OYK 9: Horny Week

Kayla, Kirstie, and Moony discuss what has them on their knees & answer unhinged questions. 

This week, we talk hottest cereal mascots, celebrities that are bad in bed, and Pisces.

Send your questions to our email (onyourkneespod@gmail.com) or Google Form (on our Linktree: @onyourkneespod) for a chance to get an answer from these lil freaks.

Thanks for listening xoxo

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:01

Y'all. Yeah. The people asking questions this week are hourny. Yes!

SPEAKER_02 0:13

It's okay because it seems as though that's the energy. The Titty Avenue is We've grabbed it.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

The train is pulling into Titty Avenue.

SPEAKER_02 0:44

What's up, Siggies and Vapes? Welcome to On Your Knees Podcast. We answer your weird questions, and I can't wait to get real fucking weird tonight. Yay! Sounds like we will. We will. What has you like to knees?

SPEAKER_03 1:04

Wait, we're jumping right into it. Let's do it. Why not?

SPEAKER_00 1:10

You didn't give me the extra 30 seconds to not think about it.

SPEAKER_03 1:13

Yeah, but um why why am I not even mad? I'm gonna be doing that.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

I know there's things going through your mind. You just what are you what are you um you want to share?

SPEAKER_03 1:33

I'm on my knees. In about two hours.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Um uh good for you. You don't have to rub it in my face. I'm sorry. Caleb all buddy. Um, I'm on my knees for my own tits in this bra. Hell yeah, bitch.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

I changed my answer to Caleb's tits in that bra.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Spending money on clothes fucking sucks, but it does. There's a little bit of a silver lining, I suppose. Yeah, there's a big silver lining.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Two! Two of them, if you will. Two big silver lining. Yep.

SPEAKER_05 2:32

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

I love being queer so much. Same.

SPEAKER_03 2:39

We have got some fucking slutty ass questions. I'm excited.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

I'm really excited for it.

SPEAKER_03 2:49

Um, I think the first one I'm gonna do is the one Kayla sent today. I wrote it down. Oh well. Yes. Yeah. From your friend. They asked.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

You can use their name too.

SPEAKER_03 3:01

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

They said yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:03

Hell yeah. This is from Kelton. Thanks, Kelton. Um, besides Tony the Tiger, who is the most fuckable serial mascot? Which Tony the Tiger isn't really my type. That's fair.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

I like the size of him. He's beefy, he's but he's kind of a meathead, and that's not my type.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

He is, and I'm not really I he's like uh on the spectrum uh a meathead, but not uh um a himbo. What is the word a himbo? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

Which I do like. I would prefer to be. I just don't like this I just the sports. He seems so straight. Yeah, yes, he's extremely straight.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

So straight. If he was go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Go ahead. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

I was gonna say that's why my answer is the Rice Krispies twinks. All three of them. All three?

SPEAKER_02 4:05

That is crazy. Snapcrackle and pop. Well, you know at least one of them can handle the job. I mean, you know, you have a higher chance. 33.3% chance.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

I'm sorry. Are they tiny? Yeah. I think they are.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Okay. But do you have a Vorky?

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Find ways to make swallow them. When you're eating rice krispies, that's exactly what you're doing.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

What other mascot, what other cereal boys are there?

SPEAKER_03 4:44

Well, also Sam could probably get it, right? I don't know. You don't like a big nose? What's his name? Candy Sandberg. He's a toucan.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

They do, you're right.

SPEAKER_03 4:59

Are all toucans gay?

SPEAKER_02 5:00

Toucans are gay? Yeah. Okay. A lot of birds are. I'm going with it. Amblefax. Um, well, and then there's Captain Crunch, no. Also very much.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

He seems like a dick, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Yeah, he's don't try to be.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

Trix Rabbit, definitely gay. Queer.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

For sure. Absolutely same as. This wasn't the question. We've no, it wasn't.

SPEAKER_03 5:28

But it's relevant information so relevant. It's so I like that we were like, oh, what we're gonna do first.

SPEAKER_02 5:36

To answer this question, we have to know some other are there any femme slash female women cereal? I don't people think so. Uh big cereal's misogynist. Misogyny.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

Fuck big cereal. Hold on. There's god big cereal for not letting me be gay. For the case.

SPEAKER_03 6:03

I feel like whenever they have big. I feel like whenever they have like femme people or women, it's like human, real human spokesperson.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

You're right. Huh. Lucky Lucky Charms leprechaun is definitely queer, but I'm not into redheads. What? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Well, not redheaded men.

SPEAKER_03 6:23

Wow. Not redheaded men? Y'all.

SPEAKER_02 6:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

I'm missing out.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

I mean, Tony the Tiger is arguably like I don't know, he's like big and strong, and he's a himbo, but he's just so straight, painfully straight.

SPEAKER_03 6:40

That's what Kelts took away the answer.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Better with me. But besides him. So besides Tony.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

The like Count Chocula, maybe? I was gonna say the like childish emo kid in me is saying Count Chocula.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

But not the smack. It doesn't seem like he has any idea what he's doing.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

No. I mean, he's yeah. No, he's hyperfixated on one thing. He doesn't give a fuck about your pleasure.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

There's one thing he knows how to eat, and it ain't pussy.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

Well, this is a good podcast. It was nice talking to everybody. Yeah, bye. Oh yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Um the fuck else? I love that you said not the Smackham's frog because Yeah, not thank you.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

Correct. Um also Kelton asked me this last night. I had to clarify is it only cold cereals? Because I feel like the Quaker Oates Quaker would be a gentle lover.

SPEAKER_03 7:51

Okay. I think he'd be a gentle husband and a rough lover.

unknown 7:58

Shit.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

I just remembered the honeycombs monster, so. Oh monster fucker.

SPEAKER_03 8:08

Fucking monster fucker.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

He gives he gives Tasmanian double energy and fucking get it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:26

Jesus. In the pussy leg. Twisting and jerking. Me! Oh Jesus grinning around.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Good on the honeycomb monster is like if Tony if if he was Tony the Tiger's size.

SPEAKER_05 8:49

Damn!

SPEAKER_01 8:51

I like him big. I like him choking.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

The honeycomb monster or a honeycomb. He looks like a excuse me. Honeycomb monster.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

In the paternity test. Oh god. I rescinded. I rescinded. I rescinded. He's so scary. I rescinded. Let me see this one.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

No. No, actually, no. I regret it. He's so scary.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

I was thinking of like a drippy guy. What am I thinking of?

SPEAKER_00 9:31

You just know I like goo.

SPEAKER_03 9:32

That's what I was thinking of.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

I forgot. He is very like um scary. Henson puppet, though.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

So he kind of looks like Fizgig from Dark Crystal.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

He looks like the embodiment of ADHD.

unknown 9:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:51

Well, he is. We want honeycomb. That's a person with ADHD.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

So we've got the vinyl of this bitch.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

Who's who's that? Frankenberry? Okay, Frankenberry can kind of get it, actually. Frankenberry. And then there's. Oh, well, no, Rabbit. Okay, I see what you like about them little rice crispy twinks. Right? I had to look at it. Frank. He's he's tall and he's pink. You know who I think would be a very generous lover is the is the Cheerios B.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 10:33

That's who the B movie is. Did you write the B movie?

SPEAKER_00 10:38

It wasn't Jerry Seinfeld.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

It was Moody. The more I look at Tony, I'm like, hey girl. What is this one? It's like a hold on. Another cat.

SPEAKER_05 10:52

Yeah. What a hat.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

Have to figure out. It's another one. Fuck.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

Fred Flintstone can kind of get it.

SPEAKER_03 11:02

You know what?

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Oh I always think about that.

SPEAKER_03 11:07

I'd be in that polycule so fast. I know.

SPEAKER_02 11:10

I know that's right. So take me back. Okay. I forgot about fruity pebbles. Dang. I just don't be eating cereal. Man, Tony the Tiger, though. Just the more I look at him.

SPEAKER_03 11:22

Sugar bear.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Sugar bear?

SPEAKER_03 11:24

From Sugar Smacks, I'm assuming. Sugar bear. Oh, here we go.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

No, because Sugar Smacks is the golden chocolate. Count chocolate kind of cool.

SPEAKER_03 11:36

Golden crisp. He can get it. There. He's a little queer. He's a little alt. That's the one. Yeah. Cook you said golden crisp, not cookie crisp.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Golden crisp. Why can't I see? I don't see him. Anyways, I'm taking your word for it. I trust your judgment. That's Franry. What is Frankenberry? That's our husband's mascots. Frankenberry does give himbo vibes. And then and then Count Chocula is very like. He's gay. He's not is he's not interested in me.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

Yeah. I knew I could count on sporked.com to give me a ranked list of the hottest cereal mascots.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Oh my god, let's hear the top three. Top three, please.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Top three. Um top three. Number three, Captain Crunch. Wrong. I disagree.

SPEAKER_02 12:35

Cop. Hated.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

Right? Yeah. Uh number two, yeah. Snapcrackle and pop. All three of them at the same time. And we all know number one is Tony the Tiger. Of course. Damn.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

Okay. Do Snapcrackle and Pop live in trees the same way that the Nestle brothers do. Like the Keebler? Oh yeah. I'm thinking of Kepler. Kebler, not Nestle. That's what I meant. You knew. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Yeah. They live in something. Okay. That's called an STI. Sorry. Also. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 13:22

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

You know what? Good question. Thank you. No, that was fun. I liked that question a lot. My nose. Um we've got a rule. I like this one a lot. Okay. Yeah. It kind of goes hand in hand. I mean, they're all horny. It's it's that's our podcast is horny. This episode, yeah. This episode is just gonna be called horny week. Um the folks over at Moist Battle. Moist Battle asks, Who's the hottest celebrity who is probably bad at sex?

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Oh.

unknown 14:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:11

I love this question so much. I bet there's so many.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

Uh I I don't think he's the hottest celebrity, albeit he has he started as a young actor, he and then has he was like a teenage heartthrob in the 90s, and now as a 40-something year old, he has a bad rap for being a horrible lover, and that's Leonardo DiCaprio.

SPEAKER_03 14:39

Yes, and that's why he dates 19-year-olds because they don't know better.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

Yeah, yuck, gross. Yeah, I guess there was a rumor that he wore like he wears headphones. Hello, he wears headphones while he fucks and like lists, like I don't know. He's like, yeah. Head headphones wild. Super disrespectful. Yes, yeah. Um but like okay. I feel like Aaron, what's his name? Aaron Um he's in the new werewolf movie and he married the he was groomed by that really old lady.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

Uh you think he's bad at sex?

SPEAKER_02 15:18

He's only bad at sex.

SPEAKER_03 15:19

I can't believe it. He's not.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

He's all Aaron, Aaron, what's his name? He's only been with one woman for his since he was a teenager. I don't even know who you're talking about, but I don't Aaron Taylor Johnson.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

I'm going to regret this answer, but I love her so much.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

I can see where you're coming from then.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

I just don't think Sabrina Carpenter's probably good in bed. You don't think? Do you think she's overcompensating?

SPEAKER_02 15:48

But yeah. I do.

unknown 15:50

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 15:51

That's right. She's like on stage. Have you ever tried this one? She just bends over. It's like I mean, doggy.

SPEAKER_03 15:57

She's got a bunch of good ones. Like they're cute, but she's got a team behind her to be like, yeah, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:04

I don't know. And also, you can get into a position, it doesn't mean that's gonna go well for everybody.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

Right. That's so true. True. She did write a whole song about Barry Kyogen because saying they had bedcem, but I'm like, did ya? Did you know about that?

SPEAKER_00 16:21

You sure about that?

SPEAKER_03 16:22

It was about probably having good bedcam. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

Okay, I guess that's true.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

I I guess that's true. Yeah. Um God. Who else? God. I mean, I'm not joking. I've just knowing how intense actors are about acting, I can't imagine they have much uh space for getting good at sex. Oh, there's a lot of things.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Ashton Gutcher is very bad at it. Absolutely. Um I was gonna say George Clooney, but I think I'm just like most straight men are bad at sex.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

Yeah, that's fair. I would I would hope the older they are, they'd be a little wiser, but that also is a very high hope. Um no, there's no there's not a single female woman on this on this list. Except for me. No. Because they're all good at it.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

As good as they need to be at the very least.

SPEAKER_04 17:28

Yeah, um, I'm struggling to think of it. Let's go, Lesbian. You know who I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_03 17:43

Let's go lesbian. Don't bring Bernie into this, ma'am. For a dollar, that guy? Billy. Billy On the streets?

SPEAKER_02 17:53

Yes. Billy, oh. Yeah.

unknown 17:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

Do you think he's bad at it? Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

It's just my opinion.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

But I I I came in hot. Like the hottest celebrity who's probably about a sex. My answer is Sabrina Carpenter. Okay. That's yeah. And she can prove me wrong if she wants to. Yeah, actually prove it. Yeah, actually. We've already told you our address.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

I wanna say Taylor Swift, but I don't even think she's so.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

No. Oh, I I haven't listened to the new album.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Clip that or we're all gonna get murdered. I don't give a fuck.

unknown 18:34

Kind of.

SPEAKER_03 18:35

I haven't listened to the new album, but uh, there's a song on there about like having sex with Travis Kelsey, and apparently it fucking sucks. The song. Yes. Okay. Yeah, babe.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

I know that my two number my two my number one and number two, actually both, they're both number ones. Neither of them are bad at sex. I just think one is getting more than the other. Because one has a girlfriend and the other one is very busy. The other one's really busy, and I just don't think that I like what you said earlier, like he just doesn't have the time to have sex. He could, he could stand on a corner and go, caca, and five, you know, a crowd would be like me. Yeah, you know, of various genders would be like, okay, but he'd be like, I just don't have time. I'm a busy man. He's hope he's getting it, but there's no way he's bad at it, though. Car story. We're talking about Connor. There's no way he's bad at it. Absolutely not. I just don't think so. I just don't think he has the time.

SPEAKER_03 19:47

Yeah, that's what Hudson would never be on this list.

SPEAKER_02 19:51

No, no, and I think he's getting it regularly. Yeah, yeah. Long term. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:57

I think it's regular. I think there's a lot of bruising involved. Yeah. I can't think about that right now.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

Actually, actually. No. We're not thinking. We haven't even read any of the horny questions yet. It gets we hear these kind of not um hornier.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

Um I am yeah, I am trying to like ramp up. I'm not reading the one I read before we officially Oh, I didn't think you would. Well, it could. You could. Maybe anonymous. Yeah. I don't know, we'll see.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

You can yeah, I I like I I like the question. Yeah. I mean, and it was a response to the prompt for questions, so right.

SPEAKER_03 20:44

They didn't do that. It counts. That same person, this is a good one. They asked, mirror on the ceiling, hot or cliche.

SPEAKER_02 20:54

I don't wanna I don't wanna see nothing.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

You don't? I not on the ceiling. Yeah, not on the ceiling, right? That's what I was thinking. Mirror close by to where you can look if you want, but like if it's on the ceiling, only one person really gets to look at a time. Yeah, and also just like if I walk into a person's bedroom and they have a mirror on the ceiling, I'm calling for help. Yeah, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Yeah, they're screaming. Also, I have maybe an illogical fear of it falling on.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

Oh, that because how are we getting it to stay up?

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Are you using like command strips? Because I that we can't trust that.

SPEAKER_03 21:51

Hot glue to the ceiling, to the popcorn ceiling.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

Oh god, no way that's gonna hold. But um I've I've all said fornicated. What am I thinking?

SPEAKER_05 22:08

I think what I'm paying attention.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

I have populated. I don't know why I'm hello. The word yucky for fucked. I'm a virgin.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

With closet doors that are mirrors. Yeah. You know? And that's been disturbing enough. I'm like, I just don't want to look.

SPEAKER_03 22:36

I don't want to look. I used to hook up with a guy in a hotel room, no reason, and there was a big mirror in the hotel that we would go to, and I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

If I knew I looked good, maybe, but I just don't feel like I do, so I don't want to say it.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

I don't want to I don't want to risk finding out.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

No, me exactly, because what if I it'll kill the moon? I'll be like, we're done. Stop.

SPEAKER_03 23:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

Leave actually.

SPEAKER_03 23:04

First of all, love yourselves. You're both so hot. Second of all, thank you. To be fair, even if you are like, ew, icky, whenever people are having sex, it like lowers like receptors that like makes your dopamine.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

Yeah, it makes your dopamine. Like well, yeah, because they're I go, I mean, everybody goes out with feral when they're having sex.

SPEAKER_03 23:29

But that might be good, like starting exposure.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Like if you are trying to like get more for anybody, that's like hand mirror to this uh gradually make the mirrors bigger.

unknown 23:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:46

You're just doing affirmations while somebody's just plowing into you.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

I am smart. I am so beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 23:56

I am so strong. I'm I am okay. Wait, okay. I'm gonna come. I am coming.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

My god. Which reminds me, I have a picture of it. I saw a car with the vanity plate, I'm coming, the other day. Was it UM M I N? No, that would have been funnier. Yeah, wouldn't but I'm coming.

SPEAKER_03 24:23

Whoa, I'm surprised that was allowed. Barely let like any innuendo in.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

I know. That's so funny. I love it. I'm jealous of it. I wonder if they had to like convince the people at the DMV. No, I mean like coming already.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

I'm coming already. That was quick.

SPEAKER_02 24:52

I haven't even touched you. I would get one that says I've arrived.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:01

I'm arriving. You're gonna have to touch it. I arrived. I rived. Somebody, somebody, I saw like a meme today on the internet that was um like a Kroger uh abbreviated passion fruit, and it looked like it said piss and fart.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

So it's like your bangs did the thing again. It said PSSN F R T Which would be so funny on a license page. No. No, no, I didn't want to. Like what Zoomer was like a bunker.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

I don't know if I've ever told y'all, but I'm excited for whatever you want to say to me.

SPEAKER_03 26:04

It's just the same shit. Some of my favorite fucking like images on the internet are like misspelled foods. Yeah. Food labels and shit. And so that just killed me. I can't think about that. Like the one I say like nut guts for nuggets because there was a label that said chicken nut guts.

SPEAKER_05 26:37

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

There was broccoli, and I think it spelled like broggle or something. Broggle. Girps. Gurbs. Gs. Gurps. G U R P S for grapes. I'm gonna put all of these up as we go.

SPEAKER_02 27:13

Uh Mogno for Mango. Mogno Mogno.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

They're so funny. They're no money. Like I feel like a child when I like laugh at these because they fucking get me soaked.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

I'm gonna I'm gonna read one. Fred Fred Domplance.

SPEAKER_03 27:42

It was right. It was Rainy Bow Springko.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

Right now. Oh many good.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

These are off the top of my like because I've looked at them so often. I'm like, I know these.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

Um this is a this one says it's a bit label on a gumble machine that says a sort gumble.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

A sort gumble is great.

SPEAKER_03 28:17

We're having fun over here. Y'all should look up some misspelled foods names. It's very send them to us because I oh my god, yeah. Just tag us if you see it on Instagram, please. Please tag us. Nuggets is good too.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

Nuggets. Bonky. Bonky, probably.

SPEAKER_03 28:49

Wait, this would be such a fun segment, like telling each other that like. And then having to dress what the hell is. Give me another one.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

I'm crying. Monty is crying. Okay, this one's easy.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

This one's easy. Spinch. Oh, I love spinch. That's kind of what I call spinach.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Spinch. I like this one that's can't can't elope.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

Yeah, can't elope.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

With the apostrophe and can't.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:26

Yeah, here.

SPEAKER_03 29:28

And I love when people try. They did so good. Fresh vaggies. Oh. I know what that is. And I hate that. Fresh veggies. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

After a shower.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

Okay, okay, okay. I'm going on. I'm going on. Let's move on.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

We will go forever. Please, though. Oh my god. If y'all have a lesser known one, yeah, or something that you like if you say it's like. If you saw it yourself or you say it yourself. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

If you've made it up, please.

SPEAKER_03 30:04

We'll turn it into a game for each other.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

Bonky, bonky is hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 30:08

Bonky is my new favorite. Thank you. Bonky.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

Bonky $3.99.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

Okay. Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, one more minute.

SPEAKER_03 30:23

This is all because of piss and fart.

unknown 30:26

Passion fruit.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

T S S N F R D. Passion fruit. Obviously.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

Tell us a giggle for the last eight minutes straight. Here's another question. Okay, alright. This is from the name is Mr. SideQuest. And it says, An old friend and I recently started touching each other's bits again. It's a phenomenal arrangement. No drama, no expectations, just two consenting adults making terrible decisions. She's got other dudes circling, which is fine. I'm not trying to lock her down. I just don't want to lose a starting position. What's the play? Mysterious, consistent, mildly feral. How do I keep the clothes falling off without trying to pull them off?

SPEAKER_02 31:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 31:19

Okay, eloquently put, loved how you found it. Um sounds to me like you're trying to lock her down.

SPEAKER_02 31:27

It does a little bit. It sounds like you guys need to have a top. Not at all. Or you think you're making bad decisions, too. This isn't a bad decision.

SPEAKER_00 31:39

Right. Because if you guys are both cool with it being an open thing, you can lock her down and also continue fucking other people.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

Was that a ghost? I think it was a ghost. Was that a ghost?

SPEAKER_02 31:55

I can't believe that just happened. It was a fly. That was wild.

SPEAKER_03 32:08

That was so scary. I'm so embarrassed. It was I'm gonna I'm gonna have you say ghost real fast.

SPEAKER_02 32:18

Ghost.

SPEAKER_03 32:19

And then I'm just gonna put that in where you said fly. Was that a ghost?

SPEAKER_02 32:24

I can't believe that just happened. It was a ghost.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

Yeah. Ghost.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

Okay. I love that. Um no, I think that this person needs to talk to their part their sexual partner and say, let's at least get maybe have the like, let's get tested regularly if you're gonna.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

Oh, for sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:54

Because you guys can sleep with other people. Just make just do it safe. You don't have to be locked down and polyamorous, and you don't have to be like only sleeping with each other.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

But I think I'm always gonna be one to be like, just fucking be honest and say the shit. Yeah, say just be like, hey, I really enjoy having sex with you. Uh I would like to make sure that continues.

SPEAKER_02 33:22

Right. I mean, if you want if if this person, if your partner if your sexual partner wants to form a roster, first of all, ask her if that's what she these mether men are circling, but is she interested in that? Like, like, why don't you just ask her? Yeah, okay. Um yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 33:40

Like yeah, if you really don't want a date. Yeah, figure out what the other's looking for, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

Right, and also be safe. Just get like have the let's get tested conversation. Y'all condoms we love it. Yeah. Just do that. Yeah. It'll be fine. It'll work out if you talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 34:08

I love no drama, no expectations, just two consenting adults.

SPEAKER_00 34:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

Oh, what's terrible about it? Why is it a terrible decision though? If you guys are both consenting adults, yeah, what's terrible? It's not a terrible decision. Is it terrible because you're catching feelings? Because that would be terrible. That's that's what it would for me. That's a qualifier. If I'm starting to feel like it's bad, or if I not bad, if I'm starting to feel like frightened by it, it's because I'm catching feelings. It's because I'm starting to like want to lock the person down. Yikes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

I feel like we've already become like a therapy group.

SPEAKER_02 35:02

I'm so here for it.

SPEAKER_03 35:05

Um I mean if everybody's yeah, consenting, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 35:10

It doesn't sound bad. Just like being grown up and talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 35:14

Somebody on Instagram has to Why are Pisces like that? That's a good question. You guys first of all, if you mean perfect angels, I have many answers.

SPEAKER_02 35:33

I do have to agree with that about Pisces because I just love a water I just love a water sign and I love a Pisces.

SPEAKER_03 35:40

I love every sign for so many reasons, but Pisces, y'all are so fucking weird. That's so like ethereal.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

They're so unique too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:53

Very um intuitive.

SPEAKER_03 35:57

Yes. Big time. That end of the like zodiac wheel thing.

SPEAKER_02 36:04

Very intuitive, very empathetic, very friend. Um what just one of my very longtime friends just had a baby. She was supposed to be she was supposed to have an uh a C-section on Monday, and she went into labor on her own. Um, pushed that baby out, no drugs, three hours on Friday. She gave birth to a cancer sun, Capricorn Moon, Cancer Rising. Oh I said, oh, our new cult leader for the commune. Oh, our new leader, thank you. I love a water sign. Yay! Yeah, more water signs, please.

SPEAKER_03 36:53

So unfortunately, those placements are giving Jim Jones, so it's not gonna end up. No, no, no, empathetic leader, different kind of cult, different kind of cult. Happy cult.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

As a cancer rising, uh yeah, sorry.

SPEAKER_02 37:12

I uh I know what I'd be about. But maybe maybe the Capricorn moon will balance it out. Yeah, because they are very no very like yes.

SPEAKER_03 37:23

What's happening here though is they have two signs of the mother and one of the father, and that's gonna clash in a weird way. Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 37:35

We'll have to see. She's only been here three days.

SPEAKER_03 37:38

We're gonna see. She's gonna be so cool. Or whoever's gonna be. Don't be Jim Jones.

SPEAKER_02 37:48

You're not allowed near the Kool-Aid, actually. Yeah. No flavor aid. No flavor aid for you.

SPEAKER_03 37:54

No flavor aid. Well, to be fair, he didn't get near the flavor aid either. He just shot himself like a coward.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

So welcome to our Jim Jones podcast. Welcome to Jones. Oh my dear god.

SPEAKER_03 38:07

Hi. Jones casting. Um spooky.

SPEAKER_00 38:13

What a bull.

SPEAKER_03 38:14

Spooky's here, everyone. Show us your beehole. No. Do you want to say hi? You're bad at this. Look at him.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

Why does he sound like Cartman in my head? What advice have I given him? I think you can give him like everyone's a Victorian child.

SPEAKER_03 38:36

Victorian Victorian child. Please. Can you do a Victorian Cartman, please? Oh.

SPEAKER_02 38:44

I don't know. No, I don't think I can. Damn. I don't think I can. They're too diametrically opposed.

SPEAKER_03 38:52

Yeah. Can you just say in a Cartman voice, like, please, sir, can I have some more?

SPEAKER_02 38:58

Please, sir, meh some.

SPEAKER_03 39:03

And that's all I've ever done in my entire life. Thank you. I am fully satisfied. I arrived.

SPEAKER_02 39:12

I've arrived. I'm arri hold on. I'm arriving.

SPEAKER_03 39:20

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Well. I'm arriving. That's my that's the face I make. I've arrived. Wait, and oh there it is.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

And then you just jot something down really fast.

SPEAKER_03 39:35

Yeah. Like a therapist.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

How does that make you feel? Scale of one to ten. How was that? He's so famous.

SPEAKER_03 39:50

He's so famous. Look at you. Oh, you know what?

SPEAKER_02 39:52

This is a good um tried to side lips because for podcasts, podcasts, the song's gonna change every week. Um so oh, I can't open it here. I apologize. I have to look at my phone because it doesn't want to open it.

SPEAKER_03 40:07

Um that's okay. Did you put it on the card?

SPEAKER_02 40:09

So I didn't even know I did. So this is the email. Hello. I just found you three via Instagram reels with the Tism cat biting Kayla's arm. So I watched episode three first. Here is cat. Just kidding. That's a Cayman. And they sent a picture of a Cayman. And it's so but you know what? So cute because Cayman are the cats of the water. Yeah. So um so um they sent actual three pictures of their actual cat. Just so pretty. Yeah. So pretty. Um, I can't remember the gender of this cat, so we're just gonna go with they them. They're gorgeous. They have the prettiest eyeliner I've ever seen. And um, I see this is like a good example of a cat that was probably would have been worshipped um during the time when we were worshipping cats. Ancient times. Ancient. The ancient times.

SPEAKER_03 41:15

A little scarfy.

SPEAKER_02 41:16

That's beautiful eye color.

SPEAKER_00 41:21

The little tufts at the tips of the ears, they're gorgeous.

SPEAKER_03 41:26

Oh my god. We do we peep pee. I like their little smooshed nose. I like when cats have the little smooshy. I know. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 41:34

It's like I mean, they really do have eyeliner. It goes too. They do. Beautiful cat ball. Um and then the the other picture, they're yelling, which I just love a screaming cat.

SPEAKER_00 41:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:47

Yeah. Kayla. I don't have a name for this one. I need your help.

SPEAKER_00 41:53

I feel like it's like like Jingleberry the adventurer. Something about the scarf is giving like Kate headed out.

SPEAKER_03 42:07

You're right. Like Sam wise. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 42:10

I was gonna say Hobbit.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

I was gonna say it is.

SPEAKER_03 42:12

Pretty Hobbity. Damn, see, I said my head said that's Leslie. So much better.

SPEAKER_00 42:18

Leslie. Okay. Leslie. Okay. Leslie's good too.

SPEAKER_03 42:21

Leslie the Brave. Um Leslie the Brave. What'd you call him? Jingleberry?

SPEAKER_02 42:28

Jingleberry. Yeah. Not to be confused with Dingleberry.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

No, Jingleberry is in the front. That's his cousin. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 42:40

Leslie Dringberry. Cousin Dingleberry. Cousin Dingleberry. That's my cousin. Dingleberry was my father. I'm your Dingleberry, and I think you're gonna be a Jingleberry.

SPEAKER_00 43:00

How how many how many brain cells does this baby have, though?

SPEAKER_02 43:04

I would say at least seven because they do look like an adventurer.

SPEAKER_03 43:08

Here's the thing. The last photo where their eyes are going due to different directions. I'm taking off three brain cells for that. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

We're down to four. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 43:22

Now how okay. The second picture as well. Eyes are kind of use both your eyes. I wish I could have it. Okay. They've got as many brain cells as they have eyes. Two!

SPEAKER_00 43:38

Two brain cells. But so much heart.

SPEAKER_03 43:42

Oh yeah. Oh. Like a like a Mary and Pippen.

unknown 43:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:47

Maybe more than a Xamweiser photo. That's definitely Mary or Pip for sure. Yeah.

unknown 43:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

I love this cat. Name reveal? Please. Okay. And he Is a boy and his name is Hercules. But the reason why his name was Hercules is because this person says the teenage Disney character, because he's a big strong cat, but also an absolute idiot.

SPEAKER_01 44:15

So you were right.

SPEAKER_02 44:18

Oh, I'm gonna get good at this.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

The more practice I get.

SPEAKER_02 44:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We love Hercules. He's gorgeous. He's admiring beautiful. He's beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you for sending me.

SPEAKER_03 44:32

I love him. You're getting it. Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 44:34

He's so beautiful, and I love him.

SPEAKER_03 44:37

And I like his um uncrossed eyes.

SPEAKER_02 44:41

Yeah. He's kind of giving like maybe like not always been a cat. That's yeah. Like he's a little, he's a little uncursed. Unlike not of this world, like a little alien. Yeah. Doesn't he kind of give like the eye shape? Yes. Yeah. If I actually don't look into his eyes too much. Actually, I just did that for too long and it kind of freaked me out a little bit. It kind of scared me a little bit. Interesting.

SPEAKER_03 45:11

Yeah. Okay. There is a little evil in there.

SPEAKER_02 45:14

There's something. There's something dark in there.

SPEAKER_03 45:17

Oh my god. I see it now. Okay, I'm giving him one extra brain cell. Three.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

I was gonna say, yeah. Three is a beautiful number.

SPEAKER_03 45:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:25

I am um I am uh three quarters of the way through, I'm reading uh uh Hello, Dungeon Carl, crawl hello dungeon crawler carl. That's a mouthful. Okay, um and they are it's it's so good, but his um sidekick is Princess Donut, his ex-girlfriend's cat. And she is insanely smart, she's stronger than him and smarter than him, and my favorite part of the whole book.

SPEAKER_03 45:56

So cute. There's like nine of those, right? Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_02 46:01

I think eight eight or nine of those.

SPEAKER_00 46:02

And a new one just came out, too.

SPEAKER_02 46:04

Yeah, I'm listening on audiobook, and it's a lot of fun. Cool. I've heard the audio. Very good. Love Princess Donut.

SPEAKER_03 46:14

Y'all want to clean up the house? Yeah, let's do it. We we did it. We did it. We did it. We did the damn thing. We were horny, we were sweetie, and funny. I think we were funny once or twice or seven areas.

SPEAKER_02 46:30

Yeah, I smeared my I smeared my makeup from Cry.

SPEAKER_03 46:34

Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right. From laugh as well because I said six minutes straight. Don't don't start. Don't get me going.

SPEAKER_00 46:49

I did also see scarbled eggs. I love scarmeled eggs with two M's.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

Oh, scrambled eggs. Scrambled eggs.

SPEAKER_02 46:56

Scrambled eggs, two M's. Oh I love it. Some of it, it's really endearing because you know, some of it's probably like uh not first language. And that is that warms my heart. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

That's why I was like, I love they did so good. And it's also making me laugh so hard things.

SPEAKER_02 47:20

Anybody that says a word wrong, I'm we say it all the time. We do it in text and we do it when we're talking. We say words wrong all the time, and it's so funny.

SPEAKER_03 47:27

I would hope, because I'm trying to learn Greek. I would hope whenever I kind of know Greek and I'm writing shit down, I fuck it up, Greek people laugh their fucking asses off. Please. Yes. Please know I'm doing my best. Um clean it up.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

Okay, well thank you for listening to another episode. This is what episode nine? Holy shit, really?

SPEAKER_03 48:00

Crazy!

SPEAKER_00 48:02

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 48:03

We'll celebrate for 10 next week.

SPEAKER_00 48:05

Okay. Um you can find it to the funny numbers.

SPEAKER_01 48:10

I know. Like what? 69?

SPEAKER_03 48:15

Like 69 will be the first one, probably. And then while we wait till 420. Yeah, in seven years.

SPEAKER_02 48:24

I guess 89. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 48:28

Uh maybe they will invent more funny numbers before then.

SPEAKER_02 48:32

Yeah. We could 21 and 84. Oh, yeah. Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 48:38

Then we'll get to 1919. If we get to 1,919 episodes, we're that's crazy. Yeah. Close to dying. Probably. Better be making.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

All on our deathbeds. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:52

Fucking real. We'll pay our editor. We'll have Hudson and Connor on the pod.

SPEAKER_00 48:58

Oh god. And by then I'll be okay with it and comfortable and fine. 70 years old. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:05

And they won't be famous anymore.

SPEAKER_02 49:08

Right. Um, yeah, so you can find us on our Instagram, our um little link tree, uh, on your knees pod, everywhere. Gmail, all of that. Thank you for listening. This is so fun all the time.

SPEAKER_03 49:23

All the time. I have so much fun with y'all. I want to thank GWiz for our theme song. They're a music producer and DJ. And you can find more of their stuff on GWizoftestars.com. G W I ZoftheStars.com. You can sample that and put in your next song if you want, G Wiz.

SPEAKER_00 49:48

Excuse me. Thank you guys for listening. Um we'll be back probably next Monday. I believe. We're trying. We'll be back. Listen.

SPEAKER_02 50:01

Two and early.

SPEAKER_03 50:02

Okay, listen. It was Pride Weekend. No, you're fine. This isn't to you, this is to them. I know, but it was Pride Weekend, and I was being queer. Doing other things. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 50:19

And fornicating.

SPEAKER_03 50:22

No. Actually. Just making out.

SPEAKER_00 50:31

Just first base.

SPEAKER_03 50:34

Just second base.

SPEAKER_00 50:40

Yeah. Anyway, we'll be back on Monday. Um, you can find where we are streaming on our Buzz Sprout, um, and in our Link Tree, in all of our bios, on all of the things. Um please send us cat pictures. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 51:06

Come a little close to the mic. Come here, baby. Are you helping? Please send us to the cell. Tell them to follow us.

SPEAKER_00 51:15

Please send us um the weird shit that people say to you on dating apps. Um food names of misspelled food names. Oh, they're so funny.

SPEAKER_03 51:27

But I really do. I want more unhinged. For real. Send it. Like, even okay, listen, if you're a person and you're like, I fucked up and I sent a stupid opening line. Send it. We'll laugh with you. And that you'll be anonymous.

SPEAKER_02 51:40

But with you. Yeah, we'll be respectful of whether or not you want to be anonymous or not.

SPEAKER_03 51:46

I mean, if you don't send it, don't. But if you send it, you're gonna fucking get it.

SPEAKER_02 51:51

Oh yeah. We just won't we just won't use your government name and we'll make a name up for you.

SPEAKER_00 51:57

Yeah, we will Dingus Dingleberry.

SPEAKER_02 52:00

Dingleberry! Grandpa No! Dingleberry, grandfather.