OYK 1: Eiffel Tower'd by HudCon Content

Cam, Kayla, and Moon discuss what has them on their knees.

This week, we talk fandoms, hear me outs, why it's important to take vibrators and cake to a deserted island, and more.

Send your unhinged questions to our Google Form (found on our Instagram: @onyourkneespod) to potentially get featured in our next episode!

Thanks for listening xoxo

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Is that a Colkin brother on your shirt? No, no, no, no. It's uh ginger snaps.

SPEAKER_03 0:08

I love that movie so much.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Smash Smash Smash movie sapphic sisters.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

Yeah. The Colkin brothers are weirdly sapphic sisters as well.

SPEAKER_03 0:21

They are hello friends and enemies.

SPEAKER_04 0:36

Welcome to On Your Knees, a queer comedy podcast where we answer your unhinged questions. I'm Cam Hunter. I'm Kayla.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

And I'm Mooney.

SPEAKER_04 0:47

We're doing it. We're doing it!

SPEAKER_03 0:49

We're doing it!

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Episode one. Did did you guys say let's do a podcast literally the day you asked me to be a mod? Oh no. Did we? You were like, your friend now?

SPEAKER_03 1:04

Your friend? Go into go into business together. Day one. Business? Start business venture? We're were you hauling a podcast?

SPEAKER_04 1:20

Emphasis on queer comedy.

unknown 1:24

Queer.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Queer. I feel like you both just pointed directly at me.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Alright, alright, alright. Okay. So we're gonna basically we're gonna like do this thing where we like talk and we're talking at nobody right now, but if you listen, thank you. Right? That's great. We're talking to each other.

SPEAKER_04 1:50

If you're not listening, huff my fucking nuts.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

Huff my nuts, actually. And also, thank you if you are, and you're very cute and special to me in my heart and my brain. What has you on your knees, baby? Tell me. It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_04 2:08

What has me on my knees this week? Um, probably just my day today.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 2:14

This whole day. I've we've had weeks to prepare, and today is when I decided I'll set up everything that we need. So I'm more on my knees in like a oh god.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Desperation. Desperation. I'm hearing. Okay.

unknown 2:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 2:36

Yeah. Just kind of like, I did it. Did I? I don't know. I'm still on my knees.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

You did something.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

So that's when I'm down here. I might as well pick up a little. There's probably some trash around or something while I'm down here. You know, there's a lot of trash around.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Down here on my knees picking up trash. Um, I'm on my knees for the new Noah Con album is really fucking good. Is it?

SPEAKER_03 3:03

I've never heard a single song.

SPEAKER_04 3:07

You ever had a stick season?

SPEAKER_03 3:09

I have no idea. But I did see somebody on threads say, if you have sister problems, don't listen to this or listen with caution. And I do have sister problems. So that's valid. It'll make me sad.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

I need you, I need you to at least listen to the great divide with Ilya in mind.

SPEAKER_03 3:28

Oh, okay. So just okay.

unknown 3:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

I do love a song that'll make me think of gay gay name.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

So yeah, yeah. It's more like, oh, Ilya's sad.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

Ilya Rosenov? Sad? No. No. Whatever.

unknown 3:48

No.

SPEAKER_04 3:50

He's fine.

SPEAKER_03 3:50

Happiest bitch in the NHL. Honestly. I mean. He has nothing to be sad about. He should get over it. Um mean and awful of me. Well. I want you to get over your trauma. Yeah, actually. Just turn it off. Just stop being depressed. What's wrong with you? Have you tried yoga?

SPEAKER_04 4:10

Have you? You just saying that just worked on me. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

You ascend. The depression just leaving your body.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

The light comes from your chest.

SPEAKER_02 4:23

Why would I try that sooner? Oh my god. Why didn't I do that before?

unknown 4:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

Well, this week. I'm on my knees begging for fucking mercy, baby. Let me tell you what. I don't know. I don't know if it's just like the like this like wild delusion that I I should add to my shit, you know? Cause like school, work, homework, from school, and then this fucking fandom is consuming me. These three things are consuming me. And I was like, you know what I should do? Start a podcast with friends.

SPEAKER_02 5:06

That's a great idea. Hey, I need a hobby. I have the time. I have one hour free a week. I should fill it with the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 5:18

Well, and you know what? This week in particular is kind of my fault because we had all agreed on like recording for the first time, I think May 1st. And then my ass, when I made the Instagram, was like coming April 27th. And I was like, um guys. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_03 5:37

Um, um, this month has flown by, and I don't mean to sound like a fucking boomer, but like the time is passing, it's just going, and it's just like the years, oh lord, you know, they just got so fast, you know.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Like my grandma always told me the older you get, the faster time goes, and I was like, it's bullshit until now I'm 34 and I don't remember last year.

SPEAKER_04 6:06

I'm gonna do some fact checking because how long have we been playing? On the 17th, I okay, so here's here's something. On March 16th, in my brain, because this was before I got to really know you, Kayla. I was specifically like, damn, Moon would be so fun to make a podcast with. Literally March 16th. On March 17th, Moon says, What if we started a podcast? Stop! And I was just like, Brother. Oh, yeah, and then our umbilical because yeah, our umbilical cord was vibrating and we liked it, and we'll have to go over that lore sometime. So no, you know what?

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Fuck them. But that was very early on.

SPEAKER_04 6:52

That was very early on in like um when I joined like a group chat with both of y'all, and you sent it in the group chat, and I was like, even better. Because I was like, with Kayla too, because we be there.

SPEAKER_03 7:09

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:11

So since I March since March 17th, we've basically been planning all month, and then actually one thing.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 7:25

Okay, but also three neurodivergent people and follow-through? Can we just like get that on record? Follow through? Hold on.

SPEAKER_04 7:36

Three gender questionable people. Questionable and not yes, that's a scientific term, and a fancy queer, just queer.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

That was umbrella term queer.

SPEAKER_04 7:58

Three dumb queers step into a discord.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

You set the trap and leave with the podcast. You set the fucking trap. You were like, you know what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna make a Discord, and I'm gonna hope all the hottest queers around fall into it. I am going to make a Discord so gay.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

You ain't never seen a Discord so fucking gay in your life. We did manage to get a lot of hot people in one place though, and I don't like that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 8:33

Everybody's so cool. And baby and gay, I'm like a yeah, like, and don't get me wrong, if there is a straight man in there, respect because sure we'd be saying all the stuff that would like you know, not cater to them because that's not the place for that. And yeah, and like second, like I don't think there is one straight cis man.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

And if there is, they're lurking and they're too afraid to say anything, which I'm gonna do. I like it. All right, that's how I like it. I want you to be a little bit afraid to speak to me.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

I want you to be a lot afraid to speak to me actually. Turn up the fear, turn dial it up a little. Be scared.

SPEAKER_04 9:34

I see you're not spooked.

SPEAKER_03 9:36

Can you turn it up to fearful? I see that you're fearless in my presence. This is not okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Let me see what I can do about that.

SPEAKER_04 9:46

I see that you're not scared. Did you know that I have a gun?

SPEAKER_03 9:52

Nothing scarier than a queer with a gun. Real. Oh yeah. Oh my gosh. Listen, okay, so to wrap up my on your knees, I'm on my knees because what a week it's been, homework-wise for me. I'm looking at my little notes. Don't mind me looking off camera. Um, good grade on my rough draft, but hardly any criticism, hardly any critiques. He was like, this is a really good job, you did a really good job. Mostly citation bullshit. Uh um, usually. And then listen, Wednesday, we were absolutely Eiffel Towered by HUDCOM content. Hello. Sandwiched. Ugh, that was a lot. And then two recording sessions with you guys. Let all the wiggles out. It's been great. I've been just I've been begging for mercy, and I'm down here kind of. What else can we do? Sorry. I hated that. No, I love that. I loved it. I'll never get over Wednesday. That was a lot. And so it was a lot.

SPEAKER_04 11:12

I was too busy. I was so sad. People were like sending me stuff, and I'm like, I'm trying. I'm trying to crash out. I don't have the energy.

SPEAKER_03 11:21

It's hard to focus. I'd be looking at my phone while driving. What is wrong with me? I'm like, and I'm like my child. I I'm in a school zone.

SPEAKER_04 11:42

Going sixty-nine in a school zone. No, don't say that. Sixty-nine.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_03 11:58

He's so funny. Oh my god. Incredible.

SPEAKER_04 12:03

Well, okay, so today we said we answer and we said we answer unhinged questions. Yeah, yeah. Uh today we're asking each other questions, and that can mean like the question itself can be unhinged, or you expect an unhinged answer out of us. So we're just asking each other questions because that's how we're gonna introduce ourselves, as if they don't already get our whole fucking vibe from the loud yelling and the screaming.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

So the vibe is weird, and you know, oh well, I can't stop wiggling. So here I am, wiggling.

SPEAKER_04 12:39

Welcome to STEM cast where we sit down and wiggle. Okay, well, um, whoever wants to go first, throw throw one out. Moon, you wanna go?

SPEAKER_03 12:52

I'm just gonna go for it. Um, and I'm gonna ask, would you rather debate Joe Rogan on the male loneliness epidemic? The made up one, or Brennan Lee Mulligan on a subject you know nothing about.

SPEAKER_04 13:17

Uh, Brennan Lee Mulligan.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Absolutely. I think that's an easy answer for me. One, Joe Rogan would piss me off so bad it would make me cry. But Brennan Lee Mulligan would I would just learn something. And that would be so pleasant.

SPEAKER_04 13:35

I like the idea of pissing off Brennan Lee Mulligan so much it makes him cry, so that's why it's my answer. Okay, I like that. My favorite Brennan moments are when he fucking crashes out about something. Yeah, it's true. That's what would happen. I have to see that with my own eyes. Done by my own hand.

SPEAKER_03 13:55

Yeah, I mean, and that's valid, and both points are valid, and I think I would choose to argue with Joe Rogan because, yeah, pardon me, because A, I would just hurt his feelings and embarrass him and just roast him for an hour. And really, there would be no debate. I would just make him feel like shit. Um, Brennan Lee Mulligan would talk at me and I'd go blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Whatever you say, and then I would be so scared of Izzy beating the shit out of me for going, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

I can do that one. Cool. What do you got? What do you got? I want I want to know what is the first, like in your life, what was the first hear me out character you ever had a crush on?

SPEAKER_04 14:45

Ooh, that is immediately my answer was so immediate because it's still in my brain forever. Are you ready? This is uh hear me out, and I was a child, so this is fine. Sheen from Jimmy Neutron.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

I wanted him so bad.

SPEAKER_03 15:16

You know what? Okay, so I have two that come to mind, okay? Okay, uh I was also a child, so this is okay. I was a child, okay. I had a crush on Warwick Davis in Willow because he was so cute. He was so oh, he was so cute, and I was a kid, and I was just like, Willow! And I'm still a Willow fan, I have a Willow tattoo. And then uh I can't remember the name of the character, so that probably makes me a poser, but uh Tim Curry's character in uh Ferngully. Oh yeah, he's like toxic waste smoke or whatever. I cannot think of his name. I cannot, and I and if if one person is listening, they're yelling right now what the fucking name is. I can't remember. But oh my god. Why you make toxic waste smoke look so good? Tim Curry looks fuck good.

SPEAKER_01 16:21

Oh yeah, Kayla, what's yours? I actually I I also have two. Um, yeah, Billy Butcherson from Hocus Pocus, the zombie, which I think is actually pretty common for people. The zombie. Okay, yeah, yeah. And then another dead man, um, Benny, the cab driver from Halloween Town.

SPEAKER_04 16:44

Okay, so you have a I don't know what it was about him.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

He was just bones, but he was just bones.

SPEAKER_04 16:53

Hey, skinny. Well, hey, mine's more tame. I just have a I just want to know this because I'm a slut. And because this you can choose not to answer it, but I'm asking because I think I'm probably okay. I'm I'm probably the most sexually active from the past year or however long. I want to know when was the last time y'all had an orgasm.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

Oh uh not long ago. Like a couple days ago, probably.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

I've been reading a lot of smut, dude.

SPEAKER_03 17:34

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I said nothing's off limits, and now I'm all embarrassed. My partner's gonna listen to this and be like. Uh when I listen to Ember and Ice That second episode, brother.

SPEAKER_04 17:57

Yeah, yeah. Um, the last time for me was right now last time for me was six seconds ago.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

The wildest O face I've ever seen. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 18:25

Just you going like a constipated baby. They're like, wow, do that aga do that again. Do that again. Okay, I'll I'm just gonna ask another one. What was your first fandom?

SPEAKER_01 18:48

I think the first thing that I was really like fanatical about was bandom, and it started with Good Charlotte.

SPEAKER_04 18:57

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

But that was before I had regular access to the internet. But like I was on it was in my own little one-person fandom by myself, like writing fan fake in my own head.

SPEAKER_03 19:09

But that's when like your obsession, like you were like, I can't believe it.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

The first time I remember being obsessed. Yeah, okay. Falling asleep to like dream, like like making up scenarios in my head where they like want to marry me. Oh, it was specifically Benji and Joel together because I didn't understand that one, they're brothers, two, um, bigamy is illegal.

SPEAKER_04 19:38

Um not on this podcast, baby. No, it's not.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

Uh, but I fully 100% believed like if I met them in person, they would both fall in love with me. I'm 12. I don't understand how not okay that is. Um yeah, but like every single night I was falling asleep to this fantasy.

SPEAKER_04 20:04

Hell yeah. Mine was um stupid ass Harry Potter. But yeah, I was the same way. I was writing not fanfic in my head, fanfic on my desktop desktop computer that did not have internet access. I was full on writing Dramini, like, yes.

SPEAKER_03 20:23

So I would say I I first started like fangirling at probably like I want to say like age eight with Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Christina Ricci. Yeah. Those two I was like, you know, year 1995, eight years old, and I was like, why do I like both of them? Christina Ricci and Jonathan Taylor Thomas, like a lot. What does that mean?

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Maybe I just want to be Christina Ricci.

SPEAKER_03 20:49

Yeah, maybe I just want to be your friend. Yeah, yeah. For sure. Um and that, and then you know, Hanson, handsome, oh my god. And that sh that was a bisexual dog whistle too, because I was like, what do you mean these boys look like girls? I like their long hair, they're so friendly. What do you mean they're pretty? Boys can be pretty. Yeah, like 10-year-old me, like, ugh, yeah, yeah. Um, and so, you know, it just kind of, you know, bands and it, etc. as well. But then my my first online real like part of a group fandom was our flag means death. Because I was like, oh, gay. Pirates? Gay? Oh, and they're old men? Great! Sign me up.

SPEAKER_04 21:41

Sick! Guys, y'all, guess what? What heated rivalry is my first ever like online fandom where I really deep, deep in.

SPEAKER_03 21:51

You're doing great.

SPEAKER_04 21:53

Let.

SPEAKER_03 21:54

Yeah. You're doing great.

SPEAKER_04 21:57

I've kind of like watched from the sidelines, like with Harry Potter. When I was younger, I had neo pets, and there was like guilds and like boards where you talked about it. But like that was so like not like whatever. But yeah, this is my first, like in it.

SPEAKER_03 22:11

It's fun, right? It's fun. It is fun. It's so fun. And the fact that this is your first and you were and you were truly it's a prison, but hey, we're here together.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

That's the word I'm looking for. This is a very basic question, but I think that you could give me some pretty unhinged answers. And I want to know what three things you would take with you to a deserted island. Don't worry about food or anything necessary. What do you need as a person?

SPEAKER_04 22:47

Okay, so not my inhaler, like just assume that's always there with me. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

Okay. What do I need as a person? This is a good one. As an example, a vibrator.

unknown 23:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Uh my e-reader. I'm not worried about um power. I'll take uh there's there's uh solar powered generator.

SPEAKER_04 23:10

Yeah, all these things never die. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:14

Okay. I would take probably a nuclear quartz.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Yeah. Hit me with my selenite stick.

SPEAKER_04 23:31

Literally. Um damn, what the fuck else would I take? Whenever it's not necessities, I'm like, damn, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

Right?

SPEAKER_04 23:44

I mean, I guess, yeah, okay, so like some quartz, bone arrow that counts as one.

SPEAKER_03 23:51

Oh, bone arrow. The arrow is the quartz. It's on the end. Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:59

I'll kill you and heal you at the same time. Yeah. And also this t-shirt, my Rouse Dower t-shirt. Actually, no, my Pennywise t-shirt, because that's actually my comfy t-shirt. And it would never rip. And it would never rip. Yeah. And I'm gonna use Kayla's vibrator.

SPEAKER_03 24:23

Just rinse it off with salt water. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. You might get a UTI, maybe. Maybe, but like it's a risk worth taking. Yeah, just we don't need food.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

We'll have cranberry juice. It's fine. All the necessities are there. So, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got antibacterial soap. Not even a worry.

SPEAKER_04 24:46

See? All the ASO you could need.

unknown 24:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

I would bring the fridge stocked with cranberry juice.

SPEAKER_03 24:55

God. And you know what? I want to go there, go to there now. Can we just go to there now? Yeah, let's go. Let's go. Um, I would um bring the game changer series because I can't stop reading it. I can't stop reading it, even though and and Rachel had Rachel Reed has admitted this herself, but the first three, not great. They're not as good as the last three, but I need all of them. I need the context. I need all of that game. I need all of them. I'm actually rereading, re-reading, um heated rivalry again. For the this is the fourth time because I just I'm so heated rivalry! Ah! Okay, so I'd probably bring that. Uh I would bring Neptune because they don't have a choice. Can't live without yeah, yeah. Can't live without uh them.

SPEAKER_04 26:01

Um, and I would bring uh my cat cake. What what are your actual ones, Kayla?

SPEAKER_01 26:10

Mine? No, I wasn't joking. Vibrator, uh e-reader. Um, and I probably also moon said cake regarding the cat, I would take actual cake with me. I just remember also that I have lemon cake, lemon cake in the fridge. But there's food there already, remember? There's food there, but cake isn't necessarily a necessity.

SPEAKER_04 26:38

Right. There's like trees with fruits, but yeah, like a never-ending lemon cake. Please bring that.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

Oh my god, with poppy seeds.

SPEAKER_02 26:49

Get fucked, brother. Oh my god, fucked with the lemon cake, brother. Stupid.

SPEAKER_03 26:57

This has been so fun. Um I hope, I hope that we have one to three listeners. And if we don't, that's fine. We're funny.

SPEAKER_04 27:09

We're the one to three listeners. We are the one to three listeners.

SPEAKER_03 27:12

Listen, we're already hitting the goals, baby.

SPEAKER_01 27:16

Cammy said that she was excited to listen, so that's at least one one too. I love that.

SPEAKER_03 27:22

I do have a couple of friends. I actually had a friend text me. Oh, what a baby angel. Happy, uh, happy first podcast episode recording tonight. I said, that's really cute. You remember that sounds like that. There's nothing better than a supportive friend. Like, I know truly. Oh, another white person with a podcast cringe times 10. But like a supportive friend of it, like, God. Yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 27:52

So that's literally why I brought up like, can we do it on the 27th? Because one of my friends texted me to be like, I can't wait till the 27th. And I was like, huh.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

See, that is just great. So listen, thank you to everyone who listened to this first episode. If you want to see clips, if you want to know where to find us, just go to our link tree um on the on your knees podcast Instagram. We have a link tree there, and all where you can find us, our personal uh social medias and anything for the on your knees uh is all there. Yay! This has been so fun, you guys.

SPEAKER_04 28:31

Yes, everything so far is just under on your knees pod. One word on your knees pod. Yep. Um, I want to thank my friend uh G Wiz for making our intro song. She's a music producer and a DJ, and you can find more of her stuff on GWiz of the stars.com, which is G W-I-Z-ofthears.com. Um, she's so fucking cool. We used to be in a band together. She played bass for our band, and I was the one. I love her already. Um just obsessed with her. So she's so fucking cool.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

Um, thank you again to everyone who's listened. Um, we're excited to do more for you. Uh, we'll be back next Monday. Um, you can find everywhere we are streaming on our Buzz Sprout and also on our Link Tree on our Instagram.

SPEAKER_04 29:21

Yeah. And uh I guess a couple more things. Um, we're gonna be back next Monday, but then we're gonna be back sooner than that. We are doing not a live like showing. We're not gonna be live, but we're gonna do a live reaction of us watching the Met Gala, and we're gonna um watch people higher class than us and make fun of them because that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:45

I love dunking on rich people.

SPEAKER_03 29:48

It's the right way to be classist, baby. It's us versus them. Honestly.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

I want to dunk on rich people, and I also want to look at pretty things because that is the dichotomy of man and woman and non-binary folks.

SPEAKER_04 30:02

Oh, yeah. I say I'm gonna be like making fun, but also people are gonna walk up and I'm gonna be like, she's so hot.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

It's gonna, you know, like when you're watching the Olympics and you're like, they didn't even do that backflip 360 to any good, and you're like eating potato chips on your couch.

SPEAKER_04 30:20

It's gonna be that gonna be covered in sour cream, like she could have done better with her makeup.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

Literally, like, okay face face not be. You know what?

SPEAKER_04 30:34

And it's not the funnest man you've ever seen.