to read this and the instructor's like you just have to read it to the class so after like three times of this class then the instructor pulled me aside and was like do you have an exit strategy and I'm like no like what do you mean and she's like you have to come in for an exit like plan strategy. You know and I was just like these people are so dramatic.

SPEAKER_02

This is ridiculous not only that but you this whole time kept telling yourself that what you were going through was nothing. Yeah so it's like it still hadn't even clicked in your head like how dangerous the situation was that you were actually in it did not click in my head until Laura's house.

SPEAKER_01

I can say that with a hundred percent honesty certainty I know for sure none of this clicked until I was there and started hearing the other things that people were considering abuse these people's like significant others are like going away for like 10 years for like what I'm like this is wild but my safety and my kids' safety that became high profile like this is serious now and then then they put me with like this kick ass therapist Dana who actually came up with the name human sunshine and gave me that that um like drawing of that and I was with her once a week and yeah she really pulled it out of me and at that point I left I left I was able to leave that situation and I knew I was leaving on the day after Christmas that was the last time I was gonna see you as us together and from that moment on I was like in I'm like in this therapy I'm gonna figure out my mind my heart we're gonna fix all this and I'm gonna heal these kids like it took all of me to to be able to like try and pick myself up and do that but but Laura's house I I don't have enough to say about that place. It yeah and Lyra's house isn't that only place.

SPEAKER_02

No like if you're listening and you're not in you know the OC area California they're all over the country goal is to keep you safe and keep these abusers away from you. It's almost like you're going into witness protection.

SPEAKER_01

Kind of that's like that well we I was just telling that DA that I'm like we've kind of been in hiding the last like year like I don't know how he has my address because we don't give it out. My parents don't have it but okay um but anyway Laura's house is great and they were great for the kids as well. So I put the kids there immediately now the kids have like regular therapists but my therapist just knew the things to ask me and the ways to help and without me even telling her she just because this is what they deal with. So they know they understand all of it. And kind of just like brushing it off and all that was not an option anymore. It was like this is real. Yeah this is happening and this is why you're in this situation that you're in. And and here are the steps to get out. Yeah I don't know if I have time but I did want to just like mention I know people are going to do what they want to do but I I with a hundred percent certainty would say don't pick up a drink because all that does is make you weaker and that's what it did for me. It doesn't give you mental clarity. Zero I couldn't have been more clouded and all I did was keep running back during that time. It was not until I like fully I was like no more drinking because I need to be clear headed and then it was like four months five months later is when I walked away. So I feel like those two things kind of go hand in hand. You you've got to get stronger you've got to have support around you you definitely can't be messing around drinking or anything like that. And you gotta have a faith you know you have to have some a lot of strength around you that that will carry you through it.

SPEAKER_02

And then life now you're getting a divorce yeah you're completely separated from him no communication even you have put safety measures in place and you have supervised visits. Yeah and I didn't ask for this I never asked for a

SPEAKER_01

Straining order, the judges did this for me. I didn't ask for this custody. The judge did this on my behalf. I I'm pretty sure they all thought I was gonna like walk right back and mess it up, but I didn't. I stuck to it. The on paper, it is yeah, two hours supervised visit for him uh per month. And so I just follow that to a T. And that's that's what it is. And and I'm I have no plan in changing that at all. And I I believe maybe a lot of things that like he didn't think people would know about, they're gonna know now because this is gonna protect my kids too. So your your three, your two suicide attempts and and the third one with me in the car when you tried to kill both of us in the car on the way to that testimony, those things matter. And those are the reasons why I don't feel okay with my children with you alone. Yeah. And that's okay. Yeah. Because a year ago I would have never said that. Right. But now my kids need me to protect them in every way. So you can fight with every dollar that you have, but you're gonna have to kill me.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I'm not getting support from this person in any way, and that's okay too. That's okay too. But what I will do is fight with the resources that I have and that I've learned that I can. And I'm I'm fighting like a very clean, honest battle. This is just for them.

SPEAKER_02

We've talked a lot about what has happened, but like the situation is still current. Like, you do have full custody of your kids, there's protection orders in place, but like it's not over.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Like, what is advice for people that are still in it right now? And like, how are you dealing with what's going on?

SPEAKER_01

Advice I would give is just keep putting one foot in front of the other um and just do the right things.

SPEAKER_02

Report everything too. Like, write everything down. Like, that is what we've come that is what I realized. I never did was don't delete shit. Don't delete shit. Stop deleting text messages and phone records and thinking that like those things aren't of value because when you finally have the strength to walk away, I need it, or you need to press charges against somebody that has hurt you, like you need all that documentation and evidence to help you.

SPEAKER_01

And that is so yes, please listen to Brittany because that is so true. And I did not do that. I let you know, I it's okay. It's okay. Yeah, it's all okay. I can't change the past. And it's it's like I said, I feel like God sees everything, so it's okay. But yes, just protect yourself as much as you can. Don't give people so much access to things. And if you have um any anything is like happening that you kind of think like this doesn't seem right, or definitely anyone is putting their hands on you in a way that like probably isn't like you know isn't right, like you you need to like you need to do something because you need to report it, like as difficult as that is, like you have to go to the police station and you need to file a lot of people. It is so difficult and it's so embarrassing. And at the time, like I said, I I never was like this dramatic girl. So I didn't want to do any of that. But looking back, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Especially if you have kids, because like we're learning now. If you would have gone and done all the reports and gotten him in trouble, it would have made it easier for you to protect your children. Yeah, because then the courts know for sure what type of person this is. For sure. And obviously they're gonna know they're not gonna want these children to be around this. Right. And then they ultimately saw it. Such a broken system. You have to report these things. Start a paper trail and protect your children.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I completely, completely did not do that at all. I didn't report anything. And so to get kicked in the stomach on the floor with a golf club, whatever it is, or whatever it was, you're just left there in this moment. Like, I don't really know if I can walk, like, we're gonna have to like hide this in some way or like forget about all the bruises. Yeah. It's just even that hitting me in the face in the hotel with the kids present. Like, this is happening so close to the kids, and like there's a court of law, there's a system in place, there's protocol. Okay. But like when I live in Corona and I got hit in the face in Anaheim, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was supposed to drive back with my children and like report this shit in Anaheim. So that like got me tangled up too, and he knew all that. So to see these court reports and like how he was able to go to San Bernardino and all these different counties and like put all this shit in place, like I just didn't know. But but looking back, you just have to be ready to go, like ready to leave. You have to have a plan in place.

SPEAKER_02

That's what I would tell someone get your shit together, document everything, take pictures, send them to a trusted person, yeah, so that you have evidence. And you know, just know too that the statute of limitations for domestic violence is long in a lot of states. Like it could be years later that as long as you have like proper documentation, like you can still go and press charges on people and get protective orders and places and protect yourself and your kids. So just know that, like, even if it's been a while, like and just you can still protect yourself and do the right thing.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, definitely. What I've learned and going through so much court, the first thing I would tell anybody, like I tell you this all the time, and I'm I'm dead serious about it. If it is not said on record, it did not happen. Right. So your voice absolutely needs to be heard, and you need to make sure that it's heard because I did not do that. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And police reports, read them, read them, make sure everything that has happened was included in the police report. And if it's not, you go do it immediately because we had problems with that. Yeah, you know, and it was like so hard.

SPEAKER_01

Like, I'll just state for this record that this person has never once to my face said, We're done. Never. I walked away from him the day after Christmas in 2025, four, five, I don't know, whatever year it was. Four, I think. He never said that to me, so it continued to keep me on this like path of like maybe this fairy tale could happen or whatever. He never shut the door, no, and it was like, well, the money and the this and the that. And after so long, you're just like, you know what? These little kids, they can't do this without me. And I need to get my shit together so that I can protect them. And that's ultimately like what I did.

SPEAKER_02

So what's going on with you now? What are your goals for the future? Like, we've died dive in so deep, getting to know like all of like the bad that's happened to you. I want to hear some of the good that's like going on with you right now and the kids.

SPEAKER_01

We have never been like this happy and at peace. And that is like a beautiful thing. And you know, writer is like totally excelling in football, baseball, volleyball. Like, he's in all these sports and he loves it.

SPEAKER_02

And he's Oh, I have to joke because like this kid who is like blind as a bat and like pocket sized is one of the most badass sport kids that I have ever seen. Like, it is so impressive. Like he is literally small but mighty. That's what I said. And I just have to say that because he is so crazy.

SPEAKER_01

He is um, I mean, it could talk forever about writer, but he is he's just that kid is God-given. Oh yeah, God-given in every way. And yes, he excels at all of his sports. He is just the most kind soul. Loving. All of his teachers say that. All of the students, all the girls love Ryder. Like they are in love with him. Yeah. And I tell Ryder, if you were, if he was here right now, I'm like, Ryder, what's my what's mommy's like number one rule when you meet a girl who's like, she has to love sports. I'm like, that's right. Like she has to love God and she has to love sports. But like sports is a big thing. It's like we just and and it's so fun to be like that with him because we play all the time and we're competitive, and it's just it's amazing. Um, so he's doing great. I'm very happy with the school that they're in, and I I really try to use community in a way that I haven't done for a while, and it does feel really good.

SPEAKER_02

Um they finally have like stability in their life, stability. They've been going to the same school for a while.

SPEAKER_01

They have friends, like they're in activities and sports and home and church, like all the things that I knew were important, like, and it also was for me too, like this routine. And you know, I'm like a routine person, like I just wanted to get them on like a really good path to set them up for like success, and we're gonna have fallbacks and whatnot, but like, yeah, to try and set them up as best I can. I'm very, very, very proud of Ryder, and I'm very proud of like the little man that he is because he is such a little man, and he is totally a protector.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, like he's had that from even like back when you were going through the abuse, like there'd be moments where he would like try to get in the middle and all of that, and like he still has those same characteristics now, like being protective over his friends or his sister, very much, very much so.

SPEAKER_01

And Gia is she's also doing great, like she's doing great in school. Um, she's in like cheer now, and we have like our little group of friends. I was so used to having such a big tribe, but like now it's like I found this like small little tribe that like this mom and I are so tight, and like we live right by each other, and yeah, these kids are great, and like I just feel like we all work together for the betterment of the kids, and so that is that is like honestly, I know I'm like business girl through and through, and I always will be. And business things are in the works, as you know, like they will be happening, it's negotiations, it's things um like out of our control. But I do feel like you're trying to set yourself up for a future again. Yeah, I have to, but but the most important thing, I swear, I feel like is is being a mom to these kids that deserved this the whole time, and and I took it from them and we took it from them. So for me, um, I would say at this moment, yeah, that is like my main job is to is to be the best mom that I can to to make sure that Ryder and Gia like have everything that they need and that they're just good people and that they know right from wrong and and good from bad and all that stuff, and and just to guide them and help them and make sure that they're they're close to God too, you know.

SPEAKER_02

What about future goals? And do you, after everything that you've been through, do you feel like you could ever like open up your heart to another person again? I know that's a very loaded question. Don't give me that one. I'm like, God. It's just went off the rails. But now it's not coming off the rails. It's like it's people that are in this situation, like, and you're you're like super fresh out of it. So I'm not saying like, are you gonna start dating somebody tomorrow? That's not what I'm getting at. It's like now that you have that mental clarity and you're you are, you know, a a good enough distance away from that, like like how like what are your fears going into a new relationship? And what would you like what are the red flags that like you're gonna look out for when you're pursuing like opening up your heart again to somebody?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So the good thing is my heart is like, like I I said on the last episode, my heart, I I do believe my heart remained intact. I don't know how, but I feel like it is. I also feel like, yeah, it's it's a little covered like with stone, a little bit like a like a thin layer of stone. So to give my heart away at this moment, I would say no, not not a chance because it's going to the kids. Right. Um, but yeah, like ultimately that will happen when the time is right, and it's gonna be tricky because there's just a lot of emotion and it is scary. It's just scary. And and I think um, like, you know, I guess yeah, these these words that people said before that now I know are real, like trauma bond, right? Yeah, that when you're with someone since you're a kid, you know, there is it's just a weird thing, you know. Like I said before, I will always love that person, not because he's the father of my kids, because I truly loved him. And and that doesn't mean anything more than that. Like, I I have a love for that person, and that's just who I am.

SPEAKER_02

Like you still have a love for that person, but you're not in love with that.

SPEAKER_01

No, but if he was like hurt or something, I'm I would feel bad, like for sure. Like I I just would. You and I are not one in the same way. I know, and it's annoying, but like I know it's but that's how I feel. But but so uh it it would be it will be a very different love. Yeah, it will be a very different like situation, yeah. Um, which is probably a good thing, but that it's almost like I guess this is how do you protect yourself going into a new relationship again?

SPEAKER_02

Like what like what what are you gonna do different?

SPEAKER_01

Just I way more closed off, which is probably not a great thing, but way more closed off. Um I look for like the solid things though, like the consistencies in a person, like you're consistently doing and saying like your words are aligning with your actions. This is what I'm interested in. Super important. Uh this is what I'm interested in.

SPEAKER_02

Because if not, no more empty promises, we're all yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01

And the empty promises because that trickles to the kids, you know, like and again, who I'm dating, my kids are dating. So that's just that's just the way it's gotta be. But for sure, uh solid and just um just I hate to say it, but like the deception, you know. Like I I know that there was uh, you know, I'll just say like obviously the infidelity on b on both ends here in this marriage, but that's not what I mean by betrayal. When I say betrayal, I'm talking like the depths of betrayal that this person went to probably to save himself, but to destroy me at the same time. That takes a very, very dark person. And those are the things that you have to be so careful of because that stuff can be hidden and it's just it's just scary. And all the money in the world doesn't matter. Yeah. Because what matters is the people, the like your kids, yourself, your self-worth. Those things matter more than any material thing, any of that bullshit. None of that matters. You can always get it again, and I will. Yeah, you know, none of that matters. What matters, what matters is like your faith, your your your good friends that you have that support you, and your kids, you know. Like who who how are my kids ever gonna grow up to be great humans if not for like us? This this is what they have. This is the art, this is the job. Yeah, and and God is allowing me to have this job right now, so this is what I'm doing. You know, but um but yes, business is always just around the corner. And I feel like you we are in a very good position right now where we can be in these negotiations with going forward with something, but we are not like chomping at the bit to get it right now. It's gonna be perfect, it's gonna be something magical, and it will and it will happen, but it's gonna happen like on our terms, you know, God's terms, I guess. And if somebody has a certain wedding song, run. Oh gosh, do you want me to say what that's bring it up? Um, our wedding song was a band, it's a lovely song, but it's this it's a band by the name of Parachute, and the song title is She is Love. And the first, and you don't this didn't dawn on me until like so long later. But the the opening line is and it's the man speak singing, and he says, I've been beaten down, kicked around, and she takes it all for me. That would imply like your previous relationship, right? So when I hear those words now, I'm like, wait a minute, you weren't beaten down and kicked around by your ex. I'm pretty sure you were the one doing all that too. So I don't know if that's like psychologically like the pattern of it scares me because I'm like, I don't really know if he'll ever see his actions, or you know, obviously there was never remorse in my marriage, not one time for any anything. So I don't know how that plays, but it's just I mean, it really is like it's a lovely song.

SPEAKER_02

A lot of people pick it, but it's like I feel like it goes back, it goes back to like the fact that like he always played the victim, yeah, but he was never the victim, he was always the aggressor, yeah. So it just like goes back to that like frustration of it's like, how could you sit there and like play the role as like the victim when you're like the one that's doing all the bad things?

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. And again, it takes takes too, like, I think. I mean, I'm just gonna say this now, and we could cut it, I don't care. But there was a time we were together, and someone, I don't know if they text you or me and you read it, and they were like, rumor has it, like Sunny was the aggressor. Do you remember hearing that or seeing that? It was a client of mine. And I just like paid no mind to it, but I was like, Yeah, are you fucking kidding me right now? But here's the thing with with my ex, here is the thing. This is straight up. If he wanted it to look that way, one thousand percent it would. Yeah, you keep paying Aaron saying carrot if you want. That's why I just like didn't because I'm like, was there there was a time we like rolled around on the garage, but uh, but they don't know what happened like in the in the house right before.

SPEAKER_02

The moments leading up to that, exactly.

SPEAKER_01

But it's okay because if that if he like and he did master of videos and all these things, like, okay, so go ahead, but I will have to live with that. But I was not the aggressor in this situation. I am less than half the size of this person. Absolutely not. And by the way, you don't get hit in the back of the head with a golf ball or kicked in the back or the stomach. You don't when you're already on the floor, you're not a threat to anybody. Never and you know, and I assume people maybe were saying maybe were saying that because of the times that I like went after him. That was hard to, you know, I was like such a mess just trying to get it. Like I did, I toyed it, and like that's so known. I yeah, I didn't know what to do. My world was falling apart and I didn't handle it well.

SPEAKER_02

And and I feel like even during those like psycho girl moments, it wasn't that's terrible.

SPEAKER_00

It's fine.

SPEAKER_02

But you it wasn't like you were an aggressor, it was like you were chasing him because yeah, you were desperate to like and he knew fix things or apologize or take accountability. Like it wasn't like you were chasing him to go beat the shit out of him. No, it was never like that.

SPEAKER_01

You know, I started catching on to that. That's one of the reasons I did walk away because towards the end of San Diego, when again he was seeing me over like two criminal protective orders. I don't know how you're not scared, like you what? But I am. It's like even though they were court orders, oh, they he was basically like that piece of paper doesn't mean shit. And they actually do, and I don't even know if I told you in San Diego, he was like leaving me stranded, like everywhere. But I started catching on. I was like, I think that he's leaving me stranded so that I could go run after him or or call a million times. This was very like mind manipulation. So again, I would have to sit in the same place and just wait for him to come back, all the while he's driving by in his truck calling me every name in the book. Like it was just so degrading, so degrading and awful. Um, but I did start to kind of wake up there because I wasn't drinking and I was like, This this cannot be right. Like, this is not normal at all.

SPEAKER_02

Now that like all these things have happened, so much time has passed, your phone number got changed, you lost touch with a lot of people from your life. Like, are there people in your life that like now that you're healed and you're doing better, like on this path that like you want to bring back into your life that were in the past?

SPEAKER_01

Like, I of course, like my friendships. Uh like I said before, you know, I my friendships meant and mean the world to me. I've always been that kind of friend. I always will. Yeah, your friendship means the world to me. My close friends, I absolutely would love them to be back in my life, and I don't know what that looks like. And sometimes I I just gave it distance because I a lot of them were afraid, they told me that they were afraid of him, yeah, or that I would go back. And I understood that. And they have kids, and they, you know, I totally understand that. And then whatever other narrative was was spun around, you know, parts could be true, parts weren't. But yes, I absolutely put a lot of value in friendships. I always have, and I would love those people to come back, and maybe they just don't know my number. Yeah, I don't know. Like, I literally don't, but yes, like this is partially why we're doing this to get myself out there and to I feel like that is like one of my biggest hopes for you going through this and like going public with it.

SPEAKER_02

Just know I am her wife now. Yeah, and whoever comes back into her life has to be screened by me because I am super overprotective over everything that you've done. Yeah, but I do hope that you know you did have a lot of good people in your life. And I really do believe because I did go through it with you through like a lot of the thick of it. I wholeheartedly believe that a lot of the people that walked away walked away because of him. I believe that. And because they were at a place where they didn't know how to handle the situation, they were scared, they didn't want to get involved, they knew that you weren't ready to leave. Yeah, and they were like, I this is like drama for me. And they need I can't. I gotta focus on my own mental health, my own family, and I just can't.

SPEAKER_01

And I respect that, and we're all adults, and so yeah, and thank you for bringing this up because I would have never, but I do, I absolutely terribly miss the friendships, and and it has been a little bit hard with like no connection in that way. Like obviously you and I are very close, but yeah, yeah, to have those those connections that I've had since I am 19 years old or whatever, or even younger, it's yeah, yeah, you miss it, you know. And and it's like you you want to like scream, but there you you when people are already, or I guess they're ready, but yeah, I do feel like it was I was made very difficult to find, I'm sure. Um, and that's okay too. I know we joke that a lot of people probably probably thought you were dead. They probably did, but they probably did. That's like 100%, I'm sure they did. Or they were just like her shit's not together. Yeah. She and that's fine too. So, but like I said, you know, it's been and that this this time with the kids of healing was needed, and that and that was like that was it. Like, okay, nothing else mattered.

SPEAKER_02

I the best way to describe it is like, yeah, you were like in a cocoon. 100%. You were like sheltered, didn't care and changing and didn't care about anything else going on in the outside world. It was just you and those two kids and like going through this like internal journey and like now you've become this like butterfly and like you're not fully healed. You're not fully there yet. I'm ready.

SPEAKER_01

Like I'm just you're ready to like get back out there and like you know with business coming like I just am so ready to to go forward in like a positive way. And it's taken so long to get there but I do believe like I don't feel different than I did before like way before. It's like I'm still the same sunny I never really changed. I just went through this like really terrible situation.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah and you're always gonna have a battle like no matter what you're always gonna battle your ex until your kids are 18.

SPEAKER_01

I hope not well my heart says I know but I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I know but it's you know this person is always going to have some type of aspect in your life. He's always gonna hold some type of aspect in your life and it's just learning how to cope with that yeah but not let that send you back into a tailspin.

SPEAKER_01

Let me just say this and I don't know if people think this is crazy but this is the truth. What I would love if for the the family situation if and I know you're gonna punch me in the face right now but like if no you're not but if like all was everyone's like better okay like in 10 years would I love to have like his side our side sit down as like a whole family that there is like nothing more and he knows it that I would have wanted than that. There's been so much damage done and it's not going to be anytime soon but for our kids for all four of those kids like 1000% that is something that I would have done I don't know but but that's like the fairy tale you know just so that the kids could he everyone could be like we can do this you know I just don't know I I honestly don't know if he's strong enough to do that. I I for sure could have if there was like no orders in place at a very very later time. Right. I hope we can be our kids' weddings together and you know that that would be heartbreaking if we couldn't you know but but that might be I just don't know and I'm not gonna fight a battle forever but I will fight for these kids till the day that I die for sure.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah thank you guys for watching um we are excited for other topics coming up and more positive things. Guest hosts hopefully yes and uh you can continue listening to the Human Sunshine podcast on all major platforms. Thank you.