Kisses from Kenya Episode 6: Global Erasures

Premiered on 9 Mar 2026  Kisses From Kenya

EPISODE 6: Global Erasures

Visible and invisible at the same time - that's the reality of being an American in Kenya, a queer person in a Global South country, a diaspora voice in a conversation that keeps getting shaped by people who aren't in the room. Vuyanzi and Brendan get into who gets heard, who gets quoted, and who gets quietly cut from the story.

In this episode:

• Whose America Is It Anyway? - the Global North's track record of telling LGBTQ+ people in Africa what their liberation should look like, and why that's a problem
• Deep Dive: Vuyanzi on diaspora political participation, being an outsider within global activism, and what "performative listening" actually costs; Brendan on queer erasure inside global organisations, including what's happening at the Rotary Club
• Joint reflection - how do you stay loud without being exoticised? What does real cross-border solidarity look like versus the version that gets press releases?
• Culture Clash Hotline - African men, cold coffee, and the audacity of timing
• Queer & Black Joy - Brendan got taken on a date; Vuyanzi is reclaiming her daytime and letting the nightlife wait

Democrats Abroad Kenya | LGBTQ Africa | Global South queer rights | Diaspora voting abroad | Black diaspora podcast | Queer expat Kenya | Global North Global South | American abroad Nairobi | Rotary Club queer inclusion

If this conversation matters to you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Kisses from Kenya is the podcast for Americans living abroad who haven't stopped paying attention. Subscribe for new episodes every week.

#KissesFromKenya #DemocratsAbroad #GlobalSouth #QueerAfrica #BlackDiaspora #Erasure #LGBTQRights #ExpatsOfNairobi #DiasporaVoices #AmericanAbroad

Transcript

Vuyanzi 0:06

Hey, Kisses from Kenya is produced by Democrats Abroad Kenya, but everything you hear in this podcast reflects our personal perspectives. As Americans living in Kenya.

Brendan 0:20

Yes. Nothing we say should be taken as the official stance of Democrats Abroad Kenya, Democrats Abroad Global, or the Democratic Party. And this is an entertainment space and not an official policy platform. Thank you. All right. All right, y'all. Welcome to Kisses from Kenya, the podcast that proves that you can be visible and invisible at the same time.

Vuyanzi 0:50

Oh gosh. And I am Vuyanzi, uh counting votes, counting blessings, and wondering if anyone up north, and I'll tell you where that is in a moment. Because I just found out where the north was.

Brendan 1:05

That could be our funny thing for me.

Vuyanzi 1:08

Here's us at all. The more you know, yes. That was uh PBS, right? No, was it PBS or Reading Rainbow?

Brendan 1:18

No, that I no, it was PBS.

Vuyanzi 1:20

It was PBS on a whole. I love PBS, I love NPR, I'm all about the public things.

Brendan 1:26

That's why we're here.

Vuyanzi 1:28

Okay.

Brendan 1:29

But do you want to tell them about your your your your learning mom?

Vuyanzi 1:34

Yeah, because apparently Brendan was saying something about the global north and the global south. I'm here thinking, like, okay, Egypt?

Brendan 1:44

I don't know what is what is the south. They might agree with that.

Vuyanzi 1:50

Well, yeah. The south, I'm thinking Louisiana. I didn't know what this was. And then Brendan just explained to me what global north and global south are. I won't say it in the very sexy words you did, so please explain. Mansplain. Can I just say something about that? I recently, a few weeks a few months ago, we went on our Democrats abroad walk. And so we were trying to figure out the way back. It's like the left or the right. And this is a small group of us. And this one guy who happens to be very handsome, you know who that tall glass of water is. Okay. So anyway, there's a lady walking, he's like, um, I think you turn right, let's say. And everyone's like, Oh no, I think it's left. This one lady in the group says, Well, he's a man, so I'm told I'm supposed to listen to what a man says. So I'm just gonna trust whatever he says. And I know some of our colleagues were there and they were like, You just sent us back. Like nobody's getting the wrong information, and you just sent us back decades. Okay, anyway, yes, so I'm sorry. Uh, Brendan, would you like to explain what the global north and global south are? Um, I thought it was really interesting.

Brendan 3:14

So, I mean, it was just like I and y'all, please correct me if I'm wrong because I might be mansplaining and be brought, which is usually also the case. But I think it's somebody would just tell me about mansplaining in general. There's like a 90% chance that like whatever is being mansplained is a is not right. But we just have like audacity and abundance, so isn't that something? Yeah, that's a whole different episode, too, by the way. So that the idea was like, you know, because traditionally, like we always well, so you know, when we were kids, like the the phrases were first world and third world, and then you have like second world.

Vuyanzi 3:50

It's it's amazing how you're saying when we're kids, and I still am around people using it in 2025.

Brendan 3:56

And I say developing so then like the replacement to that was like you know, the developed world and like developing countries. And then um at some point, I mean I I think it must be in like the last 15 years or so, because I feel like this came about after I graduated from me. So but there was this idea of like like even that's like a bit pedantic because it's like you're still like focusing so much on like the the haves and the have nots aspect of it.

Vuyanzi 4:24

Yeah, yeah.

Brendan 4:25

And so for a while people were talking about like Western, like Western countries, um but then something that kind of came out also in response to that was like really like when you're talking about this kind of divide, like you have countries like China or Russia or like really most of like Southeast Asia, which like are you know developed to like use the old terminology. And so people started thinking about like what is the a way that we could better draw this distinction, and so this idea of like the global north, since like almost all of those countries are in the northern hemisphere, we talked about Australia being like the exception, but you know, they're also like a settler colony, so sorry, Australians with prisoners.

Vuyanzi 5:13

That's not prisoners. The truth.

Brendan 5:15

Sorry for the truth, I don't know. But um yeah, that was just kind of like the that's kind of like the I I think like a newer way to talk about the global dynamics, and it's like a little less focused on like who has what.

Vuyanzi 5:32

So the global north are those formerly what we call developed countries, yeah, like industrialized nations. Okay, I love industrialized, and the global south would be those developing nations. And all yeah, well, what we considered.

Brendan 5:48

When you think about like South America, Central America, Africa nations, like the parts of Asia that sit below, you know, so like Indonesia, like those kind of areas in the in the um API region, but or not API region, API people in the Asia Pacific region.

Vuyanzi 6:09

Okay. See, I also have problematic when I yeah, yeah, and actually there's even another something, a puck. Okay, anyway, but yeah, so even though some for some of us our Wi-Fi is better, and here there's MPESA, a mobile mobile wallet here that America, for instance, doesn't even know or understand. But hey, okay, fine. For the for the sake of what we're talking about, yes.

Brendan 6:34

So well, that I think is an interesting segue into this week's episode of Whose America Is It Anyway?

Vuyanzi 6:44

This land is my land, this land is your land, okay.

Brendan 6:48

Unless you're a black, brown, or indigenous, but basically, but who's keeping track? Anyway, so um this week the headlines that I was looking at, um, you know, they're really about you know, my people.

Vuyanzi 7:08

Oh, that sounds French. Legibit quoi.

Brendan 7:12

That's usually because we're doing a lot of tongue action. So interesting, like, like the I mean, we're kind of in this space now where I was finding a lot of articles that are talking about this idea that like, you know, the global north actually the spirits are back. I don't know if y'all can see this, but when we talk about certain things, usually what we're getting at the Holy Spirit.

Vuyanzi 7:42

It's a whole thing, like you can see, like, you know, it's like somehow okay, anyway, go ahead.

Brendan 7:47

Yes, um but yeah, so like this idea that like you know, even within like the LGBTQ AI plus like community, like there's also these same dynamics, right? Which historically, like there's been a lot of also saviorism that like happens like within the queer community, right? It's this idea of like, oh, you know, like the Africans like don't know what they're doing, right? Um, and so like one of these articles is talking about how like the global north's approach to LGBTI rights in Africa doesn't work, um which you know I I think is probably true, um, because so much of it has always been like, oh, well, like this is what we did in like our country, so like just do the same thing.

Vuyanzi 8:37

That whole idea is very pervasive, right? Of well, we did it like this. So besides your your culture, your anything, we're just gonna still bring this to you the way we did it, just do it that way, and it works, but that's not the case.

Brendan 8:52

But like I find it hilarious, like when you look at a country like Kenya, for instance, like um, which has a constitution that was put in place in 2010, so less than 15 years ago.

Vuyanzi 9:03

You can meet the writers of the constitution at bars, like you just momentum, yeah.

Brendan 9:08

And so it's like it's like, how are you like, especially as Americans, it's like how I feel like people be looking at us like y'all got uh uh an old rag. I think I'll inflate me on the internet for this. Y'all got an old rag from 1776 that y'all are using as the framework to make trying to roll it out, trying not to work to get it. Hey, you gonna come over here and tell me like this how I gotta do you don't run this.

Vuyanzi 9:37

Let me tell you like when when we say right, because when it's in our minds and people are enacting it as we do it like every day, it seems like it's almost like it's okay. Do what we do, we got this, but it's like, wait a minute.

Brendan 9:53

Well, what what I found so interesting was like, so like we had like our learning session last night, like the virtual one about um land rights, and so we had two um Kenyans who came to speak about um the history of like the fight for indigenous land rights in Kenya, and it's like even like in the course of the discussion, like you know, I was like making all these connections in my head as I'm like listening to them talk. Because like a few of the questions I asked were like, you know, like what advice would you have for Americans on like how to fix this? Because like, you know, we haven't had any major improvement on you know indigenous land reparation or wholeness in the US in like probably the better part of a century. So and you know, like both of them were just like, I don't really know what to tell you because it's like here, like when our constitution wasn't working, we've made a new one. And I was like, I I hadn't really stopped to think like I mean, aside from everything else, I was just sitting there and I was like, what would it be like if we could actually just like press reboot?

Vuyanzi 10:58

Yo, like, and it's so simple yet so profound.

Brendan 11:02

Yeah, because like all of a sudden you're not constrained by this like framework that's been there since like you know, people still own people.

Vuyanzi 11:11

I was literally going to say enslavement. Like, we could not even first of all we wouldn't even, but we'd probably be dead with our mouths, really.

Brendan 11:19

Our mouths and our heads absolutely be in the stockade in the middle of the square.

Vuyanzi 11:24

No, I would have been killed, gone.

Brendan 11:27

I mean, they would have been looking at me like, well, we're gonna have to hang you because we give you the last you all like although although that is uh the United States Constitution.

Vuyanzi 11:41

Holy smoke, right? The same thing that said what blacks were one-third or what was it, of a human being.

Brendan 11:48

Well, I mean, just to me as like what is this? Sorry. There there are aspects of our constitu. I mean, now we're getting into a whole other discussion, but you know, Obama was a constitutional scholar, so I think he'd enjoy this.

Vuyanzi 11:59

Um if he's watching, hey send empesa. Um and he probably knows what empesa is, okay? Come back to the motherland.

Brendan 12:13

Um I mean, there's just this, um I like I think there there are things to be said for the fact that I think because you know, context aside, I do think that like the American Constitution was written in a way that's like actually like relatively simple, right? Like a lot of it is just like very broad principles um which then have been used to like then frame up very specific laws ever since then. So there is like part of me that's like I can see like the benefit of that, but like also the detriment is that like whoever is making the laws at the time is able to interpret those things however the way that they want to. Yeah. Whereas like you look at a place like South Africa, where you know, in their constitution, like in the constitution that they um instituted at the end of apart-time, like for instance, like equal protections like for LGBTQ people specifically are spelled out in the constitution.

Vuyanzi 13:15

Right.

Brendan 13:16

And so it's like, even though LGBT rights might not be the most popular thing at the moment, like y'all stuck with them.

Vuyanzi 13:25

Yeah, but I mean, but here's the thing, right? Even thinking about like a constitution reboot, if you will, you can keep those principles that are still applicable today, yeah, and then you can adapt. Like, what's the problem with modernizing it? And it's not about being modern, but meet the needs of what is going on today and still keeping like free speech and uh you know certain things like that, uh, maybe revisit the 13th um amendment because with jailing and uh that's the bill of rights.

Brendan 13:58

So you're already out of the constitution at that point. Like most of the rights that we actually like enjoy are actually in the Bill of Rights, not in the because one of the things that they decide, like when because you know the Bill of Rights came within like 50 years after the Constitution was framed. But that's part of that's because even the original Federalists at some point were like we might have given you all a little too too much room for interpretation.

Vuyanzi 14:26

Let's just kind of say that.

Brendan 14:28

Imagine a world in which like, but I guess like I guess the flip side of it and like the thing that a lot of times people use as a fear-based tactic to like fight against that is like imagine if in the current administration they were gonna reboot the constitution.

Vuyanzi 14:43

It's bad enough the Supreme Court justices, who's you know, who gets appointed, who's the majority of the appointees, and how they stay there for life. That could be a whole different episode. What is that about? Let's keep going. Because I feel like by the end of some of these talks, my blood pressure going into the darkness. Seriously, pull me out, pull me out.

Brendan 15:08

Imagine we're Americans. Whenever we talk about America, we go straight in the usually I like going in the gutter, but this is not the type of gutter we want to be in. Well, so today we were talking about this idea of erasure and identity, visibility, and invisibility. Um, I'm curious to see, I I mean, I I know I have something I want to talk about, but I'm curious to hear from you. Because I think the reason I had dropped this in here, just looking at the notes I have here, is like there was something that we had talked about where like you were talking about you know, as a black American living in Africa, but then being in like global spaces with other activists, yeah. Like this idea of like like how how your experiences interpreted by your fellow people back in in the north, back up north.

Vuyanzi 16:06

Oh, in the north, right. I really have to get used to this saying. I'm like, I'm sorry. What was I doing? In the old time, that was the place. It was, but I had I my brain is like very that used to be where we're but now we want to be in the south.

Brendan 16:22

Okay, fine.

Vuyanzi 16:23

Fine.

Brendan 16:24

I mean, even the US, like, despite everything, I'd I'd rather be in the south. The food is better.

Vuyanzi 16:32

The food is better, especially Louisiana. I mean, goodness gracious.

Brendan 16:37

It's like again, if we could just reboot the government.

Vuyanzi 16:39

Oh my gosh, wait, can we just digress for a minute just about food?

Brendan 16:42

Um I'm cooking gumbo on Sunday, by the way.

Vuyanzi 16:45

Oh.

Brendan 16:46

If you want to come back.

Vuyanzi 16:47

Oh, okay. No, but I'll come by.

Brendan 16:51

I'm looking at them like I'm making some chicken and okra gumbo, some mac chicken.

Vuyanzi 16:56

Some collard green. Oh my god. Okay, this is a thing. The food in the south is hella better in the United States, in the southern region of the United States.

Brendan 17:06

I mean in the southern region of the world, yeah. I mean, look at who they got down here.

Vuyanzi 17:15

So but you want some cheese on some bread. In New Orleans, though, specifically, I had it was the first time I ever had um, what was it, like oyster, grilled oysters. With yes, with the garlic, but the garlic and the butter, and then we had this crusty bread. I had never had that except for in New Orleans, and then the poor boy, poor boy sandwiches, and just the food, and then you could walk around drinking alcohol and it's legal.

Brendan 17:48

There's a reason why every time I go home, like I literally have it's like I feel like I have to like put on my waist beads before I leave, so that I have like a sign that's like stop. Food is so good. No more anti-face for you, Jamie.

Vuyanzi 18:07

Oh god, okay. I'm sorry, but I I'm a food person, but um, I'm sorry, what were we talking about? Okay, so my experience, Kenny, I'm so sorry, but I'm gonna need you to ask the question again. So sorry. I'm sorry.

Brendan 18:20

Well, I think it's it's like this idea that I think for both of us, like you wind up like you're you're in a place that's not home, like you know, you're here in Kenya, which you know, there's a whole experience of interacting with people here, but then there's also an experience of interacting with people from back home while here, and the way that they think about it, talk about your experience while here.

Vuyanzi 18:46

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, and I think that goes back to, and it's something that I think will come up often when we talk about something like this is that I live in Africa. Yeah, it's not it's Africa is a country, right? And and and even though let's say they know it's not, but I don't even think people are understanding the. Exactly. Uh a continent of what 54 nations. One of them, I mean, and the way you actually are within each nation, different regions are also different regions, different countries, like different regions, different languages, different people, yet it's still this idea when I speak to people that it's it's like a very um like a monolithic uh anything with the MO. We ain't got that. Sorry, I'm so sorry.

Brendan 19:44

She is available though.

Vuyanzi 19:46

I think I am! I'm smiling like you said.

Brendan 19:52

Look at the material. Okay, I'm sorry, I guess. But there's also like I always get that, there's like that um it's like both like in the way that people speak, even like their body language, like it's like, so what's it like out there?

Vuyanzi 20:07

Like what one person, and maybe I've said this. Someone's like, I I thought I was gonna see because I remember I was living on a building, and I just kind of took the camera that this was like a teacher or whatever, and I probably told this story, and I'll always say it because it really surprised me. Um and I showed her, I was like, Oh, this is one of the things. She's like, Oh, and she saw buildings, yeah. She's like, Oh, I was expecting, I guess I was expecting to see HUDs. Oh girl. So even how people come, so I will say this story. I'm thinking about this. At my church, there were some young missionaries, young white missionaries from America who came. So I go to a very local church. You know, many times they they don't speak in Kiswahili because they're like, oh, Vuyanzi's here. Like literally from the pulpit, they're like, oh, we're sorry, Vuyansi's here. Like, literally they do that. So I'm saying hi to these people as they come in because you know we're greeting people. And one's like, your accent. I'm just like, I'm from New Jersey and New York. That's that's the accent. They're like, oh, I was wondering how you spoke English. So the missionary? Yes, yes, sir. The missionaries came to visit, they were there for like a week and what kind of church do you go? It's a non-denominational church. Okay, yeah, but like they were the one, maybe the others were too, but there was one who vocalized. Yeah, she didn't like I was speaking like that. Why? Yeah.

Brendan 21:41

So I I have this in the I have well I think like in in spaces there, I think that a lot of times what I find is like there's always like an like a layered assumption of like poverty.

Vuyanzi 21:56

Right?

Brendan 21:57

Especially if I go to church in the US. There's often like it's always like, oh, is there another project that we can help? Do they have water? Sorry, absolutely. I'm like, well, depending on where you go, no. But like, why is it the first thing that comes to mind?

Vuyanzi 22:14

Isn't it?

Brendan 22:15

Like that you need to intervene and help.

Vuyanzi 22:18

Yes. And in in yeah. Not in even a way that.

Brendan 22:24

Like that is part of the global reparation structure. However, okay. Can you do it silently without like asking me all these questions?

Vuyanzi 22:34

Over there.

Brendan 22:36

Can I narrate my experience to you first before you like put your expectations on me?

Vuyanzi 22:41

And it is, it is, yeah. This is um and even I've I've had some friends who are just not interested in coming because of mindset.

Brendan 22:52

We we talked about the whole issue with like, you know, my experience of like queer people there, like imposing their expectations on me here. Yeah. I think the the thing I was thinking about when we were getting ready for today's episode was like I'm also experiencing like a little bit of the flip right now. Cause like, you know, I'm so I'm part of the Rotary Club, which you know is like an international organization. Um, you know, of course I'm in the uh Kenyan Rotary Club, so I think I'm the only non-Kenyan in my club.

Vuyanzi 23:26

Okay.

Brendan 23:26

I mean, you know, we have a couple like we have a couple of folks from like Uganda or like other African countries, but I'm definitely the only like well I'm definitely I'm the only white for sure. Right. Like, you know, in all the group photos I stand out, but um, but not even just like like not even in my club. It's like I'm experiencing this issue within Rotary where it's like, you know, I'm I'm very visibly myself all the time. Yeah, you know, like I should absolutely places and places as me. In part because there's some of this that I just can't hide. Yeah, but also like, you know, I've just reached the age where I'm like, y'all are y'all are gonna put me in the box now. It's like we're talking about like you can't just diminish me. Yes, we can't remember the song, right? But like I I'm in a space at this point where like, you know, also because like people tend to be not so direct, um, not directly to my face, but through other channels, like I I'm getting information that like people are not necessarily so comfortable with like me being my full self. And what I find fascinating about it is like, you know, if I like raise a bunch of money, you know, like I raised 500,000 shillings when I did my mountain climb for were they uncomfortable with that? No, yeah.

Vuyanzi 24:45

Did they say we won't take your gay money?

Brendan 24:48

It's like your your check doesn't look a little too fruity, so we're gonna send it back. No, that's like like that's never a problem. Or it's like, you know, if if I'm in a space where, you know, you know, because of the other aspects of my identity, especially like the white male nest, you know, like it gets access to certain things or access to people's ears, things like that, it's not a problem. But it's like, you know, when I sent out my birthday invite, apparently it caused some ruffling of feathers because I like you know, photoshopped my face onto like a woman.

Vuyanzi 25:25

I didn't get a birthday invite this year. Did I? Yeah, didn't I?

Brendan 25:29

It was blue ticked and was not responded to it. So anyway, that's what they were doing.

Vuyanzi 25:34

Sorry, I gotta check out.

Brendan 25:36

I'm like the people at the market, but I am not indirect.

Vuyanzi 25:40

Oh no, okay, because I wanted to go. Oh yes, I want to go. You know what the problem is if I read a message early in the morning, it's like another day. I don't know if that's age. Oh, it's fine.

Brendan 25:54

Like, I can't even tell you how often I like am searching for someone in my WhatsApp context, and the conversation comes up, and the last message is one from them that I like replied to in my head, but clearly either typed and didn't have to.

Vuyanzi 26:06

And you just left them hanging, blue-ticked them, you blue-ticked them and left. I can admit when I have a problem, okay?

Brendan 26:13

Okay, like y'all got all these other AI features, like like you y'all can't do what Google does where it's like you haven't responded to this. Oh, I love that.

Vuyanzi 26:22

Uh exactly. Why can't I sure WhatsApp is working on it? Okay. What a shame. Oh my god.

Brendan 26:30

They're owned by a mediocre white man. But um, anyway.

Vuyanzi 26:33

Who's always listening to me, by the way? Oh, why do all these ads come up exactly?

Brendan 26:38

You see, the little light just came out on your phone. They like to talk about us again. I know. I know.

Vuyanzi 26:45

Reporter! Anyway. Okay. Oh, are we gonna talk about some joy? Joy, joy, joy, joy, I was gonna joy, joy, joy, joy, joy, joy, joy, joy, joy. Okay, all right. So I'd love to share. Well, actually, for okay, you want to share your joy first? No, I shared first last time. I shared. Oh, okay, okay. So my black joy. I try to alternate them. Ah, okay, all right. So my my my black joy. Um, okay, so here's an initiative in my life. It's like operation deprioritize nightlife. Okay. Why um, number one, I like my sleep. Because you already said you could go function in the morning. You know what? That's that's let me tell you, I don't have to be doing anything too except for the home, y'all.

Brendan 27:40

Get her a bed ready.

Vuyanzi 27:44

So I I want to. Unless you want to.

Brendan 27:47

We said she's available. So if you're also a good caretaker, we might be able to overleft the other.

Vuyanzi 27:58

Okay.

Brendan 27:59

Um, please is part of yes. If you want to sponge me down in a bucket, look, fill it up right there, baby.

Vuyanzi 28:16

Okay, okay, everyone. Okay, use it. My ADHD is diagnosed. I don't know about this, but it it's undiagnosed, but it's there. It's it's there. Oh Lord, oh, that's what's happening. Someone's texting me. Okay, so okay, deprioritizing nightlife because I love my sleep. Um, and even right now, believe it or not, I've been on an alcohol fast for a couple of months since August 24th. That's amazing. It is, it is, it is. I don't know how long it'll last. By the time this is aired, I don't know if I'll still be on it. However, I I get clarity. And so I'm like, you know what? I love it when the sun is shining. I love to be out and about. So let me be out. So last Saturday I go spinning at 8 a.m. So that's my regular thing. Okay. Spinning at 8 a.m. Saturday morning. I took a shower there. I had coffee there with some of the spin folks, and then from there, I met someone else for coffee, and then I went to a festival. Then as I was walking in the festival, someone called me and said, Hey, I see you walking down the street. Come meet us. I went to the festival for a minute. I met I was out from from all day, and then I went home and went and took a shower, and then I still went out at night, but the prior did it the priority priorities because the spin people invited me out. But here's the thing: I was out all throughout the day. The sun was there, it was on my skin, it felt good, I felt clear, I met new people. How did you feel on Sunday? I felt good. I was the first one in church. Amen. I was the first one in church. Uh 11. I was the first one up in there. She said, let me go get my blessing. Okay. Okay, your joy, please. Um, so my clear joy is I gotta take it on a date. Oh, oh my gosh, I can't wait to hear this joy. I just wanted to sidebar and say that this lotion has my legs shining. I wish they could see how my legs are shining from the cocoa butter.

Brendan 30:31

You don't give up a coochie shot.

Vuyanzi 30:37

Okay, you can see. I tried to give you the okay. Anyway, yes, please tell me about it.

Brendan 30:45

Our information is down below. Um, between Obama and Palmer, somebody's gotta come to us. I ain't got no money out. Um, that's why I was so excited to get taken on a date. Okay, yes.

Vuyanzi 31:02

Oh, ooh, okay. Talk about the date.

Brendan 31:05

I I appreciate a man who gets creative when he wants to be a little romantic, okay? So, you know, this is a man he's he's he's not Kenyan, he's from the Sudan.

Vuyanzi 31:16

They're good looking people.

Brendan 31:18

Um, so he like invited me out. And I was kind of like, I don't really know what's going on. So they're like, okay, like so like to be clear, like this was somebody that was like originally like a like a bedroom meet, you know.

Vuyanzi 31:33

We know, we understand.

Brendan 31:36

Um you know, invited me out. He's like, well, you know, come meet me like at this like Sudanese restaurant. And I was like, like, you know, like we already talked about we love food. You talk like we go on for food. Oh yeah, yes, y'all got seasoned food? Okay, come on. Woo! So um I arrived, and it turns out that he like works at the restaurant, which like at first I was kind of like so.

Vuyanzi 32:01

Was he working that night?

Brendan 32:03

So he was like working, but it was like a Saturday, like in like the late afternoon, so it was like there wasn't anybody there, and he works in the kitchen.

Vuyanzi 32:09

So like you were on a work date?

Brendan 32:11

No, but like I'm judging with him. So, but like what I appreciate, like again, because it's like if if you can't like necessarily take me out, he was like, Well, I'm gonna take you in.

Vuyanzi 32:21

So who says that? Nobody says wait, but did you know ahead of time that he worked there or you got there that's surprised?

Brendan 32:32

I figured out what's that arrived, but it was fine. Okay, well, so the thing is like all the like little girls that he works with were all like, oh, like it was cute, you know. It's like and it's like in this like like I'll take you there actually sometime. Like the food is cute, good, it's cute, like it's well decorated. Oh, I would love to go. It's in the back of one of them little malls, you know. So it's like, yeah, everyone in the mall is like, you know, mostly like from another country. So you've got like a lot of Ethiopians and Sudanese, there's like all this different stuff going on.

Vuyanzi 32:57

Yeah.

Brendan 32:58

So we're in the back at the Sudanese restaurant, you know, he brings out this big old platter with like all these different stews on it. Oh my gosh. And then like they eat, like it's it's similar to the injera, but it's different. Like it's not as thick, it's like a little thinner. It's almost like like the like kind of how like um like almost like a crate kind of thickness, but it's still springy. Sounds good. And then they also eat like this, it's like like this puffy bread that's almost like a puffier version of like a pita, or you know, like when you get like a really fresh pita how it like puffs up, yeah, yeah. It's like that. So they use both of those, but like certain things for certain smooths and stuff. You gotta understand the whole doing the whole thing, like give me the whole explanation. Then we have some Swedenese coffee that they like bring out. Oh my god, like this was beautiful. Baobob juice. I've never had baobob juice. No, I didn't know you could make juice delicious.

Vuyanzi 33:51

I use it on my skin.

Brendan 33:53

Oh, and then like he likes he's like, Oh, you know, like let me take you down like to some of these other places. Okay, because like it wasn't that busy, right? So they're like basically he had gotten permission already to like spend time with me while he while I was there.

Vuyanzi 34:05

Okay, he got permission to be on the date. Well, you'd be there 12 hours a day, they could give him an hour.

Brendan 34:13

Anyway, so he takes me like the little flaffel guy, and like get my little fresh like flaffles from this other Sudanese. You have to take me to this place, by the way. He takes me out the way. So the thing that I didn't know, well, he he had brought me some the first time we met, but um, we're talking about food stuff. Um, okay. The fala, yes. So he had brought me some um Sudanese people also make bakloba. Oh, I'd love to taste that. And so he had brought me some the first time, so I knew it it existed, but he like took me to the bakloba shop where it's like, you know, you can pick the different stuff you want, and it's like the kind where it's like it's it's like completely like drenched in that like sugar syrup, you know. So it's like they pick it up. So they deliver, I would think I want to order from there tonight.

Vuyanzi 34:59

Okay, that's yeah.

Brendan 35:02

Um so then he takes me to the Ethiopian place on the other side of the little mall where like his little like work wife is, and so like she's like serving us like Ethiopian coffee. Yeah, that sounds nice. Back to the other place, you know. I had to take a little, like a little Zoom call real quick with one of my little minties, okay. And then like he's like, Let me know what you're done. Like he's like, Oh, go do some stuff. So he comes back with this fruit salad, and it's like like this in this big bowl, like covered in the syrup. Like you were getting fed. You were getting fed. Fantastic. So yeah, I was like, I have it, like it's like you know, like I mean, I think I like I I bought like a little bag of fluffle and I bought some buffer but I take home, but like I haven't been taken out and winded up by the biggest.

Vuyanzi 35:55

Oh my you were dying, dying. Were your stomach like this big by the time you were done?

Brendan 36:01

I mean, no, because you know, I still have things to do later. Now, but which brings me to our last segment, which is the culture clash hotline. I need to tell you about the culture clash that happened on the back end of all this.

Vuyanzi 36:18

So this was so good, he's gonna ruin it for us now.

Brendan 36:21

No, all that was fabulous. No, it's not ruining, it's just because culture clash is all about like just different expectations. It doesn't have to be ruin. But so, you know, I'm I'm I'm I am still a consummate American in some way. And despite the fact that most of my American friends will tell you that timeliness was never one of my like best attributes. I I know how to be timely when I get you know there there are certain things that are not flights that I can still treat like a flight. Right? It's like I when I know there's like logistics involved, and especially if it means I can avoid sitting in traffic, I'm gonna be on time. So um all this was on Saturday, so you know, after he got off work, I came over tonight. Um so in the morning, like so he was gonna leave. I had another friend who was coming who is gonna go with me because I needed to leave to go to Nanyuki, and I had a plus one, right? So I have carefully orchestrated all these logistics, right? Because it's like, you know, I need to leave my house by nine. So the one who's coming, I told nine, like we're leaving. I told this one nine, we're leaving. You know, I have to go and pick up one of my friends because I'm taking her with me to go look at this apartment that I might buy. So I'm like, I I'm telling her, like, she's in Parkland. So I'm like, I will be there by 9:30, so we can be on time to the apartment at 10, and then we gotta leave on the road to go to Nanuka by 11, because I am driving in nobody's dark on the back road. So all of this has been sorted out, right? Would you believe? Like, first of all, like it's like eight something. The one who's coming is like texting me, like, oh, like I'm not in town yet, but I'm like, I'm sorry, you know, I'm already over there, like kind of heated. Yeah, like I'm like ready to go. Like, I got my bags packed, everything is like, and I'm just like, you know, making coffee, making a little breakfast, you know, for for this one, and maybe a little bit for the other one too. Um which is fine. They both know about this, by the way.

Vuyanzi 38:31

Yeah, because I mean you're not committed, there's no commitment.

Brendan 38:33

Well, and at one point, all three of us might have been together. So, like, it's like 9 15.

Vuyanzi 38:44

Uh-uh. Where are you? Please tell me you're in the car.

Brendan 38:48

I'm still in this apartment.

Vuyanzi 38:49

Oh goodness.

Brendan 38:51

So all of it is like fire, like, because to be clear, like I am aware and I am aware and self-aware enough to like build in some extra buffer time, right? Because it's like really like we had to be out the door by like 9 30-ish. You know, but it's like I'm just telling everyone everything is like zoomed up a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the same way that because you are to me, because I'm also habitually late, but it's not one of these things.

Vuyanzi 39:15

So, um meanwhile, I'm late all the time for these, but he's on time.

Brendan 39:22

I'd be over here working on other stuff. It's fine. I'm like, we'll get a hit on some of my other stuff. Um, but so everything about him is fine, right? Because like I said, I like worked in some extra time, it's fine. Until this man, like, you know, I've made breakfast, yeah, you know, it's here on the table. Yes, you know, I've made coffee, you know, though to the specifications that were requested, everything. The specifications, you know, like sweet and non-sweet. Okay, fine, fine, fine, okay, okay. Yes. This man had the uh audacity, the unadulterated and unmetigated gall to pass the coffee mug to me and be like, oh, can you warm this for me? It's cold.

Vuyanzi 40:12

So how to give me a lot of ideas? What about being that side was unclear? I've already been flexible as I can be. Wait a minute. Okay, oh I was like, what's happened? Okay. Look, now this we had to go to the other direction. I'm over here shower. Um what did you really say this to him? Did you say something about this?

Brendan 40:39

Well, I was just I was like, uh, I was like, so when I said we need to leave at 9, and you're looking at your watch and it's like almost 9.20, and you're asking me to do additional tasks that require time. I'm just trying to understand like the logical sequence that we're like sorry, sorry. And he was like, Well, I didn't like realize that you like really meant nine. And I was like, look at me. Look at this stuff packed. Like everything is sitting next to the door, like grabbing ghost at us. Like you even saw me putting like coffee into a to-go.

Vuyanzi 41:25

What about those cues, those social cues? Did you not understand? Okay, so that is everything was fine.

Brendan 41:33

I mean, in in the at the end of the day, like like later on, he was just like, you know, like actually unprompted, he was like, I just wanted to apologize. Like, you know, like I feel so you know, I think like it was culture clash on both sides because I think there were assumptions made. Yeah, both sides.

Vuyanzi 41:48

Yes, especially if he said I didn't know. Yeah, yeah.

Brendan 41:53

Um but I I was like, in the future, like dealing with an American will he be back?

Vuyanzi 41:59

That's what I wanted to ask. Will he be back?

Brendan 42:02

I mean, if he goes show up with some Bakhaba, then he could do whatever he wants.

Vuyanzi 42:06

Okay, good. Okay, so we'll we'll wait to hear part two, or maybe really it's a part three about this guy. But anyway, I love that. That's hysterical. I mean, and to be clear, the other one was late too.

Brendan 42:19

I feel like what made it extra stressful was like my friend that we were going to pick up is also like very timely.

Vuyanzi 42:24

So she's just sitting there waiting.

Brendan 42:26

She's Kenyan, but she's timely.

Vuyanzi 42:27

Yeah.

Brendan 42:29

So, like, two people are thinking Kenyan time, one person is thinking American time, and one person is thinking American Kenyan time. So there was just a lot of like mixed expectations, and then the poor girl who was going out, like come and open the apartment was like, Well, she wanna be late.

Vuyanzi 42:50

Maybe that should be a whole different a whole different concept of time.

Brendan 42:54

Is it relative? I mean, yeah, lived experience also would agree.

Vuyanzi 43:00

Yeah, yeah. I mean, and it's important, right?

Brendan 43:02

Because you want to value a person's time. So, yeah, we could definitely talk about this another one because I've I probably exploded on 18 different people this week about time. But uh anyway, um, that is our episode for today, and we went way over time.

Vuyanzi 43:16

Speaking of time, I know we're gonna have to get a lot of this on the cutting floor, especially me coughing. I don't know what's just happening over there. But at the end of the day, we may be far from home, but our voices echo across oceans. Ocean, ocean, oh shit.

Brendan 43:35

Even if the mic sometimes pointed in the wrong direction. So we hope you'll join us for the next one. This has been Kisses and Kisses from Kenya. And if you have a submission for anything or feedback or anything, please send it to us. You can find our contacts on the page, or you can also comment on these videos. Yeah, please come. And especially culture clash. That's one we'd love to hear from you guys. What's a culture clash that you experience?

Vuyanzi 44:06

Could be in or out of the bedroom. But it's more fun to hear the stories in. Exactly.

Brendan 44:16

Anyway, thanks, y'all. See you next time.