OYK 6: A Juggalo's Lifespan

Kayla, Kirstie, and Moony discuss what has them on their knees.

This week, we talk apocalypse plans, creepy DMs, and even more hear-me-outs.

Send your unhinged questions to our email (onyourkneespod@gmail.com) or Google Form (Linktree: @onyourkneespod) for a chance to get an answer from these lil freaks.

Thanks for listening xoxo

Transcript

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One moment while I look up the average lifespan of a juggalo. No, does that exist? Lifespan of a juggalo. What'd you find? It's just that's I'm a juggalette pushing 40 and I'm curious about the gathering. Uh 40? You got the hey, hey, hey, hey! What do you s what do you what are you skitting at? What do you get? I might be kind of close to that. So that's what I'm saying. Well, you're not a juggler, though. No, I'm not, but I am tired. You couldn't find me going to any kind of fucking festival. They think I mean lifespan as like, how long have you been in the life? But what I mean is how long you die. It's like a dog's lifespan, 12 years. Yeah, how old are you in jungle years? Welcome to the bummy's baby. Hell yeah. What's up? That's in drives. This is all these podcasts, and I'm Mooney. Kayla. And I'm Kirsty McInally. We're we're the Money Podcast. We're a juggle. I'm so so. I thought you'll have to introduce yourself next week, man. I need a minute. I'm here to answer some questions. I can't wait. I I have a question for you. What's got you on your fucking knees this week? Tell me to me, Rachel. I want to hear all about it. My okay. I'm gonna say first good one. Moist Battle was last night. Everybody was so hot, so cool, so horny. Um, if you don't know about Moist Battle yet, it's a show in Oklahoma City where people hit on each other back and forth. You've heard of a roast battle. This is Moist Battle. You get wet. There's a splash zone. Yesterday, everybody that came got a free cock ring. It was so fun. Mine's in my glove box. It's probably melted now. It's made out of like jelly. Not real jelly. But like an edible cock. I was like using it like a fidget toy. Jelly. And I also That's what it is now. Because there was a lot of lesbians in the crowd, and a couple of them were like, I'm not gonna use this. So I put it on two fingers, and I was like, what do you mean? Makes you last longer, duh. Keep some together. Keep some together. So they're not walking. Middle finger did go numb after a few minutes. I was like, take it off, take it off. No, it looked so fun. It looked like a lot of fun. I was watching. It was so fun. So just on my knees, thanking my friends for bringing me back onto cool shows all the time. I need to show you something. Oh, I can't wait. What is this? My cat. My cats. That's what has me on my knees. That's not how you're gonna get it. Jinx eating my equipment. Naughty. Yeah. Yeah. She's what? A perfect angel sleeping in the sunshine right now. Of course, unassuming, just like innocent. I didn't do it. Yeah. Typical. Yeah. Oh my god. That's great. Wow. Oh, for the listeners. She absolutely just chomped the shit out of my microphone. Just a chunk out of there. What a dickhead. We love her. My cat, my cat. Cake. Cake. Ate a little piece of cake. A little piece of with chocolate on it. Oh no. Yeah, I know. And so, like, she's 12. I had to thank God I found a website. Well, actually, my partner found a website that had like a chocolate, like, get like a like a gauge, I guess, or you can like type in like the age and the weight and then the amount you think they ate. And then it would be like, it was like, don't worry about it. Go to the ER. Oh, nice. So it was a don't worry about it situation, but god damn it. Nice. Girl. Y'all should look that up in case that ever happens to you. That's great information to have. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like a skinny cat eats an ounce of chocolate, go to hot hopital. Hopital. Hopital. Go to a hopital. Okay, so this week, um, I am on my balky knees. Hair pinned back. Knee pads on, baby for Curry Barker. Oh. Uh creator, writer, director. Of obsession. And milk and cereal. And a thousand perfect comedy reels and TikToks. Curry. Curry, if you're listening, I just need three minutes. Actually, Curry, if you're listening and you make one more movie, um, it's on fucking site. It's on actually on site, Curry Barker. I fucking brother. Literally. Oh god, I need to. When you asked if I was going to see Obsession, I said Nar because I saw it yesterday. Oh. And why am I the last? I'm so sorry. No spoilers, but only four movies in my life have literally four have affected me later. Like during watching them, I'm like scary. And then it's over. Four movies, and this is the fourth where I left and I was shaking. And oh, Kayla, you gotta go. It's maybe Kayla. I might go tonight, though. You gotta go. I was gonna go again tonight, but they it was like, I hate it when theaters do this, where 6:15 or 9:30. And I'm like, what about a little seven o'clock? I need a little seven. I need a little 7:30. Like 8:30 is kind of pushing it. I'll be a little seven. I'm an Oklahoma seven. I'll be too. Shut up. Neither of those things are true. This fucking movie. Oh, I just I can't wait to see it again. And I do suggest seeing it in theaters. It was so fun in the theater. In fact, I usually I I fun is a crazy word. It was so fun. Oh, that makes me more excited. It was the crowd that made it really fun for me because I I'm the type of person like who if the person sitting next to me is a bud that is okay with light talking, I'm I'm the person to be like hee hee hee hee bee bee, you know. Same. If I'm sitting next to a bud who's like, shut the fuck up, I won't say anything. However, yeah, if the crowd around me in a theater is talking, I generally am like, shut the fuck up. Same. That being said, there was a moment, I won't say which one, where a man in the row in front of me went, oh hell no! The whole thing the whole time. Lost it laughing. We all cracked the fuck up. So good. Incredible. It was so much fun. Oh my god. The amount, it's still not spoilers, but the amount of laughter that came out of me was crazy. But also the time there were times when other people would laugh, and I was like, that's not fucking funny. That's actually really intense and fucked up. Now I will say the nuance in it is insane. It's insane. And and I don't necessarily agree with people comparing it to Hereditary. I did not laugh one time when I saw Hereditary. That movie was not actually not funny at all. There was no immediate humor. Not at all. This movie, not funny, but there were moments where I was like, hee hee ha ha, because I'm you know a psychologist. Well, a comedian wrote it, which'll just do that to you. Yeah, and I boy oh boy, do I love the comedian to horror pipeline? Oh just Jordan Peel, like I mean, yeah, the guy from Whitest Kids We Know that did weapons, yeah. Yeah, Barbarian. Yeah, Zach got it. They're so good. I should rewatch that. Me next. I gotta work. I gotta work on the screenplay. What got me at the bookstore the other day? Oh cool. Wait, that's sick. That's it's just a bunch of like whole horror uh novels. I call that. Hell yeah. Well, well, since we're talking about movies, I gotta question it. So from Allie in the Discord Allie. Um I was wondering. They asked, what popular media that you should have seen have you missed out on or not watched yet, Kayla. Hey. Listen, I'm really, really bad at watching things, and sometimes I don't know what it is, but the more people push me to watch some things, the more I'm like, I know that I will like it, but the more you push it on me, the less I'm gonna do it. Um I do the same thing, even if nobody's told me, if I know I'm gonna like something a lot, right? I like wait for some reason. I'm just like, uh, I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll still like it later. People can be in even if they're not trying to be gathering all those opinions can be influential, whether you yeah, you know, like it or not. Yeah, sometimes it's worth it to wait until everything's died down to kind of drive on the bandwagon. Yeah, yeah. It's funny that we have this question actually, because um my roommate is currently re-watching X-Files, and I've never actually watched the X-Files, even though I know that it's like something that I would probably love. You would never I think the thing that initially like stopped me from watching it was just how many seasons there are. I can only watch Doctor Who, like I can I can watch 11 seasons of something. I was gonna say that's a lot, that's a commitment. Right? Yeah. Um, like 78. So I don't have I don't have that excuse to deep right. I don't have that excuse anymore. Um, and now I think it's just like I think maybe when the hype is really built up, I get scared that I'm gonna disappoint people by not liking it as much as they think I would. I mean, honestly. Right, like and honestly, like if you don't like something that everybody loves, it makes you kind of cool. I don't know. I'd be like, oh okay. I don't know how many times I've been called a hipster for like refusing to watch so funny. What even is a hipster anymore? Like that nothing anymore. Literally, that's not her thing. No, no. I haven't seen X Files either, but two of my friends are watching it, and uh Lauren, my friend, she's like, it's got like 90s misogyny that I could do without. So honestly, I was like, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll wait. Because isn't Jordan Peel remaking it? Or is it Jordan Peel? Excels? Yeah. Jordan Peel redid Twilight. That's what I'm thinking. That's what you're thinking. I am stupid. No, you're not stupid. Say it. Say I'm stupid. You're not hold on. Did you see the look of joy in my face in that clip that I posted where Moon's yelling at me? And I'm like, gotta unpack that. Point. Yeah, don't call me stupid. I'm sorry. I would never. It's not true. Um I am like I'm trying to think, and and Kirsty, you especially are your your cutie little jaw is gonna drop when I say this, but um uh lost. I sorry! I saw it. Sorry, though, dude. I didn't watch it either. They're on an island, not a boat. God, what if I stop right now? What if I stop the podcast? No, listen. They were on a plane, actually. They were on a plane. I've had the whole thing spoiled for me. So I just know. Yeah. Whoever spoiled it for you was wrong. So it was I also I will say I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy uh when they killed my favorite character. So I was like, oh, you're gonna kill the only gay one? Cool, never, never gonna be. I haven't seen it. On the same, on the same sort of like level, um, I also just like can't get myself to watch the pit because I'm so over medical dramas. Yeah. I can't I want to see it. I know everyone loves it. This is what I keep hearing, but oh, it's different. That's what I hear about Grays. No, no, no. No, actually, the the things that I love about the pit are what Grays is missing. Uh inclusivity, like, you know, very important. A white male lead. Shut up. Hey, there are a lot of people of color on that staff and cast, okay. I'm so just it was a good joke. It was really fun. No, I appreciate the like medical terminology is correct. All the casts took like a medical terminology course and shit, and like I don't know. I just I appreciate the reality of it. Yeah, but fine. Yeah, it's probably more fun for you because you're in medical stuff in your environment. For me, yeah, I'm a surgeon. Yeah, fair. I literally get woozy. Really? I for real, yeah. I've been at jobs where like a boss has had to like bandage on. I'm like, to be fair, I that that time that happened, I had to get stitches. So it's pretty bad. That's pretty, that's pretty bad. I think that's why I panic now when I cut my hand, because I'm like, I don't even need stitches. I don't think I've ever needed stitches. What else have I missed? Oh, our flag means death. But I am going to watch that. I and you know what? I believe it because I told you to watch the boys and you did. Yeah. I haven't finished because I left before I was finished, and now I don't have Amazon, so I'm gonna Yeah. You can have my I I won't give you my info for me to not borrow. Thanks. I don't want it. Yeah. Also, for the record, if if for people that watch the the YouTube, the YouTube. How old are you? Have y'all been on the YouTube yet? Have you guys been have you watched this? They've got this thing. No tubes, though. It's weird. Anyway, if you guys see if you see me because girl likes have videos. Maybe some snakes. Um, I if you see me looking off, it's because I have a uh a large media collection. So if we're ever talking about media and then you see me go, uh, it's not because I'm not paying attention, it's because I'm looking for references. And I noticed that watching the last episode back, where I look like I'm just not listening to you at all. I'm not paying attention. I'm I'm looking elsewhere. It's when we were talking about monster fucking, and I was like looking for monsters monsters on my wall is what I was looking for. I was like, hmm, hmm, which of you who's is fuckable? The catalog. The catalog of fuckable monsters I keep on my That's so I was just looking again to be like, what haven't I seen? Never mind, I've seen it all. I'd be surprised, yeah. Something lost, I haven't. You said catalog of fuckable monsters, and my brain went, oh, like a binder full, right? Well, for Moon, probably. Yeah. For me, it's just the bad guy from the pebble and the penguin. Homelander, not anymore. What's the bad guy from Pebble and the Penguin look like? He's got the big ass chest. And he's tall. You know what? That reminds me. Have you guys seen the Great Mouse Detective? We're not gonna talk about monster fucking. A long time ago, yeah. Uh the rat king. Did I not like mention in the first episode that my first like cartoon crush was Miss Kitty Mouse? Was that in one we didn't release? No. That's from the Great Mouse Detective. I don't remember you saying that. Oh my god. Oh she was my Discord profile picture too for a while. Really? I have there on BHS and looking at it. And that's what remembered. Mine's like one of them. I was like, oh, that fucking rat king, he was mean, but you could give it a big one. See, mine was the burlesque mouse. And you know what? I mean, yeah, I can see it. Wow. It's been a long time since I watched that movie, but I did just Google her. Why is she why is she wearing a garter? Because she's a girl. Fuckable. Well, there was a hot burlesque cat in Five of Goals West, too. And she also wore a garter. She also breedable. Nope. Is well when we fuck. When my friend group and I did our Hear Me Out um PowerPoints, Tiger was on my list of Hear Me Outs. From Five of Goals West? Dude, uh he was voiced by uh uh uh Dom Deloise, right? Or am I wrong? Let me check it out. He's the big cat. He's the big cat. Yeah, he's kind of doofy, yeah, dude. He's got the same energy as uh uh my god, I can never remember his name. Righteous gemstones, the Flintstones, fucking Dan Connor. Uh John Goodman. Thank you, John Goodman. He's got the same same energy, which yeah? Oh yeah. It was Philly Glasser that voiced him. I get it. I don't know. It wasn't Don Delawise. No. Why did I think it was Dom Delawise? Don't ever listen in the comments. Don't ever listen to anything I say. That's fair though. That's fair though. Uh I feel like he did voice somebody in God. I want to rewatch Blazing Saddles. Oh my god, talk about offensive though. That is I fucking love that movie. Since we went back to um fucking monsters and animals again. Um it's fine. No, no, no. You're not a monster fucker moon. Um we got another question from either Kai or Ki. Okay, sorry, it's just K I. Um, and she asked, ideal first date. Oh damn, we're really going to be able to do that. People just want to know our dating lives, who we kill, what what we'd fuck. We did say unhinged. Now this is a little tame, so we gotta bring it around. Make it a bit. But I'll try. I don't know. I I'm just a regular guy, and I just like, yeah, and I like okay. I hate going out. Like, I don't take don't you dare take me to a fucking bar. Don't do that. Damn. I do like live music, but also I love a day date. I like, I like take me to the beach or something. You know what I mean? Take me kayaking. Take me kayaking. I kept being like Take me swimming. What? How do you fuck at the end? Then I was like, oh, only me. No, you can fuck anywhere. You can day fuck. You can day fuck. First day. I gotta I don't wanna look out there. You're no, that's valid. That's actually valid. You know what? Day flipping on the first date's crazy because you can't turn off the lights. Yeah, I'm saying that's so intimate. That's so valid. Unless. Yeah. Unless. Unless you go on a lesbian date and then it's all day long and then I well that's just the first date from the first date until you die. Yeah. Kayla, you just took the words right out of my mouth. Because really, genuinely, same brain. A day date, the foreplay is all fucking day long. Oh, you packed a picnic? Oh, you packed a picnic. Okay. Well, you're in for it, Buster. You got me. Too much of a fuck boy, still. No matter who it is, turn off the fucking light. No. I'm so sorry. Okay, but what I'm saying is, is later you do the foreplay all day long with really nice, kind, little gentle, sweet date type things, and then you hang out until the sun turns off. Or the sun goes down, the light turns off. The big light. Oh god, we hate the big light. Turns off. And then you go home and then you bone about it. That's my ideal date. I think I'm too 50-50 bisexual to lean into the lesbianism of a relationship. Day one. Because if I hang out with somebody in the morning, I'm gonna be like, I got it's time for me to be alone. Yeah. Lost my watch, I believe. Like, I want to see the next day, probably. I do get attacked. Like, I do, like, I will want to keep hanging out, but like for a while. Give me a second. Well, yeah, I mean, you know, this might also be stemming from me very recently getting a divorce. So the thought of dating someone right now, I'm like, that's so fair. Fuck away from me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Valid. So I think my ideal first date, something horrendous would happen so that I could see the way they react. Oh, in a situation like that. I'm sorry. I love the way your brain works. So you're calling in like a bomb threat to the movie theater. Yeah. Just to see what they'll do. Let's keep it simple. Flat tire. Flat tire. Are you gonna do it? Honestly, are you getting angry? Are you pissed off? Are you slamming a fucking hard? Yeah. Oh yeah. Wow. That is I love the way your brain works for that. That is I don't know though, because first date, somebody's gonna be like, oh, such a circuit, no problem. Maybe you gotta do that on like fifth date. Yeah. Okay. And the fifth date. Yeah. Yeah. See if the reaction is the same. Yep. So I will just get a handful of nails in my purse. Uh-huh. Yep. And I will couch the tires. Just throwing them out of the window until one works. Let's fucking go. Okay, but activity wise. Let's say that they handle it well. And and what what are you guys on your way to do? They handle it well. What are you then on your way to do? What are the activities? Coffee in a bookstore is always my my first. Oh, they're reaching for a book above you. Oh, I can't stick my face in their armpits. Not a armpit person, I don't know why I said that. If you stink good, I mean hey. Yeah. Ceremony. It's true. I don't know ideal, but I know not ideal for a state. So I'm gonna kind of mark some off. Don't take me to a movie. You're not gonna grab my hand. I know you're not. You're being a pussy. Um don't take me to like a comedy show. First of all, you're gonna pick somebody shitty. I'm so sorry. I know funnier people than this. Agree. And just all these things you can't talk at. Like, don't take me like to loud, like bar is fine, but only after you've done something and been able to talk. Like going to a bar first thing that is loud, especially. If I have to yell, if my throat hurts after, you can't put anything in it. So then what? If it hurts, do it post. Exactly. No, I gotta feel good. Don't take me anywhere where there's cigarette smoke. Yeah. This is just yeah, places I don't want to go. Okay. Yeah, but I just want to be able to like talk and flirt and look weird if you want to sit next to me for a first date. I've had that happen. On a first date? Same side of the booth. First date. That's psychotic. Yeah. Actually. Now I've had somebody in a corner booth we sat and then they sat like next to me, but you could still like at the corners, yeah. You're tilt the face toward each other. Yeah. And we were able to like hold hands, and it was cute. That's cute. You were holding hands. And also they grabbed my hand the first date. Yeah. You go so that's very cute. I'm a virgin, remember? Oh yeah! I don't even know why I said that. This was also when I was younger. Now that I'm older, like if somebody was like, Hello and Mahan, we're just sitting at a bar, I'd be like, shut the fuck. So much, dude. You don't want that. Yeah, and also that. Yeah. I don't remember. Can I hold my hand? I have to I talk with my hands. Dry out. Let me sh let me flap my hands. Yeah, I can't. I'm on drexons if you got me. Yeah, don't take me somewhere. Don't take me somewhere loud. No, no. I don't want to go to a concert. You want to see me get over stimmied on the first fucking date? Take me somewhere loud, bitch. No. Yeah. That's why kayaking or like or a hike or like a picnic or something is cutesy to me. Cause like if you you're in two different kayaks and you're floating down like a really pretty little river and you can just like look at each other while you float and talk. That's precious to me. That's cute. Yeah, that's pretty cute. That's what I would like to do. I don't know. I keep going back and forth between I want to touch them. No, I don't. Yeah. Yeah. No, that one might be where you're in your life right now, baby. That's fair. Like kayak, I'm like, you can't just grab them. You can. You can't. You can like you can grab the boat if you don't want to float away from each other, kind of like sea otters do. You just hold on to each other. Hold on to your your friend's boat. You know what's happening? I think I'm too Aquarious for a lot of this. Oh. I think I'm like, yeah. I'm so sorry. But I get it. It's cute in theory. And then I think about me doing it, and I'm like, yeah, that you just described my asexuality. I am a slut in theory. Don't ask me to fucking no. Uh-uh. If it's presented to me, I'm the virgin. That was projecting. Big game, baby. Stay away from me. I feel like all of my answers are negative. I'm trying so hard to be like, what would be good? Say something. Yeah, well, you have said something good. You like to talk. You want to look at somebody. You want to see somebody. You want to look them in their eye, and you want them to hold your ham. Yeah. How about you come to one of my comedy shows, watch me do stuff, and then leave after. Yeah. Take you. Yes, actually, that sounds ideal for you. Oh, you know what? Sit in the audience, laugh the hardest, and then don't go home. And maybe I'll call you. Maybe. Um, okay. Actually, I really thought Kayla was like, I'll call in a fucking bomb and see what they do. There's a fire. There's a fire in the bathroom. Did you know? Like Kayla has just set a fire somewhere in the building. Didn't tell anyone else. Told their date first. Did I call 911? I come back from the bathroom and sit down back at the booth. Hey, did you know there's a fire back there? Yeah, exactly. You see it? You see it? Do you love Tim Mellow? Tim Robinson's sketch. How are you feeling right now? How does the fire make you feel? Are you mad? Are you mad at me? Do you want to? Are you gonna abandon? Are you gonna do something about it? Are you gonna go on? Are you gonna abandon your opinion? Are you gonna leave me? Are you gonna hold the door open? Are you gonna go first? Okay, go first. Oh my god. I did, I did start the fire, so yeah, that's it. That's why I'm like, nah, you can go first. Well, okay, so this is the door. A good segue. Um, what would you this is our next question, okay? What would you do in an apocalypse? This is from uh also from Kai. Uh thank you. Kai or Key. Uh we're talking about setting fire. So, so what would you do in an apocalypse? Not hold the fucking door open. No. I'd ask questions. Maybe I'll open it for you. I would immediately loot. Right. Oh, oh. I wish I could be like, I'd say I'd loot, but I want to share. Oh, a thousand. If I get there first, right. Yeah. Like we're we're grabbing it at all. And we're I have thought about mutual aid. Yeah, have thought mutual aid all day. So me and the comrades, this is what we're doing in my my noggin. We are looting, but also posting up at any and all nursing home, baby. Nursing homes. Yeah. They are locked down if you want them to be. You cannot get in or out if you need that. You got the medicines that you need for stocked with medicines already. Oh, yeah. Like tons of prescription medications. Never mind is important for people to stay alive in the in the apocalypse. Um, and also for it for for maybe just like the first week, you know, to take the edge off. You know, yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Um hella medical supplies, hella, we got. We, I mean, just you name it. You need a tourniquet, we got it. You need gloves, we got it. I mean, isopropyl alcohol, we got it. All the things pretty much like they're they're like miniature hospitals, and a lot of people are gonna go straight for hospitals when it comes to looting and shit. I mean, they're gonna be over overrun. So me and the comrades are hitting up the nursing homes. I need everyone who's listening to this to forget that. Yeah, also don't do that. That's ours now. Yeah, yeah. TL. You know, like nursing homes also have that hospitals don't really have a lot, is like landscape. So you can plant shit also outside of it. Sounds like if you go to a hospital, yeah, you can do a little, but not as much with like land. Yes, absolutely. I would like to get the fuck out of the city, though. I live in a big city. Yeah, fair. You live in a big city, yeah. I don't like I don't absolutely not. No, I would probably stay put. The first thing I really, really genuinely, and this isn't even funny, have to do is go find as many inhalers as I can. Because I will not live. Doctor knows. Yes. The first thing I gotta do is be like, I need an inhaler. Maybe 20 of them. So we'll hit up a CVS, we'll hit up at least five to seven CVSs. Yeah. Grab as many adverse as possible because those are great. Adverts like a little code of steroid, right? Correct? Just grab any steroids for real. Grab any and all inhalers, head to the fucking nearest nursing home. And here's the thing: we don't need to get rid of the olds that live within. I'm fine taking care. That's community, baby. We're all in this together. Like, I I've run this idea by friends, and they've been like, yeah, but what do we do with the old people? Baby, they they're still people. If the lights are if they're if the lights are unfortunately, if we get hit like with one of those uh, what is it, an EMP, the electromagnetic whatever like thing that takes out everything, no cars, no fucking lights, no nothing. Unfortunately, the people that are dependent on machinery, night night. I'm sorry, that sucks. But the people that we can sustain, I absolutely am interested in doing. So yeah. I mean, I have a little plan, and I'm you know, it is what it is. I I think it's we do gotta hit up nurseries too for seeds and shit. We gotta stock up on some seeds, baby. And when you said nursery, I thought about babies, not plants, which is which is crazy. So we got the old people and we got the babies, but but that's crazy for me because I it I have been a farmer before and I don't want children. Why would I automatically I was like, yeah, we need to go to the often? We gotta save all the babies. No, no, no, no, I mean sure, whatever, I guess. Apocalypse, I would I I I mean, like, this is like beginning, so like during apocalypse, what would like when you're deep in it, how would you pass the time? Like, what would you do? Barter, trade, gardening, I don't know, getting along with my neighbors, not paying my taxes, be happy for once. Honestly, yeah. Yeah, like I'd go swimming all the time. Swimming all the time, please, any and all gods. My my best avoid groups of men already do that. Yeah, my best anti-capitalist life. Yeah, hobbies. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Writing, reading, yeah. The other thing I would stock up on is stand-up shows for y'all every night. See, don't worry about it. No, I I think I would thrive. Same set. If I didn't, if I if I s if I stayed alive in the after the first initial blast, boom, whatever the fuck it is, I think I would be, I think I would do well. If I was being chased by something, perhaps it was a zombie apocalypse, I'd be cooked, fam. And and and that's fine. Double tap me. Just please double tap. Okay, don't let them run. That's why I need the inhalers, because my brain goes to zombies, and I'm like, if I'm running, I gotta have the inhaler. And I can't because I saw the question earlier, and I was like, well, Kayla probably has the most stamina out of us. Uh maybe. Kayla can't even work. No, I can't, I can't do no. I gave myself a headache on the treadmill the other day. I don't know about that. Well, run downhill. See, we're doing on the incline. This is a hard, hard question for me to answer, though, because my answer has always been the second shit hits the van, I'm killing myself. I mean that like I was wondering if one of us is gonna be like, nope. I'm already struggling with like the downfall of society and knowing that someday, probably not us, because it's not gonna happen fast enough, we're gonna have to rebuild it. I don't I don't have the energy for that. I mean, and that's really making it as is. I'm hoping if it's a proper apocalypse that like billionaires go down with us, though. And I think that'll help morale a lot. That's so you know, that's like when you're not just being stomped down the whole time, just you, and you're like, oh, everybody's literally like let's do this bitch. Yeah, let's see who can survive longer. We're all four. Exactly. And uh, but I also like the idea of oh, there's like a little pocket of uh billionaires that are somehow safe. What if we went and found them? Hmm. Yeah, what if we found them? Who got a supply of fresh meat? Yes! Oh, I love the window. It's fine. It's it's vegan if they're billionaires. It's vegan if they're billionaires. It's vegan if they consent to it. Because a lot of veganism is based, it's uh most of it's about consent. Oh yeah. But they'll be begging us to eat them by the end. Oh yeah, they'll be like, God, this woman won't shut up. I don't have any money. There's a woman talking at me. Fuck. She's killing me in my leg. I thought misenjury was made up. It it does remind me of a book series I read as a kid. I wish I could remember what it was called, but essentially there was a um a pandemic that killed everyone above like who had already gone through puberty. So children were the only people left. This sounds like my friend just wrote or read this, I feel like. Or no, he read the opposite, like all the kids were gone one day. But I've heard a lot of similar, yeah. Yeah, and then so as the kids are getting older and and some of them start going through puberty, and they are like, what the fuck happened? They and some of them remember adults, they're like, We should go see if we can find some. Um, and then they find the government who intentionally killed everyone except for the children, so they could mold them into what they wanted them to be. Wow. So interestingly. And then the kids killed the government. Okay. That's such a great, uh, great story. Um it does I do hate when stories are like somewhat obviously that hasn't happened, but I do not see it that far off from it could happen. Oh, yeah, that's why I was like, oh my gosh in like middle school, and it was like a middle grade story too, which is why interesting. Um well, that's why they're so mad we're not all pumping out babies anymore. Sorry. Yeah, um, yeah, so so I would my first thing would be like, oh, we survived, the dust has settled, I'm gathering supplies, we're meeting at a place, we're coming up with a plan for survival, and then we're going forward. So, like cigarettes, medical supplies, like shit that we can barter, trade, use, um, grow, eat. And then I think and then nature would heal itself, baby, and we would be fine. We would be fine. Solar punk is my fucking track. Dude, girl. Like we gotta move next to a river and we're good. We're set. We got river, we're fine. Yep. Literally, literally, literally, we'll figure it out from there. I will say though, ideally, it's a don't look up situation. I don't know if you guys have seen that movie where it's just we know it's about to happen. We've seen it from literal space, it's coming. We see the asteroid, and it's gonna take us all out like that, or like begonia, like that. Like it's just nine for everybody all at once. Yeah. My best friend has looked up because we're very close to uh military base, like very close. And she was like, I just made sure I was in the blast zone so that it would be over. I get it, I get it, I get it. Smart. I love that. Actually, I love that question. It's it's it's a fun question. I've I've given it some thought for sure. I have too. I've I've got so dumb because you're like, oh, how are you gonna survive if you don't have Pinterest? But like on Pinterest, one of my things was literally. Like the apocalypse, like learning how to like do stitches and like plant and how to set an arm or a leg if it's broken. Like these are things like bushcrafting and shit. Like, yes. In theory, I've seen it, and I think I mean people before us have figured it out, so like we can prefigure this shit out. Yeah, yeah. Especially if you have a base understanding a little bit, like a little tiny bit even. Wound care is super important knowledge to have. How are we handing G handling GSWs if we have to? Condoms condom. Oh condoms. Fucking fucking after the morning after pill, please. Myth of Christone. Any of it. Please. Like it's just like the list. So basically, Apocalypse is to a big old party, baby. Yeah. Poppers. No. I'm gonna need I'm gonna need a munch of rush. Uh we'll be growing shrooms out our ass. Oh my god. No, literally. Uh yeah. Honestly, that's ideal, I think. Yeah. Oh, we would be on drugs. Yeah. Yeah. Like after a while, like if it didn't seem like things could get better, actually, I'd just be like, bye, bye. Yep. I've been in alcohol, I've been to rehab for drugs and alcohol. And I uh uh I I have been going through so much right now, like virtually sober, that if it got to that point, I'd be like, okay. I I have had the exact thought. I've never struggled with drugs and alcohol. However, if I if it was announced on TV that we've got a hostile alien invasion or there's an asteroid heading straight for Earth the size of Africa, and we're toast, baby, I'm doing heroin. What do you want from me? I wanna go nine. Give me the morphine and the Atavan. That's what I'm saying. Morphine and the Adam. I'm gonna not care by the time it gets here. If we're gonna go, if we're gonna die, then why not have you? Exactly. Right. I'm gonna enjoy a nice warm meal with my closest loved ones, and we're all gonna do a bump afterwards. We're gonna get the aluminum foil out. We're freebasing, brother. Hot railing some fucking meth, brother. No, I I that's so funny. Anyway, I could talk about that for literally ever. I do fear. Oh, I do have faith in humanity. I do, and I think that's another Aquarius trait that I have. Um but hopefully people start to apply real life stuff to real life sooner than later. Yeah, amen. This is stemming from me accidentally going full heel on Instagram this week. I did not know what's gonna happen. I don't want to super get into it. If anybody wants to, you can go look at my Instagram. But you know what, though, so mad at me. Ridiculously. Whatever. It's not don't forget. I'm not super I haven't even they've I've been letting them argue with themselves. There's it's yeah, pretty 50-50, I think. Yeah. Um, just the ones that are the loudest or the meanest. Oh, that's how it goes. But you know what? They're just projecting, so we love them anyway. Yes. We are all, and I say this, this is coming from a place of empathy and grace. We all have internalized bullshit that we have to face, period. And oh yeah, we're not all at the same parts in our journeys. There was also like stuff that was not agreeing with me that I was like, Oh, yeah, I love this. I love what you said here. And let me tell you why I said what I said. Like, it's not like I was like, No, I mean I made a silly caption, was like, don't interact, I'm right. Yeah. First of all, because it's not it wasn't meant to be polarizing, and people tell are telling me it is. Yeah, and I was just like they're making it polarizing. I literally was like, if you scroll away, it's not anymore. Actually, yeah, yeah, yeah. You never asked for this, so that's fine. It's fine. Speaking of Instagram, yeah. Speaking of Instagram is a good segue. Yeah. Um, my friend Lauren, who hosts Moist Battle, I talked about earlier. This is a question they get after Moist Battle a lot because one of the things, uh, like if you're performing, they're like, you can't one of the rules is you can't touch each other. And if you're trying to flirt with somebody on the show or outside of the show, they are not responsible for your lack of Riz, or if you have it. So not responsible for Riz or lack thereof. Okay. So a big question they get after the show is how does one non-cree slide into someone's DMs? Man. And it is every DM slide is a threat. Yeah. I'm like, ah, yeah, actually. Um, that's traumatic, but I only it's only if it's so transparent. I love a like if it's transparent, they're trying to be like super nonchalant. If they're sliding up and they're like, hot, and they're my friend, and I don't even mean close friend. Like, if I just kind of know you, I'm like, okay, cool, thanks. Yeah. But friends doesn't count. Slide up whenever. I just mean like acquaintances, acquaintances. Acquaintances. Uh-huh. I got it. Uh, like just somebody I kind of know, even. If they're just like, love this look, I'm like, oh, okay. But I've had it's fine, they probably won't listen anyway. Um, I've had someone like DMing me recently that I had like a situationship for for a while, and I like them quite a bit. And they were not great at that time. And uh they messaged me to be like, uh, I'm living that single life again. I was like, I have a gun. You see these? Watch it, Buster. Oh my god. Uh even a big thing. This is a man, right? This is a cis man, right? I don't know. I have a question. Sounds like cis man behavior, but it is behavior, yes. It is a behavior. Uh I have a question to piggyback off of this, and it is how do you feel about when I say friend, I mean somewhat loosely. Perhaps maybe someone you're not super close with. Um, maybe you were friends with that one time, and then all of a sudden they hit you up on like an app. Oh my god, looking good. Yucky or not yucky. If they have my phone number and we were close at one point, and they were acquainted with me. Yeah. If you have my phone number and you're just gonna slide up, it means nothing. And yeah. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Now, if you don't know a person, you have to legitimately be respectful. I think people have a lot more social anxiety than they should have, but also I don't have a lot. So, like, if I get into somebody's DMs, I'm usually like, hey, girl, this could be really weird, but I'm gonna do it anyway. Yeah. I think you're pretty, and I'd like to take you out for Thai food. Which is charming as fuck. That's charming. If you acknowledge, like, I don't have your number, would you like to go out? Like, would you like to go out? And if you don't, don't worry about it. If you do, here's my phone number so we can talk about it in a way that doesn't feel like there's an extra layer of separation. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Just make it a lot of people. Like you actually know each other. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. That's I uh again though, like sliding into it. Just depends on the person and like the general, and I I that's like the whole point of like an app, I mean it's superficial, right? Like you are looking at a picture and you are going, oh, which is not a good that's a yucky feeling alone, like on its own, right? So so me using that as a base of judgment for to like back up how I feel about your DM, like your message, like that also feels yucky to me. Yeah. And if I think you're cute, I'm like, you know, whatever. But not to mention, if somebody's sliding up for a DM, it usually means it's like it's on your story or something, and they're responding directly to something you posted. So if it's a selfie and they're like looking good, first of all, yeah, bitch, I posted the selfie because it looks good. There's a reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't gotta tell me. Yeah. Like, especially like you said, if it's somebody that hasn't been around in a while or has access to you otherwise, come off it. Like, yeah, get the fuck. Don't DM me, just hit the fucking like button. Just like it. Just harden. Like it. And if you want to hang out, text me. Tell me that. Text me. Yes. Tell me you want to hang out. What is fucking weird sliding up just to be like nice? Right. Right. Actually, objectively hotter if you're just fucking nice and straightforward. Don't fucking start me out on a game board, brother. Like, I don't want to get it autistic. You have to say what you mean. Yeah, what you want. Literally. But I will say that I have had more women and FEMS have been more straightforward with me than I'm I I've got I've got a partner in my living room of 10 years who straight up hit me up and was like, I want to take you on a date. You are cute. What's? Yeah. And I was like, Yep. And now we have we've been together for 10 years. It works. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. This also is a blanket. Not saying like if you slide up, you're all creepy. That is not true, first of all. No. Because I have people we slide up on each other. You know, like it's it's it's really like if you think it is creepy, if you have a hint that this might be creepy, it probably is. It probably is. If you don't think it is, it might not be. Being forward is gonna be the best approach for us. 1000%. Now not too forward, though. Exactly. Oh, on the same page here. Because because now, depending on the app, there there are apps that are for it and not for it. Grindr is the app for it. You are sl you are sliding up to say, I this is what I here is my hole where we meeting. That's grinder. If we're talking Instagram or if we're talking fucking, you know, Bumble, that's not the you're gonna hit me with a silly one liner and you're gonna tell me I'm pretty and we're gonna go on a date, period. You know, so it just depends. But how do you but the question is how do you non-creeily slide in? How what do you say? However, I have had people though, I mean, you also like you just kind of have to read the room. How? Yeah, read the fucking vibe. Yes, it's a vibe. Because I've had somebody years ago, like over 10 years ago, he literally just DM'd me and was like, Would you want to have sex sometimes? Like he literally was like, I'm not really interested. I'm saying, and it I was like, I was like, you know what? Yeah, sure. Cause like, yeah, sure. Why not? And like we we'd known each other a little bit, and he wasn't fucking around. He wasn't like, you're pretty, blah, blah, blah, beep, blah, blah, blah. And then tried to hang out and have sex. He literally was like, Do you want to have sex? And I think probably even in that message, he was like, Cool, if you don't, that's just all I'm looking for. So even being like, I think your reaction is also what's gonna make it creepy. Like, if you are like, Yes, oh my god, hey baby, and they're like, no thanks, and you're like, nice guys never win, you know? Like, yeah, it's creepy. But I'm gonna tell my friends about you, actually. Yeah, I'm actually screenshotting this. Yeah, I have emergency services on SweetDial. Not the cops. This reminds me so much of the message I got earlier this week. What? What share? Share, share, share. Please, please share this. The out of the blue message I got. Let me um, I still have the screenshot. And this is for our new segment, right? That worked that you want to call unhinged. Absolutely. This is this is unhinged. My um unfortunate dating adventures, not even dating, because this guy just messaged me out of the blue, and then the app was like, hey, do you want to see this intro that this man sent you? I'm assuming the app is hinge. This one is not, actually. But but that's it. They all fall in, it's all the same fucking shit. Yeah, it is. It is, and it's not it's not Tinder. So there was no reason for him to come out swinging this farther apart. Let me hear it. Swinging. Let me hear it. Okay. Alright. You are cute. Probably not what you're looking for at all. Very much a top. Like, I look at you and growl a little and feel a need to flood you with orgasms. Yours, not mine. Okay, mine too. But that's gross. Sorry, totally not interested in actually doing that, but definitely feel that primal need. The way he kept going. What if I ate it? My favorite part. Eat it. My favorite part is the okay, mine too, but that's gross. Sir, the whole fucking thing was gross. That's why if you knew even part of a message is gross, don't send it. Don't send it. Don't send any of it. Start over to bed. Take a shower. And then 43. Oh, that's too much. And totally bald talking like a 14-year-old boy. Yeah. So I immediately blocked him, of course. Good. Because I I didn't even want to like deign to respond respond. Um, if any of you want to send in the unhinged shit that usually specifically men say to you on dating apps, and you want us to roast them, please do. I'd love to see, though, some of those like TikTok lesbians getting roasted too, though. I'm not gonna lost there. That's full fair, yeah. No, I'm not saying that women can't do it. I'm here for equality. We just know it's gonna be men. It's gonna be mostly men. Well, we can men, and this is a callback, callback, callback. We know where audacity is stored. We've been over this. Yes. Yeah, yes, yes. So um, it doesn't matter your gender. If you have a ball sack, that's where your audacity lies within. So um, this guy sounds bald. This guy sounds old. This guy sounds like he has one pair of new balance sneakers. This guy sounds like he doesn't have custody of his children. This guy's like the worst. He does. If he's telling a stranger he wants to fill them up with orgasms, he definitely has kids that he doesn't know. And he also probably maybe never has given one ever, maybe ever one time. Never that's why he's had to say, I'd like to feel the mine fill you with mine, because I don't know how to make it happen for you. Yeah. Sorry. It's gonna have to be all me. This reminds me of another story. Can I do that? Please. Okay. So speaking, speaking of dating apps, I don't remember which one I met this man on, but this was also like 10 years ago. Um, so the guy that I ended up having my first threesome with, um, initially I had just met with him for the first time. And one refused to have sex on his bed, so he took his mattress topper off and put it down in the living room, and that's where we fucked. Wait in between. He refused on his own bed. Yeah. I never even saw this man's bathroom or bedroom. What is he doing on that bed that he didn't want to have sex? I don't know. He never explained it to me. Alright. Right like anyway, continuing. So between between sessions that night, uh, he pulls out like a pad of paper and a pen and he starts drawing. And I'm like, what are you drawing? And he's like, This is the clitoris. I was like, hang on, okay, not the anatomy lesson. He was learning. I wanted to show you how I'm gonna give you so many orgasms. I need you to understand. This man never gave me a single orgasm. And you know what? I know he just I know he just beat the shit out of it, too, didn't he? He wasn't gentle. He just hammered it. He fucking hammered it. Why do so many people without vaginas? He was like 45 too. Tear it up. I'm like, I'm like, okay, two minutes. It's numb. I can't even feel it anymore. Yeah. You're pushing too hard. I have specifically been like careful, slow down. And they're like, oh, it's too rough for you. Oh my god. Not in the way you think. Buster. I'm like numb from the waist down at this point. You deserve just for that alone of like three free therapy sashes. Yes. Oh my god, this that's I don't think even the worst thing this man did either, because after we had our threesome, he messaged me. Thank God there was a third person to focus on. Yeah, we're still friends. She's great. Um, he messaged me afterward to check in and be like, did well asking if I enjoyed it. And I was like, Yeah, it was whatever. Um then he was like, I good, I'm I'm glad. I just I wanted you to know that I picked you guys because it seemed like you guys could have used the like boost in in self-esteem. So I messaged her the screenshot of that, and we both fully cut him off after that. No explanation. This man needs to be in jail in prison. I know, right? Shot on site. No, actually, that's that's that shouldn't be running around in the world. No, no, I know I'm sorry. The rage, the rage that I feel. No, it's I can laugh about it now. At the time, it was upsetting. I would have driven to his house and I would have slashed his fucking tires. Yeah. Three of them. Three of them. That's insane. That's That's crazy. That like it's not your fault, it's his. I was having such a good time, and now I'm so upset. I was having so much fun doing the podcast with my friends, and now I want to find this man and hurt him. Yeah. This is one of those, like, I've had trauma in my life. I'm gonna joke about it, and you guys are gonna think it's funny. And then everyone's like jaw dropped, like, what the fuck are you telling them? And I'm like calling a 36-hour hold. Somehow. I did that during a party once. I got too high, and everybody was telling funny jokes or like funny stories. And I was like, this is the story about how my best friend Daddy got his girlfriend pregnant when he ran away from her because she was abusive, and then he cried in my lap about it. It was so funny. Everybody's like, like, you went too hard, Caleb. I'm rambling because I'm high. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm obsessed with that, actually. That is so funny. I just, you know what though? Like to make it funny, it is. If you if you think about it, this the the humor lies within this man thinking he was going to give you a good time. And then and then was like, here's where your clerice is. And you're like, actually, I'm the back of my head. Actually, that's all the humor is just the humor of just hating cis men, honestly. I truly my favorite thing to laugh about. I just can't, like, that is crazy. Thank you for sharing that. And I am living for it. I'm sorry that it happened to you, my friend. I'm still having a good time, by the way. It was my my first experience in threesomes and like the start of my hating of threesomes. Like, I just can't enjoy them because he ruined them immediately off the bat. It's just a lot of work. It's a lot of work. I had one threesome and one foesome, and they were both exhausting. Yeah. I don't want to count right now. That's fair. That's fair. But Megan Stallion says if it if it doesn't, if it's not good, it doesn't count. So I was thinking today and I was like, we've only had sex like four times. Right. With four people. With four people. Which makes the ratio insane. Ratioed. Wild. Oh my god. Oh, Jesus. Hell yeah. Well hippie. Wrap up the house. Alright. You know. You guys know where to find us at this point. I mean, we've got our little link tree on our Instagram. Um with our personal Instagrams on there and our tick we have a TikTok, which is doing great that Kirsty set up for us. Kirsty also does all of our um editing. So shout out Kirsty. Um this is Kirsty. Yeah, you can you can find us like on all platforms uh at on your knees pod. You can we'll have a fat life set up soon. Oh yeah. That would be crazy, dude. You can uh you can email us. Please email us at on your knees pod, please, and thank you. Thank you for listening. Somebody in one of our comment in one of our comment sections was like, this is my favorite podcast. That's crazy. This is very okay, thank you. Yeah, they listen to one podcast. This is my favorite. I want to thank G Wiz for doing our theme song. You can find more of their stuff at GWiz of the Stars.com, G W-I-Z-of-Stars.com. They're a music producer and DJ, and they'll make you cool shit. And they'll play you cool shit. And they're cool. Nailed it. Nailed it. Oh my goodness. Thank you guys for listening. Um we'll be back next Monday. Um, and you can find us where we're streaming um on our bus route, and you can also find us in our Link Tree that is linked in our Instagram and I think all of our bios. Yo yo. Love you. Love you. Have a nice day. Have a nice week. These are for your four heads. I'm kissing each one of you. I'm kissing the back of your neck so I can taste your clip. I'm sorry. Bye. Bye.