S1E6 On the Importance of Head Protection

In this episode, our unflappable crew mercilessly beats a helpless man over and over again. A cowboy makes the ultimate sacrifice.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

I'm thinking of having an entire section in my class on Chaos Muppets versus Order Muppets.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Oh, yes. I I remember uh you talked about that.

SPEAKER_05 0:15

Animal versus Fozzie or Well so Yeah, so animal for sure chaos muppet, right?

SPEAKER_04 0:22

Oh yeah, like the the leader of them.

SPEAKER_05 0:24

Yeah, Gonzo Chaos Muppet. Yeah. Uh Permit Order Muppet.

SPEAKER_04 0:28

Yep. Yep. Bert, Order, Ernie, Chaos. Yep. Big Bird Order. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:35

Uh Swedish Chef, Chaos, I would contend.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

He does throw a lot of things around a kitchen that no actual chef would ever do.

SPEAKER_05 0:43

Like, he's he has a he has he's out of control. He he lacks control completely. Right? The episode where he sees Big Bird. It's a Thanksgiving like crossover, and he sees Big Bird and he goes nuts. It's hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

I need someone to put the Swedish chef in with Gordon Ramsey. I didn't realize I needed that in my life until just now. Ugh, that would be great.

SPEAKER_04 1:15

Oh, I need it. Well, does anybody have any more questions or anything before we get started?

SPEAKER_07 1:22

Good.

SPEAKER_06 1:23

All right. Then I believe we would hear the music. Welcome to this week's episode of Colossus of the Crux, a Never Fear campaign presented by The Witch He March. Ivy and your GM, and joining me around the table are.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Hi, I'm Breedren, and I play Glitch, the ship's mechanic.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Hi, I'm Audra, and I play Tabitha, the ship's quartermaster.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

I'm Garrett.

SPEAKER_05 2:30

Play Tegan St. James, the ship's pilot. Hey, I'm Eugene. I play Qualo, the ship's uh science officer. And I like my eggs scrambled when they're inside the chicken.

SPEAKER_04 2:42

That is the nastiest thing I've heard this. The whole time I've known you.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Listeners can't see it, but the the eyebrow raise on that one was real.

SPEAKER_06 2:52

Yeah. Gaming for five years, I think, and that I've heard stuff that made me like, oh, I don't know if I can play this guy again. And like that was easily.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

That was it. That was the watershed moment.

SPEAKER_04 3:06

Yeah, I'd have to shake the chills out. Um cool. The next episode we'll have a new science officer. Quelo? Yeah. It's just Audrey talking at a lower register for the other character.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

But I try to go low, I just sound like Yoda. I can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Even better. Are you kidding me? We're done. Decided.

SPEAKER_04 3:36

Yeah, now now Qualo has a long-lost sibling named Quilo. Gonna pop up. Alright. So last episode, uh, there was a big fire. Uh, I don't know if you guys recall, Qualo almost died knocking up on the plan over. Glitch burned her hand on a doorknob.

SPEAKER_06 3:54

You guys saved a couple of uh confused oaths. The golden-eyed woman teleported away, said that there uh should be no survivors, and as you guys, when you walked away from the mansion, it was engulfed in Inferno. So you all know that some authority is going to come to put out the mansion sooner rather than later.

SPEAKER_04 4:12

Where would you have gone to hide out?

SPEAKER_05 4:14

Um I mean, is there a reason we wouldn't go back to the ship? You can go back to the ship.

SPEAKER_04 4:20

Well, we were we were being asked to follow Al, which I think we now have Al unconscious. He was one of the two. Right. Yes. Uh I rifle through their pockets now that we have time to do it.

SPEAKER_05 4:35

I don't know if they're like hacking up along with all the smoke up in hill and we're gonna do that. He's like, oh shine. Definitely get a bunch of blood on them, but I'm carefully searching their pockets.

SPEAKER_04 4:45

Okay. Well, let's have you guys get to the ship first. Uh I w I was gonna recommend that we take him to Clamp Weasels, since he wanted us to watch this guy and uh we can like you know, watch him sleep.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

That didn't sound creepy at all. Wondering how clampweasel takes this.

SPEAKER_05 5:02

Can we just leave the second guy?

SPEAKER_04 5:03

Leave the second guy like at Clamp Weasels or at the ship?

SPEAKER_05 5:06

No, just in the street in front of the fire. Okay. I mean we don't need him, do we?

SPEAKER_04 5:10

Yeah, I guess we don't, but we're gonna talk these guys halfway across town anyway, so might as well talk to them. Actually, could we get like a a rickshaw?

SPEAKER_06 5:17

So you you know, you walk a little ways away from the the richer area of town to a place where you can like hail one down. And definitely like there's a smoke in the background, and you guys all look beat to shit, you're carrying two unotis bodies.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

You hail a rickshaw driver, and you're like, uh yeah, that's gonna be two handfuls of gold.

SPEAKER_04 5:36

Looking you guys over. I'll pay one. Yeah, I'll I'll throw toss the other one on. Cool. So they don't ask any more questions. You guys going to the ship or clampweasels? Uh glitch, how do you think Glampweasel would feel if we showed up with these two? You know 'em better than most.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

On one hand, he did ask us to spy on Alan Wrench. On the other, he's gonna be flux and pissed off. But as much as I want to get off this rock right now, I think uh I think taking them to Glamp Weasels is our actual only choice.

SPEAKER_04 6:13

And I'll tell the brickshaw drivers to take us to our drop-off point to where we have to huck across the garbage mountains to glampweasels. Okay. She shouts Kia! Uh as she starts to run.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

She kias herself.

SPEAKER_04 6:27

Yeah. Well, who else is gonna do it? Alright, so uh she takes you guys clampweasels and you guys make it to the uh salvage ring where Glampweasel's shop is. And when the rickshaw driver goes to let you out, you can see that Glampweasel's shop is in disarray. Like the front door of the shop is not just like open, but also like off its hinges, and the uh light is out on the sign. That's less good. Uh well why don't one of you guys take a look real quick and I'll I'll stay here and watch these two Yahoos and uh I tie them up with the lasso and if there's anything to blindfold them with, I'll do that too. Just in case they come too. One of them definitely does start uh Alan starts giving like a head! And he's got like a um scooter like scuff mark across his face.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

It's a brand like a brand imprint.

SPEAKER_04 7:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:27

So can I just hit him over the head with my stick and knock him out?

SPEAKER_04 7:31

Re-knock them out? Sure.

SPEAKER_05 7:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 7:34

Uh my head, and then he gets clocked again.

SPEAKER_05 7:38

Hey Tabby, why don't you go in?

SPEAKER_02 7:40

Okay. I head inside. Ooh.

SPEAKER_04 7:45

You head inside.

SPEAKER_06 7:46

And uh it looks like this place was tossed. I mean, it was never tidy in here, right? It was always like a hoarder's paradise, piles of stuff, but it looks like they've been knocked down. Um, the bicycle that Clank Weasel typically uh sits on to operate the shop is on its side, and the piece of equipment that he had set up to repair, the transponder, I know it's been several episodes, but if you all remember, you came here to get a piece of equipment repaired to find out what the big deal of about it was why it was being uh sold for such a big amount. That piece of equipment is knocked over, and the transponder is nowhere to be found.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

Uh quiet weasel, you hear?

SPEAKER_06 8:25

Can I get an instinct reactional?

SPEAKER_02 8:29

It can't be a strength reactional.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

I sense with my strength. You're like, why couldn't someone just fall on top of me?

SPEAKER_04 8:42

It's a f it's a five with a uh the place wreaks of alcohol and oil, yeah, various solvents, but otherwise is dead.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

Oh well, there's nobody here. Then I come back out.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Uh I'm I'm in the middle of a discussion with Walo about concussions and multiple like traumatic brain injuries.

SPEAKER_03 9:04

Uh I walk up to them and uh while they're discussing brain injuries, I'm just like, yeah, there's nobody here, and that uh that box thing is gone.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

Oh well that's not good. What's also not good is repeatedly hitting somebody in the head and causing excessive traumatic brain injuries.

SPEAKER_05 9:22

I I'm pretty sure there's like a minimum threshold that their IQ can't go below.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

I'm confident I'm trying to find to see if there's like old school leather football helmets I can put on them. Gabby, you said there's no like they're lamp was laying in there, and does it look like you just stepped out or I mean the whole place looks like it's been rummaged through.

SPEAKER_02 9:42

Um I didn't see anybody.

SPEAKER_04 9:44

Uh uh. Alright. Uh okay, guys. I have a plan. Oh. Okay. Yeah, I turn around to look. Is it involving hitting more people in the head? I mean, it didn't.

SPEAKER_05 10:01

I I I'm open to suggestions. Uh no. So I look at uh uh Glitch and Tegan, uh I'm assuming there's no way to track the transponder.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

I look at Gualo, but then then at Glitch.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

If we'd put a tracking device on it there would be, but we didn't do that because we thought it was safe with you know this guy.

SPEAKER_05 10:24

No, it's a cell. Um, okay. So I can make myself look like the golden eyed woman, and then I might be able to trick these guys into telling me what the plan is. We just need to find a room where they can wake up in quote unquote safety after I quote unquote rescued them. Alright.

SPEAKER_04 10:42

Um if we find like just take 'em a roach motel?

SPEAKER_01 10:48

I mean, okay.

SPEAKER_04 10:52

So you all drag the the two guys into glampweasels. Glitch, you've been kind of quiet. What's going through Glitch's mind right now?

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Glitch is still observing the chaos of the shop, partially to see if there's any clue where Lamp Weasel might have been taken or what might have been taken, but at the same time she's also looking for anything that she might want to pocket.

unknown 11:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 11:16

Are you looking to make an in-syncle? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Yeah, she is.

SPEAKER_04 11:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Uh, and she's gonna go ahead and use her mechanics instinct experience to uh add plus two to that. Got a seven with hope. Seven with hope.

SPEAKER_04 11:37

Well, get the hope.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

That is she is quite a quite mechanics instinct there. Really working for her.

SPEAKER_04 11:46

Like Tabitha before you uh you Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Hey man, I've inhaled a lot of smoke tonight.

SPEAKER_05 11:56

So we're gonna find a a back room or a side room um that maybe hasn't been tossed, hopefully. Um we're gonna put the two uh trolls there. Trolls or orcs?

SPEAKER_04 12:10

One of them is a giant and the other one is an orc.

SPEAKER_05 12:14

Okay. So we're gonna put the two of them there. Um whichever one isn't Alan Wrench, I'm gonna make sure that they are definitely passed out by uh hitting them again.

unknown 12:25

Damn it!

SPEAKER_02 12:26

He's gonna be dead at this point.

SPEAKER_05 12:29

Uh non-lethal.

SPEAKER_04 12:31

Point of point of clarification. Uh they were introduced to you as Alan uh Alan and Wrench. So one of them is named Alan and the other one is named Wrench. A bartender told you that Alan uh is a felion.

SPEAKER_05 12:45

Right. So Wrench uh gets hit again, and then uh they both get untied and laid laid down, you know, carefully as if you were laying down your own allies. Um and then I use uncanny disguise, which lets me mark a stress and duplicate on the face the facade of any humanoid you can picture clearly, and I picture the golden eyed woman.

unknown 13:14

Cool.

SPEAKER_05 13:15

So when I'm the golden eyed woman, I uh I turn on my comms and I don't think we've described my comms. My comms are my jewelry, so the rings and uh my earrings are the actual comms, and so like they're bone conduction comms and stuff like that. So I turn them on so that the people in uh my team in the other in the other room can hear what I'm saying and come to my rescue if need be. And then I slap Alan I gent I uh sorry, I lovingly turn to the rest then to the rest of the group and I'm like, uh I don't think he's a real doctor. I I I lovingly tap Alan awake.

SPEAKER_04 13:57

He's looking around uh and his eyes slowly adjust when they You mean I? His eye slowly adjusts Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 14:08

Uh I thought gain a hope for the speaking of which, uh everyone gain a hope.

SPEAKER_04 14:17

Oh yeah, your ability. That's right. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 14:20

I am a luckbringer.

SPEAKER_04 14:24

So uh he opens his eye and you know, like as the light adjusts and he sees you know your two large golden eyes, he's you know clearly very beat up. He will make every effort to uh get into a low bow, like forehead pressed against the ground, and he's going to say, Madam, I'm unworthy, I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_05 14:46

So I'm sitting in the only chair in the room and just nonchalantly look at him and says, Not half as sorry as you will be if we don't complete our mission. Now, I have to save your sorry asses after that fiasco. And before we go any further, I need to make sure that you know what the plan is. So collect what little passes for wits within that skull of yours and tell me the plan.

SPEAKER_04 15:14

So when when you say that fiasco, um you can see that his eye, while you know, face down, is is moving around like his brow is pro, like he's frantically trying to figure out what you're talking about. Like he wants to know so he can answer you, but he genuinely is like completely lost.

SPEAKER_05 15:34

Are you telling me that y you really don't think your inability to dispense with that ragtag crew of nobodies was anything other than a fiasco? I would think you would be smart enough to at least recognize that as the failure that it is. Not to mention that I had to come back for you.

SPEAKER_04 15:52

If this is a if this is some kind of test, uh I've failed.

SPEAKER_06 15:56

Would you like me to take my own life? I'm I am so sorry. I prostrate myself before you.

SPEAKER_05 16:01

Tell me the plan. I want to make sure that your brains aren't entirely scrambled.

SPEAKER_04 16:07

I don't know it's I don't know any I don't know any plan. I I I mean, we are going to free the Colossus. Is this about I do I have some part to play in freeing the Colossus? I'll do anything. I'm your instrument. Use me how you wish.

SPEAKER_05 16:24

I look at him and I say punch wrench.

SPEAKER_06 16:28

He immediately does. He just he gets up and without any hesitation, and yo, Wrench is unconscious. You know, lag out there, slap job, and he just wallops the shit out of him.

SPEAKER_05 16:39

Now, tell me everything you've done in the last 48 hours. Don't leave anything out.

SPEAKER_04 16:44

Okay. I'm not gonna do this in character because he's going to give excruciating detail. Um, but it will become very clear to you very early on in his description that what he's describing is going to have taken place at the city of the crux.

SPEAKER_06 17:01

So he's like describing locations and events that will only have happened at the city of the crux.

SPEAKER_04 17:07

Uh and he's going to talk about having worked uh in their underground temple, the shrine of the lost colossus.

SPEAKER_05 17:14

Does he give me enough information for me to know where that temple is?

SPEAKER_04 17:18

No, he doesn't.

SPEAKER_05 17:20

Hmm. Stay here. I need a drink. I get up and I leave the room.

SPEAKER_04 17:24

He he prostrates himself again, face pressed to before.

SPEAKER_05 17:28

Alright, I close the door behind me. Okay, what do you guys think? I'm pretty sure Wrench's gonna at least have short-term memory loss, like at the at a minimum. Okay, that's that's perfect because he won't remember us. Is it is it perfect? It's the perfect plan. You get in, you steal stuff, and you give them short-term memory loss. Man, I like the way you think, Deegan.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

The only problem here is we didn't steal anything. Yep. Maybe we can have him meet us back, meet you back at this uh palace cathedral shrine, whatever he's talking about, and we can follow him there.

SPEAKER_05 18:12

Okay, that sounds good to me. Any other things?

SPEAKER_01 18:14

I think that's pretty good. I mean, if they've gotten a transponder and that's what we're after, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 18:18

Okay. Jim, can I find a bottle of alcohol that little man had left behind?

SPEAKER_04 18:24

You are spoiled for choices when it comes to bottles of alcohol.

SPEAKER_05 18:27

I get something truly vile. Okay. Uh, and something pretty good. And I walk in, sipping the pretty good thing, close the door, sit down. Alan, I give him the vile bottle, I say, I'm gonna give you two orders, and I want you to say nothing else. You're gonna chug this, and then you're gonna pick up wrench, you're gonna go outside, and you're gonna go back to the temple. I'll meet you there when the time is appropriate.

SPEAKER_04 18:50

Uh whenever it seems like there, you know, there's a lull in the conversation and you know it's it's appropriate for him to act, he will immediately take the bottle. Which do you offer it to him with your hands or do you set it on the ground?

SPEAKER_05 19:01

Oh yeah, no, I don't offer it to him with my hands. That seems like a thing I she definitely wouldn't do. Um I I what? Yeah, I just on the ground. Sure.

SPEAKER_04 19:10

Okay. So he's going to take it with shaky hands, and he is going to uh whisper thank you to you, and a tear wells up in his large eye. His large, very bloodshot eye.

SPEAKER_06 19:24

Uh his pupil, by the way, super dilated, like almost like he's been hit in the head too many times.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

And uh he's Huh, how could that have happened?

SPEAKER_06 19:33

Uh yeah, and and you know, while he's concussed, it's probably ill-advised for him to drink any alcohol, certainly as much as he's about to hide. But uh, you know, hey, none of us are doctors. So he's going to he's gonna chug, again, with with a tear of uh unmitigated ecstasy, uh, and chug it, and then grab the dude, and then bow to you one more time, trying not to verbalize the things like he wants to say something, but you told him he can't. And so he's just mouthing over and over again, thank you, madam, thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_04 20:04

And then he throws the dude over his shoulder and he's just hoofing it as fast as a man who's deeply, deeply concussed can go. Um, yeah, and then he's off.

SPEAKER_05 20:14

Okay. I will follow. Oh, so um, I'm sorry. You never got a chance to tell me if I found anything interesting in their pockets.

SPEAKER_04 20:21

Um you would have found uh money, so if somebody wants to roll me a 2v4. So three handfuls of gold. I'll take one. You wouldn't found a uh slip for uh docking pass at the docks. And what's another thing that would have been found in these hinge guys' pockets? Anybody think of anything interesting?

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Big bag of candy. A big bag of candy. Big bag of candy.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Half of a poorly written love poem.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Dear socket.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

Oh, glitch love.

SPEAKER_04 20:54

Oh my Allspice candy.

SPEAKER_06 20:57

I don't know if you guys remember that shit. They don't make it anymore for some reason, even though it's the most delicious candy.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

The what? Allspice candy.

SPEAKER_06 21:05

Hey, listeners, if you have a chance, find Allspice Candy.

SPEAKER_04 21:08

It is so good. Don't trust him.

SPEAKER_05 21:11

He likes licorice. Don't don't trust that. So uh a bag of candy for Glitch and handfuls of gold for the rest of us.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

Uh I I would appreciate a handful of gold because I am broke after that uh after that rickshaw drive.

SPEAKER_04 21:26

I I will also say I'm gonna do I I shouldn't have done this. Um I'm I'm a bad GM. Glitch, can you roll me three D twelve?

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Uh Oh, twenty-eight with hope. Except is that a reaction rule?

SPEAKER_04 21:40

It is neither of those things. Um Wow, Damn. In that pile of trash when you would search, you hadn't found anything on your initial pass through, but on your way back out, a glint of something catches your eye. Everything in here is like dingy and you know, covered in soot or whatever else. Uh but you see something s like sparkle and you pick it up, it's a ring of silence. Oh Yeah, I know. That's a nice unusually good item that you randomly hold.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Alright. We're pocketing that right now.

SPEAKER_04 22:11

Alright, um as we follow the guys. I will uh split off from the rest of the group and go prep the Ryzen. Who who is the last one to walk out of Lamp Weasels?

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Uh probably Tegan.

SPEAKER_04 22:25

Okay. Tegan, as you go to walk out, uh something catches your eye, movement in one of the corners of the room, upper corner for the ceiling.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

Okay. So uh as I'm gonna be like the last one out, I'm gonna like foe leave for half a second, and then I'm gonna jump up in the rafters.

SPEAKER_04 22:44

Ha ha Okay. Um you uh see some skittering and hear some chirping, and you know that chirping to be gremlins.

SPEAKER_06 22:55

They're gonna try to hide, but you know, they're gonna try to like jump rafter to rafter, but you spook them such that like one of them is gonna miss the rafter and like smack into it and then fall down into the garbage below, and then it's like scrambling trying to get away, and you hear them uh there's two of them making like chirping noises.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

Uh how how how intelligent are are Gremlins?

SPEAKER_04 23:16

Uh they're uh I would say that people liken them to be about as intelligent as rats.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

Oh, okay, okay. So I couldn't like question one and be like, where do you get your hair cut?

SPEAKER_04 23:26

Um, well that's so there is a there are a lot of like folk legends, uh Imperian legends about them being more intelligent than they let on. Uh especially because they do things like style each other's hair in such fancy ways.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Okay, I'll try to like jump tackle the scared one.

SPEAKER_04 23:44

Like I fall out of the rafters and try to jump tackle it. Okay. It's going to try to bite you. Hey, don't bite me! Ooh, you're gonna it's gonna bite you for one damage on your hands.

unknown 23:56

Ow!

SPEAKER_04 23:56

You little bastard! Quit it! Uh, but you've got it. Uh I want to lift it up like by the the legs or whatever. And uh Listen. Uh I know you're smarter than you let on.

SPEAKER_01 24:08

Ain't nobody get the uh a quaw do like that without being smart. Shit, you tell me who was in here. What they did with that like orb thing that was in that little mini fridge.

SPEAKER_04 24:17

Okay. So some things you notice as soon as you pick this thing up, this gremlin is fat.

SPEAKER_06 24:23

Like he is a he is the chunkiest Gremlin you have ever seen. Yeah, you have probably haven't seen a ton of him up close, but this one is like just a tubby motherfucker.

SPEAKER_04 24:32

Like you can see his belly button.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Okay. So I shake him again, I'm like, listen here, Mr. Thickams. You're gonna tell me what you know.

SPEAKER_04 24:40

Hey, and before I let you answer, or before I have him attempt to answer your questions, uh, can you describe to us which haircut he has?

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Oh man, uh do you rem it's a uh you remember Rockadoodle do?

SPEAKER_04 24:53

The pompador?

SPEAKER_01 24:55

Yeah, the pompadour with like the big puff up front.

SPEAKER_04 24:58

Okay, it's one of those. Oh my god, it into what did you follow? Did you want to tabletop the hairdo?

SPEAKER_05 25:09

I am so mad at myself for not having to. I could have asked when I I sh when I was asked interrogating Alan Wrench, I should have asked him to tell me what my name was.

SPEAKER_04 25:19

Oh, you didn't do that.

SPEAKER_05 25:21

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_06 25:24

And not only that, but it actually probably would have yielded something crazy interesting that's like super important to the whole thing that's going on.

SPEAKER_04 25:33

Super important missed it. Oh, damn it. Oh, it's gonna be so good.

SPEAKER_05 25:39

Anyway, uh Well, I still look like her, so maybe the opportunity will come up again.

SPEAKER_04 25:44

Yeah, maybe. Okay, so uh yeah, you you shake this fat pompador having chihuahua with human hands on its uh for its boss, and you're like, you know, what did you ask it?

SPEAKER_01 25:57

Uh I asked uh uh who who tossed the place and what happened to the little you know thing that was getting fixed in the the mini fridge.

SPEAKER_04 26:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

I don't know what the actual device is that he was using to like fix this thing, so Okay.

SPEAKER_04 26:09

Give me uh give me a presence check.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

Okay. I really wish I had an experience that would help with this, but don't. So I don't know what exact present you know thing would help with. I if it squeaks Yeah, if it's if it squeaks, it will speak.

SPEAKER_04 26:23

Thirteen with Nice. Okay, cool. Uh get that. Oh so you're you're you're shaking it, and you know, it bit you and it's very obvious that you're in a standoff. But it's gonna push its paws against you to la in a way to like imply like stop shaking me. Okay. I'll I'll stop for a moment and be like, alright, alright. Uh it's gonna chitter like a and it's going to motion at its face, uh, with its tiny human hand, and go, qua! At itself. And then it's gonna point to a rafter, uh, and go bit.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

What is it trying to gesture to me? That it wants me to go up in the rafters?

SPEAKER_04 27:10

No, it's pointing to itself and then saying something. And then pointing up into the rafters where you know there's another gremlin and and saying a different thing. And then pointing to itself and then saying the first thing it said when it pointed to itself, and then pointing up into the rafters and making a different noise for the thing that it's pointing up in the rafters for.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Okay, I will jump back up in the rafters, and I do a really cool, like, one-armed pull-up.

SPEAKER_04 27:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

I can never do that in real life, so I might as well live through my cariously through my, you know, cowboy. Uh pull myself up into the rafters and like hold him out so to see if he's still like chittering and pointing, and then use that as a like a dowsing rod.

SPEAKER_04 27:51

He is. And there's a so the other gripplin is also super fat. Uh what does this other one's hair do?

SPEAKER_01 27:58

Oh man, uh gotta be like a spiky mohawk.

SPEAKER_04 28:03

Okay. Like straight eighties punk style. Okay. So three foot tall not three foot tall, these things aren't that big. Uh you know, eight eight inches tall mohawk coming off this thing. And it's like pressed into the corner, like terrified of you. And you see the gremline is gonna the one you're holding is gonna motion for the one that's in the the corner to come out, using what look like very uh not human, but intelligent creature with the hand motions to direct its movements. Knew it. And the one that's pressed into the corner is going to like stoop forward a little bit, and then he's gonna point it again and say like to you a series of chirps that he's been saying whenever he motions to it. Alright, uh friend of Mr. Thickham's here. Can you tell me where the uh the item that was in that little mini fridge went? Uh, they're gonna chitter back and forth to each other. The one hidden in the corner seems to uh be you think it under presence wall, so you're getting the the feeling that the one who's pressing the corner is trying to caution that they should not be helping you, right? They should go hide. But the one that's being held uh is gesturing like, you know, this guy is our only shot.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

To help uh grease the wheels of commerce here as we're doing this exchange, I will pull some food out of my pack.

SPEAKER_04 29:23

Okay. What kind of food?

SPEAKER_01 29:25

Uh it's definitely gonna be like uh corn cakes or something like that. So I've got like a bandana wrapped up with some some vitals, you know, for emergencies. And I'll bust out my uh my my vegan's famous corn cakes.

SPEAKER_04 29:38

Uh they in no way interact with those.

SPEAKER_01 29:41

Ooh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 29:42

They they don't even acknowledge that you pull them out.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

Ooh.

SPEAKER_04 29:45

Because they don't eat?

SPEAKER_01 29:46

I I know. They like they like technology. Uh I give a real heavy sigh. Pull the scooter off my back.

SPEAKER_07 29:54

Oh no!

SPEAKER_04 29:58

Uh, you offer them the scooter? Yep. Alright. They are going to uh hop on it like it owes them money.

SPEAKER_06 30:06

They're just going to shred this thing. Bits of uh Scoop brand scooter just go in every direction as they uh making like little gips as they do their hair styles like flopping back and forth.

SPEAKER_04 30:20

And then they give little burps when they're done.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

I'll eat a corn cake.

SPEAKER_04 30:26

Watch them devour your scooter.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

Single tear sliding down.

SPEAKER_04 30:30

Single tear I'll see you on the other side. Tonight you scootin Valhalla. So stupid. Um yes. So the the hesitant one uh will um gesture, and they're both pointing at the the machine, the knitting machine that was recreating the transponder. And then they'll point outside and they will if you let them, they will start to sniff the air and scamper like they are attracting something.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

Okay. Uh I'll follow and I'll get on the comms real quick and be like guys, I think I gotta lean on the transponder. Don't ask me how. I'm kind of ashamed of it.

SPEAKER_05 31:16

Okay. Which one of you wants to go with him? I'll follow Alan.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

At this point, Glitch is wondering what is taking Tegan so long and has already wandered back in looking for him.

SPEAKER_05 31:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:29

Oh, hey, Glitch, come here.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

Uh I so I I'm gonna tell you this, and I absolutely need uh uh confidence that you will not judge me.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

I can give you no such no such alright.

SPEAKER_01 31:42

Well, uh I'm gonna live dangerously.

SPEAKER_04 31:44

So uh I I found some uh some gremlins uh in Glamp Weasel shop. I don't know what they're doing, but they're they are the fattest gremlins I've ever seen. And uh I've always heard that they were like that they they led on that they're that they're not really intelligent, but I always thought they spoke their own secret gremlin language.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

So I I I I I threw cautioned the win, and then I threw my scooter at them and they ate it, and they they now think I'm a friend of some kind, and uh they're they're gonna try to lead us to the transponder, I'm hoping.

SPEAKER_04 32:10

But it's the best I got.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

Yeah, Tegan, I really admire the confidence you have to be wrong, but this is way too entertaining. Sure. Lead on.

SPEAKER_06 32:22

When Glitch had walked up, they had jumped into a pile of trash to hide.

SPEAKER_04 32:26

And you see they're like out of the out of the darkness between like, you know, hunks of garbage, you can see the like reflections of their eyes. Tegan, watching you, waiting for like, you know, approval, like, should we keep going?

unknown 32:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

I uh I like you know, stoop down and like, alright, it's okay with those.

SPEAKER_06 32:43

You're gonna hear a light chirping, and then uh then they'll they'll continue to burrow through garbage, and you can follow them because you see the occasional piece of trash like swinging out from their path. Okay. Like a mole burrow, you know, like a little path that it makes in the earth as it pushes up, like you see trash is kind of like getting pushed around, and you have to follow the like of garbage as they burrow through it.

SPEAKER_04 33:06

Sounds good. Okay. So Tabitha and Qualo, you two were following Alan and Wrench as Alan carries Wrench unconscious, and he's running to the dock. Do you do anything before he gets there?

SPEAKER_02 33:24

No. I'll just keep following him, I guess.

SPEAKER_05 33:28

I can't help it. I can't help it. I catch up to him. I can't I just can't. I can't. I can't help it.

SPEAKER_04 33:36

Alright, so with so he had a pretty big hit start on you. I'm gonna need you to make an agility roll to catch up to him before he like gets into an interaction with with someone.

SPEAKER_06 33:47

Because he's he's sprinting to the point where like if he died when he got like the marathon runner, like Nike guy, like if he dies at the end of the run, he doesn't care.

SPEAKER_04 33:55

He's sprinting with that kind of ferocity. So give give me a an agility challenge roll.

SPEAKER_05 34:01

Oof. Alright. Uh I am going to spend a hope because curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back.

SPEAKER_04 34:10

Yeah. And I mean Tabitha, if you have a hope, you could also spend it to assist him in some way.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

Yeah, I could do that.

SPEAKER_04 34:16

Oh, how are how are you assisting him? I have a suggestion, even though I should have because I'm the GM, but I I do have a suggestion that I think would be fun.

SPEAKER_02 34:24

What what's your suggestion?

SPEAKER_04 34:26

Throw him.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

I was thinking the same thing! I was already thinking that.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

Everybody wants to throw Poilow!

SPEAKER_02 34:36

Alright, so spend spin that's like hauling him like a like a spear just like launch this guy.

SPEAKER_04 34:45

Okay, uh so spin that hope, and then yeah, you can make roll with the damage.

SPEAKER_05 34:49

Okay. Twenty-five with fear.

SPEAKER_04 34:53

Okay. Okay. I'm gonna bank that fear. First fear of all section.

SPEAKER_05 34:58

So I'm gonna since I roll so high, I'm gonna actually go ahead of him. Okay. And be like on a corner, like conspicuously standing on a corner so that he cannot fail but see me. Mm-hmm. And as he comes up, I'll hold up a finger for him to stop.

SPEAKER_06 35:14

Uh he skids to the point where he accidentally throws wrench. Uh, who when wrench goes flying, his head like bounces off the ground.

SPEAKER_02 35:25

He's dead!

SPEAKER_04 35:28

Just does like a limp roll along the ground.

SPEAKER_01 35:31

We're gonna have to start like a like a GoFundMe for this guy or something. Like we gotta we gotta do something to help with the medical bills and like his long-term care.

SPEAKER_04 35:45

Um when he stops in front of me, I look at him and says, You'll never outrun me.

SPEAKER_05 35:55

What's my name?

SPEAKER_04 35:59

Alright, so he he immediately throws himself into uh into like that prostrated uh stance again, and now he looks uh incredibly confused. And I'll I'll just tell you uh because we're getting here toward the end of the end of the episode. I'll just tell you the confusion on his face is that you just asked him to tell you uh your name, but also the last thing you said to him was that he's not allowed to talk to you. Uh or that you sell it say nothing. And so now he is caught between orders.

SPEAKER_05 36:37

I meant say nothing to anyone else, you lummocks.

SPEAKER_04 36:42

Uh yeah. Uh Madam Madame Offelian!

SPEAKER_05 36:46

Madame Offelion What's the password?

SPEAKER_02 36:50

Please? Tricks are for kids!

SPEAKER_05 36:56

Uh very good. Kiss my shoe and then be gone.

SPEAKER_04 37:00

Uh he is going to when he goes, like so he's gonna scramble over to your foot, but before he kisses your your shoe, he's going to again like like he's quivering. And he is again like weeping with joy.

SPEAKER_06 37:14

And then finally, like, he he works up the nerve to kiss your shoe, and as he does, you hear her whispering, like, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy. But yeah, he'll with his giant lips, he'll he'll plant a fat one on your foot.

SPEAKER_04 37:29

And then in compliance with your orders as quickly as he can, he'll scramble to his feet and he'll pick up Wrench, who's making soft mewling noises.

SPEAKER_05 37:39

Uh You know I'm gonna do it. The poor guy. As he gets up and picks up Wrench, who's starting to wake up, I say, knock him out again.

SPEAKER_02 37:53

Oh my god. This guy might have a family!

SPEAKER_01 38:01

I'm thinking maybe like we should have killed him back at the mansion. It would have been the kinder thing to do. This guy's not gonna be able to stop trembling the rest of his life. He's just gonna be like fucking shaking all the time.

SPEAKER_06 38:14

Oh my god. Like, we can't qualo like the tiniest amount of power and writing it for all its worth.

SPEAKER_05 38:27

Oh. I I'm just playing a character. It's a felon who's terrible.

SPEAKER_01 38:33

You don't know anything about a felion! Well you did it before you assumed your guys, you hit her in the you hit him in the head.

SPEAKER_02 38:41

What?

SPEAKER_04 38:45

I uh it's non-lethal.

SPEAKER_01 38:52

That's the magic word. It's it's non-lethal. I don't know what to tell you.

SPEAKER_06 38:56

I have actual tears in my eyes when I'm actually crying. Oh god damn it. Okay, so he dutifully uh makes his into a club and bonks the guy on the back of the head who goes limp again. He's still making the mulling sounds, even though he's fully unconscious.

SPEAKER_04 39:20

And uh and then again it continues off as fast as he can toward the toward the dock.

SPEAKER_05 39:28

Um we'll we'll continue following him stealthily now.

SPEAKER_04 39:32

Oh my god, that's so good. Uh so coincidentally, the burrowing gremlins. Yeah. The burrowing gremlins uh are also moving toward the dock. Uh to a a different spot on the dock than where the first book is going. You see them uh sniffing around and do you do anything before you get to the docks? No reason why do I not do anything, but do you the only thing I'd like to do is just get on the comms and uh ask Yosefina if she could start prepping the ship. Oh, TV? Yeah, darling. I can prepping the ship. Um I was actually I was actually just about to call you. Um someone's trying to to pry the door of the ship open. Um Is that bad?

SPEAKER_01 40:32

Uh that that's not great, darling. You just go ahead and keep those doors locked until we get there. Uh don't don't you worry your your head about it.

SPEAKER_04 40:40

Okay. Well they're they're shouting pretty loud now. Uh I I can hear the sounds of um song implements, I think. Um That's where we're gonna end this week's episode. Okay. Uh and with that, we're going to end the session.

SPEAKER_06 41:01

Uh special thanks to our sound guy, uh Darrington Press for creating Daggerheart, the awesome game we're playing, and to our incredible fans.

SPEAKER_04 41:08

Don't forget to like, subscribe, comment, five stars, the whole thing. It's the number one way to help the show. Colossus of the Crooks is part of the Witch Game Arch universe.

SPEAKER_06 41:16

If you're interested in playing in any of the associated games, you can find them on startplaying.games. And we will see you next week! Cluck cluck.

SPEAKER_05 41:25

Out of the city, now punch wrench.

SPEAKER_04 42:00

He immediately does.