SPEAKER_00 0:13

I guess I've been for you. I guess I'm for you.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Welcome to Brewing Better Marriages from T South Dakota with Philip and Debbie Sanders. If these podcasts have been a help to you, pass it on to others and let us know with an email. Also include any questions that you might have on the subjects that we cover. A word that you will constantly hear is the word honorable, which means Honored, esteemed, precious, costly. And the reason why that we say that so much is we are living in an age of noncommittal. They have a noncommittal attitude. And so what we're just trying to do is get you to make a commitment for your marriage. Well, it's been quite a journey, hasn't it, Hun? Yeah. We've journeyed along through this. These are little snippets of our marriage conference that we do when we travel out, and uh, we'll be heading out here in the next day or two to do another one in Richmond, Indiana. If you can, make your way up there and uh and sit in this conference with us. It will be in more in-depth. And uh, well, you'll just have a good time. But we started out with having a marriage God's way. What are the three points underneath that? Responsibility, romance, and reward. Then we talked about having a relationship with each other God's way. And what are those three points? Communicate, cultivate, and companionship. Well, then goes on to having a home God's way. And that brings up what? Morality, money, and mission. Well, one of the final things that we talked about, or the last podcast we talked about, is having children God's way. And that speaks of what? Direction, discipline, and determination. Yes, sir. Boy, that's needed in this hour, isn't it, Hun. It sure is. Somebody to give direction. I'll never forget uh the reason why that we have Alex and his family in the church here in South Dakota is because I'd come out from setting the church facilities up that we have to set up and take down every Sunday. And Alex was standing uh out there in the parking lot, and in the process of our conversation, he said, All I've ever wanted was somebody to give me direction. Well, that's what God wants from us. That's what God wants in our home. And that is what God wants from parents for their children. It's not just in, not just in direction as far as the world is concerned, although it's included. Where do you want your children to head? What do you want them to do? What do you want the priority in their life to be? This but but it also has to do with the will of God in their life. They need direction. God gave them to you for that.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

And the way to do that is part of that is discipline, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:25

That that takes place. Yeah. It's got to take place to get it done sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

And it's not just corporal punishment. No. It's telling them you can't go here. You can't if you're going to do this in your direction you're going, you can't do that. And so I'm going to say, no, you're not going there. Uh, parents, take a stand where that's concerned. You're not called to be a buddy. Right. You're called to be a what, hun?

SPEAKER_02 3:53

A mom or dad. And God gave them to you because he entrusted you to raise them in the knowledge and the uh wisdom that he gives to us as parents.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

And you know, one of the things we're finding as we travel across this land is that a lot of grandparents are raising their grandchildren. Now, I understand there are circumstances that the the parents are not saved, they're they're not living where they should be with God. And so therefore, the grandparents have a burden or a need to take those grandchildren in. But God never expected children to be raised by grandparents.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Uh we don't see what God put in a parent for that child. Um, you know, I mean, like they want candy, can we give them candy?

SPEAKER_02 4:47

There's something that flips inside, I think, when you go from parenting to grandparenting. And it's it's a whole different ball game. Um my kids would say, Well, when I would let the grandkids do something, well, you never let us do that. Well, I'm grandma, I'm not mom.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

My dad used to say, We've seen all the mistakes that we did raising you, and so we were trying to correct them as grandparents. That really isn't how it ought to be, but anyway.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

Yeah, we'd let them go to grandpa and grandma's and then we'd have to retrain when we get them home.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Right. So uh I just want to I want to rehearse these things over children. One of the things I want to talk about, and not in depth, but just brush over again what are the three reasons that we discipline.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Well, discipline may come from anger, or it may come because of embarrassment, but it should come because of love.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Boy, isn't that the truth? Um we've got to, as parents, understand that we're accountable for to God, even in our disciplinary procedures. And if you're accountable to God in that, you don't have to worry about it being any kind of abuse. In your uh discipline, you are setting direction for their future. Sure. You're disciplining emotions, you're disciplining their fleshly desires, um, you're disciplining appetite. Oh boy, let's not go there. I don't know that my parents disciplined me in that area enough. But we're disciplining in all aspects of life, saying, listen, and it's not just right now, it's not because we don't love you, and it's not because we don't want you to enjoy life, but we're trying to help you to get further on your road of what God has for your life.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

I can remember a time when the kids were younger, and and every time we went to the store, they thought they should get something. And I started realizing that this is we're forming a habit here that I'm gonna have to break somewhere along the way. And so I see now where my children are dealing with that, with their children, my grandchildren, because every time we went to the store, well, we got things we needed sometimes, but we didn't just get everything we wanted. And that's a a type of discipline, teaching them that this is not um just what I want, all about me, and learn a little self-control here. And that has to be taught in a child because what do they do when they're born? They cry, they mess their britches, they just expect everybody to take care of them. They're it's all about them. But as they grow older, we have to step up to the plate as parents and take charge of the things that you see in their life that could be lead down the road to greater issues.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Children are born with a selfishness, that's just a damning nature that is in us. And in that, we as parents are being given the responsibility to help guide them from that. So uh after all of this talking about marriage and what we're doing and and how it's God's way for us to have a great relationship and it's God's will for us to marry, the last point that we want to deal with is there's some things in our marriage that just needs to be healed. Do we carry luggage into our marriage? Definitely. And do we pack luggage that we pack up in our marriage? Yes. And and uh you know, let me step in here and say that in the beginning of our relationships, uh, it's it's all new to us. We're learn we learn as we go. My goodness. Why don't you tell that story about your mom sitting there on the couch with you when we was developing this?

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Aaron Ross Powell Well, mom had come to live with us the last six years of her life, and she was in the onset of dementia. And when she first came, I uh we were still able to communicate and understand when we would discuss different things. And I was studying because we were teaching this in our church where we were pastoring to our couples, and um I said uh I was telling her some of the materials and things that I was learning and I as I was going through it and developing, and tears just started rolling down her face, and um she said, Oh, Debbie, maybe if dad and I had had someone teach this to us, our marriage would have been different.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Wow. Wow. And there's some things even in your and I relationship that if we'd have known some of these principles in the beginning of our marriage, um, our marriage would have would have been different. The kids would not have seen some of the things that they saw.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Now I'm not talking about immorality, but some of the conflicts that come with dragging these suitcases full of all those emotions, all of those fears, all of that doubt, all of that inconsideration, they wouldn't have seen some of that. But aren't you glad God leads us? What does it say? He leads his dear children along. Amen. Some through the waters, some through the floods, some through the fire, but all through the blood. I'm glad he does that, even where our marriage is concerned. Well, we want to talk about having a healing God's way. And uh we may not get through all of this today, but uh we're gonna step into it. The first thing about healing God's way, there's scars and there's issues that come up in our life uh in our marriage, just because we're people. Just because we have uh we're human. Yeah, we're human. And it's not wrong. It's just different. Let's say it again. It's not wrong, it's just different. And so, in order for God to heal some of these things, instead of dragging them on through your life with your children and then following in to affecting your children too, right? Why don't you focus on a place that needs healing? We've all got scars. We've all got difficulties that we've been through. And thank God for the blood that covers. Yes. But sometimes those scars that are there, whether it be immorality, um, whether it be anger, um, whether it be a failing, a backsliding, uh, all of these issues can create uh wounds. Right. And these wounds sometimes go on without being healed. So we're gonna talk about focusing, we're gonna talk about faithfulness, and we're gonna talk about forgiveness where this healing is concerned. Well, it's come about that time. We'll get on this on the next one and start right in on it with focus. We want to say thank you for tuning in.

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If you'd like to email us, it's sandersministries at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

And also check out our website. It's sanders-ministries.org. Sanders-ministries.org. You can download these podcasts, or you can even look at the blog that we have on there talking about different issues. So thanks again for tuning in and being with us.