Kisses from Kenya Episode 19: Death, Data, and Desire

EPISODE 19: Death, Data, and Desire

This one starts somewhere tender. Vuyanzi opens up about losing her sister during Covid while she was in Kenya - the distance, the grief, and the network of people who showed up anyway. Brendan shares his own experience losing his uncle in 2021 after making the move. It's a conversation about what it means to grieve from far away, and it earns everything that comes after it.

In this episode:

• Opening conversation - death from a distance: two stories, two losses, one honest conversation about grief abroad and the communities that hold you through it
• Whose America Is It Anyway? - the AI bubble and what it's doing to human cognition, with particular attention to Grok; Palantir and the question of who benefits from data exploitation; Vuyanzi on a Diary of a CEO episode worth your time
• Queer & Black Joy - Brendan has been invited to the next stage of publication consideration for Africa is a Country, with two short horror stories about AI and social media; Vuyanzi makes a case for getting him to read his poetry on the show. Also: Vuyanzi may have met someone, and she thinks she might be sapiosexual

Democrats Abroad Kenya, Black diaspora podcast, American abroad Nairobi, AI and mental health, Grok AI, Palantir, grief abroad, Africa is a Country, living in Kenya, African diaspora

Kisses from Kenya is the podcast for Americans living abroad who haven't stopped paying attention. Subscribe and find your people.

#KissesFromKenya #DemocratsAbroad #BlackDiaspora #AmericanAbroad #AIBubble #Palantir #GriefAbroad #AfricaIsACountry #NairobiPodcast #QueerJoy

Transcript

Vuyanzi 0:06

Hey, Kisses from Kenya is produced by Democrats Abroad Kenya, but everything you hear in this podcast reflects our personal perspectives. Nothing they might be as Americans living in Kenya.

Brendan 0:20

Yes. Nothing we say should be taken as the official stance of Democrats Abroad Kenya, Democrats Abroad Global, or the Democratic Party. And this is an entertainment space and not an official policy platform. Thank you. Y'all right over there? Y'all right over there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was distracted. Are you distracted doing something? No, I'm not. Y'all. Wait, are you with me? I'm seeing you. I'm over the way to my.

Vuyanzi 0:54

I was gonna transcribe them for you. I'm just gonna no, I just I have something. I know what I want to talk about. I'll I know what I want to talk about. And I just want to. No, I didn't know you're she watching video notes. No, I did I don't know. This new guy is I I just could hit it.

Brendan 1:13

Huh? He could get it.

Vuyanzi 1:14

Yeah.

Brendan 1:15

You're gonna let him hit it.

Vuyanzi 1:16

No, I'm not gonna let him hit it. We talked about this. Teach when you reach.

Brendan 1:22

Well, let them reach.

Vuyanzi 1:26

No, no, because I'm settling down now. I'm not gonna be a player no more.

Brendan 1:30

Bit Bush did not say right in the bat hell. For you to be slow walking.

Vuyanzi 1:36

I've been I've been fast walking a long time. You got a New York City walk-up. I seriously, no, but let's see, he might just be my friend. But okay, sorry. I hate to be a Debbie Downer. I told you you just let him take.

Brendan 1:52

You gotta just let him take a little bit so that you can see if it works or not. No, no, because I'll teach him if I need to. I told you that's when you put him in the sorting hat.

Vuyanzi 2:02

No, I'm not sure.

Brendan 2:03

Are you a Hufflepuff or are you a Gryffindor?

Vuyanzi 2:08

Okay. Jeez, how do I go from that to what I was gonna talk about? Well, guess what?

Brendan 2:14

Just transition.

Vuyanzi 2:16

Bam! There we go. So a few weeks ago, uh, it was Easter, but by the time this airs, I know it'll be way after Easter, but Easter came and Easter went. And then I looked at the date and I said, oh my gosh, it was it was Jenny's five-year anniversary of Jenny's death. Jenny was my sister who died on Easter morning, Easter Sunday morning. Well, it was Sunday morning, it was evening here, it was morning in New York where she lived in Nyack, no, Spring Valley at that time. And I got the call while I was here in Kenya. And so it it so number one, I felt happy that I didn't feel sad. You know, of course I'm sad that my sister died, but finally that that date could come and go and be like a crisis, right? A heavy situation or crying. And it made me just think about a couple of things. Number one, how good it was at that time. There are two people I no longer really keep in touch with them, who were super supportive and allowed me to watch her funeral because it was COVID times. I did not go home. It we did they did it on um streaming. That's when they started doing streaming funerals to go. Now it just sounds normal, but it's crazy. So I watched it with them. They're a couple now, to my understanding. And um it was good to have that support here because not having any relatives here. Also, um, also it brought out some other things too. Because some other ways that I thought some people would be supportive, they disappeared. They were not there at all. So I feel like number one, it's already difficult to deal with death. Number one, it's difficult, a death, death of a loved one. Number two, especially being abroad, because that was not expected. It was just like Jenny didn't wake up the next day. She was fine, she went to sleep and didn't wake up. And then it's just like now you see, right? And people will show you who they are. So it when that happened, I started also knowing, and there's some people that are still in my life now. However, if I was having a crisis, I know who I'm not going to call because I got to see it real time at that time who was supportive and who wasn't. Um, and then finally, I will say this, and of course, this happened later on that year because I did go back. Yeah, I went back for my daughter's wedding that year, and then I brought some of her ashes here. And I said, Jenny, you never made it to Africa in life, because the thing was Africa, not necessarily Kenya. So I went to there's a park near us, Aberetum, and there's a little stream in the back. I don't even know what's in that stream. We're not even gonna get into that. It's probably polluted waters, but I put her ashes there. So, anyway, it just is how how do you handle death, being abroad, even when you maybe someone is sick and you cannot get to them? How do you manage that? And how do you kind of source for people who are really gonna be supportive?

Brendan 5:25

On that note, welcome to kisses for people.

Vuyanzi 5:28

Oh my god, oh my god, I really forgot. I'm so sorry. And I feel like they need a hug of comfort, a hug of comfort. I'm so sorry. Do I need to rub your back? No, okay, oh, okay. I'm sorry.

Brendan 5:44

Um, what were we talking about? Death from afar. Yeah. I mean, so it's funny, right? Because like my I mean, I've had I think two close family members pass since I moved here. Um my uncle passed in 2021. Um, but he like so he had been sick, like he had cancer for a long time, like lung cancer, because he was like a heavy smoker. Yeah. Um, this is one of my my homosexuals. The the the New York, the gay, the gay New York uncle. Oh, oh wow. The one that used to be getting railed at the subway station in New York.

Vuyanzi 6:24

Oh my god. Well people have to talk about him by you know.

Brendan 6:27

All of this, you see, like like like uncle, like nephew, like so he had been sick for a long time. Um, you know, he went on like an experimental treatment, um, probably like around like not long after I graduated from college. So it was like maybe like 2010, 2011 was like when he got like well actually no, he got like he first got sick in like it had to have been like 203, 204. Uh so it was a so he was like real sick then, yeah. You know, he went through all the you know, like where they went in and removed part of it and they like did the chemo and the radiation and so somewhere around when I graduated from college then, so that would have been like 09, maybe like through like 2011, like the chemo had stopped working, you know, it was like where he was still getting chemo, but like the tumors were still growing. So at that point, they were like, Look, you know, we have this experimental treatment, you know, it's like one of the new ones, we can test you on it, and like it might give you like another year. So he went on one of those like the biologics, the one where it like activates your immune system to like fight against the cancer.

Vuyanzi 7:42

Okay, okay.

Brendan 7:44

And so he instead of one year, he got like 10. So he had been sick for a while, like especially when I realized that I was moving. So like in late 2019, I like went out of my way to go and visit several times, you know, for like a long time because he lived alone, he lived on Cape Cod, like the house that we had in the Cape was his house. Okay after it was my grandparents' house. Yeah. So you know, I would go for like a week or like a long weekend, blah blah blah. You know, he like it was the last like the last like maybe two weeks before I actually moved to Kenya. I'm so sorry.

Vuyanzi 8:22

It is I know my phone is on do not disturb. It is on do not disturb. That means it's um an emergency, so keep going.

Brendan 8:30

Um so you went to visit him? I went to visit him, like I went to visit him and my sister in New York, like right before I moved, you know. And so I moved. COVID happened like immediately. Um, you know, COVID happened four weeks after I got here. Wow. So, but like he was like the first person I went to visit, like as soon as like they lifted the international van. I think I went to see him in like October of 2020. Like flew over there to see him. Wow, okay, flew back to see him at Christmas, you know. So I had seen him like a bunch of times in like the couple of years beforehand. But it was the same thing where like, you know, I we were coming back from a trip to Samburu um because everything was still super cheap, like all the domestic travel, you know, because we had to bounce back from COVID yet. So we had like gone, so we're like in this house in Anuki, I got a call from my dad. You know, he he was found unresponsive. I'm here with him in the hospital because he had driven out to the cape. Um, like there was one point where like my dad like had FaceTimed me, and my dad put the phone there in the bed. And you know, he was unconscious, but I like talked to him anyway, yeah. I said what I needed to say, and then passed away. Um I did go for the funeral um because I felt like I had to. Um but you know, it's hard. Like, I mean, like, but then like my other uncle passed away 2024, I think it was. It was either 2024, yeah, I think it was 2024. Yeah, it was 2024. Because my parents were here visiting. And so none of us got to go to the funeral because they were here. You know, we had booked this whole trip to I think we were in Namibia, like all this.

Vuyanzi 10:22

Oh my god, and it happened during that time, yeah.

Brendan 10:26

And it was another like his was was also quite sudden. I mean, you know, he was older, of course, like you know, he was in his late 80s, but but still it wasn't it was one of those he fell down, broke a bone, and it was just clear at some point, like you're not gonna bounce back from this. Yeah. So that was, I mean, you know, I've I've been to see my auntie, I think, twice since then. But it was also hard going to see her, knowing that like I'm coming to see you now, but I wasn't here. Yeah, but I mean, you have to release that.

Vuyanzi 11:00

But I'm sure it's here. Did you feel like sorry, I just have to let the moment recording. Um, did you feel like you got support here though? Like, did you let anyone know what was going on in your life?

Brendan 11:11

Yeah, of course. I mean, that's not like I'm not that good at keeping things a secret. Do you want to check and see who it is?

Vuyanzi 11:17

No, I have to just tell her I'm recording because I we I don't want to stop anything. And I know she's supposed to be coming over my house. That's the thing. I just want to tell her I'm recording. These things happen. We just have to keep going uh recording.

Brendan 11:34

Okay, there we go. Um yeah, no, I did. I I mean, I'm not the type to like it's like I'm not gonna I'm not one of those people that's gonna like vomit my emotions and like make other people like feel my weight. Because you know, there are people like that, but I I'm not gonna like also like hide from you guys the fact that I'm going through the thing. Why would I?

Vuyanzi 12:02

But but now, okay, so that's interesting that you say that because you know, about feeling the weight. For me, I okay, I don't do that with everyone, but sometimes if someone says, Listen, tell me what is it, I'm like that's different.

Brendan 12:18

I I'm talking about the ones where it's like, you know, they're going through something and it's like every space that they're in, they're just they're like, Yeah, well, and they're like waiting for you to be like, what is it? So that they can share it for the 400th time today. But I want because they want to energy vampire all your energy out.

Vuyanzi 12:35

Well, usually when I do it, and I recognize even when I talk to someone about certain things, I will tell them, after I talk to you, you need to go bathe with some salt because I know how my energy is, and you may not feel good, yeah, but some of I tell people get your coffee scrub. Do you have your coffee scrub? Do you have your salt scrub? Mix them together, go and release everything that I just gave to you. Because I feel great. Thanks.

Brendan 13:02

Okay, so what's getting your attention in the news right now? Well, I mean, it's funny, right? Because you sent me that video of that I didn't fully watch. Yeah. Here it's gonna be a pre-work. I did the pre-work.

Vuyanzi 13:14

I said for next time. I didn't have the for next time.

Brendan 13:18

She knew we were doing three episodes, already. I didn't know. We have a new now from now on, I didn't have my opportunity to tell you properly prepare yourself.

Vuyanzi 13:29

Wait a minute. Stop don't kiss my hand. Get away from me.

Brendan 13:37

So it was funny, like, so I I mean, if you want, I think we can like deep dive on it like in another episode. But like it was funny that you sent me something that had to do with AI. Because like it, like, well, I don't know if you know this, but like two of my startups are AI-based startups. Oh, so no, I did not know this. A lot of times people like kind of find it funny, right? Because like for a long time I was very like two thumbs down AI, we're not doing this. You know, like I use it a bit now, like definitely not like as much as some other people that I because there's I mean, there's it's funny because all these articles keep coming out about like how people are becoming like dependent on AI. And I do have friends that literally like cannot like it'll suck your brain, like they can't produce something without no, it's it's difficult.

Vuyanzi 14:28

If you start using it, your brain leans on it. And I just want to back up a second because there was a reason why I sent it. So some of you may be like, why would she send him something and not read it? But the whole thing was is that there was a YouTube short video, and it came on, and it's the diary of a CEO. And the woman, I was not familiar with her, I feel like her name is May something, but she's talking about how it's almost like this rhetoric around AI is being um it is the the catalyst of it are all of these billion super billionaires, like super super wealthy people who are saying something, but it's like the spin that they're putting on it, it doesn't have to be like that. And they're setting us up to really fail in an AI world. So that caught my interest, and I did send it to Brendan.

Brendan 15:16

I mean, but but the thing is like it's it's it's exploitation on multiple levels, right? Because on the one hand, like you look at something like Waymo, you know, that's like the driverless cars and the US. Yes, yes. And so basically, you're eliminating like a US-based wage when you do that. But then hidden behind it is the fact that there are people in the Philippines that are actually monitoring all of those cars in real time. So it's not really driverless because there's someone that is there watching it, yeah, and they have to fix it when it does the wrong thing, like when they do a lot of wrong the wrong way or drive over a blah blah blah. Oh, yeah, yeah. And so, but the thing is, those people in the Philippines are being paid like a dollar an hour to do what would at least in the I mean the US still wouldn't be a good wage, but like somebody would be making ten dollars an hour to do that. So it's like not only are you like eliminating jobs within like the like the the western markets, but you're replacing it with exploitation in other markets that primarily targets black and brown markets, yes, and then they're increasing what their revenue margin, their profit margin. So because you're gonna charge people the same amount to drive to ride in a Waymo as they would pay to ride in an Uber. Isn't that something? Isn't that something? So I But people don't think about that. They just order the thing.

Vuyanzi 16:46

But are people really ordering Waymo? Because it's scary. I've seen clips of what that thing can be capable of, like running over a curb or going the wrong way.

Brendan 16:56

The thing is, people will book it, like it's the same, like I mean, all of it kind of feeds into each other, right? Because between that and social media, like, which is ironic because we're like posting this on a social media platform, but like like people are increasingly also like distancing themselves from each other, right? Yeah, and so there are people that will book the Waymo because they don't even want to be subjected to like the human interaction of themselves and the Uber driver, which to me as somebody who I mean I'm like an ambivert, so I do switch back and forth and I can be introverted sometimes, yeah, but that's insane.

Vuyanzi 17:30

Like, yeah, but but but let's go back for a second because um my I remember seeing this article when my daughter was in college, so it may have been a little maybe a little bit out of college for you because she's just a few years younger, but they were it was at that time they were already starting to see there was a change in how millennials related in-person versus online things. Yeah. They were saying, like, these people are having trouble talking to people in the workplace, they can send emails.

Brendan 18:03

I just saw I just saw a thing that was about how like it's not Gen Z men, like almost two-thirds of them struggle to talk about sex with their peers. Like, like Gen Zs are struggling to talk about sex, like it's why it's like it's like Gen Z men, you know, like like that kind of locker room banter, like like the kind of banter that we have on the show. Like they can't do it. Why not? That's so weird. They don't know how to talk about it.

Vuyanzi 18:33

Oh my gosh, they should watch this show, man. Can you imagine? They should watch Kisses from Kenya.

Brendan 18:38

We'll go to you right now. Also slide of the DM.

Vuyanzi 18:47

Like it is that was a 40 and slip.

Brendan 18:56

Um, so it was a dated one, dear, because that's what it's from the 80s. John Cougar Mellon Camp. Come on, baby.

Vuyanzi 19:04

That's not. No, that's not John Cougar Mellon Camp.

Brendan 19:10

That's that was Cheryl Crow.

Vuyanzi 19:12

No, that was Cheryl Crow.

Brendan 19:13

Life is a highway is definitely not Cheryl Crow. I have enough of an elder to know that it was John Cougar Mellon Camp.

Vuyanzi 19:23

John Cougar. What was that song he used to sing? Like, uh, uh, mm-mm, uh-uh. What was that song at the end when he would play his um oh god, he would play his guitar and then he'd type me. It it is, it is and he is.

Brendan 19:37

It must be, I'm 99% sure it's John Cougar Mellencamp. If it's not John Cougar Mellencamp, it's Bon Jovi. And if it's not Bon Jovi, it's like Rascal Flatts or something. No, it's from the 80s. Stop. There was a remake version that came out more recently, but the original Life is a Highway was definitely my cheeks are hurting so bad from smiling so hard.

Vuyanzi 20:01

And but the replacement of John, but in the end, again, I wonder, are we blind to what is going on? Because this lady really, I do I will go back and watch the diary of a CEO because the weird. Yeah, like what is happening? Are we just are we complacent in this revolution?

Brendan 20:25

People at the end of the day, like unfortunately, especially I won't even just say Western people, people in general, I think, are driven by, at least in the current world, like a desire for comfort. I want things to be easy, I want them to be convenient, I wanted them to be comfortable. And if that means that I'm literally gonna like cook myself in the process, like I don't care.

Vuyanzi 20:49

But it's so funny because there was a time that that wasn't that that has been taught to us. Of course. That kind of culture didn't exist. It's the microwave, what do we call it? The what microwave culture where you want comfort, you want fast, you want it convenient, and all these types of things. So very interesting.

Brendan 21:06

I think, I think, I mean, think about it, right? And again, it's ironic because of the platforms that we're like running this on, but like most of it's because like all of all of these things that we're thinking about, social media, like these other platforms, like all of them run on ad revenue, you know, or like that's how they boost their yeah, their earnings. Yeah, it's still the same, it's the same model. I'm gonna hook you to it so you keep coming back because I need you to see these ads. You haven't noticed how on like Instagram now these days, it's like sometimes you get double, it's like two ads in a row when you're just putting through going through people's stories.

Vuyanzi 21:45

Yeah, because I get confused because I'm like, wait, I don't know. Who's that? What is that? And and and it's interesting because if those people who don't know, like Kenya is like the technology hub of East Africa. Also, tell me this really. Me, this was chat chat GBT originated in Kenya? That's what I heard. That Kenyans created it. I don't know. I feel like okay, can we let you know?

Brendan 22:09

I do know for a fact that there have been multiple scandals related to AI because people in Kenya are the ones who have to review all those conversations.

Vuyanzi 22:18

Yeah, and then they were going to be able to do that.

Brendan 22:19

And then they get paid like a dollar an hour.

Vuyanzi 22:21

Like, yeah, like even much lower than like a low rate already.

Brendan 22:26

Well, there's there's a company in California that is the one that contracts it out. They get paid like $12 an hour by OpenAI and by the other companies because they also do the meta classes. So they're charging like $12, $13 an hour for the like review, but then only a dollar or two goes to the actual reviewers here. They eat the rest in California.

Vuyanzi 22:51

And California is eating. We know that for a fact. Absolutely.

Brendan 22:56

Talk a lot about that.

Vuyanzi 22:57

We can, and I think, and I think maybe in future conversations, it's like, okay, so we know we'll we can talk more about how they're using it for not good reasons, but how can we start to use it for good reasons that can you know that's what my startups are about. Really? So one day you'll talk about those fully on the show. Okay, that would be awesome. Because we can get caught up in the the oh my gosh, oh my gosh, and then forget that there still is humanity that's there. What can we do to really build up and um change the economy without depending on the West? I'm gonna go ahead and say it without depending on the West for that shit, because that's a problem in the first place, which we can get into at another time. But our favorite, your favorite am I trying to think uh something like that. You don't want to go first.

Brendan 23:45

I have one that's related actually. So I've been getting back into writing. Oh. Um, so I have hopefully by the time this comes out, this will already be a thing. But um, so I have a um essay, like a column that I wrote about like our tech dependence that I submitted to a blog called Africa is a country that like publishes opinions and and they have w written back to me and said that they would like to work with me. Woo! Yes, I that's awesome.

Vuyanzi 24:22

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Brendan 24:23

And then I also have two horror short stories that I have written and submitted to competitive publications in the last couple of actually the last week. What the are both one is about AI and one is about social media.

Vuyanzi 24:38

What? I can't wait. I'm excited for you. Okay, and also, by the way, Brendan told me that he has written poetry. So if you want to hear one of his poems on air, you need to comment immediately. Brendan, we want to hear one of your poems. You need to comment.

Brendan 24:57

We're gonna have to give it like explicit content warnings because they're mostly about me getting my cheeks clapped.

Vuyanzi 25:03

I love it! Oh, then and and especially if those if you guys enough of you say it, he'll do it, and then maybe that's when we invite the Gen Z men.

Brendan 25:14

How is that? Oh my god, speaking of which sorry, I said a name. Okay, I don't know which one it is. Oh, okay. There might be a few.

Vuyanzi 25:25

And he's trying to reach you.

Brendan 25:27

Yeah, you cut through my head, do not disturb.

Vuyanzi 25:31

This is seeing you were talking about me. I told you.

Brendan 25:33

That'll be queer joy for another day.

Vuyanzi 25:36

Sorry about that one. That's in creation. That's a queer joy being. Okay, black joy. Um, I discovered this about myself, and I'll just make it joyful because I'm black. It's yeah, sometimes we do that. We can totally do that. So um I of um a friend's cousin the other time, the other week I saw her, she's like, I know who's good for you. So she she says, Do you think he's cute? She shows me a picture of a guy, and um, and I was like, Okay, she's and then she sent me my number. No, no, I thought he was very cute.

Brendan 26:15

Her response was okay.

Vuyanzi 26:17

No, but I was just trying to go quickly with the story. I was like, no, he's cute. Totally, he's cute. You can give him my number. That's how it went down. So she sent him my number, vice versa. But of course, he has to call me first. We've been talking every day, but here's the thing: I don't know that it'll go beyond friendship. Don't say anything about that because I know you want to talk. Don't say anything. I don't know that it's going to go beyond friendship. However, what I realize is what turns me on so much is a man who talks like business. We've been talking business things, you know, fun stuff, but business things. And even another guy who's a friend of mine that's been in my life for a bit, for a few months right now, and when he talks business to me, it's a big turn on, too.

Brendan 27:03

So is that I can't tell if you're about to get wrapped up in a pyramid scheme or have a threesome, which is a pyramid of its own. So all I'm saying is Is your bank account gonna get pyramid schemed or are you gonna get Eiffel Tower? That's the question.

Vuyanzi 27:22

It's not gonna be a threesome. I'm not, it's not about sex. I think I'm a sapiosexual.

Brendan 27:29

That would imply that it's about sex. The second part of that we don't get sexual. No, but that means that means we're gonna get wet, but then that means that we're gonna fuck afterwards. It's not gonna be wet for me, it's not just for you to wash your panties afterwards.

Vuyanzi 27:46

It just means I'm a crazy. No, I'm trying to.

Brendan 27:53

Did it dry up? No, I need to get you some supplements. You know, Rita has some supplements that we could play.

Vuyanzi 28:00

No, it's just that I want to settle down. So I need to get I need to make space in my heart and and my space for the guy. Because now I want a partner. I want a partner. I want him to be sitting right here laughing with us. I want him to be like, babe, it was.

Brendan 28:21

If you're trying to invite people to my house, babe, it was a great house. They definitely not sit in here listening. Oh my god, absolutely not. Why do you want to be in an Icantina Turner situation?

Vuyanzi 28:38

I don't want to be abused. I don't want to be able to do it.

Brendan 28:41

He won't trust you to be in my house alone, the white opera.

Vuyanzi 28:46

No, I want him with me. Uh I've spent all these decades by myself. He can come here and watch the show. Gosh, that's my joy. That's my black joy. Damn it.

Brendan 29:03

Anyway. Uh we'll see if this comes true or not. Anyway, this is best.

Vuyanzi 29:11

I'm manifesting it.

Brendan 29:13

This has been Kisses from King Now.

Vuyanzi 29:16

Bye guys. See you later. Later, later, later, later, later. Oh my gosh.