OYK 5: Cronenberg Blunt Rotation

Kayla, Kirstie, and Moony discuss what has them on their knees.

This week, we talk dream blunt rotations, funerals for furries, and how we're literal, actual doctors.

Send your unhinged questions to our email (onyourkneespod@gmail.com) or Google Form (Linktree: @onyourkneespod) for a chance to get an answer from these lil freaks.

Thanks for listening xoxo

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:00

Open.

SPEAKER_06 0:02

What was that? Hmm. I came. Oh, me? I'm coming.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

I have to get my cums out before we start around. 10 minute mark.

SPEAKER_05 0:14

Get all the squeeze all your cums out before we press play.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

That hurt. That hurt my ovary. Careful. Your cum's coming straight out of your ovaries. Straight from the source. That's where the litter is stored. Your pee stored in the balls, cums stored in the ovaries.

SPEAKER_05 0:39

Is that that's science? Hey, listen, we are doctors.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

And we're doctors. So a lot of people on the piss hole video were like, um, it's called a ureter. And I was like, listen to the fucking don't ever fucking correct anyone ever.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

If you guys listened, you'd know that I said that.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Um, the tube is called a ureter. Um, and the hole is actually called a urethra. Okay, piss nerd.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

I am a doctor and I didn't know that. I specifically studied pisshole, so don't ever correct me ever again.

SPEAKER_05 1:20

I'm a urethologist, and I didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

PhD stands for pisshole doctor.

SPEAKER_08 1:42

What's up, gadgets and gizmos? Welcome to On Your Knees, a queer comedy podcast where we answer your unhinged questions. I'm Kayla. I'm Mooney.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

And I'm Kirsty McInally, PhD. Yes.

unknown 2:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

Now can I tell you all my story? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. This is a la my bangs blowing back a moment ago. I was on a teeny little road trip with a couple of friends. No, four friends. And we, I had to go to the bathroom so bad. I had to poop so bad. Oh, that's the worst. I stopped at a gas station, and it it happened to be really windy outside, but I, you know, wasn't caring about my hair. So I went to the bathroom, came out, my friends saw me, and my bang were still like they were just like, they were just like, you shit so hard and blew your bangs. And then we came up to that. There's just this whole fucking scenario of Bucky's giving out prizes for the day's biggest poop.

SPEAKER_05 3:10

And you know a Bucky's bathroom has seen some shiteral shit.

SPEAKER_08 3:14

Literal shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

But that's a one. So congratulations to me.

SPEAKER_05 3:22

Damn, do you get all of my accomplishments? A little Bucky the Beaver trophy.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

And he's born like a give you just like holding his little bunch. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 3:33

Tryable.

SPEAKER_06 3:34

Keep it in. Doesn't want to mess up his bangs. Well, he doesn't have any pants on, so he he's winning the pooing and fucking Scrooge McDucking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 3:46

I'm pretty sure he doesn't have pants on. I thought we don't have buckies here, so I couldn't tell it.

SPEAKER_04 3:51

Doesn't he have like a little t-shirt and no pants? Does he have a binder on? Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 3:56

Trans bucky. Trans Bucky. Trans Mac Bucky. Hell yeah! That's the gay agenda. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

My Bucky's is trans. That's right. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

I won't have him anyway. No, but does he have pants? We'll never know. Nobody will ever know.

SPEAKER_08 4:23

We can't look it up.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

Why? Internet's down. What? Internet's broken.

SPEAKER_08 4:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 4:32

Mom's on the phone. Wait, no. I said, does Bucky wear pants? I typed in, does Bucky wear pants? And it says yes. Bucky's employees are required to wear pants. Not when they're competing for the AI overview, yeah. It's the co- yeah, it's co-pilot. Fucking trash. Oh my god. Okay. Anyways, I guess we'll never know.

SPEAKER_02 4:59

Kaylee, you have to ask us a question. Oh.

SPEAKER_08 5:06

This week.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

Just today.

SPEAKER_08 5:08

Not this week.

SPEAKER_02 5:11

Just right now. Right now?

SPEAKER_08 5:13

Just right this second. Why are you on your knees right now?

SPEAKER_05 5:18

Um man, I don't know. I've been trying to think about it all week, and I just it's like I don't want to like say the same shit every week. I just need things to stop. Oh no. You know what? I'm begging. I'm begging for more. I need more. I need more um hours at work. Oh, yeah. We just have a low census right now, so I just don't have I uh for people that are listening and don't know. I wash grandmas and grandpas for a living. I'm a hospice CNA. I work for hospice, so if I don't have a granny to wash, I don't have a job or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

Granny to get in the comments.

SPEAKER_05 6:07

Hire my friend. It's the silliest way to describe it because it could be sad otherwise. So yeah. No.

SPEAKER_07 6:16

No! Hospice sad?

SPEAKER_05 6:18

No. No. One of my favorite podcasters calls it Host Spice. So I work for Hospice.

SPEAKER_02 6:26

I work for Hospice. Um I know. Technically. Yeah, the little one.

SPEAKER_08 6:34

The little one?

SPEAKER_02 6:36

Oh no. Let's go on to what I have to say. Um yeah, what do you have to say? Yeah, what do you have to say for yourself? I'm on my knees because today just this just came across my desk. Um I shared it in the Discord, but there is a country music singer that I'm obsessed with starting a few hours ago named Brenda K. It's Brenda K Music on Instagram. Please look her up. She's an LGBTQIA ally. She's sassy, and she has a lot of confidence. She does very proud of her.

SPEAKER_05 7:18

And you know what? I just love that she takes every single comment very seriously, and she's like, not my fucking comments, and let's have it.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

Oh yeah. She dishes it the fuck out. I love her. Thanks, Brenda. Big fan. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_08 7:35

Well, I'm on my knees this week, and kind of like all for the last decade. Because dating as an adult is really fucking hard. I'm so fucking over apps. Like, I swear to god, half the people on these apps are AI generated. And you might not be wrong. Yeah. And like I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. There is a veritable buffet of queers that I could date.

SPEAKER_05 8:13

But it's like the Mecca.

SPEAKER_08 8:15

Every, right?

SPEAKER_05 8:16

It's like ground ground zero.

SPEAKER_08 8:18

Right?

SPEAKER_05 8:19

That's where they make them.

SPEAKER_08 8:20

But every that's where they make them, yeah. But every every dish in this buffet that is interested in me will give me food poisoning.

SPEAKER_05 8:33

And I'm what a beautiful fucking metaphor.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Thank you. So you're basically on a cruise with a bunch of yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:43

I stopped. I stopped reading. I have to stop virus. It's too too real.

SPEAKER_08 8:47

Too real, too, too current. Um yeah, uh and I'm tired of it. I just want to like So what's going on?

SPEAKER_05 8:59

Are they just like ghosting you? Are they weird?

SPEAKER_08 9:04

Ghosting me, or they're weird, or like they don't listen to me when I'm like, I'm demi. I need like a couple of weeks until we fuck, okay? Just a little bit of time. Right. Um and then they ghost me. Um just it's like making friends, but like an extra step. Yeah. And it's so much harder when you're not, you know, at school meeting new people every day. Or and I work in a small business, we have there's ten other employees, and I'm not fucking any of them.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

So I'm sending this to each of them.

unknown 9:47

Yeah. No!

SPEAKER_02 9:48

You never have to.

SPEAKER_03 9:49

So they're gonna all be like, damn it!

SPEAKER_08 9:54

Fuck. No, I think they're awfully aware of it.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

One of them's outside your window right now with a boombox.

SPEAKER_06 10:06

Damn it. Turn it around, gang. Go all ten of them are out there trying to help each other.

SPEAKER_03 10:14

Wing van around.

SPEAKER_05 10:15

Turn the caravan around. They all turn around. I imagined them all stacked on top of each other in one giant long trench coat.

SPEAKER_02 10:26

Yeah, trying to get to the window. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 10:30

Maybe if they Voltron it, then I'll finally say yes.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

Put all their friendship rings together. Together we'll make one perfect queer. Oh my god! You might be onto something there. I'm onto something. I think that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_08 10:49

Nobody knows how to socialize anymore, and it's exhausting. I think we're the only three people in the world who know how to do it.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

We're the last ones left.

SPEAKER_08 10:57

We are.

SPEAKER_02 10:58

You guys know Satan? Yes. Huh?

unknown 11:01

What?

SPEAKER_02 11:03

I heard. Do you guys know Satan?

SPEAKER_05 11:07

Well, she yeah, I know her. She we're we're pretty close. You gotta answer that question too.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

Speaking of, I was making that, okay. We were recording that um screenplay I sent y'all, and it, you know, it has to do with a demon. I don't want to give a lot away before it's out, but it's you know, jokey jokes about a demon. Twice shit fell off of shelves for just no reason.

SPEAKER_08 11:34

A ghost.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

Like literally in the middle of filming. In the middle of filming a scene. It's probably recording. Where were you filming? Just at a like, we just used a building with a kitchen for it. Like we were nowhere. We were just invoking a name that we probably shouldn't have.

SPEAKER_05 11:53

Oh, you were saying the name of a real demon.

SPEAKER_02 11:56

We kept saying it the name of a demon.

SPEAKER_05 11:59

Well, yeah, it's a big part of the script.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

Yeah, a lot. So I remember now. Yeah, so that happened twice. And the first time I was like, you are not allowed to come home with me. He said, You ran the fuck away from me.

SPEAKER_09 12:14

How many times did he say it?

SPEAKER_00 12:19

666. He's like, stop saying my name or I'll come.

SPEAKER_08 12:30

Well, damn, I knew that. Oh god. Okay. So this question's from Dan, and they ask, Um, I am in a seminary becoming a pagan community minister, and I want to minister to people in communities I'm adjacent to, or ones that I'm part of, but are considered out of the norm. Um and some of the questions that they've got are how do I let furries know I'm totally cool to marry them or conduct their funerals? Let's ask all at once so I can process You can wear a pin.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

Yeah. Can I hear the res? You said there were there was a few that he sent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 13:21

Yes, yeah, yeah. Um, okay, so how do I let furries know I'm totally cool to marry them or conduct their funerals? Should I include trans and non-binary renaming ceremonies? Do you think there's a market for DOM slash subs who want to sanctify their dynamic partnership?

SPEAKER_01 13:37

Hell yeah. Yes to all.

SPEAKER_08 13:40

Yes. Yes to all. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

The how like a genuine real answer for me.

SPEAKER_08 13:48

This is all really fucking cool and I like it.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

Oh, yes. Yeah, absolutely. Literally. Now, I will admit when I read the words furry funeral, it made me laugh.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

And I'm so sorry. See, because you have to get a really big casket. Are you buried in your fursuit? Your fursuit?

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Here's something because that piqued my interest. And I actually did a Google search about furries having funerals. So the fursuits are expensive. We know this. They save up, they're beautiful, they're art. They'll usually like put them in their will and like pass them down, friends, family, like you know, not to be wasted. I mean, not saying like if that's what you want to do, that would be a waste. But uh, but also on this Reddit thread, somebody was like I'm sorry. Somebody was like, how creepy would it be for your friends and family to be gathered around your casket and your furries' eyes were just like with that big old smile. Dead like this. And then somebody else's suggestion was like, well, maybe just the mask off and next to you, so it'd be it's almost I know somebody else. Also, that's gonna be a wide casket. It's that's what I'm saying, so expensive.

SPEAKER_05 15:29

The lid would have to open huge, it'd have to be custom built.

SPEAKER_02 15:34

But if you can afford a fursuit, you can probably afford any funeral. That's fine. That's right, honestly. Yeah, y'all are loaded.

SPEAKER_05 15:43

Okay, and furthermore, also, um, if it were me, if it were my funeral, and I was buried being it was I was the dead furry. Everybody in the audience would be required to wear their first.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

Oh yeah. Yes, so it would just be like It's like a clown funeral. Yes. Wow, yeah. Beautiful, yeah, incredible.

SPEAKER_08 16:09

We didn't say how to let them know. And I know I sound sarcastic, but I'm not. I love community.

SPEAKER_02 16:15

Yeah, oh, yeah. Um, so how do you let them know? You're gonna have to make a website called IDOfurryfunerals.com.

SPEAKER_05 16:27

Yeah, furryfunerals.com. You're gonna have to and I'm gonna need you pamphlets, some infographics, and Instagram.

SPEAKER_07 16:34

Dan, yeah, lock in. Yeah, come on, Dan.

SPEAKER_02 16:38

Lock in. Um, I also love, we said yes, love the rename, renaming ceremony idea. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_08 16:47

Like, yeah, I don't even have I don't have jokes for that.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

I'm sure people notice I have changed my name. So that would be fun for me personally. So I like that. Touches me. Yeah, I like that a lot. And then I do know DOMs and subs who have done like public collaring and sanctifying of their relationships. So this market is broad, open to you. Now, if you're in like the south or something, maybe not the most lucrative. It depends on what's going on. We'll get you there. We'll get you out to the Bay Area where they make you.

SPEAKER_08 17:22

I've got an empty room.

SPEAKER_05 17:24

I just to broadly answer the question, I do think that there's a market for any of these because there are eight billion people on this planet and there's a community for everyone. Um so, like, jokes aside, the most more serious answer is fuck yeah, like be there for people who are not don't usually have somebody there for them because this kind of shit's important.

SPEAKER_08 17:48

But also That's why I want to work in deathcare.

SPEAKER_05 17:50

Yeah, dude. Death duolas are the shit.

unknown 17:54

I know.

SPEAKER_02 17:56

I have thought about since then too um having like a whole renaming thing, and it's because of Dan, so thank you. I was like, that's actually a good idea. And like whenever you're like a single adult, there's not a lot of like celebrations really to have. There's like, you know, people having kids, blah blah blah. I was like, this one's gonna be mine. So very cool. Oh my god. They'd be screaming today. They're podcasting. Podcats, podcasts, podcasts. You're mad at your job. You wanna do you wanna do podcasts right now? Let's do podcasts.

SPEAKER_03 18:39

Podcast, podcasts, podcasts, podcats.

SPEAKER_05 18:43

Do do do do do do so.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Please make a little song out of it. Yeah. I'll find it, yeah. I'll make it like Pink Pony Club, but from just the different. It's a lot of work, but if you're willing. I'm not. Okay. And that'll never happen. Yeah, yeah. Sorry to get everyone's hopes up. So I'll tag y'all here so you can see the cat here. We've got a gray, fluffy man, uh, big ass ears, doing some fancy feet. One's holding a sword, and one's got wide old open eyeballs. Same cat, all three different uh vibes, which I love. This comes from my friend Megan, who I used to live with. We were very close. She texted me today to be like, I've been listening to your podcast, and this reminds me of when we used to ride around and just laugh for hours. And I was like, Oh, Megan! I just got chills saying it out loud. That's so sweet. Megan, I love you. It's really cute.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Um all right. Well, somebody name this cat.

SPEAKER_05 20:08

That's that's that's that's principal boofer boofer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

I said no booing on the podcast and you know what?

SPEAKER_05 20:20

And you know, and you know what? And you know what? And it just it what just happened to me was that part, that fucking scene in New Girl when they're like, say any word but sponge, and Nick is like, okay, sponge. Told me not to say boof. And I said that cat's name is Principal Boofer. Or did I say Professor Boofer? I think Principal Principal Professor Boof.

SPEAKER_06 20:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 20:44

A boofus.

SPEAKER_08 20:45

Well, PhD.

unknown 20:47

PhD.

SPEAKER_08 20:50

No. No, though, I do think this cat has 10 out of 10 brain cells. Like oh, he knows how to hold a sword. Yeah, he knows how to hold a sword and he is plotting.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 21:05

I also think he's gay. Is he a homosexual?

SPEAKER_01 21:08

Oh, maybe.

SPEAKER_08 21:09

I mean, he's got 10 out of 10 brain cells, so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

Yeah, it is giving.

unknown 21:13

Bing.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

It's giving, it's giving judgmental gay.

SPEAKER_08 21:19

Um that's also a lawyer.

SPEAKER_05 21:22

Yes. Oh, yes. So I'm gonna do this. So maybe he Yeah. Principal Principal Boofer Esquire.

SPEAKER_07 21:36

Principal Boofer Esquire! For all call me now for all of your legal needs. Legal, legal, do you have legal questions? I'll answer them. I'm a gay cat who can who can help you in a court of law.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

Have you ever been uh lied to by your podcast? Co-host when they told you they wouldn't talk about boofing and then immediately talked about boofing. Call me Principal Boof for Oh, is it spelled F U R?

SPEAKER_06 22:11

Boofington. Professor Boofington Esquire. Principal, not Professor. I don't know if he's a principal or a pro principal professor.

SPEAKER_05 22:21

He's got a lot of master's degrees. He's a jack of all yeah, he's a jack of all trades.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

All right. He's smart. He's beautiful. Um, and his real name is actually Gandalf.

SPEAKER_05 22:34

Oh thanks, Megan, for sending in your angel. 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10. Brain cells. 10 out of 10.

SPEAKER_09 22:46

What a good gay boy. Love. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_05 22:49

Thank you. I said, what a beautiful gay boy.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

And he went, no, we're not talking about you. Okay. We get that you're the reason for everything. Right.

SPEAKER_08 23:06

The reason for everything, yeah. Don't do it.

SPEAKER_05 23:12

He's it's time to do it. I'm gonna lock you out. It's stim o'clock.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Do you want to read the one from your friend?

SPEAKER_05 23:22

Yeah, I'll do it.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:24

Okay, so we got a question from T-Dorf Papa Son.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

This is a nice and that's the real name.

SPEAKER_05 23:36

We go back to we and that's that's her real name, and we were in Nam together. That's how long we've known each other.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

So I wouldn't brag about that.

SPEAKER_05 23:48

Um listen, we go way back. Uh T Dorf, Papa San, and I, she's actually the creator of the Papa Son chair. That's why she's put that last name. So and all these things I'm saying are true. So um, she wants to know our dream blunt rotation. Last week we talked about our nightmare blunt rotation. What's our dream blunt rotation?

SPEAKER_02 24:15

And just to recap, our nightmares are any men and each other. Yes, any man, each other, yes.

SPEAKER_06 24:23

Right, yes.

SPEAKER_05 24:24

Um yeah. Dream is crazy. Dream is crazy because so okay, since we're in a dream scenario, I don't have anxiety from smoking weed. Right.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

That's exactly what I was thinking. The whole scenario is a dream, yes.

SPEAKER_05 24:40

The whole scenario is a dream. I can go back to my 10 joints a day, just one a fat blunt to the face. The good old days. You know, two years ago. That was that's not old me. Um I'm different now. I'm different. Um, I don't know, man. Uh, probably like um David Lynch. I'd like to sit down with him. No? Nightmare. Why? I love his I loved his brain when it was awake. And he's now sleeping when he's awake.

SPEAKER_08 25:23

When he was awake.

SPEAKER_05 25:25

Hold on, let me plug his ears. Now he's sleeping. Rest and pillow, David. Rest and pillow. Um probably like uh ooh, see, and you guys would think nightmare again, but David Cronenberg would be fun to sit down and just chit-chat with. I'd be like I'd be like, so uh just a dream, so why body horror?

SPEAKER_02 25:58

What's wrong with you? I love it.

SPEAKER_05 26:00

Like just like a lot, but just probably like a lot of things, you know? Um and then like it would just be like filmmakers and shit. Like it would just be like, you know, and like my buds, just like my closest babies. Yeah, that would be so fun, and maybe God, so I could ask questions, fucking answers.

SPEAKER_02 26:25

I I should have been thinking while you were talking, but I was so zoned in on you talking about the scariest men I can think of. I'm not so even if smoking was fun for me, yeah. And not because I don't respect them, I you know, love, but yikes! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair.

SPEAKER_08 26:47

Fair. Fair, fair, fair, fair. Oh all of mine are fictional characters. I love that. That's great. Okay, okay, okay. Ooh, Jake the Dog.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

Oh, yeah. You can make me the best sandwich.

SPEAKER_05 27:03

Oh, yeah. Make him bake or bacon pancakes. Make him bacon pancakes.

SPEAKER_08 27:07

Yeah. He's a chef. Um such a good answer. Samwise Gamgee.

unknown 27:12

Ah!

SPEAKER_05 27:13

I want to redo mine.

SPEAKER_02 27:16

Oh, sorry. You locked your answers in, and you are not a millionaire. Kayla's winning. I don't even have the answer. I'm gonna lose.

unknown 27:25

You're gonna lose.

SPEAKER_08 27:26

I'm gonna lose. This is a competition. So, okay, so I only had I only had two so far. And I was like, hmm, what's my third one? And the first the first one I thought was Sweeney Todd. So I'm I don't think I'm winning anymore.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 27:41

I'm done.

SPEAKER_02 27:43

I'm dead. You know, probably more reasons y'all are in my nightmare blunt rotation. Because you're gonna bring all the scariest people.

SPEAKER_08 27:53

You're the one summoning demons.

SPEAKER_02 27:56

Okay, that's fair. That's fair.

unknown 27:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:59

I'm literally, I I was gonna make a joke and say the demon, and I'm too scared, legitimately too scared to and I won't. I was gonna be like, and mine is no, no, you're not getting me in mine. That's a nightmare.

SPEAKER_05 28:14

Oh, um, Britney Broski, I just want to hang out with her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

Yes. Um, fuck. Mine would be Vic McKaylus. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh okay. I'll add Victoria. Vic's on mine, and we can all hang out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Y'all are on my dream now that we're not scared. Vic McKaylus, Gina Davis in Earth Girls Are Easy. Yes. And who else? I'd love just back to drop out probably Allie Beardsley, right? Yep. That would be so fucking fun.

SPEAKER_08 28:55

Did you guys watch the new episode of Game Changer Yes?

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Oh, because you said you wanted to watch it with us. Did you watch it already? I want to, unfortunately, yes.

SPEAKER_08 29:04

I want to watch it with you guys, though. This is relevant.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

I saw a picture. I know. I I know I I I look up things too fast too much.

SPEAKER_05 29:15

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:20

Maybe I'll just delete all of my social medias.

SPEAKER_05 29:25

Thanks, thanks, Dr.

SPEAKER_02 29:27

Papassan.

unknown 29:28

Doctor. Doctor.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Everyone is a doctor on this podcast. HD Popassan. Whether whether you just send a question or you host, or you're a cat showing your butthole. You matter.

SPEAKER_05 29:45

You matter. You matter.

SPEAKER_02 29:46

And I'm giving you an honorary doctorate.

SPEAKER_08 29:52

Because I don't have that ability.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

I feel like y'all are already on the um precipice of thinking this way, because you're talking about scary things in people. So I'm gonna ask this question from Riley. Again, thank you, Riley, for sending us multi-questions. Love you. Riley asks, What's your top hear me out monster? Love it.

SPEAKER_05 30:25

So I recently had to come to terms with something about myself. Oh yeah. I just, you know, the internet is just, she's just there, and she just be showing us stuff that, you know, and then I will send a video. And I just had a friend one day be like, you're a monster fucker. I was like, no, I'm not, no, I'm not, and then I just have just proved, you know, went to go see this movie called Shelby Oaks that was a horrible fucking horror movie. I don't know if you guys saw it. It was bad. It was so bad. But the demon, why did we need an eight pack? Why did we need to be buffed? Why did the demon have to be hot? The demon was hot, and and I went, I went to see this movie with this friend who often calls me out. They're often like, okay, monster fucker. And I'm like, nah, I just want to be chasing whatever.

SPEAKER_02 31:31

Is the demon actually hot though? Yes. That's not a dairy out of.

unknown 31:36

No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

I'm not saying he's my hear me out.

SPEAKER_05 31:39

I'm not saying he's my hear my I'm not saying he's my hear my hear me out. I'm saying that that was my moment where I was like, God damn it. I think that my friend's right. So like I turned to my friend and I was like, get a load of this guy. And they were like, see?

SPEAKER_03 31:55

I was like, God damn it.

SPEAKER_05 31:58

So, okay, so this goes back to Hex from Fern Gully for me. Um which we've talked about, I think it was episode one or episode two. So Dark Darkness in Legend, played by Tim Curry, is my hear me out monster. Um, he's supposed to be like a devil-likeness, you know. Um I would also say uh from the same movie, uh, I think her name is uh Meg the Bog Witch. Meg or Magdra, I can't remember her name. Also like I'm just like I don't know, you know, any scary monster that'll chase me through the whole hear me out. Yeah, but I'd I'd go with darkness is my number one answer.

SPEAKER_08 32:50

I don't know if any Guillermo del Toro would be allowed in a Hear Me Out because he just makes hot monsters for some reason. But the fawn from Pan's Labyrinth. Yes, I don't know what it is. I don't know why. The voice that's probably part of it for sure. The t oh my god, yeah, over six feet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:16

I mean, hear me out, Pan's Labyrinth, the fucking Yes, that was my other one.

SPEAKER_08 33:22

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:25

I can't remember the name what they call it. He could see exactly where your Jeep spot is.

SPEAKER_08 33:32

He could. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 33:34

And all the monsters, all the monsters we think are hot because it's Guillermo del Toro, it's Dave Jones. Or uh what's his name? Doug Jones.

SPEAKER_08 33:43

Yeah, that's true. Doug Jones. It's just Doug Jones.

SPEAKER_02 33:47

Doug Jones, you're the hottest monster. I'm never ready. I'm always like, here's these questions, and then I never think. But I mean, mine's probably I have like a stalking thing. So not hear me out because he is a like attractive and he's not a monster, but Joe from you can get it. I don't think he'd kill me. I think he'd let me go. Is that Penn Badgley? Yeah. Yes. And um, maybe like um, I do like the smoke monster from Lost. Love the idea of just you know, kind of like dark, you know, it could get an indie crack and crevice. Like the idea of thinking. Hey, hey. I've also just been waiting for my chance to turn this into a lost cast.

SPEAKER_08 34:47

So I never watched it, so bye.

SPEAKER_09 34:52

Bye. It's so good.

SPEAKER_08 34:55

Um, I again not so sure that these count because they're just objectively hot. Pyramid Head and the nurses. Like oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:08

Pyramid Head? Yep. Oh my god. Just the way he rips her skin off in one fell swoop.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

Oh, we're going there. I'm gonna go with um uh Shauna from Yellow Jacket. Okay, she is a monster. She is a fucking monster. Melanie Linsky.

SPEAKER_08 35:36

I know. I've had a crush on her since childhood when she was in uh two and a half men.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

That she was in uh like made-for-tv adaptation of Rose Red and Stephen King. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 35:52

I mean, Pinhead's kind of hot too, honestly. True. Doesn't do it for me. The way he I mean, and that's fair because it's a it's I think it's a good hear me out, but the way he like quotes the Bible and shit. Like these scary, dude. It's so scary.

SPEAKER_08 36:10

Are you looking for a church going man?

SPEAKER_06 36:14

You're looking for a Godfared man. The way he quotes the word gets me going. Gonna drag me to hell, baby.

unknown 36:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 36:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:25

Depending on like which uh parts of our podcasts people listen to, you could be confused that we only talk about the Bible.

SPEAKER_03 36:32

That's so true.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

It's a Bible.

SPEAKER_07 36:36

It's my trauma.

SPEAKER_02 36:40

Oh my god. Yeah, I just don't. I'm not unfortunately like a monster fucker, really. I'm more of like a bad fucker.

SPEAKER_08 36:50

Yeah. I agree. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

Either. I what did I just fucking watch? Oh, I'm watching The Boys. I've never really watched it. Moons watched it. I'm watching it because you were like, please watch it. I'm on season two. I'm not gonna lie. Home.

SPEAKER_03 37:09

Don't you finish that sentence, Kirsty?

SPEAKER_06 37:16

I want to suck milk off my body. Listen, out of context, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 37:25

You have to know the show to know that he's a milk drinker.

SPEAKER_03 37:30

He likes a mommy milker.

SPEAKER_02 37:32

And I know he's like the worst. And I know, and I know things that happen, and he's already been the worst already by season two. He has missed the beginning.

SPEAKER_05 37:42

He gets way worse. I mean, Billy Billy Butcher can fucking get it, dude.

SPEAKER_02 37:49

Billy Butcher is they're also that whole show. I'm like, it's oh fuck. It's so good. I told you it's so fucking good. It's such a good idea. I knew it was good. I just don't have Amazon, but I'm yeah, house sitting where I do now. So I'm just like going. That's great. It's so good. And I'm sorry, but Homelander can.

SPEAKER_05 38:13

And you know what? That is such a that is such a good hear me out monster. Yeah. It really is, because he's a fucking monster.

SPEAKER_02 38:23

He's a monster. And he has the worst hair.

SPEAKER_05 38:26

He does. It's awful. Oh, he's such a crybaby bitch. Oh my god. Oh, uh, this guy. Well, I don't want to reach for it because it's over there, but he is. Um, his name is I can't remember off the top of my head. Um uh he's really hot. He was really hot in the 80s. I don't know about now. He played Prince Humperdink in uh The Princess Bride, and then he also played the main vampire in Fright Knight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Chris Sarandon. But Chris Sarandon in his like in Fright Knight as final form uh vampire.

SPEAKER_08 39:12

Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 39:17

Oh my goodness. All right, we've got some good ones.

SPEAKER_05 39:22

I was afraid I wouldn't have any for that one. No, yours, I think you won because it's a competition. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:29

I agree.

SPEAKER_09 39:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:32

I'm winning podcast. Yay. Yippee. We've had a lot of people be really nice again about the new episode. And I know we talk about it like every fucking episode. We're like, people are being really nice, but you are. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 39:52

We've had some memes too, but I'll troll you right back, bitch. Yeah. I'm gonna channel Brenda and uh just start just letting y'all have it in the fucking comments.

SPEAKER_07 40:03

And if that's true, too, I won't do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 40:09

Unless you're Homelander. Fuck Mary and then kill.

SPEAKER_05 40:17

Uh yeah. Um, yeah, I don't know. This this this uh this little podcast we're doing is pretty fucking cool. And I don't care if we get five listeners and no comments or a bunch of other a bunch of comments and views and likes like we put in. Um thank you. You guys are the shit. And everybody's just been so nice.

SPEAKER_02 40:44

Um, we do have one more question, too. If somebody always read it in the middle there, kind of the middle above Riley's um Okay, from uh Lamb.

SPEAKER_05 40:56

Yeah, one of our friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She is one of our friends from our little disco, our Discord. Hi, Lem. Uh she says, I love my best friend, but he said I'm too bro for him. How do I deal with that and also be as hot as Shane Hollander?

SPEAKER_06 41:15

Um, you know, this is a tough question, Lem.

SPEAKER_05 41:20

I think we've talked a little bit about this in the Discord, but it's been a while since we've revisited. Uh you love your best friend. What kind of love? He's too bro. Or you he's saying he's saying you're too bro for him.

SPEAKER_02 41:35

So what I think it is, because they're best friends, I think Lim has unrequited love. And I don't think he's saying she's too bro y. I think he's like, we're best friends. We're fans shouldn't do that.

SPEAKER_08 41:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:51

Yeah. Now, to address the other one, to be as hot as Shane Hollander, you have to have an eating disorder and be autistic. Sorry.

SPEAKER_09 42:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 42:02

Do not take that advice, please.

SPEAKER_05 42:06

We're not giving advice. No. You could put on freckles every day. You could put on freckles and give yourself a cute little pixie cut and you could fold your short bangs and fold your clothes before sex. You could do those things.

SPEAKER_02 42:20

Yeah. Yeah, you could try just taking your clothes off in front of them and folding them and see what happens.

SPEAKER_05 42:29

Tell them you're curious, tell him you're curious.

SPEAKER_02 42:32

Deny being your best friend saying you're too for him. Not to bring the comedy down, but fuck that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 42:42

I know.

SPEAKER_02 42:43

Oh honestly, yeah. Like he if he wants to like stay your friend but knows how you feel, ew. Uh I don't like that. I don't like that. And I don't like him very much. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 42:59

No, I have to agree. I have to agree. I think it's there needs to be a bigger conversation there because you know, if it's unrequited and he's he's trying to say, I don't know. I just think it's a little because I obviously he has some sort of he cares about Lem a lot. Because if you guys are best friends, right? But that's also how beautiful friend like relationships can start. Not to give like any hope or anything, but like maybe he should let down some walls, right? Like I was friends with with my partner first, and then we were like, uh-oh, you know what's this mean? What's happening? Yeah, exactly. So I don't know. I think he needs a therapist. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Therapy. Yeah, therapy. He needs a therapist. Tell him to go to therapy. Also, Lem, you have your own fucking business. You're beautiful, you're so funny. You can sing, girl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 44:00

If you don't find somebody else, I was gonna say you're already as hot as Shane Hollander. You don't do anything. Literally. Like literally. You're already there, baby. You're already there. Don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_02 44:15

It's this is more talented because you're multifaceted. He only knows hockey. You know how to do a ton of shit. So you're back. For real. Yes. I yeah, I think your best friend, um, if he knew how you felt and he might be breadcrumbing you to keep you around. Don't like that. Don't like that either. He can uh huff my nuts, quite frankly.

SPEAKER_05 44:44

Literally. That's me huffing nuts, sorry. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 44:48

Kirby. Actually, I huff my nuts. But in a fun way. Not the mean way that I say.

SPEAKER_07 44:57

Not in a mean way, but in a fun way. That feels good and nice.

SPEAKER_02 45:01

In a sexy way.

SPEAKER_08 45:03

Computer, huff my nuts. We're getting there with AI.

SPEAKER_05 45:10

I love, I love that joke, but I also really love like leaving comments on TikTok where if it like if it is two boys being sexy or like two same-sex people being sexy, I'll be like, great job, computer, in the comments. Good job, computer.

SPEAKER_03 45:26

Thanks, Grok.

SPEAKER_05 45:33

Oh my god. I love it. I really love like um, I don't want to like ask people to write in and ask for advice all the time, but I don't mind giving it. So if you're comfortable with that, like Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:46

If you like me telling people to huff my nuts a lot, do it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 45:49

Don't take us too seriously, but God, every time you say huff my nuts, I just imagine Kirby. The way he like inhales.

SPEAKER_02 45:58

How big do you think my nuts are? I can see them.

SPEAKER_03 46:04

I can see it from here.

SPEAKER_01 46:08

You're not even in frame when you can see them. This is a national monument. No.

SPEAKER_06 46:16

Check out the nuts on this guy. Okay, sorry. Wait, guys. What? Wait. The demon's here. Somebody knocking. Ready? Yeah. Here it is.

SPEAKER_02 46:31

Cursed nuts.

SPEAKER_05 46:37

Stop. Hang on. You said.

SPEAKER_03 46:39

Wait, here it is. Are you ready? I gotta jump. A joke, Bruin.

unknown 46:49

It's a fuck.

SPEAKER_02 46:51

Oh, nigga. Curse D's nuts choice. Curse D's nuts. Incredible work.

SPEAKER_01 46:57

Awful. Horrible. People listen to the shit.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

Look at them.

SPEAKER_06 47:05

Get some taste. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 47:08

Stop listening.

SPEAKER_06 47:10

Turn it off.

SPEAKER_02 47:11

Listen to this. I think so far almost every episode, women like, you should stop. We have. You shouldn't listen to this.

SPEAKER_05 47:21

Oh, can I also suggest, like, I understand, like, our main thing, we're answering your unhinged podcast, but hey, listen, can you guys send in like ghost stories? Because I would I want to know if you guys have weird ghost stories. I want to hear them.

SPEAKER_02 47:36

Or not just not just the ghost story, but then you know how to deal with it, maybe. We'll tell you how to deal with it.

SPEAKER_05 47:44

There you go. Okay. We'll tell you. I like that. Yeah, yeah. Do you guys have a ghost? Do you need advice on how to get rid of it? We'll tell you. I don't know if it'll be successful, but we'll tell you.

SPEAKER_02 47:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 47:56

Don't call that number. Call us.

SPEAKER_02 47:58

Yeah, call us. Podbusters. Podbusters. It was. I consensus. I called Dean Winchester. That's who I get to be.

SPEAKER_07 48:16

I don't know the carrier.

SPEAKER_08 48:17

I'm Zach Bagans.

SPEAKER_07 48:19

Zach, not Zack Bagins!

SPEAKER_02 48:24

Wait. I want to see him and Dean Winchester in a fist.

SPEAKER_05 48:31

Oh. No gr I just want everybody to kiss. I don't think there are things in this world.

SPEAKER_06 48:37

We'll never understand. Understand. Understand.

SPEAKER_08 48:43

Fuck, I want to watch some ghost adventures now.

SPEAKER_02 48:45

Do you like the other guys? Um Ghost hunters? Who is the one whose wife like ordered a hitman to kill him?

SPEAKER_08 48:53

Aaron. Aaron.

SPEAKER_02 48:55

Poor Aaron.

SPEAKER_08 48:56

He's still going through it. I would never do that to you.

SPEAKER_02 49:00

The wink wasn't because I would. That was me flirting.

SPEAKER_08 49:05

Autism is hard, bro. It's just when do I wink?

SPEAKER_07 49:12

When do I wink?

SPEAKER_02 49:14

Do I wink after I say a nice thing or a scary thing? Tell me.

SPEAKER_05 49:19

The hard part is figuring is letting people figure out what you mean by it.

SPEAKER_08 49:24

But I overthink everything, and I'm like, you're gonna think that is wrong. Oh no. Yeah. This is why dating as an adult is hard.

SPEAKER_02 49:38

That's why they're ghosting.

SPEAKER_08 49:40

You killed them.

SPEAKER_02 49:41

They're like, wait. They're literally ghosting you. If I say one more bad pun, I'm gonna kill myself. So we gotta monster.

SPEAKER_08 49:54

Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 49:55

I'm right on the edge. Keep saying dumb shit. No. I live for it.

SPEAKER_05 50:05

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 50:06

So stretching the cheeks. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 50:13

Now we're back. And we're back!

SPEAKER_02 50:15

And we're back.

SPEAKER_05 50:16

Oh, we're talking about Shane Hollander again.

SPEAKER_02 50:19

Can you say stretching cheeks? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 50:22

Stretching my cheeks.

SPEAKER_02 50:23

They did, yeah. I didn't realize earlier. Okay. Do something. Before we all started, just in case I don't add it, we stretched our cheeks by. And you Kayla said, I'm stretching my cheeks. And then Moon and I laughed, and Moon was like, like Shane Hollander. I didn't realize you were talking about butts. Uh because I'm fucking dumb.

SPEAKER_06 50:49

You're not dumb. You're just a virgin. That's wiener.

SPEAKER_03 50:55

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. You're not a virgin. You have so many snacks. You have so many technical. I'm doing it.

SPEAKER_01 51:06

I'm doing it right now.

SPEAKER_05 51:09

You heard me? You where you started the podcast by coming.

SPEAKER_02 51:14

My huge nuts are in someone's mouth right now.

SPEAKER_05 51:17

Under that's how you show what's under the table right now.

SPEAKER_02 51:20

No, never. They want to be anonymous. Yeah. I also you'd see a cat and then I'd be arrested. So and then I'd be arrested. And it's not the cat. No one's sucking my nuts. God. I live in an apartment complex.

SPEAKER_07 51:42

My neighbors like, and then I heard me say, no one's sucking my nuts. I don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 51:49

We gotta kick her out of here. Get her the fuck out of here. Get her out of here. Well, I thought she summoned cheeks because I thought we were talking about like blowjobs. But I realize now cheeks can mean two things.

SPEAKER_05 52:02

Yeah, we got a lot. We got some.

SPEAKER_02 52:05

A lot of cheeks. I laughed so hard my bangs blew back in again. Oh yeah!

SPEAKER_03 52:15

That's so funny. They're so quirky.

SPEAKER_02 52:20

They have a mind of their own.

SPEAKER_03 52:21

Intorkable.

SPEAKER_02 52:23

If something's not funny, if I say something really stupid, they just stick flat to my forehead. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 52:28

Yeah. They're extremely expressive. Amazing.

SPEAKER_02 52:32

Yeah, because I can't do it. So the bangs are like, I'll I'll take over from here.

SPEAKER_08 52:37

I got you, girl.

SPEAKER_02 52:41

God. All right. Now, now you want to wrap it up. I know.

SPEAKER_05 52:48

We can talk. I could talk, I could talk forever, but yeah, we could. We could. Let's do it. I I know we already said it, but I'll I'll say it until I'm dead. Thank you for listening.

SPEAKER_02 53:02

Yep. I'm sorry we talked about death so much this episode.

SPEAKER_05 53:06

We did talk about death a lot. And also, I I shouldn't apologize for this, but I'm I'm just gonna always reference New Girl, and I'm just always gonna bring it up. And I realize that I bring it up every episode, and I'm sorry. I'm currently on a rewatch. So yeah, it's gonna be, you know, that. So deal with it. So thank you for listening and thank you for laughing if you did. If you didn't, I'll get you eventually. Just keep coming back. And I mean that in a threatening way. Um, you can uh send your questions, unhinged questions, pictures of your cats, maybe videos if you want. Tell us about ghost stories. Do you need advice on how on relationships with ghosts? We'll also do that.

SPEAKER_08 53:52

And you can send I have a lot of experience in that. So all of that. Hello?

SPEAKER_05 53:59

And you can just send it to onerneyspod at gmail.com. Uh, and then also we have a link tree in our Instagram bio with all of the links because it's a link tree.

SPEAKER_02 54:11

Yep. Everything's just under on your need pods. Nope. Hello.

unknown 54:18

On your knee pod.

SPEAKER_04 54:19

Underneath pods. The furry is on your pod.

SPEAKER_02 54:27

I got furry on the brain. I do. And usually, but especially today. Yeah. Thank you. It is on your knees pod.

SPEAKER_09 54:37

Pause.

SPEAKER_02 54:38

And I want to thank my friend G Wiz for our theme song. Um, they're a music producer in DJ in LA. Their website is GWizofestars.com, G W I ZoftheStars.com. And they have more stuff there. And you should listen to their shit because it's really good. And we made music together. And I'm really trying to get her to do like an EDM country song with me right now. So hell yeah. Also message her or something and be like, do it.

SPEAKER_05 55:14

Oh, and thank you to our editor Kirsty, who spends countless hours making our perfect ridiculous hours.

SPEAKER_02 55:22

Every time you you thank me, I'm like, who?

unknown 55:26

Who?

SPEAKER_08 55:27

Who are we talking about?

SPEAKER_02 55:28

Thank you, bitch. Yeah, thanks, bitch. I love you, bitch. It's so fun. It's a lot of hours. I gotta get faster. That's a that's a me killing user error.

SPEAKER_05 55:39

No, you're killing it. You're you're great at editing, and um, I think all of our little verticals and our little videos. Oh, we have a TikTok now!

SPEAKER_09 55:47

We have a TikTok.

SPEAKER_05 55:50

Yeah, so yay.

SPEAKER_02 55:54

Same as everywhere else. On your knees pod at the time. Yeah. And to be clear, for the cat videos and pictures, those go to our email, which is on your knees pod at gmail. Easy peasy. I like it. Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_08 56:13

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 56:15

Link from hairspray.

SPEAKER_08 56:18

Thank you. Oh my god. Yeah, right. Uh thank you again for listening. Um, you can hear us every Monday. Um and you can find us uh where we're streaming on our Buzz Sprout, but also in our Linktree in all of our bios. We are now, like we said, on TikTok. So check us out there.

SPEAKER_02 56:42

That's right. And we've been on your knees.

SPEAKER_06 56:50

And we've been on your knees. Doesn't it?

SPEAKER_02 56:53

Should we start signing off and you've been on your knees?

SPEAKER_05 56:57

And you've been on our knees. Now get up off your knees.

SPEAKER_02 57:03

Yeah. Get up. Get up, pods over.

SPEAKER_05 57:06

Dust off your dirty little knees. And suck the day's dick. Stand?

SPEAKER_08 57:15

Got this, babe.

SPEAKER_03 57:16

Standing on the dick.

SPEAKER_02 57:17

I thought we got them on their knees to suck the day's dick at the beginning. But days. So you have to stand. So they were just down there waiting. All right, stand up. Suck the day. Get up.

SPEAKER_03 57:37

Come on.

SPEAKER_05 57:37

Get up.

unknown 57:39

Goodbye.

SPEAKER_03 57:40

Goodbye. Goodbye. See you next week, bitch.