Episode 3 - The Ministry of "Home"

In this episode, we discuss:

• Rhythms over Balance: Why seeking perfect balance is a trap, and how to embrace the natural "ebbs and flows" of family life.
• The Power of the Pivot: Moving from a rigid, "Type A" schedule to a flexible posture that saves your joy.
• Grieving vs. Celebrating: How to live fully in the moment without prematurely grieving a season before it's over (plus a reminder that grief and gratitude can walk hand in hand!).
• Practical Mom Hacks: Real-life wisdom for every age group—including slowing down to a toddler's pace (featuring a beautiful miracle story about a green frog 🐸) and transitioning your relationship with adult children.
• Family Traditions: Simple, meaningful ideas for birthdays and holidays that anchor your family, even as the kids grow up.

Key Takeaway: "Will this alter their eternity? If it's not, then it's just my opinion and I can hang on to it." — Lidia

No matter what season of motherhood you find yourself in today—whether you are changing diapers, navigating middle school, or marrying off your eldest—there is encouragement, laughter, and deep wisdom waiting for you in this conversation.

Hit play and let’s dive in!

Transcript

Speaker 0:25 Speaker 2 0:30 Speaker 4 0:56

Welcome to Radiant Women Podcast. Man, I'm always so excited, but I am truly actually extra excited for today's episode because I have two special guests with me today. We are doubling up and we are gonna talk about the ministry of home. Oh so good. So there's gonna be so much fun things that you're gonna be able to take out of today. But I have my friends Lydia and Asunda with me today. Why don't you guys take a moment as we get started just to introduce yourself? And I would love to hear introduce your kids too. I would love to start with that. So okay.

Speaker 2 1:32

Well, I'll start. I'm Asun. Um, and I have four kiddos. Declan is our eldest, he is seven. Zaydan is our next, he's five. And then we have two little girls, Eva, she is three, and Emery uh is just about to be two by the time this airs. She'll she'll probably be two. I know. Oh gosh. So she was two. She's born yesterday. No, when we moved here, I was still in the baby wearing. I mean, she's eighty baby. I know. Yeah.

Speaker 1:59

Oh, yeah. So fast.

unknown 2:00

I know.

Speaker 2:01

Gosh, fast. Um, so I'm Lydia. My name is Lydia, and um, most of the time I'm Lydia. Um today, today's Lydia, yeah. Uh but um I do have four children as well, two boys, two girls. My older son is 23, and um Michael and Timothy is 17. Um, Elizabeth is about to be 16 um in about two a few weeks. And um, and Victoria, Victoria is 14. Yes, and now I also have an incredible daughter-in-law, and her name is Taylor. Yes, yes, we're gonna have a mother-in-law now too. Love that.

Speaker 4 2:37

That's fun. Wow, I love it. And if you guys don't know, if you're listening today, I have two boys. So I have Jeremiah, who's uh 14, he's gonna be 15 in just a couple weeks, and uh Javen, who's 10. And so, yeah, we all have a variety of ages and stages. And so my hope today is a ladies, we can kind of dig in and get a little bit of wisdom for each season. So if you're listening, no matter what season of parenting you are in, there is some takeaways for you. Um, and first and foremost, I wanted to just jump right in and kind of start with the idea of balance. Because a lot of times we feel like we are we're trying to balance so many things and we're holding on to, you know, all these different hats and schedules and you know, all the things. And I had this realization several years ago that balance is actually a lie. And if you're trying to balance everything, something's gonna drop.

Speaker 1 3:39

Yeah.

Speaker 4 3:39

And we don't we don't want to drop things, but what we do have, what is reasonable, is rhythms. Yeah. Like rhythms is it. It's not balance, it's those seasons of rhythms. And it's it's almost like if you want to picture rhythms, I always think of like an ocean. Like the waves come in and they go out and they come in and they go out, and there's seasons where it's really crazy for a minute, and then it comes, you know, it should come back in a little bit, it's a little more chill, and then we go back out. Um, so I'd love to talk with that um first. Talk about that first is man, what do we do in our seasons? How do you manage those seasons um to where you're not focusing on balance, but rhythms? What kind of rhythms have you established in your families for your children?

Speaker 2 4:26

Yeah, I love I love that. I think um really early on in motherhood when I only had one baby, I did not view life in rhythms. It was very much like systems, schedules, deadlines. And I think that some of that rigidity and inflexibility um cost me a lot of joy. Yeah, of that in those early days. And so thankfully the Lord is always working on us. Um, but really embracing that, you know, when you're when you're in the baby stage, you realize, okay, like there, there are, there's a cycle to every day. It's you know, when typically nap time happens, sleep time. And so I think that rhythms can get established pretty early on as a family unit. And you have the rhythm of the day, but then you also have, you know, the rhythm of each week. And I think that one of the greatest tools that we have with rhythms of life is have the power of pivot, you know, just knowing when something needs to shift or to change and it being okay at not being the end of the world when you have to change plans. And so um I went into motherhood being much more type A than I am today. And I think uh yeah, just the flexibility. Um, I know that they've looked different each, you know, depending on how old the kiddos are. But now that I kind of have, you know, seven, five, three, and two, um, the rhythm of our day is is really beautiful. We homeschool, so it's super important um, you know, to gauge how each kid is gonna respond to lessons during what times. And um I think that the things that we try to make sure always is happening is there's lots of physical activity for the kids because that helps directly with behavior and sleep and even eating, it helps with everything. So um making sure they're getting outside a lot has been a good rhythm for us, and then um, you know, power focus hours and stuff for I like that.

Speaker 6:22

I think I agree with with my first son. I was definitely focused on systems and balance so much that I missed moments that were so important, and because I was so rigid about like, but this is what we do at 8 p.m. or but this is what we do on Friday at 8 p.m. And then I started losing the moments and the very important moments, and I saw the need to for the rhythm more so rather than an actual like balanced or scheduled thing. Yeah, so true. Same, yeah.

Speaker 4 6:53

It must be like that, must be a thing.

Speaker 2 6:55

It must be a thing, like a first time mom when you're like super kid, just bypass all of those.

Speaker 4 7:01

Yeah, just start as if it's keep it, let's keep it. Have you guys heard of the type C mom? Okay, I feel like this is like this is like a new type. So you have usually you have like type A where you're like super, you have the list and you have every possible band-aid and anything in your purpose. Yeah, and then you have the type B who's like the super chill, like just everyone's like, but there's a type C now, which is like you're basically both type A and type B. And I'm like, that's me.

Speaker 7:26

Yeah, I feel me. I feel like everybody becomes as a type A mom and then like graduate to the type C. Yeah, hopefully eventually.

Speaker 4 7:34

There's some things like I'm super strict about still, but I'm like, I've totally it's fine. We've learned a lot of pivoting. So I love I love that pivot.

Speaker 3 7:44

Power of the pivot pivot. Power of pivot. It's a good lesson to learn.

unknown 7:48

So helpful.

Speaker 4 7:51

Oh, well, why don't you guys talk to me? I think one of our main struggles, maybe I'm just preaching to myself today, but is learning how to embrace the seasons because my kids are getting older, right? I have one that's it's his, he's in high school and I have one. I almost cried the other day. I was like reading a Mother's Day card and uh no, it was Mother's Day poem. He wrote me like five poems, my youngest son, and he's in fourth grade. And I was thinking about it, I was like, oh my gosh, I have one more year of getting these like super cute little poems where like, how old is your mom? And they're like 15, like they don't know, you know what I mean? Like um, I'm like, I have one more year. Like they'll do that in fifth grade, but then here where we're at, they sixth grade, they go to middle school and they don't do that. Yeah, they don't do that in high school. Like, I didn't get any poems for my high schooler. I'm like, I have one year left. And so I I guess so it's on my mind, but I feel like this is a common thing I hear talking to mamas a lot is how do we how do we deal with how do we handle the changing of seasons with the kids? Like they graduate from littles into the toddlers, and then you're getting into school, and then you're high school, and then you marry them off. I can't even know it's like I think that's years and years and years.

Speaker 1 9:16

We're still in denial of that. Stop preparing, stop preparing.

Speaker 4 9:19

We're gonna hear about it. So I'm like, what are some what are some things you guys have done or do to help embrace you know, seasons change and how do you deal with it?

Speaker 9:29

I actually want to say it because the Mother's Day card, I wept last year because my daughters made me a home, like the mate cards, you know, by themselves, and I found myself crying over them because it's probably gonna be my last one. Um, and the girls are so intentional and girls are a little bit different than boys. And but my point would be living in the moment and not rushing the season or not grieving the season before it's time. Oh, that's it. And I think that um because why I'm saying it, because this year Victoria surprised me and she made me a card by herself, you know, front and a back. And I found myself chuckling a little bit. I'm like, why was I grieving last year instead of enjoying it? Because I still got the card this year. So I feel like living in the moment, like um, and I like, you know, Michael being my first son, I remember like, oh, when is he gonna sit? When is he gonna crawl? When is he gonna start walking? When is he gonna go to school? When is he done? Like, and so you kind of almost chasing a season before it ends, or if I like right now, because I know how fast it does go, then I'm grieving prematurely almost, you know. So, like living in the moment, probably with the seasons is one of the best things that I um I've learned. Like, this is my season. Like right now, this is where I'm gonna stay in it. I needed that. Hard to do. Yeah, but it is. Oh no, I didn't say I perfected it. I just said that that sounds really good.

Speaker 2 10:57

You know, I that so one of my all-time favorite passages of scripture, it has always been Ecclesiastes three. And I think it's because there's like such a control piece in me that the Lord's had to really refine. Um, but Ecclesiastes three starts with there's a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens, and then it goes into what you know each of those seasons can look like. And I love in verse 11 when it picks back up and it says, He has made everything beautiful in its time. Yes. He's also said eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from the beginning to end. And I have clung to that promise in motherhood that every season is beautiful, even the hard ones, when like I feel like I have not yet had a good night's sleep. It's been, you know, seven and a half years that I've been a mom and I have not yet had uh, you know, a great night's sleep. So when you're running low on energy, when yeah, kids are sick, when finances are tight, when you know there's fears or uncertainties, um, embracing some of the beauty in those moments and having a heart of gratitude for the tough seasons, but then also I think that that makes you be able to enjoy the moment. Yeah, right. Yeah. And those seasons of of beauty, because they are they're fleeting, they go fast. I know that my eldest is only seven, but it's I yesterday it feels like he was the tongue-tied baby who I was struggling to breastfeed in.

unknown 12:22

Right.

Speaker 2 12:23

Um, it goes really fast. So true.

Speaker 12:26

I think we also get lost sometimes in comparing seasons. Ooh, you know, um, like if I'm gonna tap into her season and be like, oh my gosh, the two-year-old toddler, you know, then I will miss on my teenagers and my adult, you know, children's life, you know. So we can the comparison is a killer of joy, and I like that the gratitude and joy, like this is the moment, it's not the beginning of the end, you know, like this is this is a season, but it's not the beginning, and then being flexible with it too. I feel like yeah, the flexibility to um adjust, yeah, pivot. Pivot.

Speaker 4 12:59

Oh, look at us. Is that that would be the word for the episode? I thought on the title, it's our pivot almost pivot. Pivoting in parenthood, right?

Speaker 2 13:11

Oh gosh, you gotta you gotta get it down quick too, because the faster you learn to pivot, the better. I think that that really struck home with navigating tough emotions with kids. Like mine are still really little, so that's one of the biggest struggles that we have constantly. Is I mean, I'm sure it still happens in teenage years, but I have one child in particular who's extremely fiery, and so the power of pivot when those moments happen is really important. Yeah.

Speaker 4 13:38

Now, what about something that I have tried to do is implement um like traditions? I think that could be something like a practical way to really embrace those seasons because they do change, you know? And so, you know, like on Christmas, like do you have a certain tradition or something that like even as the kids get older, is like this is the tradition we go back to. I think that's something again. I haven't always done it perfectly, but we've always had like a big um Christmas breakfast. Like we're really big into that. And you know, we're all the kinds of foods and cinnamon rolls. And what about like for you guys? Do you have any traditions or anything you've you've implemented? I have me too.

Speaker 1 14:20

Okay.

Speaker 2 14:23

Um so we have we have several for Christmas and for Easter. Um, I cannot remember the name of this company, but I saw Instagram ad a while ago. Um, of this of this wreath countdown that's a that is candles. So we will we have a specific book for every Christmas and every Easter that we will lead in the weeks leading up to it. Um, and when we read our book, we all get together and we do like a candlelight kind of dinner and we'll light a candle and then we'll read this book in devotional, um, just to prepare our hearts. And I think that's helped to shift some of the focus off of um the busyness of the season, all the extra stuff of the season, and really set our eyes higher, you know. And started at such a young age. So the kids love it at Christmas because it's all candles. Um, at the end of every single uh reading, they'll sing happy birthday to Jesus. That's so cute. So cute. And then we all blow the candles out together. But um, I think that's one of my favorite, my favorite traditions that we do. Easter, we have the same wreath. There's like a little bit of an extension piece, and um, there's Jesus with his cross that you kind of move along. Yeah, so so cute. I like that. I love that a lot.

Speaker 15:32

It's cute. Well, for Christmas, we have recently started um because my kids, and here's the thing, pivot. I'm going back to this word pivot, is actually because we've I've for Christmas Eve, I've always cooked a lot and again, like, you know, prep the whole day and then church and everything. But Christmas Eve was always like a big, you know, grand finale to the season almost. And then my kids were like, Mom, you're so stressed. Like, let's do something together. And we actually pivoted a little bit our tradition, and now we make um Ukrainian and we make pinmeny, which is um like a dumpling essentially. Yes, and so every Christmas Eve I pre-make the dough and then pre-make the stuffing for it. And I will make the dessert ones like the day before, and you can freeze them, and but the Christmas Eve, we all come in and we'll make uh we will make well actually not vareni key. So we'll make vareniki with like their potato stuffed and there's like bacon on top. It's so good. But it's kind of became our little tradition in the last few years, which takes off the pressure of the hosting the holiday itself, right? But it's also everybody interacts and everybody compares who's because the smaller they are, the better they are, you know. But Elizabeth made like literally a shoe size, and she's like, Mom, I'm just gonna have one. It's like half of a pork in there, you know, with bacon and stick. But it that's one of them. And then another thing is pancakes for birthday. I don't like making pancakes, I don't know why. They it it I it's a yeah, I don't know. And so what the way I came up to to do it my life is that I would make them pancakes for their birthday, and so it's been, and then it's how many years you are, that's how many pancakes. Oh my gosh, that's so cute! Yes, and then Michael turned 23. Just kidding. Well, so that then we go 10, 10, and then three. Oh, gotcha. And so when Michael got married uh first year, his birthday, I said, you know, congratulated him. He's like, okay, when I'm coming over for my pancakes, oh, I love that. And so he came back for his pancakes, and I that melted my heart because that's been something we've been doing for years. Yeah, that's so sweet. I might borrow that tradition. That's really cute.

Speaker 2 17:41

We have the fun birthday tradition that I'm hoping my kids never get tired of. Um, ever since our firstborn, we line the whole hallway with balloons. So this was none of my babies walked before one. I don't know if that was different for you guys or not, but it was so fun because they love to just crawl through the legs. Oh, yeah. So we still do that. We blow up tons of balloons, and now that the olders are getting a little bit older, they'll stay up late and help like blow up balloons for the other ones. Sweet. We keep birthdays super simple. That's like one of the only things that we do other than a family dinner. But um, I like the pancake stack idea. Yes.

Speaker 18:17

It's really, really cool. And then as many candles as you can, right? You know, like 14 gets 14 tiny little candles. Yeah, it's kind of, I mean, sometimes it's very inconvenient because now they're teenagers, and let's say Tim needs to be in the gym by 5 or 6 a.m. So everybody gets up earlier because it's a tradition, but we're kind of like there's days where we're excited about it, there's days we're just um, you know, doing it because we've always done it this way. Yeah, and I don't think we had a tradition, we would make the wreath from leaves. It was around Thanksgiving, and we would go to the um and we called it like the leaf hunt, and so we'd literally collect buckets of leaves and then we would make a wreath for our door.

Speaker 2 18:59

Oh, how fun!

Speaker 18:59

Yeah, so but that was for Thanksgiving to like notice what God created for us, so it wasn't just to that's beautiful. I love that so cute, but then we had to pivot. I'm not gonna go right now, leaf hunting with you know Michael, who's 23, and so some things it's okay to abandon the tradition for the sake of rhythm rather than um until grandchildren and then maybe then if we can like pick it up again, yeah.

Speaker 4 19:23

And I think that would be a real I love that. Anything else you guys do to embrace changing of seasons before we move on? Cry. No, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 19:36

Well, just feel it. I feel like to be like being like being realistic, like okay, that that season is ending, you know, and it's okay to feel it. Yeah, it is okay to grieve it. Not I'm not talking about not to grieve anything, I'm talking about pre grieving prematurely sometimes when you still have four or five years and you're already devastated. Um, but like grieving the moment that well, he is not gonna be, you know, like breastfed anymore, you know, like this his first steps, yeah. Or he's going to high school and he doesn't want his mama walking into school with him anymore, you know, or like things like that, just feel it and don't take it personal, you know, like it's just like they're becoming their own, and you really want that person.

Speaker 2 20:19

You do want that. That's crazy. I feel that too, grieving in the moment. But and I think that you can have grief and gratitude go hand in hand, and that's where our praise can be is just having that posture of this was really beautiful, thank you, Lord. Yes, because it's all a gift, right? Right. I uh I think that too often society will paint a really negative picture of motherhood and parenthood in general, but it all is such a gift, and you don't realize how much of a gift until one of those seasons is closing. Yeah. So being out of the baby baby season, I have felt that so deeply this year. And grief and gratitude and praise.

Speaker 4 20:58

So true. It's and it's funny too. Sometimes I feel like it's okay to embrace even the things like you didn't realize you were gonna grieve. And like that's okay. Like I know for me when I had my so I knew I always ever wanted just two boys. And I I don't know, it's just what the Lord put on my heart, and that's what I got. I'm like, thank you, Lord. And so I'm good, I'm content. I don't, I'm not praying for a girl. Like, I'm good. I have my two boys anyway. Um, when my youngest was um ready to to be potty trained, like out of diapers. I'm like, no. Are you kidding me? I'm like, because then he's not a baby anymore. Like he's not like something happened. It was so like it felt so dumb in the moment. I'm like, why am I like you want to potty train your children? Usually you're like potty train. Like, you're like, yes, I want to get out of diapers. But for me, I'm like, this is my last, this is my baby, it's not gonna be a baby. And like you just you kind of have those moments where you you don't even realize, like, oh, I I need to grieve this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 22:03

The first lost tooth that was the hard one for me for both the boys. Oh yeah. Watching that little tooth that I remember them cutting. Oh my gosh. Right? See nights and nights. The nights and nights.

Speaker 4 22:17

Yeah. I mean, it's it's sweet, but I it makes me vomit. A little bit. Tooth like wiggling teeth.

Speaker 22:26

It's a lot. It's a physical response. Looking at the x-rays of how that looks. You see x-rays? Yeah, well, you know, like how the tooth comes down and this one, like you can see the adult ones like coming up. Not okay. I'm not okay with that. No, it's a thing. Okay. I'll let that be something that just takes care of it.

Speaker 4 22:47

Oh, I love it. Okay, so we're embracing the moment. We're gonna pivot. We're embracing tradition. It's to help with embracing those seasons. Um, I thought it would be super fun to talk practically some maybe some mom hacks you have for your different seasons of parenthood. Um, what are some of your best mom hacks you could give us for raising the littles?

Speaker 2 23:16

The littles.

Speaker 4 23:18

You want to start with the littles? Let's start with littles. Let's start from the beginning. What are your mom hacks for us?

Speaker 2 23:23

I mean, there are so many, right? And there's like, but I think that if I were to boil it down to just the most important one, it would be allowing your pace to slow down to theirs whenever possible. Yeah. And, you know, we life, there's a lot of rush and hurry that we can go through and that we can put pressure on our kids for. Um, but there's a reason that the Lord has that whole section about childlike faith. And I think that we miss out on some of the awe and the wonder and those moments and those opportunities with our kids when we continue to operate in that like rush and getting through it. So as much as you can slow down to their pace and their speed. And I have a beautiful um miracle actually story to tell about that. Uh, we were camping and it was our last day camping, and we'd heard frogs the whole time that we were camping. My son Zaidan is obsessed with frogs. This happened last summer. When you're packing up camps, there's a lot to do, right? So we're trying to like get out. Well, he finally finds one of the frogs in the water drain, and he was so excited to be able to see this frog. Well, like frogs do, it immediately jumped out of his hand. Right. He was devastated. I mean, like, picture the worst melt of meltdowns, and like this was one of those moments, right? And so I just I'm so thankful that I leaned into this because I felt like the Lord said, like, no, this is a this is a moment, this is a teaching opportunity. Um, and so I validated his feelings, but I said, you know what, buddy? I believe that God can provide another frog for you. Like that frog went away. We only have an hour that we're here left picking up camp. Let's pray and let's see what God will do. Yeah. And so we prayed and we said, Lord, thank you so much for allowing Zaydan to have this moment with this frog, but he really would love another one. So would you do it again? Would you provide this frog again or another frog again? And he we ended that prayer and he was had an immediate heart and posture of just expectance. I mean, like childlike faith, expecting God to provide this frog. He was wearing frog swimsuit and he even saw 2020 and says, God's gonna provide this green, like this green frog, this type of green frog. We found a gray frog, guys. Right. Like we're not necessarily we're bright green tree frogs in theme, but he is No, the Lord, I he's gonna provide a green frog for me. The last thing that we had to pack up was one of the tarps for our tents, and my brother-in-law folded it back, and underneath this tarp was a bright green frog. So cute. So we're listening to worship music. On time God, if you know that song, immediately is what starts playing. And so all of us adults were weeping. We're just weeping. Um, and I'm so thankful that we that I paused and I slowed down and I didn't rush past the hard feelings or past, you know, the on, the wonder of a frog and allowed that moment because that's gonna stick with him forever. Absolutely that is such a and it will for us too. I mean, God, you care so much. You're even gonna provide a frog for a four-year-old.

Speaker 4 26:21

He does, yeah, cares about those little things. That's so sweet. Oh my gosh. Did you let him bring the frog home? That's the real thing.

Speaker 2 26:28

No, we let him nurture it for a little bit and build like a little habitat for him while we were finishing packing up. And then we said, like, this frog lives here, we have to leave it here. Um, I will say there's many other prayers for frogs, right? Maybe someday we'll let him have those pets.

Speaker 4 26:44

Oh my gosh. I love that. Wonderful. That's so sweet about that for him. What about what are your mom hacks for when they move out? Oh man. What do you do when your kids marry somebody?

Speaker 27:00

Oh that's you know, I thought I was preparing for it, you know, because I've heard I've heard a um a teaching or, you know, um in I don't know, podcasts a while ago when Michael was 13, you know, how we are to get ready to let them go and things. So I thought I was so ready, you know, and prepared. Nothing prepares you, nothing um for them moving out and living their life um um without you, which is okay. Um, but one of the things that throughout my motherhood actually um is um in the Bible it says if you lack, ask, you know? And I always tell moms, they're like, Well, I don't know what to do. I'm like, have you asked the Lord to give you insight on it? And they're like, Well, it's about potty training. I'm like, well, um, some people call it intuition, I call it Holy Spirit, actually. And he teaches us what to do. So I do ask if I'm having a conversation, or my usual to go to is um, Lord, tell me when to speak and when to not. So my biggest hack is probably shut up on time. Like before, like on time. I'm giving grace and space for myself a little bit. But um, you know, if you ask the Lord for wisdom of what to say, he's not, he's not gonna be like, you know what, Lydia asked for wisdom. I'm gonna give her extra stupidity. So she's just gonna be as you know, dumb as a chew. No, he's actually gonna, it's when we listen to it. So the point of listening is you have to stop talking. And so um your kids are, you know, we shift from when they're babies, there's a lot of you know, control. We create control environment and stuff, and then we coaching the teenagers, but then we connect with adult children. And that requires that that even, you know, fellowship relationship, you know. And sometimes I have to say no to like, is it important, like is it vital? One of the things that I also ask myself, will this alter their eternity? And if it's not, then it's just my opinion and I can hang on to it. Oh, that's good. That's a really good question. So, and even with my teenagers, you know, and uh we have an opinion on the hair. What's with the boys' hair these days? Or the sweatpants. Oh, a lot of questions. I just have questions. So many questions. But I always ask myself, is this gonna alter the eternity or their relationship with the Lord? If it's not, I'm not dying on that heel. Yeah, you know, yeah, I'm just letting that one go for a minute. And so um, and then I actually had um the Lord spoke to me in one of the women's conference, one of the Radiant Women's Conference as I was praying for my son. He wasn't married and he was actually still living with us. And um the lady came over to me, she doesn't even know me. She goes, the Lord told me, Stop pulling strings. He's like, You're interfering with Holy Spirit's work. You need to stop talking. And I was like, Me, but I say all the great things right through. It is biblical. It is, you know, like, and and that was probably one of the hardest things that I've had to learn with an adult child, that sometimes it's just an opinion, you know, and the Holy Spirit, he is uh Pastor Kelly um Sears, she was sharing her story with uh with her children a while ago, and how the Lord told her he is my son and I love him more. And so when I have that perspective, then the conversations and everything, I'm like, God loves him way more than I do, he is his boy. Yes, you know, so probably shut up on time, yeah. You know, and um even out the control coaching to an a friendship and a connection. And I think that's very important.

Speaker 4 30:33

But how beautiful though, if you're able to walk through those seasons, you know, and make that transition to now where it's like you're leaning into that connection piece.

Speaker 30:43

Okay, that gets me excited, it calms me down a little bit, but also like letting them go so they can come back to you, you know, like let them, let them like he got married, and I'm so happy. I absolutely love my daughter-in-law, she is truly one of the best humans I've met on earth. And um, so he got married, and you know, they're in honeymoon stage. I'm not gonna be calling them every day, be like, hey, what's up? What are you doing? Why haven't you called your mom? Right. You haven't stopped by in a while, you know. I you know what I mean. So don't do that. No, don't do that. Don't. Yeah, it's it's an it's an it will put a damper, you know, on your friendship and relationship, first of all, with your daughter-in-law, and then probably with your son as well. Um, but yeah, like give them space to come back, you know, as an adult already, as as somebody that you've prayed for, you know, as somebody that you um that God made him to be. Not my ideal ideology and things like that, but like who God has made him to be. And so yeah, probably so beautiful. In short, shut up on time. Shut up on time. Amen. Amen.

Speaker 4 31:40

Well, I think for me, if I could give a mom hat, because I'm in the middle season, we've got like we're getting middle school, high school, we're hitting that like preteen, teenage phase. And I think for me, the one thing the Lord has been teaching me that is a one of the best hacks out there if you're raising teenagers or even preteens, is don't take it personal. You can't take stuff personal, it's so distinct and hard. But there are like there's so much that's happening within their bodies and their minds and like their development that I have really come to the realization, like okay, I can I cannot take it personal. I I learned something interesting not too long ago that as a teenager's brain, it's developing. I I can't remember what part, I wish I could remember the study, but it was something about how a certain part of their brain isn't developed all the way. And so even a simple, like, hey, will you unload the dishwasher? In their their brain literally receives it as an attack. Like it's just the way their brain processes information. There's a there's a window of time when they're like that preteen teenage phase as they're developing. Everything comes across as like aggression. And like they're always a little bit extra heightened in that, like everything, and that's why like peer pressure, like, oh my friend, like they all hate me, and like they everything is so personal to them. And you know, you ask them to unload the dishwasher, and it's like, oh my gosh, they're just so long, yes. Like you have this whole like attitude that comes out, and so I've had to learn, like, okay, I can't take it personal, like even if they're frustrated or they're expressing themselves like in a way that I wouldn't uh necessarily appreciate. Um I have had to learn, like, okay, their bodies are processing a lot, their brains are processing a lot, but if they receive information in an aggressive way, just based on this filter that's like happening as their brain develops. Yeah, I I have to understand that it's it probably has nothing to do with me at all, and everything to do with what they're dealing with on the inside, and being able to approach it from that lens of like, okay, I'm not gonna take this personal, but here's the boundary, here's the like, you know, communicate in a clear way where you're not just letting them run rampant or have crazy attitudes or you know, speak negatively, but also having grace for that, like, okay, that's it's not personal.

Speaker 34:16

I love that. I love that it's like recognizing you an emotional adult that I'm not quite yet. Yes, you know, like hold on, why am I reacting, not responding? You know, I have to have the emotional um maturity, emotional regulation way more than they do.

Speaker 4 34:34

And it's there, there's even been times where like, oh, okay, all right. Yeah, okay, like you're you seem really upset. Like, how did your day go? You know, um, I think that's maybe one of my one of my mom.

Speaker 34:48

One of the cool hack for a preteen uh is when my kids would hit the preteens and those emotions become so like their happy so extreme. They said they're soulsad. And what I had a conversation pretty much with every kid of mine, and I would say, like, so then very exciting things are happening, you're becoming a grown-up, or you know, uh, and but sometimes our feelings or emotions grow up faster, so you can have a grown-up emotion in a still a tiny kid body. And if the feeling is too big, let me know. I'll give you some space, or like I'll give you some time. And it actually has helped help a lot because especially around 10, 9, 10, 11, that's when the feelings are so big. And I remember one of my kids, they were the response was so big, and and they were like, Wow, that was very grown-up feeling, mom. And I'm like, You need a minute, maybe I should just walk away for a second. And I think it kind of gave them a tool or recognizing that okay, I'm still a tiny body, but I'm getting into this. Like emotions are I'm not gonna get into details with them. Your hormones are about to switch and you're about to hit puberty. No, listen, you're gonna get a big emotions, like grown up, and then but you're still a tiny body. But however, we can't re we can't respond to them, we can't slam the door, we can't just start you know yelling or things like that. But it gave them like that tiny little tool, gave them almost like recognizing that balance, like, oh whoa, that was that was way too big of a feeling for me. Yeah, that's so helpful.

Speaker 4 36:17

Yeah, like here's how you can respond in a good way, yeah. Or take a moment, it's okay to just like take a moment.

Speaker 2 36:25

I'm curious, did their temperaments as toddlers and like you know, the four or five, did that echo into the pre teen? Like I because I've heard that it does, and I just want to mentally sorry, prepar.

Speaker 1 36:39

I know, in my um yes, yes, for you.

Speaker 4 36:47

Yes, 100%. Like I have my my firstborn super literal. Like I've always had to be like very direct and very clear and lots of boundaries, and that is so true, even as a teenager. Like I have with I because I live with this mindset of if the more responsibility that you have, the more freedom you can have. And if you are wanting more freedom in something, your level of responsibility is now going up. Um, and so I think it should match, or you get you get if it gets uneven and they have too much freedom with no responsibility, that's where rebellion comes in. Um, you lose your connection and all that. And so I I would say I've had to really be intentional with that with like the with my oldest Steven, like, because he's always been like best in certain situations or with certain boundaries or whatever, communicating very differently. So as my second one, he's very emotional, so like he everything is processed in that emotional way and like talking through big emotions and how we respond. And whereas my oldest has been much more literal, so yeah, in in a sense, like okay, and you have boys and girls.

Speaker 2 37:55

So is it different?

Speaker 37:56

Has it been different for oh yeah, yeah, but here's a little fun fact for kids, absolutely for different human beings, they're also so yes, girls and boys are a little bit different, but also within the girl, you know, like it goes like completely different um yeah, personalities and just the way they process things. Um, some of it, yes, it did try like now that I look at it, yes. Um, yeah, definitely. It transferred some of it, but not, I mean, not all of it. I wouldn't like necessarily asphyxiate on it. Okay, no, yeah. I mean the Lord will prepare. Exactly.

Speaker 1 38:28

So yeah, yeah. Well done, you know. Extra wisdom.

Speaker 4 38:33

Oh well, thank you so much, you guys. I appreciate your time. This is one of those things, like you get talking about motherhood, like we could just go on and on. Maybe we'll have to do like a second chapter. Yes. But I appreciate you guys sharing. I'm praying today there's some kind of practical takeaway for you. Um, maybe we're gonna grab a hold of that pivot or lean in, not take things personal. We're gonna shut our mouth sometimes. All of the things, okay? So praying for just some good practical takeaways for you. Thank you, ladies, for opening up and being so honest and real about motherhood and the journey of that and the seasons and rhythms. And so, thank you so much for sharing. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. We can't wait to see you at the next episode.