Boobie Jackson's Chestermere Complainers Radio Show Ep3 "The Car Episode"

Featuring music from: Ryvox, Trifukta, Freddy Dwight, and Tommy Fleger "Smashy Smashy". 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Soon we will have a fully armed and operational radio station! I can feel your anger! I need all of the chest of the rights to invite all of their friends to the Chest of Mia complainers Facebook page. And together we may discover the secrets of the dark side of the waterslide remnants. I appoint you as the new Emperor of the City of Testamine! Here I'll just do whatever you ask, I mean. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, sure. You're fulfilling your destiny. Together, we will have the best AM radio station this side of the province. Mr. Jackson. Did you. What is what is this bleeping light? Oh, I think that's uh like below gas or gas? A battle station! There's not enough gas! There isn't even enough gas in the entire galaxy to crank the tank! Um I went I went to the gas station. You can't possibly be serious! That you filled the bathroom station up with gasoline! Uh well I I thought this I went and filled it up? This runs up a nuclear-engraved plutonium! There isn't even a gas hole to put the gas in. What did you did you just stick the the nozzle up the g- Like what did that cost? Uh it's probably about like$40,000! Booby Jackson, you have doomed us all! You've probably flooded the reactor! How's it going, Booby Jackson episode 3? Alright, we're gonna have a good time on the show today. This is the car episode, if you haven't already heard about it, and we have uh special guest coming on later on. So, have you ever been involved in a hit-run accident? Except uh you were the one doing the hitting and the guy in front just decided to like take off. That's an amazing feeling knowing that your uh insurance policy isn't just gonna double overnight. It's such a weird situation when you come into that, you're you're scratching your head like, uh I mean, I don't think this is how this is supposed to work, but uh alright. I mean that's I guess that's fine. Sure. Uh yeah, so I'll tell you the story about how all that went down. So I was a huge strapping booby Jackson at the age of 16. Waited so long to get my license and uh got a really wicked truck. It was uh back in the day we could get a near brand new vehicle for like 7,000 bucks. And uh yeah, it was like a pre-owned, awesome little quarter ton truck, and uh yeah, so just sat in the previous owner's garage, no rust spots, 50,000 kilometers on the thing. And yeah, so I bought it from the dealership for about$7,000, and everything was great, amazing vehicle. And then what does someone decide to do? I decided to go to uh Forest Lawn Monday, went to the video game store, and decided to get myself uh a copy of the Sonic the Hitch Owen uh Monopoly for the Sega Genesis. So driving back to town and try slowing down at a s at a red light, and then all of a sudden, some guy just comes barreling into me going like 60 kilometers an hour and just totally fucks the whole truck up. So it hit so hard that the guy's airbags went off, and then it pushed my truck into the car in front of me, and that guy took off. So I was like, uh what is going on here? You have to know good, I betcha. So yeah, waited on scene, kinda dealt with the guy who hit me, and then the the authorities show up and they say, Where did the guy in front of you go? And I'm like, Well, I don't know, I just I I don't really give a shit, I just kinda want shit and not find him because I don't wanna pay a thousand dollars a month for insurance, holy shit. Yeah, I feel like every single vehicle that I've ever owned has just been a pile of garbage. It's always gotta just piss oil everywhere it can. Have another vehicle that uh just it'd shut off on the highway when you're driving, so you'd be going down, you know, highway one before it was twinned, and then uh you just driving down the highway trying to turn it off, sudden thing just shuts up, and then you have to urgency pull over and turn it off and turn it back on again. And then when you go to get it uh checked out, nobody can find it ever. I feel like no matter what I do, however much money I pour into it, you can never find the problem. If you just end up finding 20 other ones that aren't related to that. After I finished dealing with insurance and all that, I was like, well, this vehicle's pretty much written off at this point. I don't think I'm gonna bother with oil changes or any of that because I'm just throwing money away. I think the wheels are just gonna fall off any day now. Um yeah, so didn't get an oil change in the thing for like four plus years, not at all. And then you're like, oh Booby Jackson, you probably just weren't driving it much. Like, no, I was like hauling, like I was commuting like hardcore with this old busted quarter ton truck, and uh never had an oil change. And it was awesome. The sticker was stuck, like melted to the friggin' window, all yellow and crusty and falling apart. And uh yeah. Did not make a world of difference. And then the guy I saw that thing too, I was like, yeah, I never had an oil change in this thing, it's a total piece of crap. I think I just gave it to him for like next to nothing. And then uh he ended up just like crashing it into a tree when it was slippery for an unrelated reason, so it all worked out in the end. Everybody saved a pile of money on not getting oil changes in the friggin' thing.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

Are we fucking live right now? Alright, so here's the thing, I drive, right? So I drive a pretty fucking nice job, okay? I make some good money for myself, right? Fucking fucking two weeks. I'm spending a lot of time out there. I'm making a lot of fucking money. I can fucking you know, I can fucking deserve to have nice things, right? Fucking work outside my driveway. What are you gonna give me a fucking window Jake? Every fucking win! I got 15 of these fucking days on my god, yeah. Fucking sons of bitches. Oh I swear to fucking god, you're not gonna short a fucking mini week for fucking freaking face. Oh man. You ever fucking got a fucking window, TK? Fucking fucking pull it out of your fucking driveway! Fuck I'm fucking pass! Told you for the 15th time you can't have tinted windows!

SPEAKER_01 8:14

My next one, I was living in a in a condo building and had like a like a parquet, underground parking, which is cool, but yeah, there's like hardly any parking, so you have to rent a spot. Thing leaks. I mean like all my vehicles leak something, and then I told the guy like, hey, this thing leaks. He's like, oh I don't care, like whatever. Just just like eventually the guy who's in charge of the parquet just uh you know he kept giving me shit for it. He's like, hey, you got a booby jacks and you have to get this fixed. You can't leak all over the park gate, and I just like like brush that off for a while. Then after a while, he just like, nope, I'm serious, I'm putting my foot down. You're out of here if you don't get this thing fixed, so I'm like, oh, alright. Alright, I'll take this thing in, I'll get it looked at. So went in, I said you'd have to find this leak. The guy's gonna kick me out of the building if I don't get this dealt with. So then uh leave it there, they drive it around, do their test on it. Nope, can't find a leak! No figure! Oh, nope, there's no leak, we can't see any leak, there's nothing wrong with it. Well like you have to find it. Like it's literally making a big mess on the concrete park gate. Like, I can't have this. But then try taking it to another place, and yep, same deal. Can't find it! I can't find my leak. Oh no, no, there's nothing we can do. It's impossible to find the leak. So Yeah, you're you're pretty much toast. Like, it's so hard. There's so many things that can go wrong with a vehicle that I mean, good luck. And you can't exactly just go out and blow like 40 grand on like the crappiest new vehicle that you can buy because they're just all garbage. Like, I'm even wondering if if it's worth just leasing a vehicle because at least you have a drivable vehicle. You know I'm chilling. But uh yeah, new vehicles, it's always just hit and miss. You know there's always gonna be something wrong with everybody. Had uh another car, and it was great, it was uh total junk as well. But the deal was with that. I mean, the thing shook like crazy and couldn't go over 80. I mean if you're trying to merge, if the wind was going in the right direction, maybe you would hit. But uh I mean it got you where you needed to go. And uh the the hood latch on it was broken, the hood latch was broken. So I don't know why they make the hood latches out of plastic. The part you have to pull out is just gonna snap off. So then you gotta keep a little wrench in there, like, oh I gotta get the wrench and pull it out whenever I gotta change the the wiper fluid, which is like always low or leaky. And then yeah, so this vehicle uh drove it for a long time, and then I had a buddy get in the car, and he's like, dude, this is so unsafe, like I'm actually scared to be in here right now, and I'm like, yeah, this is actually a little sketchy. And just the way it rumbled the whole time when you're just doing anything or just idling, it just shook like crazy. So yeah, I was like, yeah, I should probably get rid of this thing, honestly. So just uh I called one of those tow truck places. You know, the ones that come to your house and they just pick it up and give you like 400 bucks for it. So did that and they just said, okay, what kind of car is it? Uh just basic information. And I'm like, do you need to know anything else about it? Like, nope, we don't care. No, we'll give you 700 bucks for it. I'm like, okay, sounds good. So I waited around all day, and the guy said he was gonna be there within two hours, so this waited. And then, you know, three hours goes five, four hours goes five, eight hours goes five, waiting all day, trying to call the guy text and just ignoring my call. So I think there might be this gap where what happened is it didn't show up, and then when they finally dipped, uh the guy said, I'll give you$200 for this thing. And I was like, no, I'm not giving you$200 for this card, but this is during COVID when the the worst vehicle possible was like$15,000. Sight on the scene. I'm like, no, there's no waiting at$700. He's like, nope,$200. And I think that's the little scam that we have going on that makes you wait around all day and then they expect you to pick whatever for it because it's the waiting you want to get rid of it. I'll be like, no, no, I don't wanna do that. So, found a buyer for it just on marketplace, and then uh sold it for about 800 bucks. I think yeah, there's all the stuff wrong with it. I mean, it's just a piece of crap, I mean 800 bucks is that takes it. Uh we did the bill of sale, all that, and then all of a sudden, I get a letter from the police service, the next pol uh I got a letter from the police service, like next province over. And they said, Hey, your vehicle's been involved in crime and now it's in our uh it's in our incount. We're gonna charge you all the fees. You're the last owner of the vehicle, and I said, Well, no, I don't own the thing. I sold this thing like 10 years ago. But and they said, no, it doesn't matter. Like, you're going to you we're gonna charge you for this, it's your vehicle. And I'm like, well debating if I should just go pick it up or not. I'm like, well, I don't know. I mean, if they're gonna charge me, I mean, what's really stopping me from just picking it up? If you're gonna force me to take this vehicle that I don't know. Like, what's what's that all about? But I did end up finding the bill of sale, thankfully. And I don't know why I still have it after 10 years, but I did. And then they're like, oh, okay, perfect. I'm like, well, that's not exactly a good way to like shake someone down, like, oh, we're gonna charge you all these fees, like, oh, you have to do this. It's like, well, how do you prove that you sold a vehicle if you didn't have the bill of sale? You always wanna keep, I don't know, I guess from now on I'm just gonna keep those forever. Like, it's just you never know what's gonna happen. Yeah, so that uh car with the busted uh busted hood and the busted hood latch and the doors that have been locked, it's still out there. Committing crimes is living a life of crime now. So good on ya, old shitty.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Well hello there, Chester Marats. It's your boy Greasy Steve coming in hot at you again, and today I am fixing the spill of the beans on my grandpappy's famous milk sandwich. Y'all remember Greasy Papa Cootie made a sandwich so good at a slap your mama and asked for a second. He called it Lord Hammer's not doing that at all. The secret is he got a hand on the hound and catch yourself. Make sure you leave that president now for some time you want it to be a little bit. You need some of that government cheese. Make sure it's a lot of government cheese and you get over it and know what the reality is that good stuff and then you just bottom there. Let me tell you the truth. You're in a little adventure. You don't want to spend no money, you want to say it because you need yourself a special guest on the show.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

You know him, you love him. And I I picked him up from uh from a gas station down in uh Forest Lawn there, and he was just like, he was having trouble with the roller dog machine, so I was like, hey, hey, let me help you out, buddy. And he's like, oh, thank you so much. You're such a kind sir. So I went and uh I went uh I went to the Hundred Acre Hood. You know him? You love him? Straight from the Hundred Acre Hood? Winnie the poo, everybody! How's it going today?

SPEAKER_02 18:30

I have a rumbly in my tumbly. What are you drinking there?

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Is that honey? Well no, this is this is uh alcohol. Dude, are you just like is that a tub of molasses? I thought you were supposed to eat honey. Like what what's going on with that?

SPEAKER_02 18:48

I can't eat honey anymore because I have the diabetes.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

I don't think that's like that good of an idea. I mean, you're like two feet tall. Like, how do you go through like four gallons of collecting molasses?

SPEAKER_02 19:02

Can you open this tub of molasses for me? I can't open anything. Because if you look at a picture of my hand, it doesn't have any definable fingers. What's this button?

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Dude, no, you can't get your hands off the freaking microphone. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 19:20

You're gonna get your sticky ass hands off the microphone.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

You're getting molasses on the windscreen of the microphone. You know what's surprising? Uh I actually didn't expect your voice to sound like this. Like I was your voice being like, uh Mr. Robin! Ooh! I remember before I thought your voice was like, oh, look at me on the boo! But yeah, like your natural voice is way different than I would have expected. Like, oh. You must be like a really wicked voice actor, by the way. You're kinda just doing what I'm doing. You're you're copying off me. I'm gonna copy Booty Jackson.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

I can't wait to go to town on this tub of molasses. I love when it gets stuck all over my paws and lips, and then I can lick off the leftovers after.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Has anybody else ever called you by like any other names? Or do you have any other like nude nicknames that people call you? I don't believe so. Uh, has anyone ever called you like Winnie the Shit or something like that? Oh my god. Press the button, go ahead, doubt. Alright, oh, you want to click the button like that? Fine, no, I don't see anything. Oh yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, yes, yes, no, I'll be a good one. Well that's all the time we have for today. That's all the time we have for today. Hope you enjoyed the curves. Make sure you like and join the test here.