Episode 1 The Compass of the Heart

In this episode we have a conversation with Kelli Sears about Personal Values: How to identify your core biblical values and use them as a filter for making decisions, setting boundaries, and saying "no" to the good to say "yes" to the best.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Hey ladies, welcome to Radiant Women Podcast. Man, I am so excited for our conversation today. We have the beautiful Pastor Kelly joining us, and we want to dive right in. Yeah. So today we're going to be talking about finding our values and really connecting that to our purpose. And how do we say our best yes? You know, what is worthy of our time? I'm always reminded when I talk about purpose and values, I'm always reminded of the scripture in Proverbs, it talks about guarding your heart where everything else in your life flows from it. And so our heart really, that's a picture of what is inside of us. What's our values? What do we long for? What's what are we driving towards? Um, you know, our purpose in that. So I'd love to dive in and just talk about, you know, how important it is to make sure we're finding our purpose and and what we're called to step into. So talk to us, Pastor Kelly, about that. I know you have some wonderful thoughts on purpose. What does that look like in our lives? Well, sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Um, Ephesians 2 tells us that we are his workmanship. And so I think about that and I think about him as a master craftsman. That should give us such life esteem because it means that we're here on purpose for a purpose. Yeah. The intentionality of God is amazing. Yeah. Like, why do I have a different DNA than all of the billions of people that have lived throughout the generations? It's because there's a unique stamp of the Holy Spirit on my life. So when I understand that and when I embrace that, then I've got to ask the all-important question: why am I here? So that's what speaks to purpose. But I think that sometimes we would rather have a plan when God wants us to walk a path. Yeah. So I think, I think we start with values. I think we we look um in scripture first, and then we also, you know, uh survey our lives for what's important to us.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

And I think the process has to begin in prayer. Yes, absolutely. I think we have to set aside the time to ask the Holy Spirit because honestly, sometimes we don't know ourselves as well as God knows us. And the Holy Spirit's job is to guide us into all truth. So why wouldn't he guide us into the truth about ourselves and what God has planned and what he has in mind for us? Right. And so I think we need to open our spiritual ears, open our spiritual eyes, and see and hear what the Holy Spirit is saying to us about why we are here, what we're about. And he can show us what we value if we take the time to reflect and to pray.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

And in and the and the word even tells us, right? And we're like Jeremiah 29, 11, right? For I know the plans I have for you. Like God has set something for all of us. We're all called to walk in purpose. And I know it can change sometimes too in the seasons that we're in. You know, I think we I think we can have an overarching, you know, purpose and call in our life, but how it's played out maybe looks different in different seasons. And so I think these quite some of the questions we'll kind of talk through today, like these are great questions to ask throughout your life. And even now, like reevaluating every year, I sit and I'm like, all right, Lord, like what is it you're calling me to walk into, you know, this year? What is it you're asking me to do for this season? And so I think it's it's such a great thing to talk through and just kind of process. Um, I I think you're right though, in finding that purpose, it does connect with our values. So, what are what are some of the ways that you have defined your values in your life?

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Um I would say that you know, a lot of times you revisit your childhood and you start to see a pattern. How have people related to you? What has been important to you? I know you might talk about this a little bit too, but a few years ago, uh, our our good friend, our mutual friend, Jim Wiegand, who's a wonderful pastor and leader in Michigan, he was with us, maybe even for a staff meeting or something, and he posed three questions. He said, What fills you, what thrills you, and what kills you? Yes. And so I really thought that through and I thought there are different things that really pull at my heartstrings than other people, like the things that I care about, some uh some people don't care about. Right. And some of the things that are less important to me are really passionate points for other people. And so we begin to ask those kinds of questions. And what makes my heart beat faster? I know for me, one of the things that uh I just get thrilled about is when I convey some kind of wisdom, either from the word of God or some spiritual truth, or something I've gained through my own experience, and it makes a light bulb go on for another person. Like that absolutely thrills me. So then I know that I value education and I value the transference of knowledge. Right. And so it helped me understand that one of my primary spiritual gifts is teaching. So I think spiritual gifts align with our values as well and relate to the path or the purpose that God has for us.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

I love that. And that's something very similar to kind of how I have drilled into some of the values in my own life too. I've I've looked at the language of like what are my joy points and what are my pain points. Yeah. And what I found to be true is I love that. Like we have our joy points, like things that we love. You know, there's certain things that just I love doing. Like I love um hosting parties. Like that's it sounds silly, but it's one of my spiritual gifts is hosting parties. But I found that that's because one of my values that I have is I I find great value in creating an atmosphere for people to feel celebrated and feel loved and and you know, just seen. And so that's that's been a value in my life. But on the opposite spectrum too, I I've always like tried to look at through like, okay, what's my pain points? So those are just those are some good questions to ask. If you're trying to figure out, well, what are the values? How do you define that? Because defining them in your life is very important. And so ask that question, you know, what fills you, what thrills you, what strains you, what's your, what's your joy points in life, but also what are your pain points in life? So I don't know if you found this to be true or not too, but for me, in looking at my pain points in life, I have felt like the Lord has called me. He's saying, you know, this is something you need to incorporate as a value in your life. And, you know, out of your pain can can come ministry and come healing. And so I'll give you a great example. One of my pain points in just life growing up, you go back to your childhood. I love that you mentioned that, yeah, is is just been confidence. Like that has been a struggle of having confidence in my life growing up. Like I've never been a very confident person until these last handful of years when the Lord is like, He has been encouraging that. And he's saying, Listen, this is a pain point in your life.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

And so what I have said is like, okay, if this is a pain point in my life, what's the opposite of, you know, not having confidence? Okay, well, it's walking in confidence, right? And so that is now a value I have been cultivating in my life. And so now I'm able to say, oh no, what, what, what does that look like to walk in confidence? And now I use it as a ministry, even too, to say, hey, one of the things God's calling me to do is to help other people walk in confidence. Here's here's what that can look like. So, all that to say, I think we can learn from both those high points in our life and the low points in our life to really define what is most important to us. What do we value? Now, talk to me about some of the non-negotiable values. I think that we should also talk through, because there's some things, just as a Christian woman, there are certain values I think we should all carry across the board. Talk to me about some of those.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

I agree with that 100%. Um and the thing about conducting our life, we always want to conduct our life in a way that is worthy of the calling to which we've been called. That is a scripture. Yes. And so, um, not that we're trying to prove to Jesus that we were worth it. I'm not talking about that, right? But I'm talking about I'm called and I'm devoted to Jesus. And so there are certain things that are non-negotiables. I feel like walking in forgiveness, the value, valuing forgiveness and grace and mercy is an essential. So, kind of if you look at the commands of Jesus as found in the Beatitudes, you can start to draw out some universal values that we should all have. Uh care for the poor. Right. Yes. And the downtrodden. Yes. Passion for the lost is a non-negotiable as far as I'm concerned. Living a life of integrity, because the scripture is rife with uh scriptures that talk about making sure that no man has offense against you or that you can't, you're walking in such integrity that you can't even be accused of wrongdoing. Right. So that you glorify your father in heaven. Right. So I think the foundation of all of those biblical values, and there are many, probably too many to even name, but the foundation for living out those values is that we want to represent Christ in the world in a way that's worthy of him. Yeah. And I I love this phrase so much call uh that that people say all the time, they may they may only see Jesus in you. That may be the only Jesus they see. Or um, let's be Jesus with skin on, right? Not that, not that we've ever attained to the perfection of Jesus or that we're the one that died for people. But because we are his representatives, we are, yeah, and we've been assigned the ministry of reconciliation, yeah, some of our values just need to be part of our life and are non-negotiables for the Christian life. Absolutely. Purity is another one. Yes. Yes. We really, especially in this culture, I think purity is a value that's highly esteemed now and recognized. Yeah. Because people are looking for the real McCoy. They're looking for a genuine article.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Yes, it stands out among the people. It does stand out. Yes, because it's countercultural at this point to walk in purity. Well, it's countercultural to live out a lot of Christian values, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

It is, it is, but that is also what people are seeking and what they're drawn to.

SPEAKER_01 11:59

Yes. So true. And there is, there's so much to take from that. I think it's really good to remember all of our values, whether it's personal values, like things that I have learned or walked through or enjoy, the things that I value, or if it's just biblical values, we gotta, we have to filter all of that through the word of God. We and remember like that's the ultimate authority. And so making sure things align with the word of God when we're walking through and filling out and you know, processing through what our values are. Does this align with the word of God? I think that's a really good question to ask ourselves as well.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

You know, it's really fun. Um throughout our whole family life, my husband, and he still does this all the time, asks our kids, our grandkids, and me, or he'll say, What's my last name? So he loves to say, What's our last name? Sears. Yeah. You know, when our kids were little, Sears, you know, and then and then what he's asking us is, what do we value as a family? Right. For our family, hard work is a very important thing. Yeah. For our family, having a good name is a very important value. Um, treating others as we would like to be treated is an important value. Showing mercy to those that are less fortunate than us. Yeah. And so I think that is a fun thing to think about too, as we are parenting and maybe some people have not established a family yet, but just to think about what are we known for as a person and then extending that.

SPEAKER_02 13:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

What are we teaching our children?

SPEAKER_02 13:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

What is our family known for? You know, they used to do family crests. Oh, right. A lot of the values would be, I know, right? A lot of those values would be inherent in the family crest. Yes. And they actually wore it on their person and put it on their house. That's so good. And so I think that's a neat thing to think about too.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

I love that thought. You know, one thing that I have started doing with my oldest, who's 14 and a half, is we've, he's in getting into high school. And so the last year or so, we've been having conversations. And I ask him this question a lot. And I say, What kind of person do you want to be?

SPEAKER_00 14:25

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

What, what, what are your top five values in life? What kind of person do you want? Because now is the time you're deciding that, you're building that. Like, I I've taught him all that I know how to teach him. And I'm, but he's beginning, you know, high school, you hit that age and like it's they've got to make those decisions. They've got to make their mistakes, they've got to decide who they want to be. So I ask him all the time, like, what what kind of person do you want to be? And there's a few we've really settled on. Like, he wants to be a person that waits till marriage to to have sex. He wants to live in that purity, right? He's like, I want to be a hard worker. Like, there's certain things. And so, even at a young age, being able to ask that question, what kind of person do you want to be? Because you get to decide now. Do you want to be the kind of person that, you know, is kind? Do you want to be the kind of person that's, you know, walks in purity, that walks in this? Whatever it is, really boil that down and maybe pick the top five that works for you. And he has to process that. Right. I think we have to learn to process that for our own lives too. What, what are those things? What kind of person do you want to be? Or are you? Where, where do we, you know, where do we find that from? It really boils down to digging out those, those values. So I love that. That's really including the kids in that.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

So that's really fascinating because um, you know, they've done a lot of studies related to this concept that you're talking about. Um, even books written on habits, yeah, they say don't people don't. I've heard this. People don't want to be told what to do. Right. They want to be told who they are.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Okay. So if we can, if we can speak to the values that are inherent in people or the values they want to strive for, and we can start with very young children.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

And it can, it can just be our vernacular. Don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Or we could say, I know you're not a person that wants to be like that. Yeah. It seems nuanced, but I think it's so important. And it it speaks to our image. We're made in the image of God. Yes. And to our identity. And so the issues that we're talking about are super important. And I think a lot of times uh people reject rules and pointing fingers and a list of do's and don'ts. Yes. But if we can speak to who people are and appeal to what their heart wants, which is basically what values are. Yeah. What does your heart want? Yes. How do we get in touch with that? Yep. And then put it under this beautiful spiritual covering of what scripture says about us and to us about us.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Yep. That's so beautiful. I love it. I think this is so wonderful. Hopefully these questions help you as you guys process what your values are. I know this helps me a lot, even just to refresh on what are my core, what are those core values? If I had to narrow down to top five, can you write down your top five values? And what I think is also um wonderful is how these values propel us into our purpose. Yes. So if you don't take the time to really drill down like what are your values in life, I think that's when we run into trouble of not feeling like we're walking in our calling or we're walking in our purpose or, you know, walking in what God has called us to do is like I first I have to understand what's what's important to me. So that when doors and opportunities come and and and life is happening, it helps us to say yes to certain things. I think a a lot of times I hear this question. You probably hear this question all the time too, is well, what's my purpose? You know, what's my purpose in life? I don't know if you hear this question a lot. I hear it a lot. What's my purpose in life? And I think a better question to ask is like, well, what are your values? Because I think your values will drive a lot of that. Now I know you have you have a great story of just you what God has spoken to you, values in your life, and how that's played out in the purpose that God has placed in your heart and life. So talk to us about that a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 18:43

For sure. Um I'm I'm introspective by nature. Maybe that's one of my values is I seek self-awareness, right? Um, real quick, I was thinking about John the revelator, and he gets a really bad rap in scripture because he refers to himself as the disciple that Jesus loved. Right. But I'd like to flip that on its head and say um that maybe John needed a greater revelation of Christ's love. I think he had it because maybe he struggled with receiving love. Yeah. And so then God spoke into what he needed most, and then he valued that most in the end. And he he said more about love in scripture than any other writer in the gospels. And so uh, in looking at that from my own life, I uh started probably this search in my early 20s, just having this sense that I wanted to live out my destiny before God. And uh, and so I remember I was reading in the scriptures one day and I was marinating all this in the presence of the Lord, and a scripture in Acts came out, just jumped off the page at me, like scripture can sometimes when you're praying about something. And it said that David was a godly man in his generation. Yeah. And the Holy Spirit just showed me that I wanted to be a godly woman in my generation. That's what created my path. But I had to tie all the things that I valued to that. Um, one of the things I value is to be a communicator of truth. Yeah. Um, and I just have to happen to have a knack for talking. I always have. And so I go back to my childhood and I love to talk. Um, and so being behind a microphone doesn't make me nervous. Right. But do you see how that's different than most people? Yeah. And then also I just I just valued um imparting truth. And so then I open myself up to opportunities to teach and uh to train and mentor because I love all of that. And so to be a godly woman, my generation maybe may sound really general. And it's been reflected in a million ways in the last 64 years, right? But it is my path and it speaks to all the values in my life, yeah, and and what I love to do and what makes my heart beat faster, and who I associate with and what ministries I'm drawn to. So all of those things are really, they really all go together. They dovetail. You really can't understand your purpose until you know what you value, yeah, and what people group you're drawn to, you know.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

Tell me about how having the same, that set path, like you, you've walked in that calling in many different ways. Talk to me about that. How does that, how does that purpose stay the same, but it's played out differently in different seasons, in different, you know, times in your life. So talk to me about that. How has that plan look different in different seasons of your life?

SPEAKER_00 21:52

Oh, that's so fun to get to answer that question. I think that we have to be very careful that we're not trying to wait for that huge moment in our lives.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Okay. And I think when I was younger, I thought that my life would crescendo in one moment of glory. Right. Right.

unknown 22:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Really, like maybe one day I'll speak in front of thousands. You know, or whatever, because that's kind of the values that our culture can put on us. Oh, yeah. What is Instagram worthy? You know, what will really make a splash in the world, right? But what I've noticed about my path is it's the million little things that no one will ever take a picture of. Yeah, that maybe most people won't even know about. But I I'll use a great example from my life. So one of the highlights of my life was um pastoring CFC and being in a really largely administrative role, which I always crack up about because that's what I got paid for, but that's not what I loved doing the most, really, right? I have strong leadership skills and I have strong administrative skills. Um and I value organization and details. Right. Okay. But um, and so that made me good at it. But I really loved people and the teaching aspect and the mentoring aspect of it. So I really loved that. But if anyone thinks my life was over when I passed the baton um for and the mantle for that, um, that was a role and a function. Right. Yes. And so from there, I was a little disoriented at first, but then God showed me that once a pastor, always a pastor, once a teacher, always a teacher, that it could be in the small moments and the big moments, and sometimes the most impactful things we can do is when no one's watching and no one's noticing. Yeah. But that person in front of you is every bit as loved and valued by God. And so it's the words of wisdom that I've spoken at coffee. And now I've transitioned to this role as a director of the nesting place. And so really I'm pastoring a staff of eight and whatever mamas are in our house. Yeah. Now, maybe to some people, they might think that that's smaller. Not for me. Yeah. It's the next step in my journey. Right. It's the next thing that God put in front of me on my path. And it's every bit as enriching and rewarding, and every bit a great use of my values and my skills, my talents, my calling. And it's part of my destiny.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Yeah. It doesn't change even if a season changes. It doesn't. I think that's we can get mixed up a lot when a season changes and feel like, well, what's my purpose now? It's lost. My purpose has been lost, you know. It's like, no, the purpose, the calling remains. You are called of God. You have a purpose from God. We all do. And so even if a season change changes or it looks a little bit different, knowing that rooted in Christ, yes, we still are walking that out in different seasons.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

I think it's important for every person, particularly every women, woman that's listening uh to this right now, to understand that whatever season of life you're in, or if if your life seems is seemingly small in comparison, it's not. Yeah. That every path, you know, there's a great value in work getting done. Right. Right? We all are so interconnected. So the ladies that were in the kitchen preparing meals for a family that had just lost their loved one, or the sweet mamas in the nursery that are caring for babies so that other mamas can get baptized or listen to a life-transforming sermon, those might seem small in the world's eyes, but they're huge. And I think at times they were more important in the lives of the women that I got to teach or mentor or be in front of. Yeah. And I think we're always tempted to look at platform ministries and want to attain to that. Right. That's what's important. That's what needs to happen in order to get notoriety or to be important in God's economy. But I think the opposite is true. I think if we raise children that love Jesus, I think if we're a nana that's there when our grandkids need us, I think whatever season or walk of life we're in, God can use us. Amen. And so I don't think that we should dare say to the Lord, I'm not important and what I'm doing isn't important.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

As long as we're living into the values that he's called us to and we're living out the destiny that he prepared for us in advance to do, we're doing everything he wants. Yeah. And that's all that matters. So good.

SPEAKER_01 27:33

I love that. That is so wonderful. With that in mind, I think before we wrap up, I I would love to maybe talk through how do you then, knowing your your purpose and your calling in life, you've identified values in your life so well. How do you take that into consideration so that you can give your best yes when opportunities or you know things come? How do we, how do we then have a good yes? How do we have our best yes with all of this in mind?

SPEAKER_00 28:05

You know what they say? If you say yes to everything, you're really saying no to everything. Or if you if you believe that all things are possible, then nothing is possible. Right. And so, and it's not one of my favorite scriptures, but there is a scripture that says let your yes be yes and your no be no. Yeah. And so I know we've all heard it that there's an adage that says, um, if you're saying yes to one thing, you're saying no to something else. Right. But it's absolutely true. It is, yes. So I've I've always said that a need does not necessitate a call. Here's the other thing, too. We can get in other people's way when um, because like we said, what thrills you, what kills you, what what fills you is different for each person. True. And so if we're trying to be everything to all people, that's not necessarily how we can live out our purpose in the earth. Right. When we clearly, and I I I suggest every woman that hears us to go on this journey if they haven't been on it yet, and to continue the journey if they're on it, to find our values and our purpose individually, that informs what we say yes to, right? And what we say no to. And it leaves space for everyone else to fulfill their purpose. You know, um, Paul was very clear in Romans uh 12 to talk just about the body of Christ. Yeah. And how we're all working together. Yep. And so I can't be the eye, the nose, and the ear at the same time. What? All of them are valuable, right? And they all serve a different purpose.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

And they work together, but they're all equally important. And I've got to find out if I am the eye. Or if I am the ear, right. Or if I am the mouth. Right. I'm probably the mouth.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

It aligns perfectly.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

But do you see how important that is that we that we really take seriously the clarion call that I feel today to really identify our values and our purpose. Yeah. And make sure that we're staying in our lane, so to speak. Yeah. So that we leave room for others and so that we really can give our best yes. Because that's all God asks of us. Yeah. And so if we think everything's important, then nothing's important. So good. And the Holy Spirit is so gracious. He's not at ease. When we ask him, he will answer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

He will. I love that. That's beautiful. And can I just say this? I think I think it'd be great to close with this. If you're gonna have your best yes, walk in your purpose and calling, you have to know better. And oh better.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Very good. Thank you for that, Pastor Amanda.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

Someone is gonna receive that word today. Know better. You have to say no to something so that you can say yes to the right thing, to what God is calling you to step into, what is in alignment with your values? Great questions we can ask is does this align with my values? Is this something that is gonna um help me walk in the purpose I feel like God's called me to? Uh, does this align with scripture? Those are really great questions to ask. And then does this help me in my rhythms too? I think that's also an important question to ask as we walk in our purpose, is is I found that it should be, it should be fun. Yeah, it's gonna be hard work, but it's it shouldn't drain you so much that you're feeling stressed and exhausted. And, you know, God doesn't call us to walk into chaos. No, he wants us to have a peace and a joy in that. So is this bringing peace and joy and excitement into your life? I didn't say it's not bringing hard work because hard work comes. But does that bring excitement? Does it fit within your rhythm of life? Um, so all really great, great questions. So you have to know better to give your best yes. Any final words before we go? Any encouragements you have for the ladies listening today?

SPEAKER_00 32:35

I'll just say uh I'll end with a scripture. And it's it's become kind of a lifetime scripture for me just because Jesus brings it back to me all the time because I need to hear it. It's like John having a great revelation of love. Jesus brings me a great revelation of rest.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

And he simply says, and the words are in red. So Jesus spoke this. He said, Come to me. All you who are weary and heavy laden, learn from me. Yes, because I am meek and lowly, and I will give you rest. And I think that it is a humbling thing to say to the Lord, show me who I am and help me to be just that.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Because when we get into that flow, when we do learn from him, then we do walk in this beautiful rest. Yeah. Not necessarily from our labors, but a heart rest. And I have to bring it back to what you started with. And that is to submit your heart to the Lord because out of that springs all of life. Amen. Absolutely. So that's what we've been talking about today.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

I love it. Thank you for joining us. We so love having you. I love having you and getting to have such fun conversations. And so I appreciate you so much. We look forward to having you back on podcast again. And I just want to say thank you so much. Thank you for joining us. It was a blast. I hope that this was an encouragement for you today.